Melancholic

Chapter 1

Alec's POV

(contains self harm and suicidal thoughts)

My life is effectively over. It's been over for years. I'm tired—no, I'm exhausted. They see my pain, and they don't care. Not even my sister. But she's gone—she lets them beat me. She's always had tough skin, and she's strong. When they burned us, I wanted the pain to stop. She wanted to burn them. I admired her for her strength.

Aro doesn't need me, not really. He wants Jane. I'm just Jane's accessory, something she insists on keeping—like a ring or a bracelet. But I just want to die.

I'm sitting on the floor of the shower now, the water running around me. I raise my arm to my mouth. I want to feel this. I don't dull my senses. I bite down, and for once, I feel real.

When I get out of the shower minutes later, my arms and legs are covered in fresh bites. Over the years, my skin has become a mosaic of pain. My newest mark is from the sledgehammer beating Felix gave me. One downside of being a vampire—the torture is ten times more unbearable. My body is covered in ugly, cracked, blue-black skin. My wounds heal slowly and never completely. I am broken, inside and out.

I dress quickly, hissing in pain. My shift is soon. I don't bother with my robe—just a long-sleeved shirt, pants, and gloves to cover the bites. Not that anyone would care. They still burn, but I grit my teeth. I need this pain. I deserve it—for being so weak. I am a burden. To Jane. To Aro. To our mother, before I was turned. And for what? The things I've done—the murders, the lives I've ruined—all for the sake of avoiding worse pain.

I choke back the knot in my throat. I am pathetic. My vision blurs, but now is not the time.

I make my way into the throne room. Demetri and Felix stand in their usual spots by the door. Marcus and Caius sit on their thrones, while Aro and Jane stand over a young girl—a newborn, by the looks of it. She's screaming.

I walk quickly to Jane's side. She turns to me with that cruel smile of hers.

"Alec, behold," she says, gesturing to the girl. "This is the one who has been healing humans down in Russia. Felix and Demetri brought her in this morning."

I nod. The girl is young—maybe sixteen. She's crying, begging for her life.

Aro raises his hand, signaling her release. Jane nods, and suddenly, the room is filled only with the girl's ragged breaths as she shakily gets to her feet.

Aro smiles slowly and turns to me.

"Now, Alec, this one has been threatening our safety by healing humans with her gift. Kill her."

"No, please," she sobs. "It was only my father, I swear. Please don't kill me."

I take a step back instinctively. That is a mistake.

Pain flashes through me—terrible, awful pain. My sister's punishment for my weakness. She still thinks I can be made like her. This life has changed her. It broke me.

I collapse to my knees as she steps beside me, grabbing my hair and forcing me to look at the sobbing girl.

"She's why you hurt, Alec," Jane whispers. "Kill her. It will stop if you just kill her. Then it's over. Be strong."

I stand, and this time, I don't hesitate.

The sobbing stops.

When it's over, I am allowed back to my room. Aro is in a good mood today. Usually, I would be beaten—or worse—for hesitating like that.

My room is dark. I quickly take off my shirt and grab the bottle from my nightstand. It takes a lot to get a vampire drunk, but I am determined. That's all I need—to get wasted.

In the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror. The quiet, warm darkness of my room surrounds me.

"Unloved and weak," I whisper to my reflection.

A boy stares back—black hair sticking to his forehead, strands covering his eyes. I stare for a long time, the bottle forgotten. The silence is deafening.

Suddenly, I start punching. My anger, my rage—pouring into every strike. The mirror shatters, but I don't stop until my fists hit the stone behind it.

I fall back, my hand a mangled mess. I'm panting, and I just can't take it anymore.

I shut off my senses.

It's not the oblivion of sleep, but it's close.

And if I could, I would live like this—a world of my own. No pain. No feeling. Just the warmth of oblivion.

The great witch twin of the Volturi.

If only our enemies could see me now.

--

The next day, I wake up reluctantly.

It gets harder, in the hypnotic void. Harder to remember I'm even alive. Luckily, I remember quickly—I haven't yet lost myself completely. But I get closer every day.

Every time I do it.

And there's always the fear of what they would do to me if they found me like this.

Lazy sunlight pours into my room, onto my face. I squint and roll over. I'm on the floor. No headache, of course. But I wouldn't mind a little pain right now—something to distract me from the hell of my life. At least a headache would be nothing compared to what I've experienced.

There's a knock on the door.

I pull on a t-shirt and open it to see Heidi standing there. I avoid eye contact, but I can sense her smile—sadistic, suggestive. Heidi is worse than the others.

Sometimes, the things she makes me do leave me limping for days.

"Yes?" I say quietly.

"Aro wants to see you. With the others. In his office."

I nod, and she's gone.

I close the door and grab more proper clothes. Another knock. I open the door again. This time, it's my sister.

I avoid her eyes and wait.

After a moment, she speaks. "Let's go."

Curt and cold. That's my sister.

I nod and follow her to Aro's office.

Aro likes having meetings here rather than in the throne room. Probably because these meetings don't involve Marcus and Caius. Aro loves secrets. Not that this is confidential—he just enjoys undermining their power. Almost as much as he enjoys hurting people.

Demetri and Felix are waiting outside when we arrive.

Jane is in a relationship with Felix. She likes how ruthless he is, I suppose. Or maybe she likes how he beats her weak brother.

I stay at the back of the group as we enter Aro's office, hiding behind Felix and Demetri.

Aro stands from behind his imposing desk.

"You're all going to Forks to help with a newborn army that's threatening the Cullens."

Jane's face twists in disgust. "Why should we help them? They told a human about us."

"I know," Aro says matter-of-factly. "So you're going to wait until after the newborns attack to help out."

Now Jane is smiling.

This was expected. Of course, Aro would do something like this.

I feel bad for the Cullens.

But what can I do?

Aro continues, "And this time…" He avoids Jane's gaze. "If the Swan girl remains unchanged, then, you and alec will stay with the Cullens until such a time as she is turned."

"What?!" Jane screams.

Aro takes a step back at her intensity. Felix places a hand on her shoulder, but she brushes it off.

"You expect us to stay with the *vegetarians*?"

Aro nods and raises a hand to silence her.

"Listen, Jane. It's simple. The Cullens might not change her. I touched Edward, remember? I was in his mind. He doesn't want to turn her. And the others? They might not have the strength to resist. Carlisle, maybe—but he won't do it unless Edward says so."

Jane is scowling, but it's better than her previous expression of pure rage.

Aro continues, "So, Alec and Jane, you will stay with them and monitor them until she is changed. But if they all die in the newborn attack…" He shrugs. "I suppose it doesn't matter."

Silence.

And then I find myself speaking.

"When do we leave?"

swear ill update hope you enjoyed