Welcome to Way Down & Far Below.
We're starting in the present in Season 3! My take on the morning of Emily's resignation.
Emily's wall crumbles… 3x2 'In Name and Blood' Part 1.
It's going to be a long one.
"Can you believe Em?" Garcia said exasperated as she kept up with JJ.
"I know! Still hung up on that dude… It's kinda sad though." JJ replied as she pulled the glass door open and strolled into the bullpen with her fellow teammate.
"What's sad?" Reid asked from behind the blonde duo.
"Emily's not over her ex" JJ pipped up from over her shoulder as the now trio made their way to the kitchenette.
"I didn't know she was dating anyone?" Reid raised his eyebrows and set his shoulder bag onto the small table.
"No, my sweet, she's not dating anyone because she's hung up on 'Mr Wrong Time'… she said 'right guy, wrong time'" Penelope poured the young agent a cup of coffee and also handed him the carton of milk.
"Huh… so what else did she say about this guy?"
"Nothing. She's uber private about him" JJ shrugged.
"I don't like the idea of Em being sad" Garcia trailed off with a huff stirred her own coffee.
Hotch had sauntered into the bullpen whilst reading through a report he needed to finish this morning. He stopped at the edge of the kitchenette when he heard the name of the woman who had been plaguing his thoughts spoken in semi-hush conversation. Worry consumed him when he noticed they were speaking of her because she wasn't present.
"What's wrong with Prentiss?" a deep voice enquired from behind the trio.
"Oh sir. Good morning!" Penelope greeted with a smile.
"Morning, Garcia… is there something I should know?" Hotch said not showing his steadily increased level of anxiety. He prided himself of his composure and controlling his micro expressions. No one would break him, and no one would be able to know what he truly thought… 'apart from…' his mind teased in a sarcastic high pitch voice as if to remind him that lying to himself wasn't going to make his feelings disappear.
"No sir, Em is fine. We were just chatting about her ex."
"I haven't heard her talk about anyone new in her life… and speaking of Prentiss, where is she?" Hotch replied. A hundred questions rushed through his mind alongside a wave a of jealously his rational mind knew he wasn't entitled to. She said she wasn't dating… why would she lie? Unless it was to piss him off, but Emily wasn't that kind of woman.
"She's not sir, she's just too damn stubborn to admit that she's still in love with the guy." Garcia blabbed with a dramatic wave of her arms, and Hotch's eyebrows rose. He felt his tummy do summersaults at Garcia's admission. Of course, there could be a line of ex boyfriends who held Emily's heart, but a sliver of hope cut shone bright and he fought to conceal a smile. "Mm? Maybe she's just caught in traffic".
"Right." Hotch agreed and hoped it was convincing enough. The hairs on the back of his stood up; she lived about the same distance from the office as he did, and he was in later than usual… so traffic was not the reason she wasn't here.
"We're sorry to be gossiping like this, we'll get to work" JJ smiled at Hotch and glared at Reid and Garcia over her shoulder.
"Very good." Hotch said bluntly as he left the trio in the kitchen and marched up to his office. He slammed the door behind him causing agents in the bullpen to look up from their desks and then in the direction of the agents squabbling over their morning coffee.
"Niceeeee" JJ hissed to Reid and made her way to her own office. Garcia pat his cheek twice and headed to her lair as she called it, and left the agent alone bewildered at the interaction he hardly been a part of but was getting stick for.
/
His talk with Morgan rang in his mind, the disappointment and shock, and loyalty of his subordinate touched him. He knew he drove the team hard, and he was lucky that they all had such great ethics. They were more than colleagues; they were friends and Garcia always referred to them as family. It made him smile. With relatives living so far away and the little personal time they got, they spent more time together than with their respective partners. Morgan's loyalty meant a great deal to him.
Hotch slammed the report he had been reading down on his desk and pat over his pants and jacket looking for his cell. He pulled the device from inside his suit jacket and shakily searched through his contacts until he found Emily's name. She was his only colleague listed by her given name and not her surname. He pressed the call button and to his surprise she answered on the second ring.
"Hotch?" her voice rang through to his ear.
"Are you okay?" he asked, straight to the point.
"Yes, I'm fine. Are you?" Concern coated her words. His recent suspension was completely uncalled for and unnecessary, and wrong. A man who worked for justice, she knew how much this ate at him.
"I just- where are you?" he swallowed thickly.
He heard her deep sigh on the other end of the line. "I'm on my way to the office. What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. It's late". Hotch stated obviously. They were usually in the office at 8am, briefing's started at 10am and now it was almost 11.
"Yes. I have some stuff going on that I needed to figure out and I couldn't do it with- I couldn't do it at the office" Emily stuttered. Her heart thundered in her chest, and she wouldn't be all that shocked if he could hear it down the phone.
"You couldn't do it with me around?" he questioned rather arrogantly. Her worry had morphed into anger at his insinuation.
"What do you want, Hotch?" she snapped at him.
"I just want to know if you're okay" he said gently. His tone was soft and whilst he was being genuine, this wasn't a conversation she was expecting them to have today. The point of coming in later in the morning was to give herself some time… some well needed and well-earned break. Emily took a deep breath and tried not to let the memory of being sat in Strauss' office consume her once more. She had barely slept since the meeting had taken place and she had avoided Hotch like the plague; something she knew he had noticed as every step away from him she took, he took one closer to her.
"No, I'm not but I will be… good enough?"
"What do you need?"
"You can't help me, Hotch… so please don't try". She said dismissively and he knew that was the end of the discussion. He closed his eyes knowing he'd lost with her… again.
Work had been unbelievably busy; they'd barely spoken more than a few words outside of their respective jobs to one another, but he could feel the closeness between her and the rest of his team. Foundations were forming and their relationship had grown. She made sure they weren't together in every kind of situation; she always sat at the back of the plane usually with Morgan or JJ, she only went to fetch a fresh cup of coffee if Reid was up from his desk already and she sat in the chair closest to the door in the conference room.
"Okay… I should still be in the office by the time you get here, if you need anything-" he started, but the line clicked, and he was left hanging on a piling thread.
/
Emily pulled into the parking lot of the office and leant against the head rest. She couldn't believe that she was about to go ahead a quit the job she worked her ass off to get. The things she had gone through and done to get to this point, the refusal to get anywhere in life by using her name and now she was going to have to quit. Quitting was her only option. With the Section Chief out for Hotch's blood, there was no way she could hurt him like that. This job was who he was and no matter the hurt or pain, she couldn't be the cause of him losing that.
Not only would this protect him, but it might be the best choice for her. Resigning would mean closure.
No more Hotch.
No more late-night combing through the pieces of him she had kept all these years.
No more 'what ifs'. No more hearing about his new relationship. She could just move on and finally let him go.
"Quick and painless… two birds…" she muttered to herself as she got out of the car and headed towards the foyer.
The usual 30 second elevator ride felt like 30 minutes. She took a deep breath and entered the bullpen relieved to find that Morgan and Reid's desks were empty. She glanced up at the conference room and found that it was vacant. 'They must be on a case' she thought.
Without another thought, she sucked in a deep breath and wiped her clammy palms on her pants and made a bee line for her now ex-boss' office.
Hotch stood behind his desk looking at the empty boxes whilst Section Chief Strauss made her thoughts clear about what he should do next. He was growing impatient with the older woman who had made it evident that she wanted to wash her hands of him when Emily barged into his office.
'Emily'
His gaze shifted to the brunette who hadn't bothered to slow down upon crossing the threshold. She looked like Emily, but at the same time she didn't look like Emily. Professional dress as always but tired and worn.
"Sorry to interrupt" Emily said flatly looking at the Section Chief. Her eyes met Hotch's for what felt like the first time in weeks. Even though they had been working together, this conversation was personal and the best way to deal with something personal where Hotch was concerned was to remain unattached and definitely unemotional.
"Sir, I've decided to resign from the FBI, effective immediately." Her tone emotionless.
Hotch raised an eyebrow at her and cursed Strauss for being there. He couldn't talk to Emily. This was only Agent Prentiss. Instantly, something was off. There was a confidence about Emily in the way she stood and the way she spoke, as if she was fighting to keep whatever emotions in check. Tension was thick in the small office, and he remembered that it was Agent Prentiss… and not Emily he needed to address… 'now!' his mind shouted.
"I don't understand" was all he managed to muster. His eyes narrowed as if to articulate his confusion.
"I'm taking the foreign service exam" Emily answered. Her head titled and she broke from his burning gaze. "With my connections, I stand a good chance of landing in the state department".
'Uh… what!' he wondered internally, grateful that his true feelings remained hidden.
"Prentiss, I think that's a mistake". Hotch advised. He remained impassive because he had to but he wanted nothing more to drag Emily away and figure out what the hell was going on.
'Because it was a mistake' his inner voice spoke. 'A huge fucking mistake!'
His heart thumped in his chest, he wondered for a second if the ladies in the office could actually see it through his suit jacket.
"Well, don't try and talk me out of it." Emily replied with a crooked smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Garcia saw my name on the list, and she already tried."
Hotch tried to keep the vicious cocktail of questions and emotions buried. He remained frozen behind his desk, painfully aware that Strauss was shifting awkwardly, perhaps uncomfortably from where she was sat. 'No' his mind scurried, looking for puzzle pieces to whatever the hell was going on.
A sardonic laugh left Emily's lips and his hands balled into fists where they rest on his hips. "If she can't talk someone out of doing something, no one can". This time he caught Erin's eye wonder in Emily's direction, and it was if someone had handed him the finished puzzle.
"Sorry for the interruption" she addressed her now previous Unit Chief and Section Chief with a polite nod. She turned to leave his office once and for all but whipped her head around to make her feelings more than clear.
"But, sir, it's good to see you back." Emily offered Hotch a thin-lipped smile and she noticed straight away that her words meant a lot to him when he cast his eyes to the floor.
"The team needs you."
When Hotch looked back towards Emily, she was again focused on Strauss. Any other time, he would have said it was because she was brought up in bureaucratic and pollical situations and had good manners as a result of this. Today, however, he knew it because the questions that had haunted him the past 8 months had finally been answered.
"Ma'am" Emily nodded politely and hastily left his office.
Her legs were like Jell-O and she surprised herself when she made it down the five steps from her supervisor's office without tripping and breaking her neck. With equally shaky hands she crouched to pick up her go-bag from under her desk that sat directly below his window, picked up her car keys and almost ran out from the bullpen. Emily fought hard at the temptation to look back towards his office, almost in a silent goodbye but she felt his eyes burning on her back and carried on moving forwards. Getting out of there was priority one. 'Do not turn around. Eyes forward, Prentiss!' her mind ordered in a drill sergeant-like tone.
Upon entering the confides of her car and leaving behind her dream job, she pressed a button on her cell that was latched on the cradle on his dashboard and waited for the man on the other end to pick up.
"Hello, Princess" the enthusiastic English charm rang bright.
"Hi Dad" she answered with a smile.
"Are you alright?" Anthony Prentiss asked already knowing the answer.
"I'm fine, just a long morning." 'That much was true'.
"Do you want to talk about it?" the gentleman offered his daughter.
"Maybe later."
"There's nothing you can't handle, darling" he encouraged. Emily's heart swelled at his father's constant faith in her. The elder cleared his throat before divulging what was on his mind.
"I've just been on the phone with your grandfather… my god, that man can talk for England and that accent. Well, I've been married to mother for over 30 years, and it still sets my teeth on edge" Anthony rambled on.
Emily had always known of tension with her family, her mother's side were from the south and with her father being British… there was always a stereotype that the Prentiss man gladly entertained.
"And by talk to Grandpa, you mean hold the phone away from your ear whilst you read the paper?" Emily bit her lip at her father's pettiness.
"No, I did not read the paper, Emily!" Anthony feigned admonishment. "I finished the last chapter of my book, a bloody gooden that was!".
"Dad!" she cautioned her father's rudeness, but a giggle left her lip.
"I don't support your lack of tolerance or patience when it comes to Grandpa by the way, I was laughing at the fact that you can be so pedantic" she corrected.
"Well, he's no saint" Anthony added stubbornly. "I'm just glad your mother's accent phased out, otherwise who knows where we would have been!"
"The accent isn't that bad… what about yours, Churchill?" she teased. Members of her mom's side of the family called her dad by the nickname to wind him up and on many occasions, usually Christmas, it worked. Eventually her dad took the moral high ground and let it go, but it never failed to make her laugh.
"Oh, don't you start with that rubbish!" Anthony smiled down the phone at his daughter's playfulness when she chuckled at her dad's reaction.
"It's good to hear you laugh, princess… feel better now you've had a poke at your old dad?" he asked sincerely.
"Speaking with you always helps." Emily turned at the lights and parked in the underground parking of her apartment complex.
"I'm giving a talk at the academy next month and thought we could have lunch together? Providing you're not on a case?" Anthony suggested with a hopefully tone.
"That would be wonderful! I'll keep you posted with what cases we have and my schedule if I travel and we can arrange something." Emily replied with a bright smile.
"Sounds like a plan. I'll let you go, darling. Have a good rest of the day now and know I love you." Anthony said to his daughter and waited for her response before the line went dead.
/
A couple of hours flew by at the snap of his fingers.
The team was in Milwaukee looking for a guy who cut out the hearts of women: his wife was fuming at their house, the woman he was in love was upstairs having just quit the job she dreamed of, and he was in his SUV drumming his fingers on the steering wheel deliberating his next move.
'You didn't go through all that shit just to sit here and do nothing, Hotchner.' The voice that sounded like his father's rang in his mind.
Hotch furrowed his eyebrows and gave the radio in the car a stare that would have the object running in the other direction if it could. He froze, soaking up the words of the song he had only just started to pay attention to.
When this cold world comes between us
Please tell me you'll be brave
'Cause I can't realize the danger
When forgiveness fades away
If you don't love me
Lie to me
'Cause baby, you're the one thing
I believe
Let it all fall down around us
If that's what's meant to be
Right now, if you don't love me baby
Lie to me.
"You're listening to HOT 99.5 radio continuing with our Top 40 ballads on your Tuesday morning! In at number 8 that was Bon Jovi's, Lie to Me, from their 1995 album Lie to Me…"
Hotch cleared his throat and rubbed a clammy open palm over his face before he pressed the standby button the radio a little too firmly. 'Of course it was your ex's favourite artist' his subconscious scoffed sarcastically.
"Nice try, radio." He muttered as he switched of the ignition and left the car. As he stumbled through the main foyer of the apartment block, he thought back to the last time she ran and how he didn't chase her. No way would that be happening again.
/
Emily was sat in the corner of her 'L' shaped couch listening to a CD in the CD changer she had forgotten about. She tapped her short fingernails against the mug of tea she was nursing and turned the page of the latest novel she was reading. It had been hard to concentrate on anything other than the mass tension and the look on Hotch's face when she left the office a few hours ago. Emily paced around her apartment, showered twice, made a small lunch, and then boxed it up and put it in the freezer as her appetite had vanished, and now had settled on the couch.
She was in the process of reliving the last few weeks when a soft knock on her door caused her eyes to blink open. After setting down her cup and pressing a button the remote to pause the stereo, she walked over to her door and glanced through the peephole. She debated whether or not to open the door. She was light footed and the music had been nothing more than a low hum so she could pretend not to be in.
Through the door, she heard Hotch sigh dramatically.
"Emily, I know you're in there. Frank told me" Hotch said looking at the peephole and stuffing his hands into his pants pockets.
With a scoff, Emily opened her door apprehensively. "You spoke with my doorman?"
"He was very helpful. Can I come in?" he asked and nodded to the space behind her.
Emily stood to the side and gestured with her arm for him to enter and he breezed past her. Hotch took in the surroundings. Her place was fresh, vibrant, much like her parents house was.
He observed a bookshelf against the far wall and smiled at the catalogue of books and music, and dvds. Her coffee table sported a large candle, something jasmine and familiar. There was a small kitchen that featured a breakfast bar, and he noticed fresh fruits, bread and herbs on the counter. He fought against the smile developing and turned to find Emily stood behind him, watching as he profiled her home.
"I've imagined your place a hundred times" he said lowly. "I like it". From the corner of his eye, a red flashing light distracted him from the warmth of her and her home. He pointed at the stereo opposite the couch moved towards the coffee table where he pick up the remote control and pressed the play button.
"What are you listening to?"
"A Coldplay album" Emily answered.
Hotch sucked a breath between his teeth as a grimace formed on his handsome face. "Really?"
The gentle thrum of an acoustic guitar played through the speaker and a low voice began to sing:
"Honey, you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand"
Hotch heard a snigger from the woman who stood just as awkwardly as he and he wasn't unsure which to pay more attention to. The psychology and power of music, literature and poetry never failed to amaze him; it all said a lot about an individual.
"What?" Hotch asked.
"Uh, it's just this song reminds me of you" Emily bit her lip and played with her fingers.
She watched him as he listened intently to the words of the song and pulled a face in confusion. His mouth opened to argue but she held her hand up to explain before the question left his mouth.
"I know you don't have green eyes, but the rest is… apt-ish?" Emily offered with a shrug and a crooked smile. His heart melted. Of course, this is the most civilised conversation they're having – at a time where she no longer works for him.
"You know what reminds me of you?" Hotch suggested and tucked his hands back into his pockets. Emily shook her head and the soft, raven curls fell over her face.
"This Ain't a Love Song by Bon Jovi" He held her gaze when she raised her eyebrows in amusement.
"You listen to Bon Jovi?"
"No" he shook his head.
"Do you remember the morning after I got into that fight with Dan Barnes? Hotch said. He of course would never forget; he still bared the scar on his arm where he had been cut. Unbeknownst to him, Emily would also never forget this altercation for another reason; at the time of the fight, she was in love with the guy.
Emily scratched the back of her neck at the brief memory and nodded.
"Well, there was a song that came on the radio before you came to my office, and we never did look through your music collection to figure out what it was called." Hotch's head dipped and he scuffed his toe on the hard floor. 'Was he nervous?' Emily's subconscious asked warily.
"But it bothered me so not long after we ended, I brought all their albums and listened to them until I found it." Hotch said truthfully. "This Ain't a Love Song." He bobbed his head once as if to reaffirm the name.
"Wow…" Emily said quietly and raised her eyebrows at the man. "Stubborn" she huffed under her breath and made her way past him, further into the room until she was in front of her bookself but could look out onto the small balcony.
"Excuse me?" Hotch asked. 'What the fuck?'
"You. Are stubborn" Emily replied without a second thought.
"It takes one to know one" he retorted impatiently.
Emily looked across the open living room and met the hazel eyes that were fixed on her. The tension that seemed to follow them whenever they were alone started to rise up through the floorboards. She opened her mouth to speak but he spoke before she could begin.
"The team needs us. They're working on a case in Milwaukee." Hotch stated. "Gideon hasn't shown up, and don't tell me you quit, or I put in for a transfer."
Emily, who had looked away from him to focus on anything else, whipped her head in his direction once more. Did she hear this right?
"You put in for a transfer?" she asked incredulously.
Hotch nodded and the lines in his face almost spoke to her; he was disappointed with himself.
"They're both still hung up in the system, so technically we're dereliction of duty by not being there". His voice was deep and thick.
Emily shook her head and tapped into the shell of the person she forced herself to be this morning when she handed in her resignation.
"I'm sorry. I can't go.". Hotch watched the emotionless woman across from him and was torn between fighting with her to snap out of this or to just make his argument with Haley worth it and go to be with the team. He remembered a previous fight with Emily echoed in his mind, where she all but screamed that she was tired of him and his questions. He too was tired.
"Right. Sorry I barged in". Gripping his keys in his pocket, he moved from the living area to head for the front door. A thread of hope shone in him that she would stop him from leaving but the light dimmed upon each step, until…
"Wait. Wait." Emily stumbled behind him, irritated by his on-off demeanour.
"Can I ask – why are you really here?" Emily waved in his direction and Hotch turned at the door to step into the kitchen. The countertops surrounding him almost acted as a shield.
"I just told you". His voice deepened when he answered her frankly.
Emily knew Hotch better than most people, but she was also very good at her job. Her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth, and she raised her eyebrows challengingly at him.
Hotch held Emily's stare, admired she'd had the guts to do this since the first day she joined the BAU. He took a deep breath in through his nose to calm himself. 'Here goes nothing'.
"I think Strauss came to you and asked for dirt on me."
Emily took a step forward and shrugged in disbelief. "And why would she do that?"
Hotch answered her confidently. Keeping an eye on her micro expressions as he spoke about his theory. Emily didn't interrupt him or ask any other question, she held herself well and for him, that was all the confirmation he needed.
"I think she put you on our team and expected something in return. And to your credit, you quit rather than whisper in her ear." He added finally.
"I told you; I hate politics." Emily said shakily. All the anger from the last few weeks had left her body. There was no way she could have spoken to anyone about his without causing a pollical shit storm and she wasn't a snitch; she couldn't run to Hotch.
Hotch nodded with a ghost of a smile threatening to appear. 'Next leap'
"And there's more to why you left." He tested. Emily immediately took a step back and Hotch bit his lip. She couldn't hide from him.
"You can try your damndest to bury your feelings but I know you better than anyone, Emily Prentiss. I can sense how I make you feel."
Emily lifted her head that had been shaking ever since he said he began speaking again. "You can't compartmentalise how I feel about you, and you know what?" Hotch stepped into the space right in front of Emily who stepped back away from him again.
"I think you're pissed at the fact that you can't fix how you feel about me" Hotch said cockily. Emily's emotions were on high alert before Hotch had even shown up at her house, let alone now when he was so cocksure of himself. His attitude and constant analysing everything she said or did pushed her so far past a line she didn't realise she had.
"Wow, if you have this much time to think doing this job, imagine what you'll come up with the freedom you'll have in your new job" she bit sarcastically.
"Don't get smart with me." He said with an edge to his voice, letting annoyance rear its ugly head for a split second. This was not how this was supposed to happen!
"You have no right to do this, Aaron-." she raised her voice not thinking twice about what she was revealing to the very person she was trying to hide from.
"There." Hotch pointed at her. "There it is" he stepped further into her apartment and was back by the coffee table. "I'm your Achilles heel."
"Stop walking." Emily spoke. "I said stop" she held up a shaky hand and took a deep breath. Her home had never felt smaller. Hotch paused within a handful of small steps from the woman he was fighting for.
Emily drew in a shaky breath and smoothed her hair back from her face. Panic and anxiety filled her. The wall she had spent years constructing was crumbling within her. Hotch closed his eyes at the sight in front of him; Emily afraid, cowering away from him. She bit at the skin around her thumb nail until blood drew.
"I-I don't know" she inhaled deeply again to calm herself before talking. "I don't know what you think you see here".
Hotch rubbed his forehead, as if to prepare himself. He cleared his throat and raised his eyes to meet the same beautiful dark pair that enchanted him when he was twenty six.
"I see the woman I was in an incredible relationship with." He said simply, his voice thick. She watched his nostrils flare in an attempt to maintain his composure.
"I tried, Em. I tried so hard to bury the regret of not calling you or running after you. I really did try, and it worked… I mean-." He scratched the back of his neck and rubbed his hand across his shoulder. "It worked if it meant that I'd never be truly one hundred percent happy. And I was fine with that."
The hand that had been on the back of his neck, dropped and slapped against his thigh. He waved in front of him as he continued.
"But you came here, and it all just got crazy… I can't help how I feel."
Emily grit her teeth. "Stop."
"If you can look me in the eyes…" he dipped his head to try catch her line of sight. "… and tell me that you feel nothing for me then I promise you, this is the last time I'll bring this up." Hotch took a cautious step forward.
"But" he took another step. "If you can't then give me a chance. Give us a chance".
Emily's eyes that had been fixed on the cup on her coffee table behind him, looked briefly at his face. She pressed her lips together and willed herself not to cry or beg. She didn't even know what she would beg him for; to leave or to be with her.
"I can't look you in the eyes and tell you that". She said defiantly.
Hotch leaned forward and turned his head, so his ear was facing her. "And why not?"
'He's such a patronising, stubborn asshole sometimes!' her mind clenched her teeth in white hot rage.
"Be-because it doesn't matter!"
She wouldn't have been surprised if the groan he let out could have been heard in the apartment below her.
"I see the real you, Em. The one you hide from the team? I know her. I know the idea of me seeing you terrifies you; admitting you feel something for me is terrifying, because?" he let his temper get the better of him and opened his arms in a shrug.
"You think I'm only here to fuck around? To screw you because I'm unhappy in my marriage? You think you're the passing fling I'm due to have so my wife and I can get over a hurdle?" Hotch knew his choice of words would get her attention. "Well, you have never been a stepping stone or a play thing. You're you and I'm here asking for a chance."
"I can't. We can't do this." She crossed her arms across her chest.
"Help me out here. I need to know, for my peace of mind. Just answer the question, Em… Do you have a feelings for me?" he pleaded with her.
"I-I" Emily stuttered. She wanted to be honest with him especially when he looked at her like that. His weary sunken face and sad eyes… he was still so gorgeous!
Hotch stepped forward once again. "Do you have feelings for me?"
Emily shook her head and shifted her eyes to his torso, unable to hold his gaze.
"Emily? Do you have feelings for me?" he pressed gently but with a bite to his tone.
"Hotch, stop." Emily shook her head in panic and stepped back with each step he toward forward until she felt the wall against her back. She was trapped when he took a last step and stood directly in front of her, leaving less than a foot of space between them.
His woodsy cologne filled her nostrils almost instantly and she willed herself to breathe through her mouth. She watched with wide eyes when his head dipped towards hers.
"Baby" he whispered. The old term of endearment cut through every single defence she put up.
"Don't call me that!" she hissed through clenched teeth. Tears filled her eyes at the sound of the endearment. She never allowed anyone else to call her that.
"Do you feel something for me?" he leaned further forward and their noses almost touched. He watched her eyes dart between his own. His gaze dropped to her mouth when her tongue peaked through her lips to touch the corner of her mouth. 'A nervous tell…'
"Uh, Hotch-." she said shakily.
"Aaron." He corrected. He raised a hand to press against the wall next to her face when he saw her eyes flicker to the staircase next to them.
"Just say my name, Em" he said lowly.
"I can't."
"Then touch me" he tried.
"No" she managed to mumble.
The hand that wasn't pressed against the wall reached for her own where he folded her palm in his and lifted it to press against his chest, right over his heart.
The heat from her skin seeped through the cotton of his dress shirt as soon as he held her hand against him. She felt his heartbeat racing under her fingertips and she bit her lip at the internal battle she faced. She was beyond uncomfortable with their growing closeness and tried to pull her hand from his grasp and the inviting warmth of his body.
"No, Em. No more running." Hotch shook his head gently, understanding that they were stood on wafer thin ice. This was now or never, and he wasn't giving up until he knew the truth. "I'm real. My feelings are real, and we know that we can be incredible together… you just have to let us."
Emily sniffed and a single tear fell from her eyes. "What about that?" she nodded at the gold band on the ring finger of the hand holding hers against his chest.
Hotch cleared his throat as a mean of calming himself. 'Was this happening?'
"You don't need to worry about this." He wriggled his fingers. Hotch kept his face level with hers though his neck screamed at him. He forgotten how much shorter than him she was when she wasn't wearing heels.
She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right." a bitter laugh escaped her before she wet her lips. "Doesn't every guy say that just so he can have his cake and eat it? Nice try, Hotchner."
"Give us a shot, Em" he lowered his head for the last time and spoke almost against her lips. She felt his minty breath blow against her mouth and felt rather than heard his next words "Just… give me a shot."
Hotch's lips planted firmly on her own in a soft kiss. The hand on the wall moved to her face as he brushed the back of his knuckles down her cheek and across her jawline until his thumb rested on the curve of her chin. Emily remained motionless as his lips danced remained firm on hers. Hotch pressed his thumb into her chin causing her lips to part slightly and it was enough for him to take advantage and use his tongue. In his mind, he pleaded with Emily to take this leap with him and give him a chance.
Hotch nipped her bottom lip and let go of the hand that was still resting against his broad chest. Not wanting to break the kiss and not wanting any distance between them, he placed his hand carefully on Emily's hip and drew her lower body into his as he shuffled forward so their bodies pressed together. His thumb stroked her hip through her pants as if to convince her that she was what he wanted and needed. That it had always been her.
A whimper left Emily and she couldn't fight her traitorous body and heart anymore. With a small sigh that could have been one of resignation, she started to kiss him back.
'Finally!' he internally screamed.
It was Emily who deepened the kiss as her tongue meet his and she managed to lean into his hard body to stand on her tip toes so she could bring her hands up to wrap around his neck. It was Hotch's turn to moan when her delicate fingers found their way into his hair and threaded through the short strands.
Her senses were engulfed by him. He tasted as glorious as she remembered. Something minty mingled with his morning coffee, it was like a drug. She had always fell victim to his kisses, those soft lips were going to be the death of her. Giving in to him and her mouth now occupied, she breathed him in and whilst so much had changed, his cologne hadn't. It was woodsy and warm, like him and the sounds he made; no man made as much noise as Aaron did, whether that was making out or foreplay or during actual sex. He was incredibly passionate and made no effort to hide how he felt. She loved this man; always had and always would.
Minutes went by and it felt like they had stood their making out like teenagers for an eternity. One of Emily's neighbours slammed their door, and the noise was like a bucket of cold water. Emily snapped out of the trance first and with every ounce of strength she had, shoved his chest hard enough to break their kiss and for him to take a step back.
Their harsh breathing filled the silence of her apartment and the space now that was now between them. Emily squeezed her eyes shut when she saw Hotch bring his hand up to his mouth and touch his lips. She mimicked the action subconsciously and she tried not to over think the look of awe on his face, so she broke the silence.
"Y-you have lip gloss on your mouth."
"Right… yes… right" he stammered and wiped his thumb across his lips. Hotch shook his head carefully and remembered why he was here in the first instance.
"Hotch -"
"Come to Milwaukee." He interrupted.
Emily tipped her head back until she felt the wall behind her. The fingertips that she had pressed against her own lips moved up towards her eyes where she collected the tears that had gathered after she broke of their kiss… that kiss would now haunt her dreams she was sure of it.
"I'll make you a deal." Hotch offered when he watched her face scrunch in apprehension. "If your ready bag isn't here, packed, I won't bug you anymore."
"If it is, I want you on that plane with me." his baritone voice caressed her ears. He knew her bag was packed. She, like him, was always ready to move when needed.
"One more case."
Emily shrugged "I already turned in my badge and gun."
"That's just hardware". Hotch said with a tight smile. 'Victory!'. Emily pulled herself away from the wall by her stairs and carefully walked over to the small closet by her front door. Hotch stayed put and averted his eyes to focus on the ever-expanding collection of music she had.
"Are we going, or what?" she asked cooly. Thoughts and kisses from Aaron Hotchner firmly locked up in a box… away… out of the way.
His head whipped round in her direction and found Emily stood at her door with her go bag in hand.
Stay tuned for Part 2. Thank you very much for staying!