As the sun set, Kazuma and the others snuck out into the darkening city. The pavement radiated heat like an oven, causing all of them to soon be soaked in sweat. Chris and Kazuma led the way, dodging heavily armed patrols of swaggering guards carrying pikes and scimitars under the neon lights of the various casinos.
That was probably the biggest shock to Kazuma: the entire city of Elroad looked like Las Vegas, with towering hotels dressed in various themes, from the one with a lot of fountains that reminded him of Alcanrettia, the one with pyramids, to another with jousting knights. All of them advertised games of chance, and it made Kazuma's fingers itch.
"Later…" Chris whispered, making Kazuma jump. "We'll rob this place blind later, my clumsy apprentice. Oh, the runs we'll have…I've been itching to teach this place a lesson for ages."
"I mean, sure, robbing casinos is great, but I was thinking of gambling, not robbing the vault," Kazuma hissed back.
Chris giggled at that. "Oh Kazuma. That's exactly how I was planning to rob them. When you and I play, it's not really gambling now, is it?"
Kazuma grinned and laughed. "No, I suppose it isn't, is it? Now come on. We got an idiot king to save."
They finally made it to the outskirts of the palace, where the ring of mage towers could be seen. Each tower was at least 60 meters tall. They would have been nothing special in Japan, but by this world's standards, walls of such height were extraordinary. They were also incredibly wide, having a base of 20 meters in diameter. Each was made of solid sandstone, with magical glyph wards on it that would protect it from most spells.
"Where's a Chuuni Calamity on legs when you need her?" Kazuma muttered. Despite himself, he found he was actually missing Megumin. This would have been a perfect target for one of her Explosions.
"We're going to have to do this the hard way," Darkness said grimly, raising her sword.
"Do me a favor and aim your swings at me. That way you won't hit me," Kazuma told her, which made Darkness flush and Dust scowl.
"Hey man, you don't see me insulting your girl," Dust growled.
"That's because Rin is perfect in every way and would kick your ass if you tried. Darkness, on the other hand, is into it," Kazuma said blithely.
"Hmm, you've got something on your nose, Kazuma," Rin said, rubbing her own to demonstrate. Kazuma copied the gesture, and Rin chuckled. "There, looks like the brown came off. Now come on. Darkness, you wait for Kazuma and Chris to take out the guards, then you lead the way in. I'll be right behind you and Dust."
Kazuma stepped forward, then hesitated. On a whim he turned her around, scooping Rin up in his arms and sweeping her off her feet to kiss her deeply. He looked into her eyes and said, "I love you."
Rin, for her part, had gone completely red, but her tail was swishing back and forth so hard it was kicking up a dust cloud. She just grinned stupidly at Kazuma and nodded, so he set her back down and hurried after Chris, who was sneaking towards the tower entrance, and activated lurk.
He nearly fell over when something invisible slapped him on the back. "Nice work, lowly assistant. Seems like my luck and charm are rubbing off on you! Now get your head in the game."
The main doors to the tower were sealed up tight, which only made sense, so Kazuma and Chris looked for a back way. It didn't take long for them to locate a side door, but Kazuma's thief sense told him there were plenty of guards on the other side.
"We need a way in so that the others can get inside," Kazuma whispered to Chris as they crouched in the twilight. "How do we do it?"
"Hmm, let's just listen for a moment," Chris said, and they put their ears to the door.
Sweet Eris, I'm hungry. When's dinner coming?
Dunno, Captain Ali said something about food being delivered later. He's with the Minister now.
Great. I bet it's more of that awful stew. Makes you want to order out, doesn't it?
You know the rules. No food unless it's from the barracks. Even if I think I'll hurl if I eat one more bite of that slop.
Kazuma and Chris pulled back and eyed each other. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Kazuma asked.
"Yes, and the good news is, I already have the uniforms with me," Chris said.
Chuckling, Kazuma nodded. "Just like you, Chief, to already have guard uniforms for-"
A shirt and pants smacked Kazuma in the head, and he pulled them off to see a red shirt with black slacks, along with a ball cap with a familiar logo on it. "Wait, is this-"
"Yes, but don't tell anyone. Some weeb who was a big fan of Code Geass set up a chain here decades ago and it's been a smash hit. Now turn around so we can get changed," Chris told Kazuma.
Moments later, Kazuma was dressed as a Pizza Hut delivery man, with Chris in identical uniform. She'd also produced eight piping hot boxes of pizza pie from somewhere.
"You're really going to have to tell me how you know about Code Geass later," Kazuma told Chris as he adjusted his red ball cap.
"If you haven't figured it out by now you're either completely blind or so infatuated that you can't even notice other girls now. Either way, I'm milking this until I stop finding the joke funny," Chris told him, which didn't answer much of anything. Then she rapped smartly on the door in the familiar "shave and a haircut" pattern. "DELIVERY FOR CAPTAIN ALI!"
There was a pause, then a flap slid aside and a pair of eyeballs peered out. "Yeah, yeah, password or you- holy shit, is that Pizza Hut!? Guys, Captain Ali sprang for pizza!"
"Wait, he did?" someone said from the other side, but the door was already being flung open by the overly eager guard.
"Sweet, hand it over!" the guard said, licking his chops.
"Nuh-uh. Not until we get paid. Plus tip. Do you have any idea how hard it was to deliver this with the city on lockdown?" Kazuma demanded. "If we didn't have a writ from Captain Ali, we'd never have made it! As it is, this stuff's nearly cold!"
"Right, right, fine, come on in," the guard said, and ushered Kazuma and Chris inside, where they set the pizzas down on a nearby table. The guards eagerly crammed around it, grabbing steaming hot slices of pizza goodness.
A minute later, Captain Ali hurried down the stairs. "What's this!? Who ordered pizza! There's a damn lockdown, how'd you even get it delivered?!"
One of the guards paused, a bit of cheese hanging from his beard. "Uh, you ordered it, captain. They said it's 16000 eris, plus tip."
"For eight large pizzas!? That's highway robbery!" Ali ranted. Then paused. "Wait, but I didn't order pizza."
"Then perhaps you ordered a knuckle sandwich?"
"No, I don't remember-" Ali cut off as Darkness' fist slammed into his jaw, sending him skidding across the floor bereft of several teeth. He didn't even get a chance to grab a slice.
The guards yelled and tried to fight back, but they were taken completely by surprise as a Dragon Knight, a Crusader, a mage, and a terrifying dragon-loli smashed into them from one side, and the pizza delivery crew betraying them from the other. After a brief scuffle, the guards were bound and gagged, which made Darkness look terribly jealous.
"Don't worry, later," Dust promised, which made Darkness blush and Kazuma gag.
"That's not all of the guards," Chris warned. "These are just the grunts. The mages are the real problem, and they're on the top floor. I also doubt they'll fall for the pizza gag twice."
"No more pizza?" Faitfore asked, looking up with her mouth smeared with sauce and cheese, as she'd found a half eaten pie and promptly devoured the rest.
Darkness hastily took out a hankie and wiped Faitfore's mouth clean. "We'll have more pizza after we rescue the king, sweetie. Just keep working hard."
"Ok, momma," Faitfore said in her usual serious tone. Darkness squealed and picked the girl up, hugging her tightly.
"I want one," Rin whispered to Kazuma. "She's so adorable!"
"Yeah, me too," Kazuma said, half before he knew what he'd said. "But, uh, later. First, let's blow this joint."
They made their way up to the top of the tower, having to bypass several magical barriers that had sprung up. Fortunately, it seemed Rin was a bit of an expert on getting into magical locks. "I may have uh, specialized in cracking magical barriers. I always knew I wanted to be an adventurer…soooo…" Rin chanted a quick spell, then pressed a control rune that deactivated it. "Ta-da!"
"Aww, you're both gremlins! You're perfect for one another," Chris laughed.
"Says the woman who apparently carries around Pizza Hut uniforms just for a dumb gag," Kazuma muttered.
Chris wagged a finger at him. "It's only dumb if it doesn't work. Otherwise, you're just lucky! Come on, there's only one more before we get to the top."
They hurried up the last set of stairs, only to find the barrier already lowered. Kazuma held up a hand, peering up above them into the darkness. "Wait. Something's not right. That can't have been all the barriers. Someone had to put those up, right?"
"They were automatic defenses, so even a single mage could have activated them," Rin explained. "Still…yeah. This seems like a trap. What's going on?"
"I smell…something scary," Faitfore said, sniffing at the air and steppin forward. "Daddy, stay behind me."
"No, pumpkin, you- WAIT, FAITFORE!" Dust shouted, as Faitfore suddenly leapt forward, sprinting up the last set of stairs towards the roof.
The rest of them charged after, just in time to see the flash of magic and the roar of a dragon. Kazuma emerged to see Faitfore in draconic form battling it out with half a dozen spell casters lobbing advanced magic at her. The mages were all lined up, and behind them cringed a man with a black turban, black goatee, and an official looking staff.
Right, the guards had mentioned a Minister. That must be him. Couldn't scream Evil Vizier if he tried any harder.
"I'll grab the priority target, you guys hit the mages!" Kazuma called, and slipped back into the shadows as he watched the battle unfold. The mages focused their fire quite naturally on the giant dragon, and while Faitfore was clearly hurt by their spells, she managed to clamp her jaws around one mage and then fling him over the side of the tower, screaming. The mage would probably be fine, more's the pity, but they were out of the battle for now.
The next to pile in was Dust, leaping a good 10 meters into the air to come down with his spear on another mage. His armor absorbed the spells sent his way, and Dust skewered the woman, snarling, "Leave my baby girl alone!"
Two mages fired off massive inferno spells at Darkness, but she simply enjoyed the experience. They did seem relieved that she dropped her sword, but Kazuma knew that just meant she was taking this seriously. She picked up one mage, breaking their arm with one hand before throwing them bodily at the second, bowling them both over. Sheesh. The woman really should just give up on the sword all together. She was a natural wrestler.
The last mage engaged in a brief duel with Rin, which made Kazuma worried. They clearly knew Advanced Magic, while Rin was using only intermediate spells. Fortunately, that seemed to be more of a distraction until Chris came in and slipped a dagger into the mage's back, causing them to slump to the ground with a knife in their kidney.
"You damned adventurers, you're ruining everything!" the Vizier hissed at Kazuma as he approached the man with Chunchumaru out. "I was this close to finally managing to balance the kingdom's budget after those idiot foreigners came in and began draining the national treasury!"
"Yeah, well, stay quiet old man and we won't have to kill you while we light the signal. If you're good and tell us where you're holding King Leo, we won't even torture you," Kazuma said.
"Ha! I'd LOVE for you to take them off my hands, but this is even more of a disaster. Do you know how much it costs to replace those mages!? Bother. Well, I suppose I was supposed to be toppling the kingdom for the Devil King, so I may as well just use this opportunity to take out Bryndle's dragon knights too."
Kazuma paused, half a step away from the Vizer. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Oh, yes, terribly sorry, forgot to introduce myself. You see, I'm Ragecraft, General of the Devil King. A pleasure," the Vizer said, extending a hand to Kazuma.
He tried to pull back from automatically shaking the man's hand, but the general darted forward to seize it, . "Oh no. This is going to hurt, isn't it?"
"Oh, I'll try to make it painless while I kill all of you. Just because a man needs to destroy humanity doesn't mean he needs to be rude about it," Ragecraft said in sensible tones.
"Uh, guys?" Kazuma called, trying to pull his hand away. "We have a problem!"
"What, can you not deal with one old man, Kazuma?" Dust called. "Come on, Rin, light the flare!"
Rin shot off the green spell into the sky, where it exploded. "There. Now the Dragon Knights will be here shortly. Who's the prisoner, Kazuma?"
"GUYS!" Kazuma screamed, as his arm was gripped tighter and tighter. In a moment, Ragecraft's features melted like clay, then reformed to look like Kazuma's own to his horror. Numbness traveled up his arm, and Kazuma felt himself going limp. He dropped Chunchumaru, only for Ragecraft to catch it before dumping the now limp Kazuma on the floor.
He could only watch in horror as Ragecraft sidled up to Rin, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Good work. However, there's something I really must ask you about in private. Would you just step over here with me, my lady?"
"Kazuma, what's gotten into you? First you're screaming and now you want to sneak off? Looking for a quickie all of a sudden?" Rin teased, making Kazuma's stomach lurch.
"Ah, the minister fainted, he's over there. I just wanted you to check on him. And really, a quickie? Now really isn't the time, we have work to do," Ragecraft said, making Kazuma sound like a real obnoxious asshole.
Rin's face suddenly went dark, and Kazuma cheered as she cried, "FIREBALL!"
Ragecraft realled, back, cursing and slapping at the flames on what looked like Kazuma's clothes. "Confound it, woman! Why would you attack one of your own allies!?"
"I don't think so. Kazuma would never miss a chance to say something pervy or go for a quickie, battlefield or no," Rin hissed, her tail standing straight as a bristle brush as she leveled her staff at Kazuma.
"Very well, now, behold, my TRUE FORM!" Ragecraft cackled, and he began to grow, his clothing shredding as he transformed into a giant demon, wielding a flaming sword at-
A giant tail smashed into Ragecraft, bowling him over and very nearly crushing Kazuma. The still growing giant cried out in pain as silver flames from Faitfore washed over him, then shrieked again as a Lightning Bolt spell struck him. Then Dust lept on him and began to stab the man, before Darkness ran over and punched him in the side of the head as hard as she could. Chris even pulled out her magic dagger and went to work on the giant's tendons.
What followed was about two minutes of utter humiliation as Kazuma lay flat on his back. Ragecraft tried shifting his form several times, but it never helped. He simply got wailed on as he complained and whined. At last, he tried to turn into a bird and fly away, only for Faitfore to clamp her jaws around him and swallow him whole. Kazuma was worried he'd try and grow again, but then Faitfore opened her jaw and breathed a stream of fire into the skies, probably deep frying whatever was left of the poor general.
"Wait, if this was the fake Kazuma…where's the real one?" Dust asked, glancing around.
"Oh no…KAZUMA!" Rin wailed, desperately scrambling around the top of the tower.
"It's fine, the big lug is right here," Chris said, coming over to where Kazuma was lying. She popped the cork off the bottle and put it to Kazuma's lips, and a moment later, sensation returned to his body and he groaned, managing to shift his body, though it felt like your arm did after you slept on it all night.
"I'm alive," Kazuma muttered as Rin hastily knelt beside him, cradling his head in her lap. "Sorry, uh, turns out…that was a General of the Devil King."
"What? Are you sure? He didn't seem very hard," Rin said, frowning down at Kazuma.
"He said his name was Ragecraft? That ring any bells?" Kazuma asked.
Rin gawked and looked at Chris, who laughed. "Hot damn! That was a NICE bounty we just claimed! Check out your Adventurer's card, Rin. I bet you went up a level!"
"Later," Rin mumbled, blushing slightly. "I just…you're OK, right Kazuma?"
"I'll be fine," he said, flopping his arm. "I was only mostly dead."
"And as well all know, there's a big difference between all dead, and mostly dead," Chris said with a wink.
Kazuma and Rin just looked at her with blank expressions, and she sighed. "Oh well, I guess a Japanese wouldn't know that one. I'll just have to find other ways to drop hints. Hey! There's the cavalry!"
They all craned their heads upward as the column of Dragon Knights soared overhead, making for the castle. The other towers tried to fire on them, but they were too distant to get clear shots and at the wrong angle to really do much of anything. The Knights and their Dragons were able to land in the castle, which quickly surrendered with its defenses penetrated.
After that, it came to light that the Sultan was bed ridden, and had been for several weeks. His young son, Revi, was in charge, sitting pale faced on a throne in his pajamas. "Uh, I just did what Minister Ragecraft told me to do…" the young boy admitted. "Plus, those foreigners were eating us out of house and home, and the state was being forced to cover their gambling debts! We were going broke!"
"Well it turns out he was a general of the Devil King trying to cause problems, so perhaps we can forgive you," Rin told Prince Revi, who looked much relieved. "But what's this about my father's gambling debts?"
Just then, a door opened, and a tall man with a scraggly beard in soiled and torn but previously fine clothes strode in, followed by two men who had to be his sons in similar wear. "Leonore! My precious baby lion has finally-"
"Father! What is this about GAMBLING DEBTS?!" Rin demanded, rounding on the man, her expression furious.
King Leo hesitated. "Well, um sweetums, you see, ah, we were having so much fun, and we just knew our luck would turn around, so, er, we-"
"You sit down right here," Rin ordered, pointing to the carpet before the throne. "I'm getting to the bottom of this."
"But, Leonore, you just rescued us! We have to make these savages pay!" one of the princes, Leo-something, said.
"I don't want to hear a word out of you, Leopold. I've heard plenty from the palace staff about your habits back home, and so help me, if you've continued it here, there will be hell to pay!" Rin vowed.
"I am the King and your father! You will treat me with respect or I will-" King Leo began.
There was a loud and very ominous cough, and a woman in a fine dress put a firm hand on the king's shoulder. "Sit, your majesty. The princess is talking."
"Who are you, how dare- Hoyin? What are you wearing?"
"My very best, provided by Princess Leonore. Now sit. And listen," Hoyin growled.
Looking sheepish, the king and the princes had a seat right there on the carpet while Rin ordered the palace staff to bring ledgers detailing her father's spending habits. They all quickly testified that the Bryndle delegation had been abusing the hospitality of Elroad in a most egregious manner, burning through over a million eris a day in food and drink, not to mention the several billion eris debt they'd racked up in the gambling halls.
"So, um, we took them hostage because they were trying to skip out on what they owned to the casino. We just needed to collect on their debt," Revi admitted. "Plus, the cost of the wrecked rooms they caused when we tried to get them to pay up. We rounded up, uh, somewhat generously, but, well…at the very least, they owe about 50 billion eris."
Rin closed her eyes, then slowly rounded on the King, who was cowering before her. "My cutest little cub, I can explain…"
"Oh, it's not me you'll need to explain things to. It's your people, who are going to be saddled with this ridiculous debt you've incurred! Fifty BILLION!? That's half our annual budget for the ENTIRE KINGDOM!"
"Wait, how do you even know that? You've never attended any meetings," Prince Leo-whatever asked.
"The Princess has taken over management of the kingdom in your absence. And done a smashing good job of it too," Chanticlair sniffed.
Sighing, Rin turned to Revi. "Well, the bounty on Ragecraft was about five hundred million eris. Will you accept that as a down payment on their debt?"
Revi blinked. "Uh, aren't you just going to take them and force us to eat the cost? You, er, are the one with the army of dragons…"
"Yes, and Elroad is our second biggest trading partner after Belzerg, not to mention the kingdoms of humanity need to stand united against the threat of the Devil King," Rin moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We can't afford to alienate you, and this is the sort of debt that would make a kingdom collapse. The last thing we need is for the casinos to seize total power and put up a trade embargo against us."
"Uh," Revi looked to his (non-traitorous) advisers, who were all frantically nodding at him. "Yes! We accept. We can surely work out some sort of arrangement to pay back the debt over time."
"Oh yes, we will. And I know EXACTLY which three idiots are going to be working themselves to the bone to do it," Rin growled, rounding on the king. "Chanticlair, put these three idiots under arrest. Then find the dirtiest bounties the guild has to offer in Bryndle, and put my father and brothers to work. Because Lady of Fair Fortune help me, I am not going to see my national budget ruined because of my own family's incompetence!"
"Leonore, you can't do that, that's…that's treason!" Prince Leo-Whatever protested.
"My…my own daughter…enacting a coup against me?" the King gasped.
"A coup, huh?" Rin turned to the assembled knights and dragons. "Any objections to the former King and Princes spending the rest of their natural lives working off their debt?"
"Should just execute them and be done with it," Hoyin growled, which made the former royals cringe in fright.
"HAIL, QUEEN LEONORE!" Chanticlaire shouted, then knelt before Rin. A few moments later, the rest of the knights and dragons had followed suit.
There was a loud cough. "Ah, actually, I think you'll find she wants to take the regnal name of Rin," Chris commented.
Chanticlaire blinked and glanced at Rin, who flushed. "Uh, yes. I think the kingdom has had enough of Leo monarchs. Time to start fresh."
"HAIL, QUEEN RIN!" the Knights and Dragons all shouted. After that, the former king and princes were hauled off, and Rin and Kazuma had to get to the rather serious business of drawing up a treaty with Elroad, dealing with how the debt between the two kingdoms would be settled. It was decided that they would pin the blame of the entire thing on Ragecraft, who had been working to poison relations between the two kingdoms, and the sheer incompetence of King Leo the Deposed and his sons.
The sun had been up for hours after they finished, and Rin and Kazuma were all too grateful to accept the chambers that Revi offered them to spend the night in. "They're not our nicest guest chambers, but, well, the former King trashed those so badly they're still being cleaned and repaired."
"They'll do fine," Kazuma assured him. "We just need somewhere to pass out for a few hours before we head back to Bryndle."
The two of them staggered to the bed, sharing a long kiss. "Well, at least we saved two kingdoms, huh?" Kazuma commented.
"Yes, it's finally over and-"
The door smashed open, and Darkness strode in, her eyes wide. Dust hastily shut the door after Faitfore and Chris came in, causing Rin to groan. "Whatever it is can wait. I'm too tired for even a quick…uh, embrace before bed. And Faitfore looks exhausted."
"...eepy," Faitfore yawned, holding her arms up to Dust, who picked up the drowsy girl and rested her on his shoulder, where she promptly fell asleep.
"Rin, do you have any idea what you've just done?!" Darkness hissed.
"Prevented a war and came up with a reasonable repayment plan that won't bankrupt Bryndle?" Rin yawned.
"NO! YOU OVERTHREW THE RIGHTFUL MONARCH AND ROYAL FAMILY AND SEIZED A FOREIGN THRONE! BRYNDLE IS DOOMED! DOOOOOOMED!" Darkness half screamed, hoisting Rin off her feet by the collar and shaking her.
"Hey! Hey! Knock it off!" Kazuma demanded, desperately trying to force Darkness to set Rin down.
The shake, however, seemed to have forced Rin back to her senses, and Darkness set her down, only to pick Kazuma up and rattle his brains as well. "You insufferable man! This may be a game to you, but you don't understand! Neither of you have royal blood! The gods will curse you both, and you're as doomed as Bryndle is! It will surely fall!" Darkness cried, tears in her eyes.
"Eh, I wouldn't say that," Chris said with a shrug. "Leo was a bore and his sons were worse. To say nothing of Leonore. I think you'll find the gods will bless this just fine."
"Oh and how would you know?" Darkness snapped, dropping Kazuma to the ground with a thump. "You're just an uneducated thief! I love you, Chris, but you cannot steal a throne! The gods ALWAYS curse those foolish enough to topple their anointed, and without the gods' blessing, there will be no royal family! And without a royal bloodline, the kingdom won't have heroes strong enough to defend the kingdom against the forces of the Devil King!"
"I dunno. Hey, Kazuma, you think Aqua would be cool with you and Rin taking the Throne of Bryndle?" Chris commented.
Darkness rolled her eyes. "Much as Aqua might THINK she's a goddess, she's not actually a real deity, and can't grant the Divine Right of Kings!"
"But, the Knights were OK with the overthrow. Don't they know about the Divine whatever?" Kazuma moaned, clutching his head.
"But they thought I was of royal blood! If they find out I'm just a commoner…" Rin looked panicked now, and was gnawing at her fingernails.
"Hmmm. Yeah, I can see I'm not going to get any peace until this is resolved," Chris sighed. "Totally gonna have to blow my cover for this. Sheesh. And here I had hoped at least Kazuma would figure it out on his own."
"Figure what out?" Kazuma asked, frowning at Chris.
She rolled her eyes, then grabbed two grapefruit off the table, and stuffed them under her shirt. "Chris, this really isn't the time," Darkness sighed.
"No, no, I got this." Then Chris grabbed a pillow case, pulled it over her head like a shawl, and covered her scar with a bit of makeup. Then she turned to the puzzled group, widened her eyes, and said, "I am terribly sorry, but I regret to inform you that you have died…again."
Kazuma blinked, and for a moment, his mind went blank. Then his eyes went wide and he screamed, "ERIS?!"
"Took you long enough!" Chris laughed, pulling off the pillow case and letting the fruit fall out of her top. "Sheesh, Aqua not getting it I can understand, I've been pulling a fast one on her for centuries, but you, Kazuma? I thought my cover would be blown after the Winter Shogun, for sure after the Kite Runners!"
"Huh? Kazuma, what's going on?" Rin asked, looking at Kazuma as Darkness' head whipped back and forth between Chris and Kazuma.
"And Darkness, really, it's fine. I've known the entire time. Heck, you being such an oddball pervert was why I answered your prayer by visiting to be your friend in the first place," Chris said.
Darkness went red and instantly fell to her knees. "F-forgive me, Lady Eris!"
"Uh, Kazuma…?" Rin said, her voice trembling now.
"Uh, well, you see…Aqua really is a goddess…and, um, turns out…Chris is too," Kazuma admitted, rubbing the back of his head.
"Ha ha. Very funny. You two worked this out ahead of time, didn't you?" Rin demanded, folding her arms over her chest.
"That's how you knew so much about Japan! I should have known," Kazuma groaned, shaking his head.
"Sorry, Rin. I hope we can still be friends!" Chris said brightly. "And get up, Darkness. I still expect plenty of prayers and offerings, but not when I'm actually here, you know? It gets lonely up in heaven too."
"I'm lost, what's going on?" Dust whispered to Darkness, a perplexed look on his face.
"Two of my best friends are gods," Darkness said, her voice shaking as she got to her feet. "I don't suppose Megumin is…never mind. I don't want to know."
"I mean, she's already a Crimson Demon. Frankly, that's enough. Don't tell her about me though. Those lunatics would try and imprison me as a tourist attraction," Chris said with a shudder.
Rin had gone rather pale now, and was clinging to Kazuma. "Kazuma…now would be a really good time to tell me this was all a really unfunny prank…"
"Nope! But don't worry. I find you very cute together, so you'll do just fine," Chris said with a giggle. "Name the baby after me, though. Christopher is a good boy's name. Sorry, Kazuma. No luck there. Oh, you too, Darkness! Christina for you though. She can be Tina, like her mom."
Rin's hand instantly went to her abdomen. "W-wait, um, you mean…?"
"Yeah, you're both pregnant. Have been for a while, actually! Turns out Kazuma's just that lucky. Scored a home run that first night in the forest," Chris said blithely.
"Wait, how could she know that? Is she a priest?" Dust asked, furrowing his brow.
Chris patted him on the cheek. "Never change, Dust. Never change. Now, if you will, Rin. Your Adventurer's card?"
Trembling, Rin took out her card and handed it over to Chris, who examined it. "Hmm, not bad base stats. But, well, we'll just give that a little polish…" She rubbed the Adventurers card with her fingers, then held it up to admire it. "Ah, perfect! There you go."
Rin took the card, then frowned. "My stats didn't go up, but…wait. What's that x2 mean? And those new skills…Royal Bloodline…and…Rightful Ruler?!"
"Yep! Congratulations, heaven has smiled on you this day! Normally, I'm too low-ranking to bestow the Divine Right, buutttttt….since Aqua is out of the office, I can rubber-stamp it!" Chris said proudly. Then she turned and put a hand on Dust and Darkness' shoulders. "Now shoo! These two have some celebrating to do! They just found out they're parents, and got a kingdom to boot! A very in-debt kingdom, but eh, Rin's smart, and Kazuma's lucky. Now get going, you too! Your eldest daughter needs a nap, and so does Darkness! I want my adorable namesake to be a healthy baby, you hear?"
Rin lowered her card, then gave Kazuma a sheepish grin as the door closed. "Um, oops. Er…congratulations?"
Slowly, Kazuma knelt, then put his ear to Rin's belly. "Hmm. Can't hear anything yet…"
"We've only been dating for like six weeks, you dork. You'll barely even notice I'm pregnant for another couple of months," Rin said with a snort. Then she winced. "Er, I guess I did baby trap you after all, huh?"
"Well, you know what that means," Kazuma said, scooping Rin up in his arms. She gave a delighted squeal, especially when he tossed her onto the bed and pulled her pants off.
"We can have as much sex as we want and not worry I'll get pregnant," Rin giggled. She hesitated then, sitting up to cling to Kazuma tightly. "But…Kazuma…this means…we really did pull off a coup."
"Eh, we'll worry about it later. Besides, now I know you really are marrying me for my money! You just want to get your kingdom out of debt," Kazuma chuckled.
Rin leaned back, her eyes hooded. "Oh really? Well, I suppose if I must take this vile pervert of a man to my bed to pay off my kingdom's-EEEEE! Ah! Kazuma…I love you…" Rin moaned as Kazuma peeled off her panties and spread her legs wide.
"I love you too, my Queen," Kazuma said, then set to work with his mouth until Rin gasped and groaned, clutching at his hair. He didn't last very long once he was inside her, but that didn't matter. They fell asleep in sweaty and tangled sheets, oblivious to what the future might hold for a few more hours.