Stay With Me
an Attack on Titan fanfic
collaboration by Moonlessnight126 and Rhov
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Chapter 1
All Around Me Are Familiar Faces
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"Mad World" by Gary Jules
MARCH 24, 2003
It was another tiring day at the offices of Eldia Inc., and Eren stared at a computer as he debated a third cup of coffee. It was almost noon, after all.
Too many issues swirled around in Eren's head. His girlfriend breaking up with him two weeks ago was still a slowly-dulling pain, but it was one more thing on his plate, stressing him out, making him feel like in the race of life, he was losing. He simply could not keep up with the fast-paced real world.
Keeping busy was his one tenuous thread of sanity. He could forget everything else when he focused on his job. He managed to find a routine of utter dullness, and while that made him wonder if his life had purpose, stuck on repetition as it was, there was comfort in knowing what he needed to do.
Wake up, dress, eat, drive to work, fill out forms, reply to emails, organize files, go home, watch the news, eat dinner, shower, sleep.
Day after day, the same routine.
There was a stale comfort in repetition. At least, amid all the insanity in this world, he could fall back into the cycle and escape.
That all came crashing down the day his manager, Eld Jinn, walked into the cubicle farm to introduce their newest employee.
Before Eld could even speak, Eren saw the tall, lanky man behind him, brown hair cut in a mullet, narrow eyes, and a faint goatee on his elongated face.
Eren cursed under his breath, "What the hell? This must be some kind of joke!"
"Everyone," Eld called out, bringing up the faces of the busy workers. "I'd like to introduce the newest member to our team."
"Jean," Eren whispered in numbed shock.
"Jean Kirschtein."
Eren's eyes shut. No! No, no, no!
Flashbacks blinded him for a moment, and he shook his head to escape. Years ago, Jean had been the school bully. Eren had always been a short-tempered time bomb, and that made him a target for anyone who liked to see him explode. He often got into brawls when other boys harassed him or picked on his best friend, Armin. The small and studious boy shied away from bullies, making Eren feel like he had to protect him.
None were worse than Jean Kirchstein. Eren was his favorite target. After all, at one time they used to be neighbors. The torment finally ended when Jean's family moved their Sophomore year. Eren could not be happier than to have that man out of his life forever.
Until this day.
As Eld introduced him, Jean smiled, trying to make a good first impression with his new coworkers. He gave a small bow to them, but then his eyes landed on two familiar faces.
"Reiner and Bertholdt?" he cried out.
Eren glanced over to the brawny blond and tall brunette. He knew them as well, former classmates of his. It was not too surprising that people in his high school ended up working for Eldia Inc., one of the biggest companies in the city. There were even more classmates working in other departments. Reiner and Bertholdt were at least nice men, hard workers, and they got along with Eren. They had matured so much, Eren could forget that back in high school, these two had been friends with Jean.
Jean rushed over to the two, beaming a smile, going from politely amiable to exuberant at seeing familiar faces. "Oh man! No way, you two work here? That's cool shit!"
Eren scowled even more. Still a foul-mouthed jerk.
Reiner stood up to shake hands with his old acquaintance, but Jean grabbed him into a hug. Then he turned to Bertholdt, who shyly shook hands with him, and Jean seemed to remember something. Bertholdt hated to be touched. No hugs for him.
Reiner asked, "How have you been doing?"
"Great! Man, this is going to be awesome. Working together! I can't believe it."
Jean's excitement annoyed Eren more and more by the second.
Reiner chuckled. "Hold your horses, man. We're not the only ones here."
Jean beamed as he thought that maybe one of the hot girls from school worked there as well. As Reiner pointed toward a fuming Eren, Jean was momentarily disappointed. A second later, a devious, sadistic grin spread along his lips.
"Well, well. If it isn't Eren fucking Jaeger! What brings your pathetic ass to work in a place like this?"
"Watch your mouth at work," Eren warned softly.
"Here I thought I'd be enjoying my time in this company. I didn't think they hired charity cases."
"Jean, that's not appropriate," Eld warned.
"Don't worry," Jean said, his smile unmoving. "Eren and I used to be best friends, so it's all cool."
Eren growled low as he stood up sharply, his eyes threatening and dangerous. Jean simply stood his ground and gave an intense glare along with a mocking, wide grin.
"You never grew up, did you?" Eren seethed.
"More than you did, from the looks of it," Jean shot back. "Are you still a virgin?"
"Fuck you."
"I thought you said to watch your mouth. Maybe I should report you," Jean said, taunting him.
Before they had time to cause a scene, Eld clapped his hands to silence everyone as he spoke in a commanding tone. "Okay, okay, now that you're all introduced, continue with your work. And Jean," he added with a serious gaze, "even if he's an old friend, tone it down a bit."
"Yeah, Jean," Eren shot in.
"Eren, is there going to be a problem working together?"
"No, sir," he answered, his eyes still stabbing at Jean. "No problem at all, so long as this school bully behaves himself."
Jean let out a wry laugh. "Don't flatter yourself, little Jaeger."
"Jean," Eld said again. "Come. I want to tell you how the work is done around here."
"Yes, sir!" Jean said as he followed Eld. At the door, he glanced back at his friends, shooting them a beaming smile, then slid his eyes over to Eren's murderous scowl. Jean snorted a laugh, and with his hand low so no one could see, he flipped his middle finger at Eren just before walking out the door with a chirpy voice to Eld.
Eren let out a groan. He really did need that coffee now.
This was going to be pure hell.
# # #
"I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan
1983 (Age 4)
Little Jean sat on the back of the couch to look out the window at the sound of a U-Haul truck pulling into the house next door.
"Mama, Mama! New neighbors."
A stout, middle-aged woman came forward, her brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. "Oh! They look nice. I heard the husband is a doctor."
Jean grinned with excitement. "A doctor? Wow!"
He saw a tall man with long hair and glasses. He even looked like a doctor! Beside him was a kind-looking woman with bright, light brown eyes. Then a boy appeared from behind his mother. He was standing so close, holding her hand while holding a toy in the other.
"They have a kid," Jean said in awe. "I wanna be his friend. Can I meet him, Mama? Please!"
His mother chuckled, finding Jean's friendly side adorable. "Sure. Let's invite them in for cake while the movers unload the truck."
"Cake! Yay! It smells so good," he said, drooling a bit.
Mrs. Kirschtein opened the front door, and Jean bolted out. He ran right up to the boy and shouted, "Hiya! I'm Jean."
The boy had messy, brown hair, big teal-green eyes, and at Jean's enthusiasm, his baby-soft cheeks blushed. He hid behind his mother's skirt.
"Come on, introduce yourself," the mother urged.
Quietly, the boy said, "H-Hello. I'm Eren. Eren Jaeger. I'm four."
"Four? Me too!"
Jean's mother came forward, chuckling at her son. "Forgive him. He's excitable. We're the Kirschteins. Please, come out of the sun. I baked a cake to greet you."
The gentleman gave her a regal bow. "You're so kind, Mrs. Kirschtein. I am Grisha Jaeger, and this is my wife, Carla. The little one is Eren."
At hearing his name, Eren hid further behind his mother, glaring warily at the older lady.
"Aren't you just the cutest thing?" Mrs. Kirschtein patted his cheek.
Eren rubbed his face as if to wipe away cooties. Jean could not help but laugh.
"He's not normally this shy," Carla said in apology.
Mrs. Kirschtein waved it off. "Moving is a big deal for a child. We moved here only a year ago. Well, these two are going to be friends in no time." She smiled again at the bashful boy. "You're going to get along quite well with Jean-boy. You'll both be starting school next year, and hopefully you'll be in the same class."
"Jean-boy?" Eren muttered, looking at the gangling child.
Carla exclaimed excitedly, "Oh wonderful! See, Eren? You already have a new friend."
"Friend?"
Jean grinned at him, and Eren hesitantly smiled back.
Just then, Grisha picked Eren up and set him on his hip. "The nice lady offered cake. Do you want some?"
"Yes!" Eren shouted. New friends were hard to accept, but he always wanted cake. "I mean, yes please!"
She tittered. "What a well-behaved child! I hope Jean-boy picks up those manners. Lord knows he needs it!"
Jean ran back inside the house, to his room, and grabbed up his favorite toy. A new friend! How exciting! He returned to the living room, where Grisha was setting his son down. The adults went into the kitchen to talk, and Eren wandered around the living room, looking at the bookshelves in awe.
"So many books!"
Jean came right up to him, and Eren shied away again, although now he had no skirt to hide behind. Then Jean's hands shot out, and Eren looked at a stuffed horse.
"This is the coolest toy in the whole wide world," Jean declared, and he shoved it into Eren's chest. "You get to hold it. No one else but my mama can hold Mr. Horsey."
Eren felt a strange sense of honor as he took hold of the horse and looked at its face.
"It looks like you," he said in surprise.
Jean looked instantly angry. "Does not!"
"But it really does. It has the same color fur as your hair, and you have the same face."
Jean grabbed the toy back. "It's a horse, stupid."
Eren laughed. "Yep! And you have a horse-face."
In revenge, Jean did the worst thing possible, the ultimate torture.
"TICKLE FIGHT!"
His fingers dug into Eren's ribs, and the boy broke into peals of laughter. Eren fought back, getting Jean in the armpits. They toppled over, fighting with tickles, laughing so hard, tears came to their eyes.
The adults watched and chuckled to each other, happy to see their sons already getting along so well.
# # #
"Hate Me Now" by Nas ft. Puff Daddy
PRESENT DAY, 2003
Eren rested his cheek in his hand as he sat in his car, glaring at the rain, windshield wipers streaking away the drops. His radio was his only company on the commute home, only now memories of the past were a new, unwelcome companion.
Nas' song Hate Me Now played, singing about "You can hate me now, c'mon, I hate you too."
"How fucking appropriate," Eren muttered.
Jean hated him, Eren hated Jean, and it seemed like after all these years, nothing had changed.
Of all the bullies and jerks he fought with, none had ever been worse than Jean Kirchstein.
Eren had few memories of Jean when they were very young, other than all the bickering and fights they got into. Jean was quick at name-calling, but one name ended up dominating his vocabulary:
Faggot.
In middle school, Jean began to call him "Fag-Eren." Any other insult, Eren could handle. Call him ugly, call him stupid, call him a suicidal idiot, but homophobic slurs pushed Eren's limits. That nickname led to some of their bloodiest brawls.
The torment was constant, the bullying became a daily habit, until Jean's family moved.
Now, they had to work together.
Flashbacks blinded him for a moment, and Eren shook his head to escape. It was nothing but negative memories, anyway. The lyrics to the song were of no help, reinforcing the idea.
"Well, you hate me, I'm gon' hate you too.
It's as simple as that.
Die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die!
You don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck.
Go down any way you want it to go down."
He and Jean had been fighting for as long as he could remember. From the very first "tickle fight" to the last shout of, "Hope you die of AIDS, Fag-Eren," their childhood together had been nothing but cheap shots, pranks, and fist fights.
Amid the dark, painful, hateful memories, one popped up, an unwanted white rose in the midst of carnage.
"Tag, you're it."
A game of tag, laughing in the park, a bright smile as a tall boy ran after Eren, both grinning as the sun shined on spring flowers.
Eren blinked as the memory of warmth was swiped away by the windshield wiper, bringing him back to gray rain and brake lights.
"Where did that memory come from?" he muttered aloud.
Had that been Jean? The face in the memory was blurry. No, it definitely couldn't be Jean. He had never had a good moment with that bully. Jean had been the bane of his childhood, not a friend.
Never had they been friends!
Eren shook his head. Maybe it was him and Armin. Well, no. Armin never played tag because his bad heart and asthma made him tire out too easily.
Then who was it?
Eren let out a sigh and shoved the memories aside, singing along to the song on the radio.
# # #
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Hey, everyone. Rhov here!
Welcome to my new story. It will be a long one, a bit on the dark side, and I want to warn everyone that there will be some upsetting, vulgar language. I will update once a week through January, but after that it will likely be a monthly update.
Fear not! I have not given up on my other stories. This has been sitting around gathering dust since 2014, and after 10 years I realized I just need to POST THE DAMN THING.
This is a collaboration with Moonlessnight126, who also worked with me in Dangerous Territory, so you KNOW it will be good. Quite honestly, she came up with just about all of it, handing me an "outline" that was 200 pages long. All I had to do was dress it up pretty and put on a bow. So if anything doesn't feel like "Rhov's style," that's because this really and truly is Moonlessnight126's story, and as such, it's gonna be a tearjerker!
This story takes place in 2003 and set somewhere in the eastern United States, in a state where gay sex would have been illegal in 2003. (To be honest, I imagine it as North Carolina because my grandfather lived there.)
In 2003, the U.S. Supreme Court heard Lawrence v Texas, a case that argued about the legality of same-sex intercourse, targeting laws that made "non-procreative sex" a crime, commonly known as the Anti-Sodomy Laws.
So in 2003, discussions about LGBT rights were a scalding hot topic.
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Mad World is a Tears for Fears song covered by Gary Jules in 2001 and featured in the soundtrack for Donnie Darko. The popularity convinced Gary Jules to release it as a single in 2003, where it became the UK Christmas Number One Single for the year.
I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan was released in 1995 for the movie The Brothers McMullen. It has since been covered by many artists from Christina Aguilera to Kenny Rogers.
Hate Me Now released in 1999 by rapper Nas and featured Sean Combs performing as Puff Daddy (he changed his stage name to P. Diddy in 2001, and to Diddy in 2005). The music video was controversial, showing Nas being crucified. Originally, Puff Daddy was also filmed being crucified, but as a Catholic he came to think the scene was sacrilegious and asked for his scenes to be cut out. An unedited version was accidentally sent to MTV, and minutes after it aired Puff Daddy stormed into the office of Nas' manager and hit him over the head with a champagne bottle. He was sued and settled out of court for $500,000. Despite the controversy, the video is ranked as one of the best hip hop videos of the 90s.
Other important things that happened in 2003:
January 10 – North Korea announces its withdrawal from the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons. It begins its own nuclear weapons program.
February 1 – Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates upon reentry.
February 4 – The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia is renamed to "Serbia and Montenegro."
March 12 – The World Heath Organization issues a global alert as SARS begins to spread.
March 20 – The Iraq War begins.
April 9 – U.S. forces seize Baghdad and end the rule of Saddam Hussein.
April 14 – The Human Genome Project is completed.
April 28 – Apple released the iTunes Music Store, changing the music industry forever.
May 5 – LinkedIn is launched.
May 30 – Finding Nemo is released in theaters.
June 26 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that consensual, adult, same-gender intercourse cannot be punished as a criminal offense.
June 30 – The Second Congo War, which left millions dead, ends.
July to August – The worst heatwave in Europe's history causes 70,000 deaths.
August 1 – Myspace is launched.
August 11 – NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its first major operation outside Europe in its 54-year-history.
August 14 – The Northeast blackout of 2003 knocks out power in northeastern United States and parts of Canada.
August 29 – Skype is launched.
September 18 – Hurricane Isabel, the strongest in open waters of the Atlantic, makes landfall in North Carolina. (Since I imagine Eldia Inc. is in a fictional North Carolina city, we will definitely see this!)
October 1 – 4chan is launched.
October 15 – China launches its first human spaceflight with Shenzhou 5.
November 26 – The supersonic passenger jet, Concorde, makes its last flight, bringing the era of airliner supersonic travel to an end.
December 13 – Saddam Hussein is captured by the U.S. Army.
December 17 – Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is released in theaters. (And you better believe I was in line! I wasn't allowed to bring my sword, though.)
At the 46th Grammy Awards, Clocks by Coldplay won Record of the Year, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by OutKast won Album of the Year, Dance With My Father by Richard Marx & Luther Vandross won Song of the Year, and Evanescence won Best New Artist.
Because I think music is the greatest way to get into the mindset of a time period, many chapters or scenes will be accompanied by music. I'm in the process of creating a playlist for the whole story, except … well, I'm worried it has spoilers.
Top Ten Songs of 2003:
#1 – In Da Club by 50 Cent
#2 – Ignition by R. Kelly
#3 – Get Busy by Sean Paul
#4 – Crazy in Love by Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z
#5 – When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down
#6 – Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
#7 – Right Thurr by Chingy
#8 – Miss You by Aaliyah
#9 – Picture by Kid Rock feat. Sheryl Crow
#10 – Bring Me to Life by Evanescence
Honorable mentions (AKA songs I liked):
Lose Yourself by Eminem
My Immortal by Evanescence
Fighter and Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
The Anthem by Good Charlotte
Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes
Hurt by Johnny Cash
Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross
The Scientist and Clocks by Coldplay
Times Like These by Foo Fighter
Breaking the Habit, Numb, and Faint by Linkin Park
Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer
You Don't Know My Name by Alicia Keys
Rock Your Body and Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake
Calling All Angels by Train
White Flag by Dido
Hey Ya by OutKast
Milkshake by Kelis ("My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" was heard everywhere for years to come)
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere by Alan Jackson feat. Jimmy Buffett (because my iTunes playlist in 2003 was eclectic)
New words that entered the English language in 2003: anti-cultural, baby bump, binge-watch, electronic cigarettes, flash mob, manscaping, muffin top, SARS, and unfriend.
Friendster came out the year before. LiveJournal turned 4 years old. Facebook would not be founded until 2004, and YouTube in 2005. It was the dawn of social media, but definitely not how we imagine it today.