Chapter 1 - Domestic Life

Cooking was the one activity that Levi had embraced now that he had the time. He especially enjoyed experimenting because it allowed him the opportunity to be creative, something he'd never really cared about before. During his time as a Scout on Paradis, Levi had needed to cook for himself and occasionally his squadron. But that was for survival. Things like spices, sauces, condiments, and salt—dammit, salt had changed his whole world—had never been known to exist back then. All the ingredients that made food enjoyable had been secrets, brought to the island by those Marleyans generous enough to share their knowledge. And now that Levi lived in Marley and had unfettered access to every option available, he swore he'd gained weight.

It had been over three years since Levi had lost the index and middle fingers on his right hand and had to re-learn how to do most of the things he'd always done right-handed. It hadn't taken long for him to start favoring his left hand for simple, low-dexterity tasks. Grabbing stuff off of shelves and turning the pages of a book felt better to do with more fingers. Tasks like tying knots and writing were more challenging with missing fingers but, ultimately, too complicated to learn to do strictly left-handed. Those things probably always would be. Levi could still grip a knife, though. That much hadn't changed. It was a skill he'd learned at a young age, and he'd never lose that muscle memory. And although Levi could probably still stab someone in the neck without issue, he had to handle kitchen knives much more carefully now. Negotiating space due to the lack of depth perception that came with losing vision in his right eye would never get easier. For instance, he didn't need to lose any more fingers while cutting carrots for dinner.

When he was done, Levi threw the carrot slices along with some fresh green beans from the back porch into the oil warming in the pan on the stove. The delicious sizzling sound drowned out all other ambient noise in the house. Then he added some minced garlic, sprinkled salt and pepper over top, and mixed it all together.

Just then, Levi heard the front door open, followed by the voices of Gabi and Falco discussing important school-related matters. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying over the sound of the frying vegetables, but it sounded intense.

"Smells good," said Gabi, quickly ending her previous conversation and appearing in the doorway. Falco followed her into the kitchen. "Are we expecting four tonight?"

"Yeah," Levi responded simply.

After the Battle of Heaven and Earth, Levi remembered looking around and realizing that there weren't many people left that he could call friends. Gabi and Falco ended up being, all things considered, pretty good kids. Although Gabi initially hated the people from Paradis, she eventually came around. After the Titans were eliminated, there was no more reason to discriminate. In fact, when she learned that Levi planned to stay in Marley, it was Gabi who suggested that she, Falco, and Onyankopon should stop by and check on him once in a while. However, "once in a while" turned out to mean "almost every night." Levi didn't mind, though; usually, their visits were the high point of his day. And none of them complained when he needed help cleaning, which was a bonus.

"What can I do?" Falco offered, looking at Gabi, then nodding and pointing with his eyes. Gabi followed his line of sight to the open whiskey bottle on the counter next to the cutting board. She frowned, noting that it was significantly more empty than yesterday. Occupied with the vegetables in the frying pan, Levi didn't notice the exchange between them.

"Set the table."

Falco stepped to the cabinet where the dishes were kept, grabbed a stack, and headed into the dining room.

"Get me a chair," Levi said over his shoulder.

Gabi grabbed one of the chairs from the small kitchen table next to the window and brought it over next to the stove. Levi used the counter for balance and lowered himself into the seat with one leg. His right leg was still strong, but the left was now lame and hopeless. Standing on it for too long caused it to hurt like hell.

"Do you want me to get the wheelchair?"

"No. I just need a break."

"You keep getting better at cooking, and the added weight will make it harder on that knee," Gabi said lightheartedly, poking him in the shoulder.

"What are you trying to say?" he said, scoffing and giving the girl a warning look.

Gabi chuckled. "You're a good cook. That's all."

Onyankopon came through the door just as Levi asked Gabi to take the chicken out of the oven. After Levi checked the temperature and determined it was done, Gabi took everything into the dining room. Chicken and vegetables were the most accessible ingredients to get a hold of—there were a few small planters of vegetables hanging on the back porch railing—so Levi usually made dishes that contained some variation of those ingredients. He wasn't the only one who cooked, though. Gabi, Falco, and Onyankopon literally brought different things to the table, so when it was someone else's turn, it was a nice break from Levi's tasty but mostly uninspired cooking. Experimentation or not, Levi tended to stick to certain staples. But the kids knew he was trying.

Once they had all taken their seats around the table, Onyankopon turned to Levi. "How does your leg feel today?" he asked as he often did at dinner.

"Fine." A lie. It hurt worse today than it had in a while. Standing as long as he had in the kitchen hadn't helped.

"How's your girlfriend?" Levi lashed out defensively. As cutting as his intentions were, the deadpan delivery made it seem like he was genuinely interested. He didn't really care about Onyankopon's girlfriend. But Levi had been told many times by many people to at least feign interest in others so he would be more approachable. In Marley, he couldn't afford not to be. So the fact that Onyankopon thought he cared was fine, too.

"She's well, thanks for asking. She recently got a desk job at a rubber factory, so she's glad to have something to keep her busy during the day."

Levi hummed his acknowledgment as he picked up his glass and took a swig, savoring the burn as the liquid went down.

And… there it was. Gabi cocked her head, the hint of a glare at the edge of her eyes. When Levi's eyes met hers, the staring contest began.

"Say what you're going to say," Levi demanded, his tone flat. The girl had intuition, which, coincidentally, had only gotten keener hanging around him.

"How much of that did you drink today?" she asked, finally.

Slowly, Levi put the glass down. The staring contest continued, neither party willing to relent. Falco and Onyankopon stopped eating to observe in uncomfortable silence.

"You already know."

"I didn't measure it, but the bottle was almost full when I left yesterday."

"Why did you ask, then?"

"I want to hear it from you. Falco's the one who noticed first."

"H-hey! Don't drag me into this!" Falco cried, putting his hands in the air.

"When was the last time you drank any water?" Gabi prodded.

Levi went silent. Time stretched. A few seconds later, he took his napkin off his lap and placed it on the table.

"I'm going for a walk."

Gabi's face softened. "But, you haven't eaten…" she started, but Falco placed a hand on her shoulder, and she stopped.

"Let him go," Levi heard Falco quietly whisper.

Levi didn't care if they talked about him. He'd behaved worse, and the kids had gotten over it. They'd get over it this time, too. Levi knew where the defensiveness came from. He was old enough to make his own decisions, and if he wanted to drink a whole bottle of whiskey in a day, that was his prerogative. He didn't need anyone telling him what to do, especially someone who should have been less wise than himself. It didn't matter, anyway. It took a lot of alcohol for Levi to get drunk, as much as he wished it didn't. His superhuman abilities had left him once the Titans were defeated, and that included his ridiculously high tolerance for alcohol. That didn't mean he couldn't still put it away, though. As a young adult, Levi could down three bottles in a day and then drop double that amount in Titans afterward. He couldn't do that now, but as it stood, one bottle wasn't much. He barely even felt a buzz. However, Levi had also been drinking that bottle since ten in the morning, and it wasn't even empty yet.

He should have taken the chair. Most nights, he did. Tonight, though, Levi felt like being stubborn. He hobbled down the street with his cane, bunny hopping more and more the further from the house he got.

Two short blocks away, Levi came to a square ringed by buildings. The road circled a rectangular patch of grass containing a couple of young oak trees with a colorful bed of flowers between them. The street lights were on by now, and the square was deserted. Levi had found this to be the best time of day to enjoy the town since no one was about to give him grief.

As Levi had been walking, the pain had radiated all the way out from his knee up to his lower back and down to his ankle. Now, it was too much to bear. Levi sat on the bench in front of the barbershop and looked out at the square, remembering the day he'd helped plant those trees with Gabi and Falco. Well, he'd brought lunch and supervised. But being included in any capacity had felt nice. A few volunteers had been leery, not acknowledging his presence, much less the food he'd brought. He remembered having an okay day up to that point and tried to be amenable because being the definition of friendly was difficult for him. But those people reminding him that he was the local pariah had put him in a mood, making him grouchy for the rest of the afternoon. Gabi and Falco's company had made the day pleasant enough, though.

Balling a fist on the top of his knee, he pressed down and sucked in a breath through his teeth. The pain slowly began to subside, and he found himself lost in thought before long.

The Titans were gone, which should have meant Levi could finally relax. That was the scenario he'd envisioned when he first settled in Marley. He'd never had a permanent home his entire life, and more than anything, he'd desired a place to himself that felt safe and would always be there at the end of the day. Finding a modest house somewhere quiet had been the easy part. Leaving the past behind proved to be more difficult, the constant pain ever a sharp reminder of everything he'd experienced.

The only life he'd known was that of a visceral hell, the flames flaring in every pit merely to lick at his heels as he gracefully waltzed across each one. It was a dance he'd been doing since birth, as an unplanned baby born to a prostitute mother who could scarcely provide for him yet loved him more than her own life. She'd wanted nothing more than for him to live despite their circumstances. As a child, he'd watched that mother die and was then taken in by a man who abandoned him a short time later. A man whom he learned too late was his uncle. For the majority of his adult life, Levi lived as a member of the Scouting Legion. Here, he fought Titans while witnessing the massacre, often before his very eyes, of nearly everyone he'd ever known. The thunder spear explosion should have been the final nail, but his body and Hange had refused to give up on him. She'd been clever, lying to the Jägerists like that. Telling them Levi's insides were scrambled and that he was already dead to avoid an inevitable coup de gras. As if she'd let Levi go out like a horse with a broken leg. But Hange knew better. His heart was strong, and Hange ensured it kept on beating. He'd lost some of his good looks, but if she hadn't been so deft with the sutures…

Hange. Her face wasn't the only one that haunted his every moment, but it was the most prominent. Erwin, Mike, Moblit, Petra, Oluo, and countless others circled like a twisting kaleidoscope in the back of his brain, too. But Hange's was always at the forefront. He hadn't been able to bring himself to look at her as she left him. At the time, he hadn't wanted to remember her like that. But the thumping of her heart beneath his fist, despite knowingly facing her certain doom, was a memory that never ceased to hurt. She'd willingly accepted her duty and chosen her fate. Although he'd never said it out loud, Levi wished she would have chosen him instead. Hange had bought them mere seconds with her sacrifice. She could have stayed and escaped with him. She could, no should, be here with him now. Instead, she'd become a ghost who would always linger.

Hange deserved a better ending, but so did everyone else who had died for the Scouting Legion's cause. Levi had helped to stop the Rumbling and eliminate the Titan threat, but many days, he questioned what it had all been for. Why had they died? For what purpose? The world had turned out to be just as fucked everywhere as it had been on Paradis. Without the existence of the Titans, humanity continued to find more deadly and inventive ways to destroy itself. It was a never-ending and vicious cycle of war and destruction. He'd come to that conclusion as soon as he'd heard the reports about the takeover of the Jägerists on Paradis. But it didn't matter. None of that concerned him anymore.

As Levi's mind wandered further, he started to feel that creeping sense of complete and utter remorse he usually felt when left alone too long with his thoughts. But there was also an underlying sense of relief. The majority of his fellow soldiers never knew why they were fighting, and he wasn't sure, if they were still alive today, that they'd be too thrilled to learn the results. Even Erwin Smith, one of his closest friends, had never learned the truth, which was all he'd ever sought. It had been his sole purpose for living. Every death led one step closer to the defeat of the Titans. However, no one who'd died before reclaiming Shiganshina ever learned of the outside world or why protecting Eren Jäger even mattered. That bastard had turned around and decimated a majority of the world's population like it was all some cruel joke.

Thoughts about either Jäger brother made Levi internally squirm. But that was neither here nor there.

At the end of everything, it felt to Levi like he'd taken all the abuse and all the misery on in his friends' stead. He wasn't complaining. If he could go back, Levi wasn't sure he'd make different decisions. Would it even have mattered? He would gladly do it all again if it meant the outcome remained the same and the people he'd tried to protect were spared from suffering the ways of the world outside the walls.

Selfishly, Levi wished, as he usually did when he thought about Hange, that she was sitting next to him now, telling him everything would work out. He wished he could call her a four-eyed freak one more time. The sight or sound of a plane always reminded him of how she'd chosen to go out in a blaze of glory. It was a sacrifice for which he felt eternally indebted and that he would never be able to repay. It should have been his. But he understood duty; Levi had lived in that prison cell for years. He would have never tried to take that decision away from her.

As his thoughts began to quiet, Levi realized that he had been staring at the ground for some time. He'd definitely cooled from the spat with Gabi, but he still wasn't in great spirits. Levi had been like this for a few days now, and there was no other explanation for his mood except that his knee was slowly killing him.

Levi looked up and caught a glimpse of a familiar face at the edge of the shadows across the square. As soon as he noticed the attention on him, the man quickly disappeared into the alleyway between the café and the apartment building.

Levi let out a sigh, and his brow furrowed.

These goons had been following him around for a while now. He couldn't really remember when it had started. At first, Levi thought he was just paranoid, but then he started noticing them more often. He knew nothing about who they were or what they wanted. But they always wore the same long, dark grey trench coats with matching bowler hats and never stuck around long. Any time Levi noticed one of them in his vicinity, they would dart off before he could get a better look. If it was inconspicuousness they were after, they weren't very good at it.

Levi recognized at least four regulars; the one he saw tonight appeared to be the young man he saw most often. Levi figured either the man was new to the job or that he was just sloppy. Maybe he wanted to be seen. Either way, according to Levi's observation, this one appeared to be the youngest and the least threatening.

Whatever they wanted, it wasn't like Levi had anything to hide. There was nothing special about him other than the fact that he was an Ackerman, and even that didn't mean anything anymore. His fighting days were behind him; he physically couldn't do it. So, he had no idea what these covert G-men wanted other than to irritate the shit out of him.

It was getting late, so Levi rose as smoothly as he could using his cane and his good leg. Then, he began the slow trek home.

Author's Notes:

This story is available to read on FanFiction . net and Archive of our Own. The title of this fic, description, and my author name, DarkMuse112, is the same on both.

Thanks for reading!