This is my first ever fanfic! So please be easy on my writing skills (I may suck) but try to enjoy this has much as possible :3
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Supernatural or the characters, the only things that I own are my phone that I am writing this on and the plot 3
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SUMMARY- This happens a day after S15 E20 so Dean doesn't die but he's healing up from the injuries also he gets impaled in his shoulder instead of his back. Dean is dealing with Cas's death the hardest and drinking his problems away but it gets worse, making himself go crazy to get Cas back. Sam is trying to help Dean but no luck.
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-Chapter 1-
"I love you"
"Don't do this Cas"
'He's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone'
'You didn't say it back, you didn't say anything, why didn't you say it, it's your fault, YOUR FAULT HE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU… ITS ALL YOUR FAULT'
Dean opens his heavy eyelids, he has been having that same nightmare since Cas… since Cas left, he has learned to hide his nightmares from Sammy and everyone but he can't shake this hole that he feels every time he's awake or asleep, he feels empty, is this what Cas is feeling right now? His stomach turns by the thought of that, well it's his fault that Cas is in the empty... He tries to lift his heavy right arm towards his left shoulder, he has been doing that since Cas disappeared too, the mark that Cas left on him when he got out from Hell disappeared, the only thing that Cas left was the bloody hand print on his jacket, 'that damn bastard '. That mark was a part of him a part of his soul and now.. it's gone like it wasn't even there in the first place. But this time when he does lift his arm, a sharp pain hits his shoulder, he lets out a small gasp sucking his teeth
'What the fuck?'
He puts his arm back down on the bed and lifts his left arm moving to his right shoulder, and using his hand to find out where the fuck the pain was coming from, it's too dark to use his eyes where it was coming from. Dean is surprised to find out that he's shirtless,'why the fuck is that? 'After a couple seconds of moving his hand around his pounding shoulder he finds that there are bandages wrapped around his shoulder that go underneath his armpit, when he puts pressure on the bandages a sharp pain hits his shoulder again, and again he lets out a gasp, he decides not to touch it anymore.
Dean moves his hand down to rest on his stomach he can feel a bit of his ribs, he hasn't been eating that much since Cas left he just can't be bothered too, Sammy has been trying to make him eat but he lies to him by saying that he did, he just can't somehow food just reminds him of Cas well human Cas, and how he made Cas try different foods like bacon or different types of sandwiches instead of PB & J's with jelly not jam,'that idiot loved those'. He tries to let his eyes readjust in the pitch black room, it's hard to concentrate because his shoulder is throbbing after awhile he can see the corners of the room he realises that it's his room in the bunker
'What?'
He thinks, how the fuck did he get here? Last thing he remembers that him and Sammy were in that barn together, cutting vampires heads off then… shit now he remembers, that sonofbitch he got impaled in the shoulder!
Using his arms and hands to push himself up against the backboard of his bed, when using his right arm shocks of pain pulse through him until his vision gets blurry, Dean just repeats to himself 'sonofabitch, sonofabitch', he soo regrets that but he knows it will be worth it when he gets his hands around a whiskey bottle, finally he has his back resting on the backboard and his legs stretched out in front of him one leg up letting his right arm rest on his kneecap, he takes a few minutes to catch his breath and letting his vision go back to normal.
Dean tries to use the rest of his energy to launch his legs off the bed letting a small moan of pain escape his lips, he is now sitting at the side of his bed and puts his head in his hands, his palms feeling the scruff that he has been growing since Cas.. it's about an quarter of an inch long but it's noticeable, his shoulder throbbing even more, closing his eyes and rubbing his fingers on his temple to concentrate harder trying to ignore the pain, he remembers Sam carrying him to Baby and telling him it will be okay, him waking up a few times in the backseat blood everywhere then it gets blurry.
'Shit my shoulder fucking hurts, I bet Sammy patched me up, I swear to god if there's blood everywhere in Baby I will kill Sam, how long have I been out for? Where's Sammy?, Where's my shirt? What day is it? What time is it? I need a fucking drink'
Too many questions and thoughts are making his head hurt, Dean squeezes his eyes to pull back the headache that he give himself, thank god the headache goes away after a few seconds, too much pain to deal with. Finally he lets his arms drop resting on his thighs, he stares at the floor for a moment it's still pitch black in his room but he can still see a bit, looking down at himself he sees that he has grey sweat pants on, shirtless, doesn't have his watch on and no socks on. He also notices that his chair has been moved closer to his bed in an arms reach.
With a sigh Dean decides to use his good arm and grabs the chair then pushes himself up, clenching his jaw and breathing heavily through his nose finally he's standing, still holding on the chair his knuckles turning white, the cold air touches his chest and goes down his back sending chills down him, he didn't even realise how cold his room was until to got up.
'Jesus fucking Christ that hurt, I need a drink'
His shoulder hurts like hell now the cold air around him isn't helping, Dean sorta regrets getting out of bed but he wants.. needs a drink that will probably numb the pain and the emptiness he feels, that's what he has been doing since Cas disappeared drinking in till the days blur into each other just to numb his pain, he doesn't even realise that he has knocked over a whiskey bottle, Dean looks down to see it roll away and also seeing the outlines of other beer and whiskey bottles everywhere, he's guesses that they are all empty including his secret stash that he has in his room.
"Fuck it"
Dean mumbles under his breath, he decides to go to the kitchen to get a drink, he can't be bothered to put a shirt on or socks for that matter, looking around to see the silhouette of his door, a moment goes by and he finally spots it after squinting through the darkness, letting go of his death grip on the chair and moving his feet in front of each other. His shoulder is killing him the pain spreading down his arm now and across his chest, he lets a few moans and grunts escape his mouth. Dean is finally at the door now only knocking over 2 or 3 bottles in the process not making too much noise if Sammy is around.
Finally he is at the door, lifting his arm and clenching his fingers around the handle, somehow the pain is spreading up his neck which he didn't even know how that was possible, he puts enough pressure on the handle and pulls back opening the door enough to poke his head out. The light from the hall hits him like a flash bang Dean closes his eyes from the light then he opens them after a few seconds and letting them readjust, opening the door fully now and stepping out everything is a bit blurry around his eyes from the pain which is getting worse.
Dean makes his way to the kitchen his feet slapping off the cold floor, he looks back towards Jack's room no one is there well of course Jack isn't there anymore he's the new big man running upstairs, then he's at the kitchen door no one is there too
'Where is Sammy? He's probably sleeping'
He's guesses that because it's quiet in the bunker, Miracle isn't even up which is rising the chance that Sam isn't up. Dean wobbles toward the liquor cabinet, he is dying to get a drink the pain is getting worse somehow, his mind starts to drift..
'Do I deserve this pain? I did let Cas go to the empty after all… this pain should be worse right? RIGHT?! Cas is gone ha.. because of me'
Tears start to form in his eyes, does he deserve this? After staring at the cabinet for a minute, he didn't even realise he was that deep in thought he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind but they still linger, and pulling back the tears. He opens the cabinet and spots the Jack Daniel's staring at him.
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I hope you enjoy that first chapter, again I am a very bad writer (sorry) but I am trying my best !! I will write more chapters as soon as I can, and if yous like it 3