Chapter 4

Flashbacks.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Trigger warnings in place for this chapter include: homophobic language including slurs, brief mention of pregnancy termination. morning sickness. blatant homophobia, including physical abuse.

flashbacks are written in Italics.

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Also, I am NOT interested in anyone making fan art or comics from this story. I do not own Glee, unfortunately, but I am tired of messages asking if I want fan art made. i do not so please stop contacting me.
Thanks, KnownPrincess

Quinn is sitting in her dining room with her mother, and Judy is mindlessly talking about an event at church the following Sunday.
Quinn had traveled back from New York with Rachel, who was currently at her father's house awaiting her phone call to tell her how her mother had reacted. Quinn was in her final year of Grad School and had been officially dating Rachel for almost four years. Quinn's grad school at New York University was only a ten-minute subway ride from Rachel's classes at NYADA, hence why Quinn had picked that particular place to do her postgrad.

"Mom? Can I talk to you about something? It's sort of, personal" Quinn asked, feeling her face flush with embarrassment.

"Absolutely darling. Is this about the cakewalk next weekend?" Judy asked and Quinn fought not to roll her eyes.

"No, it's about me, and New York, and something big I have to tell you," said the younger blonde.

"Go ahead darling, unless I can guess what you're going to tell me…" Judy paused, her eyes roaming over her younger daughter who was unconsciously holding her breath.

"No mom, I don't think you'll guess this…" Quinn started to say but Judy interrupted with a loud gasp.

"You've found a boyfriend at last! You've been mooning over that Nelson Puckerman since you left high school…"

"Noah. His name is Noah," Quinn said but Judy either didn't notice her mistake or didn't care to correct it and waved her hand in a dismissive gesture

"And I know that you have a… complicated history together" Judy paused and Quinn fought against the tears that were filling her hazel eyes as she fought not to think about her little 'complication'

"But really, the past is the past and it's high time you move on. So, what's this new boy like? Is he kind?"

Quinn was about to say that there was no boyfriend, and never would be again, but she decided to play along

"Yes. Very kind" she smiled

"Oh lovely. Is he academic? I mean, is he intelligent?"

"Top of the class at college. And high school as a matter of fact" Quinn replied

"Wonderful! Is he loving, does he treat you well?"

"Like a princess. Worships the ground I walk on" Quinn kept smiling, thinking of the gentle and loving ways that Rachel proved her love for her.

"Is he honest? I mean, have you told him about your past?"

"We've bared our souls to each other" Quinn says 'and a lot else besides that' she thinks to herself.

"Well, he sounds perfect for you Quinnie. What's his name?" Judy asks, clasping Quinn's left hand in her own.

"Rachel" Quinn replies simply, her face remained cool and collected but inside, her heart was hammering against her ribs.

"Rachel? Don't be silly Quinn, that's a girl's name" Judy laughs uneasily.

"I know it's a girls name. because I'm dating Rachel Berry from high school" Quinn explains, trying to gauge the reaction.

"You're dating… a girl?" Judy clarifies

"Yes mom. I'm gay. I've known for a while, a few years in fact but I didn't want to tell you until I felt comfortable in my own sexuality" Quinn's voice hitches as her mother's face remains impassive.

"You're telling me that my daughter, who had a baby when she was fifteen years old, is a queer?" Judy whispers and Quinn does her best not to flinch at the slur.

"Yes. I can't keep lying to myself and to you and I promised Rachel that I would tell you the next time I came back…" Quinn rambles but her mother holds up her hand to silence her

"Get… out."

"Mom?"

"you heard me Quinn. Get out of my house. I don't want to see you again until you've seen the error of your ways. I do not condone that… lifestyle. I will not have my daughter, who I thought I had raised correctly under the Scripture, engaging in that… that filth!" Judy gets to her feet and goes to open the door to the dining room to usher out her daughter.

"Mom, I don't understand. You forgave me after I had Beth, you wanted me to move back in. I'm still Quinn, I'm still your daughter. I'm exactly the same person I was ten minutes ago" Quinn scrambles to her feet and walks towards her mother who turns her head away.

It's almost as though Quinn can see the shame radiating off her mother, and she feels the disgust when she opens her mouth.

"You are no daughter of mine now. The baby, you gave her up for adoption, you repented for that sin. But this? This is a mortal sin, and until you speak to the priest and wash away your filthy desires, I never want to see you again. Thinking of you and that girl… fornicating like the heathen little sluts that you are… it makes me sick. You make me sick. Now get out!" Judy screams and slaps Quinn across the face.

Quinn wastes no more time. She pulls on her coat, grabs her phone and her handbag, pulls out her car keys and takes her mother's house key out of her pocket and slams it on the hallway table.

"Now you never have to worry about seeing me ever again mom. I'll never be back" Quinn shouts as she runs to her car.

She puts the car into drive and speeds away, trying to blink away the unshed tears. She gets to Rachel's dad's house and parks in their drive but doesn't leave the car yet. She pops open her compact mirror to try and salvage her makeup and gasps when she sees the red slap mark and the scratches from Judy's false nails. That would be a brilliant bruise to try and cover the next morning, and she winces as she lightly runs her finger over them, smearing the little drops of blood across her cheek, her tears mixing with them.

'look at that' she thinks to herself.
'Shame is five-fingered.'

Gasping, Quinn sits up in bed, covered in a cold sweat. For a bleary moment, she is confused until her eyes lock on Rachel, sleeping peacefully beside her, her left hand still sporting her engagement and wedding rings and is resting on her burgeoning baby bump.

"It was just a dream" Quinn mumbles and a quick glance at her phone shows the time as being almost three in the morning. Quinn knows she will not be going back to sleep any time soon so she decides to relocate downstairs to the sofa so as to not wake her pregnant and increasingly hormonal wife and teenage daughter.

Grabbing her phone, Quinn quietly slips out of her bed and shrugs a thick cardigan over her pyjamas. She glances back at her wife who continues to sleep soundly and is completely unaware that she's no longer beside her. Quinn pauses at the door and blows a silent kiss to her wife before she steps out of their bedroom and walks down the hallway, silent as a ghost. She pauses outside her daughter's bedroom, God, she'll never tire of the word 'daughter' as it bounces around inside her head.
She pokes her head into the room and notices that Beth has managed to kick off her bedclothes and seems to be in the throes of a nightmare; her hair is sticking up, her face is contorted, and she's whimpering and crying silently in her sleep.

"Beth?" Quinn whispers, unsure of how to approach this situation, usually it's Rachel soothing away her nightmares.

Beth continues to writhe and toss, her breathing coming out in short and sharp bursts

"Beth? It's… Quinn. I need you to wake up sweetheart" Quinn tries again and still Beth is lost in her dreamland.

"Beth, I need you to wake up sweetheart, come on baby. Wake up" Quinn says, not shouting but almost at her normal speaking voice and this time she is successful at rousing the teen.

"Mom?" Beth asks, confused.

"You were having a nightmare baby girl; I was checking on you and you were tossing and turning." Quinn replies, feeling her heart swell at the word Beth has just uttered.

"What? It was so real. It was… it only just… like yesterday" Beth tries to explain as she wakes up and sees Quinn sitting on the bed next to her.

"I know, I know. Nightmares have a funny way of making things that happened ages ago come back to the surface. Are you okay?" Quinn soothes and Beth rubs at her eyes

"What time is it?" she asks

"Around 3. I couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake Rach, so figured I'd go downstairs and make some tea. Want to join me?" Quinn asks, holding out her hand.

Beth thinks for a moment before nodding and taking the older blonde's outstretched hand and getting to her feet.

They make their way downstairs to the kitchen, trying to keep their voices down. Quinn flicks on the lights and they both squint slightly at the sudden brightness, Beth begins to look for a mug for each of them as Quinn puts their teakettle on the stove, she had bought this for Rachel when they first moved in together years ago and the sentimental brunette won't let her throw it out in favour of an electric model.

"What flavour of tea do you want Beth?"

Beth sidles over and peers into the cupboard, astonished. She had thought that tea was tea, a standard drink, but Quinn and Rachel seem to have enough tea in different flavours to rival the local health food store: Lemon, ginger, cranberry, raspberry, green, peppermint, salted caramel, English breakfast, rosehip, honey and ginger, chamomile… the list is endless.

"Honey and Ginger please Quinn." Beth decides and Quinn smiles at her, grabbing the box from the top shelf.

"Why is it all the way up there?" Beth asks

"Stops my wife from drinking it all. She used to drink coffee religiously, now that she can't she's into the decaf herbal tea and this is her favourite but it's also my favourite. Ergo, we go through mountains of it, so unless I put it up high, where she can't reach it without my help, our tea bill is astronomical." Quinn laughs and Beth giggles.

For the first time, Beth notices just how like Quinn she actually is, aside from the obvious: blonde hair and hazel eyes. She's tall, thin, and athletic. Her hair isn't the same texture, Quinn's is poker straight and Beth's curls at the tips but they share the same determined chin and cheekbones, Beth also has inherited Quinn's habit of nibbling at her bottom lip when she's thinking or nervous. Quinn feels a pang of longing for these traits, thinking about how alike they might've been as children or preteens.

"You didn't miss much, you know" Beth says

"What?"

"Me as a baby, a toddler, a kid, a preteen… I was kind of a brat. Maybe it was just as well you weren't there to witness all that mess" Beth laughs a little uneasily.

"You were a brat? How so?" Quinn asks, she doesn't know much about Beth's early years.

"Only child. Single mother. Devoted to me. Spent any amount of money to keep me quiet and happy. Not a good mixture" Beth rolls her eyes and Quinn snickers.

"What's funny?" Beth asks

"I was the same. Youngest daughter. Sister was ten years older than me. Parents who were financially well off but were absolutely emotionally bankrupt. They threw their money at any and all problems until I left. I was spoilt rotten by all three of them" Quinn laughs.

"You don't talk about them. Your parents and your sister. Why not?" Beth asks and watches as Quinn's expression changes. She doesn't look sad, just, sort of, resigned.

"My dad kicked me out when Finn, my ex-boyfriend, told them that I was pregnant. He actually sang to them at a family dinner. He sang that cringey Paul Anka song 'You're having my baby' and it took exactly nought point four seconds for my dad to figure it out. Subtlety wasn't his forte. He told this story about how when I was a kid, he had all these dreams and promises of me but now I was spoilt goods and no one would ever want me. My mom just sat there with her martini and let him say all these horrible things to me and about me and didn't even react when he told me to pack up my things and get the hell out of his house."

Beth was open mouthed as Quinn paused to pour the boiled water over their tea bags, the scents of lemon and ginger and berries filling the kitchen. They made their way into the living room and wrapped themselves in thick blankets, it was summer but there was a definitive chill in the air at night.

"Where was I?" Quinn asked and Beth recounted what she had told her so far.

"Oh yeah. I knew then that no matter what I did, nothing would make up for the 'mortal sin' I had committed in their eyes. Having sex out with marriage and having a bastard child, no offense, was something that they saw as unforgiveable. After you were born, my mom and I settled the dust and I moved back home with her. I hadn't quite forgiven her, and she knew that, but it was enough for me to want to go back to my own room and I thought maybe things would be different. She stopped drinking, divorced my father after he left her for a pretty young woman who was younger than his eldest daughter, and focused all her energy on me. I just wanted to make her proud." Quinn looked at her daughter who nodded sheepishly.

"When did you work out that you were…" Beth trailed off, not even sure which term Quinn was most comfortable using to define her sexuality.

"That I was gay?" Quinn finished and Beth nodded

"Sometime in my first semester of college. I had several risky hookups with guys in my apartment, mom paid for me to live off-campus, but nothing felt right. I spoke to my friend Santana, you'll get on brilliantly with her, as she was marrying her girlfriend at the time, Britany. They'd been together since high school and Santana asked me if I had ever thought if I was bisexual. I laughed at her; how could I ever have a crush on girls when I had been pregnant? Then, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to fit that I wasn't straight. I wasn't ready to call myself a lesbian, but I knew I wasn't just limited to loving guys. Oh, I also hooked up with Santana when her and Brits were on a very short-lived break at a wedding for one of our old teachers." Quinn laughed as Beth fought not to spit out her tea

"You hooked up with one of your best friends?!" the teen exclaimed

"SH! You'll wake up Rachel!" Quinn admonished but her eyes were still laughing.

"Sorry, but you hooked up with one of your best friends?" Beth repeated

"Sure did. Santana was living with Rach and their friend Kurt, so I came to visit during my spring break and ended up in a situation much like this with Rachel: sat on the sofa, drinking tea and swapping gossipy stories about life and love and messy relationships. Then, it was like time seemed to slow down, and I could hear clocks all over the world running backwards, Rachel leaned in and I just knew she was going to kiss me, so I kissed her back. It was like those stupid stories you read where people feel like their body is charged with electricity and I felt this charge go through me: I knew then that she was the only girl for me. I had never felt like that before, not with any guy, not even with Santana. We were quietly open about it and made it official with each other by the summer. Rachel went back to Lima to visit her dads and I went with her as her girlfriend, though I knew I couldn't tell my mother about us yet. There was no way she would've accepted it or tolerated it. Brit and Santana were my lifeline, helping me figure out how to adapt and define myself and how to accept myself as a gay woman. Rach and her dads helped me a lot as well, giving me a place to stay when we came back to Lima for long weekends, though I stayed with my mother during the longer breaks.
Rachel was snapped up in her junior year to star in 'Spring Awakening', don't listen to the soundtrack or read the Wikipedia synopsis, it's so overtly sexual that the virgin Mary could get pregnant by reading it. I was front and centre for her opening night and when I graduated cum lade, she was front and centre for me." Quinn recounts and smiles at the memories of her and her wife in their early years.

"Sorry, I'm still processing that you and your best friend had sex!" Beth whisper-yelled and Quinn burst out laughing, though muffled it with her hands.

"You're pregnant Beth, you do not get to judge me for this!" Quinn jokes and Beth poked out her pink tongue and they laugh some more.

"When did you tell your mom about Rachel?" Beth asked and Quinn shivers

"Sorry, if it's too hard…you don't have to say anything. I'm just nosy" Beth starts to say but Quinn silences her and recounts her coming out story and Beth cuddles into her and winces when Quinn recounts the part of her mother slapping her across the face.

"How did that make you feel?" the younger girl asks and Quinn thinks before answering

"I guess it put into perspective who I wanted in my life. Did I want someone in my life who is so openly against people like me just because of who I love? Hell no! Did I want someone who wouldn't allow the woman I was going to marry into her home because she thought the way that we live is sinful and unholy? No. I wanted people who showed me love and kindness and didn't run away when things got tough. Rach was my rock throughout the whole thing. She didn't really need to come out to her dads, they were openly gay after all. She just brought me home and said, "This is Quinn, we're dating now" and that was it. Her dads never questioned it and when I came back to their home after I told my mom, they held me, wiped away my tears, and helped me hide the bruises from the slap. They offered to get me into therapy and I accepted, and they've been the best fathers in law I could've asked for"

"Wow. I guess you swapped out one family for another in a weird way" Beth remarked and Quinn nodded.

"how do you feel about this whole situation?" Quinn asked, wanting the teen to open up to her a bit but at the same time, not wanting to pressure her into talking before she was ready.

"I guess… I feel a bit… sort of abandoned. Not by you, like I've forgiven yeh idea that you didn't want me because I know you do now and that's all that matters, but my, Shelby. She always told me that she loved me, you know, no matter what I did. Now I feel like she's lied to me, at the first sign of a problem, I'm just thrown away and forgotten.

I can't help that I love her, she's been the only thing I've ever had, but I hate her. I can't get over her saying that we can move past me… terminating my baby. It's such a huge thing and she was talking about it like it was some sort of quick fix and I hate that it should've been my choice and she couldn't accept it.

Like with… him. He said I was ruining his life and he never thought that he might be ruining mine. Well, laughs on him, I'm making something of my life. I thought I'd be stuck in that tiny town for the rest of my life, I'm living with my real mom in New York. He didn't ruin my life. I didn't either. I'm… well I'm not exactly happy about it but I'm glad because it means I've got my mom back" Beth said all in a rush and Quinn nodded

"Quinn?" Beth asked, suddenly nervous

"Yes baby?"

"Can I… can I… I want…" She stammered and Quinn pressed a kiss to her forehead

"Slow down honey, take a breath. In and out, see? Now, what did you want to say?" Quinn calmed the nervous teen and Beth took a deep breath before trying again

"Can I call you mom?"

And all at once, Quinn felt her heart thud with joy and she couldn't help the smile that came across her face or the tears that filled her eyes.

"Yes, yes baby of course you can call me Mom. Only if you feel ready to…"

"I do. You're the mom I want and the mom who chose me when I needed someone to put me first. Shelby might have adopted me, but blood is thicker than water" Beth smiled and both blondes embraced, and that's how Rachel found them hours later, fast asleep on the sofa. Rachel knew that Quinn still had nightmares occasionally and since she had gotten pregnant, Quinn tended to try and manage them alone by coming and sitting downstairs so she could get a decent nights sleep. Rachel also knew that these nightmares were often about Quinn's family and Quinn still worried about them tracking her down and hurting them both, no matter how much Rachel tried to convince her otherwise. It had been almost 8 years since Quinn had come out to her mother, and still there had been no contact, aside from an RSVP to their wedding stating that Judy and Frannie Fabray would not be joining the two women to celebrate their special day.

Rachel hadn't been a naïve woman, she knew that Quinn's family with their religious outlook and habit of sweeping things under the rug, plus their attitude to Quinn's teenage pregnancy, it was unlikely to be a positive outcome but for Quinn's mother to completely disown her, again, for something that Quinn couldn't control, Rachel had sat with her girlfriend for hours after Quinn had come home to her sporting a red hand-shaped mark and scratches on her face and sobbing fit to burst. Rachel had washed the blonde's face, tended to the stinging skin and applied cream to the scratches, all the while soothing her and reassuring her that she loved her and yes, this hurts now but one day, she won't even have to think about her family.
Quinn, for the most part, classed Rachel's family as her own. She called her fathers in law 'Dad' and 'Daddy' as Rachel did, and her friends were all she needed.

Rachel's coming out to her dads couldn't have gone more differently to Quinn's experience.

"Dad? Daddy? Are you home?" Rachel called, lugging her suitcase into the Berry house and was barely through the door before she was being hugged and kissed by her fathers.

"Did you think for one minute we wouldn't be here to meet our daughter as she comes back from New York?" Hiram replied and Rachel laughed

"How was your flight baby?" Leroy asked as he picked up Rachel's case and led them all through to the kitchen.

"The flight was okay, long and because I had a class early this morning, I couldn't get the one I wanted so got the red eye instead. But I am exhausted after that class, I slept for a while but not nearly enough." Rachel stifled a yawn and declined the idea to go upstairs and sleep.

"How is NYADA? Are you enjoying it?" Hiram asked, putting a coffee with almond milk down in front of his daughter who took a grateful sip and nodded

"It's perfect. I love my course, my classmates, I love living with Kurt and Santana, I just sang for our winter showcase and I'm the first freshman to be picked in decades apparently. Carmen Tibbideux loved my voice and said I've got real potential. She filmed my performance and sent it to a friend of hers who is casting for a new show. They're looking to perform it when I'm a senior at the showcase but will do some regional theatres across New York to gain interest and raise the money to hopefully do Off-Broadway within the next few years. I really hope I get it!" Rachel fizzed with excitement as her dads congratulated her and made plans to take her out to dinner to celebrate

"Dads, before we do anything, I'd like to tell you both that I'm seeing someone in New York. It's fairly fresh for us both, but I can't keep anything from you two" Rachel teased and watched as her dads pulled up chairs so they could talk about her new partner.

"That's amazing darling! We couldn't be happier for you that you've found someone who loves you. What are they like, tell us about them" Leroy smiled and Rachel felt herself blush lightly

"Oh she's blushing! That means she really likes this person!" Hiram teased and Rachel swatted at him.

"Well, they're blonde, they've got these hazel eyes that you could get lost in, they're taller than me, obviously, but pretty athletic. They're sporty but creative and kind. They write me the most amazing stories and poems and I swear they see the world a little differently. They're a huge romantic, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair at restaurants. They're pretty shy though and no one gets to see their softer side like I do. I think… I think I'm happier than I've ever been with them" Rachel smiled a little as she pictured her beautiful girlfriend in her mind and recounted all the things she loved about her.

"And does the person who has swept our daughter completely off her feet and turned her head over heels in love have a name?" Hiram asked and Rachel nodded

"And their name is…" Leroy pushed

"Quinn. Fabray. You remember her from high school? She used to be head cheerio and we were in the glee club together" Rachel said

"That's wonderful baby, I'm glad you've found someone to make you so very happy. When do we get to meet her? Leroy asked

"I think she's coming over tomorrow, she's spending today with her mom. But you can't tell anyone that we're dating. Her family is so homophobic and Quinn doesn't want to tell them until she's ready" Rachel admitted and both men nodded, knowing exactly how Quinn must feel.

"Fantastic. Well, we shall hold off on the celebrations until your girlfriend can join us and we can get take out from anywhere you choose. There will be rules on having your girlfriend here Rach, but mostly we're so glad you've found someone who loves you as much as Quinn clearly does." Hiram smiled and Rachel blushed deeper as she thought about the rules they might impose and how she might be able to get around them.

Rachel was snapped out of her flashback by Beth stirring, looking slightly dazed before clapping a hand over her mouth and running towards the downstairs bathroom, with Rachel hot on her heels.

Beth was retching into the toilet and trying to hold back her hair at the same time, so was unaware that Rachel had followed her until she felt a soothing hand on her shoulder and her hair being scraped to the top of her head.

"Rachel?" Beth gasped between heaves

"Yes Beth, it's me. It's okay, you're not alone anymore. You're going to be fine." Rachel's hand was rubbing soothing circles on her back and her words seemed to calm her churning stomach, Rachel stayed for another fifteen minutes until Beth finally leaned back against the wall and Rachel gave her a glass of water.

"Wash around your mouth sweetheart, don't swallow it, just spit it out. You'll feel better in a minute" and Beth did as she was told.

"Thanks Rachel, it's normally Qui… my Mom who does that for me" Beth smiled

"Any time honey, my morning sickness wasn't that bad but I'm happy to help you through it if Quinn is unavailable for whatever reason. Why were you both asleep on the sofa, it's barely 7:30am" Rachel smiled back, noting the teens use of the word 'mom' when referring to Quinn.

"Yeah, mom and I both had nightmares last night so we came downstairs so we wouldn't wake you up. Mom said you need a decent night's sleep" Beth replied

"Your mom is a very caring woman. You take after her in that regard. Come with me and I'll make you a ginger tea, it helps my nausea in the mornings" Rachel offered a hand and Beth got to her feet, following Rachel into the kitchen.

"We'll put the coffee on first for Quinn, she can be a moody bitch without her coffee in the mornings. Did you both make tea last night?" Rachel asked and Beth nodded, filling Rachel in on their night of chatting.

"Rachel?" Beth asked

"Yes Beth?"

"I…I've started to call Quinn mom, and she's happy to be called that, but what do I call you? You're my adopted sister, but you're also kind of my mom." Beth asked and Rachel smiled at her

"Hmm, that's tough. Let's wake up your mom and see what she says but you'd better wait until the coffee has brewed first" Rachel decided.

Quinn could get used to being woken up by her daughter softly saying "Mom, wake up. Coffee's ready" and hearing her wife ask if she wanted something to eat from the kitchen.

Rachel and Beth waiting until they all had their respective mugs and were fully awake before Rachel opened her mouth.

"Well, now that we can all function correctly, I think Beth has a question, don't you honey?"

Beth nodded and looked at Quinn

"Well, if I'm ready to call you mom, then what do I call Rachel? She's my adopted sister, sort of, but she's also like a mom. I just want to keep things tidy" Beth admitted.

"Let's google it" Quinn decided, reaching for her phone.

After another hour, and a lengthy google search, Beth found a term that felt right for Rachel.

"Mama doesn't feel right for me. How about Mimmi? It's not too different from Mom but doesn't feel too little kid-like." Beth asked and Rachel nodded

"Mimmi feels perfect Beth, thank you"

"Thank you for letting me stay"

"Thank you for letting us be your mom and Mimmi" Quinn smiled and she honestly thought that all three of them had found their small slice of heaven.