A/N: Sorry to those who preferred aspects of the previous chapter 2, I am aware I omitted some of the more non-PC humor in the second rendition. It wasn't entirely intentional. Sometimes it's hard to gauge a balance of what you all will find funny and how well it fits the tone of what I'm writing. Personally, I laugh about everything under the sun. If I offend you over something like insensitive jokes...

"¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "

Grow some thicker skin or something, little fellas.

This is the last 'Slice of Life' chapter before we get into the thick of some serious action and danger.

Chapter 3: Preposterous Protagonist

Uzumaki Naruto was having an existential crisis at eight o'clock in the morning on a random Tuesday. Now, that in itself wasn't too odd for the young man, he often found himself troubled over the many great philosophical questions of life. He frequently delved down the intricate rabbit hole of mind-altering topics, such as why ramen required a horrendously extended cooking time. Or why he seemed to be the sole connoisseur of those who truly appreciated the nuanced artistry of pranking and its complex execution. So many topics danced the folds of his brain that the common man simply couldn't hope to comprehend.

Alas, concerns for another day.

What was currently spurring his 1,000 IQ brain into overdrive was the neatly folded letter than had landed on his desk when he wasn't looking. Its contents caused his hands to tremble as he reread the parchment adorned by pink hearts:

To see if your feelings for me are as strong as I hope they are, I have a small request:

Prove your love by besting Sasuke in a spar.

I can't wait much longer.

Please, win for me.

- Sakura

Now, Naruto was no fool. He knew how ludicrous a situation this seemed to be; why would his Sakura stoop to such a coy tactic to gain his affection? He had proclaimed his undying love for her but only yesterday, the sensation of her smooth and soft hand taping his cheek affectionately still fresh in his mind. She was so happy from his declaration she did it several times in fact, so much so it left a bruise - a love mark - he mentally corrected.

Sakura would never have to beat around the bush with him, they loved each other already! As he made motion to crumple the letter and toss it away, someone peeked over his shoulder and muttered in surprise, "Got a secret admirer, Naruto? That's cute."

Naruto's blue eyes snapped onto the form of a large teen leaning over him, a person he had never paid much attention to. Baki was staring at the letter with a bored look on his face, his brow raised almost mockingly. Naruto tightened his grip on the letter and narrowed his eyes back at the other blonde, "What's it to you, Bak-Baka-Odo-whatever your name is! Jealous or something?"

Baki quirked an eyebrow and gazed at the letter and then to Sakura, who was in her daily ritual of fighting for the seat next to Sasuke with every other girl in the class. He flickered between the two a few times, before he deadpanned, "Yeah, whatever makes you feel better, buddy. Sucks for you though, I don't think you're beating Sasuke anytime soon."

Naruto stood up quickly, glaring upwards at the larger teen with fire in his eyes. He barked, "What's that supposed to mean?! I can totally kick his ass! If anyone here can't it's you, dumbass!"

The transmigrator smirked playfully and shrugged, clearly amused by the protagonist's reaction. He sat back in his seat and gestured down below, "Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much. There's no way Sakura wrote that, someone's just messing with you."

Next to Baki, Hinata had just taken her own seat and looked at the pair with some confusion, wondering what they could be arguing about. She voiced as much, "What are you two fighting about? Isn't it a bit early for this?"

Naruto ignored Hinata's sudden arrival and exclaimed brashly, "How do you know it's fake, huh? Sakura is totally into me, we love each other!"

Baki lackadaisically waved off Naruto's proclamation and leaned further back into his chair with a sly smile. He was keenly aware of how many people had just heard Naruto's loud and overbearing claim of affection. Sakura, the girl of topic, snapped her head in Naruto's direction and screeched, "WHAT DID YOU SAY NARUTO?!"

The blonde, still smug with amusement, urged impishly, "Well, go on. She's waiting for you, Naruto."

The whole classroom stared in open disbelief as Naruto spun around to face the front of the room and stepped onto his desk. He pointed a valiant finger Sakura's way and roared, "Don't worry Sakura, I'll kick that bastard's ass for you!"

The Jinchuriki bent his legs and lunged like a soaring bird, clearing half the distance of the classroom to tackle Sasuke from behind. The pair tumbled in a flurry of limbs to the front of the room and slammed into the blackboard. Fists and curses were being thrown about wildly.

Sakura could only stare in horror as the squabble escalated into a full-on brawl between the last Konoha bred Uzumaki and Uchiha. The classroom became chaotic as the students watching began cheering and hollering at the sudden fight, most yelling for Sasuke to kick the snot out of Naruto like usual.

Baki, still absolutely smitten with himself, caught the gaze of Ino who was standing next to the horrified Sakura. The Yamanaka heiress flashed him a discreet thumbs-up and a grin, neither of which went unnoticed by Hinata at his side. Hinata, face betraying no negativity, struck a couple tenketsu in Baki's arm, and chimed in an overly sweet voice, "Still talking to Ino, I see."

The large teen glanced at his now useless arm. It hung limply at his side, and he couldn't move as much as a finger if he wanted to. Taking the debilitating condition in stride, he reasoned with a carefree smile, "I owed her for her help and that's what she wanted, to mess with Sakura. You know, from when you were giving me the third degree while I was struggling to get my chakra under control? What a hassle that was."

Hinata's smiled dimmed, a tight frown stretching on her face. She roughly jabbed his elbow with two fingers - feeling and control returned with a jolt of pain. She grumbled sourly, "Stop bringing that up. I already apologized."

Actually, the Hyūga heiress did no such thing. A day after her dramatic confrontation with him, she simply retuned to being glued to his hip, never saying a word about her batshit crazy mental breakdown.

That had been the better part of two weeks ago, but who was he to split hairs over a problem that resolved itself?

Baki gave her a small chuckle and nodded passively, content to change the conversation. Before he could mention anything of relevance, Iruka and Mizuki entered the classroom and separated Naruto and Sasuke, the former sporting a shiner and busted lip while the other suffered a torn collar. Mizuki, the snake in the grass slime-ball he was, easily worked through the cause of the fight as Iruka berated Naruto in front of the class.

The silver haired Chunin demanded flatly, "Who wrote the note to Naruto? Fess up now or the punishment will only get worse."

Hinata was back to her usual aloof and unreadable self, clearly not going to give him up. Ino, perfect example of poise and calm made no motion to do so either, electing an amused smile from Baki. Well, at least nobody was going to sell him out. Time to kick back and ride this baby out - "Baki did it. I watched him place the note on Naruto's desk and egg him on."

Who in the actual fuck?

Baki's eyes trained to the row below him and across the room where Shikamaru of all people was speaking. The lazy Nara heir was resting his cheek on a fist as he yawned, "You can ask Choji, he saw it too."

The fat sack of shit next to him, face stuffed to the brim with greasy potato chips, offered a noise of what most could take as affirmation. Either that, or the log of processed food the Akimichi was deep throating was blocking his airway.

Nobody could really say for certain.

Mizuki quirked an eyebrow and leveled Baki an intense stare, "Well Baki? What do you have to say?"

The blonde was caught off guard by Shikamaru selling him out, having yet to even interact once with the boy since gaining consciousness in this world. He glanced between the pineapple haired boy and the Chunin, reminding himself that he was not a good enough liar to entirely fool a Shinobi of Mizuki's caliber yet. Nor did he exactly want to be on Shikamaru's bad side over something so petty. After a brief moment of self-deliberation, he settled on a course of action.

Offering a sigh of faux acceptance, Baki admitted, "I did. I'll accept whatever punishment you deem fit, sensei. It was not right of me to use my classmates to practice the art of disinformation."

Mizuki blinked at his reasonable admittance of guilt, as did Iruka who stopped berating Naruto for the moment. The pair of them shared looks, a silent conversation going on between them, before Mizuki drawled with a snake like smile, "I don't think we really covered that tactic too much, have we Iruka? It is an important skill. To be fair, we might've skipped over it without Baki's self-practice..."

Iruka, a conflicted expression on his face, crossed his arms and thought intensely on the topic. All the while, the class waited with bated breath, wondering what kind of punishment would be dished out to the exposed Baki. After a moment, Iruka nodded to himself and stated, "I am not condoning what you just did Baki, but I can see the silver lining behind your actions. Go outside and run laps. Everyone else, sit down and pay attention. Today's lecture will be on (M.D.M.): Misinformation, Disinformation and Malinformation."

Baki rose from his seat with a schooled expression and made way towards the door, inwardly howling in laughter. Not only was he able to skip what would be a totally useless lecture for him, he would be able to burn some calories during the school day. A true win-win situation for him.

All he had to do was make an ass out of himself, but that too did not go without a reward. He now knew never to say or do anything incriminating around Shikamaru, the boy-genius was a Grade-A nark.

Now, how much of a workout could he get in before he was called back into the classroom?

The sky had begun to change hues, bleeding with specks of orange when Iruka and Mizuki led the class out of the building for the day. The pair had gone into a very long and extensive lecture about the practices of spreading information to your enemies and the application of such tactics in the field. It turned into a whole day affair, putting the class through several scenarios and exercises to practice the art themselves and stress the importance of the lesson. They had even extended into the kids' lunch break.

The pair of Chunin were greeted to the sight of many of the parents of their students grouped together on the side of the building, not in front where they usually waited if they were picking their child up after the day was over. There was a wave of energy and awe as they all talked amongst themselves about whatever they were watching.

"Look at him go! That kid is built like a brick shithouse!"

"I didn't have muscles like that until I was twenty, haha!"

"Why can't my son work that hard, I worry about him so much!"

Iruka and Mizuki shared a look of shock - they had completely forgotten about Baki! The pair of Chunin and their students ran up to see what was going on and were stunned by the sight.

Shirtless and drenched in an intense glean a sweat, Baki was doing extended lunges down the length of the track. His neck and jaw were clenched tightly in strain as he struggled to keep going. Atop his shoulders was a huge log that must've weighed close to 400lbs. It swayed up and down as he trudged down the track, leaving a puddle of sweat behind him as he went. What shocked them the more than Baki committing a great feat of endurance and strength he was displaying, was the dramatic change of his body composition.

Large muscles flexed underneath his red and flushed skin with each breath. His arms and shoulders were toned, pulsing around the diameter of the log that showed off his broad back. Pudgy legs had morphed into lean and muscled extremities, no longer looking cumbersome and unbalanced. The light layer of fat on his belly and pectorals were hardly noticeable when looking at him in his entirety.

Had they been paying attention to how much his face had been trimming down over the past six weeks, perhaps the sight wouldn't be so unbelievable. But like many things, people rarely noticed things they weren't actively looking for.

Ami, the fourth most popular girl in class, designated permanent background character, put everyone's collective thoughts into a single sentence as she screeched loudly, "WASN'T HE FAT, LIKE, A MINUTE AGO?!"

Baki, hearing what could only be described as a dying bird, turned to face them. His eyes widened in surprise, when had so many people gotten here?

Iruka parted through the parents, a look of embarrassed panic about him, and yelled out, "Baki that's enough! You - uh - did a good job! You can stop now!"

The blonde, too tired to care, dropped the log carelessly behind him. It made a loud thud as it bounced onto the dirt below. He couldn't feel his legs move as he jogged towards the large group of classmates and parents, his body having long since entered a runner's high of sorts. He scooped up his sweat logged shirt from the ground as he approached and slung it over his shoulder with a wet slap, slowly becoming aware everyone was staring at him.

Kiba questioned loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Is he using the transformation technique or something...that can't be real. Can it?"

Usually, he would've gotten some smug satisfaction of showing off the body he's been tirelessly carving to perfection, but he didn't have anything left in the tank for that today. He hadn't expected Iruka to allow him the whole school day to work himself to the bone, and frankly, he was just glad it was over. When he got close enough, Iruka cleared his throat and gathered himself, "I hope you learned your lesson, Baki. Like I've told everyone else," He gave a sideways glance to his gawking students and their parents, "You all are dismissed for the day. Get some rest."

Baki didn't deign Iruka with an answer, merely content to gather his breath. Slowly, the group of students and parents began to disperse. Hinata approached Baki with an odd air about her. She extended her hand out to him, his bag in her grasp, but her eyes were glued to his exposed skin. He took the bag with weak fingers and slung it across his free shoulder. He was not opening that can of worms today, at least if he had any say about it. Just before he could bid Hinata farewell, another figure approached him.

Uzumaki Naruto was standing before him with a look he had seen hundreds, if not thousands, of times on the computer screen in his previous life. The look that screamed determination and was almost always followed by a declaration or challenge of sorts. What were the odds Naruto was going to challenge him to a fight, he really had only instigated the boy once.

Albeit that was today.

Not taking any chances in his current state of exhaustion, Baki spoke before Naruto could even open his mouth, "Oi, Naruto. What's the name of that ramen place you're always going on about?"

Like a dog who had just heard his favorite word, Naruto's whole demeanor changed. With a look of excitement, he provided a quick answer, "You mean Ichiraku's? Why do you want to know?"

Baki massaged his tired neck and drawled unenthusiastically, "I'll buy you a couple bowls, an apology for messing with you earlier."

Naruto, who had fully been prepared to challenge the large teen to a fight mere moments ago, laughed heartily and slapped him across the back, "Y'know you're not that bad of a guy, Boro! Wow, you're sweaty - gross! Let's get going already!"

Ignoring the second botched attempt at his name, Baki settled on following his fellow blonde out of the academy courtyard. He listened quietly as Naruto rambled about a million different things bouncing around his mind, from the upcoming feast of ramen to his grand aspirations of becoming the Hokage. He could only hope that his wallet wouldn't suffer as much as his eardrums.

What Baki didn't know was that this would be his last day of normalcy before the reality of his situation finally caught up to him. Death and danger were the norm of this world, you could only go so long before your luck ran out.

End of Chapter