Severus made his way back into the house and shut the door. He stomped the snow from his boots, and removed them slowly. Walking into the kitchen, he noticed Hermione was nowhere to be found. The library, he figured. He climbed the stairs, and took a deep breath. Confrontation was definitely his strong suit, but not with someone like Hermione. He did not want to hurt her, but his concerns about their relationship were serious. Then there was the obvious issue that he had used magic on her, which was bound to make her angry.
He entered the library and found Hermione reading quietly near the fireplace. She looked up at him, and went right back to reading. Severus glanced at the title: Potions and Problems: The Masters' Guide. His heart lurched. She would not be reading anything she was not interested in, and he knew that potions had quickly become one of her favorite subjects. To know that she was interested in his interests thrilled him.
Sometimes he pictured what the future could be: the two of them brewing side by side, experimenting, teaching one another, learning from one another. He may be the Potions Master, but there were still many things he could learn from Hermione. Patience was one of those things. Maybe you should practice it now, he joked to himself.
Severus walked to the arm chair opposite to where Hermione was sitting, and sat down.
"Hermione," he drawled slowly.
Hermione glanced up at him. "Oh, now you want to talk to me?" she replied bitterly.
Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Control your anger, he reminded himself.
"Hermione," he continued, "is there anything you wish to tell me?" Severus thought that if he played things coy, maybe she would realize he knew something.
He was mistaken.
"Tell you about what?" she replied sharply.
It was obvious she had no idea what he was talking about, so he was going to have to either drag it out of her, or admit what he knew. Of course, dragging it out of her was his first choice.
"Do you really believe you love me after being with me for such a short amount of time?" Severus' words were spoken with so little emotion that Hermione had no idea what point he was getting at by asking them.
Her expression went wild, "Severus, what?!" She stood up quickly and slammed the book on the chair. She winced at how disrespectful that action may have come across as. Severus paused. It was obvious Hermione was about to continue speaking.
"I knew something was wrong, and I've been torturing myself all day long trying to come up with something I could have possibly done to offend you, or to hurt you- but I have no idea what. However, I will say this. If you think I only just starting loving you within the past four months, you are mistaken. If you want to talk about when I first realized I had feelings for you then we'll have to go back years." Hermione watched his eyebrows raise. "Yes, Severus- years," she responded to his obviously shocked features.
"I don't know what has upset you, but I do know that if we are going to be in a relationship, then we need to be honest with one another- about everything. So, if there is something you wish to tell me, then I suggest you do so because I am thoroughly confused." She crossed her arms, and stared at him from behind the arm chair.
Severus took a deep breath, "Hermione, have you been maintaining a protective charm over yourself?"
Hermione didn't need to answer because the look in her eyes said everything. She sucked air through her teeth, and turned around, no longer wanting to face him.
"I just want to know why. I was under the impression we were able to trust one another implicitly, so you can only imagine my hurt and confusion upon realizing that maybe you have not been honest with me." Severus stared at the back of her head, hoping she would turn around to look at him.
The silence that followed his words seemed to last an eternity.
When Hermione finally spoke, her voice was strained. "Did you use magic on me?"
"Yes," Severus replied bluntly. "And I apologize for doing so, but why was I left feeling that doing so was the only way I could understand you?"
Hermione spun around, "Do not blame this on me, Severus. I can't believe you would do that. You had no right."
The tone in her voice made him feel vulnerable. He was not used to being wrong, especially by someone so much younger than him. He needed to change his approach if he was going to salvage this relationship.
Severus got up from his chair and walked to Hermione, placing his hands on each of her shoulders.
Staring into her eyes, he began to speak, "Hermione, please. Why are you unable to be completely open with me? How are we to have a relationship if you are hiding things from me?" His tone softened, causing much of the tension in Hermione's shoulders to disappear.
He continued, "why do you feel the need to protect yourself from me?" Hermione's eyes saddened at his words. Her visible anger had disappeared, and Severus could tell she had become upset at his words.
"Severus, I've been maintaining this charm for almost two years. If you want the honest truth, it has become so second nature that I do it out of habit."
She stopped abruptly and stared into his eyes, "I wish you would use Legilimency to find out the truth of the protective charm."
She glared at Severus, and raised one perfect eyebrow at him. He sighed, but knew he had no choice.
Hermione could instantly feel his presence in her mind.
Hermione was standing in Ginny's room with a red party dress on, fixing her hair. It was Bill and Fleur's wedding. "Hermione, are you coming?!" Ginny yelled from downstairs. "In a minute!" Hermione replied. Hermione looked at herself in the mirror and mouthed an incantation, "protego adfectus."
The scene morphed into darkness.
Hermione was alone in a tent. Harry called to her from outside, "'Mione, are you ready?" "Just about!" Hermione responded. She grabbed her beaded bag, and began mumbling, "Protego adfectus, protego adfectus..."
Again, Severus was plunged into darkness.
Hermione was studying alone in her dormitory. She was interrupted by a soft knock at her door. It was Ginny. "Are you ready to head out?" the red head questioned. Hermione gave a small smile, "be right there!" Ginny exited the room. Hermione grabbed her scarf and immediately began to whisper her protective charm.
Severus was transported to a final memory. This time, the scene before him was familiar.
Hermione was standing in front of the master bathroom in Severus' castle, clothed in a deep green teddy. She brushed out her curls, and spritzed her neck with perfume. Seemingly satisfied with her appearance, she starting muttering an incantation.
Severus pulled himself from Hermione's mind. Despite the fact that she forced him to invade her memories, he felt uncomfortable. He never wanted to use magic on her, regardless of whether she asked him to or not.
He not only felt uncomfortable, but he felt ashamed. It was bad enough that he had treated her poorly, but he did so without asking for an explanation. Always quick to assume the worst, Severus, he chided himself silently.
He reached for Hermione's hand and motioned for her to sit in the empty arm chair. Instantly, the second chair moved so it was next to her. Severus sat in it, never letting go of her hand.
"I never should have use magic on you without your consent," he started. "I acknowledge that was wrong of me, and I ask for your forgiveness." Hermione gave a small nod.
He continued, "You are correct. I should have come to you with my questions and concerns directly. I supposed I could blame that on my personality and how I am used to acting, but that does not excuse the behavior." He sighed.
"The only reason I suspected a charm was because of that," he motioned to the green ring on her finger.
Hermione rolled her eyes in disbelief, "this ring alerted you to a protective charm?" she questioned sarcastically.
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Not quite," he replied.
He let go of her hand and pulled the pendant out from under his sweater. Hermione noticed the reddish glow.
"I'm not sure if you realized this, Hermione, but we essentially bought one another the same gift." Hermione cocked her head confusingly.
Severus continued, "these are both fire emeralds. Did you know that?" Hermione shook her head. "Aside from its development inside volcanic rock, it received that name because the edge of the stone turns red whenever the wearer feels love."
Severus removed the pendant and placed it on the side table next to them. Within a minute, the red disappeared, leaving the brilliant green stone.
Hermione looked down at her ring. There was no denying, it was pure green. She took it off and stared intently at it. She looked up at Severus and whispered, "Severus, I wasn't lying. I love you. You know I love you, and I think that's what made this situation so hard for me to comprehend. How could you really think I didn't?" She slipped the ring back onto her finger. Severus reached for that hand.
"I became suspicious when it didn't glow the first time you put it on. I wondered if there was something wrong with the stone, and I tried to put it out of my mind. But then last night, when you were fast asleep, I saw it. The red was there. It wasn't until you woke up that I noticed the red was gone. It did not take long for me to figure out that you are most relaxed when you're sleeping. And then I recalled your curious statement at dinner about not wanting to lose your focus." His eyes moved from the ring to Hermione's face. "And then I made the choice to reveal any charms you may be using."
To his surprise, Hermione lifted a hand to his face. The small moment of intimacy calmed him.
"Severus, I can't promise you that I'll dispose of my old ways immediately, but I can promise you that it has nothing to do with you. I have never felt safer than I do with you, and if you want to talk about our relationship, then we should." She dropped her hand from his face.
Severus grabbed her other free hand, and held them. "While I do believe that we should discuss a future at some point," he uttered, "I think we can forfeit that conversation today." He kissed her hands.
Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She allowed a feeling of relief to overcome her, and broke through the ward. When she opened her eyes, she looked down at her hand and smiled. Her fire emerald maintained a steady red glow.
She leaned in and kissed Severus deeply. When she broke the kiss, she chuckled. "You know Severus, I anticipate we are going to have times when we disagree with one another, and we may argue, but that doesn't mean my feelings will change. I am sorry I have been shielding myself from powerful emotions. I truly believed you were able to see through my actions that I meant every word I have said, because I do."
Severus questioned Hermione, "why did you feel the need to shield yourself?"
Hermione shrugged. "I think you said it best, 'feelings make you appear weak,' so I wanted to eliminate that weakness as much as I could in case we were captured before the War. Little good it did me, I suppose," she scoffed. She touched the scar on her arm through her sweater.
"Hermione, however you reacted to that terror, I assure you it did not make you appear weak. And if it affects you so much, surely you know there is a potion that could eliminate your scars."
She looked at him in surprise. "Severus, you know Dark Magic has its limits. There's no going back from it." He gave his signature smirk, "I do believe you forget who I once was. It's not an easy potion, but I believe you could do it, if you wanted."
Hermione rolled up her sleeve. Although faded, the word still pieced her mind as if it had just been cut: mudblood.
"I don't know. Sometimes I hate it, but other times it reminds me of what we had to do to be able to live freely. Also, I'm not ashamed, Severus. My parents may not have been magical, but they were amazing."
Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them quickly, "argh, I'm sorry. I really am so tired of crying, Severus. I'm so tired of being upset over something I did to myself. I had the choice not to obliviate them, but I also could not have lived with myself if I had known they were harmed because of me."
Severus turned away awkwardly, an action that did not go unnoticed by Hermione. "What is it Severus?"
"I can assure you that you made the right choice to obliviate them," he stated.
Hermione sighed. She understood what that meant.
"Well, Severus, knowing that, even if we are unable to reverse the spell, I know I saved their lives. I can live with that." She mustered a small smile.
"Anyway," she continued, "not trying to change the subject, but I'm going to be leaving you for the day tomorrow. Ginny claims she has something she needs to discuss with me in person." Severus raise his eyebrows. "Honestly, I have no idea what it could be about," she laughed, "considering I'm fairly sure she has some idea about us, so she would never bring it up unless I did."
Hermione saw Severus tense. "Hermione, I-"
Hermione held up a hand to stop him, "I haven't said a word Severus. Ginny is probably the most perceptive Weasley of the bunch. I know how you feel about them, but give her credit. I think she got most of the talent. And," she went on, despite his protests, "even if she did know, I trust her implicitly."
Severus sighed, "if you insist." He stood up, "of course you may come and go as you please, Hermione. You are my guest. But I do appreciate you letting me know. I think that will work quite well, as there has been something regarding your apprenticeship that I've been meaning to handle." He reached for her hand. She took it, and he helped her up.
She leaned in for a hug, and Severus gave it willingly. He allowed himself to completely melt into her arms. Though difficult, he was glad they had this conversation, because if their relationship was going to work, both of them needed to be vulnerable.