Not meant to be taken seriously. Like at all. Pure crack. Not exactly what one might consider a real storyline, more of a collection of shorts.

To be safe(ish), the timeline deviates shortly after Smokescreen joins. The Decepticons fail at decoding the location of the 4th omega key and have yet to discover their purpose. Several years have passed, and our humans are currently aged as follows: Jack-18, Miko-17, Raf-14, Tess-18.

"What in the name of Primus?!"

While the humans were used to Ratchet's nearly constant state of disapproval, they had literally only arrived eight seconds ago, so all of them were a trifle confused as he stared at them in obvious frustration and horror. His optics pinned them in place, his expression demanding answers to a question they had yet to decipher.

Miko was of course, the one to break the ice. "What?! We just got here!"

He lifted a servo and pointed a single, stern digit, which seemed to indicate something directly behind them. All three teenagers turned to identify the source of his distress, only to find their friend, Tess, standing not five feet from them.

Jack recovered first. "Miko! What the heck?! I thought you saw her out?"

Tess interjected, "Oh, she did, but then as I was turning to leave I heard her scream 'hurry up you lam-oes, we've got some alien ass to kick', and then there was a weird sound and a light coming from the back yard. Imagine my surprise when I see you all heading into a crazy looking portal."

"And then you decided it would be a good idea to follow them, having no clue what might happen if you did?" the white and orange mech vocalized sarcastically, optic ridge lifting.

The young women nodded, sliding her hands into the pockets of her sweater as she concluded, "Precisely. And now here we are."

If Cybertronians could have aneurysms, Ratchet surely would have had one then and there. "What is wrong with your species?! The total lack of sense and self preservation your kind seem to display is as astonishing as it is infuriating! Why would you take such a blind risk without having any notion of what the consequences might be?"

She rolled a shoulder nonchalantly, popping her gum once before answering, "Going into a swirly green vortex seemed way cooler than going home and finishing my essay."

"Right?!" Miko interjected excitedly.

"Not helping!" the old medic snapped, expressing his exasperation in what might be considered the Cybertronian equivalent of a sigh. "Young lady, you have put yourself into a gravely dangerous situation."

"Neat."

"Are you even listening?!"

"Sure am."

Ratchet threw up his servos in defeat. He cast an accusatory glare at the three humans they were already involved with. "If this one dies, it's on you!"

Tess blew a raspberry. "Calm down, robot grandpa. I'm from Detroit, I can hold my own."

It was at this point the older bot could take no more, storming away as he muttered things about impudent organic life-forms.

Jack ran a hand through his hair, glancing at the cause of this disaster. "Miko, in the future, maybe avoid announcing anything top secret while there are other humans around."

The slender girl bristled. "Give me a break! I didn't know she was still standing on the porch!"

Steady, heavy steps directed their attention to the room's other occupant, who was glancing down at the lot of them. "My apologies for Ratchet's demeanor, he worries for your safety. However, regardless of how or why this has happened, what's done is done. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots."

The blonde gave him a curt salute. "Call me Tess."

"For your own safety as well as that of your family, we will need to assign you a guardian," the somber mech informed her.

She chanced a look in the direction the other bot had gone, finding him hunched over a console of some kind. "It isn't robot grandpa, is it? I don't think he likes me very much."

Optimus shook his helm. "As our chief medical officer, Ratchet is needed here. I believe Smokescreen would be more aptly suited to the task."

Miko couldn't contain her excitement any longer, lunging forward and snagging Tess' arm. "Welcome to team Prime! I'm so stoked to finally have another girl on our side, we are sadly outnumbered."

See, what did I tell you? Crack. But if you're reading this, that means that you possibly enjoyed it. If so, onward…