A small camp, similar to old lookout landing, has been set up near the portal exit, buzzing with guards and researchers. Link was greeted warmly when he returned; everyone was eager to learn what this was. Then, the rest of the exiles came through, perplexing and intriguing the Hyruleans. Of course it was no time for chit-chat as the Kiraist Japanese were still behind them. Link ordered that no one else be let through the portal right now. A lone Kiraist nervously reached their hand through the portal, which was yoinked by Link, scaring the shit out of those on the other side. Link then peeks through the portal and is immediately under fire, but he successfully deflects the bullets with his shield. Then, he fires bomb arrows above them from a 5x Lynel bow and stuns them with a dazzlefruit flash bang, a perfect example of Link's shock and awe doctrine. The first POWs have been taken.
A sturdy, small, locked structure was built around the portal exit to control its passage, and the refugees were taken to the castle to meet Queen Zelda and establish relations. Link recounts his perspective of events to Zelda.
"Bruh, I think I've gotten involved with some local…"
"For the last time would you please speak more formally, especially since we have guests. Sure they can't understand us, but they will soon," interrupted Zelda.
"Nah," said Link. Zelda sighed.
"Very well then." she conceded.
"Anyways, like I was saying there's some violent conflict over something in that other world, and I may have gotten a tad involved."
"The fuck did you do?"
"I only acted defensively and didn't kill anyone, but some of the people I helped escape seem to be important," explained Link.
"Our first priority is to learn their language, then we will hear their side of the story. Then, we will contact the other people and hear their side, and finally, if possible, we will send our guys as neutral observers. We will decide what to do from there once we have the full picture," proclaimed Zelda.
As it spreads, the news of the round-eared Hytopian-like extradimensional aliens captures the national consciousness. The people are both excited at this new discovery, as well as reasonably worried. Historically, Link adventuring into new lands usually coincides with new tyrants and wars of liberation. Zelda recruits Hyrule's top linguists to understand English and Japanese. Luckily, the revitalized Hyrulean economy can easily accommodate these new people, and by Hyrulean economy, I mean Link single-handedly constructs 38 homes in a day. "Heeellooo, I made you this house," said Link in Hylian. L stood there stunned as he watched a building materialize in front of him, out of seemingly nowhere. "They can do this, yet they still seem to be using metal spears? How peculiar…" thought L. Link manhandled L into the building, and then gestured around in a way that implies L should settle in here. L goes to sit down to process the day's events.
"Am I dead?" wondered L. "It felt like I died, and now I'm in another dimension that used seemingly magic powers to generate me a house. Maybe this is heaven? I can't have died though, I remember my survival is what led Light down the warpath. I know the human brain always tries tonot think about death, lest we go mad, so perhaps imagining a constructed scenario in which you lived is part of the after-death experience? It was awfully convenient that this elf person saved me; could they've been an angel? I don't know if I want this to be real. If it is then it means all my friends are gone, and Light really was Kira all this time, even when I knew but no one else believed me. I can't keep thinking about this. I need to sleep." After staring blankly at a wall and forgetting to breathe for 30 seconds, L got up and walked over to the bed. "OW FUCK MY BACK GYAH!" He collapsed into his bed and cried himself to sleep.
It was not too long after, when he awoke to loud banging and crashing. "S-Santa?" he mumbled. "Wait, what's all this wetness around my- oh yeah, that dream was uh- interesting," L thought to himself. "I don't even know if they're a boy or a girl or even a-uh-uh in-between. (or whatever it's called) Why would I- oh, hi," L said softly. "I found a pain reduction plant and cooked it up into this elixir," said Link. "Sorry it took so long, I've never needed to have one, so I had to learn what plant could cause that effect." L took a sip of the drink. Link, as per usual for him, proceeded to move erratically around the space, even crouch-spinning on L's face. "Oh there's a bulge. Guess that means I'm a queer." Link then fecked-off to eat rocks and continue the Korok Space Program against Zelda's wishes. (It's what those little assholes get for wasting Link's time having to run around Hyrule searching for their literal shit in order to expand his inventory during A NATIONAL CRISIS LIKE JUST DO IT FOR FREE THE FUCKING WORLD IS IN DANGER)
The following morning the Earthlings convened to establish a sort of government-in-exile. L was voted to be provisional speaker of the United Nations-in-exile. Everyday he would be the main person to go to the castle to meet with Zelda and the Hyrulean linguists to exchange languages. No need to reexplain what you already know, so we shall time skip ahead three weeks. After this amount of time both sides are relatively informed about the other, and L's, as well as the other Earthlings, existential crisis dwindles. Link constructs Hyrule's very first portal control room from the schematic of the portal control room he saves earlier. Now, with direction from L they also built a basic power plant. L is even appointed as Hyrule's official head of industrial development as he guides Hyrule through the unfamiliar territory of industrialization.
"I see you already have private automobiles, but you can move people and goods more efficiently with what we call trains. Cars take up a lot of space, and, while they are good for individual exploration, are extremely inefficient for moving lots of people between set points. Most people only need to go from their home, to work, and to the shops, so while there should be basic roads to allow anyone with a car to get anywhere, those roads should take a backseat to trains. In my country, the United States of America and in many others, we made this mistake, and it cost us so much fuel, money, time, and even mental health as millions have to commute over an hour everyday in congested traffic. A train instead is a vehicle that travels on between set path, like the rails you already have in Eldin, and at set times. They also are many vehicles strung together for increased capacity, which it means only the front part needs power," explains L. He pulls up images of trains on the computer that was generated with the portal room. For Link, it finally clicks in his brain how these things work, and he immediately lights up with joy. To an external observer Link looks even happier than when he first pulled the Master Sword or even after defeating Ganon and Ganondorf. (He's not, he's just more expressive at the thought of trains.) Link gleefully builds an entire rail network and trains in two days.
In other news, Zelda attempts to contact the Kiraists and other neutral nations via the internet. She was already horrified at L's explanation, but, as they were human, the Kiraists couldn't be that bad. Perhaps Zelda could mediate peace talks? In just a few hours that optimism for a peaceful resolution was shattered. "Unbelievable! How can an entire group of people display such cruelty toward others? While I can understand how an individual or a small group might turn against their fellow humans in pursuit of personal gain, or how someone raised under a doctrine of abhorrent beliefs—such as with the Yiga Clan—might adopt such views, I cannot comprehend how total strangers could willingly align themselves with such malevolence. What's even more troubling is that they act not for personal benefit but for an ideology. Sacrificing yourself for a greater cause should be admirable, but somehow they make it not. I understand that the criminals in your world have committed acts far worse than those in ours, but that does not justify wholesale execution. They remain human beings, and there's always the risk of harming innocent people in the process. Perhaps this phenomenon stems from the challenges of managing a much larger population. Regardless, we must take swift and decisive action to intervene." - Queen Zelda on the Kiraist coup of Japan.
"Link, I have a special quest for you. L has proved indispensable to our cause, but is being heavily targeted by Light. Apparently Kira Light only needs to imagine a person and write their name in his notebook to kill them. We do not know if fairies work against this or if one can be killed through portals, so this w-"
"Fairies work," interrupted Link. "Saved L with one when we met."
"Oh, ok. That's good. I was going to say this would be a very dangerous mission, but now it will be much safer. Anyway, we need to prevent Light from learning our names, starting with L's. You are to travel with him to his hometown of Fairplay to find and destroy his personal documents at his old orphanage and the South Park School for the Gifted. You should ideally come up with a code name for yourself," explained Zelda.
"Ooo, I'll be rock cause I like to eat rocks."
"Link please no."
"How about Grognak the Destroyer: Attorney at Law M.D… nah too long."
"You are a fucking enigma, dear Hylia."
"EUREKA! I SHALL BE CALLED KIWI!" exclaimed Link cheerfully.
"K-kiwi?"
"YES! It means lots of things: a bird, a fruit, and a nationality. L told be all about it. The bad guys will be so confused. Am I a fruit, a bird, or just some New Zealander? They'll never know! Cough-cough -too much… speak -gah!"
"Ok then, Kiwi, L is waiting for you at the portal. We have set the coordinates to just outside of Fairplay which is in the neutral country of the United States. Be prepared for anything," warned Zelda.
Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom! "Kuwahara Ayame, Kita Yumi, Sullivan Schnider, Hino Naoki… there goes their last mechanized division! Good we found those hospital records," said Light, pleased.
"About that sir, while 50% of that division should have died from the Death Note, reports have come in that only 17% were killed by it. Seems the resistance is only getting better at hiding their names. We can only estimate how bad the issue would get for us when we invade other nations," Masahiko Kõmura, defense of Minister of Kirate of Japan, reported.
"Well, there is one thing I thought of, but without Ryuk it's not going to be possible unless I somehow access the Shinigami realm myself." said Kira Light of Japan.
"I wanted to enlist my most loyal followers into an elite team of spies who will all take the Shinigami eye deal. They would then learn the true names of any of my enemies and send it to me to write down."
"Ah Kiwi, you've arrived. You ready to go back to my planet?" asked L. Link nods. "Very well." They walked through the portal and find themselves high in the Rocky Mountains, 20 miles south of Fairplay. "Let's make this quick; don't need people finding this practical beacon of a portal exit," warned L. Link summons his trusty two-fan-one-control-stick flying machine. "Do you have a road vehicle? This is too conspicuous." Link nods and summons a non-road legal ATV-like vehicle. L shrugs and says, "Eh." They climb aboard, L holding on tightly to Link, and set off north-east until they reach Route 285 in which they shall turn left to head due north. They safely cross into Park county until they come upon a large town.
"Huh, there shouldn't be a town here. Closest one should be Antero Junction, but that place has been abandoned for over a century now!" questioned L.
"Maybe we time traveled?" suggested Link.
"No, those buildings look way too modern, and Antero never got that big. Hopefully we're just lost."
"Let's ask around!"
"Ok, but let's not drive into town on this. It ain't exactly street legal."
"K."
The couple, uh I mean adventurers, reach a three-way junction where Avenue de los Mexicanos branches off from Route 285. The first house is quite run-down with beer bottles littering the yard.
"We should get to the other side of that railroad. This is the kinda place you'd get shanked," explained L.
"Someone would want to kill us for walking by?" asked Link, alarmed.
"Unfortunately, yes"
"I guess I can see how the Kiraist movement was able to gain such traction."
"Well, the Norwegians proved that almost anyone can be redeemed. Such criminal acts usually arise from a toxic combination of social, economic, and psychological factors."
"Wut."
"Um, put simply, I guess that such high populations and lack of perfect leadership results in many people being neglected by society."
"Oh, ok, that makes sense. Oh look, some kid is playing outside by that brown house. Let's ask them where we are." They approach the child.
"Oh hiya fellers! Haven't seen you guys around 'ere. My name's Butters!"
"Nice to meet you, Butters! I am Ryuzaki, and this is Kiwi. I believe we have gotten lost. Do you mind telling us where we are?" asked L.
"Oh, uh, nice to meet y'all too! This here is South Park!"
"Um, we know we are in southern Park County. We'd like to know the town name. We're trying to get to Fairplay."
"This town is called South Park." Butters begins to back away slowly, worried they might be on something, like how he saw on TV.
Butters's dad saw him talking to strangers and was pissed.
"BUTTERS!"
"AH! No! I'm sorry I didn't mean to, uh, what I did!" pleaded Butters.
"You know you can never talk to strange adults in case they call CPS and take you away! Now get your ass back here so I can make it red!" yelled Stephen Stotch.
"Ok, ok, I'm coming *sniff*" cried Butters.
"Aw hell naw, what the fuck!?" Link exclaimed in Hylian. "That's surely illegal! We need to stop him!" Link said to L in English.
"I want to help, but this is supposed to be a secret mission," reasoned L. "Also, spanking your child is legal in the United States, so there's nothing we-"
Butters cried out loudly as his dad beat the crap out of him. His mother joined in to scold him.
"This the third time this week you have disobeyed our orders! After five more minutes of this you're grounded for one month with no dinner! I have no idea what has gotten into you lately!" yelled Linda Stotch.
"Hold on wait, what are they doing in there! That sounds horrible and definitely something I can stop!" said L, disgusted. Link grabbed his arm and charged toward the house.
"Gegen Tyrannen! Urah!"
He barges through the door and orders him to stop.
"Absolutely not! Who do you think you are telling us how to raise our kids," Stephen complained.
"You better get out of here before I call the cops!" added Linda.
L nodded toward Link, signaling him to tackle Stephen to the ground. As soon as he is free from his father's grasp, Butters bolts upstairs to his room where Cartman is waiting. Linda retreats and calls the cops on her cellphone. L pulls out his badge (with a fake name ofc) and declared, "I'm placing you under arrest for child abuse!" After Link ties up the dad, L whispers to Link, "I'm conflicted. On the one hand, the legal thing to do would be to call the local authorities, but that could blow our cover. On the other hand, we could illegally take them back to Hyrule and have them tried there."
"Don't worry, I'll protect you from whatever unintended consequences this may have," Link assured L.
"It's not necessarily getting physically attacked that's the problem, but Light getting alerted to our location," explained L. Linda gets off the phone.
"Ha! Police are on their way right now, dingusi! Was it worth it? Did tying up my husband satisfy your sick desires!" projected Linda.
"I guess she decided for us," said Link as he finished tightening the final knot.
"Have you also beaten Butters before ma'am?" asked L.
"Of course I have. I'm actually a good parent and not one of those wokies that refuse to discipline their child even as they run amok and reign havoc!" justified Linda.
"Her too then?" Link asked.
"Affirmative," L confirmed.
Up in Butters's room, Cartman, who came in through the window, chastises him.
"BUTTERS! You were supposed to have it done before I arrived, and you're still fucking about?" yelled Cartman.
"Oh hamburgers! I- I- there- my parents- and- and-" stammered Butters.
Hearing the commotion, L runs upstairs with Link going to follow behind him as soon as he finishes tying up Linda.
"Hey kid, what are you doing here? We're having an emergency right now. I'm sure tha-" L say firmly to Cartman, who responds by punching him in the balls and saying, "Don't care, fag. Butters is coming with me."
"N- No! Fu- fuck you Eric I'm not going. Yeah!" said Butters, proudly.
"Uh, Yes you are. I'm this close to finally making Kahl my slave, and you're not going to fuck this up!" yells Cartman as he pulls out a Glock.
"Oh shit," L exclaimed, still on the floor, incapacitated from the pain.
"Link, get up here right now!" Butters surrenders and lets Cartman grab hold of him and climb back out the window. Link uses Ascend and comes up through the floor, now facing off against Cartman. In the distance, sirens began to fade in.
"Oh crap, cops!" Cartman says, panicked. He fires a couple suppressing shots and jumps off the side of the building, using Butters to break his fall. Link follows suit.
Link lands near Cartman and attempts to pry Butters from him.
Chapter Two is currently unfinished. Also, if you find any grammatical errors, please let me know.