Snips and Scars In Which the Twins are Employed, a harry potter fanfic

Chapter 84, everybody! Time for summer vacation!

I'm not sure when the number sixty-nine became funny, and no I don't want to know any more about it. As for the Animagi discussion, quite a bit is inspired by Saphroneth's Harry is a Dragon, and That's Okay—understand that that fic is what prodded me into writing HP fanfic in general. And yes, wizards never look up is another reference to that fic, I can't recommend it enough.

In other news, Book 6 has been fun so far because...a goodly chunk of it has already been nerfed by other events in the fic. Twins are doing good, though. The big one is in reference to Toy Story, by the way.

The Arcticourt Spellwright, thanks for the review! Yessss...

Since Harry, Ron, and Draco had no homework to speak of, Sirius had a proposition to add to general defense courses to keep them occupied: that was, learning how to be Animagi.

"That does sound cool," Ron said, nodding.

"It is cool—mostly because you can do this," Sirius said, turning into a dog and running off to the woods, coming back with a big stick.

"Granted you likely won't turn into a dog," Remus pointed out. "This is rather like a corporeal Patronus, where it differs from person to person."

"Also, Harry, I need you to be an Animagus before you get married," Sirius told him once he was back to being a person. "I need to know which puns to shoehorn in."

"Puns?" Harry echoed, feeling lost.

"Yes—when your parents got married I managed to get sixty-nine deer puns into my best man speech. Probably could have managed a few more, but the number made me giggle."

Nope, still lost. "Why is the number funny?"

"AAAAAH no," Remus said, clapping a hand over Sirius's mouth and hauling him back. "He'll tell you when you're older."

Sirius managed to get his mouth free. "You're kidding, right? He's almost sixteen!"

"And he still has his innocence let him enjoy it a bit longer."

Harry decided to translate that as raunchy and therefore something he'd rather not hear, instead opted to look at the other two boys. "What do you think?"

"Ferret," Ron said, pointing at Draco. "I'm calling it now."

"Seriously?" Draco demanded.

"Seriously. Snake is too obvious."

"So you can't exactly pick what you turn into," Harry said, pitching the question at the adults.

"No," Remus said, finally deigning to let Sirius go—mostly because he had turned back into a dog and was licking at him with vigor. "Gack—ppbth—stop that! Bad dog!"

Sirius shook himself and turned back to normal. "It'll be a normal animal—no magical creatures, sorry but you're not turning into a dragon—and it'll likely but not necessarily reflect your personality."

"So...since my Patronus is a stag, will I turn into one?" Harry asked.

"If you do I reserve the right to call you Prongslet."

"But this isn't likely," Remus said. "Besides, remember how I told you that this would be dastardly difficult?"

Which is when they went over the process with them at the kitchen table, Remus with several books spread out and open to certain pages alongside a larger sheet with a lot of writing and doodles on it.

"It took us three years to get it figured out," Sirius said. "And that was with us not knowing what we were doing. Fortunately, now we do know what we're doing—"

"Or at least can openly ask McGonagall now," Remus muttered.

"And thus we pass this knowledge to you. Also we've been brainstorming how to streamline this process, apparently there's this joint in Africa that has the most lightning strikes in the world, so that speeds up this fiddly little bit here."

"Most of these bits seem fiddly," Draco pointed out, looking the sheet over.

"There's a reason I told Sirius to wait until after your fifth year," Remus sighed.

"I'm telling you, they would have gotten O's on their Transfiguration OWLs," Sirius argued.

"As it is, we shall see."

Something else they were seeing was the Weasley twin's business, which saw them heading for Diagon Alley opening day with the rest of the Weasleys.

"Ohh what if their business doesn't do well?" Mrs. Weasley fretted as they headed down a crowded Diagon Alley. "What if it fails and they end up penniless on the streets?"

"You didn't renovate their room that fast," Ron said.

"No—just in case it falls through—"

"Molly, it's not going to fall through," Sirius assured her. "I funded it, Remus and I looked through all their products, it'll be a sound joke shop that gives Zonko's a run for its money."

"Dumbledore and Flitwick were impressed with their stuff too, so there's that," Harry pointed out. "And Luna's dad has been advertising it in the Quibbler."

"So they should have a decent first day—" Remus started—

Cut off along with the rest of them when they realized that the reason the alley was so congested was because everyone was trying to get into Weasley Wizard Wheezes.

"Nice," Harry cheered once he and Ron had climbed onto a lamppost to see.

"Wicked," Ron agreed. "Mom—Mom—good news, Fred and George aren't going to be destitute."

"Can't guarantee Donald, Edmund, or Hubert though," Ginny said.

It took the better part of an hour to get into the store proper, and probably would have taken longer had Fred not spotted them and waved them in.

"Sorry—sorry gents, mothers take priority, you know this—what do you think?" he asked, grinning madly once they were in. "We might actually have to close up early today, people are eating through our stock and we've been having to take back orders as long as we are tall."

"I'm—honestly I'm speechless," Mrs. Weasley said, having to hold onto the stair railing for support. "Why weren't your OWLs higher?"

"That's what Flitwick asked us," George said, sliding down a banister with several boxes balanced in his arms. "Donald, levitate this over there, will you?"

Fred flicked his wand and sent the boxes flying and unpacking themselves. "Also Mum you might want to convert our room—we were staying here to get everything prepped but at this point we might have to be staying here full-time."

"We definitely have more room to explode things."

"This is some excellent magic, boys!" Mr. Weasley said, testing a chroma cap with glee before moving on to the next thing. "Defense hats?"

"Trick a mate into trying to hex you, it'll just bounce right off," Fred explained. "Also we expect the skiving snackboxes to move like lightning closer to start of term so for now they just have this space here—"

Harry had been watching the surging crowd with glee, having joined the rest of the Weasleys (and Sirius and Remus) on the stairs in an attempt to evade most of the press—angled and looked when he heard Percy going "excuse me excuse me coming through minister here—"

"Perce!" George exclaimed, arms spread as a frazzled Percy finally made his way onto the stairs. "How've you been? Managed to get away from your busy job to ours?"

"You two," Percy said, jabbing a finger at Fred and George. "The obliviators have been going nonstop sine nine this morning—did neither of you think of what those—those wildfire whiz-bangs would do to the Statute of Secrecy!?"

"We put big warning labels on them, I'm not sure what else to tell you," Fred offered.

Percy sighed, sagging. "When do you get off, I'll come over and help you figure it out then."

"Oh Edmund it's the big one," Fred said, staggering as he clutched his chest.

"Why did it take you getting into politics before you got into pranking?" George demanded.

"Apparently there's crossover," Percy muttered.

Harry and Ron decided to absent themselves after a while, especially when Luna showed up for the Quibbler interview and had some polite but airily eccentric words with the Prophet reporter who wanted to interview Percy as well.

"So I think that's going well," Harry told Ron as Snips finally tugged his claws out of his ears.

"It's going insane," Ron said, looking back the way they had come. "I figured it'd do okay because Fred and George makes good stuff but wow."

"Yeah, that's—what is it?" Harry asked when Snips pointed—looked to where he indicated to see Draco loitering near the entrance to Knockturn Alley like he was working up the nerve to go in.

"What is he doing there?" Ron asked.

"I don't know—come on," Harry said, jogging over—caught Draco's attention with a hsst when they were close enough, ignored him when he tried to wave him off.

"Do you mind?" Draco demanded.

"We do," Harry said. "What is this?"

Draco gestured impatiently at Gringotts. "Mother's in there discussing our finances, I asked if I couldn't go to Flourish and Blott's instead, she goes fine—I come out here, had to stare at the crowd outside of Weasley Wizard Wheezes—"

"We were in it, it's impressive," Ron confirmed.

"And while I'm trying to see a way through I spot father ducking into Knockturn Alley with Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle."

Harry blinked in surprise at that, mostly because he didn't think three identified Death Eaters would be allowed to walk Diagon Alley so freely. "How were they not busted?"

"They're in disguise, but I recognize father's walk," Draco said, glowering at the cobblestones.

"Okay next question is what are they doing in there," Ron said, peering down Knockturn Alley.

"I already know what they're doing—they're heading to Borgin and Burke's," Draco said. "Father has a line of credit there, he might be trying to cash in."

"So then the next question is how do we get in to confirm."

"That's the part that's been tripping me up."

"I bet—your hair would be as distinctive as mine down there. Chroma caps, maybe?" Ron said, looking at Harry. "Think Fred and George would loan us some or would they make us buy it?"

"Hold it," Harry said, backing up against the wall and checking to make sure they weren't being observed before tugging out the invisibility cloak. "We might have issues with it showing our feet, but—"

"Borf!"

They looked up as Sirius—in dog form—squeezed out of the last of the crowd and bounded over to them, shaking a little to shed some loose fur—

Spotted the invisibility cloak and cocked his head at Harry.

"Draco saw Mr. Malfoy go down Knockturn Alley," Harry supplied, the others helping to fill in. Sirius sat, head tipped the other way as he contemplated this—

Directed a short borf at Snips before bounding away—Snips chittered something that sounded fairly scolding at Harry before following.

"So what was that about, I wonder," Ron said.

Harry shrugged, pulled the cloak out the rest of the way. "He didn't say no."

Snips was fuming at the concept of going and investigating the issue.

'You KNOW those three won't stay there,' he railed at Sirius as the dog found his way up fire escapes and balconies to the roof line. 'They'll throw that invisibility cloak on and go snooping about themselves.'

'Probably should have sent them back to Remus,' Sirius confirmed. 'But they have the invisibility cloak and plenty of training—plus us if things go south.'

'Oh you're really going to be of help here.'

'Of course!' Sirius said, wagging his tail as he leaped across a narrow space. 'Wizards never look up.'

They might this time, if only because of Snips' aggrieved snarl at Sirius' idiocy—flew after him, lighting down on the peak of a roof the dog was mincing up, peered down through the grimy glass panes in the ceiling of Borgis and Burke's, eyes narrowing as he recognized the platinum blonde hair of Lucius Malfoy.

'Pity we don't have an extendable ear,' Sirius muttered.

Oi vey. 'Wait here,' he ordered, carefully flitting down. Might have seen a spot where he could properly eavesdrop, carefully slink his way over and pressed an ear slit against a crack—

Was flitting back to Sirius fairly quickly, the both of them ducking behind the peak of the roof.

'That big black cabinet in there—it's a vanishing cabinet, they think its mate is at Hogwarts!'

Sirius' ears perked up at that. 'Could they use it to sneak into Hogwarts?'

'That seems to be the assumption they're operating on.'

Sirius assumed a pensive position that wasn't particularly natural for a dog. 'We have to stop this—hold on I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going!?' Snips demanded as Sirius ran back over the roofs back to Diagon Alley. Well, here was hoping he was getting reinforcements or Aurors or something—peek back over the roof, scurry over to the street-facing edge and start scanning for any disturbances or glimpses of feet that suggested there was a trio of dunderheads looking to cause trouble. Occasionally he'd glance to make sure the Death Eaters were still in Borgin and Burke's, but for the most part he was preoccupied with Harry going and getting himself in trouble again because he just knew that Harry wouldn't do the sensible thing and stay put.

Looked up sharply at the sound of roof shingles clattering to see Sirius come galumphing back with a massive firework in his mouth. 'Are you for real right now?' he demanded.

Sirius bobbed his head, belly-crawled up the last peak, pawed at the firework labeled the big one until it was between his front paws, finally let go. 'Blaah—help me aim this, will you?'

'Help you—you turn into a human you have thumbs.'

'Yes but no one will ever believe a dog blew up a building.'

'Aren't you a registered Animagus now?'

'Also a dog's a smaller target.'

'I'll buy that one,' Snips sighed, moved to help him aim the firework. 'Which now leaves the issue of how you intend to set this off without turning back to a human.'

'Brilliant thing about this particular line of the twins' fireworks: water sets it off.' Slobber all over the fuse, to Snips' disgust—

Leaped back along with Sirius when the fuse started sparking—scrambled to look when it startled rattling down the roof—

It went off, caught the lip of the gutter and launched over and into the chimney of Borgin and Bourke's, succeeding in sending fireworks both up the chimney and high into the air and down the chimney, much to the alarm of the Death Eaters now caught in a thick cloud of sparks.

'Oh I'm going to have to compliment the boys on this one,' Sirius said, tail wagging and tongue lolling out as he grinned. 'Also doubles as a nice flare for the Aurors to follow, don't you think?'

'So there was more to this than just pranking three Death Eaters?' Snips had to ask.

'Honestly the pranking was a bonus.' Jolted to attention as Lucius managed to escape from the building—

Both of them looked sharp when the man went down to a full-body bind, Snips just barely spotting a trio of wands poking out from under an invisibility cloak and trained on the door.

'Of course those dunderheads would do this,' Snips groaned, tugging at his lower eyelids.

'Hey at least they're using the rubbish bin as a shield,' Sirius pointed out. Barked as the other two Death Eaters and the proprietor went down as well. 'Good boys! Now get out of here before you're caught!'

'The same goes for you!' Snips barked, snapping his tail at the dog before diving into the alley, twisting and following the last wand tip right as it slipped under the cloak.

"OW! Hi Snips," Harry said, doing his best to shield himself from Snips' fury.

'Don't you 'hi' me you IDIOT boys get out of this alley before you're caught,' Snips spat, hopping up and down and pointing back up the alley. At the very least, they hastened to obey, plastering themselves against the wall so they didn't get run over by the gaggle of Aurors stampeding the other way.

Fortunately they didn't take the invisibility cloak off until after they were starting up the back steps to Weasley Wizard Wheezes, where most of the Weasley family was perched and watching the fireworks go off.

"So we were wondering why Sirius wanted the big one," Fred said when Sirius bounded up, barking.

"We just want to say we appreciate having more advertising," George said, ruffling some of Sirius' fur.

"The obliviators are going to have my head for this," Percy sighed.

As Percy predicted, the obliviators weren't happy, although the Aurors were quite pleased to have several Death Eaters captured.

Harry, meantime, had noticed that Draco had absented himself—asking Snips had the little familiar pointing up at the balcony again, sending him upstairs to check on the other teen.

"You okay?" Harry asked, easing against the railing next to him.

"No," Draco said, glaring at nothing. "I'm—how do you even address this sort of thing? I was crucial in the capture of my own father—he was going to break into Hogwarts and that'd be awful, but..." Thump a fist on the railing and look away.

"It's not really something that untangles easily," Harry agreed. "Because that's your family, and those were family friends you grew up with. No one wants to have to make those decisions. No one wants to be in those situations."

"You're not going to try to cheer me up, are you? Because I'm not in the mood."

"No," Harry said, looking out across the Alley. "But I'll stay here if you want, so you're not out here brooding by yourself."

"I'm not brooding," Draco muttered halfheartedly. Didn't tell Harry to leave though, and they stood there staring out across the sea of wizards until they were gathered up to go home.

Draco spent many a day with only Buckbeak for company, but eventually he came back from wherever he had gone mentally, announcing that he was at least in the neighborhood of better.

And, at Harry's suggestion, reaching out to Vincent and Gregory that night, since he wasn't the only one with a jailbound father.

"I hate this," Harry told Snips as they watched Jove fly away. "Voldy is just—screwing families up, making people pick sides, and...how do you come back from this? When everything's said and done and the dust settles, how do you pick up the pieces?"

Snips' response was to pat Harry's jaw, leaving him to nod and stare out into the night. Someday, hopefully, he'd understand all this better. Maybe someday it'd all make sense.

But in the meantime, he was left with the certainty that there'd be more shattered families before it was all over.