Hello, lovelies. I'm thinking that I'm back.

Chapter 59

Jane was curious about what Garrus was up to, could it really be as simple as Garrus only wanting to talk with Thane? As the thought crossed her mind her hands flew to her head, "Oh fuck, please don't let them be fighting." She smacked her head lightly with her palm; she knew that Garrus could get a little jealous but she really didn't need her crew fighting with each other. The doors opened to the level that housed port cargo and Jane could already hear the roars. Cautiously, she entered the room. She could already see Grunt pacing back and forth, his fists clenched, and if she wasn't mistaken, she could hear his teeth grinding. "Heard you've been tearing up the place."

"Something…. IS WRONG, Shepard." He walked further form her, worried he might lash out, "I feel wrong. Tense. I just want to kill something with my hands," he growled as he looked over his shoulder at her. Turning back to the window overlooking the cargo hold, he continued, "More so than usual. Like it's not my choice. Like I just wanna…. I don't know!" He shouted in a guttural roar before he reeled his head back and charged forward with it, slamming into the window, cracking it. "See? Why do that? What's wrong?" He demanded, stomping back towards Shepard.

Jane stood her ground as the violent krogan started coming at her; showing any weakness now could trigger some primal drive in him and then this place would really become a mess. "Dr. Okeer didn't imprint anything that would help you figure this out?"

He took a deep breath, "I see pictures of old battles. Voices of old warlords but this is… a blood haze in my head. I want control. When we're moving, fighting, I focus. But here my blood screams, my plates itch! Even you are just noise. I am tank-born. What is this?"

"EDI, anything in your files about krogan diseases that could cause this?"

"Cerberus has a number of autopsies on file but nothing on a krogan of this age and situation. Krogan are reluctant to share medical records."

Grunt shook his head, "My people were defeated by doctors and labs. They will never let stuff like that leave the homeworld of Tuchanka."

Jane nodded, "Joker can get us to the krogan homeworld. I want everyone at their best. If we're lucky, an old friend might still be there."

"Thank you, Shepard. I don't like this. Fury is my choice. Not a sickness," he twitched his head, fighting to stay focused.

"Don't worry, Grunt. We'll head there first thing. Let me know if you want someone specific for the ground crew."

Grunt only grumbled in response.

Jane nodded and stepped back towards the exit. She made her way back towards the elevator but decided to check in on Jack first. After finding the lower hold empty and checking engineering only to find it also missing the person she was looking, she returned to the elevator. As the door opened, she found Garrus on the other side. "Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you. Already done with your chat?"

"Wasn't much of a chat, nothing serious. Besides, I thought I should come down and make sure you didn't need any back up."

"Hmm… alright," she eyed him as she stepped in. "Don't worry, I'm still intact," she stepped in, swiping her omni-tool over the panel then studied him, "You're up to something, aren't you?"

"Why would I be up to something? Awfully paranoid there, Shepard," he smirked.

She rolled her eyes with a small laugh. A moment passed before she asked, "So, you don't have somewhere to be?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you didn't select a new floor when I got in."

He shrugged, "Maybe I'm just enjoying the trip," he stepped closer, "and the company."

"You think you can stroll in here and put off your duties?" she took a step closer as well.

Garrus closed the distance and touched a talon against her side. "Technically, I was already in here. You were the one who strolled in here."

The doors opened and the two stepped into the quarters. Garrus walked backwards, keeping Jane close and leading her into the room with him. Once she crossed the threshold, he gently moved her to the side and back until she was leaning against the tank wall.

"You're up to something and trying to distract me," she moved a hand to the scarred side of his face. "So, why don't you tell me what it was about? Not planning on fighting Thane, I hope."

"You expect so little of me," he chuckled and moved in to nip at her jaw.

"Shepard," EDI interrupted and the two stopped, "Your presence is required in the mess. I believe that Jack found some information she did not like."

Jane sighed, "Shit." She looked at Garrus longingly as he stepped away. "Does everyone have to lose it at the same time?"

"Stay safe, you might need to watch yourself more than with Grunt. Need some backup?" He settled for brushing a talon along her face before dropping his hand back to his side.

"No, I'll be fine. But I'm not done with you yet," she winked.

"Good, I hope not," he crossed his arms and watched her as she entered the elevator again. "I'll wait for you here if you don't mind. Try not to take too long."

"See you when I get back," she smiled at him as the doors shut. On her way to the altercation, Joker pinged through her omni. "So I hear Jack and Miranda are having it out. You heading down there before they destroy a bulkhead?"

"Yeah, Joker, I'm dealing with it."

"Take pictures!"

Jane approached Miranda's office and could not only hear Jack's screaming but also sense biotics flaring.

"Touch me and I will smear the walls with you, bitch!" Jack yelled as she gripped a chair and launched it at the Cerberus operative. Miranda calmly stepped out of the way only infuriating Jack more.

"Enough! Stand down! Both of you!" Jane snapped.

Jack stalked towards Miranda as she spoke, like a serpent readying to strike, "The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong."

"It wasn't Cerberus, not really," Miranda attempted to explain. "But clearly you were a mistake," Miranda hissed her words.

Jack whipped around on the woman, "Screw you!" She raised a finger to Miranda's face, "You have no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you." Biotic energy began to crackle on Jack's skin.

Jane pushed her way between them, "Our mission is too important to let personal feelings get in the way."

"Fuck your feelings. I just want her dead," Jack scoffed.

"You both know what we're up against. Save your anger for the collectors."

"I can put aside my differences," Miranda smirked at Jack. "Until the mission is over."

"Sure," Jack squared up with Miranda, refusing to back down from someone like her, "I'd hate to see her die before I get a chance to filet her myself!"

"Go take a breath, Jack!" Jane ordered. I'll be down in a minute. "You two gonna be okay?" Jane looked pointedly at Miranda.

Miranda let out an inaudible sigh of relief once the doors closed behind Jack, "It's a good thing you came by when you did. As long as she does her job, we'll be fine. Thanks, Shepard."

"You may not have instigated this but you certainly didn't help calm anything down. You didn't need to be so abrasive.

Miranda's mouth pressed into a hard line. Begrudgingly, she nodded, "Understood."

"Clearly this down time has not been good for everyone. I guess it's better we get back to things before everyone finds a reason to get pissed."

Shepard rubbed her temple. Although she had been warned that the new translator would take some time to adjust to, it was still being quite bothersome. She had been lucky it was available on such short notice. There wasn't much time before they were to head out but she was already anxious about what was coming their way. Before things got busy again, she decided to have a chat with John.

When she made her way into his quarters, she could hear him loudly snoring. She looked at his cot and not only was one arm hanging off the side, his head was as well, prompting the loud snores. Jane smacked his arm and he stirred.

"Hmm? What?" John snapped up mid snore, eyes still partly closed.

"Wake up from your nap, we need to catch up."

He groaned as he sat up. "But I probably won't get to nap later…"

"You'll be fine," she said as she sat nearby.

John rubbed his face, already waking up more than he expected. "What's up?"

"I figured we needed to catch up."

"About what? I know about you and Garrus, what more could there be?" He paused and blinked. "Oh, I guess there is something. Tali and I are kind of 'official' now."

Jane blinked, her previous train of thought gone. "That's great! I'm so glad you are both giving it a chance."

"Yeah," John sheepishly grinned. "I mean, it's going to be slow. There's still a bit of healing to do."

"I understand that," she smiled.

"So what did you want to bring up?"

She bit her lip, "It's kind of a downer. We can talk about it later."

"No, no, it's fine. Let's not keep things from each other."

She studied him, "What happened between you and Mom?"

John leaned his head back against the wall with a slow shake. "It wasn't good. She was doing her usual thing of pushing for military service and really hammering it home since she needed a kid in the Alliance." He took a deep breath. "We argued. It got to the point where she said I would have probably been able to save you if I had military training. And, I know it was her grief talking but… she basically said the wrong kid was taken."

She had no words. All she could do was get up and hug her brother. He gave her a light pat on the arm. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

She pulled back from him, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I put you in that pod. There is no guarantee that would have made any difference."

He nodded, "I know. Doesn't mean I still can't regret what happened."

Jane sat back in her spot. The silence hung in the air around them, neither knowing what to say.

"Oh," John broke the quiet, "I almost forgot." He got up and grabbed a box from a shelf. "I got this for you on Illium but had to leave it on the Cerberus ship when I was scouting Tali." He handed her the box. She gave him a quizzical look before he continued. "I saw the other one in your room before I left Omega. Not sure if it's a new hobby for you but thought you could add it to the collection."

She turned over the box and saw that it was a model of an Alliance Cruiser. "Thank you, that is really sweet. I love it."

"You're welcome. I would have preferred to find the Mako but I don't think those are a thing."

"A shame, really," Jane laughed.

Jane took count of the personal missions that her teammates had requested of her. The timing for Kasumi was going to be tight; after Tuchanka they would have to head straight to Bekenstein. Miranda seemed to want something but wasn't speaking to her about it. Grunt was the most pressing concern. Jack was extremely irritable so that probably had to be sooner rather than later. She wasn't sure if Samara would need anything or not but would prepare for it as best she could with no information. And she was sure that Mordin and Tali would tell her if there was something crucial. After taking care of Grunt, she would make sure everyone had spoken their mind on what they wanted or needed.

They were already in route to Tuchanka and she was filled with mixed emotions. She had never been there and was worried her arrival would be greeted in a less than favorable manner. She only hoped she might find Wrex; there had been rumors he was still planet side. If Wrex was there, he could possibly help soften their arrival.

As she conducted her rounds, she thought carefully about who would be on the ground team. Although she wanted Garrus with her, she wasn't sure a turian would be the best person to have with her. Mordin would probably be out of the question and those closely tied with Cerberus would be as well. As amusing as it might be to have Jack along, she didn't need another being with a short temper. In the end, she decided someone familiar with the species would be good and settled on Grunt, Tali. She wanted to bring John but his hand was still injured from his altercation with Garrus. If they found Wrex maybe she could make a second trip planet side with Garrus and John.

"Hey Mordin, how's – " before she could finish her question, Mordin interrupted; he seemed more stressed than usual.

"Shepard, important news. Know you're busy. Have to deal with the Collectors. Planning attack. Too important to wait!" His voice raised in volume, one of the few times he wasn't cool and collected. "Just receiving data, still processing. Analyzing likely scenarios. Still not sure how to begin. Too much intel! You remember my work? Studying the genophage?"

"I remember." Perhaps I was too hasty in thinking I didn't have to worry about Mordin just yet, Jane thought to herself.

"Didn't… tell you full story," Mordin bowed his head. "Discovered krogan population was growing too quickly. Overcoming genophage. Had to… take steps. Personally led a team. Created new version of genophage. Released it on Tuchanka and other colonies. Restabilized krogan populations."

Jane felt the gravity of his confession. Rather than dwelling on it, she figured she would match his way of thinking, "I doubt you wanted to give me a history lesson. What's going on?"

"Blood pack mercenaries captured former team member. Malin. Last seen on Tuchanka. Might torture him. Make an example. Recovering Malin would be a personal favor to me," he nodded his head to her again.

"Do you think they found out your team updated the genophage?"

"Unclear. No way to determine until we get to Tuchanka."

"Well it's a good thing we're already heading there. We'll see if we can find your team member."

"Appreciated. My assistant. My student. Want to see him safe. Malin last seen outside Urdnot territory. Scouts might have seen blood pack. Talk to them or clan chief."

"I know we need to move quickly on this but let me build some rapport with the clan chieftain and get Grunt to be more himself before I have you planet-side. I can't imagine most krogans would be accepting of a salarian on their home planet."

"Understood. Will not bother you further until you call on me. Thank you, Shepard."

Jane nodded, "Let me know if you have a preference for who else you would like on the team." She gestured over to the research panel, more as a courtesy rather than feeling like he needed to know. After approving a number of projects, she turned to head out and continue checking in with other members of her team. She began heading back to the elevator but as she stood in the small box, she hesitated in hitting the button for her quarters. After several moments, she finally made a selection.

In waiting for the doors to open, she wrung her fingers together. Why was she nervous? This could be a very good thing for her. She followed her feet, her nerves creating a lump in her throat. The doors slid open with a quiet hiss when she reached the end of the hallway. She had completely stepped into the room before its resident acknowledged her.

The ethereal voice was quiet and she never moved from her spot. "Shepard. A pleasure. What can I do for you?"

Shepard moved to stand within sight of the asari, switching between crossing her arms and leaving them at her side. "I want to take you up on your offer."

Samara breathed out, releasing the energy in her hands and looking slowly at Shepard, slightly angling her head. She gave an almost imperceptible nod and gestured slightly to the space in front of her. She waited for the human to sit before speaking again. "Humans and asaris are quite different in our perceptions of biotics. Before we begin, I must understand your view on your own."

"From the beginning?" Jane tried to joke about it slightly. Samara showed no expression of amusement and simply nodded. "When my biotics first developed, I saw it as a curse. Something that determined my fate and kept me from having a choice of my own. I tried not to use them in training and was placed in the Vanguard training program with a mid-grade implant. I used them when necessary in battle but never relied on them. Then I..." she hesitated but pushed through her story. It was strange telling someone she barely knew. "I died. Cerberus brought me back and when I first used my biotics from waking up, it was like I had never used them before, they were stronger, different. Miranda claims nothing was done to change me besides using the correct level implant and removed my old one."

"And you try to ignore your biotics."

It was not lost on Jane that it wasn't a question but the statement that was true. She nodded.

"You do not see your biotics as something that is part of you. Rather than something beneficial, you feel them to be a nuisance. Something that stands in your way and tries to drag you down." She waited for Shepard to nod in agreement. "Forget what you know about your biotics. What were once true, are now false. You cannot fight or restrain your power or it will fight back. Embrace it."

Wow, just that easy, huh? Shepard thought sarcastically. Of course she would never say it aloud to the justicar.

The asari put her hands out, palms up and nodded. Jane placed her hands above Samara's.

"Channel your biotics. Gather it from all over your body and place it into your hands."

"That doesn't normally turn out too well for me." Jane expected to hear an explanation but the asari closed her eyes and waited. "Okay..." she muttered as she closed her eyes. Slowly, she began feeling the energy throughout her body, collecting it little by little and pushing more and more into her hands.

Samara could feel the energy coming from the Spectre. She could feel the human woman slowly building the energy; the more that accumulated, the heavier it felt to her. There was pain in Shepard's energy; guilt and trauma gave it a different feel and weight than Samara was typically exposed to. Time passed as more and more energy built between them. Several minutes had gone by and the level of energy that had built surprised Samara. It wasn't often that she felt this level from a human. Although her eyes were not seeing the environment, her senses could see the pull being enacted on Shepard's body; the commander's hands began to tremble. "Shepard?" she quietly asked.

"My hands," Jane whispered, trying to keep her concentration, beads of sweat forming on her skin, "it feels like they're on fire. I can't tell if that's everything."

The asari could see that it wasn't but didn't want to push the commander on her first attempt, "Now, bring the energy back into you. Slowly. Place it with purpose."

Jane struggled to transfer the energy in the opposite direction; this was definitely not something she was used to. All her biotic training in the Alliance was focused on general control and never so meditative. She groaned, the burning from her hands spread along her body wherever she took in a shaky breath.

"Keep going. Do not let it consume you," Samara said in a stern voice. She watched the biotic energy flow back into the human and it seemed to ignite and flow like fire more than the fluid electricity that most biotics appeared. That was certainly unique.

"I… I don't know if I can," Shepard rasped as her voice drifted off. The exhaustion caused Jane to lose her concentration and her eyes cracked open. The blue light that came into the cracks of her eyes was nearly blinding and Jane started to panic. "Fuck, fuck fuck..." she muttered aloud.

"Stay calm. Keep going."

Jane squeezed her eyes shut again and tried to pull the energy back. Her trembling hands began to shake, and the shaking began to spread to her arms. The fear of losing control began to take hold of her again. She imagined the energy getting away from her, blowing a hole in the ship, her crew being in danger and her… spaced again. The icy grip of her memory clutched at her heart causing her fears to bubble to the surface. She whispered, "I can't," before pulling back the rest of her biotic energy back into her. The sudden influx of energy consumed her, blowing her backward, causing her head to crack into the floor but she hardly noticed with the burning throughout her entire body. "Gaaah!" she sucked in a breath, her hands and arms curling in towards her torso. Her vision blurred from the pain, blue light creeping in. She could vaguely hear words being spoken around her.

"Shepard!" Samara sternly spoke as she leaned over the human's body. Putting her hands over Shepard, Samara absorbed some of the energy to ease the power coursing through the human's body.

Jane could feel the power subsiding though the burning wasn't relieved; it was over every inch of her body. Closing her eyes she tried to focus on a single point; one aspect she could draw strength from as she tried to level out her biotics. Time dragged until she finally managed to reduce the pain to a dull sizzle as she panted on the floor.

"Shepard. Answer me."

"I'm fine, Samara," Jane slowly opened her eyes and saw the asari stone-faced above her. "Sorry, I couldn't hang on to it." She sat up, hunching over slightly.

"Do not apologize. I shall accompany you to the med-bay."

"No. I'm fine," Jane sat up and took a deep breath, running her hands over her hair, her fingers trembling. "I'm sorry for putting you at risk. I appreciate everything you did to help me."

"You should continue with training. It will get easier over time. I do request you return."

"Thank you," Jane sat up a little straighter. "I will. I need to get this under control. Maybe it will be easier after a few missions."

Samara nodded, "Alert me when you are ready to resume."

Jane nodded then stood and exited the room. The doors shut and she paused, closing her eyes and gently rubbing the back of her head. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself and made her way to John's quarters.

The doors opened and Jane came to a halt once she walked through, "Oh, sorry," she apologized. John and Tali were sitting near each other and adjusted slightly upon Shepard entering the room.

"Shepard," Tali greeted, "sorry, I'll head back to engineering."

Jane waved her hand, "No, please, there's no rush. How are you both doing?"

John relaxed back in his seat, "Not too bad, though glad to be back in flight. I think I was getting a little restless back on the Citadel."

"I think a lot of us were," Jane replied and purposefully dodged his question.

"Have you decided who will be on the first team?" Tali inquired. "I would like to see Wrex again, assuming he is there."

"Oh yeah, I definitely want to see that big blockhead," John laughed.

"Nothing definitive yet but I'll let you know soon. Sorry, John, you definitely won't be on any missions. Your hand is still screwed up."

"Oh, come on! I can still do this," he mimicked a trigger motion with finger though the rest of his hand was still stabilized in a brace.

Jane shook her head, "Either way, Chakwas hasn't cleared you."

"Aw, come on. Why don't we have technology that instantly heals us?"

"Wasn't it not too long in your history that an injury like that would take weeks to heal?" Tali questioned, unsure if she had misremembered.

"Thank you, Tali," Jane smugly looked at her brother. "You'll be healed up soon enough. Maybe just don't have a temper tantrum next time," she smirked as she turned to leave, "I'll see you guys later."

"It wasn't a temper tantrum!" John yelled as she left the room. He looked over at Tali, "She seemed off to you, right?"

"Yes, I wonder what is wrong. She seemed in a hurry to leave."

"Probably just feeling awkward with the two of us in here," John grinned at Tali.

"She can join the club."

"Wow, I'm hurt."

"No!" she chuckled awkwardly, "I mean, it's a little odd to be here. Like this. With you. Not that I don't like it!" She tapped her fingers together. "I guess… I don't know what to do."

"We're just hanging out," he smiled at her when she turned her head to look at him. He placed his hand over hers in the hope of calming her nerves. "Tell me more about the Flotilla. Was it nice being home?"

Tali smiled behind her mask, he was making it so easy on her.

Jane sat, picking at her food as Garrus sat across from her, finishing his. They would be arriving at Tuchanka within the day and she hadn't discussed the ground team with anyone. Grunt hadn't said anything to her so she would need to let people know now. "So, when we go planet-side," Jane started.

"You don't think it would be wise to have me on the team, right?" Garrus said with an understanding smile, looking up from his meal. Jane met his gaze with a sorrowful look. "Don't worry, I get it. There's plenty of other people who aren't turian that has a lower chance of inciting a riot with a bunch of unfamiliar krogan on their homeworld."

"Thank you for being understanding," she smiled in relief at his understanding. "I gave Grunt the option of picking who would come with us be he hasn't said anything yet."

"Don't be too quick to thank me. If you do find Wrex, I want a chance to see him again. And if there is a chance of killing some of the predators down there – especially a thresher maw – I expect you to send for me. You know I don't want to miss that shit."

"No promises," she laughed. He looked at her with a pleading expression. "Don't give me that look! If Grunt doesn't want you there, I can't force him."

"Maybe I'll have to have a chat with the young krogan," he smirked. After several moments of silence, he spoke again, "How's the new translator working?"

"I feel like I'm hearing a lot more things, but it's hard to differentiate between everything. And I don't even think you've used your subharmonics around me since I got it."

He chuckled, "I know you must adjust to it. I didn't want you to get overwhelmed."

"I think I can handle it. Besides, I have to start learning sometime."

"Alright," he smirked. He loosened the control he held.

She closed her eyes, "I hear something. It's a humming noise, it almost sounds like a song." She looked at him again. "Am it supposed to give me a translation or is this where the learning begins?"

"Learning unfortunately for you. That is happiness." He moved closer to her and pressed his forehead to hers. The subharmonics changed, "This is love." He heard her sigh and could feel her smile. Her hand touched his face, and he pulled her into his lap in response. His hands roamed over her as he nuzzled her neck. "This is desire or wanting."

The deep rumbling of his subharmonics hypnotized her. She could get used to learning this way.