Chapter 26

Emma hadn't slept well the previous night. It was hard to sleep when it felt like there was a piano dangling over your head by a fraying cord and you couldn't get out from under its shadow. When sleep finally did claim her, it wasn't for long; the sun was just cresting the horizon, its rays filtering through the linen-gauze curtains on her window when she opened her eyes. For a moment, she lay there, reveling in the peace and silence. Then she remembered the events of the previous evening, and her heart seemed to sink to the back of her ribcage and down into the mattress.

She was out of here. She knew it. Oh, Phyllis had said that it might be ages before they shipped her back to Boston, but Emma knew that Jerrica wasn't going to want her to stay here now. She'd really screwed things up this time, and she had nobody to blame but herself. If she'd only asked permission to go to the mall. If she'd only called to tell them she was there. If she'd only phoned to say that her friend either needed a walk home or maybe even a lift… Instead, she'd just gone off without a word to anyone. She'd been kicked out of other placements for less.

Emma rubbed her eyes and pushed back her blankets. The air conditioning seemed to be up a little high, at least, her arms were all goose-pimply. She tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom, came back, and got dressed. Then, she pulled out her trusty canvas knapsack and began to pack.

"This is a surprise," Kimber said, greeting Stormer with a smile. "I wasn't expecting to see you until rehearsal." Her smile dropped. "What's wrong?"

Stormer heaved a sigh. "We… kind of have a problem," she said.

Kimber took a deep breath. "How bad?"

For answer, Stormer held up a Polaroid and Kimber's breath caught. "How…?"

"Roxy."

Kimber bit her lip. "What do we do?"

Stormer hesitated. "Well, she says she won't go to the media if Deirdre doesn't press charges."

"Do you trust her?"

"Does it matter?" Stormer asked. "She has more photos besides this one. And as long as she does, she can use them to… to get back with the Misfits. Or get me to write her a guitar solo. Or…"

"I get the picture," Kimber said. She took another deep breath. "I guess we'd better get Aja and Craig and tell them what's going on. Whatever Roxy decides… it's going to affect the band, so that impacts them, too."

"What about Jerrica?"

Kimber swallowed hard. "I'm working up to it."

"All right," Jerrica said, when Emma shuffled resignedly into her office later that morning. "I'm listening."

Emma shrugged and stubbed the toe of her shoe into the one of the maroon swirls on the red carpet beneath her feet.

"Emma?" Jerrica prompted, "Why did you miss dinner?"

Emma shrugged again.

"Where were you?" Jerrica asked, her voice still gentle.

"I dunno," Emma mumbled.

Jerrica sighed. "Mrs. Bailey can use a little help cleaning up the dining area," she said finally. "It shouldn't take too long. Come down to the auditorium when you've finished."

Emma nodded, her posture still tense. She started when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I know you were looking forward to the trip, Emma," Jerrica said. "At least you'll have another chance to go next month."

Hardly daring to believe her ears, Emma lifted her head, the faintest glimmer of hope in her eyes. "You're not calling my social worker?"

"Phyllis is a friend of mine," Jerrica said. "I probably will call her later today. But not about you. Actually…" Her voice trailed off.

"Jerrica?" Emma asked after a long minute.

Jerrica smiled. "Actually, when you're done helping Mrs. Bailey, you can have some time to yourself until after lunch. Come down to the auditorium around two."

Emma tilted her head to one side, frowning a bit. "Um… okay. Why?"

"See you at two, Emma."

It was a dismissal, and not the one Emma had been expecting. She smiled cautiously at Jerrica before heading to the dining room to find Mrs. Bailey.

"I'm okay, really," Deirdre said, smiling a bit when she lifted the lid of the cardboard box and saw the individual sweet potato pecan pie nestled inside. "Twenty-seventh Street bakery?" she asked.

Shana nodded. "I remembered how much you used to love these," she said.

"I still do," Deirdre replied, lifting out the round pastry. "What's the occasion?"

"I figured after last night, you deserved a little pick-me-up."

Deirdre smiled. "Thanks."

"How are you doing?" Shana asked seriously.

"I'm okay, I guess," Deirdre replied. "Mostly." She sighed. "I keep going back and forth on whether to involve the police. I mean, I don't think Roxy meant for me to put my foot through a rusty sewer grate and spend a few hours with my leg in the muck." She winced. "I don't think she even thought about it."

"Well, whether she meant it or not, you did," Shana said. "If nobody had found you, it could have been pretty… bad."

"So you think I should press charges."

"I didn't say that."

"So I shouldn't press charges?"

"I didn't say that either," Shana replied. "Part of growing up means that you get to decide how you want to play this. I can give you advice, but I can't make up your mind for you."

"Okay, well… what would you do if you were me?"

Shana frowned. "I honestly don't know. I guess I'd think everything through, weigh out the pros and cons, and figure things out from there."

"You're no help," Deirdre said without heat. "You know that, right?"

Shana shrugged, not in the least bit offended. "Just know what you'd be getting yourself into and weigh that against what Roxy might do next time if she keeps getting away with things. And then decide how you want to proceed."

Deirdre took the plastic knife and fork out of the box and sliced off a wedge of the pie. "Why can't it be this easy?" she asked, spearing the wedge with her fork. Halfway to her mouth, the wedge broke and fell back into the rest of the pie.

"You were saying?" Shana asked with a smile.

Deirdre sighed.

"It's not that easy," Kimber was protesting.

"Come on," Stormer said. "She's your sister. Of course, you can talk to her."

"But what if it doesn't work out?" Kimber said. "What if it ends up like some… some B-movie plot where she kicks me out and says she never wants to see me again?"

"I doubt that's going to happen," Stormer said. "But even if it doesn't, you can always crash at my place. Wait. You have savings, right?"

"Yeah, sure," Kimber said automatically. "But moving in together would still work," she added with a hesitant smile which Stormer returned.

"Hey!" Both young women turned in response to the breathless voice and running feet coming from behind.

"Oh," Stormer forced her smile wider. "Hi, Emma."

"Wasn't there a Disney trip today?" Kimber asked.

Emma shrugged. "I didn't feel like going," she said, not meeting Kimber's eyes. "But," she held out a sheet of paper, "I wrote more of the song. Could you please look at it and tell me if it's any good?"

Kimber was already shaking her head. "I-I'm sure it's fine," Kimber said.

"But what about the music? And I don't know; the chorus feels… off somehow."

"Emma," Stormer said, "uh… now's not the best time. Why don't you look over the lyrics, polish them up, and maybe later, we can go over them, if you're still not sure?"

"But…"

"Later," Stormer repeated, and Kimber nodded. The two walked away at a faster clip than they had been.

"Later," Emma echoed faintly, to their retreating backs. "Uh… sure. Okay."

She wasn't sure whether either of them had heard her.

"Kimber," Raya said worriedly, "Stormer, you… you have to tell Jerrica. If Roxy does leak those photos, Jerrica has to be ready for it."

"It's not fair," Shana said. "You're not hurting anyone; you're both adults; how is it even anyone's business?" She shook her head. "You don't have to answer that. I get it. It just… stinks, is all."

Aja sighed. "Be that as it may, Raya's right. Jerrica needs to know." She hesitated. "If you don't want her to know everything, yet… you could just… say you were meeting someone about a gig and you didn't know what kind of place it was—"

"Everyone knows what kind of place it is," Stormer broke in.

"I didn't," Raya protested.

Kimber shook her head. "It's no good, you guys. We can't keep this under wraps forever. As long as Stormer and me are together, stuff like this is going to happen and the more it does, the harder it's going to be to deny." She reached for Stormer's hand and squeezed it. "We do have to tell Jerrica," she said. She swallowed hard. "Somehow."

And then a new voice spoke from the doorway. "Tell me what?"

Emma sat on her bed and looked at the knapsack at her feet. She'd been expecting Jerrica to ship her back to Boston, or at least call Ms. Gabor to find her another placement. At first, it had been a relief that she had "only" gotten grounded and stuck with extra chores.

But Kimber and Stormer had brushed her off, just like Jerrica had yesterday afternoon. She was sure that Wendy had gone on the trip with the rest of the camp. Just like Casey had gone and Stephanie had gone and—Emma's heart seemed to fall all the way down to the pit of her stomach—suppose that Wendy, Casey, and Stephanie got to talking and realized that they all had way more in common with each other than they did with her? What if, by the time they got back, they all realized what a dweeb she was and didn't want to hang out with her anymore? Or… Casey and Stephanie had been hurt before because Emma had started spending time with Wendy. Suppose Wendy let it slip that they'd been out late yesterday and the other girls ditched her for good?

She brushed the knapsack gently with one stockinged foot. Maybe she oughtn't to unpack it quite yet. Depending on how things went later when the other girls got back, maybe she wasn't going to stay here after all.

"Jerrica?" Kimber ventured. "Uh… say something?" Her sister had heard her out in silence, her expression betraying nothing.

Finally Jerrica sighed. "Well, Roxy's threat… it's not the end of the world. And I appreciate knowing before the media does. It means that we have time to figure out how to spin this."

"What do you mean?" Stormer asked.

Jerrica took a breath. "There's a good chance that the reputable outlets won't listen to Roxy, and nobody believes the tabloids anyway. But if they do, well, I know a few things about deflecting suspicions," she said straight-faced, "and our PR department has experts. We can deny or dismiss and it'll probably blow over." She hesitated. "This time, anyway."

"What are you saying?" Kimber asked.

Jerrica fixed her sister with a serious expression. "I'm saying that if you two want to keep your relationship a secret, it's not going to be easy. Once Roxy puts the story out there, even if almost no one takes it seriously, a few people will wonder. Every time you two are seen alone together, they'll be asking if you're 'just friends' or more." She gave Kimber a sad smile. "You know how you hug people when you get excited? Someone could… twist that. And hiding a part of you, living a double life… it gets hard sometimes."

"You think we should own it," Stormer said slowly, and Jerrica saw a faint smile and a knowing look pass between the former Misfit and her younger sister. There was a definite connection there. Jerrica wondered how she'd missed it until now.

"That won't be easy either," she cautioned. "Living with a secret is hard. Getting it out in the open is hard. You two are going to have to… pick your hard." Her eyes locked first on Kimber and then Stormer. Her smile was back, but her voice when she spoke again was deadly serious. "Whatever you decide, Starlight Music will back you professionally and I'll back you personally. That's a promise."

"Hey, they locked me in a trunk once and I almost went into a trash crusher," Ashley said, breaking a bit of the edge off of her chocolate chip muffin. "Believe me, I get it."

"But you didn't press charges," Deirdre said.

"I was thirteen. And the way it happened, I didn't have to; the cops or, I guess 'the People' did it for me."

Deirdre frowned. "The people? What people?"

"People versus Eric Raymond? Guy was scum, but he had some darned good lawyers back then." She shrugged. "I heard it all caught up with him again a year or so ago and he's behind bars now. S'cuse me for not being all torn up about it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes and all that."

Deirdre sighed. "I just don't know what to do. I mean, I don't think Roxy meant to do any real harm…"

"Besides replace you in the Misfits. And is there a breach of contract clause in your contract? Like if you skip rehearsals or something?"

"I think so," Deirdre admitted. "Jerrica went over it with me, but it all sort of feels like a haze now. I need to reread it."

"Yeah, because if there was, it would mean that you could get into real trouble for it. And what if you'd been so freaked out over being trapped in there that you'd decided being a Misfit wasn't worth it and you tried to back out?"

"I really need to reread it," Deirdre repeated. "Not that I'm backing out," she added seriously. "But it's something I should be sure I know."

"My point is that Roxy could have seriously messed things up for you, even if you hadn't got hurt. But since you did, if Pizzazz hadn't got her to say where you were, it could've been days before anyone found you."

"Roxy would've let me out before that," Deirdre protested.

"Probably. But what if she…" Ashley thought for a moment. "Okay, work with me on this: it was already dark when Pizzazz and the others got there, right?" When Deirdre nodded, Ashley went on. "Suppose after the rehearsal, Roxy was tired. And she starts thinking about the neighborhood where she left you. Not a great part of town to be alone in late at night and it's not like she's going to ask anyone to drive down with her to help her release the girl she kidnapped a few hours ago. She tells herself it's not safe for her to go back there at this hour. Locked up in that warehouse might not be fun, but you'll be fine there overnight and she'll let you out first thing in the morning. Only she oversleeps. She wakes up, looks at the time, has places to be…" Ashley stopped when she noticed that her friend's face seemed to have grown a shade or two paler. "I'm just saying… Roxy might not have meant to do anything more than keep you from making the rehearsal, just like Eric probably didn't mean to do anything more than use me to keep Jem and the Holograms from making it to the Battle of the Bands concert. But I almost got to reenact that Death Star trash compacter scene solo and you could've…"

"Yeah," Deirdre said heavily. She raised her burger to her lips and took a large bite. After she'd swallowed it she took a gulp of her soda and fixed her friend with a forced smile. "Thanks, Ashley. I… guess I've got to think this through a little more."

"Well," Stormer said hesitantly, "that went a lot better than I expected."

Kimber nodded, but something made her say, "You know it's not over, right?"

"Well, yeah. We have to decide what we want to do if Roxy goes ahead with the photos." Stormer pursed her lips. "Frankly, part of me just wants to make a statement to the press now and get the whole thing over with."

"There'll be a backlash," Kimber warned. "I don't know how bad, but… we might lose a lot of fans."

"Or we might not," Stormer said. "Or we might gain new ones. Or… I mean, if our fans won't accept us for who we are, then are they really our fans?"

"Maybe I don't want to find out, okay?" Kimber retorted. "I like our fans. I don't want to find out that… that…" Her voice trailed off. "And I still don't know how okay Jerrica is with all of… with us."

Stormer blinked. "I thought she took it pretty well."

"Yeah, professionally, she was great. The label's going to back us. The PR department will spin things our way. Great."

"So…?"

"So, as our boss, Jerrica's behind us one hundred per cent. But as my sister…?"

"Wouldn't it be the same? Or even more so?"

Kimber sighed. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? But with Jerrica, sometimes it's hard to be sure. She's so good at keeping things in sometimes…"

"Is she?" Stormer asked in surprise. "I never noticed."

"Like I said," Kimber sighed again. "She's really good at keeping things in." She hesitated. "You know something? Wait in here," she motioned to the auditorium they were walking past. "I'm going to go talk to her again."

"You sure?"

"About talking to her? No. About wanting you to hang around in case it doesn't go well? Absolutely." She fixed her girlfriend with a desperate look. "Please?"

Stormer exhaled and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "O-okay."

Jerrica looked up as Kimber reentered her office once more. She immediately started straightening the papers that cluttered her desk. "Was there anything else?" she asked, smiling slightly. "I thought we were done."

Kimber took several quick breaths. "I… just wanted to make sure you were… okay with… with me and Stormer."

Jerrica shrugged. "I'll admit it kind of took me by surprise, though maybe it shouldn't have. Thinking back now, it… well, it clears up a few things, I guess." She gave her sister a tired smile. "I suppose I got so used to hiding my own secrets, I wasn't really looking to uncover anyone else's."

Kimber smiled back. "It won't hurt the Starlight brand?"

"It might," Jerrica admitted. "But you're my sister and I'll stand with you, no matter what."

Kimber's smile dropped. "But?" she snapped.

Jerrica blinked. "But…?" she repeated in confusion.

"But I'm your sister? So no matter how ashamed of me you are, you'll still stick up for me in public?"

"What?" Jerrica gaped. "Kimber, that's not what I said!"

"Oh, so you won't stick up for me?"

"Of course I— Kimber! What do you want me to say?"

"If you have to ask, there's no point telling you!" Kimber retorted. "Argh! I should've known this would happen."

"You should have known what would happen?" She had no idea how or why the conversation was spiraling in this direction. "What did I say? Kimber, please, talk to me."

Kimber was shaking her head. "But I'm your sister. 'But'. Not 'and'. Thanks, Jerrica," she said quickly. "It's great to know that, at least publicly, we Benton girls stand by each other, no matter how embarrassed we feel in private. And you don't have to worry about anyone catching me and Stormer holding hands in the common room or anything." She whirled on her heel and turned the doorknob. As she stomped out, she added, "Soon as I find another place to live, I'm out of here."

"Kimb—!"

The door slammed shut before Jerrica could utter the second syllable.

Stormer looked up at the sound of footsteps. After a moment, her face relaxed in a smile. "Hi, Emma."

Emma looked down nervously and mumbled a greeting. "I thought Jerrica was going to be here."

"I think she's in her office," Stormer said. She frowned. "Everything okay? I thought you'd be at the day camp with the other girls… Or is it a day off today?"

Emma's shoulders slumped. "It is for me," she said, still mumbling. "I screwed up."

Stormer took a breath. "Uh… you want to talk about it?"

Emma shrugged.

"You want to just sit down here and not talk about it?"

Another shrug and a cautious nod, as Emma slid into a seat two chairs away from her. Stormer regarded her for a moment, before sliding over to the chair directly beside her. She started to put an arm around Emma, but when the girl stiffened, she withdrew it and apologized.

"'S'okay," Emma said. Then, more quietly, "I really wanted to go to Disneyland today."

Stormer hesitated. "Oh," she said finally.

"But I messed up like I always do and Jerrica said I had to stay and I hate her and my life sucks but what else is new?"

Stormer shook her head. "Sometimes," she ventured, "things just… stink."

"Uh-huh."

This time, when Stormer put a hand on her shoulder, Emma didn't pull away. After a few minutes, Emma said hesitantly, "I think I finished the song."

"You did?" Stormer said, smiling. "That's amazing! Do you want to show it to me?"

Emma nodded. Then, nervously, "You don't mind?"

"No!" Stormer exclaimed. "Really, I'd love to see it if you want to share."

Emma eyed the singer nervously. Finally, convinced that the young woman wasn't just being polite, she practically leaped to her feet. "I'll be right back!" she said, taking off at a run.

Stormer settled back in her chair to wait. When she heard the door open again a few moments later, she turned around with a smile, but it wasn't Emma who came in this time.

"Stormer, c'mon!" Kimber snapped. "We're going."

Stormer rose to her feet at once. "But I…" she started to say, just as Emma reentered, a piece of ruled paper clutched tightly in one hand.

"Hi, Emma," Kimber said quickly. "Sorry, but Stormer and I were just leaving."

"Leaving?" Emma repeated. "But I thought…"

Stormer looked from Emma to Kimber and sighed. "I'm sorry, Emma," she said reluctantly. "Can I look at it next time?"

"I… sure," Emma sighed. "No problem."

"Stormer," Kimber urged, "c'mon."

"I'll be back," Stormer said, but she let Kimber yank her away.

Emma forced herself to smile until the two women were out the door. Then she trudged back upstairs, flung herself face-down on her bed, and let the paper fall to the floor.

"I don't think you did anything wrong," Aja reassured Jerrica. "Not objectively wrong anyway."

The relieved smile that had already begun to curve Jerrica's lips froze. "What does that mean?"

"It means that sometimes, when you spend a lot of time rehearsing in your head how you think a situation is going to go, and you're bracing for the worst, it doesn't always register that the other person isn't following the script you wrote for them."

Jerrica winced. "I can think of a few times that happened with me and Rio," she admitted.

"He hated deception and he despised lies," Aja remarked and Jerrica snorted.

"And yet, he was two-timing me. Or he thought he was."

"Oh he was," Aja said. "He was seeing you… and then you on the side. Twice as much time as he thought he was spending with you."

"I was making a fool of him," Jerrica reminded her sadly.

"No, he was doing that all by himself," Aja drawled. "Now, would he have felt like a fool for not realizing that you were still the same person no matter what color or style you wore your hair? Sure and he would've deserved to for being that clueless, but unless you'd done some big reveal on Jerry Springer with him sitting up on stage with you in front of that live studio audience, that still wouldn't be you making a fool out of him." She sighed. "Kimber will calm down. You know she always does."

"Yeah," Jerrica nodded. "But," she looked up with a pained expression, "should she?"

"What?"

"I never suspected that she and Stormer were… more than just good friends," Jerrica said. "I didn't think that either of them was…"

"Into girls?" Aja supplied.

Jerrica nodded. "I guess, with Stormer, I have an excuse, but Kimber's my sister. I've known her all her life. If I didn't know this about her, was she really good at keeping it from me, or did I just not want to? And if I didn't want to know something that important, then what does that say about me?"

"I don't know if keeping your own secrets is supposed to give you some… supernatural power that lets you know when other people are hiding things of their own from you," Aja sighed. "But I think the fact that you're asking yourself these questions says a lot." She gave Jerrica a friendly slap on the shoulder. "Most of it good," she added. She sighed again, but this time she was smiling. "I'll talk to Kimber once she's started to calm down."

"Thanks."

"Phyllis Gabor, speaking." Her eyebrows shot up when the receptionist told her who was on the line. "Yeah, put her through."

"Pizzazz?"

Phyllis sighed. "I hope you didn't ask for me by that name, kid."

"No," Deirdre said nervously. "I remembered. Or, at least, Ashley reminded me. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have called during your office hours, but I thought I'd change my mind again if I didn't just push ahead with it."

Phyllis winced. She'd suspected the kid was rattled enough to back out of her contract and truthfully, she couldn't blame her. Well. She could, but she wouldn't. If Baxter had been any other kid, if Baxter had been one of her cases, and she'd told Phyllis she wanted to drop the band after what she'd been through, Phyllis knew she wouldn't have encouraged her to stay with it. She wouldn't have discouraged her either; she just would've told her to make sure she understood what the consequences of the decision might be.

If they could find a new guitarist—maybe one of Jetta's people, if Jerrica didn't have anyone up for the job in Starlight's talent stable, then she was willing to let Baxter go without executing the penalty clause in her contract. No, California didn't have a cooling off period on this kind of contract, but with everything the kid had been through, she could… She blinked. "Sorry, Deirdre, I zoned out for a sec. What was that last bit?"

There was a moment's hesitation. And then, Deirdre said firmly, "I know she's a friend of yours and I'm sorry if this makes things awkward between us, but… I've made my decision. I'm going to press charges."