Chapter 1

Albus "Romain" Dumbledore sat at his desk, surrounded by a chaotic pile of colorful candies. He unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth, savoring the burst of sweetness as he leaned back in his chair. Determined to get the hang of his new abilities, he concentrated hard, attempting once again to project his consciousness into Fawkes, his ever-suffering phoenix companion. The bird bristled in outrage, feathers puffing up indignantly as Dumbledore's awareness slipped into his mind. Through Fawkes's eyes, he saw himself—a tall, wiry man with a tangled beard, an oversized bathrobe, and a bemused expression.

"Huh," he thought, observing his reflection. "Maybe the fandom was wrong about Dumbledore being an evil mastermind…but he is shady as hell."

He reached for another candy, but his fingers brushed the pile too enthusiastically, sending several candies tumbling to the floor. They bounced and rolled under the desk, mocking him with their candy-coated rebellion. Dumbledore swore under his breath, shaking a fist at the errant sweets. "Get back here, you little sugar-coated fiends!"

To his astonishment, one of the candies rolled back towards him, hopping into his hand and, with a flick, into his mouth.

"Huh... Ah, yes, I'm a wizard. Magic. I had forgotten."

The first of Dumbledore's knowledge and memories had started transferring into his mind. It felt like recalling a forgotten dream or suddenly understanding a complex puzzle. He leaned back, letting the knowledge settle, bits and pieces answering questions he'd pondered after reading the books.

He chuckled, the sound a mix of amusement and disbelief. "So that's why he kept those lemon drops on his desk," he mused, recalling a snippet of strategic brilliance masked as a simple habit.

The books were not clear on stuff like law or economics…but it explained so much. The politics of Wizarding Britain were deeply entwined with its unique historical and social structure, and it was akin to an ancient city-state with about 100,000 people. This society operated under a veneer of order but was fundamentally structured by patron-client and feudal relationships. The Statute of Secrecy, enacted in 1692, mandated the concealment of magical activities from Muggles, creating a continuous state of emergency that justified many peculiarities in their legal system. The Ministry of Magic held extensive power, with little separation between its executive, legislative, and judicial branches. This centralization allowed the Head of Magical Law Enforcement to influence both investigations and trials, undermining judicial independence and due process. Trials often lacked proper legal representation and fixed procedures, leading to verdicts determined by majority vote rather than unanimous consent, with virtually no appeals process.

Feeling emboldened, he reached for another candy and tossed it in the air, trying to catch it in his mouth. It bounced off his nose and onto the floor. With a dramatic flourish, he pointed at it and declared, "Return to me, noble candy!"

Wizarding Britain operated on a patron-client system reminiscent of both feudal and Roman structures. Powerful wizards, such as Lucius Malfoy and Albus Dumbledore, acted as patrons, providing protection and support to their clients in exchange for loyalty and service. This system extended into the political sphere, where influence and alliances were more crucial than formal legal structures. The Wizengamot, the wizarding equivalent of a legislative and judicial council, was composed of both hereditary seats and appointed members, reflecting the aristocratic and often nepotistic nature of the society. The Minister for Magic, selected by Department Heads, had the authority to extend or freeze the process of raising new families to Houses, further entrenching the influence of established families and their networks. This intricate web of patronage and power dynamics created a society where personal alliances and loyalty to powerful patrons were paramount, reinforcing a structure that prioritized maintaining the status quo over implementing fair and transparent legal processes.

The candy wobbled, then zipped back up and plopped into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully. Another flash of memories. "Well, that answers a lot of things I wondered after reading the books. And the fandom political bullshit is useless…hum…Indeed, that's why…"

Dumbledore himself had a vast network of clients, with varying degrees of dependence on him. The Order of the Phoenix might not have contained the most important of them; they were simply the ones he could rely on the most. Severus Snape was highly dependent on Dumbledore, especially after leaving Voldemort's patronage. Hagrid, too, owed much to Dumbledore, as did Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, who struggled to find work due to anti-werewolf laws. Harry Potter, above all, relied heavily on Dumbledore's protection. Dumbledore had kept Snape out of Azkaban, vouched for him at Karkaroff's trial, and ensured Hagrid remained at Hogwarts after being framed by young Tom Riddle. His personal intervention prevented Harry from being expelled early in the Order of the Phoenix. Even Mundungus Fletcher, a petty criminal, was saved from justice by Dumbledore's protection.

Dumbledore's inability to prevent Hagrid's imprisonment after the attacks in the Chamber of Secrets was significant. Lucius Malfoy's plot aimed to undermine Dumbledore's patronage network by demonstrating his inability to protect his clients from Azkaban and his students from the "Heir of Slytherin." Although the plot ultimately backfired on Lucius, he extricated himself with minimal damage. This was partly because Lucius himself was under threat, suffering a Ministry raid on his manor, and felt more vulnerable than before. Individuals like Arthur Weasley, who dared to challenge powerful patrons, faced serious repercussions. Lucius planned to neutralize Arthur by implicating his daughter Ginny in the attacks on Muggle-born students at Hogwarts.

In a society living under emergency rule with a haphazard rule of law, lacking connections or a patron left one in a precarious position. This was precisely what happened to Sirius Black. Disowned by his family, Sirius had no support when he was falsely imprisoned for nearly twelve years without a hearing. His friends were dead or hostile, and Dumbledore believed him a traitor. Tom Riddle, despite being an outsider, built his own patronage network while still at school, much like Harry did later. Riddle, later known as Voldemort, absorbed existing patronage networks into his own, with Lucius Malfoy being his most significant acquisition. Voldemort's aim was to replace unofficial power structures with his own, creating a personal tyranny. His followers, the Death Eaters, sought freedom from restraint and enjoyed lawlessness, exemplified by their actions and the lure of unchecked power. Voldemort's rise threatened the established order, but it also revealed the fragility and corruption within the Ministry, exacerbated by a reliance on patronage networks for security and power.

He popped another candy into his mouth, savoring the sweetness as he mulled over the complexities of his own patronage relationships. His thoughts drifted to Nicolas Flamel, the mysterious Nicolas Flamel, who had once been Dumbledore's patron. Their relationship had evolved over the years, shifting from a mentor-protégé dynamic to one of mutual respect and near-equality, although Flamel still held a slight edge in power and influence. Well - that was what the real Dumbledore thought. But it was fishy as hell. The old man…He shivered, recalling his smile.

He owed Flamel a great deal. The real Dumbledore—no, Deadbuldore, as he would now call the ex-wizard who had left him in this mess—owed Flamel a great deal, particularly for the loan of the fake Philosopher's Stone. Crafted from condensed Elixir of Life, the one Deadbuldore had then put it in Gringott's vault to lure Voldemort, the one whose energy was so strong it "pinged" through the whole Castle, making it the perfect lure for Voldemort. Which was perfectly useless as Dumbledore now had the information from the books, and perfectly knew where - well, on who - Voldemort was.

And now, he was the one who had to deal with this shit.

What were his tools? Well, he was fucking powerful, with many allies and subordinates. But he was also old, lost, and, according to the plot, destined to die. He was the Supreme Mugwump (mostly an honorific title for his defeat of Grindelwald), the Chief Warlock, and Hogwarts Headmaster.

He stood up and decided to practice some transfiguration. Why not? He grabbed a random candlestick from his cluttered desk and pointed his wand at it. With a flick and a mutter, it turned into a rubber chicken. He chuckled, then flicked again. The rubber chicken became a large, neon-green dildo. "Ah, yes, the classics," he mused, rolling his eyes at his own absurdity. Next, the dildo morphed into a top hat that sang "God Save the Queen" whenever it was tilted. He laughed heartily at that one. Another flick, and the top hat became a pair of oversized novelty glasses with mustaches attached. Finally, he transformed the glasses into a small, animated statue of a tap-dancing unicorn that occasionally farted rainbows. Satisfied with his work, he nodded approvingly, almost surprised he could already do this. What would it be when he gained back all of Deadbuldore's memories ?

Wizards tended to live long, so among the 100,000 inhabitants of Wizarding Britain, roughly 7,000—one thousand per age—were of school age. About one hundred of the best (well, best and fucking wealthy or well connected) went to Hogwarts each year - twenty to thirty per house-, making it a relatively small school with only 700 students. Actually, being able to decide to whom would go half of the admission places - meaning deciding whose son or daughter went to Hogwarts was a big part of his influence -, the other part being decided by the board. Unfortunately, for Harry Potter's cohort, as almost nobody wanted to have children during the war, there were only about 40 per cohort. There were about ten (eleven, he suddenly recalled) other schools in magical Britain.

Feeling whimsical, Dumbledore decided to transfigure himself a nice suit. With a dramatic flourish, he pointed his wand at his bathrobe, which transformed into a sharp, pinstriped suit with a purple bow tie. The suit sparkled slightly in the dim light of his office. He admired himself in the mirror, adjusting the bow tie.

"Not too shabby, if I do say so myself," he quipped, striking a pose. With a satisfied grin, he turned on his heel, his robes billowing around him. It was time to check on young Harry Potter, to ensure that everything was in order and…to take him away. No need for a young boy to stay with neglecting adults.

"From now on, it's I who rewards, and it's I who punishes."

With a sharp crack, the wizard disapparated from his location, the sound echoing briefly before fading into silence. In an instant, he reappeared on a quiet suburban street, standing in the shadow of a large, neatly trimmed hedge. He adjusted his glasses and glanced around, taking in his surroundings.

Privet Drive was as ordinary as could be, a street lined with identical houses, each one a clone of the next. Dumbledore smiled. His maniacal laugh erupted, starting as a sinister chuckle and crescendoing into a wild, high-pitched cackle that seemed to shake the very walls of the room. The sound was a chaotic blend of madness and triumph, filling the air with an eerie resonance. As his laughter reached a fever pitch, it was suddenly interrupted by a violent fit of coughing. He doubled over, hacking uncontrollably, his aged frame shuddering with each wheeze.

"Curse these ancient lungs!" he rasped between coughs, finally managing to straighten up. He wiped his mouth with a shaking hand, his face red and eyes watering. Still, a mischievous glint remained in his eyes. Despite the coughing fit, he couldn't help but chuckle softly, his amusement undiminished. He was going to troll the Dursleys so much.

"Yes, indeed," he chortled, his laughter now a bit more controlled but no less wicked. "This is going to be legendary."

AN :

Sorry for the info dump, it should be the only one in this fic !

Thanks for the Essay of Pharnabazus on patron-client relationships.

Further chapters available on my Patre on

Patreo n. com (slash) LaChenille