Chapter 6:
The Big Slip

The next morning, things seemed to be back to…well, relative normality, and everyone was headed to school.

The students in the courtyard were all greeting each other and talking amongst themselves, when two of the girls ran over to Akane.

"Is it true?" one of them asked. "You're subbing in the rhythmic gymnastics match?"

"That's right ," nodded Akane.

"Awesome!" said another girl. "Good luck, I hope you win!"

Akane gave a thumbs-up. "Just leave it to—" she stopped, as if sensing something.

Bloodlust!

"AKANE TENDO!" screamed Kodachi, coming from the sky and wielding a kendo sword. "THE TIME IS NOW!"

Fortunately, Akane whirled around and caught the blade before it could make contact. "You again!" she snapped. "Ambushing me first thing in the morning? What, do you make a habit of being a pain in the ass?"

"I was doing no such thing!" Kodachi balked, as if she'd never heard this sort of talk before. "I merely came up to say hello—to my dearest Lord Ranma!"

"Then WHY bother coming after me?" hissed Akane, bending the sword like it was a catapult. "DO I LOOK LIKE HIS KEEPER?!"

And like any catapult, the sword sprang forward—TWANNNG!—launching Kodachi into the air, where she cannonballed and landed on her feet, before sprinting towards the dark-haired boy. "Please, wait for me, Lord Ranma!" she called.

"Nope, nope, nope," Ranma remarked quickly. "Ken, we're cuttin' outta this scene."

"You took the words right out of my mouth!" Kenma replied as they both broke into a run.

Of course, in their path happened to be one Tatewaki Kuno, clutching a bouquet of flowers.

Ah, my beloved Akane—I can picture her so clearly, in all her gymnastic grace… thought Kuno, once again proving he has a fantasy life as rich as he is. These red roses shall speak my encouragement.

"OH, MY DEAREST AKANE TENDO! HOW I LOVE HER!" he shouted, swinging his bokken with the other hand, and nearly taking Ranma's head off. "...as well as her magnificent figure."

Of course, he was cut off by a kick from Kenma. "Quit swingin' that thing around!" the monkey-boy remarked. "You're liable to hurt somebody this way!"

"...Ranma Saotome…" grunted Kuno as he grabbed the blue-clad boy. "What grudge do you bear against me?"

"First off, that's the wrong Saotome," retorted Kenma. "And second, do you want the short version, or the special extended version with behind-the-scenes and bonus features, including but not limited to, director's commentary?"

"Third, you just attacked me out of no—" Ranma began, but was cut off by Kodachi suddenly glomping on him.

"Ran-ma…dar-ling…" she purred, rubbing gently against him, despite the fact it was making Ranma very uncomfortable.

Kenma immediately grabbed her shoulders before he tried to pry her off his brother, but the bitch hung on like Joe Velcro.

Kuno glanced over the two of them. "I see…" he mused, before he clapped Ranma on the back. "Very well!"

"'Very well' what?" asked Ranma.

"I approve, and shall permit you to date her," replied Kuno.

"Oh! My liege, I'm so happy~!" the gymnast said as she hugged Ranma closely.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pump the brakes, stop the presses!" Ranma snapped. "There's no way I would date someone as crazy as you!"

And then, Kodachi did the most devious, underhanded, two-faced thing she could think of…

.

.

…she started crying. The guilt trip.

"SO, YOU HATE ME?! IS THAT IT?!" she erupted, backing Ranma into a corner.

Ranma put his hands up. "I mean, it's not so much that I hate you, more that you terrify me beyond all reason…" he began, before sprinting over to Akane. "...but, I do have a fiancée!"

Akane raised a brow. "Ex-cuse me?" she muttered.

"What, you think I want anything to do with that nutbar?" Ranma replied. "Bitch tried to force herself on me! Imagine what she'd do if I said I hated her!"

Akane raised a finger…but then lowered it. She couldn't deny that it was a pretty good point.

At once, the tears dried up and Kodachi surveyed the situation. "Is that right…?" she mused. "What do you say we wager, then? Whoever wins in the gymnastics competition shall claim Ranma?"

"Say what now?" Ranma asked, bewildered.

"I beg your pardon?" Kenma added.

"I guess that removes all doubt!" Akane sputtered. "You ARE crazy!"

But then, Kuno placed a hand on her shoulder. "I think it a fine idea, Akane—simply lose, and thou shalt be freed of Ranma!" he declared…seconds before Akane grabbed his hand and began to crush it in her grasp.

"Remember when I told you being stupid would start to hurt…?" she grunted.

Kodachi just chortled. "She needn't worry about throwing the match…the beating I intend to give her shall be punishment enough!" she remarked, popping another rose between her lips. "And to you, my beloved Lord Ranma—once I have seized victory, you shall be mine!"

"Farewell~!"

And so she drew her ribbon, and swirled it, sending up a flurry of black rose petals. As she did, she bounded away, cackling like a lunatic.

"...geez…this bitch just never gets any less crazy…" muttered Kenma.

"Truly, that girl is a deviant, no better than a rampant pervert…" Kuno mused. "...but even so, Ranma Saotome, take care of my little sister."

Slowly, Ranma turned his head to face the wannabe samurai. "...what the hell did you just say?" he asked calmly.

"I said, take care of my little blister—er, sister," Kuno replied. "Even though I am her brother, I have to admire her for being so wicked…so nasty, so spiteful…and so thoroughly twisted."

He handed the bouquet to Akane. "Please, Akane…refrain from getting hurt during the match," he told her. "My sister is not one for that which most would consider 'fair play'. She will do whatever it takes to win, and when she locks onto a man, she positively refuses to let go."

And with that, Kuno walked away, leaving the three by themselves.

"...there is a sorta resemblance…" Akane muttered.

"...and here I thought that was just a bad dream…" Kenma winced.

TIME PASSES, AND SO WE COME TO THE NIGHT BEFORE THE MATCH…

Akane lifted the clubs skyward, and slammed them down, narrowly missing Ranma as she did. Then she swung at him, as he leapt out of the way. Next, she began jabbing at him, while he ducked and dodged.

"Would you sit still and let me practice on you?" shouted Akane.

"I never said I'd let you beat me up," said Ranma. "That'd just give you false confidence, and then you'd be unbearable to live with."

"Meanwhile, I am simply observing," Kenma added. "And making sure you've got the right stuff."

"Well, I need a partner to really get it down," said Akane. "After all, in martial-arts rhythmic gymnastics, you need someone else to pair up with. And Ryoga hasn't been around for the last couple of days. I was really counting on him."

"And that's your second mistake," remarked Ranma as he dropped from the ceiling. "Thinking you could rely on him to be on time for anything."

Kenma shrugged. "'Fraid big bro is right," he replied. "As…determined as Ryoga is, he isn't what you'd call reliable."

At that, Wilbur suddenly came inside, with some parcels on his back, getting everyone's attention.

"Hm? What's this?" asked Akane.

"Hey, Pork Delivery," joked Ranma. "I thought I sent away for this months ago!"

Kenma plucked one of the boxes off his back. "Maple leaf manju, and unbaked yatsuhashi?" he commented. "Hey, this stuff's from Hiroshima and Kyoto!" he picked up the piglet. "Well, haven't you been a busy little bee!"

The piglet's face went flush.

"So where were you tryin' to go, Wilbur?" asked Ranma. "I say this 'cuz I know your sense of direction sucks~"

The piglet fumed as he turned to Ranma and bit his finger.

"What are you talking about?" asked Akane. "It's not like he's Ryoga…"

Kenma was about to speak up…but thought it better to keep quiet for now.

Seconds later, Ranma had hog-tied Wilbur in the ribbon. "OK, time for practice," he said.

"I already told you, don't pick on him!" Akane said, untying the ribbon. Once it was done, she placed him to the side and got to her feet. "Finally motivated to help, huh?" she asked, seeing Ranma clutching a hoop.

"Sure," replied Ranma. "Because I am not getting latched to that cackling nutcase."

"Okay then, here I go!" Akane declared as she grabbed the clubs and began jabbing, swinging at Ranma who darted and dodged with each attack. Ranma swung the hoop at her, but she leapt out of the way, before landing on the ground and pulling up the ribbon, which she started swinging as she charged at him.

Kenma's eyes went to where she was running. "AKANE!" he called. "LOOK OUT!"

Akane only heard the warning a second before her foot stepped onto the ball…

ZWIP~!
KER-RASH!

And down she went.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Kasumi finished tying on the bandages around Akane's foot. "There we go," she said.

Nabiki was seated nearby. "You are such a klutz, Akane," she remarked. "I mean, Kenma tried to warn you, and you heard it too late."

"Sadly, you'll have to withdraw from tomorrow's match," said Kasumi.

"Are you nuts, Kasumi? I'm still going to fight!" Akane declared, clenching her fist. "There's no way I'll let Kodachi win!"

As she stepped off the bed, Kasumi put up her hand to stop her sister. "Be careful, Akane!" she urged. "Don't put too much weight on that foot!"

But the second she touched the floor, pain shot through her body.

"Looks like you don't have a choice," commented Kenma. "You're gonna have to either find a sub or quit altogether."

"Easy for you to say," replied Akane. "What other girl is nimble, in great shape, and knows martial arts?"

Kenma put his hands up. "Hey, don't look at me," he said. "I've never turned into a girl before."

And then, everyone turned to face Ranma. Of course, he took much less time to pick up on their thoughts.

"Whoa! For-get it!" he said, putting his hands up. "No way I'm gonna be a girl and dress up in a leotard! That's all I gotta say, and it's my final word on—"

KER-SPLOOOSH!

Seconds later, Ranma found herself soaking wet, a size smaller, and a foot shorter.

Ryoga clapped a hand around her shoulder. "Looks like we'll be up all night practicing, won't we?" he asked.

Ranma glared at him. "...you're the devil," she retorted.