January 2007
Grissom had been in Massachusetts for nearly a week now. He arrived to find his living quarters and office overlooking Walden Pond. The students were engaged, the community kind, the campus was, breathtaking. When he wasn't lecturing or holding office hours, he would walk the perimeter of the pond, hike Pine Hill or Heywood's Meadow. One day he decided to around Thoreau's Cabin site. The crisp winter air did something for him. It refreshed his soul.
He wasn't sure what was most impactful so far. The New England setting, the wildlife, having students again, focusing on science that didn't pertain to the dead, or was it simply not being in Vegas?
The convergence of woodlands, wetlands and meadows provided a ripe habitat for all kinds of wildlife, he delighted in it. Turtles, deer, rabbits, chipmunks, frogs, and of course, the diverse invertebrates he'd observed. Dragonflies, damselflies and species of butterflies that sent his heart soaring. It was all so beautiful. And the more he reflected on the beauty of it all, the more he thought of her, the reason he cared at all about beauty.
He walked past Thoreau's cabin and contemplated the life of solitude he wrote about. He took a seat on a large rock to give his legs a break. He'd been much more active lately then he typically was and it was taking a small toll on his body. But his mind was blissed.
He sat there for a while, letting the cold winter sun hit his face. He breathed in deeply. The crunch of twigs caused him to look to his left in time for him to see two rabbits sprinting away. He smiled at the sight. His smile began to widen as his eye caught something else. There, perched on a small shrub, was a small chrysalis. He leaned in to get a better look. His heart skipped a beat when he realized what it was, a Polygonia Comma Butterfly. He took out a pocket knife and carefully cut the branch that held the delicate life.
As he walked back to his office he kept glancing down at the chrysalis with excitement. He couldn't wait to send it to her. For while words always failed him, he could speak through symbols and gestures with relative ease. And the Polygonia Comma Butterfly's symbolism was almost too perfect. He knew she'd be excited to see it hatch in its bright orange and dark brown spots. Moreover, it represented unconditional love and faith. A more apropo butterfly could not have been found if he'd been searching for one.
Upon his return to his study, he placed the branch gently in a small cardboard box. He considered adding a note but decided that words would just muddy the gesture. By the end of the day the box was on it's way to Vegas, bound for Sara.
He laid in bed that night and thought of her. He thought of how strange it was to feel strange about sleeping alone. How he missed her touch, her scent, her mind. He missed turning over to see her looking back at him, heads resting on pillows, talking as they drifted off to sleep. He wondered if she was doing his crossword puzzles or leaving them for him. If she was pulling double and triples or keeping to a better routine and leaving after shift despite his absence. He thought about the cloud that had been following him around the last couple of months. And how she never made him feel judged for it. Or for anything, really. She made everything better, just by being there.
He thought about how much he cared for her. Cared for her in ways he'd only ever read about in prized literature. He was only a forth of the way though his absence from her, and he already felt it had been too long. But in all his pining for her he never thought to pick up the phone. The very idea never crossed his mind. For in so many ways, despite her incredibly powers to break the shell around his heart, he was still the reclusive scientist at heart. And some ways of thinking were engrained in his being beyond any measure.
Back in Vegas, Sara found herself unable to sleep well. It'd been a long time since she'd suffer from this level of insomnia and only now realized that sharing a bed with Grissom had cured her of that aliment. Their home felt eerie with his prolonged absence. It made her feel uneasy. And with an inability to sleep, she ended up pulling a lot of double and triple shifts.
"You feeling okay?" Sara looked up to see Catherine standing in the locker room threshhold. Sara had been sitting on the bench in front of her locker for a period of time now, just staring into space.
"Hmm?" Sara startled, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Why?" She added with a hint of defensive undertone.
"You've been sitting there for a while." Catherine moved into the room further, making her way toward Sara. "Something on your mind?"
Sara shrugged, "Long shift."
Catherine nodded knowingly, "You're at the end of a triple, aren't you?"
"I suppose so."
"You know, Sara, I haven't seen you work this much overtime in years."
Sara brushed off the comment, "I'm always here when the lab needs me."
"You are." Catherine confirmed, "But… I guess I'm just realizing that you've done a much better job of actually going home after shift for a while now." She paused a moment, "Don't let that slip away. Work-life balance is important." She smiled now, "If Grissom of all people can take a break, you can too."
Sara smiled at the thought, "You're right."
The next night when Sara showed up for shift, Judy caught her attention, "Sara!" Sara slowed down and approached Judy and her desk, "This came for you. It's from Grissom." She smiled, "How is he liking Massachusetts?"
Sara's brows lifted in surprise as she took the box from Judy, "I don't know, I haven't spoken to him."
Judy nodded in understanding and Sara made her way to the locker room to ready herself for shift. She opened her locker and considered for a moment if she should open the package now or later. Should she keep herself in suspense? Wait until the end of shift to find out what Grissom had sent her? She thought better of it and began to open the box, worried that if she waited, the expectation of its contents would grow and potentially disappoint.
A quick flick of the wrist with a pocket knife and the box flaps opened. She lifted some brown tissue paper to see the small branch with a chrysalis nestled on it. Carefully, she picked it up and brought it eye level to examine it's features. A small smile made its way to her lips and her heart began to flutter. She lifted the other tissue paper from within the box to see if anything else was inside. Perhaps a note? Nothing. She frowned for a moment, wishing he'd enclosed some context, even a poem. But upon realizing the that this object was sent alone, she quickly refocused on the branch.
She remembered something she'd read in one of Grissom's entomology textbooks. A cool, dark place would be ideal conditions for the chrysalis to flourish. She knew exactly where to keep it.
Sara looked both ways before opening the door to Grissom's office. She hadn't been in there since he left. She looked around, noting the massive pile of mail and packages that lined every inch of his desk. She sighed, even when he would return, he'd have so much to tend to. The backlog would consume him.
She turned her attention to his shelves and found an empty terrarium that would make the perfect home for the soon-to-be-born critter. She stood at the shelf and gazed at the small grey wrapping of the chrysalis. She found herself piling up questions in her mind. Like, what was inside? how long until it would hatch? Did he find it or source it from somewhere? Did it mean something?
She took another look at it before eventually exiting his office.
"Oh, excuse me." A small voice spoke after bumping into Sara. Sara bent down and picked up the girl's mop.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." Sara spoke to the girl from janitorial.
"I—I— was just going to clean Dr. Grissom's office."
Sara nodded and gave a polite smile, then walked off.
Every shift thereafter, Sara would come into the lab and b-line straight for his office to check on the chrysalis. It's status ever unchanging. And still, she relished these few moments she had in his office. Amongst his things. It still held his energy.
In Grissom's absence, things around the lab were getting… hairy. The team was joined by Michael Kepler who had originally been slotted for days. Ecklie put him on the nightshift for a few weeks to fill in for Grissom's absence. And his presence shook things up a bit.
Warrick, Greg and Sara stood outside in an alleyway, all being paged by Nick. He was suspicious of the case they were working, and especially of Catherine and Kepler. The four agreed to form a coalition.
"We need to get into that evidence locker." Warrick expressed.
"I don't know where Grissom keeps that key." Nick spoke honestly.
"I do…" Sara piped up. Greg gave her a look that she tried to ignore, "I'll get it and meet you there soon." She walked off and toward his office, knowing exactly where he kept it. In the top right drawer of his desk, under a small mammal skull. She opened the drawer and found it with ease, even if the feeling in her stomach was anything but ease. Something else caught her eye in that moment. She looked up at the door to confirm she was alone then reached in to pick up the other object... a small velvet jewelry box.
She rubbed her thumb over the velvety lining and paused a moment. She considered opening the box and peering inside. She was so tempted to, her curiosity spinning out of control. But in the end, she decided she shouldn't. The chaos of the current state of the lab and team were taking precedent in her mind, but later that evening she found herself pondering it's contents again.
Grissom sat behind his desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He'd just come in from a hike and felt very inspired, like a weight had been lifted off his chest, a levity filled him in ways he hadn't felt in a long time. The sludge and staleness he'd been consumed by in Vegas was beginning to dissipate and he could feel the color coming back into his spirit. He began to write easily:
Sara,
Our parting was awkward. I don't know why I still find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. To show you my truth. Even though we are far apart now, I can see you as clearly as if you were here with me. I said I'll miss you, and I do. What ever our souls are made of, yours and mine, are the same. Intertwined and interconnected like the earth to the sun, the clouds to the rain. The mountains to the valleys. I am, but only with you.
On my pumpkin I sit, alone. Beautiful solitude with only the quiet whispers of the wind to join the chorus of thoughts. All of which, frankly, are you, dear.
He paused his pen for a moment, considering what else to write. The words not coming to him as easily as he thought they would when he first sat down. He decided to copy a sonnet to the letter, letting Shakespeare speak for him.
He looked down at the paper and smiled. Proud of himself for finding words worthy of her. He folded it and placed it in an envelope. But as he addressed it, a deep sinking hesitation crept through him. He tried to fight the feeling but he caved, placing the envelope with the letter inside, tucked into the spine of the Shakespeare sonnet book and closed it.
He hadn't heard from her since sending the butterfly. And he wondered if these words would be welcome. He began to second guess himself.
Sara, Nick, Warrick and Greg sat around the break room. The truth had come out about Kepler and Catherine's reverse forensics stunt. And the team felt wounded by the betrayal.
"Grissom would never have let that happen." Warrick broke the silence.
"Agreed." Nick shook his head. "I'm telling you, he better actually be coming back. I don't know if I can work like this."
"Why do you think he wouldn't be coming back?" Sara questioned, having now heard this idea from Nick for the first time.
"Well you know, we all think he's got himself a girlfriend." Nick spoke with ease. Warrick nodded in agreement while Greg looked down, trying to obscure his knowledge of the subject.
"What makes you think that?" Sara asked, her voice playing well at seeming ignorant and curious.
Warrick leaned back, "C'mon you havent noticed, Sar? He's slimmed down a bit, he leaves at the end of shift regularly. He even took a few days off last month. Until the miniature cases, he looked pretty well rested too." Warrick rattled off his evidence, "Plus the beard."
"What about it?" Sara questioned.
"Oh you know, I bet his lady friend was tired of beard burn. He's been clean shaven for months now. In all the years I've worked with him, he's never been clean shaven this long. Usually just for court, and even then..."
Nick looked over at Sara and squinted, "You know him as well as anyone, Sara. You don't think he's seeing someone?" Nick directed his attention toward her. She caught brief eye contact with Greg.
"Haven't given it much thought." She shrugged. "What does that have to do with him not coming back?"
"I don't know. I just feel like his priorities are shifting. Maybe the lab isn't his whole life anymore? You know?"
"Maybe he's just having a mid-life crisis." Greg chimed in. He didn't mean it as a jab at Sara but it took on those notes nonetheless.
"Maybe he and his girlfriend are just on vacation in New England." Warrick laughed through his joke. "Though I know that's not true because Hodges has been taking his course online."
Nick rolled his eyes, "We taking bets on this or what?"
"Oh I'll take that action." Warrick leaned in, "What are we talking?"
Nick and Warrick began to devise the terms of their bet. Categories like how long he's been seeing someone, when he would tell anyone, if it was someone within their line of work or not, were all floated. As they chatted on animatedly, Sara excused herself and Greg quickly followed.
"You're not taking those odds?" Greg asked as he followed her into the locker room where she was gathering her things to head home for the day. She simply laughed half-heartedly in return. "Why not?" He continued, a knowing smile infiltrating his lips, "Insider trading?"
It was the most direct Greg had been about his knowledge of the affair, causing Sara to look up in surprise.
"I... uh..."
He laughed off her stuttering, "I'm headed home. This shift really knocked me out. I know I'm counting down the days until Grissom gets back. One more week right?"
"Yeah..." Her voice trailed a bit.
"Get some rest." Greg smiled her way and exited the locker room.
Grissom Stepped out of McCarran Airport and went straight for the taxi line. There was a excitement in his step that he couldn't contain. He felt rejuvenated and exuberant.
Grissom relayed the crime lab's address to the driver. He sat in the backseat and looked out the window. A smile grew on his face with the anticipation of seeing Sara. Five weeks absence and somehow this 20 minute drive felt like the longest bit of it.
Grissom walked through the lab doors for the first time in weeks. "Welcome back Dr. Grissom!" Judy gushed from her receptionist desk at the sight of him.
"Great to be back." He smiled with earnest. He hadn't felt this carefree walking into the lab in a long time. Grissom made his way through the hallways, taking a circuitous route to his office in hopes he'd run into Sara. He glanced into layout rooms and labs, techs and CSIs hurrying around him. None of which were Sara.
"Grissom!"
He turned to see Greg standing there.
"Hello, Greg."
"I thought you wouldn't be back for a few more days."
"Surprise." He offered, "What are you working on?"
"Warrick and I have a 419 we're working off the strip. Catherine and Kepler have a 419 in a casino hotel and Sara's working solo. She definitely pulled the short straw tonight. Let's just say she won't want to go out to eat Italian for a while." Greg paused a moment and decided to add, "She might be a few more hours." knowing it was most likely the information he was fishing for.
They parted ways and Grissom retreated to his office. He sighed audibly when he entered. There wasn't a single part of his desk that wasn't covered by files and mail waiting for him. He tried to triage what needed his attention but his mind was preoccupied. Especially once his eye caught sight of the chrysalis perched in a terrarium on his shelf. He studied it a bit, noticing it still hadn't hatched.
Sara walked into the lab. Kit in one hand, bags of evidence in the other. She was running through the crime's timeline in her head. Thinking through her next steps. She had to get a lot of evidence over to Hodges. She'd do that, then shower up before headed to autopsy. She walked passed Judy who smiled at her knowingly, but Sara was so focused on her thoughts, she hadn't noticed the receptionists somewhat out of character gesture.
First, he heard her footsteps. He sprung to his feet and to the doorway of his office just in time to see her walking right past his office. "Sara!" He called after her as she walked briskly down the hall. He took off his reading glasses to get a better look at her.
She stoped in her tracks at the sound of his voice and turned on her heels. Her heart immediately started fluttering, a warmth rushed through her veins. The dirt caked around her face glowed from the sudden blush that overcame her cheeks. There he was. His beard was grown out longer and scruffier than she'd ever seen him let it before. His eyes were bright and sparkled with joy...and were piercing right into her.
"Hey." She was shocked, "You're back." She could barely speak. She hadn't expected him back for several more days.
He drew closer to her, unable to stop himself. He didn't even register that they were at work, everything around them faded out. He just knew he wanted to be close to her. But as he drew closer she suddenly realized the state she was in and began to walk backward, desperate to escape his proximity.
She lifted her kit up in front of her to create some distance, "I—I've been out at…"
"A garbage dump?" He took in her appearance. Body clad in department issued coveralls, dirt and marinara smeared across her forehead, her cheeks—his eyes drifted down—her chest. The smell was as good an evidence as anything else. He didn't care though, he needed to be near her. For every step back she took, he followed in step with a stride.
"Yeah… it's so obvious isn't it?" She smiled through her embarrassment, still walking backward. This is not how she expected their reunion to play out. She hadn't been on a trash run in weeks, why tonight?. "Nice um…" She gestured toward her chin in reference to his shaggy beard, "You look good... Gil."
His body tingled at her words. He touched his beard at her sentiment and smiled, all the while his feet brought him toward her, like a moth to a flame. Completely unable to resist her.
"Did you, uh, put the cocoon in my office?"
"Cool, dry, not a lot of light. It seemed like the right place for it." He was getting closer despite her attempts to stay away. He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. His eyes never wavering from her. Completely locked on hers. He was studying her eyes, every color, every shadow. It had felt like an eternity since he'd seen her real eyes, not just his detailed memory of them. If anyone in the surrounding labs and layout rooms were paying attention, the attraction would be undeniably evident. But despite the bustle ensuing around them, they were alone.
"I think you're going to be surprised when it hatches." His boyish grin made his whole face glow. His blue eyes sunk into her, boring through her. "It's a Polygonia Comma, also called an Eastern Comma. I found it just outside Thoreau's cabin."
"I have no doubt." She radiated a smile through pursed lips, "I'm going to go get cleaned up now…" His feet stoped moving him toward her, she had finally created enough distance between them for her to regain her mind a bit.
She could only imagine what she looked like in that moment after sorting through an Italian restaurant's trash for the last four hours. Deciphering marinara from blood.
She began to walk off as he called after her, "I'll see you later?" Meant as a statement for passerby's, but she knew better. He wanted to make sure, he need to know, that he would see her again sooner than later. A plead.
She turned back toward him and smiled knowingly, "Yeah. You will." Her voice was low and thick with suggestion. It caused his blood to drop low into his abdomen. She held his gaze for a moment longer, flashed one of her famous flirtatious smiles his way before dropping her gaze to the floor with a hint of bashfulness and then b-lined for the showers, forgetting completely about her plan to drop the evidence in her hand with Hodges first.
Grissom stood there for a moment, unable to move. He could feel his heart in his throat, butterflies swirled fiercely around his stomach. His Autonomic Nervous System and Enteric Nervous System had be activated fully. And he was frozen, occupying the space in the hallway they'd just shared. How could this be his reaction after just five weeks? He wondered. As he stood there, his heart still beating with excitement and longing, he began to realize something. Something he'd felt on occasion but had never stopped to put words to it. What he felt near her and for her was a deep pool of calm and quite love. It felt strong and reassuring and comforting. It felt like home. He was home in his love for her.
All he really wanted to do was follow her. To step into that shower with her and wrap her up in his arms. To hang onto her tightly with all the longing and desire he'd pent up for her over his absence. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her how much he'd missed her. How he couldn't wait to get back to her. How excited he felt to finally see her again.
But he couldn't. So he made his way back to his office to preoccupy himself once more with the paperwork he'd desperately wanted to avoid. His body felt the giddiness of anticipation. He'd never wanted to go home so badly.