Chapter 55

Maya Pope took a very deep breath, a concerned deep breath. Deep down she knew one day this time would come. The only thing she regretted was being too much of a coward to ever tell Olivia the truth.

She was no better than what her daughter used to do. Running away from a problem was passed down from her mother. The only thing, Olivia never knew that. Maya sat now, having hung the phone up with Olivia, pinching her bottom lip with worry.

Running away to France was an easy out, a way to not face Olivia everyday and tell her the truth she only knew. It was anger, it was guilt, it was love, it was all of the above as a parent having seen your child suffer in pain. The nightmares themselves were excruciating to witness.

Never in her life had Maya wished to be a victim of any kind of accident, except for the one her daughter survived. Maya wished every day from the minute she ran out the door to the hospital that it was her in that passenger seat and not her little girl.

Sitting at her desk now, in a house belonging to Olivia in Vermont, Maya did something she rarely did, she cried. The tears were because she had to let Olivia know the truth.

The revelations Fitz learned in Santa Barbara and what he endured to get to the bottom of his captivity was poetic justice. Fitz never did get to confront the people responsible for his abuse, but he did see justice served to the person who caused it.

From what Olivia had told Maya, Big Gerry lived with guilt the entire time. For seven years, two of which he thought his son was dead, Gerry had to carry a weight no parent should bear. When Olivia told her about the room Gerry had set up for Fitz, Maya understood that all too well, just in a different way.

Olivia hung the phone up with her just mere minutes ago. She was excited and nervous in one. Fitz and Liv were heading to New York, a five day excursion to go through all the childhood memories for Liv to show Fitz.

There was no doubt, at some point, Liv would be brave enough to have Fitz drive pass the crash site. She would see the plaque she never knew existed, bearing Eli's name on it. Maya had it engraved and placed on the pole a few feet from the accident. She visited just a few days ago when her and Jumbo were in New York.

She had to go through city hall to have it done, and Liv never knew about it. It was hard enough to get her to visit her father's gravesite, how could she go to the accident site for a memorial.

That wasn't the worst of it, though, and it's a secret Maya has carried for close to 20 years now. A form of injustice in the worst way, one life lost, one life scarred, and one life spared. Maya put her head down. Yes, she thought, it was impossible to keep it inside anymore.

Jumbo had come into the room, seeing Maya deep in thought, not her cheery, sarcastic self. Putting his hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle rub, he kissed her cheek from behind. "Are you ok?", he sat next to her now.

Maya's fingers interlocked with Jumbo's and she looked at him, bit the corner of her bottom lip and shook her head. "I haven't been truthful to Olivia. She is now going to New York to put her childhood, put the accident behind her. She's ready to be a mother, a wife, and I haven't been honest to her for 20 years."

Jumbo noticed Maya shed a tear and he moved closer to her. "Come on now, Maya, this isn't like you. I'm sure whatever you haven't told there's been a reason for it."

"What if she finds out, and she hates me?" Maya's forehead went to Jumbo's shoulder, and she felt him rub her back affectionately.

"Want to talk about it?", he asked to calm her down.

"Yes, it will be good to get off my chest and to rehearse what I'm going to tell Fitz. Before I say anything at all to Olivia, I am going to forewarn Fitz and maybe, just maybe he can make it better." Maya looked up. "Once Olivia woke up screaming from her first nightmare, Jumbo, I couldn't in my heart tell her. The blood curling screams for months, just tore my heart strings. How could I tell her the person that killed her father, that scarred her for life, was still alive and walking a free man?"

Jumbo looked confused. "Olivia told me the driver of the other car was drunk, died on impact like her father did."

"Yeah, that's what I told her. The driver that hit the car and killed her father was just 17. He didn't die on impact, and yes he was drunk. He was an underage drinker. Nothing happened to him though because his last name was the same last name as the Commissioner of the police force for the NYPD."

"So Liv has believed all these years the person driving the other car died, all the while she was walking amongst him in New York City."

"Bingo. I have news clippings about the accident. The driver's name withheld because he was a minor. His identity never revealed publicly because it was swept under the rug and hidden from the world. Liv never asked, never talked about it. It was part of her healing, so I thought."

"I have clippings of all the topics related to the accident. One reporter was on to it and tried hard to expose the cover up. After a year, he was sent to another state to work on political happenings, and it was just dead in the water."

"And every night Liv woke up with nightmares, you carried this with you, this guilt." He hugged her, pulling her close.

"I have to call Fitz. I have to brace him for what may happen."

The elevator ride up the condo Liv once called home seemed to take forever. Fitz held the two bags in his hand, inside the clothes they packed for the five days they would be here.

Although Fitz wanted an early start to the trip, Liv was late getting up and slow moving getting ready. Fitz knew why and he wasn't going to rush her in any way. This was going to be emotional for her, and he wanted her to be ready.

"Are you sure you're willing to do this, I'm not forcing you in anyway?" Fitz looked at her before Max began to drive them to New York.

"The time since the accident, it has only been my mother and myself who knew anything about what happened to me. I am sure my mother knew more people, but for me I just kept everything inside. I never faced any of it Fitz. I couldn't return to places and do things I wanted to do with my father." Her head rested on his shoulder as the car motioned towards the highway.

"I can't keep pretending it didn't happen." Liv cupped her rounding belly. "Our boy will deserve to know the truth about both of us." Liv nodded.

"Ok." Fitz agreed. "What did your mom think of this?" Fitz saw she had called Maya just before they left.

"She thinks you're one bold badass for buying me sunflowers. Way to hit you head on, no pun intended. Those were her words." Liv gave a faint smile. "Go let it all out baby girl."

"Well, if at any point you feel uncomfortable, you let me know, you understand, right." Fitz turned her chin to face her.

"Yes, Mister, I understand." She gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I can do this. You've already taken me ice skating and to the Christmas Show. Those were two things I've always wanted to do with my father. We got this."

They stepped off the elevator and Liv took a deep breath before using her key on the door. Her hand rubbed the door, her eyes looking at the number and outlining it. She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know why I'm acting like this is my first time back since I've moved. It just feels different."

Fitz watched her stare at the door. "Maybe it's because you're married to one great guy now." Fitz smiled.

"Maybe it's because I was falling in love with you back during Christmas, and the last time we were here, we had three chatty girls with us."

Fitz shrugged. "Could be that too, but I like my reasoning better." He watched her turn the key in the lock and open the door.

As if hypnotized by the view, Liv walked to the balcony window and just stared out. Her arms crossed on top of her rounding belly. "So many nights I watched the sun come up on those buildings, having just got in from work. I would shower, dress, and be out the door again. Never ending days turned into never ending nights, and I never slowed down."

Fitz came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You'll never drown yourself again like that Livvie, we have each other now." His hands rubbed her belly. "And soon this little guy will be guiding our days and nights."

Liv turned and hugged him resting her lips on his as they kissed tenderly yet passionately in front of the view from Liv's apartment. Her hands went down to his ass, so gorgeous in the jeans he had on, and she gave it a squeeze.

"Woman you are going to exhaust me. Is this pregnancy hormones?" Fitz kissed her neck smiling into it.

"No idea, I've never been pregnant before, but I do know I've wanted you every day since we met. Does that help?" Her hand rubbed his curls as they kissed again, and they heard the sudden buzzing of Fitz's phone.

"Mmm." Fitz rolled his eyes. "Hold that thought." He reached to get his phone.

"As long as you hold this baby." Liv went over his hardening in his pants.

"That will always be there for you, Livvie." He walked to the other room to take the call.

Liv looked around the condo. Nothing had changed since she moved into the place five years ago. The same furniture, the same decorations, she never changed anything. She never had a desire to.

She looked down under the tv stand and saw two pictures. She crossed her eyebrows; she was sure they were never there before. In fact, she knew they had been in her closet hidden away.

Walking slowly towards them, she pulled one out. Her hand rubbed over the frame and then covered her mouth. She blinked her tears away because she was looking at a happy time, and she didn't want sadness to overshadow the memory.

Her father was wearing a traditional Yankees hat, Liv a pink one. His hand was flat on her head, as if he was giving her a pat. Liv had his baseball glove on her left hand and a baseball in her right. They had just returned from a Yankees game and her father had caught a foul ball.

Maya was so happy for the two of them, she snapped the picture. Liv remembered telling her dad that she would tell everyone she caught the ball, not him. She put the picture back on the shelf. She couldn't be mad at Maya for putting it out. Maya wants Liv to face this demon head on.

The second picture was her and Maya. It was Mother's Day, the one before her father died. Liv was wearing a fancy dress, as was Maya. Maya's arm around her daughter's shoulders as Liv squinted in the sunlight outside their apartment building.

They were on their way to Sunday services and Eli stopped them in front of the building. "My two best girls. One day Oliivia you can show this to your child and relive this Mother's Day." Liv heard his voice clear as day and she put the picture back and gave a cry at the same time.

She fell to the couch, sitting in the corner and just looked at the pictures. If two pictures could do this to her, what in the world will the physical memories do to her.

"I have news." Fitz said coming out of the room. He saw Liv slumped on the couch and sat down next to her. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

Liv shook her head, managing to smile. "Nothing." She rubbed his jawline, "nothing." She took a deep breath. "Good news I hope."

"The best news. Monica had the baby this morning, about an hour ago."

Liv cupped her mouth smiling from ear to ear as Fitz showed her the picture of the newborn little girl in a hospital cradle. "Oh my, how beautiful, look at her."

"Happy and healthy. 7lbs 6 ounces. Esmeralda Geraldine Murray, Ezzy for short." Fitz smiled waiting for Liv to make the connection.

She looked at him, curiously. Esmeralda was Sammy's grandmother, she remembered that from stories he told her. "Geri for short on her middle name?" She saw Fitz nod. "They named her after you." She took him into a soft embrace.

"The best honor Liv, truly it is." Now it was his turn to tear up. "Said I saved his life, and he was able to create her life because of me." His forehead fell to her shoulder as the emotions got the best of him.

"Two people he loves the most in his life before Monica came along. He doesn't let that go unnoticed." Suddenly a numbness of anxiety came over her and she felt herself fighting off a small panic attack.

The sight of the newborn baby, the kick she felt from inside her stomach, got her thinking. Soon, in a few short months, they would be naming their baby and holding him in their arms. "Fitz, I'm scared." She got up and walked quickly to the bedroom, needed to lay down for a bit.

"Hey, Liv. Liv just…" He turned to see his phone ringing again. He was going to ignore it, but it was Maya calling, probably wondering if they got there ok.

"Maya, hi, umm, we just got in and Liv is tired, any way I can call you back in a bit?" Fitz tried to hurry up.

"Fitz, I need you to do something. First, I put two pictures out of Olivia when she was younger, under the television on the shelf."

Fitz glanced over and saw them. "Ok."

"That may spark something inside her, have emotions, I didn't mean anything by it. I just want her to remember she had a life before the accident."

Nodding now, trying hard not to just hang up, Fitz listened.

"There are also three photo albums in her bedroom closet that I left out for her. You need to look at them first. When you have been through them, first yourself, then her, please call me, privately." Maya paused.

"What's in the albums?" Fitz was curious now.

"Just don't look at them with her first, make sure you do it alone. I'll let you go tend to her now. Fitz, it's going to open deep wounds, I hope you're ready." Maya warned.

Fitz bit his bottom lip. "She's been through it all with me Maya, it's my turn to be there for her." He hung up the phone and went into the room.

Liv was sitting up in the bed. Her back was straight up, and her hands were cupping her bare stomach. She had on her maternity bra on, making her breasts look full and round. "The baby is kicking," she said in a slow whisper. "Come feel."

Crawling in the bed next to her, Fitz lay on his side and put his hand on to her cute, rounded belly. Her hand went on his and she moved it to the side where their son was poking his mother. "Hey, big guy, daddy is here." Fitz rubbed his hand gently on the movement.

Liv took a breath through her nose and smiled. "What if I'm not good enough for him, what if I can't do it, bring him in the world."

Continuing to rub her belly, Fitz lifted his body up more, so he was eye to eye with her. "Hey, you're going to do great, Olivia, you're going to be an outstanding mother. I've seen your interaction with the girls, they love you. I can only imagine the love you will have for your own child, our child." Fitz kissed her softly on her lips.

"Just one mistake, Fitz, one mistake and I can….I can ruin his life." Her arm went hard around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck and crying. "I'm just so scared. I tried to be strong. I know when I told you about the pregnancy….you.."

"I freaked out, I did. You know what though, you were there when I came out of it, holding me, comforting me. It's no different now. Did something spark this?" He pulled her back, rubbing his hand down her cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

She nodded. "I saw pictures my mother left out. One was from a Yankees game I went to with my dad. He caught the foul ball, and he gave it to me. Paul O'Neill hit it." Liv smiled.

Liv looked over his shoulder in thought. "Then the one my dad took of my mom with me on Mother's Day. It was the last Mother's Day he had with us…." Liv's voice drifted off. When would it be her last Mother's Day? She couldn't say it, she shouldn't even be thinking about it.

She slid now onto the pillow. His face above hers. "Seeing little Ezzy, how beautiful and fragile she is, the realization that's it's our turn next, just numbed me. I'm sorry, Fitz. I know you wanted this to be a special time."

"And it will be. How about we take a little nap? It's still early, we can take a walk to Central Park when we wake up. You can show me where the picture was drawn if you're up to it."

She pulled his head down so their lips would connect. Her tongue opened his lips, as they kissed some of the sadness away. When Fitz pulled away to take off his shirt, Liv lifted her bra off. Fitz moaned at the sight of her luscious breasts, and he put her back down pushing down with his mouth engulfed on her breast.

He reached down, using his hand and slid her panties off, as her right leg then left let them go off her body. Fitz dropped them at the side of the bed and kissed his way down. Her hands were in his hair, moving it around and he felt her grip both sides as his tongue licked her clit, tasting her delicious juices.

"That's it baby, just relax." His baritone voice made Liv's eyes close and her head arch back, never letting his hair go. She was guiding him around, waiting for his tongue to get into her entrance. He kept licking, though, the tip of his tongue pointed at the top of her clit. It was causing her head to spin.

His circular motion stopped, but for a minute, as the tip went down in between her wet lips right to her entrance. Her hands didn't have the strength to have a grip on his hair anymore, so Fitz entered his tongue into her. The moan she let out, a weakness moan, and he felt, no tasted her come immediately.

Her breathing was rapid, and he kept her steady holding on to her hips, continuing to enter his tongue out and in her entrance, until her body took one last long breath and he felt it relax.

Getting up on his knees, Fitz opened her thighs a bit with one of them and buried his head in the crook of her neck. His erection was screaming to be inside her, and with a single hard push, he grunted.

He used one hand on her shoulder, keeping his head buried, and pushed hard into the woman he loved. Once again her hands took over his hair, this time only one, on the back pulling his curls.

"Oh, Fitz, mmm, come in me." Her knees bent up, and Fitz's chest came up.

"I plan to." His other hand squeezed her breast softly, and he took a hard breath, watching her reach her second climax, her finger at the bottom of her lip, her mouth taking in the tip as her body shook slowly in pleasure.

Fitz could feel himself growing weak but couldn't stop staring at his beautiful wife. She was so gorgeous when she orgasmed, and he could watch it all day. "Fuck, Liv." His body emptied and fell into the crook of her neck.

Kissing her cheek and rolling off, Liv immediately turned to her right side and closed her eyes. He knew she was exhausted first emotionally, now physically.

He made sure she was sleeping, and he took the first album out of the closet. It was just like the ones they were looking through in Santa Barbara when he told her the Disneyland story. When he opened this one though, there were newspaper clippings and letters but not pictures.

"Bloody car crash leaves one dead, one critical." Fitz looked at the headline. This couldn't be her accident, two died. He continued to read.

"Elijah Pope, 45, of New York City was pronounced dead at the scene of a gruesome car crash on the Upper East Side. After speaking with authorities, Eli Pope was killed on impact when another vehicle ran the stop sign and careened into his car driver's side, killing him instantly. Eli's 12 year old daughter was rushed to Mount Sinai Hospital. She is in extremely critical condition and is not likely to survive. More details to follow. The driver of the car that hit Pope remained at the scene and was being questioned by authorities. His name and the name of Pope's daughter cannot be released, as both are minors."

It was at that moment Fitz realized Maya's words. She lied to Liv the whole time. The person responsible for causing the accident wasn't harmed at all. The other driver never died, and he was a minor, he must have served no time at all.

He looked over to the bed, Liv still sleeping peacefully, and Fitz turned the page of the album. There was a handwritten letter dated the night of the accident. Maya had written a letter, no doubt sitting next to Liv bedside watching her struggle to survive.

"My Dearest Olivia,

I have no idea why I am writing to you. I don't even know if you will survive to ever read this letter. I guess this is the only way to get the thoughts out of my head. I have been up all night, just waiting for you to come out of surgery.

After four hours of surgery, you're lying now in intensive care, tubes and IV's coming all out of your body. You can't tell from my words, but I'm a crying mess, and I'm usually not a crier.

You need more surgery, so much more, and the doctors are still not optimistic you will survive the week. How, Olivia, tell me how I'm going to walk into our home without your father and maybe you? I'll be all alone in the world.

I don't know much yet about the accident. The police were here to talk to me, but I couldn't do it while you were in surgery, and they haven't come back yet. Oh, baby, please survive. I love you."

Fitz couldn't go any further. He felt himself begin to shake. He rubbed his forehead, and his hand went through his hair. This was going to be more of an emotional ride than he thought. Had he known he never would have suggested this.

He put the album back. He just wanted her in his arms. He thought of Sammy's words, that Fitz saved him so Ezzy could be created. Well, Liv survived so their baby can be created. God, how he needed her in his arms right now.

Softly getting into bed, her back to him, Fitz took in her smell, resting his head on the back of hers. His right hand just over up above her head and his left hand reached around to her opposite shoulder.

Liv felt his presence in the bed with her and she turned slowly to her back, Fitz's hand now resting under her jaw, softly caressing her, his face still buried next to hers. He was so emotional right now, but he had to show her affection.

As if she felt his emotion, Liv turned completely to her left side and put her arm around him, his hand now on the back of her neck and she pulled him close. She needed him so much, to feel him, the love generating from their embrace.

Finally, his hand left the caress of her hair and went fully around her, his other arm still above her. He pulled her just as close as she pulled him, and they were breathing into one another.

The fell asleep for a short nap, each needing the feel of one another for different reasons. When they wake up, Fitz thought, he would have to do a good job of hiding emotions. For now he just wanted to continue to hold her.

She once was in a hospital bed fighting for her life, being kept alive by a machine, and the thought of it tore his heart to shreds. He had to help her through this, and right before he fell asleep, he realized Maya wanted him to be the one to tell her the other driver survived.

Feeling refreshed and in a much better mood after the nap, Liv was waiting for Fitz in the kitchen drinking some iced tea. She was scrolling through her phone, looking at a map of Central Park.

It had been so long since she'd gone there, yet she still remembered the exact place her and Eli were when she was dancing with the leaves. Taking the last swallow of the iced tea, Liv looked over at Fitz, her gorgeous husband, hair still wet from the shower, and she licked her lips.

It did not go without notice how his face turned red. "Why do you still blush when the sight of you turns me on Mister?" Liv walked over to him and hugged him, resting the side of her face on his chest.

"Because I am one lucky man. You ready? Want me to call Max?"

"No, I'm good, it's beautiful outside, let's walk to the park. We can get some roasted nuts on the way there."

"Literally the best pizza ever." Liv was pointing to a pizzeria on the opposite side of the street. She had a bag of honey roasted almonds in her hand and Fitz had to laugh.

"So, are we getting pizza on the way back?" Fitz asked.

"Great idea." They walked into Central Park, and Liv interlocked her hands with Fitz's.

Fitz looked around, joggers, bikers, kids playing, soccer being played, and everyone was in their own world. "So big and energized."

"Yeah, the park is insane. There's so much to do yet you do your own thing." Liv nodded. "Just around the bend over there, we should see bench. Liv took a deep breath.

"You want to play catch or just make a mess of the leaves Baby Girl?" Liv didn't even realize she had stopped walking. "I can sit on the bench and watch you make that mess." Liv looked up and suddenly she was 12 again, looking at her father's smile.

"You can sit on the bench," she said out loud, but she was talking to Fitz.

"Well, what if I don't want to sit on the bench? What if I want to stand under this gorgeous tree and dance with my new wife?" Fitz smiled down at her.

Liv felt his arm come around her waist and take her hand in his as he began to move slowly with his wife. Liv blinked out of her dream and rested her forehead on his chest. "Fitz," she whispered, "people are looking."

"Want me to wave to them?" He smiled looking in her eyes now.

"No, they'll think you're weird." She laughed.

'I am weird. Wait, you married me." He kissed her forehead as they still slowly danced under the same tree Liv kicked piles of leaves so many years ago.

"There's the bench." Liv stopped and looked. A father was sitting there wiping ice cream from the mouth of his young daughter. He tossed the napkin in the trash, and took her hand.

The little girl began to lick the cone again and waved as she saw Olivia watching her. Liv smiled and waved back watching them walk away. Suddenly, she sat down on the bench.

Fitz went to sit next to her but was stopped by a voice. "Sir." Fitz looked over as did Liv. Liv's eyes were wide with surprise, but Fitz continued to pay attention to the gentleman.

"I saw you and your lovely wife dancing under the tree. Thought you may enjoy the memory." He held out a piece of paper and Fitz looked at it. It was a pencil drawing of her and Fitz dancing, much like the one that hung in Liv's living room in Vermont of her dancing amongst the leaves.

"How's $50?" Fitz pulled the bill out of his pocket.

"Sir, no, that's too much. I…"

"Thank you." Fitz handed him the bill and took the paper.

"It's good to still see true love. That's something I don't see much anymore." The man turned to walk away.

Liv wanted so much to ask him if he remembered her. Maybe he remembered her father. Something was caught in her throat though and she couldn't. She just watched him walk away and begin to draw again on his pad.

Fitz sat next to Liv. "Look at this, Livvie."

Liv looked down at the picture. "That's him Fitz. That's the man who drew the picture my father bought."

"Yeah, I can tell, this is great." He looked over at her. "Are you alright?"

Liv smiled. The picture did catch their love. He even drew her baby bump. The details were done to perfection. It was a sign; Liv was sure of it.

"I'm better than alright. Now this can go up right next to the one we have." She smiled down at the picture holding it. It was taking her back to a place she wasn't sure she wanted to go, but she was happy about it.

Fitz watched her, she had no idea he was watching her. He took a deep breath. That smile was everything in the world to him. He thought of Maya's written words. "Oh baby please survive, I love you." Fitz closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

For the moment, he's taking this happiness. This wasn't as bad or emotional as he thought it would be. "Hey, can I guess something?"

Liv looked at him. "Sure."

"Did you and your dad go enjoy a slice of pizza after that drawing was finished?" Fitz looked like a proud student.

"Nope," Liv said to Fitz's disappointment.

"Oh." His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"We enjoyed two slices of pizza. Let's go." Liv laughed, pulling him up by his hand. "We'll get a frame for this in one of those overpriced tourist shops on the way back." Liv kissed his cheek.

They walked hand in hand, ready to eat "literally the best pizza". One obstacle down, several more to go. Together they can do this, but it's not going to be easy. Fitz was up for the challenge.