Chapter 2

Twenty Years Ago

Eren wanted nothing more than to ignore the fact that Jean even existed. Over the course of their first week working for the same company, Eren kept focused on his job. If he heard Jean laughing at the water cooler with Reiner, he rolled his eyes but kept quiet. Once after lunch, he was heading to the restroom when he saw Jean entering. Rather than follow him in, Eren waited until Jean came out and then entered, making him almost late to get back to his desk.

Despite going out of his way to avoid Jean, it seemed his old rival had no plans to act civil. Jean made sure to say hello to him every morning, and while the greeting sounded normal enough, he always called him "Little Jaeger," a nickname Jean knew Eren hated. Once while walking by his desk, Jean bumped into it, sending Eren's coffee spilling all over his keyboard and paperwork. Jean apologized profusely, yet all the while his eyes gleamed with mischievous glee at the sight of Eren snarling in frustration.

There were other issues. His pens began to go missing. Files would be placed in the wrong areas. Once, he left his desk to deliver a file and returned to find his coffee spiked with salt. He thought about reporting Jean for harassment, but half of the pranks he could not prove were done by Jean, and the meaner things were not habitual enough to bring up with the HR Department.

That left him with no one else to vent to but his best friend.

# # #

"I'm telling you, Armin, I can't go on like this. I'm already stressed enough as it is." Eren fumed on a long-distance call with his best friend, who was now studying for his doctorate degree in Paris.

"I know," Armin said sympathetically over the phone. "Maybe this sounds crazy, but how about you try to befriend him?"

"Befriend him?" Eren shouted. "I can't stand him. Just the other day, he purposely gave me a long-form document to fill out. When I handed it in to Levi, he looked pissed off because he hadn't asked for any forms. I wasted two whole hours that could have been put toward clients, and looked like an idiot in front of the CEO."

Armin sighed. "I don't know what to say. Do you know why he's doing this?"

Eren flopped back on his couch. "He's always been like this, as far back as I can remember. I never knew why."

"That was years ago. You'd think a childhood rivalry like that would be long dead."

Eren grumbled, "Yeah, you'd think so."

"Did you two start off badly with each other at work?"

Eren let out a wry laugh and ran his hand through his long hair. "We never start in any way but badly. Remember middle school? The first day of seventh grade, he yanked down your shorts in gym class and I punched him hard enough to break his nose."

Armin muttered, "I'd rather forget that day."

Eren had a glare in his eyes. "If only I could beat the crap out of him like old times. That'd set him straight."

"Eren, don't!" Armin scolded seriously. "You're an adult now. You won't simply get detention; you'll get arrested. You can't risk losing your job over him."

"I know," Eren grumbled. "He's not worth it."

Armin sighed loudly, sounding like he really wanted to reach out and comfort Eren. "Try to reason with him. I know it's hard, it's not in your nature, and … well, it's Jean. Still, be patient. Don't get angry over every little thing he does. This could be a good opportunity to mend the wounds of the past. Who knows? Maybe if you manage to understand each other, you two can turn out to be friends."

"Friends, with that asshole?" Eren snorted in disgust. "That'll never happen."

"It could. I don't know if you remember, but you and Jean started off friendly way back when we were kids."

Eren's brow tensed up in a deep frown. "I don't recall anything like that. From the very first day we met, we've always fought."

"You were neighbors and hung out all the time."

"We beat the crap out of each other."

"You shared ice cream."

"No, he stole my ice cream so I took his."

"You two used to … you know what, never mind," Armin muttered. "My point is, you two weren't always rivals. I remember, you were friends first."

Eren thought about that memory that had randomly resurfaced on Monday, playing tag in a park with some friend. He shook his head, stubbornly banishing the thought. "Nope, it's always been like this. The only thing that changed from when we were kids is the name-calling. He went from poopy-head to shithead. That's about it. You, of all people, shouldn't defend him. Half the times I fought him, it was because he was picking on you."

Armin sounded hesitant as he stuttered out, "That … it … it was an awkward time for all of us."

"Awkward is popping a boner in the middle of class. Jean was a bully. If he's had some miraculously change, an adulthood epiphany that made him mature, I could maybe forgive him, but it's clear he hasn't. He insulted me so badly on his very first day at work that the manager had to give him a warning, and it's just been getting worse. It's like in school: the longer he gets away with it, the more it enables him. Back then, the way to stop him was to fight him. Only then did the teachers finally do something, he'd get suspended, I'd get detention, the bullying would stop for a couple of weeks, and then he'd start up all over again. The problem is, I can't even argue back at work. I'm trying to impress my boss so he'll give me more commissions. I really need the money, my hands are tied, I'm worried about Mom…"

"Talking about that, how's your mother doing?"

Eren's frown deepened as he lowered his eyes. "Not good," he confessed. "Sheesh, I don't know what to do. I'm really lost here. I feel like I can't do one fucking thing right." His fingers yanked on his long, brown hair as he mumbled, "I wish you were here."

"Eren…" Armin's voice was laced with worry. "I wish I was there with you too."

Eren could not help but smile warmly. "Enough about me. Before our phone bill becomes a hundred bucks, tell me about you."

"Not much. My doctoral thesis is coming along. If I get approval, I could be done by Christmas."

"Doctor Arlelt!" Eren declared with a laugh.

"I-I'm not getting this for the title."

"I know, but it's really cool. You're pulled off getting a doctorate degree in six years. Do you realize how insane that is? So, are you coming back home after you get your degree?"

Armin muttered, "I-I-I don't know. You see, I … I met someone."

"Oooh?" Eren said with a teasing grin. "Give me all the details. You know the drill."

Armin chuckled nervously, and Eren could picture the blush on his pale cheeks. "His name is Phillip. He's an artist."

"Wait, is that the guy in that picture you sent me from the Louvre?"

"Yeah. We weren't a couple yet, but he asked me out last month."

"He's cute."

Armin sounded even more flustered. "Y-Yeah, he is. And you know, France made gay domestic partners legal a few years ago. I saw on the news, there's a case in the Supreme Court recently: Lawrence v. Texas? Looks like America's gonna finally decide on the legality of same-sex relationships." He mumbled, "It'd be nice to know I can bring Phillip to visit my grandfather and not be arrested."

"Yeah," Eren mumbled. "It's hardly getting any press, what with the war in Iraq starting. I dread to think how bad Jean's gonna get the day he hears about it."

One of the biggest things that had set off Eren in school had been Jean's homophobia. Maybe he meant it, maybe he was simply repeating what someone told him, or maybe he said those things only because he knew it got a reaction out of Eren. In any case, Jean had been brutal with name-calling.

Eren had no idea when he found out Armin was gay—he just always seemed to be that way, until one day Eren realized that every time they talked about who in class was cute, Armin listed only boys. Eren simply accepted that as normal, so he would also list boys and girls, reasoning that "cute" could mean guys too.

Jean used Armin's sexuality to torment him, and Eren ended up with bloody fists every time Jean called Armin a "fag." Luckily, Jean also got in a lot of trouble for bullying. It did not stop him, though.

As Eren listened intently to Armin talk about a trip to Metz with his new boyfriend and a romantic boat ride down the Moselle, he tried to shove aside his personal problems. Armin was living a happy life, and he should be glad for him, considering what a crappy childhood he had, always too frail to do any fun outdoor activities.

However, Eren's private worries made him restless. He buried his emotions down, like he had always done. Eren dreaded that one day, half a lifetime of burying his burdens and hiding his pain from the world could lead him to snap, go postal, and completely lose his sanity.

He just hoped Jean would stop harassing him before that happened.

# # #

1983 (Age 4)

.

Eren was lifted out of his car seat, squealing as Carla spun him around.

"Did you like the movie?"

"Yub-yub!" he cheered excitedly. "Luke is soooo cool."

She nuzzled his nose. "I think you're cool too, my little Jedi."

She set him down, and Eren began to suck his thumb while swinging a bag in his other hand. They had begun to walk up the pathway to the door when Nancy Kirschtein stepped out of the house and waved to Carla Jaeger.

"Hello, neighbor! How's the move going?"

Carla pulled Eren over to the fence separating their yard from the Kirschtein's so they could chat. "We finally have everything in the house, but it'll probably take me and Grisha a year to unpack it all."

The middle-aged woman chortled. "Oh, I know what you mean! I still have boxes I haven't unpacked since I moved in with Linny after he came back from Vietnam."

"Oh! Was he drafted?"

"My, no! He volunteered as soon as he turned eighteen, quit high school to go fight in a war no one else wanted to get sent to. And can you imagine: he convinced me to marry him before he left. I was only sixteen, I thought it was romantic, but it meant waiting six years for my husband. Once he returned, I packed up my things, and we finally moved in together. And that was when I realized he snores. Had I known that when I was sixteen, I might not have married him." Nancy giggled like she was telling a naughty joke and began to blush like it was a taboo confession.

Carla looked concerned. "You two are happy though, right?"

"Lord, yes! I mean, we've had our ups and downs, everyone does. When he first got back from Vietnam, he drank a lot. It took me leaving and moving back in with my parents for him to finally get sobered up. Now he only drinks if football is involved. Does Grisha like football?"

"He's not really into sports. So, you married at sixteen?"

"Well, Linny and I grew up in the same church, so it wasn't like we were only high school sweethearts. We knew each other our whole lives. How about you and Grisha? How did you two meet?" Nancy asked, leaning in for the juicy gossip.

"He was studying medicine at Duke, I was a waitress, he kept coming into the restaurant pretending to study, and I took notice."

"Oh, I bet, with those heavenly blue eyes and sophisticated air about him." Nancy smiled down at Eren. "Same eyes as you, little Jaeger. My word, he's such a beautiful child! He's going to have girls swooning over him."

"We'll see," Carla said with a tiny smile.

"So, did you and Grisha have a big church wedding? He looks like he comes from Old World money, if you don't mind me saying."

"Oh," Carla whispered, caught by surprise. "Well, no. He grew up poor. His parents were immigrants."

"From Germany, right? With a name like Jaeger, it's easy to tell." She tittered lightly.

"Yes, they left Germany … to escape the Nazis."

Nancy's joyous smile fell. "Oh! Were they … I mean…"

Carla nodded. "They're Jewish." She watched as Nancy's face twisted up. "Is that a problem?"

"No! No, no, definitely not. It's just … well…" She shrugged sheepishly with a nervous laugh. "I was thinking about inviting you to the church picnic this Sunday."

Carla smiled amiably. "Perhaps we'll go. Just don't expect Grisha to attend any sermons. He gave up religion a long time ago."

"And you?"

"Raised Pentecostal, parents left the church after the pastor was outed as a member of the KKK, never really went back to any churches after that. Kind of hard to trust any pastors after the man you thought spoke in Tongues gets arrested for burning down your best friend's house and calling her the N-word."

"Well, he was certainly not a man of God!" Nancy said primly. "If you ever want to try again, our church is amazing, diverse congregation, lots of programs for the kids. Maybe little Eren will like Christian Summer Camp."

Carla chuckled awkwardly. "Once he's old enough, he can decide for himself where he wants to go."

"Oh, he and Jean-boy would have such fun. It's not until they're ten, though, so plenty of time for that. Talking about that … Jean-boy," she hollered back into the house. "Come out here, say hello to the new neighbors."

Jean stepped outside, much more cautious than the last time, when he had bounded out of the front door and ended up in a tickle fight. He smiled awkwardly and mumbled, "Hi."

With his thumb in his mouth, Eren stared at the boy. Then his brow suddenly furrowed in a scowl, and he took off running to the far side of the yard.

"Eren, come back here!" Carla called out. She sighed as she heard Jean's mother chuckling. "Sorry, my son can get a little shy."

"It's okay. Kids are like that at this age." Nancy patted Jean's back. "Go on, Jean-boy, and be good friends with little Jaeger, okay?"

Jean nodded and rushed off to where Eren had gone. Along the far side of the house, there was a path leading to the backyard, and all along the fence were vibrant flowers. Here, Eren sat on the stone pathway. He had opened his bag, which contained a brand new action figure. He ripped the packaging open, and inside was Luke Skywalker. When he heard soft footsteps, he looked up, his eyes large with shock at seeing the neighbor boy approaching.

"Hiya, little Jaeger."

"I'm Eren," the boy mumbled with a scowl deeply on his brow.

Jean looked down at the action figure. "Who's that?"

"Luke Skywalker."

"Who's he?"

Eren's mouth dropped. "You've never seen Star Wars?" Jean shook his head. "Luke is the coolest guy in the galaxy! He's a Jedi, like a space wizard, and he has this cool sword, a lightsaber. See?" He held up the action figure and the green plastic sword. "His best friend is Han Solo, who is the same guy in Indiana Jones."

"Oh! I've seen Indiana Jones."

"Yeah! And there's Princess Leia, and Chewbacca who is a Wookiee, kinda like a … a … like Bigfoot! And the bad guy is Darth Vader. The new movie just came out, but I've seen the other two already. Dad used to take me to the drive-in that showed old movies, and we watched the first two movies many, many times."

"Princess? Wizard … Hey, is this like Thundarr the Barbarian?"

"Huh? I dunno. Is that a movie?"

"Even better. It's a cartoon."

"Oh," Eren muttered. "Dad doesn't let me watch TV unless it's Sesame Street, 3-2-1 Contact, or Pinwheel."

"Booooo!" Jean said, sticking his tongue out. "Thundarr also has a magic sword, and Princess Ariel is gonna be my girlfriend someday. I also got a bunch of G.I. Joes. Wanna see my toys?"

"Yeah!" Eren cried out excitedly.

"I bet I can grab all my toys quicker than you can."

Eren had a mischievous glint in his green-blue eyes. "Ready, set, go!"

They both ran off back into their houses, but Eren returned first, setting down his toys right next to Luke Skywalker. Jean returned with his arms full of action figures and looked upset.

"That doesn't count! I had to run all the way back to my house, and then Mama stopped me." He dropped his toys and plopped down. He began to pick them up one at a time to show them off. "This is Rock 'N' Roll, this is Short Fuze, Grand Slam, Snake Eyes, Hawk, Clutch, Zap, Flash, Breaker, and this one is Scarlett. She's also gonna be my girlfriend. And this…" he said, holding up a guy in a blue suit and silver mask. "This is the bad guy, Cobra Commander. He's evil, and he wants to destroy America."

Eren picked up a figure all in black. "Darth Vader is way scarier. See? His mask is black and he's half machine and he has the Death Star that can destroy a whole planet."

"Then that means he wants to destroy America too. Papa says anyone who wants to destroy America is a communist, and communists are evil."

Eren looked down at the toy. "I don't think Darth Vader is a communist. He belongs to the Empire."

"Empires are always evil. Just watch any cartoon. The bad guys are always part of some evil Empire. Hey, do you wanna play together?"

Eren smiled and nodded. "Sure, horsey."

"Stop that. My name is Jean."

"Then don't call me little Jaeger. My name is Eren."

"Okay!" Jean said, flashing a toothy grin.

They spent the whole afternoon sitting together, playing out battles and coming up with theories that Luke Skywalker would join the U.S. military, since he was a Rebel fighter. Jean's smile warmed Eren's heart in a way he had never known before.

Was this the feeling of having a best friend?

# # #

PRESENT DAY: 2003

All my memories from those days come gather 'round me.
What I'd give if they could take me back in time.
It almost seems like yesterday.
Where do the good times go?
Life was so much easier
Twenty years ago.

Eren jolted awake, his radio alarm clock singing out. He stared ahead in the darkness of his bedroom.

What was that dream about?

The ballad ended, and the DJ came on.

"That was some nostalgic Kenny Rogers for you, Twenty Years Ago from his 1986 album They Don't Make Them Like They Used To. Can you believe it's almost been twenty years since that song came out? To the adults tuning in on this fine Friday morning, where were you twenty years ago? Sometimes, it's nice to think back to innocent days, so let's keep the nostalgia train chugging with some Creedence Clearwater Revival—"

Eren slapped the alarm off and sat up as the dream started to fade from his mind. He remembered it was about Jean, his mother, and … action figures?

Curious, he got out of bed, wrapped a housecoat around him, put on his slippers, and walked to the closet. There was a Rubbermaid tub on the top marked "Eren's Toys." He vaguely recalled that his parents had packed up this box when he was in middle school. It was a rite of passage, putting aside childish toys as he prepared for adolescence and eventually adulthood.

He pulled the tub down and set it on his bed. Like opening a time capsule, he lifted the lid and peered inside.

The box was full of toys, with stuffed animals on the top and action figures below. He pulled out a stuffed Ewok, and Eren laughed fondly. For a whole summer, he carried that Ewok with him everywhere, and he recalled throwing a tantrum that he could not take it to school on the first day of kindergarten. There was also a Teddy Ruxpin. His father had hoped that the talking teddy bear that read books to kids would help Eren to develop a love for reading.

Next he pulled out his Game Boy. He had added that to the box sometime before college, after he realized he really should stop playing with it. He had a Nintendo 64 by then anyway. Then there were random toys: a koosh ball that now felt rather gross, Hot Wheels cars, Transformers, Voltron, He-Man and Skeletor, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a few plastic Smurfs, a ziplock bag of Legos, and some McDonald's Happy Meal Muppets and Fraggle Rock toys.

In a separate shoe box all of their own, he pulled out action figures of Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Lando, and Darth Vader. He had often wondered if these were worth something, especially as he became desperate for money. However, the small amount someone might pay for these toys was nothing compared to the deluge of debt.

Eren's brow tense as, on the very bottom, he saw a G.I. Joe figurine. As he slowly pulled it up, the memory of the dream was still hazy in his mind.

"I never watched G.I. Joe … right?" he whispered.

He rushed over to his computer, woke it up, and searched the internet for the names of G.I. Joe characters. He found someone's GeoCities page that listed them. Then he saw the one he had.

Hawk.

Eren shook his head. Especially around that time of his life, his parents were extremely picky about what television he could watch. They were both pacifists, his father was anti-military, and they did not allow him to watch anything with guns. Even Star Wars pushed their limits.

So how in the world did he end up with a G.I. Joe action figure?

"This one can be yours. He's Hawk and he kinda looks like you." "He doesn't look anything like me." "Sure he does. You both have brown hair." "He has a gun. Dad doesn't like guns." "Luke Skywalker has a gun. I remember seeing it when you first got the toy." "It's a blaster." "Same thing!" "Dad threw away the blaster. Can't I have the one with swords?" "No way! Storm Shadow is too cool for you." "Jerk!"

"Jean … gave me this toy?" he whispered. "I … I don't remember ever being friends with him." He shrugged it off. "Must have been when I was young and stupid. I just didn't know him well enough yet."

He pushed past the issue and went downstairs to make coffee.

# # #

# #

#

Twenty Years Ago is a 1986 country song by Kenny Rogers. While Kenny Rogers was talking about the 1960s, Eren's memories in 2003 are going back to 1983, his own "20 years ago." This became even weirder for me, as I was working on this story in 2023, recalling how life was in 2003 … my own nostalgic "20 years ago," thinking how simple life was back then before social media usurped our concept of socializing and communication, yet also how much worse it was, particularly how homophobic society was back then. Nostalgia is fine, but realizing "the past was the worst" shows just how much progress we've made.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi released in theater on May 25, 1983.

I'm going to be up front about something personal. I made these character about my same age. Yes, I am old, haha! It made writing this story really nostalgic. I actually watched Return of the Jedi when it first came out. Not like I remember much, I was 3, but it's still something I can boast about as a nerd, and something that absolutely AGES me. All I recall is that I fell asleep at some point, since I had no clue who any of the characters were, and my big brother suddenly shook me awake when the Ewoks came on, exclaiming, "Look! Walking teddy bears!" I left that theater with one thought in mind: I wanted an Ewok stuffed animal!

And yes, I got one. I named him Yub-Yub. I really did carry him around with me everywhere until I entered kindergarten, and even then, as soon as I got home, I'd grab Yub-Yub and carry him around the house. He was my emotional support Ewok.

George Lucas knew precisely what he was doing.

Thundarr the Barbarian was a Saturday morning cartoon from 1980-1981 with reruns airing in 1983, so Jean was probably watching the reruns. It is set in a post-apocalyptic future. Some animals have mutated, like the Mok. It features a warrior named Thundarr who looks like a prototype He-Man with a knockoff lightsaber, a look-at-how-diverse-we-are sorceress named Princess Ariel, and a Mok name Ookla, who resembles a blond wookiee in a speedo. I was far too young to remember this cartoon, but my older brother loved it.

Sesame Street is still iconic, having been on the air since 1969, teaching generations of children the alphabet, counting, and how to be kind to one another.

3-2-1 Contact was an American science show that aired on PBS between 1980-1988, encouraging children to be curious and teaching them about the principles of math and science, aimed for children 8-12, so really, Eren is watching some advanced educational television. (As a kid, I was obsessed with science shows like this, Mister Wizard, and Bill Nye the Science Guy.)

Pinwheel aired on Nickelodeon between 1977-1984, aimed at preschoolers ages 3-5, with a mix of live action and puppets all living inside a Victorian house powered by a giant pinwheel. The show taught kids about sharing, the names of colors, and the environment. (Promoting green energy in the 1980s!)

G.I. Joe was first a series of action figures made by Hasbro that began in the 1960s. In 1982, Hasbro teamed up with Marvel to create a comic series G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero along with its toyline. They also commissioned Marvel to create 30-second animated commercials, presumably of the comic books, NOT promoting the toys, in order to skirt around American regulations on TV toy advertisement. The commercials were such a massive hit, they created a 5-part mini-series in 1983, and another in 1984. A full series began in 1985, but the show was canceled after just two seasons. It got picked up again from 1989-1991. IGN ranks G.I. Joe as one of the Top 20 Animated Series of all time.

My mother refused to buy me G.I. Joes because "they're for boys." (My preference for "boyish" entertainment like G.I. Joe, He-Man, Voltron, and football was a major clash with my conservative Southern mother in my childhood.) My big brother took his allowance money and bought me a Scarlett action figure, so that way at least I had one my mom would approve of, since she was a girl. Otherwise, I just stole my brother's toys, haha!

Teddy Ruxpin was an animated teddy bear with moving eyes and mouth. He came with books and would read the stories from a cassette deck built into his back. Cassettes normally held left and right audio for stereo sound, but Teddy Ruxpin tapes had the left side for audio, and the right side was a data stream that controlled the servomotors that moved the eyes and mouth, so the bear seemed to be speaking as it read you books. It was the best-selling toy of 1985-86.

Although I love listening to audiobooks (I'm dyslexic, struggled to read until I was 9, yet I devoured audiobooks as a kid), I did not own a Teddy Ruxpin (too expensive). Besides, I had Yub-Yub. However, two of my friends had the toy, and I would go over to their house just to listen to a bear read me a story, haha!

All of the other toys I mentioned were ones either me or my husband had as kids. We are both pack rats, too sentimental to part with these childhood memories. I often wonder just how much our old toys from the 80s and 90s are worth. He even still has his original Game Boy and Nintendo NES.

My mother was a manager at the local McDonald's, so we got ALL THE HAPPY MEAL TOYS.