He was perfect and she was falling for him, hard and fast. And with the rate she was falling, it was going to hurt a lot to let him go.
CHAPTER 9: Unexpected Break-ups and New Resolutions
She was perfect and he was falling for her, hard and fast. And with the rate he was falling, he was never going to let her go.
Harry smiled to himself as he hummed a happy melody he had no idea where he had heard before. He was practically skipping down the corridors at an ungodly hour, which was a perfectly normal hour for Hermione, to see her before everyone woke up and disturbed their peace.
Yeah, that was his perception of people who didn't know about him and Hermione now: Peace-wreckers. They were the little barrier between him and Hermione when all he wanted to do was hold her hand as they walked side by side and cuddle with her every night in front of the fireplace and kiss her goodnight at the bottom of the stairs leading up to their dormitories. Not that he didn't do any of these, he did but he just wanted to do them without checking for any eavesdroppers. In fact, he wanted to do all of these so that everyone could know Hermione Granger was his as much as he was hers.
Harry sighed as he came to a stop in front of the great doors leading to the library. He knew Hermione was inside, he had checked the Map when he woke up. Not that he needed the Map to know he could find Hermione in the library on a Sunday morning when they had exams to study for.
His hands twitched to try and flatten his hair but he stopped himself. He knew it was no use and he knew Hermione liked his hair messy. She hadn't said anything about it directly but he had seen her eyes wander up to his hair appreciatively when he had just woken up from a nap in the Common Room or when he had just got off his broom. If that was the way she liked it, he would never touch a brush ever again.
Harry made his way inside, to the deep end of the library and found what he had been looking for. Hermione was sitting at her usual table with a mountain of books laying around her. But there was something off about the picture. Her eyes… They weren't pouring over the pages like they usually did. No, they were staring at one point only, fixed as if she was trying to bore a hole in the book.
"Good morning," Harry said, as he came close enough to talk to her without raising his voice. But either he had miscalculated the nearness/volume equation or she was in too deep to hear him even if he had shouted the words.
"Hermione?" Harry said once again. When she didn't answer him, Harry gently touched her shoulder, making her jump in her seat.
"Harry! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Hermione clutched at her heart as she was trying to get her breathing under control.
"Sorry, I tried calling your name but you didn't answer," Harry smiled sheepishly. He grabbed the seat behind him and dragged it over to sit closer to her.
"Oh, I didn't hear you, sorry." She was averting her eyes as her hands were playing with the edge of her book.
"What's going on?" There was no need to prolong this conversation; she was nervous and he wanted to know why.
Hermione sighed and closed the books cluttering up the table. Now Harry was feeling nervous, too; she wasn't even trying to deny anything was wrong.
"Look, Harry…"
"Is it about yesterday?" Harry asked before she could collect her thoughts. "I know we were a little careless but I'm nearly a hundred percent sure nobody saw us kissing. If they did, we would have already heard about it."
"Yeah, we were a bit careless but it's not that." Hermione grimaced, "Well, it's a little about that, too but not all about that."
"I don't think I follow."
"Listen," Hermione turned in her seat and took his hands in hers, a move that would normally make Harry grin from ear to ear was now making him sweat coldly. He didn't like where this conversation was going. "Harry, I thought long and hard yesterday. Well, I've been thinking about it since you first asked me to be your girlfriend but yesterday I finally came to a conclusion."
"Hermione…" Harry hated how his voice came out as a whisper, he had to be more forceful if he were to make her listen. And he had to make her listen before she finished her words.
"I don't think we should do this."
"What?" Again, that weak whisper and there was nothing he could do about it. Just minutes ago, he was thinking about never letting her go and now, here she was, breaking up with him. "But why?"
"Because," she started, then stopped as if she didn't know how to explain her reasons without breaking his heart. It was impossible. There was nothing she could say on this topic that wouldn't tear his heart apart. "I don't want you to be with me because I'm convenient."
"What? Convenient?" Of all the things he expected, this reason hadn't even crossed his mind and would never do if she hadn't said it. "What does that even mean? I want to be with you because you understand me like no one else does."
"Yes, exactly," Hermione nodded her head as if what he said just proved her point. "You want to be with me because it's easy. I understand you, so you want to stay close to me. But what if there are other girls out there who are better suited to you? And because you don't give them a chance to know the real you, you can't find them."
Harry could feel his head going numb. It was getting harder and harder for him to formulate sentences, let alone convince Hermione not to end this, whatever this was, between them.
"Hermione-" He tried, but she cut him off before he could even get out a second word.
"No, Harry, please listen. I've really thought about this." Hermione squeezed his hands which were surprisingly still inside hers, "Hear me out, please."
Harry really didn't want to hear what she had to say about this topic but by the look in her eyes, he knew he had no choice but to listen to her. And maybe, if he was lucky, he could try to refute her ideas. Hermione must have had taken his silence as a signal for her to continue as she took a deep breath before spilling what was apparently on her mind for a few days now.
"Just think about it this way," she began, beneath the determined mask that she wore, Harry could hear the tremors in her voice. "What if one day, you fall in love with another woman and want to break up with me and what if by that time I'm in love with you, what will happen then? Can you imagine the heartbreak? Or worse what if you fall in love with another woman and don't do anything about it because you don't want to break my heart?"
"Hermione-" He knew he really should have started saying something other than her name but, for the love of God and Merlin and whatever deity was up there, he just couldn't.
"I don't want to wake up one day and have you not feeling the same anymore. Or me for that matter. Because I know either one of us will let the other one go and then suffer in silence rather than move on. I don't want to do this to you."
"First of all, what kind of reasoning is that?" Harry held up his hand as Hermione opened her mouth to speak once more. It was his turn now. "Hermione, if you think like this, you can't start a relationship with anyone."
Hermione huffed, "Well, we can't call this a normal relationship now, can we?"
"Well, I was hoping that we were on that path, apparently I was wrong," Harry huffed back. How couldn't he see Hermione's doubts about them before?
"Harry," Hermione sighed as if she was tired of having the same argument over and over. And although this was the first time she was having this argument with Harry, he was sure that she had had this conversation with him in her head a few times over. "Under normal circumstances, you start a relationship with someone you are attracted to, not start a relationship with the hopes of feeling attraction. This is just convenient and I don't want to be a coping mechanism for you. I don't want to risk our friendship for a possible heartbreak."
'A possible heartbreak.'
She had called what made him so happy for the last few days 'a possible heartbreak'.
Harry squeezed his eyes in order to control his emotions. He didn't know what kind of emotions he was trying to suppress but he didn't want them to burst out, whether in forms of tears or a raised voice. He had to control himself.
"I can't risk us, Harry. I'm sorry."
These last words, although whispered, echoed in his head. She couldn't risk their friendship for something better. If he hadn't lived the last couple of days, if he hadn't felt her hand beneath his, her lips against his, if he hadn't seen his future, their future, sparkling in her fathomless eyes when she looked at him, he might have understood her reasoning. But he had and his mind just couldn't comprehend how she could leave all of it behind and settle for mere friendship.
"Maybe you were right," Harry said. "You are not a real Gryffindor." It took only a second for him to regret his words, he didn't even need to hear Hermione's sharp intake of breath. "Hermione, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
Hermione held up her hand to shush him. "No, you are right. I'm not a real Gryffindor like you are."
Harry felt like she had punched him in the stomach. He didn't know which hurt the most, the defeated look in her eyes or her words accepting something that is certainly not true?
"Hermione, please…"
"No, you're right, Harry," she once again cut him, not that he had anything to say that could change her mind. "I'm not acting reckless, I'm thinking logically. And logic says we should end this before it ends us. And you know what? I think I will listen to my logic as it is the thing that kept us alive all this time. It has never failed me, unlike my courage."
"'Mione…" Harry tried one last time but Hermione had already gathered up her things. She slung her satchel over her shoulder and walked past him without sparing him a glance.
"See you later, Harry."
But he didn't see her later that day, or the next day for that matter. At first, it was for lack of trying on his part. He had gone out of his way to avoid Hermione but as hours passed and dinner time approached, he had realised that he was, in fact, anxious to see her. He actually wanted a chance to speak with her and clear the air.
He hadn't meant to break her heart. Of course, he hadn't. He would rather fall off his broom mid-air than see that disappointed look in her eyes. But she hadn't come down for dinner. He had cut his dinner short to catch her in the Common Room but she wasn't there either. So, he had gone to bed early with a broken heart and a lot of questions in his mind.
What had he done to make Hermione feel like he wanted to be with her because she was 'convenient'?
He thought he was very straightforward in declaring his feelings. Even Hermione had said so, he was not afraid of feeling anymore. Life was too short to be afraid of his feelings. He had learned it by nearly dying a handful of times so far in his eighteen years of age.
As it was always the case with his life, Hermione had all the answers but this time he couldn't ask her help. At least not immediately. So, he waited for breakfast. Surely, she would be there after two days of absence. She couldn't avoid eating at the Great Hall until the end of the semester. Or could she? After all, it was only a few days away and then she would be with her parents for two weeks. Away from Hogwarts, away from him.
Harry's concerns about not seeing her again until the new semester were unfounded as she was there at the Great Hall for breakfast. Although Harry was quick to realise that she was better at avoiding him than he was at avoiding her. Way better. He couldn't even catch a glimpse of her face, let alone catch her eyes or have a few words with her. She was sitting at the far end of the table, all alone and she had a dangerous air to her that had everyone sit a few seats away from her. And no matter how much Harry wanted to talk with her, he wasn't ready to go back to his bed at the Hospital Wing.
So, he waited for the right moment to ask for a walk along the lake but that moment never came. Hermione quickly ate her breakfast and left the Great Hall before Harry could even fill his plate. Not that he had much of an appetite. At least, it seemed like Hermione was having difficulties in enjoying her food as well, judging from the half-eaten scone on her plate. Of course, Harry didn't want her to starve herself to death but, in a selfish way, he was glad that he wasn't the only one devastated by the turn of events.
Harry sighed and leaned his head back on the trunk of the big oak tree, his eyes closing in defeat. It was now Tuesday afternoon and he still hadn't managed to have a word with Hermione.
Who was he kidding? He wasn't even sure if Hermione was upset about not talking with him or if she was just angry at him for saying she wasn't a real Gryffindor. He hadn't even meant to say that, in the first place. She was the bravest person he knew; how could he say something like that and believe it.
He was constantly replaying the conversation he had with Hermione in the library. Aside from his slip up, he couldn't understand what he did wrong for her to break things off with him. Especially after the amazing day they had spent at Hogsmeade. True, she had been off for a while at the Three Broomsticks but he had attributed that to the topic of conversation. Hermione never enjoyed Quidditch talk and it was all they had talked about, which was why he had decided to get her away from there. He could talk about Quidditch any time but he only had a few hours to spend with Hermione in Hogsmeade.
Harry felt the sharp wind on his face and opened his eyes to gaze at the lake, once again. The afternoon sky had painted its surface orange as usual but today the tiny ripples were disturbing the mirror-effect. Today the water was mirroring his mind with its restlessness.
He had given up his intentions of talking with Hermione along the time of lunch. It was obvious that she didn't want anything to do with him and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable by forcing her to be in his company. Maybe it would be better to wait for the holidays to end.
His thoughts scattered at the sound of a heavy body dropping down beside him. He knew it wasn't Hermione. He knew the sound of her footsteps and he knew how graceful she was. He also knew his other best friend's inelegant ways. Not that it was his fault that Ron was now a grown man who was subjected to Molly Weasley's cooking more than ever, now that the war was over.
"Hi." It was quite obvious from his voice that Ron was uncomfortable with sitting beside a brooding Harry. His voice was low, almost like he was hoping that Harry wouldn't hear him so he could go back to the Common Room, to play chess or exploding snap or whatever they did to pass the time these days.
"Hi," his voice came out as a hoarse whisper. Harry realised that he hadn't said a single word in two days apart from the absolute necessary times. He cleared his throat. "What happened?"
"I think I should be the one asking that question," Ron answered. Harry wasn't surprised that Ron was aware that something was off between them, after all Hermione hadn't even looked at the general direction of him since Sunday morning.
Harry thought about denying but if he had learnt anything in the last few years, it was that talking solved problems. And since he couldn't talk to Hermione, his go-to person for talking, Ron was the next best thing.
"Hermione hates me."
Harry tore his gaze away from the lake to look at his red-haired friend when Ron let out a snort.
"Hermione hates you, huh? Hermione couldn't hate you even if you bound her to your broom and did the Wronski Feint from a hundred feet."
Harry felt his stomach clench. Ron's words had reminded him of the first kiss he shared with Hermione.
"I told her she wasn't a true Gryffindor," he mumbled. "Of course, I didn't mean it. It just came out like that," Harry hastened to add as he saw Ron raise his eyebrows in surprise.
"But why did you say that? It's true that Hermione would be a great Ravenclaw but I think she did more than enough to prove that she is a true Gryffindor."
"She is the bravest person I know."
"So?"
Harry took a deep breath, "She broke up with me. She said I was with her because she was convenient or something like that. I don't understand, Ron. Everything was going so well. We had a great date at Hogsmeade and before that, in the library and the broom ride, the walks around the lake. Everything was going so well and she didn't even wait for the two weeks she promised-"
"Harry, slow down! I can't understand half of the things you're saying," Ron's voice cut Harry's half-monologue. He had almost forgot that he was talking with Ron, instead of thinking to himself like he had been doing for days.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"Start from the beginning. And what is that about promising two weeks?"
Oh, right… Ron didn't know about their little arrangement.
Harry cleared his throat again, just to buy some time. Should he tell Ron everything? Would Hermione be upset with him if she learnt? The last thing Harry wanted right now was Hermione to be even more upset with him but on the other hand, he had no one to talk to and if Hermione didn't want him to talk to Ron about his problems, then she shouldn't have avoided him.
"I asked Hermione out and she…" Harry stopped suddenly.
Was that really how that happened? Had he asked Hermione out?
"Well, actually, I didn't ask her out straightaway, first I asked her why we weren't together."
"You asked her what?!" Harry didn't need to look at Ron to know that his friend's eyes were as big as saucers.
"Well, I think what I did was more like blurting out. She was quite shocked for a while."
"But she accepted your not-quite-asking-out, right?"
Harry started playing with the soft snow beside him, his fingers drawing faint shapes. "At the end, yes. We agreed on trying until the end of the semester. For two weeks…"
"And what did you do to make her end things before the holidays?" There wasn't a trace of accusation in Ron's tone, he had just voiced the question Harry had been asking himself for the last two days out loud. Harry's fist clenched, pressing the powdery snow into a ball in his palm.
"I don't know, Ron. I really thought everything was fine. More than fine, really."
"And she broke up with you because you said she wasn't a true Gryffindor? But why did you say that?"
"No, that was after. First, she said I was with her because she was convenient, I don't even know whatever the hell that means. She said she doesn't want to wake up someday and have me realise that I am not in love with her."
Ron snorted, the sound grated on Harry's nerves. He was far too tense for Ron's levity. "So, you're saying that she broke up with you because she thought you would eventually break up in the future."
"Yes." The word came out strained due to his clenched jaw.
"And you are sure that everything was going fine?"
"Yes, Ron!" Harry took a deep breath to control his tone, Ron didn't deserve his anger. He was trying to help him. Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the tree behind him. "Yes, it was fine. More than fine, it was perfect. I don't think I've been happier. Not that I had much to be happy about before."
"I don't know, mate," Ron sighed, mimicking Harry's movement and resting his back against the tree trunk. "This doesn't sound logical. You're sure it was Hermione you were talking to, right? Not some impersonator or something?"
Harry opened his eyes to give Ron a stare. "Don't be ridiculous, Ron. Surely, I would know if I was talking to Hermione or not, right?" He took another deep breath, feeling the sharpness of the cold air fill his lungs. "She said she wasn't sure if what I felt for her was genuine interest or if I was just choosing the easy way. She thinks I'm afraid of opening up to other people and that I don't want to have a relationship with someone new and because of that I've found this solution. She said she doesn't want to risk our friendship for a 'possible heartbreak'."
Harry punctuated the words that broke his heart two days ago by throwing the snowball in his palm to the lake. The splash broke the already restless surface of the water, creating bigger ripples.
Ron cleared his throat after what felt like a long moment of silence. "Well… When you put it like that, it sounds logical." Harry's head snapped towards his so-called best friend. "I mean she must have thought a lot about this. Which is a pity because the more Hermione thinks on a subject, the harder it gets to persuade her."
"Persuade her?"
"You know, convince her?"
"I know what persuade means, Ron," Harry rolled his eyes. "I mean, do you really think I should try again?"
"What? You think that was the end? Just like that? You just said you had never been happier and now, you are ready to give it up because Hermione is being a coward?"
Although Harry had turned away from his friend, he could still feel his stare on the side of his face.
"Don't call her that, she is not a coward," Harry muttered, his fist once again closing around a little pile of snow. "But what can I do if she doesn't want to be with me?"
"Do what she always wants you to do," Ron laughed lightly, almost like it was a joke. "Talk to her. Make her listen to you, make her see reason. I don't know, mate, do nice things for her."
Harry snorted, "I can't believe I'm taking relationship advice from you."
"Oi!" Ron exclaimed, bumping his shoulder against Harry's and making him nearly fall over because of the unexpected force.
Harry laughed and threw the balled-up snow in his palm to Ron's chest. "Sorry, mate, but you're not exactly the best person in this field."
Ron rolled his eyes as he was shaking off the snow from his cloak. "I may not be the best in relationships but I'm the best person to give advice about you two. You are my best friends, there is no one else in this world who knows you two better than me. Well, except for you, I guess," he added after seeing Harry's raised eyebrows. "But when it comes to giving advice about Hermione to you, I'm the best person you can find."
"You're right," Harry shrugged, then took a deep breath. "And thank you, Ron. Really."
Ron shrugged back, "Just don't let her get away because of her overthinking."
A few seconds passed with both of them staring off into the distance. If asked, Harry couldn't even tell what he was looking at.
"Maybe she is already in love with you. Mum says love makes you act stupidly. And I guess this is as stupid as our Hermione can get, in her 'highly logical' way," Ron air quoted Hermione's own words that she used to describe herself what felt like years ago.
Harry snorted, "She is something else, isn't she?"
A sly smirk grew on Ron's face, "Maybe she isn't the only one who is in love."
Harry felt his cheeks warm up but he chose to stay silent. He didn't want Ron to be the first person he declared his love for Hermione to. He didn't want anyone else to hear the words before Hermione, if he ever did get the chance to tell her, that is.
"At least we know that she adores you." Ron's voice once again broke through his thoughts.
"Where did that come from?" Harry raised his eyebrows. He knew that Hermione liked him but adore was a strong word. If Ron had said this about any other girl, Harry would have scoffed. He didn't want anyone to adore him, he hadn't done anything for anyone to adore him. But when it was Hermione, the word suddenly lost all of its bad connotations for Harry. When it was Hermione who adored him, the word sounded heavenly.
It was almost like love.
"She lets you call her ''Mione'."
Harry snorted at Ron's sudden declaration, "So?"
"So?" Ron echoed, "She doesn't allow me or anybody else to shorten her name. You're the only one."
"Maybe she doesn't like being called 'Herms'," Harry shrugged. "Did you try 'Mione?"
As soon as the words left his mouth, Harry regretted his proposal. He didn't want Ron, or anyone else for that matter, to call her 'Mione. It was his thing.
Mine.
The thought startled him and he turned his attention back to Ron in order to get rid of the unwarranted possessiveness. She didn't even want to look at him, let alone be with him.
"No, that's sort of your thing," Harry heard Ron mutter. "It wouldn't feel right."
Another silence fell around them but this time Harry was aware of Ron's fidgeting. He wanted to tell something but wasn't sure if he should.
"Just say it, Ron."
Ron chuckled, "It's just… It's funny how people can't decide if you're together or not, when it should be so obvious."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like they see the obvious clues but don't know if it's you being Harry and Hermione or if you're finally together." Ron shrugged, "Even I couldn't figure it out until you practically told me."
"Finally?"
"Oh, people have been waiting, mate." Ron grinned when he saw Harry's raised eyebrows. "Apparently, the love life of the Chosen One will always be a hot topic. I heard they even attempted at a bet but had to cancel it because they couldn't figure out if you two started dating or not."
Harry couldn't hold back the laugh bursting from his chest, making Ron look at him like he had finally lost his mind.
"What?" Ron asked, straightening against the trunk of the tree and turning his body towards him.
"I-It's…" Harry tried, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "It's just ridiculous," he managed, after a few seconds. "You're telling me that we sneaked around for nothing? I literally took her a hundred feet up in the air just to be alone with her."
"Wait, what?" Ron's head snapped towards him, his mouth hanging open. "What did you say? Hermione flew with you? On a broomstick? Our Hermione?"
"Yup." Harry nodded, he could feel the smile forming on his face and the warmth returning to his cheeks just from remembering that broom ride and how it ended.
"Wait a minute! I know that smile!" Ron's almost-shout drew Harry away from his memories. "Tell me, Potter."
If he was blushing before, Harry was sure his cheeks were on fire right now. And that damned smile was back, he could feel his cheeks hurting.
"You know what, forget it. Based on that stupid look on your face, it's better if I don't know what happened on that broom of yours."
"Hey!" Harry threw another snowball at Ron's laughing face, making sure that some of the snow fell right in his open mouth. "When you say it like that, it sounds dirty. We just kissed a little, that's it."
"That's it?" Ron guffawed, clearly the snow hadn't bothered him enough to cut his antics. "It must be one hell of a kiss to give you that face, mate."
"I lost control of the broom… For a few seconds, of course," he added upon seeing Ron's raised eyebrows. "She almost hexed me."
"You almost made Hermione Granger fall off a broom and you're alive to tell the story. If that doesn't mean she loves you, well, I don't know what does."
Harry took a deep breath, his shoulders sagged with his sudden mood change. "What if she really doesn't want to be with me?"
"Did she say that?"
Harry replayed their conversation for the umpteenth time and shook his head negatively. Hermione hadn't said anything of the like but that didn't mean she didn't feel that way.
"Maybe she didn't want to break my heart by being blunt. She might have implied it and maybe it flew right over my clueless head." Harry sighed, "I mean I didn't even realise she was having doubts."
"Mate, we may be clueless but this is Hermione we're talking about. She wouldn't kiss you if she didn't feel something for you."
Harry felt his heart flutter at the thought but he didn't, couldn't, allow himself to get hopeful. "But what if she is right? What if we aren't meant to be? I don't think I can live if our friendship can't survive a possible break up."
"But do you think you can be happy for her if she finds someone else? Can you genuinely smile at her wedding and stand there, knowing that it could be you beside her if you had tried your hardest?"
Harry turned his head towards his best mate. Ron wasn't looking at him, choosing instead to gaze at the now late-afternoon-blue of the sky. He also turned his eyes towards the sky, the windows of the castle had begun to light up. Harry fought the urge to search for the library windows.
"Even thinking about it hurts so much. Honestly, I wasn't expecting this feeling. But…" Harry tried to swallow the lump that was ever present in his throat since that Sunday morning, "Shouldn't I be able to do this if I really love her? I should want her to be happy with or without me, right?"
"Personally, I don't think you should," Ron shrugged, "If you are a hundred percent sure that you are the best person for her and that she loves you."
"I don't want to unintentionally force her." Harry sighed, he felt like they were going in circles with this conversation. He didn't want to give up but he also wanted to respect Hermione's decision about them.
"Well, I'm not saying that you should go to the library and kiss her."
"That would be the quickest way to the infirmary," Harry shook his head as Ron winced in agreement.
"I don't agree with you on Hermione being a coward but-"
"I don't think she is a coward," Harry cut in. "I just said it without thinking."
"Okay okay, you didn't mean it. I get it." Ron rolled his eyes. "What I was going to say is, I think you are right about her being scared. I think she is scared that you don't feel strong enough, at least as strong as what she feels for you, and that if you back out, she will be devastated. The important question is, are you sure, mate? Because you may be my best mate but she is my best friend and I can't let you hurt her."
Harry hesitated, not because he was unsure of his feelings but because of Ron's seriousness. "This has been the best week of my life, Ron. I'm not even exaggerating. And I'm not even talking about the kissing and stuff, which was very little by the way," Harry added as he heard Ron's snickering. "I'm serious, just the thought of her looking at me and smiling at me with that warm kind of way was enough to make me fall asleep smiling like an idiot."
Ron cleared his throat, "Umm, well, that was cheesy."
"Sorry," Harry grinned, unable to feel ashamed of his feelings. "But I… I finally felt grateful that I killed Voldemort and ended the war… Instead of just relieved that is has ended. I finally felt like it was all worth it, just to see her alive and… and…"
"Smiling at you and making you all tingly and fuzzy inside, yeah, you've already told me," Ron continued, as Harry trailed off. "I think you should tell these to Hermione, not me. If she doesn't understand that you are serious about this after hearing you out and insists on being just friends, then you'll come get me and we'll drown your sorrows with firewhiskey."
"You really think so?" Harry asked, Ron was getting his hopes up and he didn't know if this was a good thing.
Ron nodded, "I don't think this should end like this. If it ever has to end, that is."
"You're right." Harry nodded resolutely, as he finally let his eyes find the library windows where he knew the object of his problems who was also the solution to all of his problems was settled. "I can't let her get away. What we had- have is worth giving a shot. I can't settle for someone else when I know I could have a life with her and I most certainly cannot watch her with anyone else."
"Yup, that's the Harry I know. Well, I also know the brooding Harry but I much prefer this Harry, bold and relentless. Go get her, tiger. Or should I say lion?"
Harry felt himself laugh despite the tightness in his chest. "I can't believe I'm getting relationship advice from you."
"Yeah, I will definitely add this to the speech I will make at your wedding."
"Of course, you will if that day ever comes."
"And I will make sure to tell little Ron that I brought his parents together."
"Little Ron?" Harry turned his eyes back to Ron, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Why, my godson, of course. Your little one," Ron answered, looking affronted that he had to ask this question at all.
Harry scoffed as he understood what his best mate was insinuating, "Hermione would never give her child your name. Not even under the Imperius, so I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you."
"Not even if you tell her about my improved emotional range?" Ron asked. Harry didn't know if he should be amused or sympathetic towards his best mate's obvious disappointment.
"Nope, sorry, mate." As Ron sighed in defeat, Harry turned his stare back towards the library windows as if he could see Hermione. "You'll have to make do with being the godfather. If that ever happens, of course," he added under his breath. At this point, holding Hermione's hand seemed like a dream, let alone starting a family with her.
"It will happen, mate. Don't worry. You just need a good game plan, instead of blurting out you should be together."
Harry took a deep breath to calm himself and closed his eyes as he released it slowly. As he opened his eyes, they once again focused on the brunette studying at the big mahogany table near the windows overlooking the lake. Apart from the failure at breakfast and the brief glance he had of her at the Charms exam, he hadn't seen her all day.
With a shake of his head to compose himself, Harry pushed away from the bookshelf he was hiding behind and approached Hermione. As he sat in the chair directly opposite her, Hermione startled out of the book she was perusing. As their eyes met for a brief second before she averted hers, Harry noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the redness around her nose. She looked exhausted.
Although she didn't make any moves to get up, Harry saw the hesitation in her eyes as her hands twitched towards her bag. Before she could make up her mind about staying or leaving, Harry slid the paper cup he almost forgot he was holding in his hand.
"Umm, I brought you coffee," he said, wishing his voice had more courage in it. When she didn't make any moves to take the cup or even glance at it more than a millisecond, Harry continued, "Please hear me out. I have things to say, for the sake of our friendship, if not for more."
Hermione sighed and closed her book. Although she hadn't looked at him properly since he sat down in front of her, Harry knew this was her way of saying she was listening. Harry took a deep breath and started saying what he kept repeating inside his head for the last three days.
"First, I must apologise for saying you are not a real Gryffindor. You are the bravest person I know, truly. All the things you did for me. Leaving everything behind just to follow me into the unknown. I owe you my life. Actually, I owe you everything." Harry stopped to take a breath. He wanted, needed, her to look at him but he was thankful that she was even staying to listen to him. "And about the other thing… I think we need to have a talk."
"Harry-" Harry raised his hand to cut her off.
"Not now, but when you are ready to listen. I cannot accept the one-sided speech you gave to break up with me. I think I deserve a chance to defend myself, to defend us." He cleared his throat. "Also, I want to talk about the future, our future. We always talk about the past or the present. I think it is time we focus on what is ahead of us. But as I said, when you are ready."
Harry made to stand up but stopped as an afterthought, "I was going to leave you a note, you know, about all the things I've just said. But I guess I've grown up, you taught me how to be brave and talk about my feelings instead of closing up and hiding. Like I said, I owe you myself… And I think you owe me three more days… The last three days of the two weeks you promised. Three more days to show you that Hermione Granger can be wrong about something and not everything has to be logical."
Harry sighed and got up as the weight of the last few days lifted off his chest. He had done everything in his hands, now the ball was in Hermione's court. If she didn't want to play anymore, then he would step aside and never speak about this ever again. Before leaving, he pushed the paper cup filled with still warm coffee towards her. "See you."
His original plan was to leave her be but as he turned the corner of the nearest bookshelf, he found himself unable to move. He had to stay and see if she would take the cup and notice his little note.
She did take the cup and she did notice his scribble which appeared with her touch, a show of magic which Harry was quite proud of, to be honest. But what made him swell with happiness was the little telltale smile he saw on her lips.
As Harry turned to finally leave with the elation of a man who accomplished his mission, Hermione took a sip from her coffee, her thumb subconsciously caressing his handwriting.
Please give us a shot -H
A/N: Hi everyone!
It's been ages since I updated, I know, but this time I won't apologise for not writing. I only want to apologise for keeping some of you waiting, believe me when I say life hit me hard. I've gone through so many things, lost many things and many people, some of whom very dear to my heart, and maybe also gained some things.
In short, life happened and writing was not in my priorities for some time, it still isn't. So, to be honest, I don't know when I will next update the story, all I can say is I'm doing my best to finish this.
So, as you can guess, I'm not the same person from four years ago. I've grown up, I've changed and there is high probability that my writing has changed as well. I wrote this chapter in 2-3 years so if you sense a difference throughout the chapter and between this chapter and the previous chapters, that's why. I've gone back and edited all of the chapters, so hopefully, they're consistent enough.
As always, thank you for your patience and your kind words.
Please don't forget to leave a review. The me from four years ago probably wouldn't say this but in my current mindset, I will: If you don't have anything kind or constructive to say, please kindly shut up.
Love you, take care and please don't forget that it's okay not to be okay! -xo