Chapter 27: Skewers and Barbecue
Kuroo didn't even bother to stop by his place and went straight to his boyfriends' instead. Sure, he didn't have any change of clothes left, but that was the benefit of having Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kenma in his life: he had three closets to raid, and no need to go to the sketchy laundromat anymore ! Pure bliss!
His boyfriends welcomed him back with a fantastic dinner. He had to admit though that he didn't honor it quite as it deserved. Just being there with them left him so ecstatic he hardly noticed what was on his plate.
Then, they all settled in front of the TV to watch a thriller, one with the most chilling yet irresistibly intriguing plot. Unfortunately for the other two, Kuroo and Bokuto were in peak conditions to play the movie commentary. The other two tried to ask them to stay quiet at first, to no avail. After ten seconds of silence, they leaned toward each other to whisper nonsense, trying to contain the childish waves of laughter that overcame them. Akaashi and Kenma eventually gave up, knowing full well they wouldn't be able to reason with them. So they let them be, occasionally chuckling at their remarks. However, they soon began to share their own comments. The euphoria spread to everyone, and they had to pause the movie several times, seized by laughter so intensely they had trouble breathing.
"Alright, next time we'll choose a bad horror movie, we'll have plenty to comment on, and no need to follow along," Kenma said as the credits rolled.
"We did follow along! We figured out who the killer was super quickly!" Bokuto retorted.
"We did," Akaashi conceded.
"Teamwork is essential for good detectives, that's all," Bokuto declared.
They chatted for a long time, their conversations taking increasingly convoluted directions. Kenma was the first to call it a night and went to bed, followed closely by Akaashi. Kuroo and Bokuto continued for a while longer before deciding that 2 AM was an acceptable time to go to bed. They continued to speak softly by the door of the master bedroom.
Kuroo had gotten used to sleeping in the upstairs bedroom, alone. Bokuto had long since abandoned the room for the master bedroom. As he was about to leave, Bokuto called out to him:
"Bro, do you want to come with me?"
Kuroo tensed. Everything that had been weighing on his mind resurfaced. He couldn't understand why it made him so anxious, and he would have to overcome it sooner or later. For now, it hadn't seemed to bother anyone, they were moving at his pace, and he was deeply grateful for that. But he would eventually have to explain himself, especially to Kenma... They still needed to discuss what had happened... And then...
He was snapped out of his spiral when Bokuto took his hand in his. As he looked up, his eyes met his. His boyfriend smiled at him. He smiled back. Bokuto took his face in his hands to kiss him and opened the door.
"See you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow."
Kuroo slept very little that night, battling his demons and tracing their origins.
-/-
Kuroo wasn't exactly young anymore. The cruelty of this fact was painful for him. When he was still vigorous and young, a sleepless night wouldn't have affected him so much. He would have woken up the next morning with as much energy as if he had slept for eight hours. And now, every waking second was a merciless battle.
Well, to his defense, he had been trying to catch up on sleep for a while now. The week at his parents' house hadn't been restful at all...
Kuroo had gone downstairs to do laundry. He had sat down to set up the program and start it but never got back up. Now, his forehead was pressed against the drum's glass, watching the laundry spin. His eyelids began to droop; he was close to falling asleep. But before he could fully succumb to it, he heard a knock at the door.
"Ji, are you there?"
Kenma.
"Yeah."
The blond walked in, about to speak, but stopped when he saw Kuroo's position.
"What are you doing?"
Kuroo lifted his forehead from the glass to face him.
"Nothing, just watching... I didn't sleep well."
"Oh..."
The silence grew between them.
"Do you… need anything?"
"Yeah, I wanted to… talk." the blond replied. "But if you're not up for it, we can do it later."
Kuroo knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. Sure, his neurons weren't firing on all cylinders, but he had rehearsed what he wanted to say enough times in his head. And maybe the lack of sleep would even help him overcome his discomfort. He didn't want to avoid it anymore.
"No, it's okay, don't worry."
The brunet tapped the floor next to him, and Kenma approached. He sat down beside him, and they both watched the laundry spin for a moment. Kuroo was the first to speak up again:
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked, knowing perfectly well the answer.
"About sex."
Oh boy... Kuroo felt the anxiety rising, but he tried his best to hold it back. He took a deep breath. Before he could say anything, Kenma spoke up again:
"And about me."
Oh? Kuroo expected them to talk about him, but... He glanced over, surprised.
"Oh, okay... Uh, I'm listening."
He saw Kenma lower his gaze. Kuroo frowned. While Kenma usually appeared composed, and confident, it was not the case now. He seemed upset, and... was he... afraid? The blond let out a restless sigh before continuing.
"Okay... um... First... I want you to know that what I'm about to tell you doesn't... affect in any way, shape or form, uh, the feelings I have for you, or their intensity..."
This time, Kuroo was starting to worry.
"Okay," he replied in a whisper.
Kenma lifted his gaze again, focusing it on him. He took a deep breath and said:
"I'm vegetarian."
Kuroo blinked before letting out a chuckle.
"What? Sorry, I... what?"
Kenma, however, didn't seem to be joking.
"Okay, imagine sex is like... meat."
"Okay."
"Well, then, I'm vegetarian."
Oh? Oh! Oooh!
"Okay," Kuroo simply replied.
His answer must not have pleased Kenma, who decided to launch into a monologue:
"Well... I can make an exception but... not an exception, it's not like I have... it's not that it disgusts me or that I have a mental block, it's just that... It's not my priority, I... And I... Well, no, I..."
His voice had become so weak that he couldn't understand what he was saying anymore, but the stream of words didn't stop. And the further he went, the more distressed he became. He saw tears welling up in his eyes, his limbs beginning to tremble. Kuroo had experienced enough panic attacks to understand what was happening.
"Hey, hey," the brunet murmured tenderly.
He took Kenma's hand in his.
Kenma abruptly stopped, gasping for air as if he had been holding his breath for several minutes. The kindness in Kuroo's gaze unsettled the blond. The brunet leaned in to kiss his temple.
"I understand, Kenma."
"Really?"
"Yeah..."
Kenma frowned.
"I don't know if you can understand, I... I'm not expressing myself properly, I don't want you to think that..."
"You just want to tell me that you're asexual, right?" Kuroo interrupted.
Kenma fell silent and turned his head, dumbfounded.
"Uh, shit, that's not it? Sorry, I don't want to label you or anything, it's just, it resonates with what I know, so..."
"No... That's it," the blond cut in.
He answered as if Kuroo had just performed a magic trick.
"Okay."
"Okay."
Silence.
"And Kenma, I understand that just because you're not sexually attracted to me... doesn't mean you don't like me... I... It's the same for me... Not that... Well, it doesn't change my feelings either."
Kenma looked him in the eyes before bursting into tears.
In his life, he must have seen Kenma cry twice: when he was seven years old, and now.
"Woh, woh, sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry! Did I say something wrong?"
"No, no, not at all... I'm just relieved."
Kuroo hugged him. Kenma wrapped his arms around his back to hold him close.
"I was scared, damn it..."
"Scared of what?"
Kenma sniffled loudly.
"I don't know... That you'd get angry... that you'd be disappointed..."
The brunet pulled away to look him in the eyes, raising an eyebrow.
"You were afraid I would be disappointed by your… sexual orientation?"
The blond chuckled, new tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I don't know... I was just scared."
Kuroo said nothing and hugged him again.
"Thank you..."
"Why?" Kuroo murmured.
"For this..."
Kenma pulled away, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
"Damn it," he sighed. "I wish it had gone this well before..."
Kuroo frowned:
"It didn't go well before?"
"No..."
"Oh..."
Kenma sniffed and turned his eyes to the washing machine.
"Kōtaro and Keiji understand now, and so do I... I know it's not my fault or theirs... And it's not a problem... But it wasn't always the case."
Kuroo pulled his legs up to rest his head on his knees, showing Kenma that he was listening.
"It wasn't a great time... And not understanding what was happening hurt me... Them too. We almost broke up..."
"Really?"
"Yeah... But they didn't let me down, and we moved forward, together. Our relationship still bears some scars, but... well, it's ok now. So thank you."
Kuroo smiled. They hugged again.
"I'm surprised you're so well-informed," the blond added.
"Hmm, I've done my homework. I consider myself an expert," Kuroo joked.
Kenma chuckled. They remained silent for a long time in each other's arms before Kenma pulled away. Kuroo chuckled, and the blond raised an eyebrow.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Nothing… I just… It's a bit ironic that you're the one who gave me the sex talk. They dumped it on you, didn't they?"
"Kind of, yeah," the blond grimaced. "But it concerns me too, so..."
"Hmm, okay..."
"I gather you didn't like it very much then."
"No, absolutely not. I understand that it was important, but...Well, I wasn't perfectly at ease let's say."
Kenma rolled his eyes but said nothing more.
"Okay, your turn."
"My turn?"
Kenma was looking way more like himself now.
"I was there, you know, I saw how you reacted."
"Oh... yeah."
Well yes, he had almost forgotten the original problem.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't feel like it. I just want to make sure you're okay."
"Hmm... I don't know."
Kenma raised an eyebrow. Kuroo took a deep breath.
"I'm not a vegetarian."
"Okay."
"But... um, I have to admit that I'm having a bit of trouble... having barbecues again."
"Oh, okay."
"I've thought about it a lot... And, I think I pinpointed the problem by now, well, more or less. But well, I think I know why I reacted that way."
"Do you want to tell me why?"
"Yes... Well, let's say... I didn't always have great barbecues."
Kenma frowned, alarmed.
"Nothing terrible, like, no big trauma, but... I think... um... I had a lot of barbecues... I'll stop with the barbecue, it sounds a bit orgy-like… Not that it's a bad thing, just, um to each their own, but that's not what I mean."
Kenma chuckled:
"I got it."
"Anyway, I had a phase where I ate a lot of skewers, oh my god, that's worse!"
Kenma let out a light laugh.
"You can give up on the metaphor if you want."
"No, it still helps. Anyway, barbecues—I've done a lot, often with people I didn't know well or really care to be around, and… well, I often went with the wrong intentions, you know? Not just for the love of grilled steaks. I thought it was 'cool' and fulfilling, that it somehow proved I was free to do what I wanted. But really, it didn't help. It just ruined barbecues for me and messed up my… relationship with skewers. Throw in an irrational fear of abandonment and… you get this..."
Silence...
"Okay... So you're afraid of intimacy."
Kuroo blushed furiously.
"Don't give up on my great metaphor!"
"It's my metaphor to begin with."
"Yeah, but..."
"Okay, okay. But did I get it right?"
Kuroo sighed.
"Yes."
"Okay," the blond murmured.
He took Kuroo's hand in his, inviting him to continue. Kuroo smiled, relieved.
"I thought it would get better because... I trust you guys and... And damn it, I really crave those skewers..."
"Pfft, okay..."
"But it didn't go away... I want them, but every time I envision, um, going to the barbecue, everything collapses, and I panic... a little."
"Okay."
"Plus... Well, it's been a while since I... had a barbecue. And then, I don't know, I've never eaten skewers with three, well, two, I'll take you out of the equation if that's okay?"
Kenma nodded.
"Two people, I mean, and it stresses me out even more, and..."
Kuroo didn't know how to end his sentence.
Kenma raised an eyebrow.
"What?" Kuroo asked.
"Ji, um... I gather it's not obvious to you but..."
"But?"
"You don't have to have sex," Kuroo grimaced and Kenma corrected himself, "eat skewers with both of them at the same time."
"Oh... yeah."
His response almost sounded like a question.
"But..."
"It's two people, you don't have to go at the same pace. I don't think it'll be a problem for them."
"Hmm..."
"But I think talking to them about it would be better, for them and you."
"Yeah..."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
They smiled at each other. Silence fell again. They only really returned to reality when the machine beeped to announce the end of the cycle.
"Come on," Kenma straightened up.
"Hmm, Kenma?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
He smiled.
"Thank you too."
Kuroo smiled and also got to his feet. He pulled Kenma close to him and hugged him tightly. Kenma responded to the embrace. The blond smiled at him and stood on tiptoe, Kuroo leaning down to meet him for a kiss.
"I starving now that we talked about barbecues."
"Damn, me too..."
They split up and went back upstairs.
Kuroo smiled to himself. Everything wasn't resolved yet, but he felt much lighter.
-/-
Well, it definitely wasn't resolved at all. Now that he had put words to the problem and had the will to move forward, his anxiety had turned into something much more tangible. He no longer wanted to avoid the discussion, but the idea of having to talk about it was almost painful. He had talked about it with Kenma, it had gone well, but... But the topic wasn't easy to broach.
Kuroo looked up from his book. He was sitting on the living room carpet, Kenma and Bokuto were sprawled on the couch, the blond using his mate's body as a giant pillow, both busy looking at the screen of the console Kenma held in his hands. Sitting in the armchair next to them, Akaashi was reading, occasionally stopping to note something down on the notebook resting on the couch arm. They were all together, but more or less engrossed in their own thing; it might not necessarily be the right time to talk about that kind of things... And did Kenma really want to find himself in the middle of this conversation again? And then...
"I like barbecues but I'm afraid to have them again," Kuroo blurted out without further ado.
The other three were startled by his sudden intervention. Kuroo had spoken without thinking, and he immediately regretted it. He grimaced and groaned, feeling embarrassment creeping up on him. Kenma burst out laughing, and the other two looked at him, incredulous.
"He's talking about sex," the blond clarified.
Well, now Kuroo felt like rolling himself up inside the carpet to disappear from the face of the Earth.
"Oh, I see," Akaashi responded calmly.
He closed his book and placed it on the edge of the couch. Adjusting his position in his armchair, he turned his gaze towards Kuroo. Bokuto sat up straight, turning his eyes towards him as well.
Well, damn, it was hard to back out now. Kuroo turned his eyes to the window to regain his composure.
"Did you want to talk to us about it?" Akaashi asked.
The tenderness in his voice soothed Kuroo.
"Yes... Um... You may have noticed that... I've been avoiding, uh, that."
Both Akaashi and Bokuto nodded.
He didn't really know how to formulate his thoughts or express them...
"Bro, um... it's okay, you know," Bokuto said.
"I know, but... Um... I've already talked about it with Kenma and... I want to move forward but... I don't know."
No one commented. They were waiting for him to finish on his own, to explain what was on his mind. He took a deep breath and summarized what he had discussed with Kenma, once again resorting to the metaphor of the barbecue, which apparently had become dear to him. Once he finished, he fell silent. He didn't really know what reaction he was expecting from them. Akaashi and Bokuto nodded.
"Bro, no worries, you know. Go at your own pace."
Akaashi nodded.
"Do you know what you... would like to do? What would you be more comfortable with?"
"No, I have no idea."
"Okay."
The three of them exchanged glances. Bokuto was the first to speak again.
"You know, Bro, um, you don't have to go to the barbecue all at once or even go there at all. Like, there are plenty of steps before, like going to the butcher to choose the right cuts, preparing the sauces, buying charcoal... Well, lots of cool stuff!"
Kuroo frowned, not entirely sure he followed. Apparently, he was the only one, as the other two seemed pleasantly surprised by the aptness of this intervention.
"Um, Bo, I usually understand you fine, but you lost me there."
"I think what he's trying to say is that there can be intimacy without sex."
"Yeah, that's it," confirmed Bokuto.
Kuroo felt silent. He was right. He had so often rushed through the steps that he had almost forgotten they could be distinct. This thought reassured him. He let out a smile.
"That's true. I'll think about it. Um... Thank you."
"Why?"
"For listening, I guess."
Bokuto leaped off the couch and threw himself at Kuroo. He hugged him tightly, making sure to offset their height difference so he could plant a kiss on his head. Kuroo smiled and hugged him back. He was proud to have already taken this first step.
-/-
It took him a few days to focus on what he wanted to do; how he wanted to move forward. In the meantime, he'd gone back home and spent several afternoons with the members of CATO who were still around, which, fortunately, was pretty much everyone. He reunited with his boyfriends without having fully decided how to approach his problem. Since their last discussion, Kuroo hadn't brought up the topic again, and no one had pressured him to do so.
He was sitting in the living room, Bokuto was lying on the couch, Akaashi in his armchair, and he was sitting on the carpet, leaning against the couch. Kenma had left them earlier in the evening to start his stream. Bokuto absentmindedly stroked his hair, his gaze fixed on the TV screen. He wasn't quite sure what they were watching anymore. They had spent the day outside, and the heat had tired them out. Fortunately, the night air had cooled them down. Akaashi was the first one to get up.
"I am going to bed."
"Hmm, me too."
Kuroo also straightened up. Bokuto yawned and turned off the TV. His boyfriends kissed him before parting ways and headed to the master bedroom. Kuroo went to freshen up before heading back upstairs. He looked at the bed, indecisive.
"Okay," he murmured to himself.
He grabbed his pillow and went back downstairs. Once in front of the door, he hesitated. He took a deep breath and knocked. A vague murmur responded to him, and he opened the bedroom door. He saw two heads turning towards him in the darkness.
"Kuroo? Did you need something?"
"Um..."
Silence.
"Yes?"
"Can I sleep with you?"
They looked surprised but agreed.
"No barbecue, just... sleeping," he clarified.
"Okay," Akaashi replied, already half asleep.
Kuroo stepped forward and closed the door behind him. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness and approached. Akaashi and Bokuto had left him some space between them, and he slipped in. He noticed that they were both sleeping shirtless. He blushed foolishly but quickly regained his composure. He hesitated but eventually sat up to remove his T-shirt. Once settled, he heard Bokuto murmur:
"Cuddle?"
"Yes."
Akaashi wasted no time and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his chest against his back. Bokuto slid under the sheets to snuggle closer to him, resting his head near his chest, his free arm draped over his hip.
Oh my god, he was going to boil.
"Goodnight," he murmured.
Kuroo fell asleep almost instantly.
When he woke up, the room was completely bathed in daylight, the sun's rays penetrating the room through the skylight. Kuroo had to close his eyes, overwhelmed by the brightness.
"Hello," he heard someone whisper.
He opened his eyes. Bokuto was smiling at him.
"Hello."
He ran his hand through his hair and leaned in to kiss his lips.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Hm."
Kuroo slid his arm under Bokuto's and drew closer to him. Bokuto followed suit, resting his forehead against his. They stayed like that for several minutes. Kuroo felt good. The contact of their bare skin, his body against his, without it being sexualized, just out of pure tenderness. That was what he had missed the most. He smiled to himself. He wrapped his arm around him a little tighter, and Bokuto joined in the embrace. His boyfriend kissed his neck and rested his head on his shoulder.
"Pff, look at him."
Kuroo disentangled himself to turn his head. He chuckled as well: Akaashi had moved during the night. He was now facing away from them, right at the edge of the bed, half of his body hanging off.
"How did he manage not to fall?"
"I have no idea, he always does that."
"Do you think we should help him? He's going to end up on the floor."
Bokuto rolled his eyes.
"Wait."
With a less-than-graceful movement, he climbed over Kuroo to reach Akaashi's side. Kuroo turned completely to watch them. Bokuto leaned towards the brunet, whispering something before kissing his ear. No response from Akaashi. So Bokuto proceeded to pull him away from the edge. The gesture was not very appreciated judging by the low grunt that escaped the brunet.
"Stop it! You're going to fall, you big idiot."
Akaashi eventually complied, though he continued to growl. He shielded his eyes from the sun with his arm, muttering under his breath without anyone being able to understand what he was talking about. He lay on his side, hiding his face under Bokuto's arm who was lying on his back. Eventually, he opened his eyes, and his gaze met Kuroo's. His lover smiled at him.
Akaashi let out a deep sigh, apparently satisfied to see him. He reached out his hand, and Kuroo understood his request. He moved closer to them, and Bokuto opened his free arm for him to snuggle against his side. Akaashi raised his hand to stroke his face and let it glide over his skin until their hands met and their fingers intertwined. Kuroo closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.
-/-
Kuroo had gradually become accustomed to this kind of interaction, and he had to admit that it was becoming almost addictive. Soon, he spent most of his days cuddling. The Mediterraneans knew it well: naps were the best! There was nothing greater than sleeping in the middle of the day! It wasn't productive, but he had nothing better to do anyway. His new rhythm resembled that of a pampered cat: he spent the night with Bokuto, Akaashi, or both. He woke up and went back to sleep with Kenma, who went to bed at dawn. He would then get up around ten or eleven in the morning, and once breakfast was over, he was off for another nap. One thing was certain, he had made up for all the lost sleep hours during his nights of psychological turmoil.
Still no barbecue in sight, but the idea was becoming less and less frightening to him. No one had tried anything, letting him go at his own pace.
Kuroo was engaged in his favorite activity that morning: cuddling. He and Bokuto were lying in bed, the brunet caressing his boyfriend's skin as the latter was clearly struggling to stay awake. His hands stopped at his neck, and he frowned. Bokuto noticed and opened his eyes completely:
"What's up?"
"Nothing... I was just thinking, don't you have a mark?"
It was Bokuto's turn to frown:
"A mark?"
"Yeah, you're mated, right?"
"Yeah."
"But you don't have a mark?"
"A mark?" his boyfriend murmured, not seeing where he was going with this. He eventually understood and chuckled:
"Bro, here's my mark," he indicated, pointing to his head.
Kuroo looked horrified.
"On your skull?"
"No, bro, in my brain."
Okay, that didn't make any sense now! Brain surgery for that? Wasn't that a bit extreme?
Bokuto continued to laugh.
"You've watched too much porn, bro!"
"I didn't!" the brunet defended himself. "I thought that like, uh..."
"The whole biting thing, nah... The Sô-shis do, or did that, but it's more of a territorial thing. But anyway, you don't have to have a mark to be mated."
"Oh."
Kuroo looked at him, starting to realize the extent of his ignorance. Bokuto smiled, amused.
"Do you even know what it is?"
"What?"
"The bond."
Kuroo opened his mouth to answer, then closed it immediately. He tried to recall the little knowledge he had on the subject, but, judging by the earlier remarks, it seemed that knowledge might be less reliable than he thought.
"No," he admitted.
Bokuto stretched. After readjusting his position, he continued:
"It's a neuro-physiological synchronization, you don't need a physical mark for that."
"Oh."
Surprising how the same person who had given you a very poorly constructed speech on the lives of earthworms ten minutes earlier would throw out the term "neuro-physiological synchronization" as if it were nothing. Life was full of wonderful surprises!
"Oh, okay."
Kuroo let his head fall back onto Bokuto's chest.
"But then, how do you form it?"
Scientist mode activated for Kuroo.
"What?"
"The bond."
Bokuto let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"No... It's not completely unconscious, but still. I don't think I could explain. It just... happens."
Not much for the scientific explanation, he needed to educate himself on the subject.
That's exactly what he did. Unfortunately for him, science wasn't much advanced on the topic either. He found plenty of complex explanations about the nature of the bond, but very little was known about its establishment.
Although he didn't get answers to all his questions, this event had the advantage of reminding him of something important. Something he hadn't considered earlier, but which evidently mattered: he didn't have the same secondary as his boyfriends. And he had to admit that despite learning quite a bit about it over the past few months, he was far from being an expert. In his everyday life, it didn't bother him too much; he learned as he went along. But now that he was seriously considering the idea of returning to barbecues, he was starting to think that it might be important to learn a little bit more about that matter.
So, he undertook to do what he did best in these situations: theorize. Unfortunately for him, the internet wasn't much help. He typed things like "omega anatomy," "alpha sex," and the like, but only encountered very little educational content. He had established that watching pornography was not a reliable source. So, he was now looking into old-school techniques: books.
To do this, there was nothing better than a trip to the university library. Kuroo first wandered through the aisles, ashamed of the nature of his activity. He quickly regained his composure: firstly, he was doing it for science, nothing shameful about that. Secondly, there were hardly any people around. This wasn't surprising, since not a lot of students wanted to bury themselves in books during summer break.
There wasn't much on the subject, just a few old drawings in atlases dating back to the last century, with faded colors and dog-eared pages. The hardest part was finding data on male omegas, which science had apparently decided to overlook... He was now busy examining a diagram showing the differences between beta's and omega's uteruses. He had never thought about it before, but it was true that there must be differences, given that the cycles were not the same and that...
"What are you doing?"
Kuroo jumped, sending the pen he had in his hands flying across the room. He turned and found Yamaguchi, looking in the direction his pen had taken.
"Oh, Yamaguchi, what are you doing here?"
"I'm waiting for Tsukki, he's working in the archives."
"What's he doing?"
"I don't know, sorting stuff. What are you doing here?"
"Nothing."
Yamaguchi didn't say anything, but he wasn't fooled either. He leaned over Kuroo's shoulder to see what he was looking at. Kuroo tried to close the book, but the young man intercepted it before he could. Of all the people he could have run into, it had to be Yamaguchi who stumbled upon him. While he expected a mocking response, he simply replied in an even tone:
"Your book sucks, is it from three centuries ago or what?"
He continued flipping through the pages, without his gaze meeting Kuroo's:
"Plus, there's nothing on female alphas and male omegas, it's ridiculous."
"Uh..."
Yamaguchi sighed. He pulled the chair next to him and sat down:
"Can I take this?" he asked, pointing to the stack of papers under his elbow.
Kuroo nodded, unable to understand what was happening.
"Thanks," he grabbed a pen from his pencil case and began drawing on the sheet he had taken.
"First of all, there's no trunk like that, I don't know where that comes from, uterine horns look more like this..."
Kuroo looked up, stunned by the direction this discussion was taking.
"Are you listening to me or what?"
The brunet blinked several times:
"Uh, yes."
"Okay, so in female omegas it's like this, but in males it's not connected the same way..."
Kuroo took a moment to focus, but eventually let himself be drawn in, listening carefully to each explanation his friend provided. Ten minutes later, Yamaguchi had drawn multiple carefully labeled diagrams. He even titled each one of them.
"Well, I think that covers it, here you go," he said, handing him the stack of papers.
"Um... thanks."
Kuroo looked at what he had in his hands with a vacant expression.
"Are you okay?"
"Um, yeah, I'm still not over this whole 'expandable clitoris'. It must hurt like hell..."
Yamaguchi smiled at him.
"I'm not sure, maybe in the first cycle, but after that, I guess it's okay."
"Uh..."
Silence.
"Um... I didn't know you were so, um, knowledgeable about this"
Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow:
"You know I'm studying biology too, right? I'm just a year below you."
"Uh yeah, but... I didn't know... And don't give me the 'you're a clueless beta' shit, we had the same curriculum, I know we didn't cover that."
"Uh... I'd like to specialize in pharmacology in this field, what they're doing today is crap. Okay, suppressors can be a good thing and all, but it's not great on many levels. So I had to learn on my own."
"Oh, okay. Um... It's impressive."
The young man smiled at him, proud of himself.
"Okay, so why did you want to know about this?"
"For... my education."
Kuroo didn't sound confident, and Yamaguchi didn't believe him for a second. He saw him raise an eyebrow, pressing him to answer his question.
"It's true though... I just realized that... Well, I don't have the same secondary as them, and I didn't want to remain ignorant."
Yamaguchi nodded but didn't take his eyes off him, sensing that there was more to it.
"What? Did they ask if you wanted to spend their cycles with them?"
Kuroo's eyes widened, and he almost choked on his saliva.
"No! No! Damn it, I'm not there yet... Shit, I hadn't thought about that either... Anyway, no, far from it... Well, not far, but..." He didn't dare to finish his sentence. He looked up, staring at Yamaguchi for a long time. "Damn it, am I really about to have this conversation with you?"
"What conversation?"
Kuroo sighed and let his head fall into his hands.
"Oh! You want to talk about sex, right? Ah, go ahead, I don't care, chill."
"No, not chill," muttered the brunette.
"Dude, now that you're there, just keep going."
Another sigh.
"Okay."
"Yeah!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, clapping his hands joyfully.
Kuroo looked up.
"What? What do you want?" his counterpart asked.
"Can I braid your hair?" the brunette asked.
Yamaguchi frowned. "What? Why? And we're in the middle of the library!"
"No one's here. And honestly, I don't want to face you while I talk about this, and... it relaxes me. Plus, I'm not bad at braiding; I braided my sisters' hair for years. And I often braid Kenma's hair."
"I love it when you casually drop that you braid my idol's hair."
"Um, so?"
"Okay."
Kuroo turned his chair to the side, and Yamaguchi did the same. Once positioned with his back to Kuroo, he undid his bun to let his hair fall.
"Woh! I never noticed how long your hair is, you always have it tied up," Kuroo remarked, grabbing the mass of hair that reached down to his friend's upper back.
"Um, I like them like this."
"Give me your hair tie."
Yamaguchi complied, and the brunet began running his fingers through his hair to detangle it.
"So?" the younger one began.
"So."
Kuroo fell silent.
"I didn't give you access to my hair for nothing, spill the tea."
"Okay... um, first, I... um... eeehh."
He let out the last syllable in a high-pitched squeal.
"Eeeeeh what?"
"Damn it, I can't believe I'm telling you this."
"Shut up, come on!"
"Okay, um, I... we haven't... well, you know..."
"Oh? Um, okay."
Yamaguchi didn't add anything more. It reassured Kuroo, who continued:
"It's on my end that it's… problematic let's say. I'm a tiny bit... scared of intimacy, and... um, I'm trying to work on it, it's getting better, I guess, but..."
Kuroo stopped for a moment, waiting for his friend's reaction. He said nothing. Kuroo sighed, feeling a bit more confident now. He started parting Yamaguchi's hair evenly to begin braiding.
"So, I'd say it's getting better, but it's not quite there yet. And then, I realized that... well, like I said, we don't have the same secondary, and I just wanted to know... what was different, you know."
"Hum... And you thought looking at diagrams in old books would help you," Yamaguchi remarked somewhat mockingly.
"I don't know, it was that or weird porn."
Yamaguchi chuckled, and Kuroo pulled his hair to silence him.
"Stay still!"
"I'm not moving!"
Silence.
"Okay, so, do you want to know if sex is different?"
Kuroo pulled on his hair again.
"What? That's not it?"
"Well, yeah..."
"Okay then. Well, I think I'll disappoint you, but out of cycle, there's not much difference. Unless you need a lesson on sex between guys, but..."
"No, I'm good," Kuroo interrupted.
"Well, there you go," he sighed.
Kuroo sighed.
"Oh, and by the way," Yamaguchi added, "omega males get wet," he chuckled like a child who had just said something silly.
"Really?"
"Yes."
Kuroo didn't know what to do with that information.
"Okay... And, the thing you mentioned earlier?"
"About what?"
"The alphas."
"The knot?"
Why had Kuroo gotten into this already? It was almost torture! He undid the braid he had just finished to start over.
"Hmm, that."
"Hum, it doesn't really happen out of cycle either... And I don't want to spoil the surprise," Yamaguchi finished before giggling childishly.
"Shut up."
"You shut up."
They both chuckled this time.
"And during a cycle?"
"Um... are you sure you want to go there? Besides, I could tell you in theory, but it varies from person to person. From my experience, we spend several days beforehand cooking because we eat like five during, and then my head is so messed up that I wouldn't even be able to tell you what I'm doing. I just know that I wake up several days later feeling like I survived an apocalypse and spend the following days sleeping and doing laundry.
"Oh... that sounds lovely," Kuroo commented ironically.
"Real lovely. Your head is so full of hormones you can't think straight anymore, even talking is difficult, if not impossible. That's why so many of us know sign language; you can't engage in philosophical debates, but it helps. And then it's super funny; you can't necessarily stay in your apartment because you might really annoy the neighbors and end up on the streets. So, it can be really expensive to find a place to spend your cycle sometimes..."
"Oh... I didn't know that."
"Hum... it sucks a bit."
"I can see that..."
"But... when you're with someone cool, it's not too bad..."
Kuroo smiled.
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"For talking about it with me."
"I know you can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes right now."
"I think Oikawa has a bad influence on you."
"How do you know it's not the other way around?"
"What the fuck are you guys doing here?"
They both turned around.
"Oh, Tsukki baby," greeted Kuroo.
The person addressed didn't appreciate the nickname very much.
"Just talking," Yamaguchi told him.
"About what?"
"Nothing."
"Sex."
Yamaguchi and Kuroo had spoken simultaneously. Kuroo shot his friend a dark look, who just smiled. The news didn't seem to faze the blond, who approached without further comment.
"And why do you look like a freaking fairy?" he added to his partner.
"A fairy?"
Yamaguchi pulled out his phone to look at his reflection with the front camera. Kuroo was quite proud of his work: two braids on the side, and another in the middle fell into a large braid that he had brought back over his shoulder, a masterpiece.
"Wow, it's so pretty!" Yamaguchi exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Told you."
"To think I doubted you! You'll have to do it for me again."
"I hope I won't have that kind of conversation with you ever again."
"Oh, my poor friend, I think your hopes are in vain."
Kuroo chuckled but said nothing more.
"Well, we were planning to go for bubble tea, wanna come?"
"Yeah, okay."
"Cool!"
"Why would he come with us?" Tsukishima intervened.
"Oh, Tsukki baby, don't you want me to come?"
Tsukishima grimaced, and Kuroo did too.
God, that sounded way dirtier than he intended.
"Sorry… Not what I was going for."
To his surprise, Tsukishima snorted. He turned and started walking toward the entrance.
"I'll wait for you guys outside, hurry up."
"Yes!" Yamaguchi and Kuroo exclaimed.
It was only a good half-hour later, with bubble tea in hand, that Kuroo remembered something crucial:
"Damn it..."
"What?" Yamaguchi asked, busy looking at himself from all angles in the window in front of him.
"I forgot to pick up the pen I threw on the floor."
Yamaguchi, surprised by his response, burst into laughter.
Of course, he never saw that pen again. May it rest in peace.
-end of the chapter-
Next chapter "Bon appétit"
"See you tomorrow," the blond signed to him before turning back to his screens. Kuroo opened the office door quietly. Akaashi and Bokuto were asleep by this hour, so he had no reason to disturb them. But as he opened the door to Kenma's room, he stopped, caught off guard by noises coming from the corridor. He couldn't immediately make out what it was and leaned over a little to get a better look. Oh: apparently, his boyfriends weren't asleep. There they were, Akaashi pinned to the wall by Bokuto, the two of them kissing like the world was about to vaporize.