Hi,

It's pretty obvious I haven't been active in years for my stories. I'm sorry about that. To be frank life sucks. Like it super really sucks. My father was dealing with a terminal condition and it was a struggle handling that after having lost my mother to cancer. My grandfather wound up with a terminal condition as well… In just over a year I lost the three most important people in my life. My grandfather, then my dad on Christmas, and my grandmother a bit after that.

I'm not okay. I took time off work and was getting better. Then covid hit and I had to move. Things have been a battle since and I find myself out of fight. I've used up all I have. I need help. While I am trying to get assistance, I have found that "Why didn't you try to get help sooner" is the most irritating and painful thing to hear. I do not come from an affluent background. I am used to fighting tooth and nail to get by. But what do you do when You've got nothing left and you run out of fight?

So if possible I would appreciate some help. It can be a prayer. It can be well wishes. It can be a coffee lol: ko-fi animehuntress is mine just no spaces. Or you can search for me under animehuntress on Ko-Fi. Got the same profile pic so you'll know its me. I can't promise anything… except that if I get through this, I will do my best to try and keep updating. That's all I can do.

Thankyou

AnimeHuntress

Now onto the update, lol.

Chapter 8: Understanding

Cagalli stood quietly, watching her friend and brother. The pain and soreness in her body couldn't compare to the emotions churning inside her. Her back was stiff and her head high as she watched the two. She knew what she said wasn't unreasonable, and Lacus reaffirming it helped, but all her life with less than a handful of exceptions that was how she had been treated. It was so unbearably hard to look at them and see everything that she wanted and yet it felt so far out of her grasp. She wanted her brother to acknowledge her as family but while he had been kind, she had felt the distance he kept from her. She wanted Lacus to stand as her friend, as someone who knew what it was like to have impossible expectations placed on them, but unlike Cagalli she hadn't been forced to rule a nation and had been content to find a quiet place once the dust of war had settled. In some ways they had worked through all of that but… did it still hurt? She had wanted Athrun to stand at her side and be the one she spent her life with. She had wanted to help him see everything he could be and how much he could do. While him being a coordinator meant nothing to her, she had been excited to show the world exactly that. She had been excited to show them that her being a natural and him a coordinator meant nothing and that they were who they were because they had lived, not because of how they were born. So why was all of that so far away?

Arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. Only then did she realize she was crying. When was the last time before all of this that she had cried? When was the last time before all this that she had cried in front of someone. The last war? Yes… but… when had been the last time she had just honestly cried. She couldn't remember. Tears of loss, frustration, anger, happiness, and maybe even a little hope. She let Athrun hold her and pick her up and carry her into the study. She really had been pushing herself too hard. She shouldn't have tried to walk on her own, but her body's weakness and the cause just added to the tears. Why couldn't she stop? This wasn't like when they had first told her. This was like a dam had burst and nothing could hold it back anymore. Years of everything piling and piling finally released. There was no wailing. No screams. Just quiet tears that wouldn't stop and a body trembling with the weight of it all.

Cagalli's words hadn't just hit Atrhun. They had hit Kira too. He had had so many reservations about his relationship with Cagalli and he had never been a sibling before. He had genuinely been frustrated with her actions, but hearing her view of it made him feel sick in a way he had never felt before. What would have happened if he hadn't gone to get her? His brain stalled and he shuddered, tightening his hold on Lacus a moment before letting go and turning to watch as Athrun carried his sister into the study.

"Seeing her like this hurts," Lacus whispered quietly, looking up at him.

"Yeah," not daring to let himself go down that train of thought, he shifted and looked over at Andrew Waltfeld.

"Took you long enough kid." The man gave him a careless shrug, but his good eye showed how tired he really was.

"Sorry," Kira could only give a tired smile back.

Andrew smiled and took a look around before sauntering off and leaving Lacus and Kira in the entryway with Meer. Dearka and Yzak had decided to follow Athrun and Cagalli into the study, which was a bit surprising really. Wanting to be in the same room as a crying woman, let alone one as feisty as Cagalli, rather than bailing out and going anywhere else, felt out of character for the two. Turning his focus onto the last person left other than Lacus, he felt that hollow sickening feeling he had felt earlier, intensify.

He had avoided looking at her. Perhaps that was cowardly but seeing this stranger with his lover's face made him feel sick and cold but also incredibly sad. While this young woman was not blameless in her actions, she was still a victim too. It was confusing at best, and he didn't want to let himself feel what it was at worst.

Right now, she looked like a hurt drenched kitten expecting to be thrown in the gutter, and Kira was a bit tired of it. He barely noticed Andrew head into the study with a tea tray.

In the face of the real Lacus, what could she say? In the face of all she had done and how much she had hurt everyone, not just Lacus' friend but also Lacus' fans, what could she do?

"It was hard for you," Lacus murmured, staring the young woman. "You didn't even realize that you never had a choice in this."

"Wha… what? But I accepted what they said and…" Meer staired at Lacus in shock and confusion.

"They would have killed you had you refused. Just like they tried to kill me." Lacus told her gently. "If they had let you live after making that offer, you could have outed the next person they went to and who accepted. That's why I don't hate you. In the end it would have been anyone. At least with you, your heart was genuine. That doesn't make it okay. What the Chairman did was wrong, but I can't blame you for all of it."

Kira stared down at Lacus before looking at the person wearing her face. "I can't forgive you, but I don't hate you. At least you've started to try and make up for your actions. The only thing we can ask… Please keep telling everyone the truth."

"Now that, that is taken care of, shall we go see what we can do about all of this?" Lacus smiled looking up at Kira which made him drop a kiss on the top of her head. "There is still a lot left to do."

Sorry this is so short. Having to rely on the Library at the moment. I'll probably come back and edit this a bit as I'm not very happy with it. Thanks again. My step-dad is now recovring from Kidney failure and really this is just a mess. Please all the well wishes and prayers for me and my family. Thank you for the support! Thank you for all the love you've given this fic! Love AnimeHuntress