A/N: My previous comment about not having comments/readers was I think due to a site glitch, cause it was showing me nothing! lol It is now showing readers, etc. But even without comments, I plan to finish this fic :) Sorry this update took so long!
Jumin's POV
"And you assure me my donation will remain anonymous?" I say into my office phone with a weary voice. It was probably my hundredth call of the day, but at least it was one I wanted to make.
"O-of course, Mr. Han," a shaky voice says back. "We're just so grateful to you for donating such a large sum. It will, of course, take some time, but we will be able to make a lot of headway with this."
"I would hope so. Put it to good use. The sooner South Korea feels its effects, the better."
"Agreed! I'll put in a phone call tonight to some major tv networks and politicians." My cell phone rings as they speak, and I pull it out immediately, hoping it's Zen. But the caller ID pops up as V. "With this amount of money," they continue, "we should be able to make a big push forward and improve public perception."
"Good. I'll leave you to it, then. Goodbye." I hang up, then quickly answer the call from my friend. "V."
"I hear congratulations are in order."
"Congratulations?" I ask in a mumble.
"Ah, perhaps with everything that has happened, congrats doesn't have quite the right tone. I should say that I'm glad Zen is alright, and I'm also glad that things have worked out between you two. I suppose I gave you some pretty poor advice about moving forward with him. I'm sorry." V's voice is soft as he apologizes.
"Do not fret. I initially did not believe it would be possible, either." I spin in my chair, glancing out of the wall-to-ceiling windows, finally noticing how dark it has gotten. Frowning, I feel Zen's absence in my core. It's so late. I need to get home. How did I even survive this entire day without him…? My body screams with the need to see his face, to feel his skin, to be reassured by the proof of his presence before me. "Is that the reason for your call?" I am not normally so curt with V. It is so rare for him to get opportunities to chat.
"Partially," he answers. "I also received messages from Jaehee asking about the possibility of an RFA party for the new charity you are starting at C . I think you should do it. I won't be able to attend, but I think the RFA should jump on this opportunity."
"I see. Very well. And do you have a date in mind already? You said you won't be able to attend."
V is silent for a moment, then says, "You should have it this weekend. Saturday."
"Why so soon?" I can't hide the surprise in my tone.
"Let's take advantage of the publicity on the C charity to get more participants and donors."
"But that's not really an issue, and planning the party this quickly will pose some difficulties."
"I've thought about it and I've decided the timing is right." His wording and his tone register as resolute.
"...I understand. This Saturday, then." V must have his reasons. Just then, I hear a knock at my door. "Come in," I call.
Assistant Kang walks in, carrying a black Samsung bag and two thick manilla folders.
"Excellent timing, Assistant Kang. I'm on the phone now with V. We're discussing the RFA party."
"Actually, I should get going," V says through the line. "But I trust you'll take care of it, Jumin?"
"Of course," I respond, still unsure of his motivation or rationale, but determined to follow through with V's request.
"Wonderful. Then, I bid you adieu. And Jumin," he says with a smile in his voice, "I am so happy for you. That you've finally found someone. …Good luck," he continues, his cadence falling. "I hope that love always brings you happiness."
The call clicks off, leaving an unexpected weight in my chest. I ignore it, though, and turn my attention to my secretary.
"You had something for me?"
"These are the international export revenue hard copies from today's meeting, the financial summary for the charity start-up," she says, passing me the folders one at a time, "and here are the phones you requested," handing me two new cell phones from the bag. One has a white case, the other black.
I hold up the white one. "For Zen?"
"Yes, sir. Though you did not specify the purpose of the phones, I deduced the reason was related to the fiasco with Luciel this morning."
"You would be correct."
She gives a soft nod, then continues. "I set the contacts and security as you stated, and also specified other settings and applications that seemed pertinent to your situation. For example, a shared photo album and a location-sharing feature."
This is why she's lasted longer than all my previous secretaries. Assistant Kang is exceedingly competent and forward thinking with any given tasks. Perhaps I should give her a raise, as Zen has suggested.
"Sir," she continues, "may I ask what V said about the RFA party?"
"Yes, he wants us to have one on Saturday," I mumble, unlocking both my new and old phone and transferring my few photos of Zen.
"Saturday?"
"Yes, Saturday."
"This Saturday? As in five days from now?"
"Assistant Kang, do you need to have your ears checked? I should not have to repeat myself a third time." So much for that raise, I think irritably as the final photo goes through.
"But, Mr. Han, sir, how can we possibly-"
My cell rings again, cutting her off, and this time I'm sure it must be Zen, wondering what is taking me so long. But for a second time, his ID is absent from my screen. Instead, I am met with the number for Mr. Chun, my head of security.
I answer and snap the phone to my ear. "Speak."
"Hello, Mr. Han. Probably nothing, I don't mean to alarm you, but I was just informed that Zen left the penthouse a few hours ago and has not yet returned."
What? My breath ceases, the air instead swirling in my lungs like a dense, noxious gas. He texted me hours ago that he was going to get snacks. Has he still not returned…? I put the call on speaker while I double check our message thread, looking for anything more recent.
My head of security continues, "He told the guard on duty that he would be right back, but with the amount of time that has passed and the recent events of last week-"
Vague conceptualizations cascade over me in an instant, all too hellish to allow to take shape, and yet each scenario vaults over the last in nightmarish flashes, dragging the words kidnapped, injured, and even dying to the centerstage of my thoughts.
"Find him," I snap. "Right now." The words spill out at full speed. "Get everyone on it. All units. I don't care about the cost, just-"
"Mr. Han," Assistant Kang's stern voice interrupts my panic.
Her voice flips a switch inside me and forces my outward composure, but it is fragile. A veiled part of me is screaming, banging at the internal walls, tearing at the mental tethers.
"What?" I ask coolly, making sure my face is taught in its usual formal solemnity before I look up at her.
She pushes her glasses up her nose and continues. "Sir, as of right now, there is no reason to panic. Also, as much as I am also concerned for Zen, you have to be aware of the PR nightmare your full fledged advance caused last time. Let us just take a moment," she looks over the brim of her glasses and levels me with her gaze, "take a breath, and try calling him."
Yes… I need to call him. If I hear his voice… then I'll know he's okay. No! No… I need to see him. Be with him. See him and feel him and… but at least if I hear him…
While I struggle with my inner turmoil, I hear her ask, "Mr. Chun, have there been any attempts to contact Zen on your end yet?"
"No, Ms. Kang," he answers, his voice grave. "Again, I didn't mean to cause any alarm."
"Can you put out a small effort while we make attempts here to reach Zen?"
"Of course, ma'am. I will get a few of my best on the ground immediately, see what they can find. If anything changes, just let me know and I can either amp up or down the search efforts."
"Got it. Thank you. We'll reach out to Zen now."
The call clicks off and I immediately reach for the phone to dial Zen. My muscles strain throughout my whole body, tense with nervous energy. But as it rings and rings, and finally cuts to voicemail, I find any passing sanity I was still clinging to begin to fragment and give way. I call again, hands shaking this time as I press the green call button, but with the same result.
My interior self is gone. Hollow, muted fear is all that's left. I call him again, almost on autopilot. Is he really kidnapped? Is he hurt? My Zen… My Zen…! My darling angel, where are you? I need you. I need you to be okay.
"L- Let's get more people looking for him," I stutter and tremble through my order. "Contact the police as well, and h-hospitals. Let's see if Zen may have-"
"Mr. Han." I look up to see an odd expression on Assistant Kang's face that I cannot place. "I'm not sure why you're assuming something is wrong. It has only been a few hours, correct?"
"But he said he'd be right back!" I snap, hands slamming on my desk. "And time is of the essence with these things. Whether he's been kidnapped again, or is injured, minutes, no seconds could be the difference between life and death!" My hands slam again. "And it's already… it's already been hours…" I let out in a stifled murmur as I stare at my hands, not recognizing my own extremities as they shake in white knuckled, desolate fists. I need to find him.
"I understand, sir..." I spring up and begin to shuffle around as Assistant Kang speaks, making sure I have everything I need to leave. "As much as I believe panicking will not help the situation, I do understand your concern." Then, with a sigh, she adds, "If only he already had his new phone… Then you could simply use the shared location feature and we could find him in minutes."
I still as my eyes widen. "Luciel."
"You think Luciel can help find him? He might very well be able to…"
Before she even finishes speaking, I dial him. "He said this morning he can access our phones through the messenger app, yes? Then maybe he can-" I hear the shift in tone as the call connects, and before he even speaks, I find myself shouting, "Zen's missing."
Zen's POV
The wind whips my face as my bike rumbles beneath me. Heart pounding from adrenaline, I lean into the speed until my soul is sated and the anxiety is forgotten. The further out from the main downtown I go, the fewer lights I have to guide my recklessness. But I have a goal in mind. My favorite place. My secret place.
Not too far outside the heart of the city, there is a sideroad in the middle of the mountains. If you follow it, it leads to a short path through a forest with a wooden walkway looking out over the landscape below. As I race around cars nearing the turn off I'm looking for, I feel the calm set in. Despite the horsepower thrusting me forward, my heart rate slows as I near my destination.
I turn, leaning into the bend with my whole body. As soon as I'm off the main road, I release my tight grip on the throttle. With a slow exhale, I allow myself to close my eyes for a few short seconds on the empty road.
As my eyes snap back open, I feel renewed, but it is quickly taken over by shock over how dark it is without the lights from the main roads and city.
"Shit," I mumble to myself. Jumin will probably be finishing up any minute now. I need to call him as soon as I stop. I need to let him know what happened today. But as my thoughts run through what was said, and what decisions I need to make… I realize I don't want to tell him. And do I even need to? I think, grinding my teeth. The only reason it would matter is if I get the role tomorrow, and what are the chances of that? Memories of Jumin's happy, relaxed expressions pour through my mind. A Jumin I never thought I'd see. A Jumin I love so dearly now. He was already so pouty about being away from me just to go to work today… I don't think he'd be happy to hear I have to go back to my apartment. I dip my head and loosen my grip, easing up even more as I approach the small parking area by the hidden trail. But… if it does happen, he said he'd support me through these things, right?
I pull sideways across two of the four spots to park my bike. I look up towards the trail, lit only by the hazy moonlight shining through the trees, and can't wait to go to the overlook. I'll have to bring Jumin sometime.
Wait… "Ha!" I laugh suddenly, remembering that this is where I first met Jumin. I smile at the memory. His prim and proper suit and tie looked so out of place on the mountainside. Not even a single hair astray, either. …I hated Jumin after that meeting. Decided that he had no faith or understanding in me or my talent or my perseverance. That he was a robot who was trying to throw his endless money around. My eyes narrow into the night, smile falling. God, I was such a fucking asshole.
Swept up in the desperate need to call Jumin, I swing my leg over my bike and reach into my pocket to pull out my phone. But as I do, I am startled by bright headlights and the squeal of tires. I try to steady myself, but the car is coming at me quickly. Too quickly. Are they going to run me over?! I stumble back, heart racing, and trip, falling onto the grass.
I pull my arms up in a desperate attempt to shield myself, but the impact never comes. Instead, I hear a door slam and footfalls, followed quickly by a familiar voice.
"Zen! Zen! Are you alright?"
His hands are on me within less than a second, unyielding and yet shaking. Even backlit, I am confident this is Jumin. His smell wafts around me. The still foreign feel of his high-class jacket brushes against my bare skin. And his breathing… Wait, why is his breathing so jagged? And why did he rush here and almost run me over? Wasn't he still supposed to be at the office? How'd he even find me here?
"Jumin, babe, what's going on?" I grab him back, pulling us both up to a stand and turning him so I can see his face in the light from his car.
I flinch. What the…? Jumin's expression is wild. Strained in a feral, life or death kind of way. Unlike anything I've seen before on… anyone. Especially Jumin. His eyes tremble in their sockets, even while they are held wide open, pupils dilated despite the brightness I turned him towards. And… I realize I have seen this look before. On Jumin. Just… not in real life.
"Zen," he continues, voice as shaky as the rest of him. "You're okay? You're okay, yes? Please," he begs, gripping me so tightly it hurts, "Please, my sweet, my darling, my angel, tell me you're fine."
"Y-yes, babe, I'm fine. Totally fine. Everything's good…" I pry his tight fingers from my arm and take his hands in mine, stroking them with a slow massage. "Are you okay? Why are you so…?" Scared, I think. In my nightmare, I had assumed Jumin was being aggressive… But this look, this way he's panicking right now… It's fear. It's absolute terror.
His head drops, and I hear him panting, but the breaths deepen and slow, and finally steady out. "Yes," he says, raising his gaze to mine, and this time his eyes are somewhat normal. They're still dilated. They're still wider than usual. But the hysteria is gone. "Yes, now that I am with you, I am fine."
"Okay," I say cautiously. "Well, Jumin, what was wrong, though? I was just about to call you… I thought you were still working. What time is it?" I twist to grab my phone from my pocket and see… 27 missed calls?! "Jumin! What in the world is going on? Did somebody die?"
His jaw trembles for a fraction of a second, and I barely clock it before he straightens himself out and answers, "No, nothing like that. I just… I just thought that… Well, it was…" His tone remains steady, even as he uncharacteristically stumbles to find words.
"That would be my fault, Mr. Zen, sir," comes a deep voice near the car. It makes me jump, as I didn't notice anyone else here. I try to look past the high beams, but I only make out two large silhouettes surrounding the car, and I'm not sure who is speaking. "My team informed me that you intended to be out for a short amount of time, but then didn't return to Mr. Han's home for an extended period. With the recent kidnapping incident, I thought it best to make sure you were safe."
"Oh…" I murmur, understanding dawning. "Oh, no. And because I wasn't answering, you thought…?"
Jumin's only response is a tightening of his facial muscles and a stoic stare reminiscent of his 'robot' look. And I'm not sure how, but despite his outwardly calm disposition, I can feel this pain pouring off of him. Guilt floods over me, tears springing to my eyes, but I force them back.
"Oh, baby," I groan, reaching out and pulling him into a hug. I want to kiss him, to smother him in love and attempt to atone for my sin, but I am also aware of the unseen faces hiding behind the headlights. So instead I hug him tightly, so tightly we feel unbreakably connected, and whisper apology after apology in his ears.
After I feel like Jumin is sufficiently and authentically reassured, we make plans to head home. One security guy contacts Jaehee to let her know I'm fine, while the other takes the keys to my bike to take it back to the parking garage near my apartment. I said I could simply drive it back and they could meet me to pick me up, but Jumin insists that I stay with him. Like, really insists. To be honest, just getting him to let go of me for a moment so we can both get into the car is difficult enough.
Once we're in, we ride in silence. He never stops touching me, one of his hands clinging to my wrist in this weird way, and most of the time he sits with his eyes closed, head bobbing as if to a slow beat. The only break in this monotony are his occasional looks in my direction. Occasional smiles and raised eyebrows as if asking me a silent question. So I just smile back. But I keep to the silence. I kind of… need it right now. My mind needs time to process what just happened. I do, really and truly, feel bad for not contacting Jumin sooner. I had no idea that going out for a couple hours unexpectedly would make him… freak out like that. But the fact that that's all it took… is a little crazy, right? And the similarities in his gaze earlier tonight to that of his gaze in my nightmare… It scares me. It had originally felt like a prophetic dream, but I had brushed it off. But now…?
Is he just that scared for my safety? How can I reassure him? Would he really… tie me up and make it so I can't leave…?
But as I question these things, Jumin sighs and leans in closer to me, and his expression is soft, finally calm it seems, and just full of love. And I remember the reason I brushed off my dream in the first place. I love him. I trust him. He's just scared, and I can be more careful to contact him more often. That's easy. So, for now, I'll keep it to myself what the director said, and just focus on my audition tomorrow. If the time comes where he gets scared again, we can work through it, just like tonight. It'll be okay. We'll be okay.