There's a green ember in Central Park, hovering in the air just outside a black tunnel. Kim's heart leaps out of her chest and all this energy just comes to her. Her cheeks flush, and she twitches in excitement.

Kim looks back to her parents and nods. "Hey, I need to take this. Can you…"

Her parents nod back. She's not sure if they noticed the flame or not, but she waves them off and struts over to the tunnel, slipping in, folding her hands behind the small of her lover's back.

Shego stands there in a high collar peacoat and rolls her eyes playfully, mussing Kim's hair. Her chalk white skin sticks out like a sore thumb against the dark, hence her not moving an inch away from the wall she's pressed against.

Shego opens her mouth.

Kim can't not resist that. She dives in and kisses Shego with all she has, holding her by the shoulders. It lasts as long as it needs to, and Kim's backs off, black lipstick smeared on her lips.

"Ah shit," Shego groans, pulling out a hanky, and dabbing Kim's face like she's a baby. "Don't fuss, I'm sure you've noticed everyone and their grandma is watching you, bad time to be famous again. Last thing you need is my lips on your cheek."

"A lot of people wear black lipstick," Kim protests.

"Ugh, whatever, I'm just being careful," Shego wipes it away anyways and leans back. "You holding up?"

Kim shrugs. "As well as I can be. I really miss you."

"Same," Shego says, her voice oddly constricted. "I'm sorry we couldn't connect, it was just really risky, you know, with your high profile. Plus, we had a lot of damage control to do."

"Damage control?" Kim raises an eyebrow.

Shego leans back even more. "Yeah. Every major news outlet and a bunch of podcasters wanted to interview you so Hank posed as your manager to get the vultures to fuck off, and I had to kill some evidence. Which is, um why I'm here a little early. I just wanted to talk for a second."

"I appreciate it," Kim smiles, coming in closer, pressing Shego's body against the wall. Shego doesn't stop her.

"There's video," Shego explains. "It's dead now, don't worry about it. But I had to get the cam footage before anyone else did, and I finally watched it the other day and… fuck, I'm going to sound like such a bitch when I say it. Can you take it?"

Kim frowns. "I'm out of shape, is that it?"

"No."

"Uh… fuck. I don't… oh. It's because I didn't kill anyone right away."

"Yeah," Shego sighs. "I just… I'm sorry, Kimmie, but like… you're an assassin now. You kill people, and you learned last week why it's actually kind of a big deal that you follow through."

Kim blinks. "I understand."

"You're pissed," Shego says.

"A little, yeah. I mean, it's not that easy, I… I've never killed before, well, I guess I have now, and um."

Shego touches Kim's back and slides her chin onto her shoulder, rocking her to and fro. "I know. This is my fault. I knew you weren't ready to be out there and—"

It makes Kim so angry when people do this, when they shift the blame from her to themselves. It's infantilizing and it bothers her. She's accountable to her own actions and… she's mad, she can't help but be mad.

Kim grabs Shego's wrist. " Don't ."

Shego doesn't say anything, and it takes Kim a second too long to realize she is squeezing Shego's wrist way too hard . And all of a sudden tears spring to her eyes and she's sobbing into Shego's chest. How dare she do that? There is no excuse for such violence, and...

"I'm just like him now," Kim manages to say. "I'm just like him…"

"No, no—shh… shh…" Shego gently lowers Kim down to the ground, and pulls her in, hands igniting to give her even more warmth. "...it's not your fault, okay? None of this is your fault, alright?"

Shego doesn't know that though. Kim's not going to object though, what's the point in arguing something like that.

"I'm going to train you, okay?" Shego whispers. "I'm going to get you ready, and I'm not letting you out of my sight. Are you okay with that?"

Kim heaves and raises her head to look directly into Shego's eyes. Maybe Kim's crazy, but Shego might be getting a little weepy too.

"I fucking hate how you bring out my—feelings, blegh," Shego sticks her tongue out, and Kim giggles faintly. "Go enjoy your time with your fam tonight, see them off, and I'll come to you tomorrow, okay?"

Kim nods, and she realizes then how fucking lonely she's been for the past week. Shego is the only one who knows her.

"Yeah," Kim gulps. She nods as if that will make this feel any better. "Yeah."

Kim faces Shego within a private room inside some gym Kim has now been forced to purchase a monthly membership with. The two women circle each other, both in tights and tank tops. Kim's hair is tied back, Shego's is down. Which oddly enough, intimidates the shit out of Kim. She hasn't for real sparred with Shego in years.

"Confession for ya," Shego crosses her arms confidently. "Literally, since like — day 1, I have wanted to train you."

That takes Kim back a bit. "Train me ? I was the one kicking your ass every week."

Quick hint of lime flushes in Shego's cheeks, but it leaves her fast. "Yeah yeah, well, it's a helluva lot easier to critique other people's form than your own, yeah? Did you have anyone training you?"

"Um," Kim stretches to get limber. "At first, before we started. Then the missions came in so fast I had no time for training."

"I figured," Shego says. "Betty should have had someone come in to train you, not cool everyone let you freelance like that. You were a kid."

Kim agrees but she doesn't really want to get into it right now, she'll just get mad. "Yeah, I know what you mean about like, noticing other people's flaws more than your own. Sometimes, I would like, fight you guys, and think about what you could have done better to like, actually pull it off."

Shego clicks her tongue. "Judgy, judgy, Kimmie. Did you ever think about, like, doing the villainy thing?"

Kim blushes. "Maaaaaaaaaaaybe we should just start training."

"Ooh," Shego purses her lips. "I am making a mental note to get some follow-up on this spicy topic. But sure, let's hop to it. We're here today because you nearly got yourself killed a week ago. How did that happen?"

Kim leans back on her bare feet, flexing her arms. "I didn't kill my targets, and it bit me in the ass."

"And why didn't you kill them?" Shego mimics Kim's stance.

"Um, are we just going to talk, or are we going to brawl?"

Shego raises an eyebrow. "I need to rewire your brain if I'm going to get you to where I want you."

Where I want you . A little possessive for Kim's taste. Kinda reminds her of Ron.

"It just didn't feel necessary," Kim says quickly. "Even with, like, Cagan, I feel bad…"

"Whoa—what?" Some anger flashes in Shego's eyes. "Princess, have some self-respect. Dude was a total asshole."

"I guess," Kim shrugs. "Apparently I ruined his life or something, back in the day."

"They always say that shit," Shego shakes her head. "That was a guy who wasn't worth shit. Even if he didn't hospitalize you like that—"

Kim can remember looking up at his sneering face in the dark. Her vision was blurry, and her body hardly worked. He laughed at her while she tried and failed to line up a shot at his face.

The nightmares of him haven't hit her subconscious yet, but she knows he'll never be forgotten.

"—he'd still be totes okay to ax," Shego finishes. "But you didn't. You didn't kill him or any of his people because you didn't want to."

"It's not because I didn't want to!" Kim snaps. "I just—I just—god. Shit."

Shego's arms fall to her sides. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

Kim shakes her head, looking at the ground. "Ron killed people you know. After Lowardia. He never admitted to it, never acted like anything was wrong. He just killed like, the most random goons so arbitrarily, like he didn't care who he did it too. And… I don't want to—" She locks eyes with Shego, and wipes the hair from her face. "—I'm sorry, can we get to fighting?"

Shego's jaw tightens. "Yeah. I guess. Just understand that like, I'm going to be better at training you physically but there's a lot of mental work you're going to have to come to terms with." She leans back, positioning her hands. "You're nothing like him, Kim."

Kim hates feeling so unsteady on her own feet. It was never like this back in the old days, back when it was fun All she had to do was move and trust her instincts, and she would come out on top. Now her instincts are what might get her killed. Almost got her killed, infact.

Kim lunges at Shego, fists darting in for viper strikes, withdrawing just as fast. Shego blocks each of the blows with the puffy guards she has over her hands, and Kim feels her arms shake with each impact. Shego's body is so reinforced by her powers that it's like trying to knock a brick wall over. So Kim hits harder and harder, she smiles to herself when she notices Shego's elbow crunching in, and goes for an uppercut.

Shego clicks her tongue and slips past Kim, grabs her by the waist, and spins her through the air, tossing her onto a nearby mat. Kim crashes into a non consensual body slam, and scrambles to her feet. "You fare better in group fights," Shego calls out without any emotion. "You overthink things when one on one, and you telegraph constantly."

Kim narrows her eyes and charges at Shego like a fucking bull. Headfirst, she crashes in to gut Shego in the stomach, but those strong, green arms stop her in place by hooking her by the shoulders. Kim gnashes her teeth, trying to isolate herself from predictability and moves with the flow of Shego.

Kim lifts her feet up high, pivoting them over her whole body and claps her ankles against Shego's neck and manages to topple both of them. They both hit the mat and roll off each other, rising at the same time.

"Better. You're good with your legs," Shego pants, pulling a hair tie off her wrist and winding her hair back. Finally. "A bit more pressure on the neck and you could potentially twist it out like that."

Kim flinches. She never thought of that as a killing stroke. But she supposes that's the point of this. Try to kill the woman she can't physically kill.

Shego snaps her fingers and emerald pinpricks hit the walls all over private room and ignite into a hailfire of flames that fly at Kim like bullets. Shego smirks and darts in. Kim somersaults backwards, narrowly avoiding three embers that would have hit her right up the spine, simultaneously dodging a kick to her jaw.

"You're lucky the other goons didn't get up when you were up against Sally," Shego smirks. "Otherwise this would have been the sitch, try to take me out."

Kim grimaces and misses one ember that nails her in the cheek. Burns like a bitch for a second, reminding her of those awful pinches Ron would give her before it got really bad, and then it goes numb. Just like how it did with Ron. Kim tries to tell herself this is different, it's consensual. Sort of.

"Boom, you just died," Shego shakes her head and leans onto her back heel. "Come get me."

Kim darts ahead but can barely make progress, there's too many kill zones crossing her path and she has to back off, looking for an opening. All the while, Shego paces back and forth with so much confidence, staring at her as if daring her to just jump on through.

Then one blast nails right in the ass. She yelps as another strikes her elbow, and though it doesn't hurt that much, she's so tense it sends a spasm up her. Another blast to the shoulder and she completely loses her balance.

Flames shift behind Shego and show her the number 2 . Shego smirks, "This is just like Edge of Tomorrow , we're going to count how many times you die."

Kim screams something primal and charges forward, being really careful to avoid the 'gunfire' aimed at her. They aren't really the blockade Shego wants them to be, the openings are obvious. The only thing holding Kim back is how each burn triggers her traumatic memories of Ron. She wants to scream at Shego to stop, but Kim knows she'll start having a breakdown if she dares do that. She needs to hold it together, she needs Shego to think that Kim's stronger than she really is.

Kim bobs in and out, she gets better at dodging, but it's not enough to get close to Shego. She ducks and twists and leaps and it's not getting her any progress. If she charges through, it might be okay, but then she'd have to watch that 4 bump into a 5 , when 1 is bad enough.

There's a shift in the energy and it's as if several pinpricks coagulated into one solid hand that flies through the air to backhand Kim. She's not even sure if it's even real or just her imagination, but it makes her howl.

Never again.

Kim twirls past the backhand in a magnificent pirouette, and does something she's never dared try before — she reaches out and grabs the phantom hand by the wrist, and has her other hand grip a finger and she pulls back on it like she's trying to start a lawnmower.

Crack! and boom! It dies — and Kim notes that it really wasn't a hand as it fades, just a flame that gave Kim flashbacks. She somersaults back, her palm ignited into numbness, and lands behind Shego.

Kim moves faster than the green woman, and dodges her fist. Kim grabs it mid-flight and pulls Shego's arm out, and twists it hard, stopping before it gets serious. "Boom, broke your arm," Kim mutters. Next, she sends her elbow up to Shego's jaw, resting the tip to Shego's nose, and the green woman does Kim a solid and mimes falling over from such a hit.

Kim spins around and cocks her imaginary gun and points it at Shego's hand, pantoming the shot, accidentally whispering, " Bang, " under her breath like a total nerd.

Shego quirks a smirk at Kim as a fiery 1 bursts into life on Shego's chest. "Unfortunately, Kimmie," Shego rests her head to the floor. "I'm out, but my boys are still on you."

Kim hears a loud flare and freezes in place as everything around her goes green, an entire sphere of green pinpricks hovering an inch away from her skin. In the tiny gaps, Kim can see her death count spiking into numbers she can't even keep track of.

Her knees quake and she can't hold it in any longer. She's numb. Head to toe she's numb, it's too much, she feels so much inside but her body can't capture any of it. It's too reminiscent of how it felt after she had arguments on the phone with Ron. She falls against the mat beneath her. She hears Shego's soft laughter, and it makes her think of Ron's mean cackling. She doesn't cry, but her head surges from pain.

She deserves this. Ron was good, and he still hit her because she must have been a really shitty person. And it's the same again, she dies and dies and dies because she's not good at what she does.

" Kimmie ?" Shego's voice sounds like it's miles away. " I didn't — — — it, did — —?"

Kim cranes her neck up to lock eyes with Shego and sniffs. She doesn't want Shego to think she's getting so frustrated about losing, because it's not that.

Too bad she can hardly hear anything Shego is saying. This is probably a panic attack.

Shego wraps her arms around Kim's shoulder and Kim feels nothing. She rocks back and forth in those arms, her mouth open and eventually she notices that there's this high pitched keening sound that she's sure is coming from her.

" You're safe, Kim ," Kim hears Shego whisper, and it feels good to hear someone talk to her. Kim nuzzles her forehead against Shego's and tries to calm down. Shego's arms run against her body, but they can't protect her. Kim knows that.

Ron could just reach across the world right now and snap her neck. She's never really safe. Even when Shego locks lips with Kim right then and there, she feels nothing. She can't.

Kim lies in bed for hours after she gets home, and skips class again. Whenever Ron hit her, she would hide under her blankets, hoping he wouldn't find her. It made no sense, she knew that, but the dark was peaceful to her. So she tries that again tonight.

She feels ashamed of what went down with Shego, and feels so guilty that it definitely made Shego feel like shit. Shego didn't know that was one of Kim's triggers, and still doesn't because Kim didn't comment on it. She just got really quiet and slipped away once it was okay.

There's always something to freak out over with Kim. She can't let it go, she can't move on. Even if he never touches her again, she won't be able to forget. She'll always freeze when someone makes a sudden movement towards her, she'll always go numb like this.

She wishes he were dead. She wishes she had the nerve to just shoot him through the skull and end him.

Though there's a voice at the back of her head telling her that won't work either, that his voice will haunt her nightmares if she does that. In a very literal way too. She's sure his powers are something that can live beyond even death itself.

Suddenly, Kim's entire body quavers. Her hairs stand on end, and she wants to burrow deeper. She feels his aura coming to her.

Her door creaks open and Kim throws the blanket off herself, hand digging under her pillow to scoop her revolver out.

"Hey, Kim," Erica says and Kim promptly deflates. Erica's face falls though and she looks super concerned. "Um, are you sick or something? I can go out and buy you some medicine if you'd like…"

"N-n-no," Kim stutters. "J-just a… a rough day, honestly."

Kim pulls her hand out from under the pillow without the gun and rests it on her sweatpants. "What's up? Sorry I'm hogging the room, you can hang in here too, if ya want…"

"It's okay," Erica sighs, mouth crinkled. She's the only roomie trying to make it work with Kim right now. "I came in because there's this boy outside, waiting for you…"

Kim feels herself sweat again.

"He looks like that guy you used to be with a lot on TV… that's Ron, isn't it?" Erica asks softly. "I can tell him to go away."

Kim grimaces and shakily gets to her feet. "No, I can… I need to handle this. He'll keep coming back otherwise, the fucking creep."

Erica reaches over and brushes some of the hair out of Kim's eyes. "Well, I'm here for you as back-up if you need me, okay?"

"Thanks."

They do a quick hug together, and Kim steps away, moving into the common area and eying the door warily. She can't believe he'd stalk her like this, it's so not okay.

Kim opens the door and almost starts yelling right off the bat, but freezes at the very sight of Ron. He looks like shit. Dark brown stubble all across his lip and cheeks, eyes bloodshot and blue , mixing into this noxious purple. He frowns at her. "Hey KP," he whimpers.

"Um… hi," she sighs. "Ron, um… I'm sorry but this is inappropriate. I don't want you here. Ever."

Ron just kinda stares at her, almost like he didn't hear that. "Sorry, KP," he whines. "I just figured you'd want to talk to someone… since you, ya know, killed that guy."

Kim blinks.

Shego wasn't very sympathetic when Kim tried to get into it, and she's still processing it.

Dammit. She needs to talk to someone about it. She really does. And Ron is standing right there, apparently willing to listen.

"Alright," she groans, throwing a coat on, already hating herself for allowing this.