CHAPTER 3 - Jeff & Axeley Vs. Dark Queen and Battletoads
- Toads vs. Axeley -
Axeley runs after the toads, but the toads run away and dodge him. He tries to charge on pimple, and pimple jumps out of the way instead of trying to hold him or stop him; the toads stick to walls and sometimes to the ceiling but Axeley keeps throwing fireballs at them waving his axe.
Pimple: It's too hot. I can't get too close
Rash: Me neither!
Zitz: Alright guys I have a plan, hit where I shoot. Time for you to cool of, Axe
Zitz transforms his arm in a liquid nitrogen bazooka gun, and shoots a SnowBall of Ice on Axeley
Axeley's left flank freezes a bit and then Rash appears running fast, and punches it
Axeley: Ow!
Axeley Grabs Rash's leg with his left hand, and lifts him upside down smiling
Axeley: Lucky Hit sucker! OOOFF
Pimple hits Axeley's back running, jumping, and punching with all he's got, and then lands on his feet. Axeley was pushed forward and releases Rash, but Pimple's fist burns a little
Pimple: ow ow
Axeley: I came here to WIN!
Zitz was ready to jump from the ceiling to another position, but Axeley predicted it and put fire on the ground where Zitz landed
Zitz: NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD
Zitz hit the ground with a snowball and his feet stopped burning, his legs and feet were kinda blackish
Axeley: FIERY TIMBEEER
Lots of wooden logs were summoned behind Axeley and where being thrown horizontally on the toads. The logs where also burning on fire, spinning on the ground or being thrown upwards at walls, and lots of missiles that Axeley started to throw right away where following the toads and getting stuck on the walls and on the ground.
Rash: Time to get creative! - Rash started to chew his hands one each
Zitz: Now it's not a good time to practice kissing your hand
Rash: Coff. I know. - Rash said after releasing his mouth and leaving his fists full of bubblegum. He grabbed two of the missiles with his fists being protected by his gum glove, and trowed them on Axeley, but he blocked it cutting the small missiles in half with his huge axe.
Rash: Aw C'mon!
Zitz's snowball shots where melting on Axeley's fiery aura
Zitz: it's not working anymore? OOFF - Zitz got hit by an explosion of a missile beside him, on the wall he was sticking to, and fell on the ground close to it, putting his 2 hands on the ground, acrobatically jumping again with his hands away from danger
Rash: Holy shit there's too much stuff to dodge here! - said Rash jumping with his left leg only, after his right foot got hit by an explosion of a missile and he fell down, but luckily jumped away with his left leg only and dodged other hazards being thrown at him
Pimple: We need a new Plan! Zitz? OOFF - Pimple was crushed by a wooden log running over him like a fiery steamroller
Zitz: On with it!
Zitz was freezing Axeley's logs and missiles with his shots.
Axeley then stopped throwing missiles, ran and waved his fiery Axe crashing it on the glass walls, making very loud noises, causing fiery explosions and leaving cracks on the walls, and on the ground, hitting them strongly; but couldn't hit the toads
Axeley: Why.. *blam* you.. *crash* don't... *boom* stay... *smash* still! *kaboom*
Pimple: Why don't YOU stop this nonsense MY FRIEND?!
Axeley: I'll deal with you first, little trickster one - Axeley said pointing at Zitz
Zitz: who? me?
Pimple: Zitz look out!
Axeley threw some missiles and more huge spinning logs to distract all the toads, and then threw a wooden log on air, and used his axe like a baseball bat, hitting it diagonally upwards and cutting it. Lines of fire spread around it, dividing the log in lots of different thin bars, that went up like cannonballs and then fell on the ground in a circle around Zitz, leaving him with no exit.
Zitz: Ridiculous. - Zitz transformed his hand in a chainsaw and tried cutting the bars but the metal of his chainsaw melt - Oh... Okay.. FREEZ..
Zitz switched weapons and was about to try freezing the bars but a huge fireball fell on him like a giant drop of rain leaving his whole body and the ''cell'' completely covered on fire
Zitz: WAAAAAA - Zitz was on his knees looking at the others and couldn't move; He shot ice on the ground all around him but he was still on fire, crushed by the fireball's force
Rash: ZIIITZZ
Pimple: NO! quick RASH! Bubblegum Spit!
Pimple and rash were spitting on the fire, and ended up putting out the fire, but Zitz's body was all black and gray, and he laid on the ground facing down with a small mountain of pink bubblegum on his back
Zitz: I'm... Ooff..
Axeley jumped really high, and was falling down close to Rash and was about to hit him this time. A huge shadow of an axe in slow motion was approaching Rash on the ground from upwards
Axeley: HaaaaAAA
Time stopped, Rash looked at the camera (to the reader) and said:
Rash: Oh crap. This is gonna hurt, isn't it?
Rash looked at Axeley's direction while being smashed by his huge fiery axe on the back of his head, becoming a standing slime, being crushed like a spring until he became a huge pancake of sliced green pizza on the ground with a huge triangular cut from his forehead to the middle of his face, his glasses broke in half splitting in two pieces, showing his small blackish eyes. A pool of blood was forming on the cut on his forehead
Zitz: Ra-RAASHH
Rash: Okey.. that really hurt..
Pimple: I AM GETTING REALLY MAD AT YOU AXELEY
Axeley: BRING IT ON Toady
Pimple started to grow in size and some veins appeared on his head;
Pimple started running really fast and jumped towards Axeley, who dodged Pimple's flying left hook punch, going backwards, stepping away from Rash, but Pimple chased him in a second after landing on the ground away from Rash, and punched Axeley's right hand unexpectedly, repelling his huge axe out of Axeley's hand with a huge force; the huge axe hit a glass wall strongly making a huge noise and a crack, and got stuck to that wall. Pimple's hands and Axeley's hands contacted and they were trying to push each other, competing on strength.
Pimple: YOU. ARE NOT. STRONGER. THAN ME
Axeley: THAAT'S RIGHT! I'm Stronger than the THREE of you!
Axeley started to breath FIRE on Pimple's face burning his eyes, making him release Axeley's hands and stagger back. He stayed on his knees trying to block the flamethrower with his right arm that became a metal wall, while touching his eyes with his left hand. But his ''wall'' was melting. Pimple's size got smaller and he returned to normal, he was sweating and kind of hurt because of the heat
Pimple: AAAAAhhh...! I... Will Not...
Zitz had some bubbles on his skin, that was burning a little. He took the pain and got up, looking at Pancake-Pizza rash, who then *popped* back to normal sitting on the ground with lots of black bruises and marks on his skin, and his head had a huge open crack bleeding on his back
Rash: ..Good thing I have a very tiny brain... - Rash said sitting down but really dizzy seeing a lot of stars
Zitz: LEAVE HIM ALONE - Blackish Gray-skinned Zitz started to run and stopped close to Axeley's back, a chemical flame extinguisher barrel appeared on his back, like a backpack, with a hose connected to his hand, that turned into the extinguisher's nozzle, and then he shot Axeley, who was now all full of white cloudy material and a little wet. His Aura was put out, and the flamethrower on Pimple stopped
Axeley: What?! - Axeley looked back
Zitz: The chemical formula of this inflammable liquid you're using is a bit different, but I figured it out
Axeley: No matter how smart, you'll STILL be Smashed! - Axeley threw another fiery big wooden log with a huge force on Pimple trying to finalize him.
Pimple was recovering from the burns of the flamethrower. He angered himself as much as he could and grew in size again, and slashed that wooden log Axeley threw at him with a single right-handed gray shiny metallic hand karate chop splitting the log in two; Axeley was wide-eyed and surprised, but he tried to wave another huge wooden log torch, like a baseball bat, to hit Pimple, but Pimple held it with his two hands, even while it was on fire; Zitz jumped on the log in a safe area not on fire and crouched, turning around, shooting with his now nitrogen bazooka arm right on Axeley's only Eye; Axeley released his bat and took a few steps back putting his back hand on his eye lifting his other hands
Axeley: AaaOOoghhh
Rash was still dizzy but finally got up. He was still bleeding but took a deep breath, and glued the middle of his glasses back with a small piece of bubblegum he spit, and wore them. He looked at Axeley very serious
Rash: YOO AXEY. Get a load of THIS!
Rash started to run leaving a thin trail of blood on the ground, getting close to blinded Axeley, he jumped, his right foot grew, and he kicked Axeley's face with his giant foot wearing a giant green boot. Axeley felt the shock. His face turned a bit sideways, and one of his teeth broke and flew far.
Axeley was silent for a while, with his hands on his face - Now YOU made me MAD - Axeley said and then lifted his hands screaming while his fire aura grew covering his whole body, but it was put out by Zitz's fire extinguisher again
Zitz: Quit it already!
A huge shadow started covering the ground around Axeley: Berserked Pimple had jumped and transformed his hand on an anvil, crashing on Axeley's head, making the red hatchet on Axeley's head go down deep making a deep cut until it almost reached Axeley's eye on the front of his face
Axeley: NOOOOOOOoohhhh
Rash: ouch, that must've hurt
Axeley fell down on the ground, defeated. "I... can't... loose. This title is... all I have".
Pimple transformed back to his normal size with his eyes irritated, reddish, and hurting a little, with a hand on his blackish burned face
Pimple: Ugh... Maybe we should talk about this... You don't really NEED this title, Axeley!
Axeley fainted
Zitz: All right. Phew. We did it. Now somebody PLEASE get us out of here!?
Pimple: Wait, Zitz, your back is on Fire
Zitz: My back is on fire?! - Zitz started to use the extinguisher on himself turning around, to put out a small fiery dot on his back
Rash: Woohooo! another Victory! Fair and Square! - Rash said running with his hands up, celebrating, but leaving a long thin trail of blood behind him on the floor, the crack on his head was still open bleeding down on his back
Zitz: Your head's still bleeding idiot!
Zitz: Cover this thing already! - Zitz transformed his hand on a small band aid roll and put one big band aid on Rash's head covering it completely except for his eyes, so he stopped bleeding. - Let me fix those glasses too, give me a sec.
The livestream automatically ended. Some livestream comments: "Unbelievable (and a hundred surprised emojis)","I love Battletoads!","No! I've bet my money on Axeley and I lost!", "TOADZ RULE !"
An exit glass door automatically opened on the glass dome's wall
Pimple: Guys, the Exit!
...
- Dark Queen vs. Jeff (a while before) -
Dark Queen started making tornadoes on that big room inside the base, and trying to hit Jeff with both of them at the same time coming from right and left; Jeff Smiled. He disappeared inside the tornadoes and his spherical drones started spinning around them
Dark Queen: Very pathetic like you always are
Jeff appeared from the ground on a trapdoor on the floor behind the Queen flying upwards behind her, and shooting lightning with his hands, on her back, she fell down on the ground
Dark Queen: What in the wo-?!
Jeff: Predictable
Jeff shoot another lighting on the queen but she turned herself in a tornado that carried her upward and then she started focusing energy with her hands shooting a yellow kamehameha laser on Jeff, who made a portal on his hands, and another portal appeared behind the queen; she dodged her own laser coming from it, flying upward laying down; but the laser cut down some of her hair.
Dark Queen: yeah, that's it. Try to vaporize me. See what happens
Jeff: aren't you forgetting something?
The dozens of spherical drones spinned around the room, Jeff descended on the same trapdoor while lots of lines of lasers came out of the drones, hitting in every direction, leaving the queen with no option to dodge; She made shields around her but Jeff appeared out of the other trapdoor, in a safe space, and his armor analyzed her shield in 3.68 seconds, shooting it with a polarized laser made of the exact type of energy that could break it, and the queen was hit on her arms and abdomen by the lasers, taking an electrical shock and falling on the ground, and the lasers stopped.
Dark Queen: Ugh. You. Little.
Jeff: Don't underestimate me, Queen. Surrender now and I will make things easier
Queen's eyes started getting all white while she looked at Jeff. "Do you KNOW who I am?" - she started to float from the ground charging black-dark energy spheres on her hands
In a second, All the lights on that place were out. Only Jeff's red-eyed glasses were appearing, he was wide-eyed.
Jeff: Night vision! OOF
He took a shot from the Queen and almost fell down, but then started to see everything red with his red lenses
Jeff: I can still see you - he said while controlling his drones who were cannonballing and exploding on the ground close to were the queen was flying. A lot of smoke came up.
Jeff: Where is she ? - Jeff's sensors were looking and he saw nothing, but when the smoke was gone, he saw a hole on the ground where the queen was: on the trapdoor he used before.
A laser was shot from downward coming through the other trapdoor under Jeff, destroying it, hitting Jeff on his balls; he was ok because his armor protected him, but that really did hurt
Jeff: AAAGhhh
He held his parts with his hands, and then the Queen quickly flew up behind Jeff and took off his armor's battery supply on his back. He started falling down, and the armor automatically ejected him. He fell on the ground with a normal dark blue sports jumpsuit and dark blue socks on his feet. The lights came on again
Dark Queen: And this is why I don't buy my supervillain gear online. What an amateur... What are you without your armor now?
Jeff: And what are you without your powers? Jeff said as 2 big antennas emerged on the wall beside them and started to emit a frequency of energy waves that made the Queen fall down on the ground
Dark Queen: I'm gonna have your head with that Big brain of yours for this!
Jeff: Oh yeah!?
Dark Queen ran and tried to slap Jeff on his face and he did the same with her. They were fighting ridiculously switching slaps on each other 'till Jeff held Queen's Arms and she bit his arms, and kicked him while he pulled her hair grabbing her
Zitz: Queen! we're free! uhh..
Dark Queen: Toads!?
The toads were eye-widened seeing Jeff and Queen ferociously fighting so low. Dark Queen and Jeff were so ashamed, that they both stopped fighting and got separated from each other after being surprised by the Toads.
Jeff: Axeley failed. All right. I give up. You can vaporize me now
Pimple: WAIT, no one needs to be vaporized!
Dark Queen: With pleasure. Wait. Is this another trick?
Jeff: No.. - Said Jeff with his hand on his back.
Dark Queen: Then what's this device on your back?
Pimple: STOP. Just STOP This. Look at your faces
Queen's hair was all messy, her purple uniform was kinda burned and gray, she had a lot of red marks on her face and some scars. And Jeff was full of purple marks on his light blue face and on his body. His arm was bitten with a red mark, he had some red scars around his arms and legs too
Pimple: Jeff, you're a diplomat. You NEVER use violence as a solution!
Jeff: WELL but THAT was BEFORE HER
Dark Queen: No need to thank me, then? - she said sarcastically
Pimple: I know you're mad about what we did. But we're really sorry! The Queen is a new Person now that she was in power. She spent 26 years alone in an abandoned radioactive carnival factory creating monsters.. she would always want to punish others. But since she tasted what being loved was like, after we gave her credit for defeating the Topians, she is a new Person!
Dark Queen: Not that Jeff Cares about any of this!
Jeff: Is this true? Are you trying to fool me? Why are you not trying to kill me?
Zitz: Because.. you were right Jeffrey. We were.. well.. not good. And we promise to never do that again
Rash: But what about the anti hero stuff? OW
Pimple Slapped Rash on his back.
Rash: Okay, we are still troublemaker heroes but we promise to try to always not kill anyone who's innocent
Pimple: Let's make a deal. Queen, you have to promise to never hurt Jeff again. And Jeff will do the same and promise to never try to get you out of your throne
Axeley ended up awake, he was crawling close to them and heard this part of the conversation
Dark Queen: So you think all of this could be solved like this!? in Peace!? Just because we would want to?
Pimple: Yes. The name is: forgiving. Try it sometime
Dark Queen: But what about punishing people who did bad things to you?
Pimple: That's exactly what Jefferey was trying to do. We were assholes with him
Dark Queen: ...
Jeff: Finally someone reasonable.
Everyone was silent for some seconds
Dark Queen: Jeff.
Jeff: what?
Dark Queen: I'm Sorry. Okay ?
Rash and Zits were shocked
Rash: The DARK QUEEN said ''SORRY" !?
Jeff was paralyzed. He never thought he would see the Dark Queen do something like that. His broken heart and hate-filled brain with thoughts about how that woman was horrible suddenly were finally changing a bit and he took a deep breath and returned to his old self
Jeff: .. I... I still tried to save the whole galaxy from your evilness anyway. I was even heroic. Aren't you gonna give me any credit? - Jeff started to laugh a bit, nervous
Dark Queen: You know.. I probably would have done the same. But in a more evil way. Your plan was greatly executed by the way
Rash: You rock man. Seriously, I'm impressed. Let's do this again sometime!
NO! - Everyone screamed together
Rash: okay... okay, Sheesh
Zitz: And don't forget to erase those videos incriminating us
Jeff: Fine. But just because you saved the galaxy from the Topians.
Jeff showed the hologram screen with the video and showed the videos being deleted
Jeff and the Queen dusted off their clothes
Rash: So.. let me get this straight. When Pimple freaks out, "snaps", he turns into a Berserker. But when Jeff "snaps", he turns into Megamind ?!
Zitz: I think it's because they're always too nice
Rash: Stop Being Nice Guys! I always say what I want. I never Snap.
Pimple: Nothing is scarier than the anger of a good man. We can become murderers if we don't control ourselves
Jeff: Wise..
Pimple: And now, you have to shake hands.
Jeff: you're starting to look like me. Ugh.
Dark Queen: whatever.
Dark Queen and Jeff shook hands and looked away from each other's faces with a little shame and disgust
Axeley: Now THAT was something I was NOT expecting!
Zitz: All right. All right. Now I'm gonna pilot that spaceship over there. Please give me the wi-fi password
Everyone flew all the way to Jercury Nine, where the Toads' real ship was parked in front of Jeff's Palace. Everyone got out of the ship. An ambulance was called to take Axeley away
Axeley: I'm sorry for trying to kill you. I was punishing you for your crimes.
Zitz: Don't Worry. it's okay. agh - Zitz's skin was still dark gray and burned
Rash: Yo Axeley, next time you wanna fight, without trying to kill us, just call us man! - Rash said smiling confident
Pimple: Please don't
Axeley: You were always my most formidable opponents. See you in the Olympic games or in the next fistival, Toads. If there will ever be another one..
Zitz: do you really need to want to win against 3 opponents at the same time?
Axeley: I always win against one. It's more fun like that
Pimple: If being a champion is not good enough for you.. you should find a new path
Close to them, Jeff and Dark Queen were watching them
Dark Queen: So... stupid. They are always like that. Stupid, Stupid.
Jeff: I kind of agree. But they are nice. So.. I wish you luck on your ruling... No hard feelings?
Dark Queen: No hard feelings. Wish you luck too. Maybe I can still need your help someday. Goodbye Jeffrey
Dark Queen entered the Toads' ship, and they did the same, waving goodbye. They didn't want to go to any hospital
The ambulance transformed into a spaceship and took Axeley away, and Jeff was taken with him, cuz He had some superficial wounds
When it was all over, Jeff and Axeley went home on the same day cuz Jeff used his money so that Axeley and him were taken as fast as possible to the best hospital possible on another planet. And then they came back
Jeff and Axeley were now inside Jeff's palace house, on the couch like before but with bandages on their wounds and still a bit hurt. Axeley's head was all covered with round white bandages on its top
Axeley: ...you know what's funny man? I just remembered something
Jeff: What?
Axeley: If it weren't for the toads, YOU would have to fight me for the medallion.
Jeff: I would probably find another way around this..
Axeley: There was not going to be another way. Lumberjack law was clear: the medallion has to be won in a fight. And you would never defeat me
Jeff: I got close to defeating the Dark Queen. So.. maybe?
Axeley: Never! Even with all your tricks!
Jeff: Just kidding, haha
Axeley and Jeff laughed a bit.
Axeley: well.. it's another Sweet war day
Jeff: Don't even remember me. I'm gonna depart from this planet this week
Axeley: So... is this a Goodbye?
Jeff: Yeah. But we'll see each other again.. sometime.
...
Axeley: So.. wanna play cattletoads?
Jeff: Let's go
...
After some hours, They were watching TV
Jeff: I kind of had fun these days
Axeley: Me too, it was awesome, too bad I didn't win.
Jeff: What are you gonna do now?
Axeley: That Pimple guy was right. I need a new purpose. I decided that I will fight on the Lumberjack side and end this war by winning it with them
Jeff: pretty heroic of you. I still wish this war would end in another way, but you have my full support
Axeley: weren't you gonna leave?
Jeff: I've been thinking, and, I wanna stay here, if possible
Axeley: In the middle of the war? why?
Jeff: Only if you want it. Because... well... because...
After a few seconds, Jeff said
Jeff: Because I love you Axeley
Jeff took out some metallic saw-flowers from the side of the couch and offered them to Axeley. Axeley was a bit surprised and paralyzed for some seconds
Axeley: ...Bro, wait... I don't... I Never thought...
Jeff: I understand if we can't be friends anymore after this
Axeley: ..Well, I...
Axeley looked down and away really worried and thinking
Jeff: Is it that hard to just say "NO" to me?
Axeley: ... well. I kind of like you too. But...my fans, wouldn't approve this
Jeff: ...This is just a fanfiction anyway. The great Axeley is finally afraid of something, huh?
Axeley: You know what, I don't care
Jeff and Axeley kissed each other
Their relationship was kept a secret at first. But their best revenge was being happy together
The End
EXTREMELY HOMOSEXUAL GAY ENDING
...
...
Just kidding. This exact scene up here happened only in Jeff's mind.
But in reality, it didn't happen. After some seconds of silence, after looking at the metallic saw-flowers, Axeley Answered:
Axeley: ...Sorry man, but... I don't feel the same. I don't like men. Hope you're ok with this.
Jeff: Chances were low anyway... I'm sorry. - he said putting the flowers away back
Axeley: It's ok... It happens... - Axeley almost laughed, really embarrassed
Jeff: well, I think I'll never see you again
Axeley: No worries. We can still be friends. Deal?
Jeff: Fine by me... - Jeff was kinda down but smiled anyway
Axeley: By the way, the ''flowers of pain'' were actually my favorite flowers. They're known in our culture. But How did you knew that man?
Jeff: You wear them all the time
Axeley: Oh yeah..
Axeley didn't tell to other lumberjacks that Jeff ''really liked'' him, because Jeff asked him to keep it as a secret. Axeley wasn't living with Jeff anymore, because it would be weird. But on the day Jeff left on his spaceship, Axeley visited him to say goodbye. A lot of lumberjacks greeted Jeff with a surprise goodbye party before he left. That party won't be described here but it kinda looked like Sonic's Birthday party on Sonic Generations. Then, after the party, Jeff finally left the planet
Axeley: Everything we did was Epic! You were still my best roommate! (and my last one..) come to visit always!
Jeff: I will. See ya
Jeff was on his own again. Like always, ready to travel to another planet, and continue doing his job, on his original home planet where he works. Maybe he'll travel to other places. He's already on his computer meeting online with important people. But on the other day, he starts his vacations, and reaches out to his online friends and his family
The End