Isekaied by an inept Fanfiction Writer into Harry Potter
A story by DaManWriter, the inept Fanfiction Writer.
Disclaimer: If I did own Harry Potter or any other franchise that might get mentioned in this work, I'd relax on a tropical island right now instead of writing a disclaimer. I just borrow the characters for a bit and return them unharmed. Usually.
Chapter 1
54 year old Chris Schwarz from Germany grinned madly looking out of a window in a high rise hotel in Tokyo at the nightlights of the sprawling city. Finally he was in the land where so many of his favorite anime, manga and novels were created. In his younger years he was an otaku, but now he just enjoyed his entertainment more like normal people do. Yeah.
Deciding to go to nearby Akihabara he went down to the lobby and left the building. He crossed the street thinking about visiting one of those "special" maid cafes when a truck hit him.
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"What the fuck is this shit?"
Everything was white. There was no up or down, no floor, no nothing. Just featureless white all around. No sound distracted from the all encompassing white, until suddenly a voice boomed almost rattling Chris' teeth.
"YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO GO TO ANOTHER WORLD. YOU WILL FULFILL YOUR DESTINY THERE."
There was a huge bearded head floating in the air. It was white like everything else and basically only visible because it was glowing. Chris shook his head to get rid of the ringing in his ears.
"Damn, that was fucking loud. Can you talk normal? Who are you and what the fuck is this place?"
Less loud, but still booming, the voice answers.
"I AM A CREATOR OF WORLDS. THIS IS THE PLACE BETWEEN REALITIES. WHEN YOU DIED IN THAT ACCIDENT I TOOK YOUR SOUL AND BROUGHT YOU HERE BECAUSE I NEED A HERO. ARE YOU READY TO FULFILL YOUR DESTINY?"
Chris groaned.
"Will I have any specials powers or something to help in my quest to do... whatever shit I have to do?"
"YOU WILL HAVE NO SPECIAL POWERS. YOU WILL STILL BECOME QUITE POWERFUL WITH TIME, THOUGH."
Chris groaned again.
"Well, thanks a lot for making my fucking job even shittier by not helping at all. I accept under one condition. I keep all I know and have now and in the future. There will be no taking my stuff and especially no mind raping whatsoever."
"THAT IS REASONABLE. ARE YOU READY TO FULFILL YOUR DESTINY?"
"Well, let's get this show on the road. Ready when you are..."
The whiteness grew blindingly bright, brighter and brighter. Chris could see the bones in his hands through his closed eyes! Then everything went black.
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It was dark. Chris tried to stand up only to bang his head on the low ceiling. A spider crawled down his face, he wiped it away.
"Goddammit! That hurt. Where the hell am I?"
Slowly his eyes adjusted to the current darkness. The ceiling was ... stairs? He was in a cupboard under some stairs? The hell?
Chris tried to open the door, it did after some rattling and he went out.
Hmm... there is a latch. Seems it wasn't closed properly. Fucking great, some idiot tried to imprison me.
He was in a rather small house, it was silent. Chris looked out a window to the deserted street.
Early dawn I guess. Let's see...
He opened the front door and looked at the sign.
"The hell? The fucking Dursleys? I'm in bloody Harry Potter?"
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After swearing about his so called destiny and insane gods he went up the stairs to Dudley's second bedroom. He didn't like the original Potter books and movies, they were just so incredibly childish and cliche, but really liked a whole bunch of Potter fanfiction.
To be precise the ones where Harry grew a backbone and told all the adults who were mostly either evil, corrupt, useless, dumb or a combination thereof to fuck themselves. At least the children were not corrupt.
He also liked the ones where Harry left since Wizarding Britain and Voldemort really deserved each other. A match made in heaven - or hell. Whatever.
Chris - well... Harry, actually, entered the second bedroom and found a weary owl and a trunk. His trunk. Seems he wasn't at the fucking start of the story. He opened the trunk and took out some books.
Those are second year. The notes are also second year, so this is the summer after the Basilisk. Harry turned to the white owl.
"Hello Hedwig. How are you, girl?"
It seemed the bird instinctively knew there was something different about Harry. She just looked at him, turning her head this way and that. Deciding to make getting news his absolute priority Harry wrote letters to his friends Hermione and Ron and also subscribed to the prophet. Hedwig took the letters, if somewhat reluctantly, and flew off.
Now to get out of this shithole...
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Harry threw all the rags of so called clothes into a corner, packed his stuff and went out the front door with his trunk. He didn't get to the street, though, since Tonks stepped out from under an invisibility cloak.
"Wotcher, Harry. Going anywhere?"
"Hi, Tonks. Yes, I'm leaving this shithole."
The pink haired auror shook her head.
"No can do, Harry. Dumbledore said you have to stay here for your protection."
Harry looked at her as if she had grown a second head.
"I don't give a shit about what the bearded wanker wants. No way in hell will I stay one day longer in this fucking prison."
Tonks hair went through a rainbow of colors. She looked shocked.
"But... but... You can't!"
"Watch me!"
Harry went to the curb and pulled his wand to call the Knight Bus.
"Wait! I'll tell Dumbledore when my relief arrives in an hour. Please wait until he talks with you."
He slowly turned around and looked at Tonks for a moment, thinking about the situation.
"K. But he better not let me wait. I'm not his little puppet unlike the members of his fucking Order of the Burning Chicken."
Back into the house he went closing the door behind him. Tonks didn't know what to think. What just happened here?
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Feeling hungry Harry dropped the trunk right behind the door and went into the kitchen. Cooking wasn't fun but he knew how to do it thanks to his bachelor years and the memories of Harry Potter. Soon appetizing smells filled the house dragging the other inhabitants towards the kitchen.
At the table sat Harry with a wide spread of food, eating. Vernon anger was growing by the second.
"What are you doing, freak? You're not allowed to eat at the table! Get into the cupboard, now! I'll give you the belt for this later!"
Harry looked at him indifferently.
"Go and fuck yourself, you freaking whale. I neither want nor need your fucking permission. Now piss off!"
The fat patriarch of the Dursleys turned first white, then red, then he raised a fist and came towards Harry. The boy stood up, turned to him and rammed a large kitchen knife into Vernon's neck. Spurting blood like a fountain he dropped like the sack of fat he was.
"You fucking freak! I'll kill you!"
Petunia ran to Harry, a pan raised ready to strike only to feel the very same knife enter her neck. She dropped right besides the corpse of her husband.
Harry turned to Dudley who has fainted during the altercation.
"Finally some peace and quiet."
Harry sat back down and continued eating, when suddenly everything went white.
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"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Oh, he was back with that god guy.
"I was fulfilling my destiny as you so eloquently called it."
"BUT... BUT... NOT LIKE THIS! YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!"
Harry, now Chris again, looked at the floating head.
"Script? What the fuck? This is a bloody Isekai, is it not?"
"WELL, YES..."
"So I can do whatever the fuck I want."
"NO. YOU CANNOT."
"Wait... You... You are NOT a god. Not capital G, not even lower key g. You called yourself a creator of worlds... This is a fucking fanfiction! You're a bloody author!"
The floating head seemed to turn pale. It was hard to see, everything being white and all.
"You are! What the fuck! What kind of shit are you trying to pull here?"
"WELL, THIS IS MY SECOND EVER FANFICTION STORY..."
AN: Second attempt because the site ate the formatting. Finally found a way to set breaks without looking dumb.