:INTERLUDE 2:
Dick glared angrily at his old costume, taking delight as he watched the flames burn it to ash, even as a hint of sadness ran through him at the thought of destroying something that had brought him such joy in years past. But after what Bruce had done to him during the battle with Trigon, Dick had nothing more to do with the old bastard. It had been two weeks since that battle, and Dick couldn't help but be grateful for the healing power of magic; his injuries had been quite severe, and were it not for Raven's Aunt Andromeda, Dick would most likely be on bed rest for the next several months.
Dick's eyes narrowed as the costume began to melt away, his thoughts on the argument that he and Bruce had, which caused Dick to throw away the costume in the first place.
:Flashback:
"You had no right to take me out of the fight!" Dick snarled as he tried to rush at Batman, only to be held back by Cyborg and Jinx, "Harry could have died!"
"I saved your life," Batman growled back, "You could barely move, and Trigon was beating us effortlessly. If I had let you fight, you wouldn't be here."
"You don't know that!" Dick snapped, "You're not God! No matter how much you like to act like him!"
"Dude, chill!" Cyborg called out as he tried to hold Dick back, "You're gonna reinjure your body, and I just got this arm reattached!"
"He's right, Robin," Batman stated, "Stand down."
"Fuck you!" Dick shouted back, "And fuck Robin, too! I'm done with it! I thought you would change when I first left Gotham for Jump City! That you would stop being such a self-righteous ass! I should have known better."
Batman's eyes narrowed at Dick's rant while Cyborg and Jinx were looking at Dick in surprise.
"That's enough, Robin!" Batman snapped, his patience coming loose for a moment,
"I'm not Robin!" Dick spat, "Not anymore! I cut my last tie to you!"
Taking a calming breath, Dick finally shook off Cyborg and Jinx and leveled a hateful glare on the silent Bat before ripping the large R off of his chest and throwing it at Batman's feet.
"You should have that back so you can give it to the next Robin. Since you seem to replace us so fast, after all. I wasn't even gone a month when you replaced me with Jason, and how long after Jason died did you replace him with Tim?"
Batman's eyes widened for a moment as a look of outrage came across his face; his fists tightened until the leather of his gloves groaned in protest, and even Cyborg and Jinx looked at Dick like he'd gone too far.
"And now I hear you got a new kid hanging around the cave," Dick sneered, "A gift from Talia Al Ghul. Are you planning on making him another disposable alley that you'll replace as soon as they fall?"
Batman was across the room before anyone knew that he had moved, and Dick was pinned against the wall with Batman's forearm across his throat, and his other arm pulled back to deliver a devastating punch. Just as Batman was about to break Dick's jaw, most likely, he seemed to come back to himself and instantly released his hold on his former partner, taking a step back and bringing his arms into his cape, watching as Dick rubbed his throat.
"Get out," Dick growled, "And don't come back."
"The Justice League will be sending someone to keep an eye on the Titans from now on," Batman said softly as he turned to leave.
"As long as it's not you, I don't care," Dick said at once; Batman's face softened for a moment, and he looked like he wanted to say something. But just as soon as the look appeared, it was gone, and Batman nodded once before leaving the room.
Once he was gone, Cyborg and Jinx both turned to Dick with looks of worry on their faces,
"I'm alright," Dick said as he continued to rub his throat,
"So, what do we call you now?" Jinx asked with a raised brow, "Since you're not Robin anymore?"
Dick was silent in thought for a moment before a name popped into his head; slowly, a smirk grew across his face as he faced his friends.
"Call me… Nightwing."
:End Flashback:
He would need to create a new uniform, Robin thought as he watched the flames grow higher as they ate through the red and black costume. Exhausted as he was, Dick was determined to stand and watch until the Robin costume completely burned away; as the flames continued to grow, Dick felt almost cathartic, as if a weight were being pulled from his shoulder. For the first time in years, Dick smiled in genuine pleasure.
XXXX
In a warehouse in the docks of Gotham, a large brown top hat suddenly appeared out of nowhere; a moment later, two boys came shooting out of the hat, laughing uncontrollably as they hit the floor on their backs.
"I'll never get used to how much fun that is!" Harry laughed as he and Lunatic got up from the floor, "Like that world's greatest roller coaster!"
"Indeed!" Lunatic said happily, "Much better than any other form of travel!"
"Where did you bring us, anyway?" Harry asked as he took in his surroundings; they appeared to be in a dirty building that was in desperate need of being torn down before it fell down.
"Why to Gotham, of course!" Lunatic said jovially as he picked up his from the floor, dusted it off, and placed it back on his head, "Specifically, the bad part, Gotham Docks!"
"Gotham!" Harry cried, "Why the hell did you bring us here?"
"You'll see in a moment!" Lunatic cried happily before moving toward a large brown box that was resting nearby, "But first, we must make ready for our guests!"
"Guests?" Harry asked, watching with confusion as Lunatic pulled a large video camera, stood from the box, set it up by the nearby railing, and angled it so that it was pointed down at the ground floor beneath them.
"Indeed, very special guests who will be here soon for some rather nefarious interaction! I just learned about it this morning; through this pinata, I was beating. Or was that talking donkey really a person?" Lunatic paused at this, and a thoughtful look came across his face before he shook his head and continued messing with the video camera, "Either way, I was beating this pinata, trying to get some candy, and it told me about a meeting between Lex Luthor and Ras Al Ghul, here tonight!"
All the color seemed to drain from Harry's face as he took in the words, and for a moment, he was rendered speechless until, at last, Harry found his voice,
"Loony, please tell me that you're joking…."
"Nope," Lunatic replied, popping the P with a smile as he finished setting up and turned back to Harry.
"I really should have told you to bring your 'other' set of clothes," Lunatic said, remembering that Harry was not in his Arcane uniform.
"Not a problem," Harry replied, extending his tentacles and wrapping them around him so that he was dressed as Arcane a moment later. Lunatic's eyes widened at this before a look of pure delight came across his face.
"You can shapeshift now, Harry?! How delightful! Oh, those things we can do now! The mischief! The free Spice Girls tickets!"
Harry couldn't help but laugh at Lunatic's antics as the boy bounced around Harry like a child on a perpetual sugar rush.
"We can talk about that later! Harry laughed as he pulled his hood down, "We should call the Justice League! Luthor and the League of Assassins are too much for just the two of us!"
"Oh, don't be such a wimp!" Lunatic replied; before Harry could respond, the doors to the warehouse suddenly groaned open, causing Harry to pull his hood back up as the two of them backed into the shadows and out of sight.
As Harry watched with bated breath, more than two dozen Assassins swarmed into the warehouse and took defensive positions; each was clad in black tactical armor, complete with a mask, that covered their faces and carried a sword on their back and an Uzi in their hands.
A moment later, four more people entered the warehouse; the first one was a woman wearing a dark green kimono, from which two Sai protruded, but the oddest thing was the smiling cat mask the woman wore, behind which a head of bushy hair could be seen. The second was an incredibly beautiful woman with straight black hair that hung softly to her shoulders; she was wearing a tight black leather outfit and had a katana strung across her back. The third person was a large bald man wearing a sleeveless Asian-style black shirt and matching pants; like the woman, the man also had a sword on his back, but this one looked Arabian. The final person was an older man with graying black hair and a hard face, who was wearing a jade-green cloak; the man quickly took a disgusted look around the warehouse before taking his place at the opposite side of the warehouse and turning to face the entrance, with his three companions standing a respectable distance behind him.
Ten minutes after that, a white limousine entered the warehouse, and two people stepped out; one was a tall white female with long blonde hair and wearing a black business suit and matching skirt. The other person was a tall, white, bald male wearing an expensive-looking black suit over a white shirt with a blood-red tie.
As the two men approached each other, Harry looked over to see Lunatic smiling in absolute glee, and Harry couldn't help but wonder what his friend had planned. Moving slowly, Lunatic approached the camera and pressed a button on the side, turning it on; after pressing another button and beginning the recording, Lunatic made his way back to Harry's side in the shadows and whispered,
"Almost show time!"
Harry just gave his friend a look before turning his attention back to the two supervillains who had just finished complaining about the unsanitary conditions of their meeting place.
"It's a simple business transaction," Luthor drawled, "I need more kryptonite to finish building my weapon, and you need the formula currently being held securely in my lab."
"And why should I not just kill you now and take what I wish?" Ras Al Ghul asked with a sneer. At the man's question, the blonde at Luthor's side raised her arm and pointed it at the old man. A second later, her arm turned into a cannon and powered on as the Assassins all drew their swords as one and prepared to attack.
"Let's all just take a breath," Luthor said calmly, raising his hands for everyone to lower their weapons; after another few tense moments, Ras nodded his head, and the Assassins all sheathed their swords as the blonde lowered her arm.
"Showtime!" Lunatic whispered happily as light suddenly flooded the warehouse, making the villains all jump with surprise before drawing their weapons; a moment later, music began to fill the warehouse, and Harry watched in wide-eyed shock as the Assassins' outfits changed into the tight green outfits from 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights.' A moment later, Harry felt his jaw drop as the three women's outfits all transformed into 'Maid Merion,' while Ras, Luthor, and Ras' bald companion all transformed into the same green tights as the other Assassins.
"Oh God, Loony, what have you done…?" Harry whispered in horror, torn between laughing in hilarity and crying in horror.
"Just wait!" Lunatic said as he chuckled, "It's about to get better!"
True to his word, it did get better a moment later when Ras, Luthor, the bald man, began to sing along to the music.
"We're Men! We're Men in Tights! We roam around the forest looking for fights!"
Ras, Luthor, and the bald man started doing the cliched manly 'walk to the left and right' dance before looking at each other and raising their fists, except for a single Assassin between Ras and Luthor, who took a wild swing, causing Luthor to duck.
"We're Men! We're Men in Tights! We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!"
The 'troupe' raised their right arms, curved at the elbow, and with their index fingers raised.
"We may look like sissies, but watch what you say, or else we'll put out your lights! We're Men! We're Men in Tights! Always on guard defending the people's rights!"
Ras leaned against Luthor back-to-back, each with their arms crossed, while the bald man did the same with another Assassin before they pointed out toward the Warehouse opening and threw their fists into the air. However, one of the assassins punched Ras in the head (a look of horror on his face). The 'troupe' then suddenly stood in line and started doing the can-can, which lasted for several seconds.
"We're Men! Manly Men! Yessss!"
The 'troupe' returned to their original formations on a single knee and flexed their arms before standing back up; throughout all this, Lunatic was giggling like mad while Harry watched in horror, though that was quickly giving way to hilarity.
"We roam around the forest looking for fights! We're Men! We're Men in Tights! We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right! We may look like pansies, but don't give us lip, or else we'll put out your lights! We're Men! We're men in Tights! TIGHT TIGHTS!"
At this part, all the men grabbed their pants and pulled up, making their voices rise in pitch so they sounded like they were on helium.
"Always on guard, defending the people's rights! When you're in a fix, just call for the Men in Tights! We're butch!"
The three women ended up doing a twirl and dip, ending the musical number on their butts and staring up at Ras and Luthor adoringly, while Ras, Luthor, and the bald man were frozen in place, flexing their arms in a macho/butch pose.
This final part proved too much for Harry, and his will finally broke as he began to laugh uncontrollably, holding onto the wall with his hand to keep from collapsing; beside him, Lunatic was lying on the floor against the wall and laughing hysterically.
After several moments of silence, everyone below changed back into their original clothes and regained control of themselves; immediately, the Assassins fanned out into the warehouse as the bald man snarled in anger and outrage,
"Who is responsible for this humiliation!? Find them! I will kill them with my bare hands!"
Wiping his eyes, Lunatic rose to his feet and turned off the video camera before pulling a small SD card from it and stowing it in his coat.
"My bet would be on the two children currently laughing on the second floor above us," Chesire said, making Harry stop laughing immediately as every eye suddenly turned towards him and Lunatic.
"Bring them to me!" The bald man snarled at once, "I will see them dead for this! Children or no!"
"Loony, move!" Harry yelled, jumping over the railing as an Assassin appeared out of nowhere and swung his sword at where Harry had just been; needing no further warning, Lunatic dove over the railing, spinning head over foot and laughing uncontrollably as he fell.
Harry landed 'hero-style' on one knee, with one hand touching the ground with his fingertips while the other was thrown behind him. Lunatic, on the other hand, landed with a ballerina spin, ending with a pirouette.
"I know these two," Luthor said with barely contained anger, a vein pulsing in his forehead; beside him, his blonde partner was glaring with murderous intent, "Lunatic and Arcane. One's a hero with the Titans, and the other is a madman."
"I care not for their names!" The bald man roared, "Only their deaths!"
"Now, now, Ubu," Ras Al Ghul said, looking actually amused at what had happened to them, "They're just children, after all." Turning to the two boys, Ras continued, "However, you two cannot be simply allowed to humiliate The Demon Head and get away with it. I'm afraid some form of punishment is required."
"Sorry, not really into getting punished," Harry said back with a smile that no one could see, "I mean, I might be into that sort of thing when I'm older, but for now? Nah."
Lunatic began to laugh again at Harry's words, while a smirk appeared momentarily on Ras' face before it quickly vanished.
"I'm afraid that's not up to you, boys," Ras said, "Bring them to me."
Immediately, the Assassins threw themselves at Harry and Lunatic, no doubt enraged at what the two boys had done to them; Harry and Lunatic both jumped in opposite directions, Lunatic pulling a pogo stick from his coat and jumping on it, bouncing away from the pursuing Assassins. Harry, on the other hand, shot his tentacles out of his back and transformed them into clubs, flying away from the Assassins and smacking those that came too close.
"That's new," Luthor said thoughtfully as he watched Arcane's tentacles transform and knock an Assassin unconscious from a blow to the head, "It would seem as though Arcane has discovered a new trick."
"Indeed," Ras said, "He would make an outstanding addition to the League of Assassins."
Harry had just batted another Assassin aside when he felt someone land on his shoulders, forcing him to the ground, where the two of them fell in a heap. Quickly rising to his feet, Harry saw that it was Chesire, who had likewise jumped to her feet and drew her Sai.
"Do you have any idea how much I hate musicals?" Chesire asked, her anger evident in her voice, "I'm going to enjoy beating you to a pulp for making me be a part of one!"
"I swear to you, I had no idea it was going to happen!" Harry said quickly, "But I will admit that it was frigging hilarious! You look good in a dress!"
Chesire growled angrily and charged forward, swinging her Sai to cut Harry's throat; Harry ducked quickly and transformed one of his tentacles into a boxing glove, which he sent hurtling at Chesire's stomach. Chesire backflipped away from the glove, throwing her Sai at Harry's head as she landed; Harry's tentacles came to his defense instantly, catching the Sai and throwing it back at Chesire, who caught it inches from impaling her in the face and spun it into her grip upside down.
Another Assassin came out of nowhere and tried to behead Harry, forcing him to turn his attention away from Chesire to duck out of the way; with a sneer of contempt, Harry wrapped one of his tentacles around the Assassin's leg and spun him in a three-sixty circle before releasing the leg and sending the Assassin flying into the wall before falling to the floor in an unconscious heap.
Turning back to Chesire, Harry's eyes widened in alarm as he saw that she had jumped at him and was about to impale him with her Sai; reacting without thinking, Harry's tentacles turned into a large hand and backhanded the girl, sending her to the floor for a moment. As she rose to her feet, Harry realized that his attack had knocked her mask off, and he started with surprise as he saw that Chesire was actually a teenage girl with slightly Asian features and cool brown eyes.
"You're Chesire?" Harry asked in shock, "You're a teenager!"
"No shit Sherlock!" Chesire sneered as she picked up a nearby fallen sword and rose to her feet; cracking her neck, Chesire smirked at Harry for a moment before charging forward again, her sword raised high to cut him in half.
XXXX
Raven had just begun her evening meditation when someone pounded on her door; sighing with annoyance, Raven lowered herself to the ground and went to the door. When it opened, Raven felt surprised as she saw it was her Aunt Andi and that she looked scared.
"What's wrong?" Raven asked in her monotone voice as she saw her Aunt's worried look,
"I went to Harry's room to tell him dinner was ready, and he wasn't there, but I sensed someone else."
"Who?" Raven asked as she spread her awareness throughout the tower, looking for Harry,
"I don't know," Andromeda responded at once, "Whoever it was felt…. Mad, like a prisoner of Azkaban."
Raven slowly closed her eyes as a sudden headache began; with a sigh of annoyance, she whispered out one word.
"Lunatic…."
"Who?" Andromeda asked with a raised brow,
"A boy who Harry met three years ago in Gotham and has since decided that he and Harry are best friends." Raven said with annoyance, "He's completely insane and has the ability to alter reality within his immediate surroundings."
"That's incredible," Andromeda breathed, her eyes wide at what Raven had just told her, "Any idea where they'd go?"
"No," Raven replied with a sigh, "We'll have to wait until he and Harry come back."
"Are you sure that's wise?" Andromeda asked, "They could be in trouble!"
"They most likely are," Raven responded, "Knowing Lunatic. But until they return, we cannot find them."
"Okay then," Andromeda replied after a moment's hesitation, "If you're sure. Dinner's ready when you are."
"Thank you, Aunt Andi," Raven replied, following Andromeda out into the hall and toward the dining area.
XXXX
Lunatic was having the time of his life; he had his friend back for the first time in almost a year. He wondered where Harry had been for the last nine months and planned to ask later, but for now, he was focused on the beautiful chaos he had created.
As an Assassin tried to behead Lunatic, he suddenly raised his hand, palm up at his attacker, and called out,
"Wait!"
Instantly, the Assassin froze in place as Lunatic pulled a steaming cup of tea from his coat and proceeded to take a sip, sighing in contentment afterward,
"Ah, that's better," Lunatic said with genuine pleasure before tossing the cup away, "I needed that! Okay, time in."
The Assassin unfroze and continued his attack, only to have Lunatic deliver a quick kick to the Assassin's genitals, causing him to grab his mid-section and groan in pain as they fell to the ground.
Laughing in delight, Lunatic turned to find his next opponent, only to come face-to-face with Luthor's blonde companion, who was currently pointing her arm cannon at Lunatic's head with a pleased look on her face.
"That's a big gun," Lunatic responded, "Compensating much?"
"I'm going to enjoy killing you," the blonde said with a sneer as the cannon powered up; before she could fire, Lunatic waved his hand, causing a cartoonishly large hammer to appear over the woman's head. The woman, too focused on killing Lunatic, didn't notice the hammer as it came down on her head with a loud 'gong,' causing the woman's eyes to roll into the back of her head as she collapsed to the floor like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
Cackling madly, Lunatic conjured a unicycle as he looked for his next victim to play with.
XXXX
Harry ducked under a swing from Chesire as he studied the girl; she appeared to be only a few years older than him, perhaps sixteen or seventeen, and as he backflipped away from another attack, Harry found himself admitting that she was actually very pretty for a homicidal villain.
"You made a stupid mistake in humiliating The Demon's Head," Chesire said as she tried to disembowel Harry, "No matter where you run, we will never stop hunting you for this offense!"
"It wasn't me!" Harry said in annoyance, "I was just brought around for the ride!"
"Irrelevant!" Chesire snapped, "You will pay all the same!"
With a sigh of exasperation, Harry raised her hand, causing his tentacles to shoot out at her; dodging quickly, Chesire managed to dodge five of them, only for the sixth one to deliver a decisive blow to the side of her head in the form of a war club. Chesire's eyes widened briefly before they rolled into her head, and she crumpled to the ground.
As Harry looked across the warehouse, he saw Lunatic singing a particular dirty song about a soldier and a farmer's daughter as he smacked anyone unfortunate enough to come near him with what looked like a purple dildo. Harry didn't know which made him blush more, the song or the adult toy his friend used as a weapon.
"Looney!" Harry shouted, making his friend look at him, "Stop screwing around and get us out of here!"
"But there's still so many more people to hurt!" Lunatic pouted as an Assassin tried to attack Lunatic from behind, only to crumple to the ground. Lunatic raised his fist and punched the Assassin in the jaw with a swift hit.
"Now!" Harry snapped,
"Fine," Lunatic sighed before pulling off his hat and throwing it to the ground; not wasting a moment, Harry lunged forward and jumped into the hat as Lunatic followed suit. As both boys disappeared into the hat, the few remaining Assassins swarmed the spot where the boys had just been standing, only to growl in annoyance as their targets escaped them.
"It would seem as though they have escaped, father," Talia Al Ghul said with a hint of amusement,
"I want them found," Ras Al Ghul said at once, "Such insolence must be punished, no matter their age."
"Agreed," Luthor growled with barely contained rage, coming up to Ras, "I'll pay any price you ask if you turn them over to me when you find them."
"I'll keep that in mind," Ras sneered, glancing at Luthor quickly before turning back to his daughter, Talia.
"I think Damien is friends with Arcane," Talia said thoughtfully, "I'll reach out and see what he knows about our two pranksters."
"Good," Ras said before returning to a scowling Luthor, "Shall we continue our business, then?"
XXXX
As Harry and Lunatic reappeared in Harry's room, Lunatic fell to the ground laughing as Harry lay on his back and tried to catch his breath;
"That was great!" Lunatic said happily, sitting on Harry's bed and smiling at his friend.
"No, that was nuts!" Harry groaned, rising into a sitting position as he glared at Lunatic; a moment later, Harry's door hissed open, making the two boys turn to see who had entered, only to see a glaring Raven.
"Hello, Raven!" Lunatic called happily, "How are you?"
"Lunatic," Raven said simply before turning to Harry, "You were told not to leave the tower."
"Yeah?" Harry sneered, "So what?"
For a moment, Harry and Raven glared at one another before Raven finally shook her head and turned back to Lunatic,
"Time to leave, Lunatic," Raven said softly, "My brother and I need to talk,"
"Okay," Lunatic said sadly before turning to Harry, "Guess this is bye for now, then. Thanks for making merry with me!"
"Anytime," Harry laughed, "But next time, please pick a less dangerous target!"
"No promises!" Lunatic shouted as he took off his hat and jumped into it, his voice echoing as he disappeared.
When Harry and Raven were finally alone, Harry turned to his sister and scowled softly at her,
"So, what do you want?"
"I told you not to leave the tower," Raven said simply, "You disobeyed me."
"You betrayed me," Harry replied, making Raven wince, "So, why should I listen to you?"
"I didn't betray you, Harry," Raven said softly, "I was trying to help you. To make sure that you wouldn't end up like me, forced to suppress your emotions for fear of losing control of your powers."
"You promised that you would never let anyone hurt me ever again," Harry snapped back, "And yet, you let the Justice League torture me! Nearly kill me! When all you had to do was tell me the truth about what was happening to me! I would have let you perform any ritual you needed to if you had just been honest! Instead, you lied to me and almost cost me my soul!"
"Harry….. I…." Raven began, only to stop as Harry cut her off,
"Just leave me alone,"
Knowing nothing else needed to be said, Raven turned and floated out of Harry's room, neither sibling noticing the tears that were running down the faces of the other.
XXXX
Author's Note:
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I liked writing it. Men in Tights belongs to Mel Brooks, and as such, I claim no ownership of it. To those who keep messaging me asking why I changed the chapter before last and took away the sentience of Harry's tentacles, the answer is that ten minutes after releasing the chapter, I was inundated with PMs telling me how much it sucked and lacked originality. I changed it because I was tired of hearing how much people hated it. Hopefully, the next chapter will take less time to put out. Also, people have been bugging me, asking if I plan on putting the young justice team in here, and I honestly don't know. I wrote this as a Teen Titans story, so I don't know if I'll put the young justice in here.