"And then after nearly 3 years, THREE FUCKING YEARS OF HYPING MYSELF UP FOR THIS GAME, Middle-Earth: Shadow of War released!" Charlie ranted, pacing around the sketchy Michigan Basement while stripped down to his underpants. "Or as I now like to call it… MID-EARTH: SHADOW OF, fucking, DISAPPOINTMENT!"

"Charlie, please let me go…" Pim begged, tied to a chair while also stripped down to his underpants.

"Shut the fuck up, you little shit! This is what these past 6 hours have been building up to!"

Charlie stared down at his captive friend, looking ready to beat the shit out of the poor defenseless little critter. Thankfully, Pim went dead silent to avoid accidentally escalating things.

"...Now as I was saying. MID-Earth: Shadow of DISAPPOINTMENT finally released! Ok? This TRIPLE A, that's THREE A's, released! And you know what?! …It was actually pretty good…"

Charlie took a moment to reflect on his early memories of first playing the game. He even smiled a little.

"Yeah… It was good…"

That wouldn't last long.

"...But it should have been-" Charlie punched a hole in some drywall. "-A FUCKING MASTERPEICE!".

Charlie then took a swig from a long-forgotten bottle of scotch he had grabbed off the wet basement floor.

"*buuuurp* Wh-Where do I even fucking begin!? Oh I know, THE FUCKING WAR CHESTS!"

"Wa-War Chests?" Pim couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah Pim, these GREEDY FUCKS were selling WAR CHESTS that cost REAL MONEY in a SINGLE PLAYER GAME! A FUCKING SINGLE PLAYER GAAAAME! SHADOW OF MICROTRANSACTIONS! Doesn't that just piss you off?!"

"...Ch-Charlie, I don't know what War Chests are. How am I supposed to be mad about something-"

"GRRHHAAAHHHHHH!"

Charlie fucking lost it and threw his fat yellow body against an unfinished interior wall. Much to Pim's shock, yet also relief, his friend managed to near-effortlessly obliterate the skeletal boarded structure without hurting himself.

"Oh, and then they had THE BALLS to remove the War Chests AND update the game 9 MONTHS LATER!" Charlie stepped back out from the, well, now non-existent room. "WE HAD TO WAIT 9 FUCKING MONTHS FOR THE GAME WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AT LAUNCH!"

Charlie took another long swig from his scotch. This gave Pim a moment to fully process his friend's rampage, and more importantly, think about what was just said.

"Wait, the game got better after the update? " Pim asked, already regretting the question, but knew it was too late to back out now. "Then… Why are you still so mad about it? I don't see the problem-"

Charlie drunkenly threw the bottle right past Pim's head, shattering it against the wall behind the purple critter.

"BECAUSE THEY PROMISED US ONE OF THE GREATEST GAMES EVER MADE, BUT INSTEAD SHIT OUT A HALF-ASSED GENERIC TRIPLE A GAME WITH A SHITTY BORING STORY THAT FOCUSED ON A BUNCH OF FUCKING BORING ASS CHARACTERS!" He punched a couple of holes in the wall. "THE FUCKING NEMESIS SYSTEM FELT LIKE A FUCKING SIDE ADDITION! YOU KNOW, THE LITERAL ONLY THING THAT PEOPLE LIKED ABOUT SHADOW OF MORDOR?! YEAH, IT FELT LIKE THEY DIDN'T EVEN PRIORITISE IT!"

Charlie flipped a dusty coffee table over.

"SO INSTEAD OF HAVING SUPER UNIQUE STORY POTENTIAL WITH YOUR FAVORITE URUK CAPTAINS, WE GOT BORE YOU TO SLEEP INTERACTIONS WITH SOME BLOND BITCH MARRY SUE ELF, A BUNCH OF HUMANS I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THE NAME OF, AND TWO MAIN CHARACTERS THAT ARE JUST AS BLAND AS THEY WERE IN SHADOW OF MORDOR!" Charlie then fucking lost it again, and started beating the shit out of the flipped coffee table. "THE ONLY GOOD INTERACTIONS WERE WITH BRUZ AND ZOG! AND GUESS WHAT, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY WERE FUCKING URUKS! Or uhh, an Olog in Bruz's case… BUT STILL!"

Pim could only watch on in helpless fear as Charlie beat the table into pieces. It may have been a truly horrifying sight, but the little guy was just grateful not to be on the receiving end of his friend's rage.

"*heavy breathing* *heavy breathing* Oh yeah, I forgot about HER!" Charlie shot back up, taking a moment to stare at his now bloody knuckles before flying into another tirade. "In what was probably one of the most unnecessary and stupid changes they did to the Lord of the Rings lore, THEY CHANGED FUCKING SHELOB INTO A PORN ACTRESS-LOOKING BITCH!"

For whatever reason, this particular point against the game pushed Charlie over the edge. And that's no exaggeration either, for even Pim had never seen… Well, you'll see.

"AND IF YOU THINK I'M FUCKING OVER EXADURATING, NOOOO! HER FUCKING HUMAN FORM LOOKS LIKE THE PORN ACTRESS 'STOYA'! WHY THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT! WERE THE DEVELOPERS TOO BUSY JERKING OFF TO STOYA INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THE GAAAAME?!"

Charlie flew into his worst rampage yet, kicking and punching holes in the basement walls. He even stepped on the broken bottle glass, tracking blood all over the place. Some of it even got on Pim.

"THEY TURNED A GIANT MONSTER SPIDER INTO A PORN ACTRESS! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART ABOUT THAT IS?! DO YOU?! DO YOOOUUUU?!" Charlie punched himself in the face a few times. "THE GAME'S PORN ISN'T EVEN GOOD! THERE'S BARELY ANY OF IT ON , AND NONE OF IT EVEN CAME CLOSE TO GIVING ME A BONER!"

He then punched himself again, while pulling his underpants down.

"Ch-Charlie!" Pim panicked, trying and failing to free himself from the chair. "Wh-wh-what are you doing?!"

"LOOK AT THIS FLACID COCK PIM!" Charlie demanded, now repeatedly punching himself. "LOOK AT IIIITTTT! THE GAME DID THIS TO ME PIM! I CAN'T JERK OFF TO IT, I CAN'T HAVE AN ENGAGING STORY WITH MY URUK CAPTAINS, AND I CA-CAN'T-"
*crack*

With one final punch, a painful cracking sound rang out from Charlie's nose. Not even a second later, he would collapse to the ground.

"...Ch…Charlie?" Pim asked. "Are… Are you ok?"

No response. The big raging naked yellow critter had managed to knock himself out cold.

"Great… Guess I'll just have to sit here and wait for him to recover…"