Authors note: Thank you for the beautiful reviews! It's not a long chapter today. I'm really trying to convey Sesshomaru's inner torment and angst. Something we dont see much, externally anyway. Love to you!
Chapter 13 - Tormented
The wind lashed against him, snapping his hakama and hakimono against his skin like miniature whips. Punishment for his decisions. Sesshomaru gritted his teeth, as his body sliced through the air at speeds he'd never ventured to experience before. As violent as the air was against his body, his turmoil within was far greater. His own personal torment, locked inside the confines his mind. Whirling thoughts encased his consciousness. His heart pounded in his ears like a drum.
InuYasha. Half brother. Enemy. NOT an enemy. Unable to control his own power. Trying to survive. Alone. Even more alone in the world, than Sesshomaru had been.
Anguish. Rage.
Toga. Father. Tormentor. Betrayer. No. Protector. Provider. Toga knew that Sesshomaru was strong enough to protect himself. To survive. But… Toga had known that InuYasha could not protect himself. That eventually, his own blood would betray and destroy him.
Where did that leave himself - Sesshomaru?
Empty. Without. Isolated. Desolate. Void. Alone — but not alone.
Rin's smile rose like a ghost before his eyes.
Rin. Delicate. Strong. Weak. Paradox. Gentle. Pure.
His breath slowed, the roaring of his heartbeat in his ears dulling.
Rin. The one bright spot in the darkness of his soul. Delicate, but fearless in the face of danger. Weak, yet infinitely strong of spirit. The gentleness of her touch on his hand, enough to tame the beast that always lurked within him. Human, yet attached to a yokai, whom she had saved, and who in turn had saved her as well.
Anguish. Longing.
She was too good, too pure, to be attached to him. Sesshomaru knew the darkness within himself. His life was never intended to be one of peace, or love. But rather anger and rage. His eventual death would be violent, in battle, like that of his father.
He would never have subjected Rin to his life, not consciously. He'd believed that he would protect Rin, until she was older. Then he could find somewhere safe, and leave her with the humans - of her kind. A repayment of sorts, for her kindness to him. But somehow, instead of protecting her humanity, he'd claimed her, with his primal desire to protect her from harm. Now, even in his moment of confusion and rage, he couldn't imagine what his life would be like without her simple joy, lighting up a secret corner of his heart.
Part of him, was afraid to see Rin. Knowing, now, what he had done. Inadvertent as it may have been. Out of a desire to keep her safe and comfort her.
Sesshomaru hardly knew where he was going. Instinct having completely taken over, as his mind frantically attempted to make sense of the rush of emotions he felt. So foreign, and so strong.
Finally, he came to a full and sudden stop. Hovering midair, simply breathing. Sesshomaru's eyes were closed as he took slow deep breaths. He would figure this out. Somehow.
Hesitantly he opened his eyes, gold focusing on the ocean of blue sky around him, then on the ground below. He had covered quite a bit of distance during his flight, and it appeared that he was back on the mainland. A frown dimpled his brow, Jaken would be worried. Rin… would miss him.
Taking a deep breath, his brain shifted focused as an entirely new scent teased his senses. Blood. Eyes narrowing, he honed in on the scent, setting all his tumultuous inner thoughts and feelings aside. Human blood, and quite a lot of it. That wasn't all either. It was the distinct smell of InuYasha, without the taint of his human blood.
There was no hesitation, where he had hovered in the air was suddenly empty with swirling torrents of wind. Bokuseno's words flashed through Sesshomaru's mind.
The demon blood will devour his human soul. He will not be able to recognize himself. He will not be able to differentiate between friend and foe. He will simply kill. And with repeated transformations InuYasha will eventually lose his soul. He will become a demon who only knows how to fight and kill. And he will continue to fight until he is destroyed.
If InuYasha was truly filled with the blood of Inu no Taishō — the same blood he carried, and if the demon had taken over. No one would be able to stop InuYasha, but Sesshomaru himself.
A moment later, his kegutsu boots touched the ground. Gold eyes surveyed the damage. InuYasha sat, covered in human and demon blood, amidst bodies strewn everywhere. Human, equine, bits of demon mixed between. Pools of blood saturated the grass and dirt. Three human males ran into the nearby trees, crying for their lives. Near the carnage, stood InuYasha's group of friends, the girl he seemed to care for, Kagome, and two other humans. They would be the next ones slaughtered, if InuYasha wasn't stopped.