Michael Corner and The Dominant Species

'Can't you do anything about this?' said Dad, using his shoe to scratch a line in the dustbowl that was his lawn. It had been dry for months and there was no prospect of a respite. Some people might have called the summer weather 'glorious', but they were not gardeners.

'Like what?' I said. 'I can't just conjure rain. It has to come from somewhere and if I brought it over from Holland the Dutch would object.'

'There must be moisture in the atmosphere,' he said vaguely.

'Not enough,' I said. 'Or it would be raining already, and if I created a raincloud just to fit this garden the Ministry would have a fit and I would lose my licence to practice.'

'I didn't think you needed a licence,' he said. 'I though you just did it. That's what you went to that weird school for.'

'My Licence to Practice in the Public Domain,' I said. 'Michael Corner LPPD. It's what I do. The Ministry would come down on me like a ton of hard square things if I abused it.'

I'm not a very dutiful son, unlike my brother. I don't often come up to Thirsk, where Dad used to be a professor of Economics at the university and where he and Mum still live in his retirement. He is entirely Mundane, but Mum is a witch. Dave had too little magic to get into 'that weird school' but he is very good at working out the odds of horses winning races, which looks a lot like Divination to me. He runs a bookmaker's in York, so he is much more dutiful than I am. He's more on the spot.

I don't often come up to Yorkshire, except for Christmas and major birthdays, and it was the day after Dad's sixty fifth.

'What happened with that nice French girl you were with for so long?' asked Mum. 'Michelle. We had high hopes, there.'

I shrugged. The memories were still a bit painful. 'Irreconcilable differences. I suppose,' I said. 'She was injured flipping here from France and she didn't like it that I always had to come to her, so she pulled the plug.'

'That seems a bit extreme,' said Mum. 'Surely you could have worked something out.'

'I had the impression she thought I had someone else, over here, and she couldn't come and check,' I said.

'Don't you have some really quick way of travelling, like teleporting?' said Dave.

'I do,' I said. 'We do: flipping. That's what she was doing, but she left something behind and now she's scared to use it'

'That's ridiculous,' said Dad. 'Scared because she left something behind? What did she leave behind?'

'Her little finger,' I said.

They all looked stunned.

'Not all of it. Only the first joint,' I said. 'But all the same.'

'God! I didn't realise it was so dangerous,' Dad whispered. 'But you do it all the time.'

'I didn't flip here,' I said. 'I came by train because I don't like flipping either. Well, have you ever had to comfort someone who has lost a finger? New subject please.'

'Errm Are you still working with the Government?' Dad asked. He sounded desperate. We rarely talk about my work.

'If they ask me to,' I said.

'And if they pay,' said Dave, smirking.

'Yes. That too,' I said. 'But you know I told you about those Alleys I discovered?'

'In the City?' said Dad. 'Yes, I remember you telling me. Serious real estate, it sounded like.'

'And the rest,' I said. 'It seems that I'm practically the only person that can get in and out of them at the moment, so I'm kept pretty busy just trying to sort that out.'

'So, no Government work?'

'I'm not flavour of the month at the moment,' I said. 'I flushed out a load of Hope-demons and no-one's very happy, now.'

'I thought there'd been a change in atmosphere,' said Dad.

'You haven't been consorting with demons, have you?' said Mum. 'That's illegal, or it was in my day.'

'Still is,' I said. 'I wasn't exactly consorting with them. More trying to identify and get rid of them because the security department were idiots. But it turns out the Government quite liked having Hope-demons there. Now they've gone, everything is falling apart.'

'Hope-demons, eh?' said Dad with satisfaction. 'I always thought the government was running on a wing and a prayer.'

'Hello, who's this?' said Dave as a glowing spaniel bounced through the garden wall, raced around the garden twice ending up sitting, panting happily, on the dried up grass.

'Sorry to intrude,' said the spaniel in Boot's voice, 'but we have an urgent meeting with a VVVIP in half an hour and your presence is required.'

'What on earth is that?' said Dad.

'It's Terry Boot's Patronus,' I said. 'Hello Sprout,' I said to the spaniel. 'How VVVIP?'

'As many Vs as you want,' said Sprout. 'National security. Mr. Gorbentuis said to get you at all costs.'

'Okay. Tell Terry I'll be right down.'

The spaniel bounced off through the wall and disappeared.

'Sorry, Dad,' I said. 'I don't know what it's all about. Hopefully it won't take long and I'll get back as soon as I can.'

'Don't worry,' he said. 'I can smell an emergency and it's nice to know you're in the thick of it. Do you want a lift to the station?'

'Thanks, but no,' I said. 'This is one occasion where I will have to flip.'

'Do be careful, dear,' said Mum.

'Don't worry,' I told her. 'I know exactly where I'm going.'

I wished Dad a Happy Birthday, again, shook him and Dave by the hand, gave Mum a hug and flipped back to the offices of Gorbentius and Co.

Where Boot and Mr. Gorbentius were waiting for me.

'Sorry about this,' said Boot.

'Big flap,' said Mr. Gorbentius. 'You have to go to No 10.'

'What's it about?' I said. 'There's always a flap.'

'But this one is so big that we don't know what it's about,' said Mr. Gorbentius.

'I have to go to No 10?' I said. 'Just me? What about back-up?'

''Fraid not,' said Boot. 'He asked for you specially.'

'So I'm going solo, totally unbriefed, into a meeting with our top client,' I said. 'This is so unprofessional'

'Your professionalism will see it through,' said Boot.

'Flattery will only get you so far,' I said sourly. 'And that has just about reached its limits.'

He grinned. 'We've opened a fireway to a conference room and someone will meet you there,' he said. 'Got your wand?'

I looked at him even more sourly but he just grinned even more and conjured a fire in the grate. He threw a handful of green dust into the fireplace and I stepped into the flames.

There was a woosh like a green whirlpool and I stepped out into a rather elegant room where a woman was waiting for me. She was dressed very formally in a black suit and white shirt and a name-tag on her lapel, but she was good looking and about the same age as me, I reckoned. She was also holding a wand. But I had no idea who she was. Almost unheard of.

'Mr Corner?' she said. 'Good afternoon. I'm Emma Daines. I'm to escort you. This place is a bit of a maze.'

'Hi,' I said, shaking her hand. 'I'm Michael, or Mike. I'm sorry, I know I ought to know you. Give me a clue. Which House?'

'I wasn't,' she said. 'I was coven educated. Tintagel.'

'Isn't that a bit remote?' I said. I was stalling, to hide my confusion. I hadn't met a witch-led for years and they have a reputation for being a bit weird. I had to watch my step.

But she laughed in a perfectly normal way. 'We're based in Tintagel, but the teaching was done near Taunton. You were one of the DA, weren't you.' She looked almost star-struck.

'Well, yes. A long time ago. Were you up at the fight?'

'We weren't allowed to go,' she said with a frown. 'The Mother and The Maiden piled in.'

'Were they okay?' I said. I wasn't being solicitous. I wanted to know which side they'd been on.

'The Mother lost an eye,' she said. 'She's okay, but she was worried because she was attacked by a werewolf. She's The Crone, now, but she's fine. It's just that she isn't a vegetarian anymore.'

Well, that answered the main question. 'Are you the new Maiden?' I asked.

'Gods, no,' she said. 'Stuck in Wessex for the rest of my life? Not a prayer. I still go back from time to time but I escaped to London at the first opportunity. Do you go back?'

'I have been back,' I said cautiously, 'but I've got some pretty mixed memories.'

'Was it that bad?'

'Mostly it was fine. Great, I guess. But bits of it were so beyond awful that they tend to obscure the good bits.'

'You were the one who was tortured, weren't you?'

'Most of us were tortured,' I said. 'But yes. I was the one who was Cruciated1 in front of the assembly. I'm sorry, I can't talk about it or it comes back.'

'Oh, of course. Sorry. Sorry,' she said, looking genuinely mortified. 'I read your paper, the one you wrote with Granger.'

'Yeah. That's why I can't talk about it,' I said, feeling the aches starting. 'Change the subject. What, exactly, am I here for?'

'He wants to talk to you,' she said. 'More than that I don't know.'

'Do you work here?' I asked. 'Do you know what's on his mind?'

'I'm with the Ministry,' she said. 'I'm on Government Liaison and I happened to be duty officer.'

'I thought you might be Security,' I said.

'Do I look like Security'

'Possibly,' I said. 'In a ninjaish sort of way.'

She laughed, fortunately. 'There's been some sort of purge of the Security staff,' she said. 'Some cock-up.'

'McClaggen?' I asked. 'Yes, I know about that.'

'More than me, probably,' she said. 'Here we are.' She rang the bell on a very unassuming looking door and it was opened by The Big Dog himself.

'Mr. Corner! Michael!' he said, shaking me vigorously by the hand. 'We meet again! Thanks for coming. Thank you, Emma. Do you need to wait for him?'

'I'll wait out here,' she said. 'We don't want him getting lost on the way out.'

'Too right we don't,' he said. 'We shouldn't be long.' He closed the door. 'Come in, come in! Take a pew.'

The flat could only be described as 'flashy', but it still had the unmistakeable look, and sound, of small children in residence. I couldn't see them, but I could hear small footsteps outside another door, and there was a floppy pink hippo on a shelf.

'Now then, last time you were here I gather that you identified some slightly unsavoury citizens,' he said. 'For which much thanks, of course.'

'We spotted a couple of Hope-demons and a Gold demon, a Midas,' I nodded. 'We managed to bottle them. You should be okay, now.'

'Well, that's the point,' he said. 'That's the point. We're not okay. What I was wondering is whether you could, sort of, unbottle them. They may have been demons but they were dashed useful little johnnies, spreading a bit of sunshine around themselves.'

'It would be massively dangerous and completely illegal to release them,' I said. 'Even if I knew where they were.'

'The illegal bit isn't a problem,' he said. 'I can override that. Why is it dangerous? I mean, they're only little blighters.'

'The point is that they aren't as little as they look,' I said. 'They have a physical body, which can be quite small, but they also have a psychic body, we call it a geas, which is much, much bigger.'

'You mean there's bit of them we can't see,' he said.

'Exactly, and it's the invisible bit that does what the demon does. Hope demons make you rely on hope, which affects judgement. Hate demons make you hate things. You get the pattern.'

'What about this Gold demon? Does it make you want to be gold?'

'It makes anything it touches want to be gold,' I said with a shudder. 'So much that it actually becomes gold.'

'You look as though you've met one,' he said.

'I had a narrow escape,' I said. 'It only managed to touch my underpants. Long story2. But you met it too. It was the one called Mimi Dassler.'

'Good God! Mimi? I thought she was just a very efficient civil servant.

'It probably was, seeing as how it was working in The Treasury,' I said. 'But it was a Midas. They all have to take names that indicate their nature and Dassler sounds like 'dazzler'.'

'Gold certainly dazzles me,' he said. 'But what about bringing them back? I know the Chancellor misses her.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but I really can't help,' I said. 'Apart from any legal or technical issues, I'd be too frightened of them to try.'

'I thought a geas was a type of curse,' he said.

'It is. A demon is a sort of personified curse,' I said. 'The geas is the important bit. The body is just life support.'

There was a loud thump on the door and I jumped. A small voice shouted 'Dad?'

'Hang on there,' he shouted back. 'I'm busy.'

A female voice removed the small voice and I heard it fade into the distance.

'Kids!' he sighed, sitting back. When I first saw him he was a whirlwind of boisterous energy. Now he just looked like a harassed, overweight, middle-aged father of small children. 'Well, it was worth a try,' he said. 'But your Ministry guys said much the same thing. And were less polite.'

'That would have been my next question,' I said. 'What does the Ministry say. If they said 'No' I'd be insane to say 'Yes'.'

'At least it proves there aren't any of the Hope-johnnies around,' he smiled ruefully.

Emma was waiting by the window when I emerged after shaking The Big Dog by the hand as he thanked me for my time.

We walked down the first flight of stairs in silence.

'Everything alright?' she said at last.

'I'm fine,' I said. 'But I wouldn't put any money on The Big Dog.'

Which was good advice, perhaps I was channelling Dave, because The Big Dog realised his position was hopeless and announced his resignation the next day.

Mr Gorbentius summoned his senior team to his office.

'This presents us with an opportunity,' he said. 'What are your thoughts as to how we should proceed?'

'I don't think we should canvass the candidates,' said Boot. 'Let them come to us if they want.'

'Reactive?' said . 'Would that not allow our competitors to get ahead of us?'

'There are more candidates than there are consultants,' said Ted McPhee. 'If one approaches Buncombe or Asphodel one of the others is bound to approach us.

'And they all have the same chance of winning?' said Mr. Gorbentius.

'If it's a no-hoper we can always decline,' said Ted.

'What are the people at The Ministry doing?' I said. 'We don't want to cut across them.'

'Good point,' said Mr. Gorbentius. 'Who is our best contact at Government Liaison?'

'I met one of them at No 10,' I said. 'I could give her a bell.'

'We had better do that before we do anything else,' said Mr Gorbentius. 'We will reconvene this afternoon.'

'Shortest meeting ever,' muttered Boot as we walked back to our offices.

'It's not over,' I said. 'It's just adjourned.'

'Pedant.'

Emma picked up straight away. 'Daines,' she said.

'Good morning, Emma. It's Mike Corner. Have you got a minute?'

'Mike! Good morning. You must be psychic,' she said. 'You are on my list of people to call.'

'That doesn't sound very exclusive,' I said. 'I take it you don't have a list of people who you were going to ask out on a date.'

She giggled nervously. 'Actually, I was going to call to summon you to a briefing where we can explain The Ministry's position on this resignation business.'

'That was more or less what I was calling you about.'

'In that case, can you get here for a briefing in half an hour,' she said. 'Conference Room Aleph. Ask at reception when they buzz you in.'

'You can't give me a sneak preview?' I said.

'I would,' she said, 'but the Minister is keen that everybody is told at the same time.'

'I will see you shortly, then' I said.

Ministry Reception is coded in as one of the presets in our PortalBooth. I was there not five minutes later and outside the Conference Room in ten, where Emma was waiting.

'There's a meeting in there at the moment,' she said. 'Something sporty. They're just packing up.'

The door opened and there was a shriek. I was engulfed in a red and green whirlwind that resolved itself into Ginny Potter. She was, apparently, pleased to see me. As I was to see her. Once we had disentangled from each other and she calmed down

'Of course! You're rising star in the consultancy biz,' she said. 'Look at you! And with the Alleys!'

Emma was staring open mouthed.

'Hermione put me onto them,' I said. 'How's Harry?'

She made a face. 'Apparently he's fine,' she said. 'He's in the States at the moment. I only ever seem to see him on Zoom.' She grinned at Emma. 'Sorry! I mustn't get in the way. I know this is a hairy one.'

'No! No! No! that's perfectly alright!' Emma babbled. 'We've got masses of slime, I mean, oh gods, I was just watching a rerun on the 2010 match the other day.'

She dissolved in complete embarrassment and tried to hide herself inside my jacket. It was nice but I had to work very hard not to put my arm around her. I didn't think it would help.

Ginny smiled sympathetically and patted her on the shoulder. 'Gotta fly,' she said. 'Great to see you, Mike. Love to Michelle.'

She whirled off and Emma emerged from my jacket.

'Oh my god. That was so humiliating,' she moaned. 'I mean, I used to wish I was her when she was with The Harpies.'

'I think she's used to it,' I said. 'I'd probably have been the same if I hadn't known her when we were kids.'

'Is Michelle your girlfriend?'

'Used to be,' I said. 'Actually, Ginny also used to be. When we were still at school.'

'I keep forgetting you're a really famous person too, and you know all these famous people.'

I snorted. 'I don't think I'm famous,' I said. 'I hope not. Just a footnote, that's quite enough for me.'

We were saved from further embarrassment by the arrival of Marietta Edgecombe. And I never in my life thought I would be relieved to see Marietta. We nodded to each other as professional rivals – she was a senior consultant at Asphodel. In theory she was far above me in the consultancy pecking order, but I knew about her history. And she knew I knew.

Others arrived and we all filed into Conference Room Aleph, which was the room the Ministry used for press conferences. Emma and one of her colleagues herded us into seats and a tall wizard with long grey hair swept into the room with half a dozen files bobbing along behind him.

'Good morning. I'm Hyacinthus Mapplediamond,' he said. 'I'll cut to the chase. The Minister has decided that we are going to sit this one out,' he said.

I put my hand up and he nodded to me. 'What about us?' I said.

'Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I mean that all magikers are going to have to sit it out,' he said. 'There's been so much interference, authorised and unauthorised, that we don't know what influence magic has had. To try to get a handle on things, The Ministry is putting a complete embargo on all magical involvement in the election. Then at least we will know that any magical influence is unauthorised and we can put a stop to it.'

'Sounds reasonable and logical,' said Marietta.

'It also sounds as though they don't want to back a loser,' said Godfrey Brazenose, the Buncombe representative

'I couldn't possibly comment,' said Mapplediamond. 'However, any magical involvement will result in an immediate review of the perpetrator's licenced status.'

'Isn't that a bit draconian,' said Godfrey. 'I mean, some of these people are old established clients. How can we say we aren't going to do anything?'

'That's up to you,' said Mapplediamond. 'I don't mind if you blame us, in fact I'm sure you will, but there will be no interaction with the candidates until The Ministry authorises it. Good day to you,' and he swept out again, followed by his little convoy of files.

'How will you know if we do magic for them,' I asked as we walked back to Reception.

'There's a taboo in place,' she said. 'It'll pick up any magic done for any politician outside No 10.'

'It must be a bloody enormous taboo, to cover the whole country.'

'Vast,' she said.' It took the whole Ministry to do it and they had to call up all the scaff and raff who had ever worked here to beef it up.'

'So what will you be doing over the next month or so, 'I asked. 'There won't be much liaison to do.'

'Yes there will,' she retorted. 'I'll be spending the time fending off Mundane politicians who 'just want us to do a little job for them'.'

'And if you won't do the tasks they'll come to us,' I said. 'Tell you what. If any of them do come to you, give us all a heads-up so we have an answer prepared when they call us. Any of us.

'That's an excellent idea,' she said. 'Thank you, Mike. I'll owe you.'

'Why?'

'Because I'll say it was my idea!'

'I should charge royalties,' I said. 'At least you could take me out for a drink.'

Back at base, the meeting reconvened almost as soon as I walked out of the Booth.

Immediate hubbub.

'Nothing?!' said Boot.

'This is unprecedented,' said Mr Gorbentius.

'Err. I think you will find it is not,' said Quilly in his precise, clipped little voice.

Now, Quilly had been working with Mr Gorbentius right from the start, since long before Boot and I joined the firm, but he has never, really, deep in his heart, come to terms with Mr Gorbentius's egalitarian policies. It was almost unprecedented for him to offer an unsolicited comment. We were all so surprised that we stopped talking to listen.

'Magical integration with Mundane policies is a relatively new phenomenon,' he went on. 'Twenty years ago there was barely any, and it has only become significant in the last eight or so.'

'There was some meddling in the Scottish Referendum,' said Mr Gorbentius. 'On both sides. We weren't involved,' he added piously.

'Essentially, since Loki became involved,' said Quilly.

'I wonder what he's up to,' I said.

'Apparently he's discovered Twitter,' said Boot. 'Keeps him occupied.'

Thus is was that, for the couple of days, Emma called me almost every hour as all the leadership candidates asked the Ministry for clandestine advantage. The candidates, or their Advisers, then called the consultants and Mr Gorbentius became extremely miffed because it was clear that we were not the first port of call.

Once they realised that the direct approach was not working, they gave up calling the Ministry and called consultants direct. That found me calling Emma every hour and she did, eventually, take me out for lunch, but it was only a sandwich.

Things got quieter as candidates were eliminated, then out of the blue, Emma was on the phone to me.

'What are you doing?' she said. 'I thought you had it clear that you were not to help anyone.' She sounded pretty cross. Not much inclination to hide inside my jacket.

'We haven't done anything,' I said.

'We've just had a report of a confusion Charm affecting the tax dealings of one of the former candidates,' she said.

'Not us,' I said. 'I'm sure of that. What was the source?'

'It's not clear,' she said. 'One of the other candidates, or one of their advisers.'

'I'll check with my colleagues but I'm sure it's not us.'

No-one knew anything about it, and half an hour later she called me again.

'I'm really sorry, Mike,' she said. 'Totally false alarm. We tracked the source and it was someone in the candidate's own team.'

'An own goal?' I said.

'Tax affairs,' she said. 'Apparently he's being investigated and someone was trying to muddy the water.'

'Sneaky,' I said admiringly. 'You mean his tax affairs weren't already confusing enough?'

'Something like that,' she said. 'I'm sorry I accused your firm.'

Things went quiet again for a week and the election rounds got under way. After a couple of rounds she rang again, sounding much less accusatory.

'Sorry to bother you, Mike, but one of the candidates has complained that she's not getting as many votes as she thought she would.'

'Sounds like democracy,' I said. 'Is she suggesting that we're hiding them?'

'Something like that,' she said. 'She's absolutely convinced that the other side is suppressing her vote.

'How would we do that?' I said. 'Don't they physically count them? We'd have to put down an incredibly specific confusion Charm and someone would have noticed. You know, people walking into walls, wearing their trousers on their heads, that sort of thing.'

'You're right,' she said, sounding exhausted. 'Anyway, thanks. You've given me some ammunition. I'll go and fend them off.'

I don't know what she said to them but the complaints didn't stop. Even after the candidate got through to the last two. She didn't get as many votes as her rival and she was convinced she should have come out on top.

Mr Gorbentius was summoned to The Ministry, about which he was not impressed. He came back with a face like thunder.

'I will not be lectured to like a naughty student,' he growled. 'Your Ministry are a cabal of imbeciles. My people arrange our affairs much more efficiently.' And he slammed his office door. Boot and I made ourselves scarce. Mr Gorbentius was normally legendary for his even temper but when he blows, well, you remember that he is a) the boss and b) not human.

I bumped into Marietta as a meeting to resolve ownership issues in Physic Alley. She made it very clear that she held us responsible for everything.

'We have a long-established reputation for compliance with Ministry requirements,' she said, looking down her nose. 'Some of us are not impressed at suggestions that we are in any way flouting their edicts.'

'Yes, we've been pretty irritated, too,' I retorted. 'And our reputation is only a few months shorter that yours.' Which was true, as only Buncombe's predated the Battle.

She sniffed and walked away.

'How to win friends,' said Emma, who had been trying to chair a breakout in another room. I could hear the raised voices through the doors

'Marietta Edgecombe and I have been not-friends for a long, long time,' I said.

'I suppose you were at school together,' she said.

'Same house. She was a year above me,' I said. 'I didn't know her all that well but she did something incredibly stupid and I don't think I've ever forgiven her.'

'I'm not keen on her, either,' she confessed. 'And she wears too much makeup.'

I found myself taking an unusual interest in opinion polls After every one, and they seemed to come almost daily, I would get a call from Emma or one of her colleagues saying that someone had called one of the consultants. The calls ranged from cajolery to polite requests to veiled threats but none of them were to Gorbentius and Co., which pissed Mr Gorbentius off no end.

Then, one day shortly before the final vote, I got a call.

'It's a wiz, he says,' said Maisie. 'Says he knows you. Cormac Something-or-other.'

'Cormac McClaggen?' I said.

'Probably, I think,' she said. 'I'll connect you.'

'Michael Corner,' I announced. 'How can I help you?'

'Oh! Mike! Hi! It's Cormac. How are you?'

'I'm good, thanks. How are you? I gather you're not at the Ministry.'

'Got the boot when they downsized Security,' he said. 'Big mistake, imho, but They never ask us footsoldiers for our opinion.'

'So where are you now?'

'I'm with one of the candidates,' he said airily. 'In a purely private capacity, of course. Still do a bit of consultancy at The Ministry, here and there, I helped them out with their taboo. That sort of thing.'

All the scaff and raff, I thought. 'So how can we help you?' is what I said. I pressed the com buzzer for Boot's room, so he could listen in and record for security purposes. He opened the door almost immediately and leant against the doorframe to listen.

'We have been trying to identify whoever is helping the opposition,' said Cormac. 'The other candidate, I mean, not Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition. The real scumbags.'

'If you identify them, what do you want them to do?'

'Either to stop or to give the same help to us. Is it you? Everyone else seems to deny it and you are the only company we haven't contacted.'

'Not us,' I said. 'We wouldn't dare. What about the taboo? It is pretty fearsome from what I've heard.'

'Yes. Not something to tangle with,' he chortled. 'Not if you value your eyebrows. So will you help us?'

'No,' I said. 'I value my eyebrows too much. And we haven't been helping anyone. We're not really political consultants. Most of our work is industrial.'

'But you've done masses of political work,' he said. 'You practically caused this mess with your hallucinating demons all over the place.'

'I identified three, and they weren't hallucinations.'

'Well, we lost some damn good staff. That's what I know.'

'Cormac, they were demons,' I said patiently.

'Bloody useless Ravenclaws,' he snarled, and rang off.

'Was that McClaggen?' said Boot. 'I thought I recognised his dulcet tones. '

'Yes,' I sighed. 'He hasn't improved, has he.'

'Still carrying his Old School resentments on his shoulders,' he said. 'I'll be glad when this is over.'

'Heigh ho,' I yawned. 'I suppose I had better ring Emma and brief her.'

'Oh, you'll enjoy that,' he smirked and left me to it.

'Cormac McClaggen?' said Emma. 'Big chap. Ex-security. Thick as mince, as they say round here.

'That's pretty much nailed him,' I said.

'And he's working for the candidate?'

'So he says. In a private capacity.'

'Makes no difference,' she said. 'If he tries any magic for her he's toast.'

'Goodbye, Mr Eyebrows,' I said

'What?'

'Doesn't matter. You had to be there,' I said. 'It'll soon be over.'

'Can't be too soon for me,' she said. 'It's been hell.'

I made sympathetic noises, but it was far from over. Within half an hour, the candidate herself was on the phone to Mr Gorbentius. His door was shut and warded but we could tell things weren't going smoothly by the smoke that was creeping under it.

The office was silent. Even Maisie crept away from Reception to gaze, awestruck, at the smoke.

'I'm recording it,' she whispered. 'Is that okay?'

'Good idea,' muttered Boot. 'But don't tell anyone else.'

She shivered. 'Porgy's hiding in the cupboard under my desk,' she said. 'I don't know where Quilly is.'

After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only five minutes, the door opened and Mr Gorbentius emerged. He looked taller, and he was silhouetted against a blinding, misty light that streamed out of his office and surrounded him in a nimbus.

'That seems to have cleared up any misunderstandings,' he said icily. The light faded as he walked out of the front door and we could see his familiar office furniture.

'I've never seen that before,' I said. 'I wonder what was going on.'

'I wonder where it was going on,' said Boot, 'because whatever was on the other side of that door clearly wasn't his office.'

The complaints finally stopped when the candidate won the final vote, though she was still heard to complain that she should have had a bigger majority.

I called Emma as soon as I heard the result.

'Do you want to come for a celebratory drink?' I said.

'I don't know what you want to celebrate,' she said. 'I've been sacked.'

'Sacked? Why on earth have you been sacked?'

'Well, not sacked exactly,' she said. 'But the whole Government Liaison Department has been wound up. Haven't you heard?'

I listened in astonishment as she explained the latest Government move and hastened to call an emergency briefing meeting.

'All magical involvement?' said Boot. 'Discontinuing all magical involvement.'

'Apparently the new PM was so unimpressed at the way the magical world failed to support her that she feels she can do a better job without any magical input at all,' I said, quoting Emma who had been quoting the PM.

'How fascinating,' said Mr Gorbentius. 'I don't believe that anyone in this Government has any experience of governing without any magical support. I wonder how they will manage.'

'Apparently they've sacked all the economists as well,' I said.

'It is my observation,' said Quilly, 'that politicians and wizards both regard themselves as the Dominant Species.' He steepled his fingers. 'It will be interesting to see who is correct.'

1 An unpleasant experience, recounted in The Dungeon of Doom

2 Told in The Solid Gold Underpants.