Toujours Pur Chapter 3, a harry potter fanfic

AN: Hopefully, this chapter will answer some questions though given the state of one of the character's sanity you might have more questions in answers. Trigger alert for abuse and miscarriage discussion. Again, I appreciate those who have added this story and reviews. I have updated my profile page with the ages and relations of the characters though some of it is explained here. Fourth one probably won't come out until next weekend at the earliest.

Chapter 3: Of Babies , Crucios, and Crazy Ass Bitches

Bellatrix Black had her first moment of clarity in over a decade. When she woke up, she didn't exactly know where she was for a moment why it was so cold. The last thing she remembered was holding her clutching her stomach as the spell hit her.

"My baby!"

She remembered feeling excruciating ridiculous pain as a part of her soul being ripped from her and then…and then…nothing.

Baby…baby…

Her and Sirius's baby.

Bile went up her throat thinking about her husband. Husband? No, not the blood traitor. She was married to that pounce.

But no matter how much she tried to rationalize that she kept thinking how wrong she was as she remembered when Mother had told her she would be marrying the blood—Sirius—she had been ten at the time.

"He's my cousin, Mother." She was aghast, "And he's younger than me. I can't marry a baby."

"He's only six months younger than you. Closer to your age than Andromeda's." Mother said. "And it's not uncommon for a pureblood to marry their cousin. It's not like we're the Gaunts. They married their own siblings for Merlin's sake. You really should pay more attention to your ancestry studies, Bellatrix."

That was unfortunately true. The part about marrying cousins, not studying stupid family trees. She knew that they weren't exactly first cousins. No, first cousins once removed or maybe it was second cousins. Bellatrix was never good at that part of family tree thing that was more of Mother's specialty and later Cissy's. She just knew her father was Uncle Orion's nephew. And she was forced to spend every Christmas with Uncle Orion and his family—Aunt Walburga, Baby Regulus, and Sirius.

Of course, it wasn't for family togetherness or tradition like she thought it might've been for. It was for her family to get a higher position in the family and for money and blood to stay in the family.

How foolish of her.

The boy was a menace. He didn't show a single ounce of decorum. He had stolen Narcissa's doll the last time they were there and transfigured it into a newt. Grant it, Cissy sort of deserved it for being annoying wanting to play tea all the time, but she was only seven. Seven-year-olds couldn't help but be annoying, a nine-year-old should know that. Besides, no one stole her sister's dolls and got away with it.

Which is how he ended up having his hair turned green with silver tips when Bella may have managed to get a hold of Mother's wand while she and Aunt Walburga were talking about her new hideous troll umbrella stand.

Who knew part of her punishment would be to be told she was going to marry that brat.

Neither of them had wanted to marry each other. But their parents had made it clear that there was no other option.

"A blood contract has been signed by the family."

"I didn't sign it," seventeen soon to be eighteen year-old Bella said. She still couldn't believe Mother was pushing this nonsense after all these years.

"It doesn't matter YOU will sign it before the ceremony and so will he.""And if I don't?"

She never even had chance to raise her wand to defend herself. Foolish her she should've realized what Mother was capable of.

"CRUCIO!"

Mother had always loved using that curse. Bella never understood (at least then) why. It was hard to believe how willy nilly she threw the unforgivable. And on her own children.

That day wasn't the first time Bella had been under the cruciatus curse either, but it was probably the longest she had ever been held under the curse and it was the most vicious.

It was even worse than when she had refused to go to healing school, and she had been in so much pain that day she finally caved to Mother and gave up on the apprenticeship that Professor Flitwick had offered her.

How she hated healing school. It wasn't that she wasn't good at it. She understood the potions and spells she was being taught, but she'd much rather have been a professional duelist. That had been her dream.

A dream her parents killed like everything else.

She'd be stronger this time, she kept telling herself. There was no way she'd sign a blood contract and be stuck with—with her cousin. Yes, he might not be an annoying little brat who stole dolls anymore, but he was still an annoying Gryffindor who followed that idiot James Potter like a lost puppy.

She remembered screaming all afternoon. She still refused to sign it. It happened again. And again. Until after the fifth time they finally broke her. She remembered she couldn't stop crying or shaking for days. Not until Father put her under the Imeprius for the ceremony when Mother's threats about putting her under the Cruciatus again didn't work.

"Besides, Druella, if you curse her again, she might be drooling at the wedding. And that will not do at all." Orion said prior to cursing Bella.

"You know your Imperius won't hold for long." Her mother smarted off. "She'll fight back. She always does."

"Her resolve is a little weakened because of you, pet. It will hold for the ceremony and consummation."

"But what if?

"It will be too late to do anything. Besides, you've been having the elf give her those potions, right?"

Potions what potions?

"Of course, every damn day since we made this arrangement" Druella said. "But there's still a slight chance it might not take."

Had they been feeding her fertility potions? She almost felt sick at the thought, but it hurt to much to say or do anything.

"Double the strength then." Father said much to her horror. "She'll even be more compliant into taking them now. The sooner she has an heir the better."

"But…" Druella started to say then stopped herself. "Yes, I'll have Whisky increase the dosage."

He then glared at the twitching Bella before muttering the curse.

Usually, she could fight off Father's curse. But she had succumbed almost instantly. The pain was too much to fight. She faded into the sweet delirium that was the curse and the twitching stopped—at least until after the Imperius faded. Then it had taken months for her hands to stop shaking.

She never asked Sirius how they got him to sign the contract and come to the ceremony or afterwards, but she didn't need to the look on his face said it all. Both of their parents had been determined to make this union happen no matter the cost.

Bella really didn't remember much about her wedding it had always been a bit of a haze for her. It was probably in part to being exposed to two unforgivables during the ceremony.

She had been so serene. So passive. Which wasn't that big of a surprise.

Mother had her beautician come and make her over because she might as well get Bella to look how she wanted while she was under control. Her hair had been temporary tamed, stiffened, and pinned into an elaborate but tight looking top knot like her aunt would wear. Not one of her curls would escape from this monstrosity. Not that she would expect it would given the amount of Sleekeazy that was poured in her hair after it had been permanently colored a dark blue-black. The rest of her had also been altered. Her skin had also been painfully lightened to a respectable pureblood parlor. The freckles she collected from various summers of sneaking out were now gone for good. Her eyelashes lengthened, her lips reddened, her eyes lined and made up. She looked like one of Narcissa's old dolls which would've been bad enough if it hadn't been for the getup she had been put in.

She still remembered those awful Victorian wedding robes and that heinous tiara after all these years. She felt ridiculous like a zombie, but she said her vows like a good little girl. He said his vows almost as robotically as she did.

The ceremony really wasn't necessary. The blood contract that both of them were forced to sign had sealed the deal. The wedding was more of a formality and for their parents to rub into society that the house of Black would stay pure for yet another generation. But there she was looking like a scared dolly….

Scared dolly….her a scared dolly…never her…

She frowned as she sat back in her cell when she someone call her Lestrange.

What on Earth…why was she in Azkaban?

Maybe she truly lost it and finally killed her family. That would show them. Marry her off to her annoying cousin.

But her baby.

Their baby.

Baby.

She didn't understand.

"Lestrange, why aren't you screaming your head off for your lord? Finally, given up have you?"

Lestrange?

She thought of the Lestrange brothers one of them was known as the male whore of Slytherin. His promiscuity was almost as legendary as his sadism. She remembered that one little third year Hufflepuff went missing and he had bragged about feeding him to the thestrals in the common room.

"Lestrange? Are you still in there or have the dementors finally gotten you?"

Years of self-preservation told her not to turn around and not to respond, to remain unresponsive. At least until she could figure out what was going on and throw out Crucio!

Crucio!

Why was she thinking about Mother's favorite spell? She hated that curse. No, she loved it. The power she felt when she casted it. She could throw that curse out all day…

Crucio!

She felt her arm being grabbed as she turned to see an auror looking at her. She didn't recognize him. Probably was a stupid mudblood.

"Do you have to use that word?"

"It's not like you haven't ever used it before." She rolled her eyes at him. They were the same color as his—the signature Black eyes—but they were different. Hers were shaped more like mother's as were Cissy's and Andi's. Cat like. His looked nicer somehow. Then again, she thought everything about him looked nice when he wasn't talking about his stupid friend and his girlfriend.

"She's my friend."

"She only tolerates you because of Potter." Bella snapped.

And that was her being nice. She was pretty sure Evans hated Siri. She knew she hated her. She saw the sneers she snuck at her and the little barbs she made when she didn't think Siri was paying attention. The feeling was completely mutual.

For some reason, she could never like Lily Evans or Potter as she was about to become. Still couldn't get over that. All it took was for Slimy Sev to call her one little name and she dropped him like a hot potato. Bella would've felt bad for the guy if he wasn't such a jerk.

She still halfway believed that Evans wouldn't go through with it that this was some sick game of hers to win Slimy Sev back, but he was much more concerned hanging out with her parents' snake face friend.

Bella shuddered at the thought of that imposter. Her parents thought they could lure her over to join that moron's side by having her learn a couple of parlor tricks from him. Now, they cared about her ambitions. At least when they weren't harping about her lack of children.

She frowned putting her hand on her empty womb. How many more…how many more would they lose? She thought of that sad little garden they had for them. A rose bush for each child lost. How many was it now? Four...

The first being all those years ago. A result of their disastrous wedding night. Who knew that that loss would've been what had brought them together.

Her thoughts were broken when she was dragged into one of the rooms that they kept on the island for the rare interrogation. She still didn't understand how she was there though the occasional flash of laughing hit her, her laughter?

Baby….

Crucio!

Baby….

Crucio!

"Lestrange," The auror said again. "Sorry, she's unresponsive. Usually, she's one of the louder ones."

"That's alright, Dawlish." A cloaked figure said. "I only need a few minutes of her time anyway."

"Sit," Dawlish said to her a chair instantly appeared next to her. She complied. It felt like the first time she had sit in a chair in years. Even with her arms instantly being manacled to it, she felt a weird sense of comfort almost.

"Have to keep her restrained," The auror said. "Never know what they'll do. Would it be okay if I stepped out to get a hot chocolate?"

The figure nodded. "Can't blame you. This place is depressing."

"Luscious Lucius." Bella said in a sing song voice recognizing the voice after Dawlish had left.

"Well, you're at least not mute." Lucius stated as he took his hood off.

He still looked as pretty as ever. That was one thing she and Siri agreed on was that Lucius spent as much on beauty products as that Gilderoy Lockhart fellow. She wondered if that fool was still writing stupid fairy-tales. He was always such a hack…

"Sign these," Luscious Lucius said throwing her some papers.

What did he think she was some sort of dog? Besides she doubted she could even write she wanted…no needed to curse something. Someone.

Crucio!

"Lestrange," he hissed.

She didn't look up. "Your boyfriend's not here."

He ignored her quip about Rodolphus, he never took the bait. Blast him. She knew he was devoted to Cissy sickening as that was. Such a pretty couple.

"Bellatrix, sign the damn papers."

There was an edge to his voice now, he clearly wanted those papers signed. There was a blood quill next to her.

" Now will you sign, daughter."

"Mother I…." She was shaking all over. Everything hurt.

"I have given you everything in life, Bellatrix. The one thing you can do is do this for your family. You are not a stupid girl."

"I told you I don't want to marry him. I'll never sign."

"I guess you'll just keep having to learn the hard way. It's only the fifth time I've had to use it today. Perhaps we should make this one sting a little more. CRUCIO!"

"Just sign them," Lucious Lucius said again. "Dawlish doesn't have all day and neither do I."

"That's a blood quill."

"Obviously," Luscious Lucius stated clearly not impressed that she was able to identify the blood quill on the table.

"Last time there was a blood quill… Crucio! Crucio! " She trailed off for a second as the thoughts left her head. Nothing was real. Was there a baby? Why was she called Lestrange? Why was she in Azkaban?

"Bellatrix." He snapped pulling her out of her delirium if only for a second.

"What am I signing for, Lucius?" She stated it was probably the sanest she sounded in a long time. Not that she knew that.

"It's for Narcissa to handle your affairs," He stated.

"My affairs?"

"There are some things with the Black estate that need to be settled." Lucius stated.

She guessed that meant her parents were dead. She should throw a party. If she had a wand she bet she could perform a patronus that would be a first…

She wondered what her patronus would look like. She bet it would be a dog. She liked dogs. Nice big black dogs.

She once got a dog a collar. Snuffles. Snuffles got a collar.

She remembered laughing when she gave it to him.

"Now everyone will know you're mine."

"Oh, I think they're well aware of that already." He said rolling his eyes, "Our parents' made that clear years ago."

"Siri." She said, "That's not what I meant. I…I…"

"I know, Bella. Me too."

What the hell was that. She went ahead and just signed the damn documents that Lucious Lucius gave her without questioning him further. Narcissa probably would be the best one to handle her affairs out of anyone in the family….her husband…no Lestrange. Lestrange the ponce of Slytherin….not her husband…that was fake!

Cruico!

Crucio!

She hadn't even realized she signed the paper. The next thing she knew she was back in her cell and Luscious Lucius was gone.

There was not enough hot bath water in the world to get the chill and stink of Azkaban off his bones. But he had gotten what seemed to be next to impossible, Bellatrix had signed the paperwork transferring the custody of the boy to him and Narcissa.

Without much fuss at that.

He grimaced as he thought of his sister in-law. Crazy ass bitch. Though she seemed slightly less unhinged today which was surprising since it was Azkaban.

She also didn't seem to respond to Lestrange all the time either, he wondered…no one knew how that part of the puzzle fit. He wondered how much the loon knew. Not that it mattered. The bitch would be in prison the rest of her life and rightfully so.

He still remembered the terror she raged even amongst her fellow Death Eaters like himself. Oh, how he had hated that blasted tattoo on his arm. He wished he had known that that megalomaniac was a half-blood when Father had essentially offered him to Riddle on a silver platter maybe then he wouldn't have a had to pay for obscene amount of money to have his arm chopped up and regrown not to have to deal with him.

He knew Riddle was still out there. He wasn't stupid. He recognized what that book was when it was given to him. Especially after hearing that poor Regulus had been given something similar before meeting his demise.

The bloody book had helped him get a pretty good deal from the ministry though when it came to his trial, not that that had been published in the record. Or anyone knew that was the real reason he got off with a slap on the wrist, not the Imperio defense that had been plastered in the papers. Though Father may have thrown the Imperius curse at him a few times as well—not that changed anything he still had done his fair amount of terror during the first war.

"Luc, are you in there?" Narcissa called.

She soon came into the bathroom and undid her robe before joining him in the large tub that made the pool in the prefect's bathroom at Hogwarts look like a mere puddle.

She looked exhausted.

He wasn't surprised. She was barely at home for the past few weeks much like him. He hadn't even noticed she had cut her hair. It was shorter than his now, yet the lob oddly suited her. It emphasized her gorgeous long neck. At the very least, it no longer frizzing which he knew she hated. He knew it reminded her of that bitch he visited today.

Lucius knew that the reason she fully had taken the Malfoy hair color all those years ago. It wasn't that she had fully embraced their bond like she told him, he knew she had done that years ago. No. It was a way to rid herself of the shame that was her family. He didn't blame her; he felt the same about his own family most days. Only unlike hers, they were mercifully dead.

He guessed he could thank that bitch for one thing. She had gotten rid of Abraxas for him.

"Ooh, you used the new eucalyptus bubbles." Narcissa said as she sank into the hot bath water with him.

He nodded not knowing what he had poured into the water just that it wasn't Narcissa's usual intoxicating lavender scent.

"I needed it after…well, today."

Narcissa sighed, "I take it you saw her then?"

"I did. I'm surprised you're not with Harry."

It felt weird calling the boy, Harry, even though he knew that was his name. He still couldn't rationalize that the Boy Who Lived was the spawn of Bellatrix and Sirius Black.

"Andromeda is there and they have him resting up for the next procedure."

Lucius grimaced as he thought about the injuries that the boy had sustained. He had already been in St. Mungo's for a couple of weeks now and it just seemed like it was procedure after procedure with that poor boy.

"Do I even want to know?"

She nodded. "It's his left leg. It's not as bad as the right one, but it's been broken a couple of times already before the troll and there was no way it could be reset without removing the bones and doing a skelegrow regime because of….I forget you are not a healer."

He smiled. "I bet St. Mungo's has missed your presence."

She shrugged. Like Andromeda she had worked at the hospital before she had Draco. However, due to the difficult pregnancy she had moved into private practice. Healing was one of the few careers that Druella found perfectly acceptable for her daughters. Lady like. It made Lucius roll his eyes and he was one for propriety.

His mother in-law as big of a piece of work as his father. Luckily, both Narcissa and Andromeda liked healing. In fact, Narcissa loved it. He remembered that Bellatrix wanting to be a dueling champion had always gotten on Druella's nerves. Until Tom Riddle that was….

Riddle smirked when he had watched Bellatrix duel for the first time, it still made Lucius shudder.

"I want her." He said to Druella and Cygnus. "Make it happen."

"Of course, my lord."

She was his deadliest lieutenant less than a year later.

"We're thinking that it may a good time to move him before we deal with the damage to his organs. " Narcissa said as in that being his cue if he had gotten Bellatrix to sign the paperwork.

"She signed them."

She nodded and bit her lip, a rarity for her but he always knew she did this when she exceptionally nervous. "How was she?"

"Better than I would've thought."

"But bad." Narcissa said, "It's Azkaban….I know."

He nodded. "She can still speak."

"And apparently use a blood quill." Narcissa stated, "Did she say anything about Harry?"

Lucius shook his head. "I didn't bring it up. I told her the papers were to handle Black family affairs. I didn't think you'd want her knowing."

"He's her son, but it's probably for the best." Narcissa shuddering at thinking what her insane sister would do if she saw Harry in this state. She was only his aunt and there were days she thought she was going to lose her mind with all that that poor boy had suffered.

"Do you need me to turn on the heat?"

She nodded not really listening to him, but he turned it on anyway. He was still chilled from Azkaban.

"You didn't talk to him, did you?" She said referring to Bella's husband.

It was hard to bring up Sirius's name in a way more than Bella.

Black's downfall had been especially shameful. Now to think he had betrayed his own son made it even more vile.

He shook his head. "No, I was in one of the interrogation rooms. The dementors are not near as bad there."

"Do you think they're even aware of each other's presence?"

He wasn't sure. Bellatrix didn't say one word about Black. Not that he had really expected to. Then again, he had barely been able to talk to the witch.

It was cold.

It was always cold even with fur, and it didn't help he was covered in fleas.

He was finally losing his mind.

Her as his wife?

Her.

Crazy ass bitch.

His freaking cousin—though once removed admittedly—and it really wasn't that rare for pureblood families. His parents had been actual first cousins.

But still that crazy ass bitch.

But she wasn't crazy in his dreams. No, she seemed relatively sane. Not like the woman he remembered. The woman who had terrorized him and cursed poor Lily.

She always hated Lily.

He frowned wondering why the fuck he thought that.

He really was losing it.

Honestly, he was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. For a little more than ten years he had been here. He never had a trial.

Not that it mattered.

He knew he could request one. He had the right and that was one of the reasons he was in this unit and not mixed with the general population. But it didn't matter.

It matters.

For so many years he felt like he deserved to be here. He betrayed James and Lily. Not like Peter did, but he should've done something.

Your life matters. Fight!

That voice wasn't his. It sounded like hers…not really hers because she would never have sounded that sane. Besides, she would've just told him he was a blood traitor and deserved to die.

That sounded so wrong…

"Bloody hell, Siri, are you trying to get yourself killed? You're not a fighter."

"I can hold myself up just fine in battle."

"You couldn't last five minutes with me." She hissed.

He laughed, "No one can hold themselves with you except…"

They both knew who he was referring to.

Her cat like eyes looked at him, "James put pressure on you to do this, didn't he?"

"Bella…"

"Look at me," She said.

He stared into her eyes. The same color as his but so different.

"Don't do this to us." She said, "Don't do this to our baby."

Baby?

She had no child.

He had no child.

They were in St. Mungo's. He was in healer robes of all things. He must be going crazy. There was no way that he had ever been a healer. Lilly had always been the healer of the group.

Yet, he knew what he was doing oddly enough. Knew what all the symbols and numbers were he was looking at, as he checked Bella's vitals knowing that they had lost yet another child.

Their sixth.

This one had lasted longer than the others. She had made it to the second trimester. Barely.

Damn her parents and that wretched potion they had given her so long ago. Sure, it made conception very easy, but it also increased the risk for miscarriage. The fact it was still affecting her system all these years later made him wonder how much they had been feeding her.

Probably every day since Father and Mother agreed to make her his bride at the ripe old age of ten for her.

"I'm sorry." He heard himself telling her.

She shook her head. "It's the third one this year."

"Bella."

"They're not going to accept this."

"We don't have to tell them." Knowing she was referring to their parents. "I don't give a rat's ass what they want."

She gave him a look. "You know it's not that easy."

"You almost died." He remembered finding her on the floor of their home. She had lost so much blood. Had he not come home early from his shift at St. Mungo's early she would've been dead.

She shook her head. "Siri…you know they don't care about that. They want their heir."

"And I want you."

Wanted her?

That crazy bitch? Was he out of his fucking mind?

But as he kept trying to reconcile the crazy ass woman he knew. He kept having odd dreams. Dreams about her.

It was truly a way to become insane.

He didn't know what he would do if he saw her right now. Heard her cackling and then to have a dream where she seemed almost normal…

He wasn't married.

And not married to her.

Usually, it was better when he was a dog. But now he'd have a freaking memory of her putting a collar on him and laughing.

And it wasn't the usual insane cackle that he associated her with.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Azkaban that was what.

Fight.

Her voice was in his head again. Not…well, her. Not the crazy ass bitch, but whatever figment of his imagination that had created this bizarre fantasy in his head.

Fight. Demand your trial. Get out of that hell hole, Siri. You have a chance still.

A chance for what?

James was dead and so was Lily. Their son Harry. His godson…

He frowned as he thought about the boy for a minute, something felt off. He couldn't describe it. He felt like he was missing something, but he tried to ignore it. Merlin, he was a lousy godfather. The child had to be eleven by now. He had loved that little boy. He remembered how annoyed Lily had gotten the one time the boy had called him dad.

"He called you what?" The redhead said her green eyes growing wide.

"Dad." He said laughing, "It's probably because I've been around here more than James lately. You can blame that bitch of a cousin for that."

"I can blame her for a lot of things." Lily said still angry about the skirmish that Bellatrix and James had gotten into the other night. James had barely survived. For some reason Bellatrix had been in a particular vicious mood. She had been out for blood. In particular, Lily's blood.

"Well, you got her back didn't you?" He asked. He knew Lily had struck her with a curse that had ended the duel, albeit it hadn't looked like it had been anything lethal. Bellatrix seemed dazed before she hastily apparated out. Not that he had been surprised. Lily played by the rules. Unlike some people.

"Oh, she won't be bothering us for a while." Lily said with small smirk.

"Don't worry about him calling me Dad, Liils, we know James is his father."

"Yes, we do, and we'll make sure it stays that way."

He then had a vague recollection of being hit with something as well.

Why would Lily curse him?

He must be imagining it. She would've never done anything like that.

"You don't approve of Lily marrying James because she's a muggleborn. Just say it."

"I could care less that she's a mudblood." Bella hissed. Unlike him, she had no problems saying that word. He didn't get it. He knew she wasn't a blood purist; it was one of the first things that he had found out about her after he had actually tried to get to know her. But he could never stop her from saying that word.

"Then what's your problem with her?"

Bella rolled her eyes, "I just don't like her. I don't see why I need to be besties with her just because your friend's marrying her."

There was more to the story, but she wasn't saying anything. "And you won't go to the wedding."

"Siri…"

He looked at her, "I'd like my wife to go with me to my best friend's wedding."

"Trust me, when I say that Evans wouldn't want me there."

She had never trusted her. It was something he never understood. Even when Lily had offered to help him.

"No way in hell." Bella said. "No, Siri. I will not have Evans carry my baby."

"Her name's Potter." He said, "And it's an option. After what happened last time."

"You mean me almost dying on our bathroom floor because of a ruptured placenta." She stated bluntly. "You may be the one who's the healer in the family, but I at least kept up with the program until you allowed me to quit."

He remembered. She was miserable. His aunt had it in her head that the only career that a Black woman should possibly have was as a healer. Bella was very much not a healer, much like he was very not built a life managing the family funds and politics the preferred career for male Blacks. Besides, someone had to heal Bella up from the scraps she found herself in.

"I just….I don't want to lose you."

"I know, but Evans' services will not be necessary."

He looked at her "Are you?"

She nodded.

What the fuck….the memory no it had to be a dream even though he as fucking awake. It had felt so real but there was no way. No way if he cared about that crazy bitch whether she lived or died. And Lily would never….besides, she was pregnant with Harry around that time anyway.

He was being fucking delusional.

He really had lost it.

"I can't have kids."

He was at the Leaky Cauldron with James. It was the first time he had saw him in a while. He had been on a mission for the Order for months and last Sirius heard he had been injured severally.

He certainly looked awful. Thin as a rail and it looked like he hadn't shaved in days.

"Have you seen a healer?" He asked knowing that depending on what happened there may have been some options in terms of treatment. He had specialized in fertility of all things. Probably because he and Bella had had issues of their own.

James shook his head. "I…er…a withering curse made it impossible, Siri."

Sirius winced. Now he was really glad he had listened to Bella's objections when James had asked him to join the Order a few months ago.

"Avery is a particular nasty son of a bitch." James said with a sigh. "I'm okay with it, but Lily is devastated. I think she always wanted a large family."

Sirius frowned almost tasting the fire whisky he tasted that day. No…that didn't seem right. He remembered seeing Lily pregnant. And Little Harry he looked just like James. Besides, he was being delusional. He had never been a healer in his life. He wasn't fit to be a healer. He was a hothead. He was…

You weren't. You grew up.

There was that voice again.

That voice that sounded like her.

A woman that didn't exist.

Fight. Fight. You can get out. Fight. For us. For him.

"Guard…." He heard himself screaming for the first time in ages. Screaming what he should've screamed over a decade ago. "I want a solicitor. I want my trial."

Unbeknownst to Sirius, the Ministry of Magic was now on official notice that Sirius Black had never received a trial. And official notices actually meant something.

Chapter 4: Will be a meanwhile at Hogwarts chapter. I know it will at least consist of a Hermione POV.