EDIT 08/10/23: In response to feedback, I will be reformatting the first three chapters to make them easier to read.
A/N: This story came about largely from a thought I had while rewatching Naruto a while back: what if a Sharingan actually took full advantage of the ridiculous powers those eyes granted? In the series, we don't really see very much use of their copying power, even with Kakashi being called the Copy Ninja.
So I started writing an isekai where a fan of the series was transformed into a bastard Uchiha, but the justifications for such a character existing in-universe was just too flimsy to keep. So instead, I had them isekai'd into Sasuke's body.
ISasukai'd, if you will.
Yes, this is a blatant self-insert.
I've got quite a few chapters already written. Starts slow, but picks up and diverges from canon around the Land of Waves arc.
Where the fuck am I?
When a person wakes up and immediately has to ask that question, it typically means one of two things: they are recovering from a night of extremely heavy drinking, or something horrible has happened.
For me, it was unfortunately the latter, though not in the way one might expect. Because when I woke up in an unfamiliar room with traditional Japanese furniture and décor, my body transformed into that of a preteen boy, I soon realised that I had been isekai'd into the body of one Sasuke Uchiha.
It was probably a good thing that Sasuke lived alone in the old Uchiha district (for me, not for Sasuke's mental health), because otherwise the storm of horrified, confused cursing would most definitely have attracted undue attention. In a shinobi village, undue attention was the last thing you wanted, especially if you didn't belong there.
My memories of those first moments in this world are fuzzy, since I spent who knows how long in a state of near-catatonic panic and horror. I was a child soldier for a military dictatorship in a feudal society that was in a constant cold war with its neighbours, at a time when multiple supervillains were running around. No, the superhuman abilities granted by chakra were not sufficient compensation for this. The dysphoria didn't help, either – years of hormone therapy to fix nature's fuckup and make me comfortable in my own body, and now whatever cruel celestial entity put me here decided I would have to do it all again, assuming the ninja world even understood the concept of trans people and offered a way to deal with it.
If I ever meet whatever god or gods put me here, I'm committing deicide, I quickly decided.
I was sprawled out on the floor by the mirror when the window slid open and a fucking Anbuguy came in through it, because of course the Hokage had them watching Sasuke like a hawk. He probably expected the poor kid to either hang himself or go on a rampage one of these days.
"Uchiha-san, you are late for the academy. Is everything okay?" The man in the mask spoke perfectly professionally, no hint of emotion at all in his voice. Interestingly enough, he appeared to have some kind of hazy blue aura surrounding him. Apparently, the psychological turmoil I was barely recovering from had been enough to stir Sasuke's Sharingan into awakening. At least that was one upside of this hellish situation.
Shit, how do I deal with this? "I'm fine," I said, forcing a monotone voice. Yeah, great job, very convincing. The Anbu stiffened. It was very slight, certainly no ordinary person would have noticed, but the Sharingan made even the most minuscule of tells as clear as day. I knew I needed to do something to diffuse the situation: if he thought I was unstable, he'd have me dragged to Hiruzen, or possibly even a Yamanaka. That would not end well for me. "I apologise, Anbu-san. As you can see, I awakened my Sharingan. It has been distracting." Another slight motion in his muscles, this time a softening of his posture. It seemed he bought it.
"You cannot be late for your future sensei, Uchiha-san."
"I understand. My apologies."
"You had best be on your way." With a poof of smoke, the Anbu Body Flickered away. I took a deep breath.
Okay, so it sounds like this is the day Team 7 is formed. Thankfully, this was the one situation where being late might not be too bad. I just needed to get to the academy before Kakashi, and he would be several hours late. I quickly found Sasuke's clothes (he had literally nothing but blue and black shirts and white shorts) and left the room, only to realise something important: I had literally no idea where I was going.
Apparently whatever sent me here had at least some sense of mercy, as I seemed to have inherited some of Sasuke's knowledge. I didn't consciously know where I was going, but I quickly found that I had no issue navigating the village, as if I had lived here all my life. This gave me time to figure out how to turn off the Sharingan, both because it seemed to intimidate the villagers and because I could feel it constantly draining me of chakra, though at a minuscule rate. Speaking of chakra, being able to feel it for myself was surreal. It was always there, just beneath the surface. Barely noticeable unless I focused on it, its flow seemed to respond to my will. Picturing the flow in my mind made it easier to control, as well.
I wonder what else I can do with it? I remembered the Anbu from earlier. When he left, my Sharingan had captured the hand seal he'd made and the flow of his chakra as he initiated the Body Flicker. Grinning, I activated my Sharingan and focused on a rooftop a short distance away. How did he do it? I took a deep breath and felt my chakra moving to replicate the technique I wanted. "Shunshin no Jutsu (Body Flicker Jutsu)." I jumped, and in a fraction of a second, I moved from street level to the roof I had aimed at, even my Sharingan having difficulty seeing properly in the process. "It worked…" I admit, I had half expected it to fail, to drop me halfway there or smack me right into the building. I could feel that my chakra reserves had taken a hit from using it, but experience and age would likely mitigate that. Sasuke was still a child at this point, after all, so his endurance would need some work. I looked up and froze, seeing the Hokage Stone Faces rising up ahead. I had been too distracted to really notice them earlier, but now that they were so easily visible, I just had to stop and take them in. Hashirama. Tobirama. Hiruzen. Minato. Looking at the fourth face, I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that no one had figured out Naruto's parentage. To have the Fourth's face staring down at them every day and be too blinded by irrational hate to see the resemblance… I shook my head. I don't have time for this. Taking a moment for Sasuke's understanding of the village layout to filter in so I could figure out the best path to the academy, I once more put my hands together in the tiger seal. "Shunshin no Jutsu!"
The academy halls were empty as I showed up, near exhausted from spamming the Body Flicker. I had expected to run into at least one or two jounin sensei with their teams, but no one was there.
Please tell me I'm not Kakashi-level late. When I found the door I was looking for, I took a moment to listen, but heard nothing from the inside. Great, sounds like the other teams have all left already. Sighing, I opened the door and walked in, only to hear something shift above me. Naruto's prank! Acting quickly, I stepped to one side just in time for the eraser to land on the floor beside me. I stared at it for a moment, surprised by how quickly I had moved. Had the Sharingan been active, I wouldn't have been surprised, since I knew it dramatically enhanced the user's reaction speed. To dodge it normally, though? I hadn't realised just how good even a trainee ninja's reaction time could be. The sound of a shrill voice grabbed my attention, and I looked up at the seats to see Sakura absolutely reaming Naruto out for almost hitting me with his prank. My eyes narrowed. I forgot how bad she was. "Sakura."
"Yes, Sasuke-kun?" The way she shifted from fuming to sweet was uncanny.
"Leave Naruto be."
"But he almost hit you with that!" she complained as I picked up the eraser.
"It's not a big deal, it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't late. Now drop it." They both stared at me as I replaced it atop the door, exactly as Naruto had left it earlier, before taking a seat. Irritatingly, Sakura immediately moved to sit beside me.
"Saskue-kun, what's wrong? You're acting different, and you're never late."
"Nothing, I'm just tired from practicing a new technique." A lie, but I wasn't going to tell them I broke down in front of a mirror. "I lost track of time."
"A new technique, huh? Well I bet it's not as cool as mine, dattebayo!"
"No way, Naruto! I bet Sasuke-kun's technique is way better than whatever dumb move you came up with!" I sighed.
This is going to be a very long day.
Thankfully, I didn't have to wait that much longer after arriving for Kakashi to show up. In fact, if I hadn't copied the Body Flicker and used it to get here, he might have actually shown up before me! Naruto burst out laughing when the eraser landed on his head.
"I'm sorry, Sensei. I tried to stop him, but Naruto-"
"Sakura, I'm the one who put that thing up there, remember?" I pointed out drily.
"But Naruto set it up first! You just put it back after he tried to get you with it!" I rolled my eyes at her willingness to throw Naruto under the bus while absolving me, or rather Sasuke, completely. Kakashi watched us for a moment, taking our measure.
"Hmm… How shall I put this?" He asked himself cheerfully. "Based on my first impression, I'd have to say… I hate you all." Naruto and Sakura both looked put out by this, but I was smiling. As much as he could be a colossal dick, especially with the blatant favouritism he showed Sasuke in the series, I had always liked Kakashi. I only hoped I could be a better student to him than Sasuke would have been. "Follow me to the roof so we can get to know eachother."
It wasn't long before the three of us were sat on a bench, with our sensei leaning against the railing in front of us.
"Now, I'd like you all to introduce yourselves, one at a time. Tell us about the things you like, things you hate, dreams for the future, hobbies… Things like that."
"Help us out here, Sensei. You go first, show us how it's done," Naruto asked.
"That's right," Sakura agreed. "After all, we don't know anything about you."
"Alright then, I'm Hatake Kakashi. Things I like, things I hate… I don't feel like talking about that. My dreams for the future… Never really thought about it. My hobbies… I have lots of them. Now it's your turn, starting with you on the right."
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo! What I like is instant cup ramen, and what I like even more is when Iruka-sensei treats me to ramen at Ichiraku Ramen! I hate the three minute wait after pouring in the boiling water. And my dream is to become the greatest Hokage! Then all the villagers will have to respect me and acknowledge my existence at last." I couldn't help the pangs in my heart at that last declaration. The kid just wanted to be noticed for once, to be treated as a real person instead of a thing to be avoided. Watching it on TV or reading it in a manga were one thing, but to actually hear it spoken out loud, completely earnestly? I never liked kids, but damn, I felt awful for Naruto. "Oh, and my hobbies are pranks and practical jokes, I guess," he finished.
"Next!" Kakashi declared, and I briefly wondered what I should say. I had been thinking about this on the way here. If I was going to be stuck in Sasuke's place, I fully intended to try and change things for the better, if possible, and part of that involved simply being a better person, the kind of person Sasuke could have been if he had actually managed to deal with his trauma in a healthy way. I didn't want to go with his original speech, since I couldn't bring myself to be such a massive wanker, but I also couldn't depart from his original personality too quickly without attracting attention. No, I needed to make it look like Sasuke was having a natural change of heart to be a better person.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke," I began. "The thing I hate most is… him." Not technically a lie, but while they (Sakura and Kakashi, at least) would assume I was talking about Itachi, I was actually referring to Danzo, who I fully intended to murder the moment an opportunity presented itself. "I like spicy food and good books, and my hobbies are cooking and writing." Completely true, and doesn't make me look like a raging psychopath who can't be trusted. "My dream… Well, I guess it's more of an ambition than a dream. I will avenge my clan and protect the village so that what he did will never happen again." Almost true. I actually had no personal reason to care about avenging the Uchiha, but that's something everyone would expect Sasuke to say, and my stated desire to protect the village had nothing to do with any kind of loyalty and everything to do with the innocent people within. I had every intention of doing whatever I could to build a better system that would fulfil Jiraiya's dream of peace, and if everything went right, Naruto would be the one to help me do it. Kakashi was inscrutable on hearing my introduction, but I figured he was reevaluating me, since he probably expected a single-minded obsession with killing Itachi. Sakura, as expected, was looking at me all doe-eyed and adoring. Naruto seemed uncomfortable. "No, Naruto, the person I hate isn't you."
"Oh. Uh… Thanks?"
"And finally, the young lady," Kakashi said.
"I am Haruno Sakura. The thing I like… Or, the person I like…" She blushed and kept glancing at me, and it took actual effort to avoid showing my discomfort. "I hate… Naruto!" The blonde in question looked crestfallen, while I breathed in deep to keep from visibly showing my anger. "My hobbies…" Once again she went silent, blushed, and stared at me. I did not like the implications.
"Enough. I believe we all understand one another," announced Kakashi. "Training begins tomorrow, with a survival exercise. I'll tell you the details then."
"Wait, why not tell us now, Sensei?" Naruto asked.
"Well, if I told you now, you'd chicken out."
"Chicken out? Why?"
"Because…" Kakashi leaned in, his eye half-lidded, looking completely bored as he explained. "Of the twenty-seven members of your graduating class, only nine will actually become genin. The others will be sent back to the academy. In other words, the test you will be taking has a two-thirds failure rate." Naruto and Sakura's reactions were priceless.
"What about the graduation test!?" Naruto shouted indignantly. "We all passed!"
"The graduation test was just to figure out who had the potential to become genin, not to actually see who would." Kakashi's ability to talk total bullshit in a completely serious, deadpan way was quite impressive. "Any way, tomorrow you will come to Training Ground Three at five AM. Bring your tools and weapons, and don't eat breakfast. Otherwise, you'll puke." He stood up. "See you tomorrow!" With that, he Body Flickered away. The others got up to leave too, looking terrified.
"Wait Naruto, Sakura." They stopped.
"What is it, Sasuke-kun?"
"Ignore that last part. Make sure you eat breakfast."
"But Sensei told us not to!"
"Yeah! Are you trying to make us puke, bastard!?" I sighed.
"He's testing us. He wants to see if we're going to mindlessly do what he says, even when it doesn't make sense," I explained slowly. "If we don't eat anything, we won't have the energy to perform well on the test."
"Would Sensei really do that?" Sakura asked, concerned.
"No way Sakura, Sasuke's just trying to mess with us."
"Why would I mess with my own teammates?" I asked pointedly. "Look, if you don't believe me, don't eat. But at the very least, eat a big supper tonight. I'll be bringing extra food with me in case you change your minds." I stood up. "I'll see you both tomorrow." Before they could say anything, I Body Flickered away, heading back to the Uchiha compound to train.
Hopefully I inherited Sasuke's taijutsu skills. It'll be embarrassing if all I can do is Shunshin around like an idiot.