At just 14 years old, Kagome is not even sure what "love" means, not really.
She knows she loves her mother, her brother and grandfather, but romantic love – it is another subject of which she has no prior experiences. She closes her eyes, and she can't see anything but what she's read in books and watched in the movies: a man loves a woman, he tells her so, and they kiss and marry.
"So you don't have a boyfriend or anything like that?" Kagome's classmate is chewing on the cap of her pen; her eyelids are drooping. A metallic bell signals the start of second period, and Teacher begins writing lesson plans on the classroom's blackboard. Most students remain absorbed in their co-mingling, paying little attention to their instructor's quick and steady scrawl, but Teacher's harsh "Shh!" soon covers the class in silence like a thick wool blanket.
Kagome props her textbook upright and turns to look at her inquisitive classmate. She shields her face and shakes her head, whispering, "Nope, not at all."
"Well, what about Hojo-san?" the girl whispers back. "I just know he likes you. I've seen him waiting around after class to carry your books."
Today is White Day, so the topic of romance is even more prevalent than usual among Kagome's young peers. On Teacher's desk sits a few small, obligatory bags of coin-sized chocolates. A few of the Kagome's male classmates have bashfully tucked their gifts away like illegal contraband, stuffed into backpacks and lockers.
Pre-teens often show their affections in the most innocent ways, but reciprocating those feelings at such an age is where most find extreme difficulty. Kagome feels like a child, unwilling and unable to discuss boys, and the subject of Hojo's feelings makes her uncomfortable.
"I'm sure he's just being kind," she says. She shifts in her chair.
Kagome first met the young boy at the start of the new school year about a year ago. She associates that period of time with a blur of paperwork, school uniforms, and a mad-dash to sign up for any extra credit opportunities that could stand out on her academic record.
She knows she isn't going to let anything, or anyone, stand in the way of her performance. Her friends should know this, too, and yet Hojo is quickly becoming the girls' favorite subject. He's a popular, good-looking teenager, someone who could fit as the male lead in a romantic drama. He's friendly, smiles at everyone, and does well in school. He's athletic. On paper, he's the perfect boyfriend. Kagome knows this.
Unsatisfied with Kagome's answers, her classmate tries a new approach. "So you didn't give anyone chocolate today?"
Kagome puts a finger to her chin. "Well, just my brother and grandfather."
"That's not what I mean."
Teacher clears his throat. The two girls gulp, realizing the conversation's volume has increased without their notice, and shove their noses back into their books. Kagome ignores the stares of some snickering teenagers.
Several silent minutes pass before Kagome's classmate speaks through her teeth. "There has to be someone you like."
Kagome gives a subtle shake of her head. There is no one, and she isn't sure there ever will be someone. Love feels as far away to her as the moon, as distant as the past.
On her fifteenth birthday, Kagome is pulled into the Bone-Eater's Well and her view of reality shatters like a mirror. It takes a while, but she grows accustomed to the shaky balance she has for her responsibilities at school with her duties in feudal Japan. Her friends in both eras rely on her, and she leans on both sets of companions just as much.
That doesn't mean she isn't any less exasperated, however, when a certain half-demon shows up one day in her own time period – again – to scold her for being out of his – again.
"It's been three days, Kagome," Inuyasha is saying. He's perched at her bedroom window, a few feet from her desk, where she's keeping eyes locked on her assignment, and she's refusing to look at him. This is midterm season! How is she supposed to get any studying done with him brooding?
"It's not my fault that you're bored," Kagome says, rolling her eyes. She must have re-read the same sentence twenty times and still hasn't absorbed anything. "You said I could stay here for the week this time! I still have a few days left. Just get used to it."
"I'm not bored." Inuyasha crosses his arms. Seriously, he can get hung up on the smallest details. "We're running out of time! We'll never get anywhere with you constantly coming back here. Whatever you're doing can't be as important as what I need you for."
After several months of knowing Inuyasha, this argument over Kagome's infrequent visits home is stale, and she feels like she's rehearsing lines in a play. She and her stage partner continue bickering until Kagome's mom appears at the doorway. Mrs. Higurashi smiles at Inuyasha, who immediately quiets down, turning bashful in her presence. Kagome would never tell him this, but she enjoys seeing her irreverent companion always act so respectful to her mother.
She would also never admit to Inuyasha – or even to herself – that she likes it when he visits her in modern-day Tokyo. The fact that he wants her to return with him, no matter what reason, comforts her. Kagome's never felt needed this way before.
She's learning that she needs Inuyasha, too.
"Would you like to stay for supper, Inuyasha?" Mrs. Higurashi is wiping her hands on the apron around her waist.
"Uh…" Before Inuyasha can answer, Kagome nods.
"Yes, mama. He'd love to." She reaches sideways to shoo the half-demon out of her window. "Go see if you can help mama with anything! I'll be right down."
Inuyasha flinches as she approaches, and he stumbles backward, allowing himself to fall to the ground. She can hear his insults – "You bitch!" – before his less-than-graceful landing – "Ugh!" She locks her window tight.
Rubbing her temples, Kagome looks back at her mother, who is shaking her head in amusement.
"You two are so funny," Mrs. Higurashi says, walking away. Kagome blushes.
She spends several minutes trying, mostly failing, to refocus. Sighing, she resigns herself, rests her chin in her hand, and thinks.
Inuyasha is odd. He's crude and often acts first without asking questions. However, Kagome remembers the way he asked to lie in her lap on the first night she saw him turn human; she can still hear his voice, weak: "You smell nice." Her heart still skips a beat. He said such a thing without any hesitation.
Since then, she's been lucky to capture more of those glimpses into his softer side.
Inuyasha's her friend, but he's different from Shippo or Miroku or her classmates at school, and he's certainly no Hojo, who has asked Kagome out several times, who has made his feelings for Kagome obvious.
Inuyasha doesn't use his words, she realizes. His actions speak for him. His feelings for her are clear every time he jumps in harm's way to save her. What did he tell her when he first received his father's sword?
"I'm saying I'll protect you!" He has kept that promise ever since.
He's the first boy who's ever held her close. Without even trying, he's become so many of her other "firsts," too.
Kagome stands, feeling as though she's resurfacing from water. Her legs are shaky, and her heart is racing.
She suddenly wants to run.
XXX
"What's with you?" Inuyasha always looks out-of-place in the Higurashi family room. Kagome walks in while he is crouched on the floor, watching Souta play Nintendo with child-like fascination. Inuyasha has saved her life so many times, but until recently, he had never seen anything like a TV before. She finds his idle fascination with modern inventions amusing.
"Nothing." Kagome shakes her head, but she checks her hands to see if they're still trembling.
"Your heart is beating fast," Inuyasha says. One of his doggy ears flick and he stands to approach her; she becomes shy under his inspection. "Do you have a fever?" He keeps his hands at his sides.
"No, I'm OK," she confirms. "I just… had some difficulty on a homework question. I guess I'm just a little frazzled."
Inuyasha raises an eyebrow, but he seems to accept her explanation. "Hm. You worry about the weirdest things."
She tells herself everything is fine, but deep down, Kagome knows something has changed, and nothing has been the same for quite a while.
"Dinner is ready," Mrs. Higurashi calls from the kitchen, and the family moves to sit at the table. Inuyasha trails behind Kagome. Souta says, "All right, Inuyasha's eating with us!"
The meal is finished, and Kagome helps her mother clean up. The food appears to sedate Inuyasha, who is leaning against the refrigerator, his eyes glued to Kagome.
She needs to put something away, and approaches him. "Um, excuse me," she says. He nods, and moves, but his eyes stay focused on her.
"What's with you?" he asks. "You're quieter than usual tonight."
Kagome says, "I'm not quiet." She squirms under his scrutiny.
"You are."
She sighs. "I was just thinking, maybe I should just go back with you tonight. We both know you're just going to keep pestering me until I do anyway."
"You're going back tonight, Kagome?" Her grandfather pokes his head into the kitchen.
Inuyasha smirks and straightens up. "Finally, you're making sense." He looks energized. "I'll go get your bag."
Kagome's beginning to feel normal. Only her thoughts are different, she realizes; those aren't real anyway.
"Let me pack first," she says.
XXX
The temperature is far chillier in the past. Kagome wishes she'd brought an extra jacket. She emerges from the well with chattering teeth.
"You're cold?" Inuyasha asks, holding her steady as she hops onto the grass.
"N-no," Kagome says.
It's Inuyasha's turn to roll his eyes. "You humans are so typical." In a quick motion, he removes his outer robe to wrap it around the young girl. She allows the fabric to fall over her shoulders.
"Thanks," she says.
He doesn't respond. The two start walking to Kaede's, and Kagome's thoughts return to her earlier revelations. She decides to try something.
Saying nothing, she puts her hand in his. He looks at her, eyes softening. He squeezes her fingers in his large, rough hand.
"Thank you," she says again.
"What are you doing thanking me all the time?" he says. In a gentler voice he adds, "You don't need to."
"I know," she says, a small smile carved into the corners of her mouth. "But I'll say it anyway."
They're still holding hands as they reunite with the others. No one says anything about it; Kagome realizes she's not the only one who has grown accustomed to her closeness with Inuyasha.
She also realizes that she shouldn't worry; every moment she spends with him feels certain, like the summer rain.
"So this is what it's like."