Konoha In Despair: II

Naruto wandered into the grocery shop, her movements deliberate, as if every step required a mathematical calculation. Her glowing sapphire eyes scanned the aisles with unnerving precision, like a predator searching for prey—or in this case, discounted ramen. She held a basket in one hand, perfectly balanced, her head tilting slightly as she observed a display of instant noodles.

"Ah," she said stiffly, her voice devoid of emotion but oddly enthusiastic, "Naruto acknowledges the convenience of pre-packaged sustenance. A marvel of modern efficiency. Truly, the pinnacle of culinary engineering."

Her monotone musings were interrupted by a familiar voice. "Naruto?" It was TenTen, standing a few feet away with Neji, holding a basket filled with a random assortment of kunai polish, rice, and what looked suspiciously like a bag of jellybeans.

Naruto turned her head toward them with mechanical precision, her eyes locking onto TenTen like a scanner. "TenTen. Neji. Naruto recognizes your presence. This encounter is… unexpected. But not unwelcome."

TenTen blinked. "Uh, hi, Naruto. Are you… okay? You sound kind of… weird."

Neji raised an eyebrow, his usual stoic demeanor faltering slightly. "She's… different. Is this some kind of new training?"

Naruto's head tilted as she regarded them. "Naruto has undergone… changes. Adaptations to better appreciate the nuances of existence. Neji's observational skills are, as expected, exceptional. Naruto is impressed."

Neji frowned, clearly unsure whether he'd been insulted or complimented. "Right…"

TenTen, ever the pragmatic one, tried to steer the conversation back to normalcy. "So, uh, what brings you here, Naruto?"

Naruto lifted her basket slightly, showing an assortment of instant ramen packs, all meticulously arranged by flavor. "Naruto seeks sustenance. The variety of flavors available in this establishment is… awe-inspiring. A testament to the boundless creativity of the human spirit."

TenTen gave her an awkward smile. "Okay… that's… good?"

Neji leaned closer to TenTen, his voice low. "What's wrong with her? She's usually loud and… annoying. Now she's…" He gestured vaguely, at a loss for words.

"Creepy?" TenTen offered.

"Enthusiastic," Naruto corrected, her tone flat but her words disturbingly cheerful. "Naruto acknowledges Neji's concern. It is… appreciated."

TenTen laughed nervously, trying to lighten the mood. "Well, at least you're still buying ramen. Some things never change, huh?"

Naruto's eyes seemed to glow faintly as she regarded the ramen in her basket. "Ramen is more than nourishment. It is an experience. The interplay of flavors, the harmony of textures… Naruto finds it transcendent. Truly, a gift to humanity."

TenTen blinked. "Uh, okay. Sure."

Neji crossed his arms, his expression skeptical. "Is this some sort of joke? You're not acting like yourself."

Naruto turned her attention to Neji, her gaze unnervingly intense. "Naruto acknowledges Neji's discomfort. Change is often unsettling. But Naruto believes Neji possesses the strength to adapt. It is… admirable."

Neji's eye twitched. "You're not making any sense."

"Neji's confusion is understandable," Naruto replied, her tone calm and measured. "Naruto's evolution is difficult to comprehend. But Naruto assures you, it is for the better."

TenTen exchanged a glance with Neji, clearly unsure how to handle this new version of Naruto. "Well," she said awkwardly, "it's… good to see you, Naruto. I guess."

Naruto nodded slowly, her movements unnervingly smooth. "Naruto values this interaction. It has been… enlightening."

As Naruto turned and walked away, her movements as stiff and deliberate as ever, TenTen let out a sigh of relief. "What the heck was that?"

Neji shook his head, his expression unreadable. "I don't know. But I'm going to avoid her until she's back to normal."

TenTen nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Same."

Û~Û

The dango shop was bustling with the hum of conversation and the sweet, inviting aroma of freshly skewered dumplings. Seated at a corner table, Kakashi, Genma, Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma gathered for what was supposed to be a casual break. Instead, it had turned into a semi-intervention, with Gai leading the charge, his eyebrows knitted together in righteous indignation.

"Kakashi!" Gai slammed his fist on the table, causing the skewers of dango to wobble precariously. "You left Lee in the Snow Country! My most youthful protégé! Alone! Surrounded by snow and despair!"

Kakashi, as always, looked utterly unbothered, flipping a page of his orange-covered book. "He's fine, Gai. It's Lee. If anything, he probably did more push-ups in the snow than he ever would here."

"That's not the point!" Gai thundered, veins popping on his forehead. "The springtime of youth does not include being forgotten in the middle of a mission!"

Asuma smirked, taking a lazy drag from his cigarette. "You've got to admit, Kakashi, leaving a kid behind is pretty low, even for you."

Kurenai, her expression caught somewhere between amusement and exasperation, chimed in, "And what's this I hear about Naruto? She's... different now? I passed her on the street yesterday, and she called me 'the pinnacle of acceptable mediocrity.' I think she was trying to compliment me."

Genma chuckled, twirling a senbon between his fingers. "Naruto? Oh yeah, she's a trip now. Heard she's not just a shinobi anymore—she's an actress. The 'Cutest Actress,' no less. The posters are everywhere."

Kakashi finally looked up from his book, his one visible eye crinkling in amusement. "Ah, yes. Naruto. She's... evolving. Ever since she came back from the Snow Country, she's taken on this... peculiar habit of praising people in a way that makes them feel worse."

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Praising people? Naruto? Isn't she usually... a little less inclined to be so, uh, generous?"

"She's generous, alright," Kakashi said dryly, leaning back in his chair. "Too generous. She told me I was 'the epitome of acceptable laziness,' and then went on about how my lack of effort was inspiring to those with low standards. It's like being insulted, but with compliments."

Genma snorted, nearly choking on his tea. "Sounds like a talent. Maybe she picked it up from dealing with you."

Kakashi ignored the jab, while Gai, still fuming, pointed an accusatory finger at his rival. "This is your fault, Kakashi! You and that mission to the Snow Country have corrupted Naruto's youthful spirit! She was supposed to be the beacon of fiery determination, not... this."

"Oh, you mean the Snow Country mission?" Kakashi said casually, taking a sip of tea. "You'll love this part, Gai. Lee wasn't the only one who got... misplaced. Naruto died."

There was a collective pause. Even Asuma lowered his cigarette, blinking in confusion.

"Wait," Kurenai said slowly, "Naruto died?"

"Technically, yes," Kakashi replied, ever the master of nonchalance. "But she came back. Stronger, stranger, and apparently with a flair for acting."

"She died and came back?" Gai said, his voice a mix of horror and disbelief. "How could you leave Lee after something like that? He needed support! Guidance!"

Genma raised an eyebrow. "I'm still stuck on the 'she died' part. What happened?"

Kakashi waved a hand lazily. "Oh, nothing too dramatic. Sasori got involved, there was a fight, and... well, Sasori ended up dead. Naruto came back... different."

Kurenai leaned forward, intrigued despite herself. "Different how?"

Kakashi shrugged. "She talks in third person now. Occasionally slips into first, but only when she's really riled up. And she's taken to romanticizing the most mundane things. She once called a puddle 'a reflection of nature's melancholy.'"

Asuma barked out a laugh. "Oh, this I've got to see. So she's a poet now?"

"She's an actress," Kakashi corrected, smirking slightly. "Remember Yukie Fujikaze? Turns out Naruto accidentally became the star of her latest movie. The director, McPhoenix David—don't ask—called her 'the most natural talent in the Elemental Nations.'"

Genma shook his head, still chuckling. "Naruto. The same kid who used to scream 'Dattebayo' every five minutes?"

"The very same," Kakashi said. "Although now, she screams it with... more nuance. And she wears a frilly black dress and high heels everywhere."

Gai looked like he was going to explode. "This is an affront to the youth of Konoha! Naruto should be training, not parading around in costumes and insulting people with her so-called compliments!"

"She's not insulting," Kakashi corrected, clearly enjoying himself. "She's praising. For example, she told Iruka-sensei that his consistent mediocrity was a comfort to those afraid of change."

Kurenai covered her mouth, stifling a laugh. "Poor Iruka. How did he take it?"

"He smiled through it," Kakashi said, flipping a page in his book. "But you could see his soul die a little."

Asuma shook his head, still grinning. "I can't believe she's a Jounin now. How's she handling that?"

"She's... managing," Kakashi said with a shrug. "Although her tendency to narrate her own actions in third person can be a bit... unsettling."

"Unsettling?!" Gai shouted, his fist pounding the table again. "This is a tragedy! Naruto was supposed to represent the pinnacle of youthful exuberance and hard work! Now she's some... third-person-talking, frilly-dress-wearing actress!"

Genma leaned back, smirking. "You're just mad because she called Lee 'the most enthusiastic beacon of reckless incompetence.'"

Gai's face turned an alarming shade of red. "SHE SAID THAT?!"

Kakashi nodded, his eye crinkling again. "She also said your wardrobe was 'a bold rejection of color coordination and societal norms.'"

Gai shot to his feet, pointing dramatically toward the door. "I will not stand for this! I'm going to find Naruto and demand an explanation!"

"Good luck with that," Kakashi said, returning to his book. "Just don't be surprised if she praises your... unique persistence."

As Gai stormed out, the remaining four Shinobi shared a look, then burst into laughter. Kurenai wiped a tear from her eye. "I don't know whether to feel sorry for Naruto or everyone around her."

"I'd go with the latter," Asuma said, lighting another cigarette. "Sounds like she's having the time of her life."

"Or the time of our lives," Genma added with a grin. "She's turning the whole village into her audience."

Kakashi leaned back in his chair, his book now forgotten. "Well," he said, his tone almost fond, "it's never boring with Naruto around."

Û~Û

Minato followed Bitch through the empty expanse of Naruto's mindscape, a landscape as bizarre as it was disappointing. It was a sprawling void punctuated only by the occasional floating ramen bowl, a poorly constructed replica of the Hokage Monument, and a handful of frogs croaking aimlessly on lily pads. The entire scene gave off the impression that Naruto's brain was designed by an unsupervised child given unlimited access to crayons and glue sticks.

"Naruto's mind is... creative," Minato offered diplomatically, though his voice betrayed a deep sense of concern.

"Incorrect," Bitch said without hesitation, her glowing sapphire eyes scanning the environment. "Naruto's mind is simplistic, disorganized, and deeply inefficient. Dattebayo."

Minato winced. It stung hearing his daughter, even a synthetic version of her, being criticized like this, but… looking around, it was hard to argue. "I mean, it's not that bad—"

"Incorrect," Bitch interrupted. "Naruto's cognitive landscape reflects a troubling lack of focus and intellectual rigor. Observe: ramen bowls constitute 73% of the available memory space. Amphibians account for an additional 12%. The remaining 15% is devoted to poorly rendered simulations of authority figures. Her efficiency rating is… abysmal. Dattebayo."

Minato sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Well, she's still young. Maybe she'll grow into—"

"Unlikely," Bitch interjected, her tone as flat as ever. "Naruto's intellectual capacity is largely fixed. She is, by most metrics, an idiot."

Minato flinched, clutching his chest as if physically struck. "Ouch. That's… harsh."

"Accurate," Bitch replied without a shred of emotion. "Now, observe." She gestured dramatically, and the scenery shifted, revealing a massive iron gate looming ominously in the distance. The structure was immense, its bars stretching impossibly high, and a slip of paper with the word "SEAL" written in bold calligraphy was plastered across the lock.

Minato's heart sank. "That's… the Kyuubi's prison."

"Incorrect," Bitch corrected, leading him toward the gate. "This is the Cell, a suboptimal containment mechanism that has been rendered obsolete due to external interference. The Kyuubi is no longer contained. Its chakra has spilled into 2B's core systems, causing widespread malfunction. Dattebayo."

Minato frowned. "Wait, if the Fox isn't in the cell, then where—"

"Here," Bitch said, snapping her fingers. The shadows beyond the gate stirred, and a massive pair of glowing red eyes emerged, followed by a snarl that shook the very fabric of the mindscape. The Kyuubi's enormous form stepped into the light, its fur bristling with raw malice, and its teeth bared in a menacing growl.

"YOU," the Kyuubi snarled, its deep, guttural voice dripping with venom as its gaze locked onto Minato. "THE FOURTH HOKAGE."

Minato smiled sheepishly, offering a small wave. "Uh… hey, Kyuubi. Long time no see."

"DO NOT ADDRESS ME SO CASUALLY, YOU WRETCHED HUMAN!" Kyuubi roared, slamming its massive claws against the gate. The bars rattled violently, though they held firm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I'm, uh, here to fix Naruto," Minato said, trying to sound confident but faltering under the Fox's glare. "She's… having some technical issues."

"GOOD," Kyuubi spat. "LET HER MALFUNCTION. LET HER FAIL. THAT INSOLENT BRAT DESERVES TO SUFFER."

Minato's smile faltered. "Come on, she's not that bad—"

"SHE IS INSUFFERABLE!" Kyuubi interrupted, its tails lashing behind it in agitation. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE TRAPPED IN HER PATHETIC BODY? CONSTANT PRAISE, ENDLESS RAMBLING, AND THAT INFURIATING THIRD-PERSON NONSENSE. 'NARUTO WILL DO THIS. NARUTO WILL DO THAT.' SHE MAKES ME WISH FOR EXTINCTION."

"Well, that's… harsh," Minato said, glancing at Bitch, who nodded in silent agreement.

"IT GETS WORSE," Kyuubi continued, its voice rising in pitch. "SHE TRIES TO PRAISE ME. ME. THE NINE-TAILED FOX, THE EMBODIMENT OF DESTRUCTION. SHE CALLED ME 'FLUFFY,' MINATO. FLUFFY!"

Minato bit his lip to keep from laughing. "That, uh, does sound frustrating."

"FRUSTRATING DOES NOT BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT," Kyuubi roared. "I AM A BEING OF PURE MALICE, NOT SOME CUDDLY PLUSH TOY. AND YET SHE INSISTS ON TALKING TO ME AS THOUGH I'M SOME KIND OF… OF PET!"

"Maybe she's just trying to connect with you?" Minato offered weakly.

Kyuubi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "DO NOT DEFEND HER. SHE IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO HER KIND. AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP HER? TO FIX HER? NEVER. I WOULD SOONER SEE HER DESTROYED."

Minato sighed, rubbing his temples. "Look, I get it. She's… a lot. But she's also my daughter, and I can't just give up on her."

"THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM," Kyuubi snapped. "NOT MINE."

"Actually, it's both of our problems," Minato countered, his voice firming. "If she malfunctions, you're stuck in her body. And if she self-destructs, you go down with her. So maybe—just maybe—you could try working with us instead of against us."

Kyuubi's growl rumbled deep in its chest, but it didn't immediately respond. Minato took the silence as a small victory.

Bitch, meanwhile, stepped forward. "Resolution of this conflict is necessary for system repair. Cooperation is non-negotiable. Dattebayo."

Kyuubi let out a low, guttural snarl. "Fine. I will cooperate. But only because I refuse to let that brat take me down with her. This is not for her sake. It is for mine."

"Fair enough," Minato said, clapping his hands together. "So, what's the first step?"

Kyuubi's lips curled into a sneer. "You will find out soon enough, Fourth Hokage. And I assure you, it will not be pleasant."

Minato gulped. "Great. Looking forward to it."

Û~Û

Author Note:

I hope you liked this chapter.

Naruto, in Sage Mode, has glowing jade eyes. Without that, she has normal glowing sapphire eyes.

Drop your thoughts in the review section. Your words inspire me to write faster, better and with more depth.

Till next time!