Johnny awakened himself with a start, the last bit of a dream fading away and leaving him feeling more than a little disoriented. Kevin was lying on his side with his back toward Johnny, snoring away, seemingly without a care in the world. Now would be as good a time as any to get up and start some coffee, maybe jump in the shower really quick before Kevin woke up.

It wasn't how things would go if they were at Kevin's. They'd linger in bed for a good long time before finally getting to breakfast and coffee. Not that Johnny didn't want to do that here, but the walls were awfully thin, and he'd probably taken a hell of a risk just having Kevin here the night before. No, better to just leave Kevin where he lay and get himself moving.

He rolled out of bed, finding his boxers and a t-shirt and tugging them on before padding out to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. Maybe he'd hold off on the shower until after Kevin left. After all, he'd have the remainder of the day free and not much else planned.

As he filled the basket and started the coffeemaker, his mind kept going back to the last bit of conversation they'd had just before falling asleep. He'd been thinking things over for ages, but that was the first time he'd dared to voice his thoughts. If Kevin were a girl, he would have barely given it a second thought. He would have dived right in and gone full speed ahead.

He'd always assumed that when he did fall for someone, that someone would be a girl. He hadn't counted on falling so hard for a guy. And not just any guy. No, of course not. A guy he'd hadn't really expected to see again after that one night, a guy who had somehow gotten to him and had him driving back and forth repeatedly, a guy he now couldn't seem to get enough of.

Christ, he never should have said anything. He should have just let things go on as they were. Eventually, Johnny figured, Kevin would get sick of him, get tired of dealing with the distance and trying to coordinate their days off and decide to find someone closer to home. Maybe he should try to do the same.

"Morning," Kevin's cheery voice startled Johnny out of his thoughts. His hands rested briefly on Johnny's hips as Kevin's lips landed on the back of his neck.

Well, maybe he wasn't quite ready to find someone else just yet.

"Hey, morning," Johnny tried to sound casual, though something fluttered in his chest at the sensation. He leaned back against Kevin ever so slightly as Kevin's hands slid under Johnny's t-shirt and came to rest on his stomach. "Just getting some coffee going."

"Good," Kevin murmured, "I could use some, seeing as someone tried to keep me up half the night."

"That's not how I remember it," Johnny countered with a quiet laugh, "And I did let you sleep in."

"You mean you left me to wake up alone," Kevin replied, drawing in closer.

Something clenched in the pit of Johnny's stomach at that. "Didn't mean to."

Kevin left one more kiss on the back of Johnny's neck before pulling back. "Babe, I was teasing."

Of course he was. Johnny almost immediately relaxed, letting out a short breath. "Yeah, I knew that."

Kevin regarded him with an arched eyebrow but otherwise didn't respond, and Johnny could feel the heat rush to his own face as he found a pair of coffee mugs and filled them before handing one to Kevin.

He accepted it and inhaled it before taking a drink. "That is good. Maybe I should let you make the coffee from now on."

"I'm not driving two hours to make your coffee every day," Johnny blurted out before he could stop himself.

Kevin looked baffled for a moment before he shook his head. "I certainly don't expect that. But should you decide…well, never mind."

"Decide what?" There was that knot in his stomach again.

"What we were talking about last night," Kevin responded, "Unless you don't want to talk about that again."

Johnny swallowed hard, leaning on the counter while staring into his coffee mug. "I mean, we don't have to. Not right now."

"Okay," Kevin replied, briefly kissing the back of Johnny's neck while brushing along his waist with one hand.

"Okay," Johnny repeated softly to himself. Maybe he was getting all wound up over this for nothing. It was just a conversation. It wasn't as if Johnny was going to pull up stakes right this minute, if ever. Things were fine as they were.

So why wouldn't that knot in his stomach just loosen already?

"Kev?"

"Hmm?" Kevin responded from the living room.

Johnny picked up his mug and followed, easing himself into the recliner with both hands wrapped around his mug. He still couldn't quite bring himself to look at Kevin. "Maybe I do wanna talk about it."

Kevin shifted to sit up on the couch, setting his own mug aside. "Okay."

Johnny took a long drink as he collected his thoughts. "See, I always kinda figured when I fell in love with someone, that someone would be a girl. Guys were never a serious thing. I guess…I don't really get what happened here, you know? Everything's changed."

He felt Kevin's hand on his arm, and he looked up to see that familiar expression of amusement on Kevin's face. He let out a huff. "Don't look at me like that. I'm serious."

"I know," Kevin replied quietly, his expression sobering a little, "Hell of a thing, isn't it? Because I certainly never intended on falling for you, either."

Johnny couldn't help smiling a little at that. "Some fling, huh?"

Kevin laughed and squeezed Johnny's arm. "I think we've been deluding ourselves for quite some time."

"Probably," Johnny admitted.

"Still, there's no rush," Kevin reminded him, "If you're serious about this, well, I can get some information for you. Maybe you'd be able to transfer departments."

The knot in Johnny's stomach that had just started to loosen suddenly tightened again. There was so much to think about, not just the practical aspects of a move like this.

How the hell was he going to explain this?

"You know, this is probably going to be a long process," Kevin pointed out, "We've got plenty of time to figure things out."

"Right, yeah," Johnny nodded, that knot loosening just a little, "Just thinking, you know, about what I'm gonna say if…when we get things figured out."

Kevin lightly squeezed Johnny's arm one more time before pulling back and picking up his mug. "Tell them whatever you want. You…found a better opportunity. You've got this friend that got you in. Hell, tell them you met a girl if you want."

"Most of the crew already thinks I did," Johnny told him.

Kevin paused before the mug made it to his mouth, and Johnny felt the need to explain. "See, I told Chet—that's my partner, only he didn't really believe me at first. I told him to keep it to himself. So he told everyone that I had this long-distance lover, some chick I met at the convention. Now everyone figures there's some girl I'm seeing."

"Huh," Kevin frowned thoughtfully before taking a drink.

"Look, if things were different, I'd be telling everyone about you," Johnny pointed out, "Hell, I'd be shouting it from the rooftops. But I know you get why I can't do that."

"I do," Kevin acknowledged, "But like I said, long process. It's not like I'm expecting you to drop everything and run away with me. We've got the rest of our lives to figure this out. There's no rush."

The rest of our lives. Johnny studied Kevin for a long moment. How he could be so calm when Johnny was all but vibrating in his chair was beyond him. He was acting as if this were no big deal, but Johnny was the one who was about to uproot his entire life and everything he knew.

It was like jumping off a cliff without being sure what was below. Could be water, could be rocks, could be both. Any way it went, it was a huge risk.

Kevin glanced over at him with a slight smile. "What?"

"Nothing," Johnny answered, "Just thinking."

Kevin set his coffee down and rose from the couch, bracing his hands on the arms of the recliner before leaning down to kiss Johnny hard, letting it linger for a long moment before pulling back slightly.

"You won't regret this," he told Johnny quietly, "I'm going to make damn sure you don't regret this."

That was good enough for Johnny. He managed to set his own mug aside before pulling Kevin on top of him, feeling the recliner shift just a little.

"Hold on," he murmured, reaching for the handle and pushing it back so that the chair fully reclined before pulling Kevin in close again, "There, that's better."

"Oh yes, much," Kevin laughed quietly as he straddled Johnny, "Never done it in a recliner."

"Hard to believe there's something you haven't done."

"There's lots of things I haven't done," Kevin responded, leaning over to leave a trail of kisses down Johnny's neck.

"I'll take your word for it."

It took some fumbling around, but somehow they managed to get rid of what little clothing was between them and it was nothing but skin against skin, the rough hair of Kevin's body against Johnny's own smooth skin.

Johnny felt the chair shift slightly, but thought nothing of it until it became obvious it was slowly tipping over. "Uh, Kev?"

"Hmm?"

The chair fell over backward with a loud thump, nearly sending both of them to the floor. There was a long silence from both of them as Johnny listened for anyone who might be out in the hallway, praying that no one was passing by. Hopefully the downstairs neighbor wasn't home. He didn't want to try to explain this.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Johnny finally replied, "You?"

"Yes," Kevin kissed him, "Although I don't think we should try this in the chair again."

"Definitely not," Johnny couldn't help laughing a little.

"However," Kevin continued as he started a line of kisses down Johnny's throat, "There's a couch…and a floor…and from what I recall, a very nice bed."

"Hmm," Johnny was already getting lost in Kevin's touches and kisses, "I mean, we are already here. Can't make things worse."

"I disagree," Kevin countered.

Johnny huffed. "Fine. You wanna go back to bed?"

"Now we're talking."

They managed to climb out of the chair, and Johnny set it upright before Kevin pulled him into the bedroom to pick up where they left off. It wasn't long before Johnny was flat on his back, with Kevin straddling him, those slow kisses lingering as he worked his way down, stroking Johnny with one hand before taking him into his mouth.

Johnny let out a hiss, his fingers running through Kevin's hair and arching into his mouth as the sensation built further. Just when he was sure he couldn't take any more, Kevin pulled away, and Johnny let out an involuntary groan.

"Shh, shh, I know," Kevin murmured as he shifted around so that he was between Johnny's legs, probing gently, "That okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Johnny managed to get out.

He winced slightly as Kevin pushed his way in, but any soreness was quickly forgotten once he got going, and Johnny once again found himself lost in the sensation. This rough intimacy between them was what Johnny always found himself missing when they were apart, and right now it was all he wanted.

Kevin's fingers curled around Johnny's thighs, gripping tightly as he unloaded deep inside Johnny with a shudder and a rough groan. Johnny wasn't far behind, the sensation coursing through him before he relaxed into the mattress with a long sigh.

Soon Kevin moved to lay next to him, propped up on one elbow before leaning over to kiss him lightly. "You're alright?"

"Yeah," Johnny answered, interlacing his fingers with Kevin's, "More than alright."

"Good," Kevin replied, shifting to lay down, "I meant what I said. There's no rush."

"Right," Johnny responded, "Got the rest of our lives."

Suddenly, that didn't sound nearly as scary as it used to. Now, Johnny was looking forward to it.

# # #

Johnny knocked on Roy's door, and the door flew open. Jenny's eyes lit up when she saw Johnny.

"Uncle Johnny!"

"Hi," Johnny leaned down to give her a quick hug, "Where is everyone?"

"Outside," Jenny told him, "Come on."

Johnny followed Jenny out to the patio, where Joanne was setting the table and Roy was working the grill while Chris pitched a baseball into a net over and over. He stopped when he saw Johnny.

"Hey, Uncle Johnny," he tossed down his glove to greet him.

"Hi," Johnny gave him a quick squeeze around his shoulders, "Jo, you need some help?"

"Oh, no," Joanne assured him, "I've got it handled. Kids, go get washed up."

Both kids did as they were told, and soon Roy crossed over to the table with a platter full of hot dogs and burgers, setting it in the middle of the table. "Good to see you, Johnny. Been a while."

"Yeah, I know," Johnny tried to answer casually, "Been kinda busy."

He still wasn't sure how he was going to come out and tell them that he was moving. It had taken a few months, but now things were in motion, and Johnny was arranging to transfer to his new department.

"It's always good to see you," Joanne told him as they sat at the table and started dishing up, "It's been hard to get together for a long time."

Johnny didn't miss the look Joanne threw at Roy, and even he seemed chastened by it. He nodded in response. "That's true."

They settled in and started eating, talking about nothing in particular. Something stabbed at Johnny, knowing these times would happen far less often. He wasn't sure that Kevin would ever be welcome here, given the nature of their relationship. It was enough that he'd said something to Chet. Thankfully he'd kept that information to himself, though he did complain about having to break in a new partner once Johnny told him he was leaving.

He'd miss them all, even as he was looking forward to building a life with Kevin.

Finally, during a lull in the conversation, Johnny took his opportunity. "Kinda got some big news."

"Yeah?" Roy regarded him curiously.

"Yeah," Johnny pushed what remained of his potato salad around on his plate, "I'm moving."

"Oh, that's exciting," Joanne told him, "Where to?"

"Uh, just outside San Diego," Johnny answered, "Got a job with the county fire department. Still as a paramedic."

"What?" Roy's tone was incredulous, "Why?"

Johnny scrambled to come up with a reasonable explanation. "Change of scenery, I guess. It's a good opportunity. More rural station. Kinda out in the middle of nowhere. There's only two other guys besides me and the captain."

"That's quite a change," Joanne commented with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, but I'm kinda looking forward to it," Johnny told her, "New place, new people, just…something different, you know?"

Roy looked oddly hurt, Johnny thought, unless he was misinterpreting Roy's expression. "Suppose we'll have to find a way to stay in touch."

"Yeah, don't worry about that," Johnny assured him, "We'll find a way."

Roy eyed him skeptically. "You're sure about this?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Johnny answered with a confidence he didn't entirely feel. He deeply wished he could tell Roy why. Maybe he'd understand.

No, it wasn't worth taking the chance of wrecking their friendship. It was going to be difficult enough to stay in touch as it was.

The kids had a million questions, of course, and Johnny did his best to field them. There were some details he hadn't quite worked out yet, but he assured the kids that he'd still come see them, and he'd make sure to call them every so often. They seemed satisfied with that, and eventually they left the table, leaving Johnny with Roy and Joanne.

"Do you need any help packing up?" Roy asked.

"Um, nah," Johnny shook his head, "The crew's coming over to help, and you know me. I don't have that much stuff. Should be done pretty quickly."

"Okay," Roy once again seemed hurt, and Johnny couldn't help feeling bad about it. How could he explain that this hurt him, too, leaving Roy behind. Roy had been his partner and his friend, and Johnny truly did love him. It wasn't just some lingering crush.

Finally, the evening wound down, and Johnny got ready to go home. He gave the kids each a hug and promised to stay in touch, and did the same with Joanne.

Now it was just him and Roy walking out to the Rover, and Johnny had no idea what to say. It seemed that everything had been said.

Well, not everything, but there were some things Johnny would always keep to himself. It was better that way.

Roy extended a hand. "Good luck. Gonna miss you."

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too," Johnny gripped Roy's hand tightly, resisting the urge to pull him into a hug.

"Let us know when you get settled," Roy told him, "Maybe we can come see you."

"Maybe, yeah," Johnny couldn't help the sense of dread that went through him at that, "I'll let you know."

Roy released Johnny's hand and clapped him on the shoulder before stepping back, and Johnny took that as his cue to climb up into the Rover. He started it up and gave Roy one last wave before he backed out and started down the road.

It was odd, Johnny thought, leaving one man he loved for another. It would be better if he was able to tell Roy the real reason he was moving, but he wasn't going to worry about that right now.

After all, they had the rest of their lives to figure it out.