Facing Your Fears

Taylor had always heard it was necessary to face what you're afraid of. Heck, even Mom had told her that a couple of times whenever she didn't want to do something like go into school and face the local mean girls.

Then she was kidnapped, and Taylor understood what fear really was.

What did he want with her?

What did he want with April?

He was going to kill her when he found out he wasn't April.

WHAT ARE THEY

They don't want people knowing they exist, and she's seen them

It wasn't until much later that she realised they had gone out of their way to make her comfortable. They hadn't kept her restrained, and Donnie had scanned her injuries; they hadn't threatened or intimidated her.

Not even Leo had threatened her (and April had told Taylor about her first encounter with the turtles).

But she hadn't noticed that at the time, because she was still terrified. Yet she had an opportunity to run when Splinter left her alone to speak to Raph and she didn't take it.

(She wondered why she didn't.)

Do not let my son's actions have power over you.

It was easy to hear Splinter's words, but actually carrying them out? That was a completely different matter.

But she'd chosen to stay in the flat. She chose not to run, even though they knew where she lived, and she knew they knew.

"You've got our backs, and we've got yours."

Leo's words did reassure her a little, but not by much and the truth is, what Raph did was having power over her a little bit because she was still scared. She didn't feel as if she could run – she didn't want to run – but standing and facing her fears wasn't any easier.

Fleeing meant giving Raph power, and she'd still have to live with what happened. It would always be there, in the shadows. They would always be there.

Or she could stay where she was and face them in the light.

There's facing your fears, and there's living with them.

The confrontation with Raph had been…a release. When she unleashed everything that she'd been feeling and keeping back, and finally broken down and cried, she did feel a little lighter, especially after hearing Leo's apology as well.

(Much later, she was to witness just how angry Raph could be and was so, so relieved he hadn't lashed out at her then. He so easily could have.

But he'd knelt and bowed before her and then hugged her.)

Living with the turtles changed everything. Taylor got to see them for who they were, and it was hard to keep her distance then. She spent time with them and talked to them (most of them), and slowly the fear ebbed away.

It's hard to be afraid of someone when you're offering to water his bonsai trees, or when he's splitting an Orange Crush with you, or when he's talking so enthusiastically about his latest project that he just can't stop talking, or maybe, just maybe, when he's having fun with his family and keeping an eye on them, just to make sure they're OK.

"Look, you got the chance to live a normal life. Just…just don't be ordinary. You deserve better than that. And even if we never see you again after this, any time you need us, we'll be there. Because that's what family's for."

She'd been accepted, and the offer of a family was there if she wanted it.

That evening, as she'd sat with April, Casey, Splinter and the turtles, talking, laughing and eating pizza, she realised that forgiveness was freeing.

"I'd like to stay. If you'll have me."

And she was welcome.