«Just what the fuck is all this noise about?»

Once those loud words of deep irritation left my mouth, the heads of everyone in the classroom turned to me. The room became so quiet I could hear someone swallow nervously.

Huh, Maybe Totsuka wasn't exaggerating about the effectiveness of «Scary Hikki».

«You people are always so fucking loud that even your average conversation gets on my nerves.» I growled, stepping closer to Miura's desk. «But it turns out it's even worse when you have a fight. I'd appreciate it very much if you either kept your mouths shut or solved your problems with each other somewhere else.»

I deliberately acted like I couldn't care less about Yuigahama being pressed by Miura and was simply annoyed by their loudness (the latter is true, by the way). I didn't know the pink-haired girl all that well, but I was aware that she was some kind of a social butterfly. It was pretty much obvious that she was quite popular and, unlike me, worried about her reputation.

And now imagine what would happen to said reputation if people associated her with me, likely the most well-known violent degenerate of Soubu High. So it's better to help Yui not drawing any attention to her directly.

The whole Hayama's clique froze, obviously not knowing how to react to the situation. I bet nobody had dared to speak to them like that before, so my words made them freeze in shock. Hayama himself seemed unsure of what to do, his eyes moving between me and Miura warily. Tobe lost his usual dumb grin and was scratching his head, seemingly nervous. Ebina looked mostly normal, but her smile was tighter than usual. Two guys whose names I didn't bother to remember were tense.

Yuigahama was just looking at me with wide eyes.

Miura was the first one to snap out of it.

«Huh?! Who the hell do you think you are to speak to us like that, Hikio?!» She said angrily, standing up and slamming her hands on the desk. Her green eyes were burning with fury.

The ugly creature inside my chest was growling so vehemently that I even overlooked this strange nickname Miura had given me.

«I'm someone who's not a fan of hearing your fucking beef inside the classroom.» I spat in response stepping closer. «You see, I come to this place during the lunchtime, I expect some fucking peace and quiet. Not you shitting on your friends for the reasons beyond my understanding.»

«Whatever I do with my friends is none of your business!» Miura exploded. «And so you know, the classroom was pretty much peaceful and quiet before you barged in!»

«Like hell it was!»

«Let's just all calm down.» Hayama finally decided to intervene, stepping between us. He raised his hands in a friendly manner. «No need to start a fight over a simple misunderstanding, Hikigaya-san. I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by my friends, it wasn't intentional.»

For some unknown reason his words made me angrier. Maybe it was his fake smile that never reached his eyes, or some it was his disgusting overly sweet voice, but I felt my blood boiling at Hayama's attempt at diplomacy.

«You sound like an owner of a bulldog who took a shit on a neighbor's lawn.» I huffed in disdain, then turned to Miura. «Though I guess it's more like chihuahua in your case. Barks a lot, but is hardly able to bite.»

My words seemed to send Miura over the edge. She practically jumped at me, lifting her hand in attempt to slap me. I leaned back to dodge it, but it was unnecessary — Hayama caught the blonde girl before she was able to reach me.

«Let me go, I'll make this son of a bitch eat his words!»

«Yumiko, don't let his words get to you!» Hayama was holding Miura tight, not letting her touch me. «He's just provoking you!»

The ugly creature in my chest roared happily at the sight of the outraged Fire Queen, but it was still hungry. I couldn't stop, desperately needed someone to feed it with.

«Yeah, yeah, Miura, listen to what your owner says! Take a cue from your buddies!» I said mockingly pointed at the two nameless guys from their clique. «They hardly possess the minds of their own. Especially the big one! Man, I can tell by your face alone that your IQ is no higher than fucking 60.»

«The big one» did not take my words kindly.

«What did you say to me, you asshole?!» He roared at me, stepping closer. His eyes were telling me he had difficulty restraining himself from strangling me right there. The blue ropes of veins appeared on his thick neck, pulsating visibly.

«I said you were a dumb fuckface, you dumb fuckface!» I roared at him back.

«Yamato, NO-» Hayama's words stopped as a big fist was flying towards my face.

I simply stepped aside, grabbed the guy by both his fist and his neck from behind and slammed him into the desk of a random classmate. Yamato's forehead met the wood with a loud BANG, causing the poor desk to crack. The big guy himself fell on the floor, moaning in pain. A bruise was rapidly forming between his eyebrows.

«Yamato! Hikigaya, you bastard-»

The shorter guy rushed at me, but didn't manage to reach me with his fists. Something pushed him aside, causing him to hit the floor. It was Totsuka.

«Don't you dare touch Hikigaya-sama, you scum!» He hissed, rolling up his sleeves.

Saika, I love you! And now I know you deserve to be my brother-in-law. Not like I ever doubted you, though.

The whole class was in a state of shock, watching us with their jaws nearly touching the floor. The situation had unfolded so rapidly they likely couldn't process what they were seeing. To be honest, I myself was surprised at how I'd managed to start a physical fight out of nowhere.

Hearing some noise from behind, I turned my head to see Tobe taking a step towards me.

Nah, buddy, not happening.

«One step closer and this overgrown ape won't be able to pick his fucking teeth up from the floor!» I warned him, pointing at the big guy, who was still nursing his head on the floor.

Tobe froze in irresolution, with his gaze flickering from me to Yamato and then to Hayama. Buddy, you seriously need to stop doing that, you risk getting strabismus.

Hayama let go of Miura finally and stepped closer to me, as if shielding the rest of his clique. I didn't back down — for all of his talents and strength, Hayama could hardly be perceived as a threat. Unlike many guys I had fought, he lacked the resolve in his eyes that usually meant readiness to go any lengths including physical confrontation.

"Hikigaya, stop it here." Hayama's voice was stern, but he didn't raise it. "The violence you just inflicted upon Yamato is already more than enough to get you in trouble. Don't dig yourself deeper, especially in front of so many witnesses."

Hayama chose a wise stance, I should give it to him. He paints himself as some kind of a firm, but just policeman who tries to reason with an enraged rowdy. In the eyes of the people surrounding us he automatically becomes a good guy. Smart move, but not circumspect enough.

"Do I look to you like someone who genuinely gives even the slightest fuck about it?" I raised my eyebrow. "Besides, the same witnesses can easily confirm that it was…"

I stumbled for a second and turned to the big guy on the floor with a frown.

"The hell's his name?"

"Yamato." Totsuka helped obligingly.

"Oh, yeah, Yamato, thanks Totsuka." I nodded at him with gratitude and turned back to Hayama's clique. "Now, where the hell was I? Oh yes, the same witnesses can easily confirm that Yamato was the one who launched at me first with quite a transparent urge to beat the shit out of me. And even if they prove not willing to do it, it will be of no import ultimately."

I pointed my finger at the corner of the class, causing the whole classroom to look there.

"In case it somehow fucking slipped your mind, we have a security camera in every classroom. So if anyone here tells it was not a self-defense from my side, they risk to get in trouble themselves for perjury."

"You provoked him!" Miura snapped back at me accusingly.

"So?" I snorted. "Please correct me if I'm wrong, but last time I checked a couple of fucking insults wasn't a legitimate reason to go full Leeroy Jenkins on your classmate with fists."

"You talk as if you didn't beat other guys left and right for as much as looking at you the wrong way…" The short guy who'd previously been knocked down by Totsuka couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Whatever I do in other situations is fucking irrelevant!" I snapped at him, causing the short guy to twitch. "I'm telling you facts. You have nothing on me. But if you think different, feel free to go ahead — go to Hiratsuka, principal, police, whoever the fuck you want. Try to get me in trouble. Let's see how it works for you!"

My little speech seemingly left Hayama and his buddies… speechless, for the lack of a better word. Mr. Saint himself was standing there with a mix of discomfiture and frustration on his frowning face — that was probably the truest expression of his I'd ever seen. Miura was opening and closing her mouth like a guppy. Tobe and Ebina were simply staring at me in pure shock, as well as the short guy. I didn't bother to look down on the floor to check Yamato's reaction.

Yuigahama was the strangest one. She was giving me the same shining eyes as back when I asked for the rest of her cookies.

For some reason, this look of hers alone made me more unnerved than all the attempts of Hayama's buddies to restrain me.

I shook my head to get rid of this feeling.

"Anyway, if there's no takers, then I guess we are leaving the matter at that." I said, turning around to leave. "Now excuse me, but I've grown sick and tired of your fucking company. See you around, assholes."

The adrenaline rush of the conflict was gone. Only the usual void within was left.

"I must admit, you did surprisingly well back there, Hikigaya." Was the first thing I heard coming out of the classroom.

Yukinoshita was standing near the doors, obviously having heard the whole thing. Her eyes showed usual coolness, but there was also something else on their very bottom… Maybe, that was respect?

Nah, who am I kidding?

"I had initially planned to intervene, but you managed to show the level of competence that is unusual for you and sorted it out yourself."

I merely sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. The showdown with Hayama and his lickspittles drained all energy out of me, and I couldn't even be surprised by Yukinoshita having said something positive about me.

"Great, I just dealt with one fucking school queen to run into another immediately." I said tiredly. "Though, I should give it to you, you're a way more pleasant talker compared to Miura."

Yukinoshita raised her eyebrow slightly.

"Hikigaya, I must admit I am in the state of deep shock right now. Have you just said something complimentary to me right now? The hell must have frozen over if you managed to squeeze these words out of you."

"I assure you, there's no such agony in this world as I experienced giving birth to these words." I responded rather dramatically, rolling my eyes. "But don't get used to it, what I said was purely out of obligation. In the end, you just rewarded me with TWO positive sentences about me. Would be incredibly fucking impolite of me to not say something good back."

"Don't take those sentences personally." Yukinoshita looked away. "You're still disgusting."

I found myself almost smiling at her words, even though only a week ealrier similar comments made me snap at her. After the genuine hate-filled insults from Miura and her buddies, Yukinoshita's casual affront was almost soothing.

"You and Yukinoshita-san have an interesting relationship, Hikigaya-sama." Totsuka's voice broke the barely established silence.

I turned my head to him, realizing too late that he'd followed me out of the classroom and heard our usual banter. For some reason it made me feel awkward. Though, at least this weird feeling wasn't reserved for me alone — Yukinoshita seemed slightly abashed as well.

"Ahem, me and Yukinoshita are clubmates." I said, scratching my head. "I believe you two know each other already?"

"That would be correct, though we've never officially talked before." Yukinoshita nodded and turned to my future brother-in-law. "Nice to meet you, Totsuka-san."

"Nice to meet you too, Yukinoshita-san!" Totsuka gave her a wide and charming smile.

I had to look away to not melt right there. Keep it together, Hachiman, Totsuka's reserved for Komachi! Besides, you're not a Polish guy.

"Anyway, what are you even doing here, Yukinoshita?" I inquired curiously. "Last time I checked, 2-J isn't even in this part of school."

"Me and Yuigahama-san had agreed to meet during lunchtime, but she didn't show up." Yukinoshita answered. "I'd grown rather tired of waiting and decided to check on her myself."

"Well, as you could have figured already, fucking Miura decided to start a beef with her for some reason and delayed her." I took a look on my watch. "By the way, you two can still meet for whatever you two need, there's still some time before the lunchtime is over… By the way, Totsuka, what lesson do we have next?"

"Modern Japanese." Totsuka answered.

A deafening alarm went off inside my head at these words.

I immediately imagined Hiratsuka-sensei hearing about what happened in the classroom and her possible reactions to it. They may differ in length and intensity, but one thing they definitely do have in common — they all will involve grievous bodily harm inflicted upon me.

Which means I have to avoid Nemesis by any means necessary!

"You know what guys, I'm not feeling well, I guess I'll have to sit this one out." I said in disturbingly even voice. "Bye, Totsuka. Yukinoshita, I'll meet you and Yuigahama at the club."

With that, I turned around and walked away, not bothering to wait for their reaction.

Hikigaya rapidly left the hallway before bewildered Totsuka and Yukinoshita could ask him anything.

"What has just happened to him?" The Ice Queen blinked.

"I don't know, Yukinoshita-san." Totsuka was no less perplexed, scratching his head. "I've never seen Hikigaya-sama this pale. Maybe, he's not feeling well indeed?"

"Perhaps." Yukinoshita frowned with doubt clearly seen in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Totsuka turned to her with curiosity in his gaze.

"Yukinoshita-can, you and Hikigaya-sama are in the same club?"

"Correct, unfortunately." Yukinoshita nodded, closing her eyes. "His presence there was forced upon me. And you're… his friend?"

To her surprise, Totsuka blushed and looked away, pressing the tips of his index fingers shyly.

"I hope so…" He said quietly. "I respect Hikigaya-sama very much."

Yukinoshita blinked again. Her face showed clearly that she couldn't quite wrap her head around the idea of a violent and brutal rowdy like Hachiman being respected by Totsuka of all people. But before she could ask anything, Yuigahama showed up in the hallway, looking rather agitated.

Seeing that Yukinoshita was there, she instantly started babbling:

"Oh, Yukinon, I'm sorry I wasn't there in time! Yumiko and I just-"

Yukinoshita simply raised her hand, as if trying to stop Yui's endless stream of words from reaching her ears.

"No offense was taken, Yuigahama-san." She said calmly. "Besides, lunchtime isn't over yet."

Yui visibly exhaled in relief.

"Thank you very much, Yukinon…"

Then she suddenly raised her head and looked around with concern.

"Where's Hikki? I wanted to have a talk with him."

"Hikigaya has just left somewhere." Yukinoshita informed her. "Claimed that he wasn't feeling well and decided to skip the next lesson."

Totsuka nodded. Yuigahama lowered her head, looking rather upset. Her earlier agitation seemed to have evaporated.

"Oh, okay, I guess I'll talk to him later…" She said, adjusting her sleeve. "Should we be going, Yukinon?"

"Yes, I guess we should." Yukinoshita replied, then suddenly turned to Totsuka. "Are you going to join us, Totsuka-san?"

Totsuka looked bewildered.

"You're inviting me to join you?"

"Yeah!" Yuigahama instantly bloomed, forgetting her previous despondence. She grabbed Totsuka's arm, causing the feminine boy to blush. "Let's go with us, Sai! By the way, why do you call Hikki "Hikigaya-sama"?.."

I spent the next hour and half sitting on the bench outside, enjoying an unhealthy amount of MAX Coffee and reading various novels. Lately I got kinda bored and decided to check out those fancy Chinese novels the guys from the internet were crazy about, and you know what? They're not half bad! I mean, surely the panda people have screws loose when it comes to many aspects of life, but man, they do have some really decent pieces of literature. The story of Fang Yuan alone cane be considered classics.

But anyway, once the lessons were over, I stood up from the bench, stretched my limbs and went back to school. I was moving on high alert, looking around in paranoia — should Hiratsuka find me, and my life could very easily end in a very gruesome manner. There's no more powerful being than a lonely woman approaching her thirties.

Upon approaching the clubroom, I was once again greeted by an odd sight — Yuigahama, Yukinoshita and Totsuka (what was he even doing there) were all standing near the door, hesitating to go inside. Yukinoshita was peeping through the crack in the door carefully, her face showing a mix of confusion and apprehension.

"The fuck are you doing?" I asked, raising my eyebrow in puzzlement.

All three of them nearly jumped at the sound of my voice, Yuigahama hiding behind Yukinoshita instinctively. When they saw it was just me, they collectively let out a breath of relief.

"Oh, it's just you, Hikki." Yuigahama smiled at me.

"For the first time I admit, I am glad to see that it's you, Hikigaya." Yukinoshita proceeded to say something positive about me for the THIRD time in a single day.

I tilted my head, looking at her completely dumbfounded.

"Yukinoshita, are you feeling well?" I inquired warily. "Haven't you, I don't know, hit your head with hard objects during last 24 hours?"

Yukinoshita narrowed her eyes at me, though for some reason I had a strong suspicion that she wanted to have rolled them instead.

"Don't hold your breath, Hikigaya. There's just some scary man inside the clubroom. Could you take a look?"

"Okay." I still didn't understand what was going on, but decided to do what was asked of me.

I opened the door quickly and stepped inside.

There was indeed a strange man inside… A strange, but definitely not unfamiliar.

A rather massive guy in a trench-coat was standing in the middle of the room. His long white hair was down, covering his face until he raised his head to look at me. His brown eyes were full of pure, consuming madness.

"Hey, it's been a while."

Whatever Hachiman saw inside the room, it made his eyes widen.

"For real?" He whispered in disbelief.

"For real real." The terrifyingly joyful voice was heard from inside the clubroom, making Yukinoshita and Totsuka with Yui shiver. "I'm alive and kicking!"

"Reverse cursed technique?" Hachiman said, frowning.

"What?" Totsuka, Yukinoshita and Yuigahama blinked simultaneously in confusion.

They approached the doors warily, staying behind Hachiman's broad frame, and peeked inside the clubroom.

The strange man was standing there. The mad gaze of his brown eyes made them gulp nervously, and they made a step back reflexively.

The scary white-haired man continued on ranting:

"Bingo!" He knocked on his own skull slightly. "When you stabbed me through the throat, I gave up on counterattacking and poured all my focus into the reverse cursed technique. Cursed energy is negative energy. While it can enhance the body, it can't regenerate it. So you multiply that negative energy against itself to create positive energy. That's the reversed cursed technique!"

Hachiman still looked at him, frowning. Yukino, Yui and Saika couldn't understand a thing of what the strange man just said, but it didn't make him any less potentially dangerous. In fact, if he was a madman babbling nonsense, it made things even scarier.

"On the other hand, Hikigaya seems to understand what this crazie is talking about…" Yukinoshita thought to herself. "Has he gone mad as well

The man giggled a little and went on:

"Easier said than done! I hadn't been able to do that up until now myself! And I couldn't understand anything the one person who could do it said!.."

"He's blabbing on and on…" Hachiman muttered to himself. "He's high."

"…But I finally grasped it on the verge of death!" The man raised his voice suddenly, leaning back with his arms spread wide. He was looking at the ceiling with a crazy smile. "The true essence of cursed energy! The reason you're going to lose is that you didn't chop my head off, and because you didn't use that cursed tool when you stabbed my head!"

The wide, confident smirk appeared on Hikigaya's face all of sudden.

"I'm going to lose?" He chuckled, raising his fists as if getting ready to fight. "Our fight is just getting started."

"Oh, is it? Maybe so…" The man inquired giggling. "MAYBE SO!"

There was silence inside the room at these words. For nearly a minute, Hikigaya and the strange man just stood there staring at each other.

Than both of them burst into laughter.

"Okay, I gotta admit, you've fucking outdone yourself this time, Zaimokuza!" I managed to squeeze out between seizures of laughter. "Especially with Gojo going nuts in the end. If MAPPA decides to fire Yuuichi, I'd say you got a solid chance to replace him."

Man, due to his own eccentric tendencies Zaimokuza was really good when it comes to cosplaying the characters who went off the rails. Though he wasn't physically weak, Zaimokuza was nowhere near as tall and muscular as Gojo — and yet his voice and acting alone were enough to make him as believable as possible.

"Your high praise is very much appreciated, my dear comrade!" Yoshiteru exclaimed loudly with puffed-chest pride in his voice. "If I may, your Toji was also quite magnificent."

Now it was my turn to puff out my chest.

"Imitating this man was my life goal since chapter 66." I said deadpan. "I've been hitting the gym with a sole aim to obtain his physique."

"That's the spirit, my dear comrade!" Zaimokuza approved passionately, grinning and showing me a thumb up. "We should do cosplays together and go to festivals!"

These words extinguished my enthusiasm very fast, since I had absolutely zero intention to do any professional cosplay, let alone a joint one with Zaimokuza. Of course, I didn't have anything against him exactly. Moreover, he's been my good buddy since the first days in high school, when I saw him virtually drowning in orgasms over the fresh chapter of Berserk — that was when I knew straight away he was a cool dude. We hit it off quite quickly, even though Yoshiteru sometimes drove me nuts with his escapades. Remember I once mentioned the days I was so angry that I wanted to punch every person I met? In case some of you also have such days, here is a gold rule: never meet Zaimokuza. Never, if you don't want to be charged for manslaughter.

"Guys?" Totsuka chimed in, saving me from necessity to answer Zaimokuza's offer. "Are you two OK?"

"Hikigaya, are you feeling well?" Ever the teaser, Yukinoshita mimicked my earlier question to her. "Haven't you by chance hit your head with hard objects during last 24 hours?"

"Ha-ha, very fucking funny, Yukinoshita." I answered rather dryly. "And no, I haven't gotten Glenn Rhee treatment recently."

"Are you sure you fine, Hikki?" Yuigahama decided to voice her doubts as well, looking at me shyly. "What is even this "cursed energy"?.."

I glared at her in sheer disbelief. It only worsened when I moved my gaze to Yukinoshita and Totsuka and found the same cluelessness on their faces.

"Get out of here, are you all serious?" I exclaimed, grabbing my head in shock. "You've never read Jujutsu Kaisen?"

All of them shook their heads. The jaws of Zaimokuza and I dropped on the floor.

"Why?" I still couldn't comprehend it. "JJK is a fucking national treasure at this point!"

"Hachiman is right!" Yoshiteru was quick to back me up. "Gege Akutami is our lord and savio… Though no, not the last one, definitely no. But he's still a genius!"

Totsuka simply batted his eyelashes at us, not quite knowing how to react. Yuigahama was giggling nervously, while Yukinoshita was quite obviously questioning our mental capacity. Though, that's not really so — I could see by her eyes that she was not, in fact, questioning it. She had already labeled us as hopeless cases which could only be helped through euthanasia.

I sighed and pursed my lips. They will get there one day, Hachiman, they will get there.

"Anyway, setting aside your questionable obsession with shounen manga, let's get back to the beginning." Yukinoshita rubbed her eyes in exasperation. "Since you two seem acquainted, could you introduce your friend to us, Hikigaya?"

"Oh, yeah, of course." I shrugged and pointed my hand at Zaimokuza. "Guys, that's Zaimokuza Yoshiteru, our classmate and a good buddy of mine. Zaimokuza, in case you aren't aware, those guys are Yukinoshita Yukino from 2-J and our classmates, Totsuka Saika and Yuigahama Yui."

"Nice to meet you, Zaimokuza!" Yuigahama said in her usual cheerful voice.

"Yes, nice to meet you, Zaimokuza-san." Totsuka gave Yoshiteru his brightest smile.

Poor otaku wasn't ready for such amount of female attention (let's conveniently ignore the fact that Totsuka is not a female). Yuigahama's greeting was already too much since I'm sure it was a first time a girl in this school said something to him directly. But when Totsuka stepped in… Man, even I instantly wanted to propose to him back when he spoke to me for the first time. I don't even want to imagine the wild thoughts that aroused in Zaimokuza's mind the second Totsuka smiled at him. I wouldn't be able to comprehend them.

It seemed that neither could Zaimokuza, because he fainted on the spot.

It took nearly three minutes to wake Zaimokuza up and five more to get his cognitive functions to work again. Once he was able to explain the goal of his visit to Service Club to Yukinoshita, it turned out he wanted us to read and give critical feedback the manuscript on his new novel, which he brought with him. After the gave the manuscript to us, I quickly made sure he left — I wasn't really eager to wake him up again after losing consciousness in Totsuka decided to speak to him nicely again.

By the way, about Totsuka. It turned out that in my absence he quickly made friends with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama — which actually wasn't a big surprise to me, since everyone knew it was impossible to not like Totsuka. He even promised to come to Service Club whenever he had an opportunity. That was… great, I guess? I'm definitely the last person to have anything against his company. Although his interactions with the girls should be monitored very thoroughly. I will not let anyone keep me from executing my perfect plan of getting the most kawaii nephews and nieces ever! That reminds me that I have to arrange a meeting between Totsuka and Komachi as soon as possible.

Anyway, once the club time was over, Yukinoshita sent everyone home. I said goodbye to the guys and went towards the exit quickly — after this tiresome day I wanted nothing more than to lock myself inside my room, get some snacks and play Playstation-chan for many hours.

"…an't read my, can't read my, no he can read my poker face…" I was humming while walking through the hallway.

But the next moment my singing was stopped abruptly and felt my soul leave my body. Right behind the corner, the sound of familiar heels was heard. I could distinguish these heels from thousands of others — it was Hiratsuka. And she was rapidly approaching the place I was currently at.

No, no-no-no-no! Dammit, dammit, dammit, I'm so close to escape!

The heels were getting closer and closer, making chills run down my spine. For some reason I didn't ever consider running away, like I subconsciously knew it was useless. I started looking around madly searching for a place to hide, and it seemed like the gods of romantic comedy were merciful to me today — one of the doors on my right was open, and I ran inside, not even bothering to check what a room it was. I simply shut the door behind me, praying that Hiratsuka-sensei wouldn't think anything of it.

Thankfully, she didn't. The dreadful sound of heels was getting farther and farther away, until one moment it ceased to be heard entirely. I let out a breath of relief and pressed to doorknob.

The door didn't open.

I pressed again, growing quite nervous.

I got the same result.

No matter how much pressure I applied to the doorknob, the door wasn't willing to open. I realized with horror that it was probably one of this shitty european doors that locked themselves automatically when fully closed. I was stuck in the room unless I managed to find the keys.

My horror at the situation I'd gotten myself in turned into strong sense of impending doom once I turned around to look for the keys and realized where exactly I ended up.

It was the principal's office.

I had already been there several times. All the them happened during my first year, when I got into especially serious fights and Hiratsuka-sensei sent me there. Back then, the old hag Kurita was ruling the school. She was grumpy and dull, but she was manageable — no matter how fucked I was, my charisma (and my old man's money) allowed me to get away with my debauchery.

But now Kurita was retired, and the new guy named Takemura Ken was in charge. At first he didn't seem that strict and threatening — he looked like a usual office worker in his late forties, completely bald, with rimless glasses and a big belly. But his appearance was deceiving.

This guy has already expelled a few kids from quite influential families for relatively minor offenses. I don't even know what consequences I might face if he catches me in his office like that.

Which means that if I don't find the keys and get out of here, I'm completely and irreversibly fucked.

So I started searching. I went through all the shelves, all the cupboards, even checked behind the Rising Sun Flag on the wall (a minute of silent respect for Takemura Ken) — nothing. In the end the only unchecked place that remained was the desk. I sat down in the office chair and started checking the drawers. All were empty.

I lifted my gaze to check the surface of the desk itself, in hopes that I didn't notice something — and froze. My eyes were glued to the screen of the principal's computer, unable to move away.

You see, Japan is a country with one of the most powerful sex industries in the world. While the prostitution itself is illegal, there are a lot of loopholes and liberal interpretations of the law that allow it to bloom anyway and bring dozens of billions of dollars annually anyway. Besides, the very enforcement of the laws about prostitution is loose. So it's no wonder that many Japanese men often use the services of prostitutes.

There are several big Japanese websites that are used by the companies that provide such services. They are basically like social networks, where guys (or girls) can find the suitable prostitutes, contact them using chat and even write feedback on their work for other users.

The biggest of this sites is Yokujō no Usagi (Lustful Bunny). And it was exactly the site the principal had opened on his working computer!

Having totally forgotten about the search of the keys, I started exploring Takemura's account. And fuck me, there was a lot to explore. First of all, guy had a premium account, and not just that — he had fucking platinum membership! Moreover, according to his profile, he joined the community in 2006. Dude had already been balls deep in hookers before I was born! He had countless chats with various sex workers of all kind, with some of them meeting him more than once. And his achievements (yeah, Lustful Bunny had a system of achievements) were simply crazy.

How do you like that one: "Insatiable Stallion", the achievement that could be gained if you call the prostitutes more than seven times in 24 hours.

Or this: "Watermelons' Lover", which could be gained if you call a girl with K cups.

"Survivor" achievement matched its name — survive a sexual encounter with a prostitute that weighed over 600 lbs.

"It's Not Apple Juice"… I'm not describing it, never. I might puke.

Scrolling through Takemura's account, I felt a mix of utter disgust and awe. Just where did Ken find so much time for fucking hookers? Guys like him usually have work and family.

Wait a minute. Family.

Having just come up with a brilliant idea, I started scrolling through the tabs until I found the guy's Facebook. There were indeed family photos on his account, with him, his wife and… seven children? Holy fuck, maybe this guy has only been fucking prostitutes to save his wife from his hunger. His sexual drive seems endless.

Takemura's family seemed happy on the recent photos, and the wife didn't quite look like someone whose husband was cheating on them regularly. So there was a chance she didn't know.

I returned to the page with Lustful Bunny, pulled out my phone and started taking pictures of everything — his chats with hookers, his fucking platinum membership, his achievements, his search history, everything.

I had taken nearly two hundreds of photos by the time the door suddenly opened, and Takemura walked inside the office, whistling something. Once he noticed me sitting at his desk, he froze instantly.

"What the hell are you doing here, young man?" He inquired, raising his voice instantly.

Okay. It's all or nothing now. Hachiman, you got it.

"Well, you can say I'm here by accident." I smiled, trying to sound as confident as I was able to. "I entered the wrong room, door shut behind me, I got locked up here."

"And you expect me to believe it?" Takemura looked outraged. "Get out of my chair!"

"Nah, I prefer it here." I said with a smile. "That's quite a comfortable chair, I must admit."

Ken's face changed his color to crimson in a span of one second.

"You…" He said, clenching his fists. "You just got yourself in some big problems."

I outright laughed in his face.

"Me? I got problems? Man, judging from what I has just seen here," I pointed at the computer screen. "It's you who has some big fucking problems."

Once he realized what I implied, Takemura's face lost all the crimson color, becoming pale. I almost expected him to faint right there.

"You…" He gulped audibly, his voice unusually high. "You saw it?"

"Whether I saw it and took the photos or no depends on what happens next." I shrugged innocently. "One's ability to see something changes everything, don't you think so? Look at our situation here. You might see me sitting at your desk, having walked into this room and violated the school rules by it. It means that I also saw the website full of chats with prostitutes… God damn it, to be honest I truly wish I hadn't seen it." I broke my confident character, looking at Takemura sadly. "I wouldn't be surprised if I had just gotten a fucking PTSD just from reading all of that. Your search history alone is straight up terrifying, man. Just look at this shit, clockwise rimjob, counterclockwise rimjob…"

"Well, sometimes I get nauseous feeling the tongue go only one way…" Ken mumbled like a kid caught stealing candies.

I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW IT!

Takemura was close to a meltdown, obviously suffering from humiliation brought by my words. His whole "I'm a strict scary principal" persona seemed to have evaporated completely.

I looked at him in sheer horror.

"Dammit, man, I saw "Futanari Lover" in your achievements! You fucked chicks with dicks!" My voice almost trembled. "Do you realize it? There are no chicks with dicks, only guys with tits! You basically got railed by a dude!"

My words seemed to break Takemura down completely. I was sitting there, staring at him in sheer disbelief when the grown ass man started fucking sobbing.

"Yeah, yeah I know I'm a sick man, I need help…" He wept, tears streaming down his face. "I've been like this forever. I'm perverted to my core, I know…"

"Dude, Quagmire is a holy person compared to you." I said, and closed my eyes, regaining my cool persona. "Anyway, where the fuck was I? Oh, yeah, there are two options. If you see me chilling in your office having violated school rules, it means that I saw all this crazy shit on your computer and that your wife and the whole school will see it as well."

Takemura went even paler, which I didn't think was physically possible.

"No, no, please, I'll do anything, just don't tell my family!" He started begging me, bowing his head as low as he could. "I won't be able to live with their resentment, I just won't…"

"Shut up!" I yelled at him, ceasing his begging, which started to irritate me. "And let me end."

Takemura instantly shut his mouth. He looked pitiful, with red eyes full of tears and green snots pouring out of his nose.

"There's also a second option. You didn't see me here. It means I didn't see shit, your family won't see shit, nobody will see shit. Which option do you choose?"

"Second!" Ken instantly said, nodding his head like a china doll. "I didn't see you here! In fact, I don't see you now!"

"Good, I'm glad we've come to an agreement." I said, slapping my thighs, then stood up. "Your desk is at your disposal, Kenny. I will keep the photos for now, in case you get some funny ideas. Have a good day."

The weather outside was immaculate, with not a single cloud on the blue spring sky. I stopped at the vending machine and got some MAX Coffee. Sweet and full of harmful sugar, that thing was exactly what I needed after such hard and eventful day.

Come to think of it, I managed to escape from all the problems I could have faced today — got away with slamming Yamato at the desk, haven't got caught by Hiratsuka and even successfully blackmailed the principal. Gods of romantic comedy were certainly favoring me today.

The phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and checked the notifications.

OriBFF: hi hachi)

OriBFF: wanna check that new cafe out?

Ori BFF: on saturday

I smiled. This day was getting better and better.

You: why not