Lost Moments

Chapter 6: Lost Moments

The trek through the woods was a boisterous one. It had been easy enough to avoid the other patrols, and they only crossed a couple of teenage monsters that paid them little to no mind at all, which was fine with Sans. Papyrus chatted amicably the entire way, inroducing Frisk to his numerous puzzles proudly. The child eagerly devoted attention to each and every one as they progressed further and further toward the end of the forest. They even seemed to be having fun, hopping through snowbanks and flipping the carefully laid out switches that Papyrus had arranged in different shapes to confound humans. And yet, Frisk solved each and every one of his puzzles. They occasionally stopped when a puzzle became difficult, and looked at something in the distance, and Sans silently watched as they tilted their head a little each time. Almost as if they were trying to listen to something.

And promptly afterwards, they proceeded through Papyrus's carefully constructed maze of switches without pausing, without hesitation, solving it with a blank expression on their face. If anything, this only spurred Papyrus on further, gleefully bounding ahead to the next 'trap' to ensure that it was ready for them. Frisk was left standing alone with Sans in the snow, huddled in on themselves as they shivered in the snow.

"… Cool trick."

Frisk jumped at the sound of Sans's voice, not having even noticed that he was directly behind them. They swerved on the spot, fiddling with their sleeves without looking at him.

"I mean," he continued casually with his hands in his pockets when they remained silent. "It's pretty amazing how you manage to solve all those puzzles of his. Almost like you knew the answer ahead of time or something."

"I don't," Frisk shook their head, looking away quietly. "I just have a… different perspective now and then."

They were constantly avoiding his gaze, holding their hands together beneath their sleeves, almost as if they were trying to hold their own hand. They knelt down in the snow as if looking for something for a moment, like there was something there that he couldn't see. Their hair fell down over their eyes when they looked up at him, and Sans felt an extremely uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. It wasn't often that he had the feeling, and after a while it became easy to ignore, but he recognized it for what it was. It was the same feeling that he always got a little bit before a RESET occurred. He suddenly felt the strong urge to simply remove himself from the situation, to just get away and be close to his brother again, something was wrong and he couldn't put his finger on what. After a moment the feeling passed, and he found himself simply staring at the shivering child.

"… You alright there, buddy?" Sans asked after a moment, forcing a small grin.

"Just c-cold," Frisk shook their head, frowning a little when they looked at him.

Brown.

Their irises were brown . Not red.

Sans's mind raced, thinking. Was that a normal human trait? Could they change the color of their eyes? It didn't necessarily seem like something that they could do as he'd never heard of the ability in humans, it would likely require some form of medical procedure with them (or colored contact lenses, as stupid as that idea seemed) since they obviously didn't have any form of magic to do so. He very, very briefly wondered if perhaps it had simply been a trick of the light, if he was beginning to hallucinate from excessive magic buildup and stress. It wouldn't be the first time. Maybe he had just made a genuine mistake.

Somehow, he doubted it.

Sans sighed after a moment, shifting his shoulders and shuffling toward them. They flinched at his approach, but he shrugged off his jacket and placed it around their shoulders. They looked up at him in mild shock, thin eyebrows high.

"Cold doesn't bother me as much," he shrugged again simply. "I've got thick skin."

Frisk giggled lightly, beaming up at him. It wasn't often that he heard them laugh at all. It was… kind of refreshing. He found himself relaxing a little in spite of himself, grin widening.

"Come on, kiddo," he tilted his head in the direction that Papyrus had run off. "Paps is up ahead with another puzzle or something. Thanks for playing with him today, by the way. He doesn't get to have this much fun very often."

"I'm having fun, too," Frisk gave a little smile of their own, looking ahead. "We- I kind of like puzzles."

"D'you think you can kind of like catching up on your own?" Sans rolled his shoulders. "I'm gonna go check on Paps real quick, he's taking an awful long time."

Frisk simply nodded with the same little smile, and Sans began the slow trudge toward his brother, feeling the snow crunch under his slippers. They would be fine on their own for a little bit. His worry for his brother outweighed the nagging paranoia to constantly watch the anomaly.

Yeah.

Maybe this time, things would be different.

He made sure that he was a fair distance away from Frisk before teleporting. He wasn't quite sure why, he just wasn't all that comfortable doing it in front of them.

Besides, he had to keep up his mysterious air somehow.

He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding as he materialized with a little pop of displaced air, stepping out of the void directly behind the kneeling skeleton in front of him. Papyrus had a wrench in one gloved hand, furiously fiddling with a propped up puzzle tile with a number screws of colored wires attached.

"How's it goin', Paps?"

Papyrus jolted a little, frowning at the shorter skeleton.

"You know I hate it when you do that, brother," Papyrus grumbled before shaking his head, the slight already forgotten. "I'm just having a little bit of trouble with this puzzle tile. It won't activate properly."

"What'cha mean?" Sans squatted down slightly next to his brother.

"… Where's your jacket?" Papyrus blinked after a moment, lowering the tile a little to stare levelly at him. "Sans, that-that was your favorite jacket. Did something happen?"

"Nah," he shrugged quietly, focusing intently on the machinery beneath the puzzle. "Kid was cold."

"Sans…" Papyrus gave him a very curious look. "You never take that ratty old thing off."

"Says mister 'I wear my battle body in the shower'."

"Sans," he frowned slightly. "I'm serious. I didn't even think about them being cold, we have plenty of spare coats."

"Eh, I doubt any of your old coats would fit the kid very well," Sans plopped fully into the snow, crossing his legs to further examine the puzzle. It would appear as if one of the wires had frozen over, he probably just needed to make a couple of light adjustments. "Could you imagine what they'd even look like in that great big brown one of yours?"

"Oh my god," Papyrus snickered a little, rolling his eyes and correcting the wires that Sans pointed out to him. "Probably about as adorable as you looked that time you tried it on."

"Can we please forget about that already…" Sans groaned into his hands.

"Absolutely not!" he chirruped proudly. "Good lord, Sans, you looked like a little bitty skeleton trying to play grown up-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Sans hid the rush of blue in his cheeks behind his hands, thoroughly humiliated. "You don't have to rub it in how I'm the short one."

"I only do it because I love you, brother," Papyrus patted him gently on the shoulder with a kind smile, earning a grin back from Sans.

"… Well, that and because it's fun to irritate you."

"I knew it!" Sans crowed victoriously, throwing his hands in the air.

They both looked at each other blankly before bursting out laughing. Sans felt a little swell in his chest as Papyrus proudly stood and dusted the snow from himself. He hadn't realized just how much he missed hanging out with his brother again. It felt like it had been years and years ago, but yet, here they were again. He almost didn't recognize the feeling for what it was, it had been so long, but when he did, it warmed him from his chest to his feet.

He was, for the first time in a long time, genuinely happy.

Sans felt the sudden wrench of everything beneath his feet being yanked away, his body falling through infinite cold void as he crashed back into reality, his mind reeling heavily from the pain of memories that didn't belong, that hadn't happened, that wouldn't happen all crashing together in one horrible moment.

"You know I hate it when you do that, brother," Papyrus grumbled before shaking his head. "I'm just having a little bit of trouble brother, are you alright?"

"Yeah," Sans found himself answering, trying not to be sick in front of his brother. He moved to stick his hands in his pockets before letting them swing by his side, the weight of everything that had just happened hitting him as well. "Just peachy, bro."

He was happy.

For just a brief moment, he was finally, finally happy.

And the anomaly had, once again, cruelly ripped it away from him in an instant.

He finally had a nice moment with his brother that he might have actually remembered. And now it was lost. He felt his chest tighten in rage at the little moment between his brother and him that had been forcefully removed from existence, his fists clenching hatefully as he took a few steps back toward Frisk to give them a piece of his mind -

He was yanked back through reality and found himself standing in the same place he had rematerialized behind Papyrus, stomach churning horribly as his vision swam from the pain. He let out a gasp and fell to his knees, surprising the taller skeleton.

"Sans?" Papyrus jolted up, quickly dusting the snow from himself. "Are you alright, brother?"

Sans responded by puking violently into the snow in front of him.

"Oh god," Sans blubbered incoherently. "Oh god oh god please no it's happening again it hurts make it stop make it stop… !"

"Sans!" Papyrus lifted him up firmly, panic in his eyes. "Hold on brother, I'm going to take care of everything, just -!"

Sans collapsed to his knees in the snow as the universe was pulled back like taffy once again, not even blinking when Papyrus jumped at his arrival.

"Green wire," he wheezed, catching his eye before summoning his magic and teleporting as quickly as he could.

This wasn't just random resetting, it couldn't be. They were doing this on purpose, they were doing it to punish him for his sins, waiting for him to finally open up a little and then stabbing him where it hurt and god did it hurt it was never going to end why were they doing this and it didn't even matter because when he found them he was going to make sure that they never did it again god help them he would rain suffering down on them the likes of which they had never seen-

Sans gasped breathily as he fell out of the shortcut, lights in his eye sockets whirling wildly as he searched for the anomaly. They weren't where he left them, that was for sure. There was a small set of tracks in the snow giving away their location though, leading in the opposite direction that he and Papyrus had traveled. Why would they bother heading back toward Snowdin?

He stumbled in the snow, his legs still feeling like jelly from the resets as he forced a burst of magic, teleporting ahead to where he hoped they were, consequences be damned.

"Please !"

He froze at the sound of Frisk's pleading, horrible familiarity crashing back in on him. He had heard that soft, weeping cry before. Too many times. Far, far too many times.

"Please," he spotted them a short distance ahead, gripping a stick (where did they get a weapon?) and holding it at shaking arm's length in front of Doggo, who was wildly brandishing one of his favorite knives at them. "Please, mister, I-I don't wanna fight!"

"Hey!" Sans shouted hoarsely, earning a shocked look from Frisk, who whipped their head toward him instantly.

Unfortunately, this was all the distraction that was required. Sans watched as the large dagger plummeted downward, slicing cleanly into their face. Frisk screamed as blood sprayed from the slice onto the snow beneath them, their voice torn as they fell. Sans felt rooted to the spot as they continued to scream in agony, writhing only a moment before Doggo's dagger came plunging hard into their chest. They twitched only for a moment, and Sans watched as the blood pooled into the snow, their one good eye falling on him, watching, crying, begging-

"Green !" Sans screamed as soon as he materialized, and Papyrus fell over from the surprise. He wasted no time in teleporting as fast as he could manage, feeling the strain of magic wearing him thin already.

Snow burst around him in a little cloud as he fell out of the void in front of Doggo's sentry station, hardly taking a breath as he watched the knife fall. He threw out his left hand, screaming incoherently in pain and frustration, in outright fury.

Doggo suddenly found himself jerked through the air as gravity changed direction, his soul a bright flicker of blue. He yelped loudly as he fell against his own sentry station, crashing directly through the wood and smashing his back with a hard SLAM into a nearby tree, cracking it. He fell crumpled sideways after a moment, staring blankly ahead in fear, in pain.

And then he slowly began to turn to dust.

Sans felt his throat clench up as he recoiled at what he had just witnessed, at what he had just done.

"I'm sorry," Frisk was on their knees, weeping openly. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry-"

He had heard it all before.

Sans slowly, carefully walked over to Frisk, feeling a little as if he were still in a dream. They looked up at him briefly, tears falling freely.

"I'm sorry," they repeated over and over again, hugging themselves. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Kid."

Frisk's breathing hitched, freezing them in place.

"Kid. I'm gonna need you to close your eyes for a sec."

"… No," Frisk crumpled instantly, bawling. "No, no no please, please, I'm s-sorry, I'll be good, I can be good, p-please! I'm sorry, please, please don't… !"

"Shh," Sans knelt a little, feeling light and numb at the same time before passing a hand slowly over their face, wiping away some of their tears. He hated himself. He hated them for doing this to him. For making him do this. He hated them so, so much, but it still didn't come close to how much he loathed himself. "Shh. Come on. Kid. Please. Just… just do this for me. Close your eyes."

"I'm so sorry," Frisk wheezed, their nose running a little. "I d-didn't mean for this - I just - please I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll let you do whatever to me I'll be good, I'll be good, I can be good I promise, please - I'm so sorry… !"

Sans let out a quiet, slow breath as the magic was released at long last, feeling the hum of the Gaster Blaster long before he could see it. He could even smell it just before it happened, he knew they could too from the way their nose instinctively scrunched up, their eyes full of fear. It smelled of burning sulfur and darkness and judgment. He looked into their eyes just before he released the blaster hanging above them, acknowledging. Apologizing. That he couldn't bring himself to say what he meant, if only a look could share what he wanted it to.

Their eyes were red.

Sans fell through the void and crashed into the snow behind Papyrus, screaming madly as he fell. Papyrus had the briefest of seconds to yelp in surprise before Sans teleported again, leaving him very confused.

Doggo stood in the same place as before, swinging violently at the cringing child, who had utterly abandoned the stick at this point in favor of barely keeping out of the guard's reach. They glanced up at Sans, the outright terror plain on their features and their knees nearly buckled. Sans didn't notice their expression, though.

Their eyes were brown.

There was a rush of magical exertion as gravity increased, sending Doggo to the ground with a yelp. He rolled and tossed wildly in the snow for a moment, grabbing for his dropped knife. Frisk backed away a step, hands held out before them defensively.

"… Buddy," Sans said as calmly as he could, straining to keep his voice level as he took a step forward.

"Sans!" Doggo barked, struggling to pull himself to his knees against the overwhelming gravity. "You've got to look out, there's a human!"

"I know," Sans said shakily, bouncing a little on his feet to ensure that Doggo could still see him. "That's my kid."

"I - there's - what?" the guard stopped straining to reach his knife, looking uncertainly at the skeleton and back to where he assumed Frisk still was, who was standing as stock still as their shivering self could.

"That's my kid," Sans repeated firmly, earning a strange look from Frisk. "So I would, uh, greatly appreciate it if you would stop swinging that thing around. Eh, buddy?"

"A human," Doggo insisted. "Sans, are you-"

"If you shut up about this I'll buy you a month's worth of dog treats," Sans said desperately.

Doggo considered this for a moment before forcefully pulling himself against the blue magic holding him to the ground, straightening his shirt a little before ruffling his head and sighing.

"I'm gonna get so fired," Doggo grumbled loudly, glowering at him. "I want the good stuff this time."

"Done," Sans replied instantly, reaching out for the trembling Frisk and grabbing their shoulder. He didn't wait another moment before teleporting again, feeling the void warp and twist around him. He had forgotten just how much more of a strain it was, taking another person with him through a shortcut, but at this point he just didn't care anymore. He had to get somewhere else, somewhere safe.

He fell out into reality into his home with Frisk crying in his arms, sobbing hysterically as he knelt on the living room carpet. They scrabbled in his grasp for a moment, pleading and crying as he held them in his lap, his voice coming out hoarse and strained.

"I know," he found himself sobbing in turn, painfully hot tears falling down his bony cheeks as he held them. "I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry babybones. It's okay. It's all gonna be okay now. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, please forgive me. I'm so sorry. It's okay now. It's okay."

Frisk clung to the front of his stained turtleneck weakly, crying and hiccuping into him as their little shoulders shook.

"I d-didn't mean to," Frisk wailed quietly, and Sans only held them tighter. "I j-just wanted to… !"

"It's okay, babybones," Sans shushed them again, blinking furiously and holding them closer, stroking the back of their head gently. "Shh. It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you. That shouldn't have happened, I-I, goddammit, kiddo, I'm so sorry."

"… It's okay," Frisk said softly after a moment, putting a small hand on his cheek and looking up at him sadly. "I… I forgive you."

What in the actual hell was this kid?

He had just vaporized them, after watching them die in front of him. He had pulled them close, betrayed them, broken his one promise to protect them and they looked up at him without anger, without hate, just unmitigated mercy. He had killed them, and they looked him in the eyes with mercy, with love, with forgiveness. With forgiveness that he didn't deserve. Not for what he was. Not after the things he'd done to them.

He felt his soul strain as he fought back a new tide, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling Frisk into a tight hug.

"… I'm gonna do better," he murmured quietly into their ear, giving them a squeeze. "I'm not gonna let something like this happen again. Okay? You can't - you can't just wander off like that."

"I'm sorry," Frisk wiped their eyes with his jacket sleeves. It briefly occurred to him that he really should get that thing washed. Someday. "I'm so sorry, Sans. I'll… I'll be good. I promise. I can be good. I don't… I don't wanna die. It-it really, really hurts. It hurts so, so much."

Sans cringed, feeling bile in his throat as he held them.

"It's gonna be okay, babybones," he pressed his forehead to theirs, forcing a smile. "Promise."

They were left alone in the dark for a little while, simply holding each other and listening to the sound of each other's breathing. He had so many questions running rampant through his mind, but the strain of the resets, the barely restrained magic weighing him down was too much. He was just so exhausted. Sans almost fell asleep with Frisk clinging to his shoulders.

At least until the door was rudely kicked open once again, snow billowing forth as Papyrus brought his booted foot down with a wild stomp, startling them both awake.

"SANS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ."