Book One: The Birth of the Order

Chapter II: I'm a Werewolf

Music Theme: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John

Hogwarts: Spring 1976...

The young Lily Evans entered an empty Gryffindor common room, a dazed look covering her face. She was just returning from the hospital wing. McGonnigal had informed her that her best friend, Severus Snape, would be there for the rest of the day. The reason was left unexplained. Determined to find out what all the mystery was about, Lily skipped breakfast and visited her friend to get to the bottom of things. What she found, was unexpected.

Lily slumped on the couch and crossed her arms to think. "How could Sev say such horrible things?" Lily asked herself aloud. "Remus wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone-" She was stopped when a sniffle came from the stairway to the boys' dormitory. Lily jumped from her spot and looked around "Is someone here?" She walked over then stopped at the bottom step. She could partially see boy, who was hidden as the stars curved around. He was sitting on the steps in blue and white striped PJ's. "Who is that?" she asked and a startle sniffle echoed back to her. She leaned forward as far as she could, knowing the enchanted steps wouldn't allow a girl to set food on them. "Remus? Is that you?"

"Go away," His voice came. "I'm sorry, but… I'm not feeling well." He pulled his legs to his chest to hide them from view.

"Remus, please come down. If you're sick you should go to the hospital wing."

"Madame Pomphrey said I could stay in my room today since…"

"Since what?" No answer came and the suble crying continued once more. "...Since Severus is in there?" She asked quietly. His lack of response, but increase in sniffling confirmed this for her. "Remus, go back to bed if you don't feel well."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just… can't." The truth was that the young 5th year boy had come down from his bedroom for some chocolate he had left in common room, but weak from the moon the night before… his legs buckled on the way back up the steps and he could hardly climb up any further. Lily sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. "Severus said he can't leave the hospital all day. I think he's faking it though. He doesn't look injured to me."

"Did… did he say what happened to him?"

"He said… he said he was attacked by a werewolf."

"...and… and do you believe that?"

"I didn't… until now."

There was a long silence as Remus processed what she could have meant by that then he blurted out, "He told you!" Remus shouted between anger filled sobs. "That slimy git told you!"

"Remus, calm down. You didn't do anything."

"Didn't I?! I could have killed him. He's going to tell everyone and they'll run me out of the school."

"Remus, please…"

"As soon as my legs are up to it, I'll take my Prefect badge to Dumbledore."

"Remus, you're overreacting. I'm sure you didn't mean-"

"Don't act like I'm innocent, Lily. I'm a monster. He will be sure to tell everyone that."

"No you're not. And he won't tell the school."

"Of course he will. He's always wanted something to use against me and the lads and now he has it."

"Remus…" Lily was quiet for a long time after that. She was tempted to ask more questions. How many years had he dealt with the secret? Did the boys know? Certainly they had to. Did Dumbledore have to pull some strings to allow Remus as a student? She mentally hushed her curiosity. The only question she did manage to let through her mouth was, "Would you like some Pop-rocks?"

"W-what?"

"Poprocks. It's a muggle candy, but I find them remarkably similar to-"

"I know what they are."

"Oh… well I have some in my cloak pocket. I was just waiting on a friend to share them with."

Remus is quiet for a while. Lily then heard some soft thuds. Remus inched his way down each step on his bum until he made it to the bottom. His eyes had dark circles underneath them, his face was cut and bruised. "Why are you being so kind, Lily? I've never seen someone so casual about this. Especially a muggle born. Plus, I could have murdered your best friend."

"Remus Lupin would never hurt a soul. And maybe now Severus won't go snooping about."

"He wasn't Lily…"

"How else did he find you?" She held out the bag of poprocks and Remus stared at it. He didn't answer as he held out his hand to accept the candy, his eyes welling up with more anger filled tears as he thought over the night before and how his own friend, Sirius, had led Snape to the shrieking shack as a prank. A horribly selfish prank. Lily poured the rocks into his hand and grinned. "Besides, if Severus wants to continue to be my friend then I would hope he doesn't spread a word about this to anyone. And Remus…" He looked up at her green eyes and she gave him a serious look. "I'll be sure to remind him of that."

Diagon Alley - September 1979...

"So where exactly will this be? The Order, I mean." Marlene asked.

"Dumbledore says we'll be meeting in the Hogshead pub in Hogsmeade" James replied to Marlene. "We'll change headquarters when needed. We probably should get up to par on our dueling again just in case there is any work that puts us in harms way. I don't know what Dumbledore is going to ask us all to do. For all who have decided to join, Dumbledore has invited you to the meeting tonight."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "But the Hogshead? Isn't that a little public for a meeting like this?"

"We're meeting upstairs in a private room. Apparently Dumbledore knows the bartender" James replied.

Lily nodded and her eyes drifted to Peter sitting at the table and staring downward. "You've been quiet, Pete."

"Huh?" He looked up at her and glanced to everyone else who started staring at him. "Well, I just think you lot are all talking about it like we are going back to school. Practicing duels, getting into mischief… it all sounds fun and exciting but what James said about possibly dying… well, am I the only one that resonated with?"

"I don't know what Dumbledore has planned for us" James said to Peter, "but I'm sure there will be danger." He tried to hide any signs that he was worried. "But I know this is the right thing to do. Besides, who is a match for the four of us, let alone all of us combined?" Just as James said the words, he noticed a familiar figure pass the window before them. A slender, tall boy roaming the streets of outside. It was someone he hadn't seen since school.

"I know, James, " Peter continued, "But given all Tabitha saw. And you heard what Frank and Alice said last week spoke to them." He turned to Tabitha knowing she would have missed the update, "They're new aurors and things are getting... strange at the Ministry. Frank said-"

A distracted James stood up, letting go of Lily's hand. "I'll expect to see you all tonight then." He looked down to Lily. "I'll be right back, I just have to go to Gringotts and make a deposit. I'll catch up in a bit"

With that, he exited the ice cream parlor and headed out into the streets of Diagon Alley. Not two seconds into his treck, he spotted the youngest Black again among the crowd. "Regulus?"

Regulus glanced over his shoulder to James. His eyes were cold and stern and his face was the typical countenance that every Black carried. He met eyes with James for only a moment before turning and running through the crowd towards Knockturn alley.

James chased after him, weaving through crowds of people. "Regulus! I just want to talk!"

Regulus stopped and turned around, his wand at the ready "What do you want?" They stopped in a small alley, secluded from the crowds.

James held his hands up to show he had no plan to harm Regulus. Still, he stayed on alert in case Regulus didn't comply so he could dodge a spell. "Alright. Just lower your wand...and we can talk."

"Just a talk, eh?" He glanced over James' shoulder to ensure nobody was with him before lowering his wand. "What is it you want?"

James looked around to make sure no one could see them. "I want to offer you a way out. You don't have to do your family's bidding. If you leave this crazy group of dark one followers, I can offer you protection through Dumbledore. I know you think this is what you're destined to do. I know you think this is what your parents want for you. But I'm telling you. If you stay with you-know-who, he's only going to use you and once he has what he needs, and from the first mistake you make, he will kill you. You're in way over your head."

"I'm not falling for this, Potter. I know that this is just one of your classic schemes."

"Regulus, I'm not joking" James's expression was serious. "You don't know what you're dealing with."

"And you do?" He clapped back. "Oh wise, mature Potter... can't even mutter the dark lord's name. Or do you only act like you know it. Maybe you still don't even believe he exists... would you like to find out?"

"You won't be alone if you leave them," James replied calmly trying to stay focused. "You could go back to school and finish your studies. Sirius I'm sure would be more than happy if you choose to join us. What I'm saying is, these crazy people don't have to be your only option. You can leave all this behind you."

"Can I?" He said it with more sarcasm than anything else.

James nodded, "Yes. Just trust me."

Regulus didn't say anything for a long moment. His expression softened and he looked as if he was truly debating the choice. Suddenly they heard steps approaching and a voice said, "Trust you? That's a laugh, Potter. But then, you always did like practical jokes, didn't you?"

"Snape," James mumbled with a furrowed brow.

"Potter." The young man was dressed in all black with dark features and he stared down his long nose at James, his wand in his hand.

James noticed and quickly, but calmly said, "I don't want trouble."

"That's a change. What do you want, Potter? Want to steal another friend from me?"

"I don't recall that being how it happened."

"What a surprise. Perfect Potter never remembers his faults only his triumphs. Well, here is a failure for the books, Head Boy." He looked at Regulus and nodded up the ally. "Let's go, Regulus."

The younger boy turned and started up the alley, only for James to call after him. "Regulus…" but he was stopped when he heard Sirius' voice calling him from the street.

Snape gave a little bow and smirked. "Your subjects are waiting, Lord Potter." With that he turned and James resisted the temptation to have a row then and there.

Outside Borgin & Burkes...

Knockturn Alley was a dismal place. The windows were blackened from the dirt that long had settled there and water from dark, damp corners leaked onto the stone streets. Among the odd characters that collected in this dreary corner of the world, was a slender boy named Lucious Malfoy. The recently graduated wizard leaned against a wall and waited patiently for other members of Voldemort's ranks. The clop of heels on stones brought his eyes up and he grinned at the sight of Regulus. "Look who is finally here. The Black's little prince."

"Don't call me that."

"What were you doing in Diagon Alley?"

"You have to walk through it to get here, you know."

"Yes, but it doesn't take as much time as you've been gone. Careful, Regulus. Someone may think you were having second thoughts about your loyalties."

"Careful, Lucious," He grunted. "Your marriage to my cousin is still fresh. I could arrange for an annulment if you push me too hard. Blood is thicker than water. Now then, where is the meeting with the dark Lord?"

"He won't be joining us today."

"I'm not surprised."

"Sad? Don't worry, Regulus. I'm sure you'll have a chance to show off in front of him soon enough. In the meantime, Narcissa is waiting for us at the table. Come inside."

Meanwhile...

Inside Fortescue's, the young adults became children again for a final time. None of them could ignore the trouble brewing outside as people spoke in whispers and headlines filled with panic, but for now they could just be carefree one last time. Marlene couldn't help but notice Sirius seeming distracted, staring out the window. "You alright then, Black?"

"Just wondering what is keeping James," he insisted and immidiatly resumed his usual posture. He always sat upright as if to appear taller than he truly was. He wrinkled his nose and sniffed as if to reset his expression.

"It's more than that," she said in a low tone as if to whisper. The rest of the group was chattering away, but Marlene and Sirius were position at the end of the table and nobody seemed to notice their private conversation. "You're upset about something."

"I'm not upset," he lied. "Anyway... since when do you care. I thought you were, oh how did you put it, 'never speaking to me again' hmmm? Not that I remember why."

"No you probably don't remember. You were drunk enough." She stirred her ice cream about and when it appeared Sirius wasn't going to continue speaking about it she leaned forward. "You don't actually not remember right? You were bloody plastered at the end of year party. You humiliated me. I mean I'm over it but still. You could have apologized. It was embarrassing."

"Since when do you care what I do, McKinnon?"

"I don't. I didn't... but still. An apology would be nice."

"Can't exactly apologize for things I don't remember. Sorry. Oh hey, does that count?" He shrugged and smiled. He enjoyed driving her mad. He never really understood why, but somehow it helped distract him. At this moment, distraction was what he needed. He knew what James' plans were with Lily. He knew he would soon be saying goodbye to their friendship as it was, but at least some things, like teasing Marlene, never change.

James entered just then and sat beside Lily, trying not to look Sirius in the eye for risk of revealing his most recent confrontation with Regulus. "What are we talking about then?"

Tabitha nodded to Lily. "She was telling me all about how you are dragging your feet."

James turned bright red and looked at Lily who was just snickering at Tabitha's blunt joke. James opened his mouth to defend himself, but the only words that escaped him were, "Padfoot do help me pick out an ice-lollie, would you?" He jumped right back up and Sirius obliged.

Lily smiled at them as they walked away. Her eyes fell back onto Tabitha. "For a moment there you almost seemed like you enjoyed spending time with us. But now you look uncomfortable again."

"Lils," Tabitha started. "You did nothing wrong."

"I must have. Or one of us did," she said back with a sigh. "You left without saying goodbye and even now you seem miserable to be here."

"Lily... I left because of, someone else. I realized something about someone else."

"Like a secret about one of us?"

Remus instantly looked to them both, depsite Peter rattling on and on beside him about some new muggle movie about 'wars in the stars'. At the sound of the word, "Secret" he was locked into focus on the two girls.

"Lily," Tabitha went on. "I realized something... about someone... something I couldn't confront. And it scared me. I realized if I stayed I might have to face it and I just couldn't do that. I couldn't risk hurting someone I cared about."

Hurting someone? Remus thought. Tabitha's family were banshee hunters. They would be against her knowing a monster like a werewolf. She was Lily's best friend and he was James'. She left to avoid seeing Remus again. That had to be it. She knew his secret!

"Moony, are you listening?" Peter said and nudged Remus in the arm.

"Huh? Oh... y-yea. Go on Pete. What about the movie? Tell me more about the Skywalker guy." He tried his best to focus on Peter but his mind was spinning.

Tabitha glanced at the two boys and caught Remus' slip of focus. She shrugged it off, thinking it was nothing, but became aware of how candid she was being with Lily in the middle of everyone. "Lily. Just trust me, please. You mean more to me than you know. You're like my sister. I know leaving without saying goodbye hurt you and for that I'm sorry. But trust me, the reason I left had nothing to do with you. Ok?" She smiled and Lily nodded softly, taking Tabitha's hand. She didn't reply aloud but the two knew that things were mended for now.

At the ice cream counter, James sighed in relief. "Well Pads, here we are."

Sirius just nodded, his arms crossed and leaning against the glass as he gazed down on the flavors. "You going to pick a flavor, mate?"

"I'm not hungry. That's not why I pulled you away."

"I suggest something, sugar free," Sirius continued, his gaze still refusing to look James in the face. "You're jumpy enough as it is."

"Sirius..."

"Vanilla is also a good option. Basic, like you."

"I'm going to ask her, Padfoot," He finally managed to say. Sirius kept staring at the ice cream in silence as James went on, "I'm going to ask Lily to marry me," he whispered to him.

Sirius didn't reply for a while. Finally, he turned and faced James, hands in pockets now. After a prolongued inhale he smiled. "About time, I guess. When's the funeral?"

"Is that all you have to say?"

"What? You want me to get on my knees and beg you to run away with me instead?"

"Of course not."

"Right... we'd be a disaster. Better stick with a quieter type like Moony."

"Sirius," James said coolly. "I mean it. This is a big deal."

"You don't think I know that? I just want to know when the big question goes down is all?"

"W-well... I guess I need to pick up the ring first. It's being sized."

"Diamond or Ruby?" James blinked, shocked that Sirius even knew Lily's preferences. "I notice things," Sirius just shrugged in response.

"D-diamond."

"Good man." The worker behind the counter had finally reached the boys point in line and Sirius called over the galss to him. "Sugar-free vanilla for four-eyes. Nothing for me." When he looked back to James he could tell that his friend was scared shitless. "Hey... she isn't going to say 'no'. And if she does, the offer to run off with me still stands."

James couldn't help but smile. "Thanks Padfoot."

It felt like a lifetime to James before the group finished their ice-creams. All began to part ways outside the ice cream shop. James took Lilys hand and reminded the others of their meeting place. Sirius had volunteered to pick up the ring for the jeweler for James while he went to the public owlery with Lily who'd asked to send one more letter home, for fear it would be her last for a while if things were as dangerous as they seemed.

Marlene could sense the uncertainty on Tabitha's face. "Are you going to bail on us again?" She said matter-of-factly.

"Wh-what? No. It's just-"

"Tabs-" Remus squeaked and cut her off. He cleared his thought. "I'd like to talk to you." The expression that crossed Tabitha's face confirmed his worst fear. it was him she was afraid of. Her wide eyes when she looked across his scarred face said it all. But he couldn't risk the Order loosing help because of him. If he needed to clear the air with Tabitha to prevent that then so be it. "Come on. We will only be a minute."

Tabitha and Remus stepped outside and found a quiet alley nearby and waited a moment for the first person to speak. Remus saw that Tabitha was clearly declining the chance so he spoke first. "Sorry if I ambushed you. I've just noticed you're not acting like your old self and I figure it's because of me. I don't want to upset you."

Tabitha looked at him surprised. "You didn't upset me." She looked down "I know. I know I'm not myself. I thought I could hide it but it was foolish of me. I just wasn't expecting to see you all. I was expecting to come, get some cash, buy a Prophet and head back to the muggle world. I wasn't prepared for... all this."

"I can see how overwhelming that would be."

"It's just... the reason I left... I couldn't keep certain secrets anymore. They were too painful. I left so I wouldn't have to face... So I wouldn't have to bite my tongue anymore. I know it was selfish. Coming back and seeing you all made all those secrets and feelings hit me like a ton of bricks. Add to it the offer to join the fight against dark forces and… well..."

"I understand, Tabs. It was more of a day than you were anticipating." Remus remembered their old, conversations about secrets and how much he wanted to just be honest with her. It pained him to know that now that she had found out it was an added burden on her. "If it helps... you don't have to worry about me. My secret shouldn't be a burden to anyone."

Tabitha looked up at him. "What?"

"I never meant for my condition to affect anyone like that. Most of all my friends." He faced away from her and continued, "I know you are uncomfortable around me now, but I hope you know I'm still the same person I was back in school. Back when we were good friends. Great friends, I thought. At least that's who you were... and are to me."

Tabitha continued to blankly stare in confusion. "Your condition? What condition are you talking about? Are we talking about the same thing?"

"Wait. You mean you didn't leave because of my condition?" He froze and ended up just staring at her.

"I didn't even know you had one, Rem. I mean, I know you were ill in school many times." Sudden worry crossed her face. "Are you all right, Rem? Does Potter know?"

"He… he knows, but I'm starting to think you don't."

"Don't what?"

"Know."

"Know what?"

"My secret."

"Well I think the same goes for my secret."

"What is yours?"

"Oh no, Remus. I couldn't."

"Well, I can't tell you mine."

"Then why did you pull me back here?!" She began to get frustrated and Remus just groaned.

"Because I thought I was the cause for your leaving. I would have to be an idiot to not clearly see that. You were uncomfortable beside me at the meeting, you hardly look at me. I heard what you said to Lily. I even noticed in our last semester that you stopped talking to me as much."

"Remus…"

"If it isn't my condition, then fine. Just tell what it is. I know it has something to do with me. What did I do?"

"Remus."

"Need I remind you that my friendship with you doesn't always have to involve the boys or Lily or anyone else?"

"Oh, Remus," Tabitha groaned as if the oxygen has been sucked from the air around her. She grabbed his arms to steady herself and to stop him. "I left because I was in love, alright?!"

"What?" His eyes widened and he stood in shock.

Tabitha crossed her arms and looked away. "Yes, me. The girl who swore she would be alone forever fell in love."

Remus' face scrunched a bit out of mild jealousy but then softened, "Tabitha, that isn't bad. That is wonderful. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I know you. I know how I can't keep my mouth shut around you because you're so easy to talk to and so kind to me. I thought I would say too much... Now I have." She refused to look back at him.

"I won't tell, Tabs. You know me better than that. I'd never hurt you. I think you deserve happiness more than anyone."

"No... I don't."

"Don't be so defeatist. That's my job," He chuckled. He rested a hand on her shoulder. "I know your childhood wasn't easy. I understand that more than anyone, trust me. We all have skeletons in our closet. But... if you loved someone then you should go after them, not run away."

"Even if they said that sort of life… wasn't in the cards for them?" She now looked up at Remus and saw his face change.

Remus was staring at her stunned. He remained silent for a long time as he mentally pieced things together. Those words, his own, spoken back to him so many years later.

Me?

How could someone even care about him let alone think they love him? The thought rattled through his mind. The truth is, he had always felt a connection with her as well, but suppressed it, knowing he could never be with anyone. Memories of every interaction flooded back to him. The signs had been there all along. Memories of Tabitha avoiding him their last year, her absence at the end of year party, her pushing him away... they all were efforts to protect each other from getting too close... and getting hurt. He realized he had to say something. Anything. But somehow nothing came to mind. Remus opened his mouth and attempted to form words. The three words that managed to emerge were, "

"I'm a werewolf..."