Hey, Stephanie Plum here. My life was never easy. Depending on my perspective or involvement in the incident, things had a way of exploding or imploding. The explosions happened to me, but I was almost always part of the implosions.
A few days ago, I celebrated my thirty-second birthday alone because Joe Morelli, my on-again, off-again boyfriend and I broke up for the final time a few months ago. It happened precisely fourteen weeks ago. As usual, it was explosive, and we realized after his fist hit my face that our relationship was toxic. He apologized for hitting me, but I wasn't able to forgive him so easily. Joe wanted to be my friend. It was awkward, and we never seemed to make a friendship work. We constantly fell into the old patterns of screaming at each other in the streets. Having a friendship with Joseph Morelli was too much work.
Our recent encounters made me realize that during our two-year relationship, I lost bits of me that Joe chipped away whenever he called me useless, stupid or bad at my job. The most significant bit fell away when he hit me on that fateful day. Joe was the same as all the other Morelli men.
He was proud of not falling victim to the curse of the Morelli men, but it wasn't something he could continue to claim. The apple didn't fall far from that poisonous tree. Joseph Anthony Morelli was not free of the irreversible damage his father, Anthony Sr, inflicted during his childhood. Whoever Joe dates will need to be more compliant than me; he needs a woman who wants to stay home and raise children.
I have brown, curly hair and blue eyes. My heritage is Hungarian-Italian. Mom is Hungarian, and Dad is Italian. Helen, my mom, looks like me but older. Her hair isn't as curly, and her eyes aren't as blue, but you can't ignore the resemblance when you see us together. I have one sister, Saint Valerie, who is two years older than me. She resembles our father as much as I resemble our mother.
Valerie is everything a Burg girl should be… a wife, a mother and a domestic goddess. I would never pretend to be any of those. Mom set Valerie on a pedestal, comparing everything I did wrong to whatever Valerie did right. Whatever I did right isn't good enough because Valerie would have done it better. Mom's hurtful words took away more significant bits of me, which are impossible to replace even if I spent my remaining life in therapy.
The only time I made my mom proud was during my short marriage to Dickie Orr, but our marriage was worse than my relationship with Morelli. Before receiving our marriage certificate in the mail, Dickie cheated on me with Joyce Barnhardt, my childhood nemesis. Seeing him having sex with her on my dining room table chipped away more bits of me. I remember the look on Joyce's face when she realized I was watching. She moaned louder as Dickie climaxed. He barely had time to tuck himself away when my rhino mode took over. I screamed and kicked over a chair. Joyce wisely fixed her clothes and ran from the house.
Since kindergarten, Joyce has done everything possible to make my life a living hell. Joyce married and divorced men to get their money. She had her breasts enhanced when she lost weight. Over the years, Joyce improved other parts of her body with plastic surgery. It seems men, especially my cousin Vinnie, enjoyed the results.
Vinnie, my cousin on my dad's side of the family, operates Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, but his father-in-law, Harry the Hammer, is the silent owner. Harry Hammerstein's daughter, Lucille, is married to my cousin. Lucille loves Vinnie, so Harry keeps the knowledge of his son-in-law's extramarital activities to himself. However, he uses it to get Vinnie to do whatever he wants, which means giving Lucille whatever she wants.
In the law enforcement industry, people call me a BEA, bond enforcement agent, or bounty hunter. Most days, I get tossed into the trash, or my car explodes. Both are not ideal, but there is not much I can do to change the events of my life. The low-bond skips are mostly crazy. There isn't anything they wouldn't do to escape capture. When I blackmailed Vinnie into giving me the job, I incorrectly assumed the lower capture fee meant easy to catch. Time has proven that isn't the case.
My luck isn't the best. However, I escaped harm for the most part. When the BEA gig slowed to a near bankrupting halt, I worked for my mentor and sometimes lover, Ranger, owner of Rangeman. He has offered me a job several times, but I never took him up on the offer. Nobody liked to work at a pity job. To be honest, I equate it to pity sex.
Ranger was another man who contributed to the missing bits of me. He loved me in his own way but didn't want a relationship. I've shared his bed many times, including our romantic time together in Hawaii, pretending to be married. It felt like we were married or at least committed to each other. When our vacation ended, so did our relationship. I was missing more bits of my heart. Ranger's claim to his life not lending to relationships chipped away more bits of me.
Eventually, I almost became a hollow version of myself. Too many people took away the bits, and I have nobody in my life to help piece me back together. However, I was afraid of committing myself to someone. My history with men confirmed my fear. I've been hurt too many times in the past to relinquish my independence. How many more bits of my heart could get chipped away before I became unrecognizable to even myself? Although I must admit that I was nearly there.
During my stints at Rangeman, I gained many friends and men who treated me like their younger sister. I'm sure most of those men are younger than me. Some of them, like Zip and Hector, taught me how to protect myself. Ranger tried to help many times, but we always ended up in bed. Eventually, it felt like I was repaying Ranger with sex. Somewhere along the way, I lost respect for myself. Maybe I never had it. That realization tore away more bits.
I park my current piece of shit car beside the dumpster in my apartment parking lot. It seems to be the only spot available, regardless of the time of day. The two coveted places beside the door contain an old Volkswagen station wagon parked crookedly, taking up both sites. I sigh and exit my car.
Walking towards the back entry, I barely hear the snow crunching beneath someone's feet when I feel the ice-cold water hitting my back, soaking through my worn-out coat. I turn around to see an angry Joyce Barnhardt. "What did I ever do to you?" I scream as a second bucket of water gets tossed in my face.
"You were born, you fat cunt!" Joyce replies. Joyce and I have been rivals since kindergarten. She would pour water on my chair, claiming I had peed my pants. In grade two, Joyce put gum in my hair during recess. My mom had to take me for a haircut to remove the sticky substance. I was furious when they cut it until it was only a few inches long. It hurt when Mom said it was my fault for teasing Joyce. To this day, Mom thinks I provoked Joyce into bullying me. It couldn't be farther from the truth.
Every boy I had dated in high school ended up sleeping with Joyce. She would convince them to meet her under the bleachers to give them a blowjob. I often caught them in the act. The boys never made it past first base with me. It shouldn't have surprised me that she went after my boyfriend. I hated her since then, but screwing my husband on my dining room table was the final straw. At the time, I thought, 'that bitch was going down.' Although I was the one who paid the ultimate price… more bits of me got chipped away by the Burg biddies and their rumours of not keeping my husband satisfied in bed.
The cold wind blows, causing my clothes to freeze to my body. I shiver as Joyce cackles before leaving me to transform into a human popsicle. My body shook too hard for me to move. I heard a car pull into the lot and stop behind me.
"Steph! Are you okay?" the concerned man asks. His voice sounds familiar, though I can't place a name because my brain is working too hard to keep me warm. My body goes into the flight or fight response, pushing the heat to vital organs.
"F… f… f…," I attempt to talk. I was trying to tell him that I was freezing.
"I've got you. You'll be warm in no time," he promises.
I let my rescuer carry me into the building. My hands were too cold to remove the keys from my pocket. However, my hero didn't need them. He quickly picks the door lock to carry me inside.
My body shakes as he slowly removes my clothes. I'm not shy, so I didn't care that he saw me naked. Once he removes all the layers, he carries me into the bathroom and sets me on the closed toilet seat. "I'm running you a bath," he explains. A brown tuque covers Zip's dirty blond hair. His eyes sparkle as he attempts to look anywhere except my naked breasts.
"Thank you, Zip," I slowly say, finally able to talk.
Zip fills the tub with lukewarm water, bubble bath and Epsom salts. He gently lifts me to place me inside the water. "Please, Steph. My name is Zachary," Zip states. "I've seen you naked, so it seems fair for you to know my first name." I know his name. Saying Zachary or Zack is odd after calling him Zip for the past year.
I smile and move forward in the tub. "I'm shaking too much to hold myself up. Can you join me?" I boldly ask. I wasn't sure why I had asked him to get into the bath with me, but I needed the comfort of his friendly embrace. Zip and I met nearly two years ago. We often meet at Pino's or Shorty's for lunch. He's sweet and funny.
"Give me a minute," he replies, removing his phone from his pocket. Zip isn't saying no. He has other things to arrange as he takes care of me. "Hey, Les. I'm with Steph. Some asshole threw ice water at her. I'll stay with her until she warms up. Can you send Bobby over in a few hours to check on her? Thanks, buddy. I'd appreciate it if you or Bobby would sit in the lot to ensure she doesn't get more unexpected company tonight." I smile when he enters the bathroom and strips off his clothes except his boxers. I thought all the Merry Men went commando. He wastes no time slipping into the spot behind me and pulling my back to his chest.
My bathtub isn't big enough for two, but Zip makes it work. "Thanks, Zack. I feared I'd slip under the water from shaking so hard." I wait a few minutes before asking, "Why are you here?"
"I know you had a rough day and wanted to ensure you were alright. The skank, Joyce, ran past my car carrying buckets, and I was worried she hurt you," Zip confesses. "I was kind of right. If I didn't get you warmed up in time, you'd be a popsicle by now." As my body warms, Zip adds more hot water to the bath after draining some.
I should have been angry that the Merry Men were driving past my apartment, but I was thankful that Zip found me. He would keep the embarrassing event a secret. The others would only hear the rumour if Joyce Barnhardt opened her foul mouth.
"Steph, you know why they call me Zip. I would never say anything about today," he promises.
"I trust you, Zack," I reply. He cups his hand to pour hot water over my shoulders. His large, calloused hand rubs down my arm. I shiver, but not from the cold.
"If I ask you a question, will you answer it honestly?" Zip asks. I nod my head. "What happened between you and the cop?" His hands stop moving when I stiffen.
"Oh. I wasn't expecting that question. Um… Joe and I broke up about three months ago. My latest POS car caught fire, and he yelled at me. The second I told Joe we were breaking up, he punched me. He passed it off as talking with his hands, but I know better. Joe knew better. We agreed never to date again," I reply. Zip tenses behind me when I mention Joe hitting me. "I wore a lot of concealer to mask the bruising."
"And you avoided Rangeman. Was that the first time he hit you?" Zip asks.
"First and last," I confirm. "Joe doesn't want to turn into his father, so we decided our relationship was too toxic to continue. I'm not going to quit my job to marry him, and he would never accept my job or friends. It's better this way. One day, he'll find the perfect Burg woman who isn't me."
I told Zip about my childhood encounters with Joe. He was surprised I would date him after getting sexually assaulted by Morelli twice. "Zip, before Joe and I started dating, we agreed that both of us were responsible for those two events. I was curious, and he took advantage of the situation. It's in the past. Please, respect my wish to leave it there."
"Ranger?" Zip asks. That's a tough one to explain. I need to sort my thoughts before giving Zip the appropriate answer.
"Ya. When Connie asked him to mentor me, Ranger trained me to be a BEA. He selected my weapon and has helped me whenever I needed his expert assistance. I owe him for his protection, cars and jobs. Although, working at Rangeman was just a pity job offer," I attempt to explain.
"How long have you two been sleeping together?" Zip asks.
I laugh before replying, "Technically, we shared a bed repeatedly for the past two years. However, we only had sex three times in his apartment and twice in mine."
"You only had sex with him five times?" Zip asks.
"No. More times than five but less than ten," I confess. "The last time we had sex was eight months ago."
"But you stayed in his apartment for a few weeks around three months ago," Zip counters as he turns me to face him.
"True, but we were sleeping, not having sex," I reply. Zip wipes a tear off my face, realizing there is more to the story. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, Zip. I love Ranger, but he doesn't do stupid things like relationships or commitment. The only thing he can promise is to use a condom. There's no price for what we give each other, but every time we had sex, I felt a bit of my heart get chipped away. I want more from life than to be a convenient fuck. Casual sex doesn't appeal to me."
"Steph, I'm sorry Ranger played with your emotions. I'm sorry that Joe, the boy you grew up with, abused you. I know your mother wants you to quit your job to marry Morelli. Please believe me when I tell you that the guys all love you. Some of us love you more than others. Heck, if any of them knew you weren't Ranger's woman, they would be lined up to ask you out."
I couldn't stop the laugh from escaping my lips. "As if any of you would want a screw-up like me," I say through the snorts and laughter.
"You're wrong, Steph. I would be honoured to be your boyfriend. But I will wait until you get over your feelings for Ranger," Zip replies. He kisses my nose before standing up. Zip grabs the towel off the bar to wrap around my body. He gently taps my butt to get me to leave the bathroom.
I hear the tub drain as the shower starts. It confuses me until I hear Zip moan my name. I assume sitting in the tub with me being naked was too much for his self-control. Smiling, I went into my bedroom, thinking I should get to know Zip better.