Daughter
A/N: Thank you again to those of you who had a minute to write words of encouragement. I do enjoy the validation it offers. Helps motivate me to continue. At the time of this posting... got 15 chapters on the books. :) So I promise, there's more to come. Please enjoy Ch. 4 below.
Chapter 4 – Will to Live
"These are your quarters?" Vala looked around at the spacious set of accommodations.
"Yep," the older Daniel answered. He had just led Vala and Gracie through a private hallway somewhere deep in the Antarctic SGC. The only door it led to opened up to here.
Gracie leaned down to stare at a strange statue resting on an end table.
Vala wandered around, opening every door to see what was behind. She turned back to Daniel, who hovered near the entrance patiently. "It's like an entire apartment," she stated with awe.
"I live, work, and breathe on this base full time," he responded flatly.
She almost pitied him. If it weren't for the luxury he was afforded here while she had been left destitute in the larger galaxy, she would have. Perhaps it was best that he wasn't actually trying to show off his privilege. He was simply showing them where they could stay and sleep comfortably for a few days.
Gracie ran her hand along shelves, eyeing the different artifacts featured there. Her mind calculated costs and thought of fences who would value such things. There was a large supply of old books with tattered spines in one section. A collection of figurines in another. The selection was wide and varied. Vala noticed this and made eye contact with Daniel.
"She's just like you," he whispered out of Gracie's earshot.
"Can you handle two of me?" Vala challenged.
"Nope."
"Good. Glad that's clear."
Gracie looked back at them. She gestured towards a door with a question in her eyes. "Take a good look around," Daniel encouraged. "This is here for you now." She stared at him briefly without any expression, then wandered through the door to explore. He threaded his fingers through Vala's and pulled her closer. "I mean it, you know."
"What?"
"That this is all for you." Vala glanced around at the well-furnished living room at the bottom of the Earth. She looked back at Daniel inquisitively. He placed his free hand on her hip, gently rubbing the black leather with his thumb. He kept her other hand intertwined within his. "I took this job so I could get you back."
Vala looked at him sadly. They simply stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Daniel memorized her features over and over. He kissed her chastely on the forehead.
From the doorway, Gracie paused and stepped back out of sight. She waited. Her heart began to beat faster. A ferocious instinct to run and protect her mother struggled to overpower her. But her conscious mind, which was beginning to understand the truth, told her to stay right where she was.
"I'm so sorry that it took this long," he whispered, voice breaking.
Gracie's eyes began to fill with moisture. She had cried more in the past 24 hours than she had in the past few years. And now here she was, starting again.
Vala reached up with both hands to cup his face. She kissed him lightly on the lips, then pulled back, eyes shining. They touched foreheads and simply hugged each other silently. They each shook as they let tears quietly fall together.
Gracie backed up to a wall behind the door and slid down. She rested her forehead on her knees, absolutely exhausted by everything. She found it difficult to believe that she was even here now. On Earth. Home. Her father somewhere nearby, eager to make a connection with her. Her adoptive mother in the other room being caressed romantically by a man that she once mistook for a villain. A kind pilot and his doctor wife, crying tears of joy at her return. And the younger version of Daniel Jackson, who single-handedly reassured her that there was value in keeping a little faith.
She pinched herself. Was this real?
"Gracie?" her mother called out with a shaky voice, interrupting her reverie.
Her head popped up. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"Yeah." She stood up, black leather crunching as she moved. "Just checking the place out." She cringed as she approached the door, unsure if she really wanted to watch the villain give her mother physical affection. It was weird enough seeing it already these past couple days by multiple other men. And her mother was completely accepting all of it. Happily.
To her relief, they were no longer next to each other. Daniel had disappeared into another part of the accommodation. Vala met Gracie at the door. "See something you like?"
Gracie pointed a thumb behind her. "We could fence that for a few hundred bars," she commented, hoping to distract away from her obvious distress earlier.
Vala glanced into the room, seeing yet more artifacts. She pretended to agree.
"Hey," Daniel called from the living room now. They both turned to him. "I've got some more comfortable clothes here for you to change into, when you're ready and if you want to." He set a pile of basic green uniforms on the coffee table. "I think you already saw where the washroom is at, so feel free to make yourselves at home." Daniel pointed over to another room. "Kitchen is in there. Help yourselves to the food." He seemed hesitant. Daniel visibly winced as he announced, "I have to go."
Vala frowned. But Gracie was more than relieved.
"I've shut down a lot of the base. I need to open it back up so we can resume normal operations around here. Aaaand I need to check on the other two." Seeing Vala's look, he quickly added, "I'll be back. Within a few hours. I promise."
Vala released the breath she had been holding. She nodded to Daniel. "Okay. See you soon." He seemed relieved that she wasn't outright cursing at him like she sometimes did when he left. He began to move toward the door. "And Daniel." He paused and turned. "Thank you."
At this, the white-haired Daniel Jackson finally smiled with happiness. "I'm glad you're home." He disappeared through the main door of the accommodation. The door shut softly with a click. The lock whirred as it engaged.
Gracie now felt brave enough to escape the room. She immediately picked up the clothes Daniel had left for them and stared. Vala joined her. "Comfortable?"
"They don't know the meaning of the word here." Vala reached over to separate the pile into two sets, handing one back to her daughter. "Just go with it. It's a small price to pay."
"If you say so," Gracie said with doubt. "What happens to us now?"
Vala sat them down on the plush couch. "We stay here for a while. I think he means for us to hide in here while he reopens the base. Beyond that, I'm not really sure."
"And my dad? The other Daniel? Do we get to say goodbye to them?"
Vala smiled ruefully at her daughter. "I hope so."
"Dr. Jackson, what is the meaning of this?" a man in a lab coat demanded over the video feed.
"Dr. Steele, parts of the base had to be shut down for maintenance. It is now complete. You can move freely again."
"What kind of maintenance?"
"The sort that keeps us from freezing to death," Daniel bit back meaningfully.
This seemed to placate the scientist. "A little advance warning would be appreciated for next time," he said with annoyance.
"Duly noted, Doctor, thank you." He forcefully hit the button to end the call. He threw a pen across his desk.
"Well, he sounds like a peach," Jack commented from the conference table.
The senior Daniel rubbed at his forehead. The younger one observed as he gritted his teeth and shook his head. Cameron was no longer in the office with them, having excused himself to oversee the reopening of the base. The going excuse to explain his comings and goings was that he was personally inspecting the maintenance in the shut down portions. Only a select few personnel were questioning Daniel's sudden orders.
"How's it feel to be the man now?" Jack teased.
Daniel looked at Jack through splayed fingers across his face. "Not so good."
"Yep."
"Just to be clear…" the younger one started, "If we go back, fix everything, prevent all the bullshit, I don't have to take this job. Riiiiiiight?"
Jack started to cackle in amusement.
"I say you retire on a beach somewhere. Effective immediately." The other him pretended to consider that suggestion thoughtfully.
"With the lady friend," Jack suggested.
Both of them spoke at once. "Jack."
He shrugged, smirk never leaving his face. "So where's my kid?"
"I brought her and Vala to my quarters for now. They should be comfortable there. No one will bother them."
"Another question."
"Yes, Jack?"
"Why doesn't she like you?"
Daniel stilled. Guilt crossed his features. "I don't really know."
The younger one stared at him, not believing it. "Sure about that?"
The white-haired commander sighed and sat back in his chair. "I couldn't see her." He looked at both of them. "For one, if at any point I was captured or compromised, they could search my mind for an accurate picture of her and use that to find her." The pair waited for him to continue. "And for another… well, it was too painful. If you haven't noticed, she looks almost exactly like Sam. Hard enough watching Vala suffer…" He trailed off.
Jack grimaced.
The Daniel next to him examined every line on his face and realized just how much the worry had cost his other self. "I think I'm starting to understand."
Gratitude shown in the older man's eyes. He had sensed the judgement early on but had no way to explain himself until now.
"I think this Daniel helped smooth things over, for what it's worth," Jack offered.
"Thank you." The younger one nodded. "So here's another thing I've been thinking about. And I want to run it by you both." He stood up to join them at the conference table, double-checking that all the doors to his office were good and locked on the way. He sat down with exhaustion. "What do you think of bringing Gracie with you?"
Jack leaned forward. "That's a one-way trip, Daniel."
"I'm aware."
The two men from another time glanced at each other. "Vala's not going to let her go," the younger Daniel declared.
"As in, won't allow it?"
"As in, she'll be devastated."
"Yeah, but that's even if we survive the jump here."
The pair looked at each other again.
"The minute you go back, knowing what you know, you'll be writing a completely different story. The timeline could branch off. Or it might overwrite this one that's already been laid down. There's no way to really tell. I talked to a couple of people about this, theoretically, just trying to wrap my mind around the current theory. Or theories, plural." He sighed heavily. "If Gracie goes along with you, she has a better chance back there than with us. I want all this to be worth it. She deserves to live a life that isn't running from place to place in fear for her safety. It might be nearly two decades too late, but it's better than nothing."
The two other men sat silent for a while, taking in his argument. Jack folded a napkin over and over, absent-mindedly, as he thought it through. Eventually, he said quietly, "She could meet Sam."
The younger Daniel stared at Jack, then at his older self. "But she'll lose Vala."
"Gracie's a grown woman. We need to ask her," Jack said.
"I can talk to Vala. Would you guys be interested in talking with Gracie?"
"For the record," the younger one clarified, "this is a choice, right?"
"Absolutely. It's a suggestion. Nothing more. Your success doesn't hinge on her going with you. But I can make it happen if she's willing."
Jack stared at the older one carefully. He was harboring a lot of guilt and betting a lot on this hare-brained scheme. If his stark white hair and lined face weren't enough to convince Jack of the weight he'd been carrying all these years, he'd have thought the man had gone crazy. "We'll talk to her."
Both Vala and Gracie slipped into exhaustion. There were multiple bedrooms in Daniel's space to choose from, so they each picked one and shut the doors. When Daniel returned as promised, he noted the quiet first. He panicked momentarily and rushed to one of the bedrooms. Without thinking, he opened the door and then regretted intruding on Gracie's privacy. She was fast asleep. Apparently she'd agreed to change into the base uniform he'd provided because her black leather suit was draped over a chair. An array of weapons was lined up on the floor. No doubt she was keeping one with her in the bed, just in case.
He backed out immediately and quietly closed the door. He sighed heavily once again. She was safe. For now. Daniel thought that this moment, her homecoming, would mean a weight could be lifted off his shoulders. So why wasn't he feeling any different?
He rubbed his neck as he turned around. He'd already declared to the base that he was turning in for the night. He'd successfully gotten rooms for Jack and his other self. They were quietly moved there from his office with Cam's help. The night watch had begun. Maybe now he could finally breathe.
Daniel washed up, then headed to the kitchen for a quick drink before heading to bed. It was there, as he was closing his fridge, that Vala caught him. He was more surprised that she was awake than the fact that she was in his kitchen. "Hey," he said softly.
"Hey." She leaned casually on the door frame.
"You guys eat?"
"Yes, thank you. It was delicious. Haven't had an apple in 17 years. That was a treat."
Daniel smiled. "Did Gracie try one?"
"She loved it." Vala grinned.
He set the orange juice carton on the counter. He reached for her and was relieved when she easily came to his waiting arms. Daniel studied her face again, unconsciously reaching up to sweep her hair back so he could have a better look. "You are still so beautiful."
Vala wrapped her arms around his neck. While gently smiling, she nuzzled her nose against his. Daniel's hands wandered down to her hips to pull her ever closer. He kissed her chastely, over and over, savoring the feel of her lips. Soon the kisses became deeper, more passionate. His heart beat faster, overjoyed that she was within his arms again. This time, they didn't have to rush. They didn't have to sneak… as much. They could just be.
And this time, he didn't have to leave her in the morning.
When the knock on the door came, Daniel had a feeling he knew who it was. That characteristic rhythm was all Cam. When he opened the door, the person he was expecting was indeed there.
However, the expression on his face was not.
"Put that thing down!"
Daniel whipped around to find Gracie aiming a weapon at the door. He gasped. "Whoa! Whoa! It's okay! It's just Cam."
Vala rushed out of another room in a bathrobe. "Gracie!"
Her daughter looked at her with surprised eyes. She seemed to take in her surroundings for the first time, finally realizing where she was. She lowered the weapon and shook her head. "Sorry. Old habits."
"Good God, woman, you are a force to be reckoned with," Cameron said as he pushed past Daniel into his quarters.
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Won't you come in." He shut the door, noting that the hallway beyond remained empty as it should be.
Cameron turned back to Daniel then smirked. He looked him up and down, finding that he was shirtless. Then he glanced at Vala, who stood there chiding her daughter quietly with bare legs peeking out of a bathrobe. She pushed Gracie back into a bedroom, where he could hear her telling her to stow the blaster. He grinned. "Well, isn't this just perfectly domestic." He shot Daniel a knowing look.
"What do you want."
"Jack's looking for his kid."
Daniel ran a hand down his sleepy face, covering a yawn. "What time is it?"
"Oh-five-hundred." Daniel grumbled. "Damn, you look like you didn't get any sleep at all there, buddy," Cameron said with meaning.
"Shut the fuck up." Cameron just started laughing as Daniel abandoned him in the living room to go find a shirt. Soon Vala reappeared, waved to him, then entered the same room that Daniel just did.
Gracie re-opened her door, now unarmed, and looked at the General with an apologetic expression. "Sorry."
He chuckled good-naturedly and waved it off. "No problem. I get it." He glanced at the closed bedroom door that Daniel and Vala disappeared into. "How about some breakfast in a swanky office with your dad and the other Jackson?"
Gracie blinked. "Uhh, okay." She glanced around for Vala.
"Think she's changing," he offered nonchalantly.
Gracie suddenly looked contemplative. Was her mother changing out of the uniform they slept in back to the black travel suit? She had to admit, sleeping in flexible fabric had its advantages over leather. But they typically didn't change clothes for sleep, seeing as how they always needed to be ready to run at a moment's notice. Now Gracie was feeling confused about what was expected of her. She didn't know Earth customs. She sure didn't understand the significance of the uniform itself. What was the point?
Her jumbled morning thoughts were interrupted by a door opening. Daniel came out in what appeared to be a fresh uniform of his own. He was busy buttoning it up to his collar. To Gracie's surprise, her mother walked out after him. From the same room. She narrowed her eyes and dropped open her mouth.
"What's this I hear about food in my office?" Daniel asked suspiciously.
"Can't exactly bring 'em to the mess, now can we?"
Daniel stared at Cameron for a beat, then sighed. He was right. "Fine. No one is expecting me 'til 6:00. Don't make a huge racket in there."
"You're not coming?"
He shook his head. "Vala and I need to talk. And Jack needs to talk with Gracie."
"Is this going to be goodbye?" Vala said worriedly. "I want to tell them goodbye, too."
Daniel turned to her. "No, not yet. This is something else." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'll make sure you get a chance to say goodbye. Promise."
Gracie's eyes glowed red hot at his hand. Daniel didn't notice her look. But Cameron did. He grit his teeth. "Well, alright, then!" he said loudly. He motioned for Gracie to follow him.
"Can I use the facilities first?"
Cameron nodded sheepishly. "Oh yeah, of course." He waved a hand in the direction of Daniel's bathroom.
"It's too damn early for you to be around," Daniel grumbled. He wandered into his kitchen.
Vala stepped forward to hug Cameron amorously. "Well, I, for one, am simply delighted that you are here."
He hugged her tightly. "Aww, Princess, I really missed you." He kissed her on the cheek. "How was your sleep?"
"Fine. Good." Cam waggled his brows at her. She rolled her eyes, but was smiling with satisfaction.
"Are all Earth men this touchy-feely?" Gracie asked without shame as she exited the washroom.
Vala laughed as she remained in Cameron's embrace. "No, Darling. Just these idiots."
Gracie crossed her arms and harumphed. "I'm ready now."
Cameron released Vala and enthusiastically motioned for Gracie to follow him. "Come on, kid, time for a change of scenery." He opened the door. "See you later, Jackson!" he called out.
"Bye, Asshole."
Jack and Daniel looked up in surprise when the wall behind the elder Daniel's desk suddenly opened up like a door. Cameron and Gracie appeared.
"What the Hell…" Jack muttered in surprise.
"Howdy, folks."
Daniel cocked his head. "Cam? Why is there a door there that we didn't know about?"
The pilot flashed a cooky grin as he escorted Gracie to the conference table. "Cuz that's your other self's super secret spy headquarters back there."
"Mmm, what am I smelling?" Gracie asked eagerly, overlooking the table now laden with breakfast foods.
Cameron answered, "I believe that is the scent of freshly cooked eggs and bacon, Darlin'. An Antarctic specialty."
She pointed at a particular platter. "Is that…" Her face broke out into a wide grin.
Jack began to smile along with her. "Pancakes." Daniel passed her an empty plate and a set of utensils. "Do you… remember these?"
She nodded enthusiastically as she sat down. "These are also one of my mom's favorite Earth foods." She glanced back at the false wall that they had just come through. "Oh, she's going to be mad missing out on this."
"Nah, don't worry, honey. Jackson keeps a stock of pancakes in his freezer. He's got her covered."
"He has a freezer?" Daniel wondered.
"In his spy headquarters?" Jack further asked.
Cam guffawed. "He has a pretty sweet set of quarters back there. 4-bed, 1-bath. Full kitchen. It's basically like a ranch-style house. 'Cept his lawn is the Antarctic tundra."
"Perks of being the man," Jack murmured. Gracie looked up from the pancakes now sitting unadorned on her plate. She planned to ask more about what this 'man' was that her father kept referring to.
"That it is, sir." Cameron briefly laid a friendly hand on Gracie's shoulder. "Welp, y'all enjoy."
"You're not joining us?" Daniel asked, with a coffee mug in hand.
"I've got a breakfast date with the missus over in the mess. Don't wanna spoil my appetite." He checked his watch. "Or be late." Cameron smiled at everyone at the table. "Listen, take your time. Stay here. Wait for one of us to come to you. Oh, and don't answer the door. Jackson says he'll be in by oh-six-hundred." He turned around and exited through the set of double doors they used when they first arrived the day before. The lock whirred as it engaged.
Gracie stared down at all of the items on the table. She didn't exactly know where to start. All she knew was that pancakes were usually covered with toppings. "You know," she began, recalling a memory, "I think I remember trying to make these with my mom." She made eye contact with Jack. He looked back at her hopefully. "My first mom. Not really sure. But there was white stuff on her nose. It was funny or something."
He smiled gently. "That was flour. And it got everywhere."
Daniel also smiled softly. "Sometimes objects evoke memories," he explained. "Looks like you associate pancakes with a happy memory of Sam."
Gracie stared at him in wonder. "I didn't think I could remember her." A sad smile crossed her face as she looked down at the table. She tried to point at different items, looking up at the men questioningly to have them name them. "So this yellow stuff…"
"Butter."
"Butter," she repeated. "Goes first on the pancake?"
"Yeah, you can."
"Then this? Or this?" she asked, pointing at the maple syrup dispenser and the disposable container of jam.
Jack identified them for her by name, then suggested, "Try one of each. See how you like it."
"Or just combine all of it like your dad does," Daniel teased, pointing at his now empty platter.
She opted for keeping the toppings separate, awkwardly using the utensils to prepare her pancakes. She wasn't sure she was impressed with the presentation, but her hungry stomach could care less. She took a bite, closing her eyes as she enjoyed her first real breakfast on Earth in years.
"Good?"
"Really good," she mumbled, mouth full of another bite. Jack grinned. "So much better than the ones we tried to make offworld."
Daniel chuckled. "You and Vala tried to make pancakes?"
"Yes. It was a disaster," she recalled, laughing at another memory. "Mom could barely remember the ingredients. And we didn't have access to the same ones. So they turned out like rocks." The men laughed with her. "We ate them anyway."
"Maybe you used rocks," Jack ribbed.
She lilted her head with a smile, not disagreeing. "She was so disappointed she even asked Teal'c to get her the recipe from Earth."
Daniel laughed. "Did she get it?"
Gracie's eyes darkened momentarily. "Uhh, no. We ended up having to run."
Daniel exchanged a sorry look with Jack. The table was quiet for a moment. Daniel took another sip of his coffee in the silence.
Gracie's eyes followed. "What's that?"
"Coffee."
"Smells familiar."
"Maybe because we always had some brewing in the house," Jack offered.
She gestured toward Daniel's mug, then to her face, asking to smell it. He let her. She inhaled and slowly let out a breath, closing her eyes. "You always smelled like coffee, Dad." She opened her eyes and stared directly at Jack.
He swallowed a lump. Then he smiled. It was the first time her adult self had addressed him openly as her father.
Daniel clapped his back in happiness for his friend. It was then that he realized an opportunity to start a conversation. "So, the other me said there's an option on the table for you."
She paused with a piece of pancake hovering near her mouth. She looked up curiously.
Daniel blinked, swearing he'd once seen Vala do the same. It seemed to have evoked a happy memory of his own. He continued, "This is going to be completely your choice. And there's no right or wrong answer to this."
"You can choose whatever you want, Gracie," Jack reiterated.
"Well, what's the question?" She finally chomped down on the bite as she eyed them both.
The pair of men looked at each other uneasily. "Do you want to go back with us?" Jack asked.
"My mom, too?"
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He nodded negatively.
"Well then, why would I do that?" she asked innocently.
Daniel glanced at Jack. "You don't have to. But you could go back and meet Sam. The only thing about that is: you can't come back here if you come with us."
"Well, I'm not leaving my mom," she said without hesitation. "Thanks, but I'll stay with Vala."
Jack couldn't help the hurt he felt. Daniel didn't have the heart to offer the rest of his elder self's argument. He barely saw the point of it himself. Now at a loss for words, Jack offered to pour her a cup of coffee to try. She readily accepted, not realizing how much her snap decision had affected him.
They carried on, teaching her the difference between black coffee and sweetened coffee. But Jack was less enthusiastic now in Daniel's estimation. Eventually after more time passed, the false wall opened up and the older Daniel Jackson appeared. He smiled tentatively at the group, but he, too, was subdued. "How's breakfast?" he tried to ask congenially.
"Pretty good," Gracie responded with a mouth full of eggs and bacon now.
"Kid can eat," Jack commented. He noticed that Daniel had refrained from shutting his secret door.
The older version coughed. "Gracie, you want to bring any of that over to your mom to share?"
She looked up then nodded. "Okay!" The younger Daniel helped her load up an extra plate with the leftovers from the serving platters.
"Don't worry about utensils. I have some back there. And coffee." The elder man waved her over, obviously intending to escort her back to his quarters. In her frenzy, Gracie had failed to wonder why her mother did not just come here directly instead. She was so eager to discuss what she'd learned about Earth foods that the thought did not register.
Before Jack knew it, Gracie had disappeared behind the false wall. He suddenly felt a dooming sense that he was about to lose her before even having her.
Daniel swung the door wide open, but did not cross the threshold. He allowed Gracie admittance into his quarters, holding the door with his arm outstretched. She strolled in, two hands carefully holding a plate, eyes searching for her mother.
"I have to get started with work. Just relax in here for now," he said evenly. However, he knew a serious conversation was about to be had once she found Vala in one of the rooms. It made him nervous for them both.
Gracie turned to meet his eyes. She found a warmth there that she'd never noticed before, at least, not in this version of Daniel. Part of her was still instinctively distrustful of him, but those walls were just beginning to break down. It was now apparent to her that he had dedicated his life to getting her and her mother home. She could appreciate that much. She just didn't understand what made the job so damn hard. No one seemed to be able to explain it. Or was willing to try. She was not a child, but everyone still seemed to think of her as one.
She nodded her head in thanks. Gracie couldn't really bring herself to offer a friendly smile. But at least she was feeling less hostile. Maybe the full stomach was responsible for that. Hunger always seemed to do strange things to her mood.
He felt the awkward pause had gone on long enough and excused himself, leaving Gracie to call out for her mother in the accommodation. "Mom?" She wandered further, thinking to bring the plate into the kitchen.
She found her there, seated with her back to the doorway. Gracie smiled excitedly. "This place has pancakes!" She set the plate down in front of her mother and immediately started digging through drawers to find her some utensils. When she turned around, she froze at the sight of Vala's tear-stained face.
Gracie dropped the utensils onto the table and immediately sat down in the chair nearest her. "What's wrong?" she asked with sudden concern.
It took Vala a moment to respond. She studied her daughter's worried face with trepidation. She couldn't believe she was about to do this. Her bottom lip quivered. "Darling." She reached out her hands across the table. Gracie automatically grasped them with her own.
"What is it?" the young blonde spoke softly. It was with great effort that she did not immediately blame Daniel for this, even though her mother was always upset after one of his visits. And now here they were in what was essentially his home. Gracie reminded herself that her impression of him required revision.
"Did you speak to your father?" she started with a shaky tone.
"Yes." Gracie glanced at the plate full of food. "The younger Daniel Jackson was there, too. They taught me about Earth breakfast." She hazarded a smile to see if her mother would respond in kind.
The most Vala could muster was a sorry attempt to seem happy for her. She found herself struggling with what to say next.
So Gracie tried to fill the void by telling her more. "We were talking about pancakes. I told them the story about how we tried to make some ourselves. They thought it was funny." She searched Vala's face for a sign that this might cheer her up. So far, nothing. "I tried coffee." Her face naturally soured at the bitter taste of it. "I think it tastes better with sweetener in it."
Vala quirked a small smile at her daughter's account of her new experience.
Gracie looked down at their intertwined hands. Quieter, she admitted, "I think I remembered my birth mother. Making pancakes with her, too." Vala's fingers tightened around hers. Still staring at them, she added, "And something about the way the coffee smelled. I guess it reminded me of what my dad always smelled like." She looked back up to her mother. "Daniel said something about objects and memories."
"Do you know why we tried to make pancakes?"
Gracie shook her head. "Because you wanted some?"
"No, because you remembered doing that with your first mother. And you wanted to do it again. You were still very young." Gracie paused thoughtfully. "I thought, that if we could accomplish that, it would reinforce your memories of her. So you wouldn't forget." She squeezed their hands gently. Vala smiled sadly. "Perhaps it worked a little."
The younger woman pursed her lips. "I've always felt guilty that I can't remember them."
Vala's eyes began shining again. "I know. But it's not your fault. You were only three when we left. It's difficult to retain memories from that age."
"I know." Gracie looked down again.
"What else did you talk about with your father and Daniel?"
"Nothing much. They offered to bring me with them, but only me. It wasn't even a question." She looked up at her mother's face expecting approval for her unconditional love and loyalty. "I told them I would stay right here, with you, where I belong." To Gracie's surprise, Vala's face crumpled further into despair. The younger blonde's expression contorted into confusion.
For a while, Vala just heaved with sorrow. Gracie didn't know what to do. She knelt down in front of her, placing her hands on her knees. She feared this would be another one of those times when her mother wouldn't explain what was truly bothering her. That her youth would be to blame for her inability to understand. And once again, Gracie was left to feel like a helpless child.
Vala reached out to place two hands on either side of her face. She calmed her shaking chest enough so she could finally speak, albeit unsteadily. "I have been on this mission to keep you safe for so long." Gracie nodded. "And so far, I've been successful, I'd say." Vala ran a thumb along her cheek in affection. "But Darling, there was always a second portion. A part that I'd never been able to achieve."
Gracie blinked furiously, waiting. She held her breath in uncertainty, unsure of what to expect.
"And that was to bring you back to your family." Vala's breath quivered.
"But there's no one to bring me back to," Gracie reminded her. "You're my family," she emphasized.
Vala leaned down to kiss her on the hair. "You have a family waiting for you." She pulled away slightly to look her in the eyes. "In the past."
"But…"
"Jack and the other Daniel… they really are time travelers. And they will be sent back to when they belong. Once that happens, there's a chance this timeline won't survive. Then everything we've been through together will be undone. It means that you could cease to exist, and I can't stand the thought."
"What are you saying?"
"If you stay here, we may or may not live on. But if you go, you will be guaranteed a life to live that is your own. No more running."
"I will not leave you," Gracie said adamantly. "You're my mom. How could I do that?" She got up to sit in the chair again, placing herself back at the same level as her. It symbolized her resolve to make decisions like the adult she was. She scooted closer. "The only way I'm going back with them is if you get to come with me."
Vala shook her head. "I don't belong there. There's no place for me in the past. But you? You've still got your whole life ahead of you. So much unlocked potential. I've raised you so that you could soar. I want you to continue to fly."
"I don't understand. You're telling me to go?" Her stomach tied itself up into knots. None of this made any sense. Her mother was all she knew. How could it be a good idea to leave what she knew? Gracie shook her head vigorously.
"There is a mother back there waiting to receive you with open arms. There is a father in the other room prepared to bring you. There is a me there who is ready to love you all over again."
"Mom," Gracie's voice broke. Her face grew wet as she began to sob. She struggled to see Vala clearly through a well of tears. She grabbed her into a fierce hug.
"I will always love you. And if you can do this, it will immortalize that love. No one could take it away from you there. But if you stay, there is a greater chance that I will never have loved you this dearly at all." She rubbed her shoulders. "After everything that's happened, I don't want that or you to be erased."
Gracie shook her head more. "I can't give you up," she argued as they continued to weep.
"I'll still be with you." Vala placed her daughter's hand over her own heart. Then she covered it with her own. "If you go back and survive, I will live on in you. The me that you know. You aren't three years old anymore. You'll remember me." Vala touched her forehead to hers. "Live, Gracie," Vala shakily commanded. "Live."