I'd been starting to receive some results from assignments that left a lot to be desired. Despite how little I studied in high school, I somehow managed to coast by and still do really well. I'd also certainly tried hard in my undergrad, but I was doing something I was good at. While it was certainly never easy, the combination of natural ability and a little effort seemed to work. School had never been as hard for me as it was right now. The truth was, I was studying a juris doctor in a cohort of students who were much more equipped to be future lawyers than I was. They had come straight from their pre law undergraduate degrees, studying political science or economics. I, on the other hand, was a collaborative arts major who had spent most of her time after graduation scoping out Soundcloud to try and find leads on artist talent so that I could make someone else a bucket of money. Suffice to say, my peers and I weren't quite the same.

Maybe it was because I knew I was behind the 8 ball to begin with, or maybe it was because I had something to prove, but ever since I had begun law school last fall, I'd become obsessed with my marks. This proved to be a challenge considering that I actually had to work for a living unlike some of my classmates, but I was determined to make it work. That's why it cut me so deep when I received less than ideal results. Unlike all those times in high school and college, when I'd done well in spite of my mediocre commitment levels, I was actually really trying this time.

The results for my property law research paper were due to be released tonight via the student portal. I also had my date with Brittany tonight. Fortunately, I could foresee the extent of my neurosis and my need to know my result, so I decided to mute my email notifications from my phone. If I was sitting at dinner and saw the preview of my email, I would certainly leap forward and check my phone.

Brittany was taking me to an Italian restaurant tonight. My nerves were there, but certainly not as intensely as they'd been on Sunday. I was really excited. Excited to have dinner with her, to sit and talk without interruption, to ask her all the questions I had about who she was. There wasn't all that much that I really knew about her, other than what bought her to the city and where she was in life, now. I knew little about her parents, that she had a younger sister, and the basics of her trajectory from school to college to career. I wanted to know more. About her friends, her hometown, why she understood people in ways I didn't, and why she'd been interested in me. This is what I thought about as the day wore on, as I muddled my way through work and tried not to think about my school results.

When I got home after work, I was grateful that Kurt was working late and wasn't home. I had told him about Brittany and the latest development, of course. I had expected him to lose his mind and squeal in excitement. I think he wanted to, but instead he kept his guard up about Brittany and asked me a bunch of questions about what had changed for her. Kurt was very defensive of me. I think it came from us having experienced high school and college and even after together. He'd seen everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. I think perhaps he anticipated the latter two before they ever happened and he worried.

I needed the space to get ready for tonight on my own, no one there to perceive me or tease me about the date. I put on music and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, trying to hype myself up. I heard the sound of the intercom buzzing and jumped up. She was here. I scurried to the front door and waited for the knock. When it came I waited a moment before I opened, making sure to take a deep breath before I did so. When I unlatched the door there was Brittany, standing in front of me with a smile on her face. She looked beautiful in an easy way, all bright faced and sparkly eyes.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." She smiled back.

As she walked in the door we exchanged niceties, Brittany commenting on how nice our apartment was, me offering her a drink. When the silence fell we looked at each other anticipating the other, waiting for some kind of indication of what would happen next.

"I'll just be a sec, and then we can go." I finally said and shot Brittany a smile. I headed down to the bathroom and closed the door. Leaning with my arms on the basin, I looked into the mirror into my own eyes and took a deep breath. Now that she was here, I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with the rush of nerves that I felt a little sick. I checked my make up one last time and walked out of the bathroom. Brittany was standing in the kitchen looking at a photo on the fridge. It was of Kurt and I, fifteen or sixteen, sitting in our school's choir room with my chin on his shoulder. He had such a baby face in that photo, but I supposed I probably did too. I was wearing my too short cheerleading uniform and we were both smiling.

"So cute." Brittany said, quietly. My cheeks flushed and I cursed myself for not putting the photo away before she got here.

I think Brittany recognised my embarrassment, because she scanned my face and then quickly looked away. "You wanna head off?" She asked.

I nodded and we walked downstairs. I was surprised to learn that Brittany drove a well loved Subaru, the kind I'd remembered my friend Finn driving around years ago. I was more charmed by it than anything. I didn't care much about cars. I had a small Chevy that my parents had bought me for my high school graduation. It was brand new at the time and very generous of them. Nine years later and it'd seen better days but I'd figure I'd drive it for another nine years and probably straight into the ground.

"It's my Dad's." Brittany said as she jumped into the front seat. "Well, it was my Dad's. I used to drive it around in high school. When I told him I was moving here, he gave it to me."

"Sounds like a good Dad." I replied. "What's he like?"

"He's a math and science teacher. But he also grew up on a farm and spends every spare second of his life gardening. I feel like that sums him up." Brittany smiled as she put the car into drive.

"And your Mom?" I asked.

Something fell in Brittany's face and I remembered what she'd said all those weeks ago, about her Mom being sick.

"She's just the best." Brittany smiled, keeping her eye on the road the whole time. I thought it best not to probe any further. "How about your parents?" Brittany asked.

"My Dad's a doctor. Used to work in emergency, but now he has a family practise. My Mom was a nurse, but now she's the office manager. I have no idea how they work together." I told her.

Brittany laughed. "And what are they actually like?" She said, clearly unsatisfied with the answer I had given.

"They're good parents. Always tried to do the best the could by me. But I didn't grow up having deep and meaningfuls with them, if you get what I mean." I tried to explain.

"I get what you mean." Brittany stopped at a red light and smiled over at me.

The restaurant wasn't far away from my apartment. I'd been there before, with Kurt, but didn't let on that I had. I certainly never been there on a date. As we pulled up, Brittany did the thing I'd always wanted to do, but never had the coordination to do. She put her arm up on my headrest, turned her head and used one hand to parallel park. I didn't realise I was doing it until she looked back at me, but I'd been smiling like an idiot as I watched.

"What?" Brittany said, giggling and putting the car into park.

"Nothing." I shrugged, smiling. I figured she already probably knew.

Inside, the restaurant was dimly lit with small tea lights on the table. There was no missing that this was a date, and it was certainly less casual than our previous meet up at Washington Square. Once we were inside it was clear that Brittany had lost the confidence she'd had in the car. She seemed more nervous than I was and fumbled around with the menu as we talked about what looked good. After the waitress took our drinks order, I decided to make an attempt at quelling the tension that Brittany so obviously held.

"You don't need to be nervous." I reassured her, simply.

Brittany looked back at me and I could tell she hadn't been expecting me to say that. Her shoulders relaxed immediately. "Sorry. I don't even know why I'm nervous."

"If it helps, I was really nervous too." I admitted.

"We're as bad as each other." Brittany observed and we both laughed. "I have an idea. We should just ask each other questions."

"Questions?"

"Yeah. You ask me one, then I ask you one. Let's just simplify the whole getting to know each other thing." She said, nodding as she shared the idea, satisfied that it would be the cure to any of the nerves we both shared. I smiled and nodded in agreement. The idea did make everything seem less intimidating.

"I'll go first." Brittany said. "What did you think of me when we first met?"

I sat back and thought about it. That night at the bar with everyone, Brittany following me outside to the smoker's section and picking my brain.

"You relieved me." I said, barely think about the words before I said them.

Brittany smiled slightly and crinkled her brow to look at me. "Relieved you?"

I let out a laugh. "Yeah. Everyone else was being so annoying, and then you came to talk to me and I just felt relieved." I shrugged. "I also just thought you were really cool, because you walked into our entire group of friends and impressed everyone right away."

"Huh." She replied, swirling her glass of wine around, changing her smile into a smirk. "Your turn."

"What did you think of me when we first met?" I asked Brittany, reversing her question back onto her.

She didn't skip a beat. "Honestly? I just wanted to know more about you from the moment I saw you."

I blushed and took a sip of my wine to try and hide it. When I had placed my drink back down, I looked back at Brittany and rolled my eyes, a feeble attempt to try and bypass how clearly flattered I was. "You go." I prompted.

She looked at me sideways. "This one I'm just curious about. I know that you and Quinn both dated Sam, but did you and Quinn ever date?"

I scrunched my face up at the question and laughed. Oddly enough, this hadn't been the first time I'd been asked this. Tina had asked me the same thing when she'd met us. "No. I did have a huge crush on her in freshman year, but no." I replied, matter of fact.

When Quinn and I were fourteen, I was enraptured by her for the first six months of our friendship. It was a typical coming of age crush for a young lesbian who didn't know she was one. At the time I explained it away to myself as something else completely, as just being intimidated by Quinn and wanting her approval. As our friendship blossomed and we saw different sides of each other, good and bad, the crush dissipated.

"Why do you ask? That doesn't count as my question, by the way." I assured her.

"I don't know. I guess I have some friends that I used to date, and I wondered if it was the case with you guys."

I felt a tinge of jealousy, but my curiosity beat it out. "Are any my competition?" I quipped, surprised at how forward the question was.

Brittany raised her eyebrows and laughed. "No." She said simply, shaking her head. "Does that question count as your question?"

"No." I replied as I looked off to the side, trying to think of the next thing I had to ask. It came to me, even if it was unspecific. "Tell me something about one of these friends you dated."

She slowly nodded and stayed silent, clearly contemplating the answer she wanted to give. "My friend Ashley." Brittany smiled. "We met at college. We went on like, two dates in sophmore year but then we realised we had no chemistry." She started to laugh, and I felt some semblance of relief. "We were both so happy when we realised we were on the same page. We were totally inseparable for that whole year." Brittany said and I saw something that looked like regret flicker on her face.

"Are you guys still close?" I asked her.

"When's it gonna be my turn to ask a question?" She chided me, definitely deflecting the question I had asked. "Not as close as we used to be." Brittany shrugged.

I decided to let the topic go, in spite of my curiosity, until Brittany offered up another comment. "It's hard to keep up with your friends when you're on a ten city tour leg." She shrugged, and I nodded in understanding, though still wondering about what had happened.

"Alright, hit me with it." I prompted.

She looked at me directly in the eyes and for a moment it scared me like it had all those other times, how forward Brittany was with me.

"I know we agreed to take it slow, but what are you.. looking for?" She asked, looking at me expectantly.

I froze and knew my hesitancy was obvious. I hadn't really thought about it, and felt a little silly about the fact that I hadn't.

"It's okay if you don't know." Brittany said, smiling at me. Some of my anxiety about the question melted away.

"I don't really know." I admitted. "But I know that I want to get to know you more. And that like, I.." My sentence petered out. I had wanted to say
that I'd never felt like this before, but the admission felt much too intense for a first date. "I like you." I finally finished my sentence.

"Oh, it's mutual." Her reply came simply.

There was more that I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to find the words that I wanted to convey what I felt. I was grateful for the arrival of our dinner because it gave me an excuse to pause the conversation. I saw my phone light up out of the corner of my eye with a notification from my college's app. I couldn't preview anything, but I knew what it was. I cursed myself for forgetting to turn off notifications. I'd had the forethought to mute my emails but not the damn app.

"How's your food?" Brittany asked, pulling me out of a stupor I hadn't realised I was in. Her face looked more uncertain that it had a few moments ago.

"It's good." I replied, trying to feign some enthusiasm. I desperately wanted to check my phone to see my result. I was fidgeting with my food to stop myself from reaching across to grab it. I shook my head as though I was pushing the thought away.

The waitress came over to ask how everything was, to which Brittany's response was a little brusque. "Good, thanks."

I'd been so in my own head that I'd killed the conversation completely, and now Brittany's face lost the first date spark she'd had five minutes earlier.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. "I'm being totally rude, I'm having a great time. I got distracted thinking about a result for a mid term paper that's coming out today." I started to laugh at how ridiculous my admission was.

Brittany looked up at me, and the lightness in her face came back. "It's okay." She smiled at me. "You can check it if you want."

"Nah." I replied, shaking my head and placing my phone face down on the table. "I'm here with you."

I tried to quell my nerves and silence my preoccupation with school for the rest of the dinner. The questions and answers continued to flow back and forth until dessert arrived and a silence fell that for once didn't make me uncomfortable. My butterflies were in my throat and it was starting to become more and more apparent to me that I wanted to be somewhere other than the restaurant because I wanted to be closer to her. When the natural end point to the evening came, Brittany looked at me, all blue eyes and charm.

"Shall we?"

On our walk to the car, we walked closer and closer to each other until I was sure that her hand would eventually brush mine. To my great disappointment we had to separate to enter the car. As Brittany started the engine she cleared her throat and I knew that what was unspoken between us was what we were both thinking about. The last time we'd been in the car after an evening out, we'd kissed.

"Do you remember dinner at O'Malley's?" Brittany asked me, clearly thinking about what I had been.

I craned my head to look at her as she was driving. "I think you know the answer to that."

Brittany laughed. "I felt so bad because I hated that Quinn was sick, but I was so excited that it turned into dinner with you."

"Really?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

When we pulled up to my apartment, I went above my nerve. "Do you want to come up?" I asked.

Brittany didn't respond but put the car in park and then turned to look at me. "Yes. But.." She smiled.

"Taking it slow." I affirmed.

"Yeah." She nodded. "But can I walk you to the door?"

I nodded and got out of the car, heart hammering in my chest. We stood at the door to the building and both turned on our heels. I put my hands on my coat and fidgeted with my keys. "I had a really good time tonight." I said, the words coming out in a near whisper.

Brittany stood looking at me with her hands still on either side, looking less nervous than I was but anticipatory all the same. "Me too." She replied, and smiled at me.

"Can I kiss you?" She asked in a whisper.

I swallowed and felt my heart hammer even harder. I didn't say anything, just nodded and took my hands out of my pockets. She smiled brighter and stepped forward until our coats brushed each others and raised her hand to cup my cheek. I looked up to meet Brittany's face until her lips meant mine, and I remembered how wonderful it felt, and how much better this was when I didn't have a seatbelt in the way. It was soft and gentle and I could feel her smiling as she guided my face with her own. My hands reached between us, snaking beneath her open coat and to her waist as I pulled her closer to me. Her body was flush with mine and I could smell her perfume. I broke the kiss to look at her and smiled, leaning back in to peck her lips again. We stood there for a moment, my hands around her waist and hers pulling me in by my shoulders.

I wanted to stay there, but I knew we couldn't stand in the cold in front of my apartment forever. I reached my hands up to grab her face and pecked her lips again.

"Goodnight, Britt." I whispered.

"Goodnight, Santana."