Well, hello there and what's up...
I don't actually know what I thinking when I am writing this story but then again, this has been a story of celebration ever since watching the Deadpool and Wolverine movie and while I supposed to go towards Akame ga Kill...
Nothing important from it all much...
I rather just go with this route because I do need a Triage X folder and here is the closest thing I can do, basically.
Well, that aside, if you guys don't know Triage X, all that you don't know is what will happen if you combined Akame ga Kill, Black Lagoon and Highschool of the Dead, more so on the latter considering how much related to it's sister.
I will admit that it isn't exactly as famous as what I can expect but if it has fanservice and attractive anime girls, then I'm sold.
You can call me a perverted gooner and I do not deny it.
So, let me just do this story because it is what I want and that's it.
Now, on with the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Triage X, Deadpool and 'Triage X: First Shot' by 'echoranger7'. They belong to their respective owners.
Enjoy.
The silence of Tobiaka City's night was usually broken by the distant hum of traffic or the occasional stray cat. Tonight, however, the quiet was shattered by a guttural cry of pain, followed by a high-pitched shriek. In the heart of the city's central park, a drama was unfolding, one that was quickly turning from terrifying to utterly absurd.
"C'mon, babe~ I promise I'll give you a pretty good time~" The thug's voice was a greasy purr, his hand already tugging at the woman's shirt. His face was a mask of predatory lust, his eyes glinting in the dim moonlight. The woman beneath him thrashed, her screams muffled against his rough palm. This was not going to end well.
Then, with the satisfying crack of bone meeting bone and a strangled yelp, the thug was sent flying sideways by a powerful kick to the groin. He landed in a heap, clutching his family jewels as if they were the last vestiges of his dignity. The woman, disheveled and trembling, scrambled away, pulling her torn shirt around her.
"Some would call this 'plot convenience' but hey, who am I to complain." A voice chimed, oddly casual amidst the chaos.
The woman looked up, her eyes wide with a mixture of fear and disbelief. Standing before her was a figure that defied any normal description. He wore a skin-tight red suit with black accents, a mask obscuring his face with unnervingly white eyes and dark circles, and enough bandoliers and weapons to start a small war. Two katanas were strapped to his back, and he seemed to be oozing an unsettling, yet strangely amicable, energy.
Her voice shook as she asked, "Wh-who are you?"
The masked figure turned his head towards her, his white eyes fixed intently before he spoke, "Never fear, citizen. I have come to keep your virgin hole safe, for I am the one and only…" he paused for dramatic effect, "…Marvel Jesus!"
The woman blinked, utterly confused. "What?"
"Just kidding, I'm Deadpool, by the way. You know, the Merc With The Mouth, and I am here because the author is a huge fan of a movie that I starred in that lets me be with, I would like you to guess but it rhymes with 'Pulverine'." Deadpool launched into a rapid-fire introduction, seemingly oblivious to the woman's bewildered state.
"What?" she repeated, her confusion growing with each passing second.
"Awed? Well, I don't blame you. Just don't think this story will actually get by anything done because the author has the creativity of a flat board if he keeps on taking 'inspiration'," Deadpool made air quotes around the word, "from a website that knows only to make 'cringed'. Yeah, I said it, you dumb ass fucking cringed assholes who have no idea how to be creative with everything. I mean, come on. I know I'm not an expert at writing stories or how I failed my English test which I still remind that crotchety old prick of a teacher that I'M FUCKING TRYING…" he yelled, his voice echoing across the park. "But come on, can't you guys ever do anything right?"
"What!?" The woman exclaimed, her fear intensifying as she witnessed this bizarre display of manic rambling.
Deadpool suddenly seemed to remember her presence, his head tilting slightly. "Can you please just leave? You've already outlived being a damsel in distress. I don't want this story to be like Disney." He complained, before waving his hand dismissively. The woman didn't need to be told twice. She scrambled to her feet and fled, disappearing into the shadows of the park.
Deadpool watched her go, then turned his attention back to the groaning thug, who was attempting to stand up. "Oh, stop being such a drama queen. I got kicked in the crotch and you don't hear me complaining about it…" he then paused, "or maybe I did. I don't know. A lot of writers always make different versions of me in every comic issue and the less said about my Ultimate version, the better."
The thug, his face contorted in pain and anger, growled, "Y-you… Do you realize what you've done? Who I'm working for?"
"Not a clue." Deadpool shrugged, "Let me guess, is it McDonalds? No, wait. This is Japan. What's the Japanese version of McDonalds here? I'm not trying to be racist. I'm just trying to be-"
The thug pulled a knife, its blade glinting ominously in the moonlight. He pointed it at Deadpool who dramatically announced, "Oh no. You showed me my own weakness."
The thug looked at the knife, confused. "Knives?"
"Yes. A weapon for compensating one's masculinity. Oh no." Deadpool said in mocking dramatic tone.
"You're making fun of me!?" The thug roared, his anger reaching a boiling point.
"Oh, no. I was just complimenting on how you have a face only a mother could love. Yes, I'm making fun of you. What? Do I need to spell it out for you?" Deadpool complained, "Well, I'm sorry but if you know my life at school, all that you know is-"
The thug charged, knife held high. Deadpool, with a sigh, casually drew one of his katanas, his movements surprisingly swift and precise. A blur of silver, a sickening thud, and the thug's hand was lying on the ground, detached from its owner. The man screamed, a high-pitched, ear-splitting shriek of agony.
Deadpool wiped the blood from his blade on his suit, sheathed the katana, and strolled over to the writhing thug. Grabbing him by his shirt, he brought their faces close, his white eyes boring into the thug's. "Listen, pal. I am in a hurry right now, and if you don't tell me where your boss is… well…" He pulled out one of his pistols, the black barrel glinting menacingly inches away from the man's temple. "Now, where is he?"
The thug's eyes widened with terror, his trembling lips parting to answer. The once fierce predator was now nothing more than a terrified, whimpering creature.
Deadpool rolled his eyes, "Oh, come on. Not another one of these whiny criers. Can't anyone be a tough guy for more than five minutes? What does it even take? And just don't go on about your past life being the reason why you did what you did. I mean, come on, I have my own reasons why I became this. And no, I'm not going to tell you."
The thug then starts to stutter, finally getting the words out, "H-he's… he's at the… the warehouse district… N-near the docks… t-the old fish factory…"
"Okay, good. That wasn't so hard, was it?" Deadpool said before pulling a duct tape from one of his many pockets and proceeds to duct tape the wound before he starts to question, "Hey, author, why did I have duct tape on me if I'm not going to use it on my wound? It's like giving me a gun that doesn't have bullets."
Deadpool then shook his head, "Anyways, thanks for the info. Now, die." He said as he shoots him in the head, killing him.
He then looked at the audience, "So, any comments about it? I know I'm not that great but come on, I've come a long way to where I am now, right? I mean, can't people give me a break… hey!" He yelled as he's now gone, presumably going to the warehouse district as he said.
The cavernous warehouse reeked of stale motor oil and desperation. Stacks of cardboard boxes lined the concrete floor, each one a promise of illicit riches. The Boss, a hulking man with a face like a clenched fist, watched with satisfaction as his crew loaded the final crate onto the waiting truck. This was it. Their biggest haul. Enough to buy them a slice of paradise, or at least a very extravagant weekend. He peeled back the flap of a box, revealing packets of white powder nestled inside. He grinned, imagining the faces of his buyers, the stacks of cash they'd exchange for this 'products'. This was the life. Success was practically oozing from the walls.
"Alright, boys," he bellowed, his voice rough as gravel. "Let's get this show on the - "
Suddenly, the warehouse door crashed inwards with a deafening clang. Standing amidst the splintered wood was... Deadpool. Clad in his red and black suit, he looked as out of place as a flamingo in a coal mine.
A hush fell over the room. The Boss and his men stared, bewildered and frankly, a little intimidated. Deadpool, however, seemed perfectly at home.
"Alright, listen up, you delightful denizens of delinquency!" he chirped, his voice echoing in the vast space. "This isn't personal, you understand? See, the author, bless his little heart, he just felt the need for a bit of a…story, you know? Some people just can't appreciate the, uh, average, at best, standard of entertainment. And honestly? I'm bored, so here we are." He gestured around with a sweep of his hand, taking in the whole operation. "Big boxes of drugs, eh? Very... cliché."
The Boss, his face turning a shade of purple that would make Barney blush, roared, "Who the hell are you?! And what do you think you're doing?!"
Deadpool turned to the audience, a manic grin spreading across his mask. "Oh, you guys are gonna love this! Remember that time with Wolverine? Yeah? Okay, well, we're going for arespectfulversion of that… or at least what I consider respectable. Get ready for… MAXIMUM EFFORT!"
And with that, chaos erupted. Deadpool then takes out his signature dual katanas and pistols as from out of nowhere, NSYNC's 'Bye Bye Bye' suddenly blasted from an unseen source as he launched into a ballet of carnage. Bullets flew, blades sliced, and the warehouse became a macabre dance floor as he spun, twirled, murdered and mutilate all the criminals with a disturbing, yet undeniable level of pizzazz. Gangsters fell like dominoes, their cries of pain and surprise swallowed by the pounding beat and Deadpool's maniacal laughter.
Even the Boss is not exempt as he is killed by having a grenade shoving into his mouth, killing him with an explosion.
Finally and oh so suddenly, Deadpool has one of his katanas sank deep into a criminal's posterior, while another found its mark in a particularly sensitive spot for another poor sod. The screams that followed were high-pitched and full of pure, unadulterated agony.
Deadpool cringed at what he did as he said, "Sorry, the author has a really sick and twisted mind. He like this part better."
"Please! Make it stop!" one of the victims wailed, tears streaming down his face.
"Mangold Tried," Deadpool simply stated as he began to resume his horrific torture of the criminals and their dignity.
Just as he continues on his ballet of death, the warehouse doors were once again thrown open, this time revealing a phalanx of Tobioka Police Force officers, led by Isoroku Tatara and Konomi Suzue. Guns drawn, they cautiously advanced, taking in the carnage before them, their faces a mask of shock and disgust, especially when they see what Deadpool is doing.
"What the hell happened here?!" Tatara demanded, his voice tight with revulsion. "Freeze! Put your hands up!"
Deadpool, knee-deep in the carnage, gestured towards the impaled criminals. "Hey, hey, now, it's not what it looks like, guys! Well, okay, maybe it is. But, uh..." He then proceeded to push and pull at the hapless criminals, their screams echoing off the warehouse walls. "I swear, it's for art!"
Suzue looked like she was about to vomit. "You sick, twisted freak!" she yelled.
"Hands in the air, now!" Tatara barked.
Deadpool then takes out his two katanas from the criminals, wiping the blood off as they writhed in pain, sighed dramatically as he said, "Oh, I'd love to, officers, but you see, the author is a cheating bastard who clearly has a thing for robots. And now, I gotta say… Bye Bye Bye!" With a flourish, he tossed a smoke bomb at the officers' feet. The warehouse filled with thick, gray smoke, and by the time it cleared, Deadpool was gone.
The officers coughed and sputtered, looking around in confusion. Finally, a distorted whisper seemed to come from the floor.
Deadpool, peeking from beneath a pile of empty boxes, looked directly at the audience. He then said, "Well, my readers. Hope you enjoy the story. Now, I don't know if could become anime protagonist but what do you think? Do I look like I can fit to the whole setting of how much the author is a perverted piece of shit? Well, don't worry cause you're not alone because I..." Deadpool then display his fingers in front of him and said, "Am out."
He then started to crawl on the box he is, constantly saying, "Sneaking, sneaking, sneaking..." As the Tobioka Police Force continue on their search around the area.
Well, hope you guys enjoyed the story. If you have anymore ideas, let me know in the comments below.
As always...
Ciao...