A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

216. Chapter 218

Merlin Pendragon was tethering on the edge of uncertainty, and wondering for the first time as he stood in that darkened room under the sharp gazes of the three well trained soldiers in front of him, if he should have followed them after all, as he watched Hadrian hesitate to speak, mulling over the words he'd said to them. His solemn promise to the three knights to keep the secret they have been hiding from them ever since their arrival was still hovering in the air right between them, daring to be touched even touch nobody moved to disrupt this barrier that seemed to have formed between him and them. It felt like a vow on his tongue though, the words of what he was and what he wasn't brimming on the tip of it, and Merlin's magic stirred restlessly beneath his veins now that he was in the confirmed presence of someone with magic. He didn't know how he was supposed to proceed after nobody stepped forward to confront him about his vow… his promise to keep their magic hidden as well as he's been keeping his own. He was awkward beneath his own skin, nearly wilting now that he was under the weighty stare of those who were clearly far more experienced in the ways of magic than he was. Merlin knew how to unlock a door and could make things float or move, could create air tunnels and draw inanimate objects from their casings, and yes, he could even somewhat draw forth the energies in the air to make weaponry. But Merlin could hardly do whatever ritualistic feat that he'd been bearing witness to before he was caught, and for a boy whose only been introduced to what magic could do from the singular book Gaius gave to him, this new and unknown magic he had been seeing looked more impressive than anything he had ever done.

Merlin wanted to know what they had been trying to do…

Merlin wanted to know why the stripes of clay had faded away…

Merlin wanted to know if the ritual had been successful since they did…

Merlin wanted to know how they even knew how to do a ritual, since the group would have been too young to know it when Uther started his raids on Magic…

Merlin wanted to know anything and everything, and didn't even know where to start his questions…

Or if he would be allowed to ask them, if the three men didn't trust his word.

All Merlin had for so long was his word, but once he had been forced to start lying more and more in order to keep his own secrets hidden, even that felt as if it had faded away at some point.

"How the bloody hell are we supposed to trust something like that!" Exclaimed the blonde haired and pointy faced man standing just behind Hadrian's broadly made shoulder, making Merlin's eyes snap onto him, the one man who he had been avoiding contact with, though it seemed as if he was the only one that'd been surprised by the outburst. Yes, Hadrian was the one that had first caught his eye, and he was the leader of the group so it was him who Merlin should've been making peace with, but it was Draconis who Merlin knew, without a doubt now that he's seen it, was magic. Draconis was the angry one who has tried to get on Merlin's bad side ever since the two of them had met, and yet, he might be the only one that truly understood one single thing about the life Merlin has been living. A man in power hiding a secret that could only bring about ruin to himself and the people he cared about most in the world. Yes… it looked as if it was Draconis, as surprising as that sounded to Merlin, who might understand him in a way that not even his uncle, try as he might, could. And yet, Draconis was looking at him not like a friend or even an ally against this pointless war on their people, but instead with disgust that borderlines on hatred and complete mistrust. "You are the Consort of Camelot, the one who shows no fear even as you are being faced with man or animal, magical or non-magical. You are even the husband of the Great Arthur Pendragon, who is destined to follow straight into his father's footsteps and will probably make his mark on the throne when he does the one thing his father never could, and wiping the rest of us who are left behind after the fires of the pyres burned their lasts from the very face of the planet. Perhaps they are calling you Consort Merlin, the Savior who risked his life to save peasants from a catastrophe in the castle square, and they may even be calling you Consort Merlin, the Merciful, who looked at two men who'd tried to kill him and then gave them a chance to redeem themselves. But all I'm able to see is a Pendragon. You married into a family of monsters. And that will only ever make me see you for what you really are… you are not any savior if it comes to me and mine. And I know you will not show us a hint of mercy when you turn on us."

Draconis held spite and anger with every word that he spoke to Merlin, and the words themselves were so vile that it made the consort curl in on himself to try and get away from them. He could already feel the clog of wet sorrow trying to seal his throat shut, strangling him as if there was a noose that'd already been fitted around his throat that he had somehow missed before, a certain wetness clinging to his eyelashes just like all the times Merlin's shed tears after he lived through whatever horrible incident Arthur had dragged him through. He wasn't afraid of the men like he had once been afraid of Arthur. Just like Hadrian said to Draconis earlier… it would be really unwise to kill him, especially since they were currently at a very isolated estate, and the suspect list whenever he went missing would be desperately low, and all the attention going straight towards the strangers. Something they, as magic users, would have wanted to avoid at all costs. But there was something about Draconis and the way he had spoken to him that made Merlin feel as if he was… as if he was still the same little boy who had crumbled into dust the second Arthur started becoming mean around him. Merlin had come so far during these last few weeks alone, but now being under the scrutiny of somebody who was… who was like him in a way!… made all of those feelings come rushing back to him.

He was so inadequate that not even somebody magic wanted him around.

Merlin could never tell them what he really was, for fear that they would decide he was a traitor to his own kind because his marriage to Arthur may as well be seen as him turning his back on his own kind.

Merlin was a lost cause, who would never find safety among his own kind.

Merlin was an outcast, both in the normal world and in the magical one living in tandem beside it.

Merlin had one foot in both worlds, but would be thrown out by both either due to his marriage or his magic.

His newfound titles spit out of him as if they were trash.

And Merlin was…

He was…

Unwanted.

"Draconis, I know that you have many grievances when it comes to the ruling of the Pendragon family, but taking it out on Merlin just because he decided to marry one isn't going to fix what is happening right now. I am sure screaming at our royal highness here may only make him see us as unstable, and will only cause him to run to his husband the second we are forced to let him go." Said Hadrian, his ever steady and calm voice hiding the fear and worry that was still present in his green eyed gaze. Draconis seemed to bristle under that tone, as he sent a deep glare in his boyfriend's direction, even as he backed down after seeing Hadrian had a point. Screaming at somebody did usually cause normal people to run as fast as they could to something that was safe and secure and comfortable. And obviously, to the three knights, they had no reason to believe that place for Merlin wouldn't be his husband's arms. But the arms of that man had never been someplace Merlin had found shelter in. And Merlin was simply …lost. Magic was supposed to speak to magic, and yet, Merlin was too scared to do the one thing that might actually put them at ease. If they knew who he was, then surely they would understand he knew the importance of keeping it secret. Then surely they would know that he had no loyalty to the kingdom or to his husband. They were all just a responsibility that he hadn't asked for but had taken on, nonetheless. And Merlin almost didn't know what to do when the leader of the three finally turned back to him, "I do hope that you will overlook the outburst that came from Draconis, my lord. He is simply… overwhelmed by all of this, as I am sure that you can imagine. He means no disrespect to either you or your husband. He simply wishes to… protect us. If you do not mind the question coming from somebody who mingles with magic, I would like to ask a question before you do anything that… determines our fate."

Before he has all three of them, plus the three girls who were in on it, marched out to a pyre that would be set up on the front yards of the estate, Merlin filled in the blanks, trying in vain to swallow past the lump in his throat. Vaguely, the consort knew what Hadrian was doing. The way the man had called him a lord, when he had never done so before, clearly indicated his wish to try and get on Merlin's good side, by appreciating to the vain nature that all nobles carried on them in spades. And the way he had said 'mingles with magic', was clearly this reminder to Merlin that Hadrian was going to stand with the confirmed magical sorcerer standing at his side, whether or not he had any magic of his own. And as Uther had already proven in the past with Gwen and most likely countless of others Merlin didn't even know about, he was more than willing to kill the ones who were simply suspected of witchcraft. Those who openly supported it were probably no better than the actual sorcerers, in Uther's eyes, and in Merlin's to the three knights knowledge. Hadrian was making sure, if Merlin turned around and turned Draconis over to Arthur for witchcraft, then he would burn with the rest of them. That… there was a loyalty in that act that was almost inspirational to people who could only strive to have that kind of loyalty from people. Merlin would never want the people he cared about to die for him or his secret, but to know that they would if he was ever discovered… it was terrifying. And here he was, feeling as if his skin had shrunk two sizes too small for his bone structure but Merlin still found the nerve to shakily nod his head without a word, silently telling Hadrian to go ahead and ask his question. Even if they were invasive in nature, he was positive that nothing could hurt him worse than what he'd been told already by Draconis. Being seen as nothing more than just an Arthur clone left… a mark on him. And just when Merlin had thought his skin had grown until it was thick enough that anything Arthur did—even trying to murder him—could only bounce off of him, something new had found its way to scar him.

"If you've known about us for almost two days now, then why haven't you said anything before now?"

Hadrian's question felt very loaded, as his gaze flickered between Merlin's two eyes in order to see any deceit the consort might be trying to spin him, but the young sorcerer in hiding felt very much like he had a loaded crossbow trained on him. And very likely only two seconds away from shooting the arrow so that it would pierce straight through Merlin's skull, far faster than he could even so much as blink. And Merlin had to, of course… stare back at Hadrian and gather the answer to that question onto his tongue. He knew why… of course he knew why he bloody hell didn't tell anybody about them. Like Hell Merlin would have given up sorcerers that, as far as he could tell, weren't crazy on their power or trying to kill off somebody. Merlin hadn't even told Gaius what he knew, since that would have been basically outing them. And this… it wasn't Merlin's actual secret to tell, and as long as nobody was in danger of what they were doing in here, then there was no reason for him to tell anybody. But the question had to be ask… as a fellow sorcerer himself, Merlin understood the suspicion that one had when the secret was found out but you weren't being arrested for it. If this was Merlin—hell, it had been Merlin just a month ago when Lancelot had found him out—then he would assume the other person wanted something. They may want to blackmail him into doing spells for them in order to keep them quiet, or they might want something else from him that led them to dangling his life and freedom above his head. Hadrian was trying to figure out whether or not that's Merlin's agenda here, and the consort had to squeeze his eyes tightly when he felt pain just looking at Hadrian for a second longer.

He was a threat to them.

He was a threat to himself.

He was a threat to everyone around him.

Merlin knew he only needed to say three little words to make the heartache he felt in his chest crease to exist. All he needed to say was… I'm a sorcerer… and that would fix everything. Merlin could hopefully talk to these men, maybe see about sharing knowledge and stories and laugh about the craziest things they have had to do in order to keep other people from discovering them. The four of them—seven, if one counted the girls and whatever their part in this whole mess actually was—could actually be open with each other. Share in the bond that only people who has had to hide who they were their ENTIRE LIVES could possibly understand. Have valuable ally's that may come in handy if Merlin got himself in a spot of trouble somewhere down the line and needed extra help to survive it. Have… he could have FRIENDS that could understand him whenever he talked about the loneliness that came from being the only one he knew that could do a fraction of the things that he could do. That kind of future was just in reach, if these men accepted him as one of them, and to get it, all he had to do was speak up and claim it. But things were a bit more… complicated than it should be.

Merlin was used to hiding.

Merlin had been hiding who he was for nineteen bloody years, and the kind of weight his secret had placed on his shoulders was the kind that made it quite difficult to bear. Even made him feel like he had aged far more countless years than his peers actually were sometimes, when his dark thought about how this magic of his must be a curse, would hit him the hardest. And except for those in his family, and Will, who he had grown up with and was practically a brother to him anyway, he was fully prepared to keep this secret for as many years that he might have left. His mother had all but BEATEN into his head how important it was to not speak about the things he could do, that even people he thought he could trust might be willing to turn on him, and even now, Merlin felt almost aa if he was going to vomit from trying to force his secret out only for it to get clogged somewhere in his throat. His mother's urgent whispers in the dead of night where nobody could hear them echoing in his mind even now… he had to protect himself. Because what if Hadrian and his friends were caught by some other person later on down the line? What if they made a deal to this person to try and spare their own lives? What if they turned Merlin in, knowing how much traction it would get if the Consort of Camelot was outed? Could Merlin do this and actually stake his life on trusting these strangers, magical or not? Lancelot finding out about him had been terrifying enough, but the bond between them had been real right from the start, and he had found out on his own. It's not as if Merlin actually TOLD HIM the secret. Merlin couldn't help the circumstances that had led to Lancelot figuring him out. But he had a choice here, right now, but he… he didn't know if he could speak about such matters. Yes, even after Draconis had slashed at him with his words and verbally knocked him down to nothing, Merlin still wanted to be kin with them. He wanted to have it so bad it almost ached inside of him… to be magically connected to someone like that is something Merlin had never had and never really understood how much he has wanted until he was faced with them now. But… Merlin swallowed down all that he wanted to tell them.

He couldn't do it.

Merlin couldn't speak his secret truths to them.

To these strangers with their cautious eyes and cruel words and well-crafted weapons.

Even Uncle Gaius had been warning him from the start not to trust people with what he could do.

Merlin lowered his gaze down onto the ground in front of him, taking each and every bit of emotion he had that felt as if it was trying to overwhelm him, so he could lock it up tight and secure in a box inside of him. The little place living in his heart that had been forged and formed because of Arthur's cruelty toward him. He had used to use it frequently, in order to shove all the hurt and all the pain he had been living through in those early days, so that he could feel it all as acutely as he had been. It had worked for a time, allowing Merlin to make it through the mundane days that seemed to pass him by without any change or color to his world. Eventually though, the box had been splintered to the point where he had felt everything as if it was glass hacking away at him from within and making it impossible to escape or numb the pain from other methods. This was, Merlin supposed, what had led to him eventually trying to end everything when he had drunk that poisoned goblet. Merlin didn't much use the box these days, preferring to use the raw energy of despair he would feel so deeply after he first started recovering when he had woken up, to motivate him as a means of proving he could get better. Ironically, the very pain that had caused him so much agony, was the exact kick up his arse that he had needed to become this much stronger version of himself. Somebody that he needed to be because he refused to ever be weak again. Being weak had put him in the position of being destroyed by Arthur in the first place. Being weak was why he was feeling as if he had been rejected by the knights who didn't even know or understand how he was almost exactly like them.

"You asked me why I didn't speak about what you are when I had opportunities to do so… it's because I know what it's like to fear Camelot."

Merlin's words came out as a shaky exhale, a breath of air born out of guilt as he shut away the idea of telling them what he really was completely. He could not risk them turning against him if things went badly. And Merlin… he was far stronger than this pale imitation he had turned himself back into when he had started being yelled at by Draconis. Merlin had already sworn many moons ago that he would never allowed himself to be knocked down again. He had made a promise to himself, a promise made on the very wedding ring that had been a chain to him before he tucked it away into a drawer never to be seen again. He had PROMISED on that ring that he would never allow himself to cower in front of a Camelot knight again. He would stand tall in front of them… be the bloody consort that demanded control and respect while not compromising who he's wanting to be on the inside. It was a difficult balance for Merlin to maintain but he seemed to be doing it well enough. It had been quite a while since he found himself threatened due to a man in armor. Even Arthur now trying to get rid of him wasn't enough to make Merlin throw away all the hard work he has done in the last two months to gather enough strength to become an entirely new man on the block. He wasn't going to allow these three knights in front of him bring him back to those impossible days. Not now… not ever. But Merlin knew words about trusting him was not going to do any of them any favors. He'd been right after all, to not trust Arthur when he had kept swearing that he would become a different man and make things right with him. The prince had only lasted just a few months—longer than Merlin had thought he would, but it hadn't lasted—before he decided to give up and kill him. So, he had to give these man a new secret… one that was just as vital and just as serious and just as important as it would be if he had revealed himself to be a sorcerer.

And Merlin only had one to offer them.

"The reason that you don't trust me, you said, is because I'm married to a man who is the son of the man who would order your execution the second that he knew you were conspiring with magic. I am the Consort of the Kingdom who's done what no other kingdom has done, and has made it illegal to practice such crafts. In the kingdom of Esstier, you would have been forced to used magic to fight in the king's battles that you yourself don't believe in, nothing more than a weapon he'll dispose of the second you get too broken to be used. And had you been in Bayard's kingdom, you would have been shunned the second that your secret got out, turned away by everybody until you were forced to leave simply because you could not survive with nobody willing to work with you or sell their products to you. I don't know much about the other two kingdoms on the other side of those, but I do know Camelot is the one that will prosecute to the fullest extent that they can, which unfortunately, does mean death for even people only suspected of magic. I can't do much to assure you that I'm not like the Pendragon's and their desire to squash out those who are different. I could only tell you how… sick it makes me feel knowing that the Pendragon's must've killed millions by this point to get where they are now. I'm a Pendragon only by marriage, and… the marriage wasn't my idea. I didn't… I don't marry the prince because I love him."

Merlin didn't allow his anxiety to show on his face as he waited to find out how the three knights were going to react to this most carefully guarded secret. He knew it was probably the biggest secret Camelot had to date, one big well-off lie that had been wrapped into a giant bow and sprinkled with grand, beautiful love stories that would make even the coldest of hearts turn sweet. Uther had worked hard to make sure the contract and the circumstances that had led to this marriage was buried so deeply underground, that nobody but the few that were privy to the news would ever be able to discover it. The only way anyone would know the truth, was if somebody told them. And here Merlin was, telling this secret once again to a new group of people. Uther was going to leave him as nothing more than a bloody stump if he knew what Merlin had just done. He would have had Merlin executed on the spot if he so much as thought Merlin's been blabbing the truth. At least when Merlin had told Lancelot the truth, there was always the added cover of it being an accident. Merlin hadn't meant to tell Lancelot the truth. He could have played the dumb peasant who was unable to understand the importance of lying to an entire country just to make sure that none of them knew their king was a flawed man who had made a mistake in his youth by swearing his son's hand to an unfit person. But this time, it was so far different—in more ways than one—that Merlin wouldn't even know how he was going to get away with explaining this one if he ever got caught. Merlin's here, making a deliberate choice, to speak of things that should have been hidden in the dark for the rest of their days. Merlin should have gone to the grave while holding onto this secret. But when the three knights did nothing more than this brief exchange of confused looks, Merlin knew that he needed to give them a bit more on the explanation front if he was going to win them over.

"Do you really think that a prince somehow managed to find his way across the border of his kingdom and into the small village where I came from, and fell for me at first sight. Do I look like somebody that somebody would fall for the first time they saw me? With my oversized peasant clothes and my big ears and my eyes are apparently too close together, which I heard somebody saying about me some time ago." Merlin said bluntly, gesturing down to himself as if trying to show them that Merlin was NOT the kind of man somebody saw from over a great distance and decided that they must marry him. It had only been one of the many different versions of how Merlin's love story begun with Arthur that he's heard about over the last five months. And Merlin has heard thousands of different stories that people had come up with in order to explain to themself how Arthur had ended up with someone like him, but the version Merlin talked about now felt as if it was the most popular. People ate up all that crap about destined lovers and soulmates and looking across a crowded room and seeing somebody that they just knew was their forever person. Merlin had once eaten up that same crap as well, before Arthur had broken him from such delusions about the realities of the romantic world. "And do you really think that Arthur spent weeks traveling in secret from Camelot to my neck of the woods just so he could court me as if I was one of the ladies of the court that may've caught his eye? I'm just a boy from the middle of nowhere that had the misfortune of being tangled in the schemes of King Uther. Trust me, it's a very long and very complicated story about how I ended up where I ended up, but I'm not married because I wanted to be. All you have to do is look at the way Arthur and I have been behaving around each other. If he really loved me, do you think he would be god knows where right now? Have you, in the short time we've been here in the estate, saw one hint of anything other than the distain that we are holding towards each other. Arthur's… he's not any happier about the arrangement we have. But it's something that we needed to do… something that I needed to do so that I could protect my mother."

Merlin wasn't going to stand here and rehash the whole story once again as he had done when he had been telling Lancelot the truth, there were just so many bad parts to their story that Merlin didn't want to get into. And there were way more bad parts to come, since Arthur had gotten a taste for murder, but that's another whole bottle that Merlin didn't want to open. But at least what little he did tell them, managed to get a reaction out of Hadrian. Merlin was able to see the way Hadrian's eyes had soften after he mentioned needing to do this so he could protect his mother. It was only then that Merlin remembered what Jacqui had told them about Hadrian's family when they had first arrived and he had all but spilled the family history of the three knights to them. How Hadrian ended up orphaned at a very young age because his parents had been killed during a war of some kind that had erupted between many estates in the area. It was a tragedy that Merlin wouldn't have wished upon anybody, and he still didn't feel as if he knew what to do some days without his mother, even though he'd been away from her for five months. But perhaps the tragedy Hadrian had lived with all these years, only made him understand what Merlin meant when he said he would do anything to protect his mother. There had been no telling what kind of backlash Uther would have done to them and their family if Merlin had tried refusing. And his mother… she was everything to Merlin. Even if it was her own name scrawled across the original contract that had been hidden somewhere, which had damned him before he had even been conceived… she was still his mother. And that still meant something to him.

"I am sure that you can understand that the king would have my head if he was to know what I told you. And my marriage to Arthur has… not exactly been this fairytale like you might think being married to a prince would be. I have had to do many things that I have not wanted to do since we wedded." Merlin said, as he grimaced while remembering some of the awful things he's had to do since he had sworn to 'love and to hold' his dearest husband. Even living had been a chore for him for the most part, though Merlin was looking to overcome such a mindset. But being a prince's consort was actual work, and not just fine jewels and endless dinner parties and shiny new toys, and that didn't even take all of the extra bits Merlin's had to endure under the title of consort. Not all consorts walked away as scarred as he's been. "Perhaps you can understand why there is no loyalty in me towards Camelot or the royal family. I have no desire to… try and win points with them or something by turning you in. Like you said, I have already made my own mark on Camelot, and I have no interest in adding being a… witch-finder, or something to that. But I suppose… you know my secret just as I know yours. Different they may be, but the truth getting out would lead to the same consequences, don't you agree?"

There was a moment of silence that hovered in the air of the room, where the staleness of the air felt so think that it could have popped. But Merlin stayed silent, watching as Hadrian shared a look with Draconis and then another look with Ronald. Merlin wasn't entirely sure what was being said with those looks, but it was clear that Hadrian was having a thousand conversations with just a single stare. Hadrian must have had one hell of a relationship with both of the knights if he was able to decipher what they were trying to tell him without one word to explain it themselves. Merlin looked away when he felt the fierce sting of his heart… he didn't think he had ever been so close to somebody that they could tell what he was thinking so intently. That was a sort of bond that might be forged in the ashes of fire and tragedy and surviving something no others would be able to understand. That was the kind of bond that only happened to people who had learned how to watch each other's backs and trusted that the other would be there and knew the other better than they knew themselves. It was a bond Merlin would never have with other people. Perhaps he could find a way to get close to it… he already had a fierce bond with Morgana and Gaius and Gwen and Lancelot, but it didn't feel like the kind of bond these three had in front of him.

Morgana was one of his best friends, and she had already done so much to try and help him accommodate to bring a consort, but… he couldn't have the kind of bond he wanted with somebody he would never be able to know every part of him. She was just too close to the king and to Uther, and Merlin would never be able to change her discovering the truth about him. And the same thing for Gwen… their bond was even deeper than his and Morgana's. Ever since Merlin had pulled her from the depths of the cell she had been trapped in when she'd been accused of being a witch, him and Gwen had gravitated toward the other in a way that most people didn't. But… she could never know the truth of what he was, or she would know that she had only lived through that because Merlin had been the one to plant the poultice in her home to heal her father. And they couldn't have the kind of bond Merlin wanted if he had that secret hovering in the back of his mind for the rest of their lives. And Gaius… his uncle was most definitely Merlin's biggest supporter and biggest defender, and he knew all of the dark secrets that Merlin had to keep from everybody else. Gaius knew far more about him and what he's had to do just to make it through another day of this secret life of his, but… while Gaius could accept him, he'd never be able to understand what it meant to be a sorcerer living in the time they were in. And then there was Lancelot, who, like Gaius, knew far more about Merlin than he's shared with most people, but even the knight had only barely scraped over the surface of everything that Merlin was. But… Merlin was grateful to have people like them in his life. So bloody grateful, that he knew he didn't need the kind of bond that the three knights had. He just needed… he just needed his family…

Merlin started to frown heavily at the thought… he wanted his family, but if he stayed at the estate like he wanted, then would he still have them? They would be all the way back in Camelot, and they could always exchange letters, but he didn't think it would be the same as seeing them everyday. He'd already known that it would probably be quite some time before he saw them again if he gave into his urge and stayed, but… he really only had one more full day before they were supposed to start packing up. And now that this time was drawing nearer and nearer… it made Merlin feel like he was about to make a huge mistake. He hadn't even said goodbye to them properly, not like he would've done if he had expected to be gone for months or years or however long it would be before it was time for him to grace Camelot with his presence again. He just…. wouldn't be there with the others when they returned. How would the two girls react if it happened like that? If everybody who had came here returned home… but left him behind. And what would Merlin be exchanging them for? This huge estate with the endless rooms and the millions of possibilities… he would probably be far safer here. He wouldn't have Arthur trying to plan his murder, and he would have plenty of space to find his own secret cranny so that he could practice a bit with his own magic. Merlin would have so much more privacy here, and the chances of somebody walking in on him doing something he shouldn't be able to do were probably far lower than him practicing in his little room back at the castle.

Magic was important to him…

He wanted to study his craft and grow his skills and maybe even work out his trust issues until he felt ready to tell these people what he really was…

But family was something Merlin knew not to scoff at.

"I suppose Uther Pendragon has all manner of secrets that he would not want to be released to others. It is… not as surprising as one would think to see you are one of those secrets. You and Arthur do not act like the typical couple one would expect to see after hearing the exaggerated stories about how the two of you started." Hadrian finally answered him, his words spoken slow and with a carefulness to them that said he was thinking over his words as he was said them. Merlin almost wanted to shake his head in agreement… he and the blond prince had never been 'typical.' Even before Arthur decided to kill him. Hell… it was very possible that the whole reason he hadn't seen Arthur at all today was because he was working out a second plan to end him since his first one didn't end as expected. With this thought, Merlin's stomach tightened… he had to be very vigilant. Tomorrow was their last day, and if there was ever a time for him to strike… tomorrow was probably going to be his last chance before they had to leave. "But I suppose a secret such as that one would incur the wrath of the king should it come out. I cannot say I understand the details, but I suppose it was left out of your explanation on purpose. Some things are just not for us to know, such as our secret is not something the king should know. It sounds as if this is a mutual destruction… if we tell your secret, then you would tell ours to the king. Is that how it is?"

This question almost felt as if it was a test to the consort. If he said yes, then Merlin would be negating what he had been trying to do when he told them his own secret. He had simply been trying to make the group of men understand that he had secrets to, and his allegiance would not be with the men who were forcing him into silence. But if Merlin said no, then it would make them think he was lying to them. Nobody offered up their own secrets without making sure if everything went to hell, than they had something in their back pocket to use in order to secure their own future. Mutual destruction… it was such a sour word that left distaste on the back of Merlin's tongue. Merlin wasn't a knight, he did not do things like hoarding secrets he discovered about people as a means of using them against someone. As a peasant, he would have kept the secret just because it wasn't his to share, and he knew from personal experience that this wasn't the type of secret one would speak about even to their friends. But as a consort, perhaps secrets were more valuable than Merlin had thought them to be in the past. Not the secrets they were discussing now… no. Their magic and his marriage was riddled with enough seeds, that even one misstep from either one of them would mean it was all over. But… people hid secrets for one single reason… because they didn't want other people to know. There were hundreds of actual reasons why people kept certain things to themselves… because it's something embarrassing or it's something dangerous or it's a surprise or who knows what else. But it all boiled down to that one thing… because they didn't want people to know. And everybody had secrets. Even…

Arthur Pendragon.

"I don't think that I have anything left to say. You can believe my word and find a way to understand why I wont speak a single word about this to anyone else. Or you can spend your days lying in wait for an army to come down here to be able to arrest you for crimes against the kingdom, or whatever they will try to pin you with to make you seem more dangerous than you are. I already told my secret, so I'm not going to justify myself to you. Believe me or not. But… I have my own opinion when it comes to magic that will probably be quite different to my husband's family, who condemns it without thought or reason. If what I just shared with you isn't enough to make you understand that I'm also standing in a position quite similar to yours, then I suppose I'm done here."

Merlin's voice was just as considering as Hadrian's had been earlier, the words coming out of him almost absentmindedly as he turned back to the door. Such a swift change this was, Merlin thought as his mind raced wildly, not stopping to think about how Ronald was still preventing him from leaving by standing in the door. Merlin should have stayed here and all but begged to be allowed into whatever little club the people at this estate seem to be having. But… he found himself with a sudden outcry of work that needed to be done. Arthur had some kind of secret out there… something that he was hiding from everyone else. He simply needed to figure out what that secret was. Merlin and Arthur… the both of them had been forced to keep their marriage a secret from everybody else around them. But Merlin had his own secrets… like how he had told others the truth about their marriage, and of course, his magic. So Arthur probably had a secret himself. He was a bloody prince! A major political player. He had to have some major skeleton hidden in the back of his closet that he wouldn't wish for even his father to find out. Perhaps if Merlin managed to find out what exactly this secret was… it could be like he was putting a leash on Arthur. Merlin could put plans in place… warn Arthur that his secret would come out if he ended up dead under mysterious circumstances. It wasn't exactly a master plan, since it was very likely that Arthur would become furious and retaliate against him for what Merlin would do. But if he did this carefully, and think through it instead of rushing in headfirst, perhaps Merlin could find a way to end up standing on top. The problem with Arthur is that he always thought he was the one that is in charge, but… Merlin had the means to stop Arthur from trying to kill him.

He just needed to find that one secret that would stop even Arthur right in his tracks…

"Spoken like a true consort, I suppose the stories about you really are true."

The voice that came from behind Merlin caused the consort to stop with mid-step, the dark haired boy jointing his head up and blinking in surprise when he realized he was now standing in front of Ronald. The redhead was staring right down his nose at Merlin, and if the voice behind him hadn't spoken, than it was pretty clear that he would have simply kept walking until he ended up walking right into the bigger man's chest. Which would have been… embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as it was when Merlin turned back around and realized he was being spoken to by Draconis. Merlin would have thought, if anybody would stop him from leaving, it would have been Hadrian. Not the bleach blonde man that had hated him from first glance. Not the man that had tried to kill him the second he realized Merlin had seen what they were doing. Not the man Merlin was… quite a bit more curious about since discovering he was just as magical as he was. Draconis though, strode forward, now giving Merlin this meaningful once over, as if he was taking the time to really look at him when he had been previously dismissive of him. Merlin wasn't entirely sure what the blond haired man was looking for while studying him, but the consort squared his shoulders anyway. Like he had realized earlier… Merlin wasn't going to cower anymore in the face of men who thought themselves bigger than the armor they wore.

"You really don't care about what everybody else is doing. You aren't afraid to go a different way, down a different path… it's something that's worked out for you many times in the past from what little we've heard about your adventures way out here." Said Draconis in a surprisingly calm tone, which only made the consort narrow his eyes as he noted how different it was when compared with the anger of earlier. Merlin hadn't lived this long by ignoring the signs in front of him that said something was off. He wasn't entirely sure if Draconis may've been trying to compliment him, or trying to make some kind of odd backhand remark that was designed to ridicule him. Merlin hadn't been 'trying' to make an impression after he had gotten caught up in his thoughts on what sorts of secrets Arthur might be hiding. He had simply needed to get out of here, since it had felt a touch more important to find a way to protect and prepare himself for Arthur's next possible attack. "But I suppose, if what you said about what your marriage with the prince is really like is true, than you understand full well how there are times where you have to keep your head down in order to not be caught."

Merlin's brows furrowed into the center of his forehead, not entirely sure what it was Draconis was getting at, but he nodded once, sure and sharp. Yes. The consort knew all about what it was like to force his head to bow and bite down on his tongue hard enough that it caused blood to fill his mouth just to prevent himself from saying something incriminating. And it wasn't a skill Merlin forced himself to learn over the last five months just so he could survive a life ruled at the court. It was a skill that—while Merlin was still cultivating on his own—had been something he had been taught from a very young age. How many times had his village been raided by bandits, and Merlin had forced himself not to do something drastic in order to get rid of them? How many times had Merlin saw his people struggling to grow food during the harvest, and knowing there was something he could do to help it grow, but unable to teach himself for fear of being caught? How many times had Merlin saw something—anything—that his abilities could have been used in order to help another person? His time in the city had been fraught with danger and tension and he had nearly died far more times—by his own hand and by others—than he could count. But Merlin's also been able to use his magic more freely these days, something that he always wished he could do, which was in irony that was not lost on the consort.

"So, I suppose that means Hadrian can tell you our little story. It's not a very long one though, so I don't suspect you'll need to get comfortable for it."

Draconis spoke very causally, and waved a dismissive hand as if all of this was nothing major. But considering the way Hadrian and Ronald ripped their heads around to look at him with startled surprise, it occurred to Merlin that this was very much something major happening. Draconis wanted Hadrian—their leader so to speak—to tell Merlin their story. Did that mean Hadrian was going to tell Merlin how the three of them—or six, if one counted the girls—got started with all of this? Were they going to tell him how and when they started to dabble in the magic arts, when there are already so very few resources to help aid them in anything significant? Was Merlin being welcomed into the fold, in this really odd and strange way? It sure felt as if Draconis, despite not being actually the leader of the group, was the one giving permission to tell him things that they wouldn't have told him. This was starting to feel like a rare opportunity that he just knew he wasn't going to have again if he decided to walk out that door to continue his previous plan.

"Err… okay."

Merlin's voice was hesitant, as he glanced towards the door still being blocked by the bulky and silent red headed man. As grudging as Merlin was to admit it, he knew it wasn't very likely that he would be able to find any dark secrets the prince may have been hiding from him during all these months. Especially as it had to be something so dark, that Arthur going full nutjob and smacking him in the middle of the marketplace would pale in comparison to it. If the prince was able to do something so… horrible and shocking, then whatever he didn't want to get out had to be something… out of this world disturbing. But anything that was as bad as that, wouldn't be something Merlin could do easily sniff out in a single night. Especially not considering his only resources would be the group of men that had traveled there with them. And only a handful of them would've been willing to talk to them, and perhaps only Derrick and Tristian would have been willing to talk about deep dark moments that happened sometime in the past. Merlin would only be lucky if those two were able to share anything with him, since they weren't usually around Arthur unless something happened to be happening to begin with. So… as frustrating as it was, Merlin was going to have to hold back on that one, at least until he was able to get everything that he wanted to know out of Hadrian and the other two knights, he decided as he turned his full attention onto Hadrian.

"Alright then, I guess that means it's my turn to speak. So I suppose, to know a bit of our story and how we ended up here… it really started a few years before any of us were born. When a man named Riddle somehow managed to get full control of an estate several hundred miles from here. Nobody really knew who he was until he started showing up at other estates that used to stand on this side of the country." Hadrian started speaking, after he raised a hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose, as if remembering the past occurrences so that he'd be able to adequently tell Merlin their story. His voice was soothing though, so it was the kind of story that could draw a man like Merlin into it. Like how a fly would find itself drawn to the sparkling glitter of a spider's web before getting trapped in its sticky residue. "Nobody knows for sure exactly how he managed to get control of the estate, or how he managed to turn the knights who would have been living there at the time, but Riddle apparently made it very clear for everybody else to know how… merciless he was. Now, Riddle never fought that much in the actual battles, but that was because he sent other men ahead and had them do the dirty work for him. Riddle would only show up afterwards and more often than not, if you saw his face… it was probably because you weren't going to make it out alive. He liked that, I think. Being so mysterious that it was easy for him to enter another's home as a guest so that he could find a way to ruin them from the inside. He was a… handsome man in person, so I'm sure it's something that contributed to him getting underneath people's skin for quite a while. He had this whole… plan about gathering control from the estates living on the outskirts before working his way in. He thought if he had enough forces under him, he would eventually be able to storm the castle and take the throne from Uther for himself."

Merlin's eyes grew rounded and large… had Uther known there'd been people who were planning a coup of sorts in order to get his throne? Did Uther even have the throne back then, because this story must have started about twenty or twenty five years ago, and Merlin was a little fuzzy on the exact timing when Uther became the ruler of the kingdom. It was at least twenty years ago, since that was how long ago the great purge had started, but there was a chance all this had happened before Uther had taken over. It could have been his father, Arthur's grandfather, that was still sitting on the golden throne of Camelot. But this Riddle guy… he must have been the ambitious sort if he thought he could just make a grab for the throne, no matter which king had actually been sitting in the chair. It was definitely a little history lesson that Merlin couldn't say that he had ever heard of before. Ealdor didn't get much news for the most part, so something like this that had been contained to their area of the country, would have probably never reached them. Not unless Riddle had actually made it the whole way to the castle, which Merlin doubted. Something like a takeover was something that would have spread, and wasn't something that people could've pretended never happened.

"This estate was one of a small handful of estates that remained in opposition to Riddle, opposing his wannabe rule and denying him whatever he expected from the estates that fell underneath his leadership. By this point, Riddle had started gaining traction and becoming a real problem. More and more people were starting to go missing or their bodies turning up practically dismantled to the core. The land was starting to grow dark, and there was tension in the air, and the few estates that refused to betray the king and join him started doing what they could to keep him out. Added guards and keeping the estates on a complete lockdown to try and outride whatever storm was approaching. Well, one day, when I was hardly a year old, Riddle decided he was done with trying to coax the people of this estate onto his side. And he tried busting down the gates themselves to take control. He wanted the knights who worked here and he wanted the gold that was plentiful back then to fund his mission. It became a battleground on the front yards, and the grounds became filled with blood as people from both sides of the battle started to drop. I'm sure you remember all about my parents from how Jacqui introduced me upon your arrival."

It wasn't really a question, but more of a statement, not that Merlin really had to ask… he remembered all about how Jacqui had basically given them a brief summary about the knights life stories. And he knew that Hadrian was young, younger than he remembered apparently, when his parents had been killed off at some point. Apparently during this big battle that had overtaken the ground, a piece of the history of the land that had apparently been left out when Merlin had been learning everything he could before coming. But then again, Merlin'd been more interested in learning things that were relevant to today's time and what resources the grounds already had that could get him started with a few new projects he was wanting. The history of the land had been non-existent to him, other than a brief lesson on how the land came to be in the possession of the former knight Bryon's family. Which had basically involved Knight Bryon's grandfather funding several important construction projects in the city, before Bryon's parents basically ran the fortune out by not keeping up with what they had been doing to get money funneling into the estate's coffers to begin with.

"Well needless to say, as I'm sure you have already figured out, my mother and father died during that battle before I was old enough to really remember them at all. And I was given to my mother's sister, who was as peasant as my mother had been before she was elevated in status when she married my father, as he had been a knight, to be raised by. I'm going to skip the boring details, but the battle ended pretty abruptly and apparently Riddle had gotten injured during it all. His men ended up fleeing the grounds after our estate won the battle, and they took his mangled body with them. Riddle for all intents and purposes, was a shut-in after that. The gates to the original estate was put on lockdown and I suppose many people assumed he must've died from his injuries. Because it'd be quite some time, many years in fact, before anybody would come out of the estate. But while Riddle was hiding away and steadily gathering his strength, I was here at the estate, and the first time I heard that man's name was not long after I turned eleven. That was the year my aunt, along with her husband and my cousin, decided they didn't want to have anything to do with me. They had done their 'duty' by raising me for as long as they had, but now that I started working full-time at the estate and some of the older knights were starting to look at me with potential, since they remembered how excellent a swordsman my father was, they decided to take their leave. But not before they told me a few… hard truths about my family that I had been unaware of for the longest of time."

Hadrian once again pinched at the bridge of his nose, as he grimaced after he started talking about the family that had all but abandoned him at soon as they could get away with it. Even Draconis looked disgruntled by the mention of the peasant family, a sharp hiss exiting from between his teeth as if he hated them despite having never met them, since they had been long gone by the time the blond entered the story. And even Ronald was starting to scowl, clearly he felt the same about these people. Which was mystifying to Merlin, even though he was very much aware that not everybody had a family like he did. It wasn't like everybody out there in the world had a mother who would lie her face off with a smile and would outsmart a king and flee the country and everything she had ever known in order to keep her son safe and the mysterious powers he held a secret. And not everybody had an uncle who had been willing to take him into their home right after meeting him, while also accepting everything about him wholeheartedly and would dedicate their time by giving him guidance on how to survive the world. Not everyone, Merlin thought with this large and sudden wave of gratitude crashing down onto him, was as lucky as he was to be born into the family he had been. Hell, just look at the relationship between Arthur and Uther! That wasn't a relationship Merlin had ever known a parent to have with their child. A relationship that was basically only Arthur doing whatever it was he was told and damning anybody else who got in the way of it. God, it's really no wonder that Arthur was so screwed up, which only strengthened the resolve Merlin had for his plan. Arthur HAD to have something hidden that he'd not want his father to know about…

"Basically, my aunt admitted that my father was a magic user and one that was quite powerful in some circles. He came from a family that had been extremely gifted in the magical arts. Of course though, when my parents died, it was only a year or two before the Great Purge started, and so my father was able to use his magic quite openly back then. What my aunt hated though, was my mother catching an interest in what he can do. And wanting to learn herself. She only practiced the craft for a few years before she died, but some said that she was extremely gifted for someone who came from a family that wasn't known. Hell, some people even say that my mother managed to throw a curse at Riddle and so it was her that caused him to retreat to his estate for so many years, which basically ended the little mini war that had erupted among the estates. Now if she really did do it, nobody alive today can confirm it, but it means that she's the one who basically ended everything. And gave the estates their chance to thrive once again without Riddle's presence looming over them. Her curse may not have saved her, but… if it was my mother… then she practically saved each and every person living on this side of the country. And possibly all of Camelot by stopping Riddle before he was strong enough to head to the castle."

There was this… note of pride echoing in Hadrian's voice, as if he happened to truly believe that his mother had done the impossible and ended a war before millions of innocent people could die in the crossfires. Merlin hadn't even been there and had no idea any of this had happened and was never going to meet this woman, but even he could feel a swell of pride going through him. Simply the kind of pride one felt when hearing about a witch, who had came from no remarkable family much like himself, who had taken down what could've very likely become known as a dark lord or something or other. Now… that was the kind of thing Merlin LIKED hearing about. The stories he had always heard as a child, from other people, had always been about how evil magic users could be and how they would cast their spells and tricks in order to lure you into a false sense of security. Just before going in for the kill, and spilling your blood along the forest floor to soak into the ground while they used your bones to build up a sacrificial altar for newborn babies to be murdered at. Needless to say, he'd always gotten pretty freaked out after hearing such things, especially since he used to get dizzy at the sight of blood, before he ultimately grew out of it after a few years had passed. But those stories had still stuck with him, burying just underneath the skin until it felt like he would have to scratch his skin off to get out from under it. But it was rare to hear stories where using magic has been a good thing, as it was even rarer to hear a story about a witch who had became the hero, even if it didn't end happily for her.

"But back to the point I was making… by the time my aunt told me all of this, it had been nearly ten years since the great purge had started. And now that I've gotten older, she was fearful that I would follow the same path my parents had taken when they chosen witchcraft. I hadn't even been interested in magic by that point, but I definitely started thinking about it more when she proudly told me she had walked away from such sinful things because she had been much smarter than my mother had been. But I have it in good authority that she did try for years to make even a single flower bloom in her hands before she gave up when nothing happened. The woman doesn't have a single affinity with any magic. Not a drop of the stuff inside of her. And to be honest, I probably lean towards that way myself… just a touch since what little magic I do have is very small. But that's because I'm untrained, and it never really interested me to do more with it. I like to test myself sometimes, see if I can push it out, but by the time I realized I could actually do something, the guards had already decided to officially take me under their wing. And since I had no way to study magic or to get stronger other than trial and error, I decided to focus mainly on learning what I could with a sword. Something that was more feasible and something I figured wasn't going to get me arrested."

Merlin slowly nodded his head in agreement, because he could understand the exact reasons for why Hadrian—so he did have magic! Merlin hadn't been just imagining the statue bouncing off of him earlier!—wouldn't focus more on what magic he did have. If Merlin had been born with so little magic, then perhaps it wasn't something he would have focused on. Magic was… the world was quite dangerous for people like them. And if Merlin had the choice, he may've tried to close off that part of himself and pretend that it didn't exist, in order to not only protect himself, but the people around him as well. But since Merlin had a …different breed of Magic, one that was uncontrolled and had often acted as it wanted to rather than what Merlin commanded of it, he didn't have any kind of choice. Merlin NEEDED to practice and gain control, something he felt he may just be starting to grasp now that he had access to his magical tome, so that it wouldn't explode out of him or something insane like that. But Hadrian's words still made his chest feel uncomfortable tight… Hadrian shouldn't be forced into choosing one or the other. Hadrian should have been allowed to continue with his sword training, as well as practicing Magic on the side. He didn't have to be an expert in it, but Merlin could see the promise of a knight who had a few combat spells ready at their disposal if things got hairy. In a perfect world, just maybe Hadrian could have been both sorcerer and knight… surely there had to be people like that in the royal armies before Uther started rounding up all the ones who used magic. Though Merlin found it hard to believe there was ever a time that magic users could not only be welcomed in the court, but also be the key defenders of it as well.

"I spent a few quiet years working as a squire for the most part, spending all of my days practicing with a sword in my hand. My mentors and tutors wanted to make sure that I would be ready whenever I faced my first real battle. And I did really think I was. But when I did come face to face with an opponent that was not just a sparring partner, but somebody that would be willing to kill me, I was helplessly unprepared. I must have been fourteen summers at the time and the guards allowed me out of the estate so that I could escort some of the serving girls who worked here at the time to collect some herbs from the trees. But we must have gone too far… gone deeper than we were meant to. The girls I went with count not have been any older than I was, and it was my first real mission, so I suppose we were all kind of fumbling our way through it. It was supposed to be something simple. Go gather some herbs and come back in a couple of hours. We weren't supposed to meet a man on the road. That stupid rat-faced man that changed everything."

Hadrian's face seemed to take on this sunken in appearance, something dark in his eyes that made him look almost haunted as he remembered something horrid that had happened in his past. And with the way the moonlight looked as it streamed into the room through the stain glass windows, it appeared as if there were shadows being cast across his face. It made Merlin shift from foot to foot… even a sorcerer who didn't practice his magic obviously had horrors in his past that others who were more normal wouldn't. It came with the whole having to keep what you are and what you can do a secret from the rest of the world. Even Merlin, who had been isolated in the little village he had grown up in, had horrors that couldn't be compared to the same children who had been raised alongside him. At least they knew they were helpless to do anything as bandits stormed their homes and stole their grains and ruined what work they had done over months in a matter of minutes. Merlin may have been helpless just the same, as even a child sorcerer would have difficulties when faced with a man much larger and stronger than he himself was, but that didn't make him stop feeling as if he could have done something to help. Merlin wasn't allowed to help during those times of chaos, simply because it had put himself at risk if anybody—bandit or citizen—had realized it was him. And… the world should not be that way. Merlin shouldn't have to sacrifice his home for his safety. He should have been allowed to defend them. Or at least try without his own king taking him away from everything he had ever known. to work amongst his royal armies.

"Oh, stop with the whole gloom and doom act, Hadrian! In case you happen to have forgotten, we would have never met if it wasn't for that horrible awful rat-faced bastard."

Merlin snapped back to attention, startled as he watched the way the blonde-haired knight was interacting with the group, Draconis shoving Hadrian in the arm hard enough to push the man a few steps to the side. Though if he's being honest, Merlin was pretty sure Hadrian allowed Draconis to push him aside like he did, considering the sheepish look the dark haired knight bore. As if he just remembered how whatever relationship he had going on with Draconis—where they touched each other oddly and stood together with hardly any clothing as they preformed rituals Merlin still didn't know the details to—had been thanks to this 'rat-faced bastard.' It was still strange though, to see Draconis being all kinds of playful and affectionate, if one wanted to call what he had been doing as 'affectionate.' Merlin was still used to seeing Draconis as this hard man that barked at everybody who went near them and got on the defensive about each and every little thing that came his way. But if Draconis was only acting like he did because he didn't want Merlin getting too close to the truth, than… it only seemed to be another fact of like that made this whole 'no magic thing' out to nothing more than cruelty at its finest. People shouldn't have to be forced into changing who they were, and putting on a mean persona in order to get others to leave them alone so they wouldn't be discovered. Merlin himself should not have to be forced to lie about his own involvement in magic, and shouldn't be forced into the role of a fool—something he often felt like he had to be just so he could brush off anybody's suspicions—to get away with doing something.

"Well, as I was saying, the girls and I were out gathering herbs when this rat-faced bastard showed up out of nowhere, hobbling along the path as if there was something wrong with his foot. I honestly thought he needed help, maybe he had gotten caught in a hunter's trap or something and had gotten injured, you know? But of course, before I could ask him what had happened, I noticed that he wasn't exactly alone. He had another boy with him, one who could not have been any older than I was. One with a pointy looking face and blond hair that kept falling into one of his eyes, wearing the kind of clothes that only the most stuck-up-picked by my mother, nobles would have worn. And, you know, the cold iron chains holding his wrists together and the length of it being held by this rat-faced bastard made it pretty obvious that he wasn't there freely."

Hadrian had obviously meant this as a playful jab towards his blonde boyfriend as the other knight immediately started squawking in mock offense about how Hadrian only wished he could have looked as good as he had that day! Even if he was kidnapped, he still looked better than Hadrian did in his armor that felt like it could've been a size or two too big to fit his scrawny frame. But the light hearted and brief bickering didn't allow Merlin to escape from the cold chill as it was rolling its way down his spine. Cold iron chains… Merlin had heard of those, but he didn't think he had ever seen any in real life. Or at least, if he did, he'd been fortunate enough to never have them clasped around his wrists. The most that Merlin's seen in Camelot, from what he could tell, was that most of the actual weapons and chains and armor and whatnots were made out of special metal material. So it wasn't actually iron, which was probably the only metal that was man-made that could do something horrible to sorcerers. Will had told him he had heard once, many years ago, that cold iron had the abilities to cut off any magic-users from their ability to draw up magic. To have iron chains wrapped around your wrists and being carted around by some stranger holding onto the chain was… definitely a worse case scenario for most sorcerers. It would have been one thing to be arrested by Uther or dragged into the armies by Cenred, because at least you knew what was going to happen to you. But to be placed in iron chains by somebody who was neither… it was a helplessness that even Merlin's never known. And Draconis… Draconis had apparently lived through it. Merlin hadn't even known the whole iron chain things was a real issue, or if it's simply something people had made up as a means of scaring sorcerers into staying silent. But considering the fact that it was being brought up in the story now, Merlin had a sinking feeling that it was real… very real.

"One of the girls, she didn't understand what was going on or didn't realize the significant in those chains, as I was saying. She had always been an extremely righteous sort of girl, or at least that's what I remember about Padma. But she immediately went off once she saw the chains, assuming that this was just an ordinary man who was intending to make Draconis into a slave, or sending him to the slave market, or something like that. She got into his face shrieking over how wrong it was to treat another human being like that and that he should've been ashamed of himself. And I… I stood there and let her have at it, because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I haven't been prepared to meet a boy that might need my help. Especially not a boy who would only be wearing cold iron shackles for one reason and one reason only. But by the time I was able to get my bearings back, and realize I needed to get hold of the situation… it was already too late. The man… he did something. He said a spell that I had never heard of before that day, not that I knew any spells by that point, and then that was it. And Padma was dead."

The gasp that ripped from Merlin's throat surprised even him, but Hadrian just nodded solemnly. And even Draconis was looking down at the thought of a girl he had never really known dying because she was trying to help him. Ronald is also shifting on his feet somewhere behind Merlin, looking as if he didn't really like this part of the story being told. And Merlin couldn't say he blamed him, as a righteous fury of his own threatened to ignite somewhere in his chest. It was people like that man, like that rat-faced bastard that gave other people like the rest of them a bad name. People like the rat-faced man only gave Uther a more solid case as for why magic was dangerous and needed to be stopped where it stood. They were the kind of magic that people only ever saw, which fueled all of the hatred and propaganda that's been spread about this kind for an entire generation now. And it left people who used magic for other things, for gentler spells that hurt nobody, left to rot in the shadows because they'd never see a day in which they were allowed to spread their wings in the light. And he knew that he had only experienced a bare hint of the real problems in the world now that he was no longer in his isolated neck of the woods, but it felt as if it would only get worse if something wasn't done. It would be a dark world whenever it was only magic users like the rat-faced bastard that was seen in public. Hell… it had probably already reached that point and Merlin had simply not realized the magnitude of that until this very moment. After all, Hadrian and his friends were literally the 'only' people Merlin had ever met who used magic, and were not currently trying to come up with some plan to murder the king, though he would have been very sympathetic towards the cause if they had been. And he had only caught them by chance and luck and the blink of an eye. It wasn't as if they'd been going around and announcing to people who they were and what they could do!

"It became pretty chaotic after that. The girls all went screaming and running in different directions to try and escape him. One or two of them fell during all the chaos, and that bastard was still shooting spells into the woods to try and stop them from escaping. I don't know if he was having fun or what, because he wore a very… disturbing grin, even after a couple of the girls were somehow able to get out of range and ran off in the direction of the estate to get proper help from the trained knights. And as for me, well… I did try my best but being that I was so inexperienced, I think the most I was able to do was defect some of the lighter spells off the hilt of my sword to avoid getting hit by any of them myself. At some point during the fight though, and everything was happening so fast that I could hardly keep up, but I somehow managed to end up along in the woods with that man. And Draconis, of course, who ended up knocked on the ground and unable to pull himself up because of the way he had the chains on him. But anyway… it was me and him and his magic crackling about high in the air. Like a current on the horizon, or the crackle of the air you can feel just before a lightning storm strikes. It was… terrifying."

Hadrian shook his head as he remembered what had happened to him on that night, and Merlin's eyes fell down to where Draconis was reaching out to grab onto his hand. Offering Hadrian a silent strength, the kind of support that one would need to get through something that was quite traumatic. And he had to wonder… what had happened to the rat faced bastard? Was that part coming up in the story, or was Merlin going to hear how such a horrid man was still out there in the world somewhere. Causing havoc with magic and ruining the lives of people who may never know that there was a different side to magic they'd never be able to seen. It was no wonder that their kind had continued to be so harshly prosecuted and punished and… it wasn't right. It had never been right. Not one person should have been forced to face the fires of the pyre and feel the way their skin melted from their bones as their screams mingled among all the smoke billowing up around them. But with people like this rat face running around and killing innocent teenage girls who had simply arrived at the wrong place at the wrong time, then how was anything ever going to change? Things probably weren't… it was hard to imagine a world in where people didn't have to hide and things like this didn't happen when the life they had now was the only life Merlin knew. But at this rate, it felt as if magic was going to die and be brought to its knees… his chest ached at the thought. But it felt very much like a future they were heading towards. If they weren't already there, because the future felt… pretty bleak when it came to his kind.

"I don't even remember most of what happened for the most part. One second I was trying to hold my own but other than what little I heard about my parents, this was my first real encounter with magic I believe. And at some point during all the chaos, I somehow found myself on my back in the mud, with my sword too far out of my reach to be of any help to me. And then… when that rat faced bastard stood over me and started chanting some kind of spell… I think it was the same spell he used to kill Padma. And I just… reacted. To be honest, I can't say I'm entirely sure how it happened. If I had this… force buried inside, or if it was just the battle and my own fear that brought it out in me. But one second, I was positive that I was going to die, not even fifteen summers yet, and that I was going to be nothing more than a corpse left to rot for however long until I was found by the other knights. But before he could finish his spell, it was as if something came out of me. Like a punch. But nothing like I ever felt before. It was this sort of… energy. Something warm that flooded my entire body until it was the only thing I could feel. From the tip of my hair and down to the curl of my toes. It was… something that's too difficult to put into words."

Hadrian shook his head, as if he was still remembering the wonder that'd been his first time using magic. And if he had been talking to anyone else, they may have had a hard time understanding what he was talking about. But Merlin was able to find it in himself to understand perfectly. There was only so many ways one could try and explain how magic felt when it was escaping you, especially when it was the first time. Merlin didn't remember his first time using magic as he had been doing things the second he had been born, practically born with a hue of golden eyes so bright that it could put the sun to shame, had been how his mother had described it. But his first memory of using magic must've been when he was about four years old, and he had summoned a toy to him that had been on the other side of the room. Nothing that was more than a few pieces of cloth his mother had tied together so he could have something to hug onto, but it wasn't all that happy of a moment. Just like Hadrian had ended up being traumatized by this man that had been trying to kill him, Merlin had felt as if he was traumatized by his mother's reaction. The way she had screamed, rushing across the room to snatch him up off the floor and holding him tight, as if she thought people were going to jump through the walls and get to him if he was doing such… unnatural things. His mother had held him, her entire body shook as if he was already being burned to ash right before his eyes. But Merlin had been young enough to not understand how dangerous it was for him to do the smallest of things. And he had naively told her it was going to be alright… not realizing it was HIM she was scared about. What kind of future he would have if he was doing things like that. What kind of life he could lead when he had to hide such a huge part of himself. But what Hadrian had been trying to describe to him… yeah. Merlin remembered that most of all. The rush of power that had made him want to giggle, as the feeling of safety and… this is who he is… flood through him. As if he had been being embraced by an old friend. One that was part of him and would never leave him and… always be there when he needed them.

"And then that man… it looked as if there was something that nobody was able to actually see just… snatched him up. And he went flying across the clearing and away from me. He ended up slamming into a tree a good twenty yards or so away from where I was standing, and the crack his body made was… it was terrifying. I hadn't even actually touched him. And yet, he was dead and I was alive. I think I was in a pretty good deal of shock. I mean, I knew my family had been magic, and I knew my aunt thought I would be magic just the same, but I never actually thought that I could have magic of my own to use. I ended up on my knees and all I could do was stare down at my hands as if I didn't recognize them. It felt like a dream, almost, you know. Where I knew what I did but it was just not clicking inside my head. I didn't even have it in me to panic yet, when I hear 'this' one start speaking as if what I just did was the most normal thing in the world."

Hadrian jutted his thumb over his shoulder, while giving Draconis what Merlin could only describe as the most deadpan look he had ever seen on a man. As if it didn't bother him at all, or it no longer bothered him as it once had, that he had used magic to kill a man. If somebody had told him only a few months ago of this story, then Merlin probably would have been more horrified about all of it than he was. For Merlin… Magic was life and it was beautiful and it should've been allowed to bring good into the world by healing what the Pendragons had spent their lives trying to take away from them. But Merlin had used his magic several times in the last few months, in ways he had never once needed to use it before. He had needed to call forth his powers and practice his spells, while making sure he kept what he was doing hidden and in the shadows, to stop all from crumbling around him. Every spell Merlin had needed to cast—except for a few he may or may not have used to get his laundry to do itself—had been to stop something even more evil than what he was doing from happening. It was self-defense. Just like Hadrian's had been self-defense. The only thing that he felt was different between them, was that Merlin had never taken a human life before.

Not really.

Not by his own hand.

And god help him, Merlin feared the day was coming where he would never be able to say that truthfully again.

Not if he was forced to choose between his own safety and Arthur's.