The months go by, and the baby grows. My pregnancy is now impossible to hide, and after about two thirds, I ask Wakka to come work for me full time.
I'm generally healthy, but so terribly tired from sunrise to sunset that I could spend all my days on the couch in front of the sphere screen, with only occasional trips to the kitchen or the bathroom. No problem there.
Wakka is rather shocked by my offer, but it makes sense. He knows the business already, and surprisingly enough he has got a head for finances. He's not too bad with the suppliers either, so he has been of great help to me. It's time that his salary matches his efforts.
He accepts, but I understand that it's hard for him. Taking on an actual full time job means one step further to accepting that his Biltzball career is just not happening. He is sad, tells me that the only team actually offering him a spot have been the Besaid Aurochs – and even I know that this is the one team that loses really all the time.
We hammer out the last of the details, and Wakka leaves me in my office in order to check on the latest shipment from Kilika.
The baby kicks when I lean forward against the edge of the desk, my arms have gotten awfully short lately. I pat my belly, and with a sad smile I wonder for the umpteenth time how it would feel to share all this with Auron. I have not seen him or spoken to him since the day we met at the embankment, when I told him about the baby.
By the Fayth, I really hurt him badly that day. Looking back, I'm deeply ashamed of the way I treated him. I assumed without asking, and when I unloaded it all I barely let him speak between my accusations. Yet, I haven't even tried to contact him. I admit, I am too much of a coward. I fear that I made it impossible for him to forgive me for my behaviour, and I do not want to face his rejection. Thus, I keep silent.
The low hum of the com sphere startles me out of my self-pity, an incoming call.
It's Auron?! What the-
I'm so shocked, I almost forget to answer the call.
"Hi," I breathe, absolutely at a loss.
"Hi," he answers, and the tiny Auron on the sphere screen looks about a decade older than I remember.
"Is there… something I can do for you?" I ask, when Auron is silent.
He rubs a hand over his face, and the whole gesture speaks of exhaustion.
"Jecht is dying," Auron finally informs me, "and he is asking for you. Will you come see him?"
"Of course!" I cry, shocked. "Is there something else I can do? Something or someone I can pick up on my way?"
"No, we are fine. Just come quickly, please. I do not know how long…" he trails off and looks to the side.
"Okay, I'm on my way. See ya in a bit."
"See you." Auron ends the call without looking back at me.
The tears spill over as soon as the com sphere goes dark.
"Oh no, Jecht… Auron…" I sob, fumbling for a handkerchief. Auron asked me to hurry, so I'm determined not to waste more time than absolutely necessary. As an afterthought, I throw the com sphere into my purse.
On my way out of the shop I meet Rikku and Wakka, apparently the Al Bhed girl just brought the news from the house boat.
"Shall I drop you off at Tidus's?" I ask them, before Wakka can ask for an afternoon off on the first day of his new job.
The two of them accept gratefully, and after a detour to the docks, I arrive at the nursing home where Jecht spent almost the last decade and a half.
Taking one last deep breath I lightly knock on Jecht's door, and let myself in.
When Michael was alive and our magic skills were connected, he sometimes took me with him to the houses of healing, so that I would learn to manage my new abilities. After he got diagnosed, he volunteered at the local hospice, where I acted as his assistant on occasion. Before that, I fought in the War, and spent the better part of two decades on the battlefield.
Death is no stranger to me. It greets me with cold familiarity as soon as I enter the room, giving me an odd sense of both dread and serenity. Shivers crawl down my spine, and old memories awaken.
"Hey," I say quietly, a fruitless effort to escape those memories.
"Hey," Auron echoes from his chair by Jecht's bedside. He raises his head, and his gaze lingers on my increasing midriff for a second. His face is ashen and he looks drawn. He finally locks eyes with me, unashamed of the tears spilling out of his good eye.
My heart breaks for him.
I shoot him a lopsided smile and take a seat on the other side of Jecht's bed. The former Blitzer is but a wraith of himself, his skin is as pale as the sheets, his cheeks are sunken and his eyes are closed. I have difficulty making out the rise and fall of his tattooed chest, but I can hear his ragged breathing.
His hand is still placed on the mood sphere, which glows in ominous grey swirls. Void, oblivion, death. Jecht is closer to the dead than to the living.
"Hey," I say again, this time to Jecht, and put a light hand on his, where it is placed on the mood sphere. Jecht's hand is as cold as ice. "It's me, Eanna. I'm here."
Jecht's eyes crack open, and the ghost of a smile touches his lips.
White seeps into the grey. Joy.
"I'm glad to see you, too," I tell him, and muster a smile of my own.
The grey intensifies, and then fades into brown. Sorrow.
"Yes," I answer. Jecht knows exactly what's going on, there's no need to spare his feelings. "I know you have to go. I'm sad, too. I rather enjoyed our Blitzball evening."
Silent tears run down my face, and I try to smile through them.
For another moment, there's pink mixed in the brown, but then there's only grey. Jecht's eyelids drop, and for a second the room is absolutely silent.
Finally, Jecht's raged breathing resumes. He's gone back to sleep.
"Thank you," Auron says, clearing his throat. "Thank you for coming."
"Of course," I tell him, again. Rummaging through my purse, I hunt for a handkerchief.
With something akin to an amused snort, Auron hands me one from Jecht's beside table.
"Thanks."
We sit mutely for a while, Auron's dying friend between us, both of us holding one of his hands.
"Tidus didn't want to come?" I ask at length.
"No. He knows, but…" Auron hesitates. "He is at home. He should not be alone, but…"
"He's not alone. Apparently, Tidus told Yuna, who told Rikku, who's getting the whole gang together. I dropped Rikku and Wakka off at the house boat before I came here. Tidus is not alone, he'll be fine."
"Thank you," Auron says, again, and we lapse back into silence.
The light outside fades, and Nurse Milla enters the room. She activates the two light spheres in the corners of the room with a slight touch and the room is suffused with warm, red and yellow light. Nurse Milla keeps the light spheres to a low setting, and the result is a cosy, womb-like feeling.
She checks in on Jecht, rearranges his bedding and leaves us to ourselves again.
After a while, Auron rises from his chair.
"Do you mind if I take a quick bathroom break?"
"Of course not."
And he's gone.
Jecht wakes about two minutes later, I can only tell because from one moment to the next, his eyes are tiny slits. He grunts.
"Hey, it's alright, you're not alone," I tell him, when his eyes travel the perimeter of the room. "Auron had to step outside for a moment. He'll be back any minute now."
With supreme effort, Jecht jerks his chin at me once. The mood sphere's grey turns to red and black for a moment.
"Auron and I?" I ask. "What about us?"
The mood sphere glows a deep ruby red.
"Love," I breathe and instantly, tears stream down my cheeks. Jecht looks at me expectantly.
"Yes," I sniffle, "yes, I love him. So much it hurts." My voice breaks.
Jecht closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and I think he has gone back to sleep. But when Auron chooses this moment to enter the room, Jecht's eyes flutter open one more time.
Auron is instantly by his old friend's side and firmly takes his hand in his own
Both men have tears streaming down their faces, and on the mood sphere muddy brown mixes with ruby red.
Jecht grunts at me, then his eyes make jarring movements from my face to the mood sphere and to Auron.
"Jecht loves you, and he's sad," I obediently read out, as Auron can't see the sphere from the other side of Jecht's bed. "I think he's telling you goodbye."
The two men cry together for a moment, until Auron gently kisses Jecht's forehead.
"Goodbye, old friend."
Jecht slips into unconsciousness.
We wait.
Nurse Milla returns some time later and places a tray on Jecht's bedside table. It's a snack for Auron and me, as neither of us has eaten in several hours. Outside our room, I can hear the clatter of plates and cutlery, dinner is being served to the other patients. Or are the dinner trays already being collected? I've totally lost all sense of time.
Auron doesn't favour the tray with so much as a glance, but I can tell he's in bad shape. I pour a glass of water and carry it around the bed.
"Thank you," he says when he accepts it. He has to clear his throat before he can drink any of the water.
"Do you want me to fix you a sandwich? I think I can improvise something with the food they brought."
"No, thank you." His gaze travels to my baby hump again. "You must be starving, you should eat."
I smile a small smile, take his glass, refill it and place it within easy reach for him. Then I grab some food off the tray and take a bite while I sink down on my chair again.
It's really nothing special, just typical, bland hospital food, but it makes me realise that I'm starving. And thirsty, if not to say parched. Funny, I hadn't noticed.
Hours go by, while we watch Jecht's skin gradually take on a pale, yellowish hue. His features change, until his face looks almost like a skull, his waxen skin drawn tightly over the bones. His breathing sounds more laboured by the hour, but it slows so gradually that I do not notice the change at first. What I do notice, however, is the fact that his breath hitches more and more often. Jecht is skipping breaths, and each time it takes longer and longer until his chest rises again.
Auron and I hardly talk during that time. Around midnight, I briefly wonder if he would rather I leave and give him and his best friend some privacy, but I decide to stay. I really don't want to leave him to watch his best friend die, alone. He doesn't seem to mind me around, anyways.
Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, Jecht draws a last, painful breath.
Deafening silence echoes through the room, until Auron lays his head on Jecht's chest and just lets go. He cries for a long time, while I stand behind him with my hands on his shoulders.
When his tears are spent for the moment, Auron rises to place another gentle kiss on Jecht's forehead.
"Goodbye, old friend."
After Auron has stepped away from the bed, I activate the preservation sphere at its bottom end.
Those spheres were invented a long time ago, when the War was only a couple of centuries old and at a momentary peak. They preserve a deceased's body for a time, and keep them from turning into a fiend. What else do you do when you have mass casualties, and not nearly enough summoners to send them?
I'm just glad we don't need the large scale preservation spheres any longer. With those, you can preserve a whole block of buildings turned rubble, or a battlefield after the battle has ended, until a summoner gets around for the sending.
The day after next, we gather in the little garden outside the care home for a small sending ceremony.
At least, that was the plan.
Even though he has spent the last years in some measure of obscurity, Jecht is still one of three heroes to end the War. I can tell Auron isn't thrilled, but three Zanarkand city officials have found their way to the ceremony, as well as two managers of the Zanarkand Abes. After all, Jecht used to be a famous Blitzball player.
Most of the current Abes' Blitzball ream is also there, not for Jecht, really, but to pay their respects to Tidus.
Thankfully, the speeches are kept short.
Our kids are there as well, all in full battle gear except for Tidus and Yuna, of course. There is still a chance that Jecht will turn into a fiend when the preservation sphere is switched off, so all of them are prepared to do what's necessary. This way, neither Tidus nor Auron would have to.
Yuna has asked to be allowed to perform the sending, and I think it's fitting.
Her dance is captivating, elegant and beautiful, because Yuna could never be anything else. Her air and manner tell me that this is not her first sending, and once more I wonder what kind of experiences exactly the kids made in Spira. Nes has been very vague when talking about certain things. Apparently, what happens in Spira, stays in Spira.
As is custom, the mourners offer their sympathies one by one to Tidus and Auron after the last of Jecht's pyreflies have vanished, and then leave.
When only the kids, Auron and I are left, we pile into the gliders and make our way over to the house boat.
I hesitate when Wakka, Kimahri and Nes have climbed out of my glider, not sure what to do now. Tidus decides for me.
"Will you come in?" he asks. And I do.
Yuna and I make coffee and hunt for some snacks, as neither Tidus nor Auron seem in a position to play host. I haven't seen her much in recent weeks, and I'm happy to be working alongside her in the kitchen of the house boat again. We used to share the 'not-quite-a-guest-but-not-quite-at-home-yet-either' feeling, and I am extremely grateful that she does not make me feel like the guest I now am.
The mood is solemn as we're all gathered in the living room, and is made even more gloomy by the heavy rain setting in. Most of us nurse a cup, but the food remains untouched. I'm not concerned, this is quite normal. People will eat as the day progresses.
"One of my first memories of him," Tidus suddenly blurts out, "is that he's arguing with my mother. Told her she's spoiling me. That I needed to grow up, become a real man."
I raise an eyebrow. Tidus must have been what, five when the War ended? Jecht's been on the pilgrimage with Auron and Braska for about a year, and had been a prisoner of war in Bevelle for like two years before he even met Braska. So Tidus must have seen his father last when he was about two or three years old. Awfully young to be told to grow up, even indirectly. Auron once told me that Jecht chose very strange ways to show his love for his only child, and I am tempted to believe it.
As if provoked by my thoughts, Auron turns from the window he's been staring out of. "You know that he loves…" he clears his throat, "loved you very much."
Tidus shrugs. "He loved Mother, too. And she loved him so much it killed her when he didn't come back."
Auron silently lowers his head for a moment, then turns back to his study of the rivulets running down the window pane.
Tidus is bitter, and I understand. From his perspective, neither parent can have cared too much for him. My experiences raising Nes have taught me that there must be more to that story, but that doesn't change the fact that this family's dynamic was rather… unbalanced.
"Have you thought about what to do with the house boat?" Lulu asks into the ensuing silence.
I see Auron's back stiffen.
"Ya," Wakka chimes in, "you always said how it was your father's thing as a star Blitzer to live as close to the water as possible. If you don't like it, you can give it up now!"
"I… don't know…" Tidus scratches his neck with his elbow high in the air.
"Guys," Nes interrupts when Rikku is about to join in with an enthusiastic look on her face, "that's a decision to be made in the future. Not today," he emphasizes when Wakka opens his mouth to speak. The redhead snaps his mouth shut.
Auron has been slinking out of the room during the short debate, I don't think any of the kids have noticed. Oh, Kimahri obviously has, as he's raising a questioning eyebrow at me. I stare at him blankly, and he jerks his head in the direction of the door.
He's right. I should at least go and see if Auron needs anything. So I shoot Kimahri a short smile and leave in search for the remaining one of High Summoner Braska's legendary guardians.
It's still raining heavily, and I see Auron's coat in the hall. As it wouldn't be beyond him at this point, I grab the coat and check the deck. Auron once told me that he comes up here to think. Fortunately, he's not there, and I finally find him in his bedroom.
Surprised, he turns around when I first knock, and then enter without waiting for his answer.
"My apologies for intruding, I just wanted to see if there was something you needed?"
"No, thank you. I am fine."
"Auron…" I trail off, as words fail me. I draw a deep breath, and try again. "I know I'm overstepping several boundaries here, but I really don't think you should be alone right now. I'd be happy to keep you company, but I understand if you don't want me to…" I break off, and now it's my turn to look at the heavy drops hammering down on the window. "At least tell me if I can call someone for you?" I choke back tears at the last word.
"Eanna…" Auron is suddenly before me, lifting up my chin with his hand, and staring down into my face. I can see unshed tears pool in his good eye. "Would you really, after…"
"Hush," I tell him and place my fingertips on his mouth. "That's not important now. I agree that we need to talk this out at some point," I continue when he makes to speak, "but now's not the time."
Auron intently searches my face, until he very suddenly lets go of all his tension and drops his head on my shoulder.
"Oh, Auron," I breathe, and the floodgates open. We are both ugly crying for a long time.
Guilt coils up my gut until my intestines are all in knots. Yes, it's true that I want to be there for Auron, and it's true that I think he shouldn't be alone with his loss. But… selfish person that I am, I want to be with him, too. I've missed him so much I've been totally beside myself since our argument at the embankment several months ago. Now fate, or the Fayth, or whatever else has made our paths cross again, and I just can't bring myself to walk back out of his life. At least, not yet.
With time, we move over and sit on the bed. I resolutely push away the memories associated with it, and concentrate on Auron's voice, as he recounts his memories of Jecht. I again share the evening I spent with Jecht at the care home, when we watched Tidus's first game for the Zanarkand Abes, this time with more attention to detail.
Auron tells me stories of the past, about Jecht in Spira, Jecht and Braska, and Jecht back here in Zanarkand, after the assassination. I learn that Jecht was badly injured, but not beyond hope after it all went down. Unfortunately, he suffered a stroke before an equally injured Auron could get a healer for him. That's why he never recovered, and how he became bedridden.
We laugh and cry in turns as Auron's words guide me through this part of his life. I'm fascinated, and ashamed at the same time. Auron never seemed to want to share his past with me, but now I know I should have asked about it more often. I guess by wanting to respect his privacy, I actually gave him the feeling that I wasn't interested. I'm humbled by his openness and trust.
At some point after sunset, I poke my head into the living room in order to check in on the kids. They are still all gathered there, but while the mood is still sad, they don't seem to be as heavy-hearted as they were earlier.
Nes sees me at the door, touches Kimahri and together they join me in the hall.
"Everything okay?" I ask them once Kimahri has closed the door to the living room.
Nes shrugs. "Tidus is doing okay, under the circumstances. Kimahri and I are going to stay the night, though. We all are."
"Thanks for letting me know. Is there anything you need?"
"No, we're good."
Sir Auron well? Kimahri wants to know.
"As well as can be expected, I guess." Now it's my turn to shrug.
"Are you going to stay the night as well?" Nes is very hesitant asking this question, I can tell.
"I don't know yet. Maybe."
We look at each other awkwardly for a while.
"Okay, guys," I finally break the silence. "I'm going to grab something to drink from the kitchen, just let me know if you need anything."
"Will do," Nes confirms, and Kimahri nods. Then they join the rest of the group in the living room.
Oh wow, I hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements yet. Well, I guess I will have to ask Auron.
Not much later, I enter Auron's bedroom bearing a tray laden with steaming cups of spiced tea, as well as sugar, milk, a couple of sandwiches and some cookies.
Auron smiles as I place the tray on the bed, and join him there. "There were times you would resort to something stronger, as I remember."
I answer his smile with a rueful one of my own. "Not at the moment, and not for some time to come," I tell him, and pat my belly.
Auron clears his throat and reaches out to pour some milk into his tea, not commenting on my statement.
"I hope you like the spices," I say, blowing into my cup in order to cool the tea down to drinking temperature. "I didn't know how you liked it."
"It smells great," Auron answers, and stirs his cup. "I have not had spiced tea in years. Yuna's mother used to make some whenever Braska invited me into their home."
"I'm sorry, I hope I'm not stirring unpleasant memories. I didn't know."
Auron takes a tentative sip and puckers his nose. Still hot.
"Do not worry, these are actually good memories, for a change. Jecht had some trouble, though, he could not understand that married life was so nice and quiet for Braska and his wife. Apparently, his own marriage was much more temperamental. When I got to know him better, and later met Tidus's mother, I understood."
And just like this, Auron launches into another tale about Braska, Jecht and him, about how Jecht tried to provoke the summoner into some kind of outburst about his wife, and about how Braska teased the Blitzer mercilessly, insinuating some measure of envy on Jecht's part. And how the both of them bore down on Auron the celibate, of course.
After midnight, Auron falls asleep in my arms. I lay awake for a long time after his breath has become slow and quiet, holding onto him.
Despite the tragic circumstances, this evening has felt so good, so right! After the initial awkwardness of having me on his bed had vanished, we fell back into an easy camaraderie, as if the evening at the embankment had never happened.
But it has happened.
I feel like crying myself to sleep, but don't dare lest I wake Auron.
The next morning, I wake as Auron stirs beside me. Some time during the night he has slipped down from my body, and I'm now nestled onto his right side, head on his good shoulder, almost as we used to sleep… before. I promptly sit up.
"I'm sorry," I yawn.
"Good morning to you, too," Auron deadpans, and rubs a hand over his face. "Don't apologise, it felt good having you sleep by my side."
He looks away, but I think I've seen a pained look cross his face. I hang my head, unsure what to say.
"Thank you," I hear Auron's deep voice after a minute of silence, "for staying with me. I really appreciate that you would not want to leave me alone. After what I said that day you told me about the baby…" Auron pauses for a moment. "I was not sure if you would ever talk to me again."
My head snaps up, but Auron is still not looking at me. I smile a rueful smile.
"Well, I wasn't so very nice, either. I called you a jerk, if I remember correctly."
Auron snorts. "You also called me reflected and emotionally mature."
"Well, you are. Most of the time, anyway."
We both snort a short laugh.
"Does it bother you?" Auron asks with a glance at my belly.
"What? The fact that I'm pregnant or the pregnancy itself?"
"Either. Both." Auron shrugs, and I take a moment to think.
"Well, let's start with the easy half. It's an easy pregnancy so far. Yes, I'm suffering from what my healer calls 'the great tiredness', and I get back pains after long days at work, and I usually toss and turn quite a while before I can find a comfortable position to go to sleep." I shrug.
"But that's all quite normal. I had some trouble with morning sickness for a couple of weeks, but it kind of went away on its own, and now I feel fine! So, no, the pregnancy itself doesn't bother me very much."
"May I touch you?"
"Sure!" I take Auron's hand and place it on the upper left side of my belly. "Usually, all the little bumps are here. Feet, elbows, knees, hands, I don't really know which. And if you do this-" I press a hand into the front of my belly, "he will usually protest by kicking."
"He?" Auron asks with a raised eyebrow.
I shrug again. "Just a hunch."
I slightly change the position of my hand and again apply pressure, and apparently now baby feels bothered enough to kick forcefully, twice. I can't quite interpret the look on Auron's face, but he seems fascinated.
"You didn't answer the second part of the question," he finally says, not looking up from where I hold his hand to my belly.
I take a deep breath and weigh my answer.
"I honestly thought I couldn't have children." Auron's head snaps up, he searches my face as I go on. "I never conceived before. Not once. So, yeah, in the beginning it was quite a shock. But now…" I swallow. "I didn't know that one could love someone so fiercely, so unconditionally, without even having met them."
My voice turns soft.
"No, it doesn't bother me. It did at first, but not any more." My gaze is drawn to our hands, still one atop the other on my belly.
"Listen, Auron, I… I'm sorry." I try to look him in the eye, but Auron's head is bowed once more.
"The things I said to you that evening… I was very selfish, and inconsiderate. I spat out allegations, when I should have asked questions. At the very least, I should have paused to think how it must have been for you." I sigh.
"You found yourself in a foreign city, surrounded by former enemies, your summoner had just died on you, your best friend incapacitated, and there you are, burdened with the responsibility to care for a very young child. You had to take first his father's place, then the mother's, too. And through all this, you were alone. All alone! I cannot imagine how you did it. I'm sorry, Auron, I shouldn't have tried to shame you for it."
"I thought I could be a guardian once more," Auron answers quietly, without looking up. "You are right, though. All these years, I have kept Tidus at arm's length. I could not bring myself to take Jecht's place in his life, not while Jecht was still around and there was hope…"
"Hope that they would reconcile?"
"I should have known they never would, and I think in a way I have always known. I simply could not admit it, even to myself. They are both very headstrong."
We are silent for a while, until I start to get up from the bed.
"I'm sorry, I really need to go to the bathroom." I shrug apologetically. Carrying a foetus around in your belly really diminishes space for your inner organs. Space for your bladder, for example.
When I switch on the light sphere in the tiny bathroom, my knees almost give way. My toothbrush is there, right where it used to be, lined up on the sink next to the ones Tidus, Yuna and Auron use. A bit of dust has settled on it, so I guess it must have been here all these months, waiting for me. I cannot fathom how I could have missed it last night.
Auron's bedroom is empty when I have finished my morning ablutions, but I hear noises from the kitchen. Tidus and Yuna are there, together with Rikku, Kimahri and Auron. They have just finished setting the table, and Kimahri hands me a cup of coffee. I smile a silent 'thank you'.
We eat mostly in silence, and the kid's presence keeps the awkwardness between Auron and me at bay. I can actually pretend everything is normal.
"How are you feeling?" I ask Tidus, once we have all finished eating. He shrugs.
"I… I don't know. It's… a lot. Confusing."
I smile a sad smile. "Yeah, I know. I remember the overwhelming mix of feelings from when Michael died. It's normal. Only a few short days ago, you lost your father all over again. Mourning takes time, and you will have to go through different stages. You'll get there."
"I… I'm actually relieved that he's gone!" Tidus blurts out.
Yuna keeps her eyes firmly trained on her plate, Rikku pales, but the most noticeable reaction is Auron's, as he drops his coffee cup. While he and Yuna try to clean up the mess, I reach over the table to press Tidus's hand.
"I remember that, too."
Auron and Yuna still, and all eyes are on me.
"You love them so much, but as time passes, the situation starts to take its toll on you. It isn't anybody's fault, really, but it's wearing you out none the less. So when they die, it feels like a weight is lifted from your shoulders. The relief is palpable. And so is the guilt. Because you shouldn't feel like this. You should be sad, and if you feel any relief at all, it should be for them because they are in a better place now." I sigh.
I'm still looking only at Tidus, but I'm speaking to Auron, too. He hasn't mentioned anything last night, but I imagine that in all its sadness, Jecht's death freed him from an enormous responsibility.
"Don't fight these feelings. They are valid, and they all have their place in the mourning process. The relief you feel doesn't mean that you're happy that your father has died. You can be sad about that while also feeling for yourself."
Tears are running down Tidus's cheeks.
For a minute, the room is silent, until Auron breaks the moment by throwing his cloth into the sink. Yuna refills his coffee cup, and they both sit down again.
"Thank you," Tidus mumbles, and is gone.
Yuna makes to follow him, but Rikku holds her back as Kimahri is already right behind Tidus.
"Let the men sort it out for the moment," she says.
"You sign when you talk."
"Mmhm?" I look over at Auron, who stares back at me.
"You sign when you talk. You did not do that before," he clarifies his previous statement.
I snort. "I guess living with Kimahri does that to you."
"You made good progress. I remember you did not have many signs when Kimahri moved in with Nes and you."
Now I have to smile. "Kimahri's a good teacher. Very patient."
Rikku giggles, and even Yuna grins widely. Auron smiles a tiny smile as I finish the last of my coffee.
"Well, I'll go see if Nes is awake yet. I really should get going."
I find Nes in the living room, where he is helping Lulu and Wakka fold the blankets and stuff they used for their impromptu sleepover.
"I'm going to collect my things and go home. Do you want to come with me?"
"I think I'd rather stay. Where's Kimahri?"
"I don't know. He's with Tidus, though. Okay, I can come pick you up later if you want, maybe Auron will let you use the com sphere."
I have finally found all my things and am standing in the short hall, putting on my boots when Auron closes the kitchen door firmly behind him.
"I realise this is probably neither the time nor the place, but what you said about the baby, about me…" he lets the rest of the sentence hang in the stuffy air.
I smile sadly. "I still mean it, Auron. I want you in our lives. It's up to you. Just… call me when you're ready."
"Will do."
"Okay."
Awkward silence descends around us, and this is not how I want this encounter to end. But I don't know what to say, so I place a light kiss on the big scar on Auron's face. The gesture is a bit too intimate for the hall with the house boat full of people, but I don't care.
The last thing I see before I leave is Auron's face, good eye closed, perfectly still.