Dust swirled around the workers, all dressed lightly in the dry heat with sweat rolling down their faces. The older men preformed the more skilled tasks, like running wiring for the building, while the younger faces did the carrying, lifting and heavy work.
With one exception, Buffy noticed. Xander was one of the younger faces, but it was clear that he oversaw at least part of the operation. Older men looked to him for direction or asked him for assistance. She had known that he had achieved a position of responsibility, but the extent of it was surprising.
A cry of "Time!" sounded across the jobsite. The men started finishing immediate tasks and putting away tools. Xander dropped his load with a gusty, relieved sigh. He flexed his shoulders and grimaced at the ache that would take hours to completely go away. One of the other men walked up and deliberately slapped him on the shoulder, a common form of low humor here, and said, "You want to hit Hanna's with us?" Hanna's was the bar the other younger men liked. He would occasionally join them when Anya and he had nothing to do.
Xander shoved him playfully and said, "No woes to drown and no reason to chase women, so why would I want to frequent them low joints?" He ignored the rest of the catcalls and walked away casually flipping them off over his shoulder.
"Hey, working man!" a familiar voice called. He smiled, seeing Willow and Buffy sitting on a shading her eyes against the sun while Buffy relied on her sunglasses and fanned herself idly with her hand. Xander started walking toward them.
"Wow." Buffy said, "Behold the manliness." Xander grinned and flexed as the women rolled their eyes. He was aware that his muscles were pumped from exertion, and he probably was as manly looking as he ever got.
"You know it, baby." Xander replied. "Men fear me, women want me. It's enough to bring you back to our team, right Will? You know it is."
"Almost," Willow said, wrinkling her nose, "You smell."
"I also see, hear, taste and touch." Xander said.
"Enough." Buffy said, standing suit. "We're on a mission. First, let's get you home, manly man, and let you wash some of that manliness off."
"Not enough water in Sunnydale." Xander quipped. "I ooze machismo."
"You're certainly oozing." Willow said. "But not machismo, just sweat. And smell." The three of them started walking. The site was fortunately within walking distance of his and Anya's apartment.
"What sort of mission are we on?" Xander said. He tried to put his arms around the two girls, but they dodged away from him with twin high-pitched squeals of alarm.
"Eeewww… stinky. We are here under orders." Willow said. "Anya wants us to pick out some nice clothes for the wedding stuff and a suit for work. Since when do you need a suit for work?"
"I have to start going to client meetings, thus grown-up clothes are required.
"No one cares," Buffy said breezily. "Shower, shopping, and then you're buying us dinner for being so nice."
"I am?" Both women nodded. "OK."
They stopped by Xander's apartment and found a note from Anya that she was stuck at the shop and that Dawn would be by after some school thing to join them for dinner. After he cleaned up and clothes were duly attained, they returned to pick up Dawn. She had recently been given a key to Xander and Anya's apartment. She was there so much, it just made sense. She walked in, completely at home, and dropped her backpack by the door. After flipping idly through the TV channels, and finding nothing, she noticed a Cosmo on the coffee table. She noticed that one page was marked with a post-it note. Idly curious, she picked it up and read. The marked page a list of "20 things to drive your man wild!" . It read One section was underlined, "NUMBER 15: Dress young. Guys love naughty schoolgirls, so be one! Get out the plaid skirt, white shirt and Mary Janes and do it up right. Put your hair in pigtails and act oh, so innocent." When he was replaced by her latest celebrity crush and things went better. "Oh my God…" Dawn muttered. Did men really think about young girls that way. For a moment, a sexual image of Xander ran through her mind and she shuddered. Bad image. When he was replaced by her latest celebrity crush, things went better. Dawn felt a warmth and tingle in her stomach and between her legs. Without a single conscious thought, the hand that wasn't holding the magazine moved to her pubic mound, over her jeans, and her fingers gently moved.
As Xander led the way up the stairs to his apartment, he was surprised to see that the door was unlocked. He was alarmed for a moment but remembered Dawn had a key now and was likely inside waiting for them. He went in, starting to call for her but froze when he saw what she was doing. He involuntarily cried "Dawn!"
Dawn started so violently the magazine went flying. Without a word but with a despairing wail, she ran out of the door, shouldering Willow out of the way. A second, later, Xander followed her.
There was a moment's silence. "What the hell was that?" Buffy asked.
"Don't know." Willow said.
Buffy quickly caught up to Dawn, who was in the park, sitting behind a tree and looking miserable. "Dawn," Buffy said gently, "What happened? Did Xander do something?"
"No. You know he would never be mean to me." Buffy sat down next to Dawn and put her arm around her.
"I know, but he might say something meaning to be funny and it hurt your feelings. It's happened to me." Dawn was stiff under her arm, not relaxing or accepting the contact.
Dawn took a deep breath and swiped at her eyes, "Just leave me alone for a while, OK? I'll talk to you later, just leave me alone!"
"All right, I'll just go…"
"And don't ask Xander, Ok? Promise?"
"I won't." Buffy said, her worry clear.
A few minutes after Buffy left, Dawn saw Xander approaching. She sat with her back to a tree, her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around them. She hid her face in the crook of her elbow. "Just go away," she said miserably.
"No." Xander said gently. "I have something to say first."
"Oh, God!" Dawn said, "I don't want to hear it!"
"I just wanted to say you shouldn't be embarrassed… even though I know you are." She looked up at him. "Because there's nothing wrong with that."
"Please!" Dawn said, "That's what everyone says, but then you see jokes about it on TV and movies and stuff. If it shouldn't be embarrassing, why do they do that?"
Xander nodded slowly and sat down. He was sorely tempted to tell her it was a "you'll understand when you grow up" kind of thing, but he reconsidered. It struck him very strongly that with Giles gone, he was as close to a male role model as she had. Well, he and Spike. Ugly thought, that.
"OK, Dawn, you sure you want to hear this?" Xander finally said. Something in his voice made Dawn pay full attention. It seemed to her that his voice had deepened and lost the self-mocking tone he used so often. She nodded for him to go on. "The reason for that humor is that if a person is masturbating…" Dawn buried her face in her arms. "Dawn, you may as well look at me. I'm going to tell you the adult truth, so I expect you to take it like an adult."
Dawn looked up in surprise. She had never heard Xander speak to her like that. He was her immature buddy, the one who cajoled rather than demanded. "OK," she said, consciously sitting straighter and looking at him.
"People think that's funny because if you're doing that it's because you can't find a partner so there must be something wrong with you. With me so far?" Dawn nodded. "If a person who is physically sexually mature is without a partner, they're probably going to masturbate. There are a lot of reasons to be without a partner. Yours is the best. You're not emotionally ready for sex."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "I know that! I've had it beaten into my head by just about everyone."
"That's because it's true. It's simple. Don't do it in public and don't let it interfere with other activities. Remember that it's no one else's damn business how often you do it or anything else about it."
Dawn thought for a moment, and then said, "Can I ask you a question?"
Xander grinned a little ruefully. He had been expecting this. "Shoot. I reserve the right to refuse to answer."
"How old were you the first time you were with someone?"
"Eighteen."
"Was it Cordelia?"
"No."
Dawn nodded for a moment. "Why not?"
"We weren't ready."
"Who was it?"
Xander took a deep breath. "Faith" At her surprised expression he shrugged. "Shouldn't have happened. It's hard to explain."
"You said you were going to tell me the truth." Dawn objected.
"I am. The truth is that it's hard to explain." Xander thought carefully about what to say next. "Faith had a lot of problems. Her sexuality was one of them. She took advantage of me, and I wasn't smart enough to see it."
"That's awful. That was your first?"
Xander grinned ruefully. "It was. Learn from my mistakes and be careful about who you lose your virginity with."
Dawn hesitated and he could see a blush rising. "Well," she said, almost stammering, "I was reading something in Anya's Cosmo…"
"They should sell that magazine in a plain brown wrapper." Xander commented.
Dawn laughed a little, nervously, "Yeah, I guess, but there was this article about what men liked, and it said something about how women should dress up like young girls and stuff, and Anya had marked it with a smiley face."
Xander interrupted her, "Like it was something she wanted to try."
"Well, yeah."
"I guess a lot of men do like that. Not my thing."
"What is?" she asked mischievously.
Xander grinned. She was calming down. "My thing is… none of your business.
Dawn nodded. "I think I've had all the grown up talking I can stand. You know what's funny? This 'adult' talk about sex just makes things less sexy."
"That's true." Dawn stood up and leaned over to Xander and hugged him.
"Thanks, Xander," she said a bit wistfully. "You won't tell anyone, right?"
"Not a soul."
He waved bye to her as she walked off. He waited a moment and said, "Coming out?"
"How long did you know?" Buffy said, stepping out of hiding in the foliage.
"The whole time, little Ms. Nosey-britches. Believe it or not, I could smell your perfume."
"Is that your thing?" Buffy said, sitting next to him.
"Nope," Xander chuckled. "I'm a boob man."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I guess that leaves me out."
"Don't get down on yourself, little trooper. They have operations now."
She slapped his arm. "Caught you looking at them enough." Xander noticed she was looking a little wistful. He put his arm around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder.
"They're very nice, just not all that big. Big is overrated." Buffy smiled and gave him an obligatory slap on the arm. "What's the matter?"
"I'm just feeling insecure. Dawn absolutely would not let me help her. I'm glad you were here. She needed somebody."
"Of course she didn't want to tell you, you eavesdropper. She was embarrassed. The only reason she didn't run me off was because I already knew. No big."
"You did good."
He turned to look at her, "Did I? I was afraid I was going too far."
"Nope. When did you get all grown up?"
He looked at his watch. "43 minutes ago. I suddenly felt this change."
"What was going on exactly?"
"I promised I wouldn't tell."
Buffy cocked her head to one side a quirked a grin. "Xander," she said, "I heard the conversation. I can make a pretty good guess."
"Yes, you did, and yes, you can," he replied, "and I didn't tell, just like I promised." She laughed and nodded. They sat side by side in companionable silence for a while. Xander felt the slight arousal that was inevitable from having a woman in such proximity. He could still smell her perfume… or was it something in her hair? It was a spicy, floral scent.
Buffy leaned against his tall frame, surprised at how solid his work had made him. His hand where it rested on her shoulder was rough and hard and gentle all at once. He smelled of soap and a tiny bit of sweat and something she couldn't identify. A dry, woody smell… Sawdust, she realized. Of course he would smell of wood. The way he had talked to Dawn ran through her mind. He had been so calm and confident. He had acted like a man, and Dawn had reacted to him as if he were one. To her surprise, so was she. With a tiny shudder, she leaned into him and thought about how long it had been since she had felt a warm, gentle hand.
Xander felt her slight movement, and his breath caught in fear. Fear that she was getting up, fear that she wasn't, and fear that she didn't know what this was doing to him. Slowly, he lowered his face until he felt her hair touch his cheek, and he inhaled her clean scent.
Buffy felt him brush his face against her hair and heard him inhale. He was smelling her hair. The eroticism made her want to whimper, but she fought down the urge. This moment was so very fragile; she feared the slightest sound would break it. She allowed him a time to do as he wished, and then she began turning her head to face him. Not quickly, she gave him time to pull away.
Xander watched Buffy as she turned and looked up at him. Her eyes were wide. Her tongue wet her lips. Fleetingly he thought of Anya, and that this was so very wrong but still he reached across their bodies and found to his surprise that Buffy's hand met and entwined fingers with held his hand, clinging to him. She met his eyes, fearing that her need must be clearly visible, but she found that she did not care. His fingers slid into her hair. Feeling that she was daring greatly, Buffy whispered, "Is that your 'thing' Xander? Hair?"
"No," He whispered. Xander leaned closer, giving in to his immediate desire, damning the future and forgetting it. The slayer was clearly the stronger of the two, but Xander was easily capable of picking up the slight girl. He did, lifting her on top of him so that she straddled his lap. Buffy made a little surprised sound and was aroused further by the ease with which he held her weight and moved her atop him. She leaned forward, her forehead touching his, her hands caressing his shoulders. Xander's hands moved up and down her back, feeling the play of hard muscle and returned her gaze. Leaning forward, he stroked his cheek against hers, reveling in its softness. She lowered her face to meet him, reveling in the rough stubble against her face.
They kissed. It was hormones and it was heaven. He forgot that he was engaged, and jobs and bills, old hurts and disappointments. In that moment, Xander Harris kissed the golden princess of his youth, his prom queen and puerile fantasy.
Buffy forgot loneliness and darkness, and cold, hard hands and violence. For that moment she was a man's fragile treasure, spun glass in soft tints. It had been so long, and she did not want to stop. They parted, resting their foreheads against each other, and neither spoke. For a time that seemed long, they stopped and did not move, holding on to each other.
They kissed again, lingering in the moment. Finally, Buffy stood and held out her hand. "Come on. Let's take a walk." She pulled him to his feet, and he did not let go of her hand. They walked through the park, not speaking, meandering gently towards the destination they both knew but did not name.
"I don't…" Xander said as they turned the corner onto Ravello Drive, but Buffy silenced him by squeezing his hand gently and shaking her head no. With a soft smile, Xander nodded.
They entered the empty house and did not speak once as they walked to her bed.
Buffy turned to him when the door was closed and said, "I need…" He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her. He thought she was going to say more, but she repeated herself. "I need."
Xander met her eyes. An upsurge of emotion, his uncertainty about Anya, his long-held desire for this woman, his eternal need for reassurance, all welled up in him at once, and he crossed the space between them.
The night passed in a blur of heat and ecstasy. There were times they were awkward and times they laughed. Xander got the reassurance and fantasy he craved and Buffy the warmth and compassion she needed. For a night they worked.
They woke the next morning at almost the same time; because Xander tried to slip out of her bed and not wake her, but he managed to stub a toe, producing a loud, involuntary grunt. Buffy said something that sounded like "ormph uk ok?"
He was already lying back down. "Yeah, fine." He muttered. "Stubbed my toe."
"Poor toe," she said, stretching. She made room and he lay back down. "Morning," she said sleepily. They moved till they were lying on their sides, facing each other and both smiled.
"Morning," Xander said. His voice was soft, and a little surprised sounding.
Buffy was surprised at how she felt; not worried or upset or regretful. She felt the same about him as she had the day before. They were friends and this wasn't changing anything. It was comfortable in a strange way.
"We probably won't ever do this again," she said, not worried about his answer.
"I know," he said with a smile. "That's ok."