Chapter 56
Not sleeping was catching up to Fitz. He was filled with many different emotions. He had finished all three albums Maya told him about, and somehow, he wished he hadn't. He wished he hadn't even opened one of them, but he did.
Carrying the burden, the pictures he saw, the letters he read, he just needed the right time to tell Liv all that he knew and let her see for herself what Maya did. There was no anger at all towards Maya. A widowed mother having to face the sudden death of her husband and the possible death of her daughter, she did as well as she could under the circumstances.
Maya had exceptional strength if you asked Fitz. Enduring the hospital stays for two straight months, watching as her daughter fought for her life at the age of 12, and having to bury the father of her child, the man she loved. Maya did this all alone, continuing to record the truth so that one day Olivia could finally face the tragedy that took her father's life. The accident that scarred her and the fight she had in her to survive, Maya recorded it all.
The first album filled with news clippings from the accident, the second one all the letters written, and the final album Fitz looked at had pictures he wished he had never seen, but he was glad he had. He wanted to know what Liv would soon see, a head start to her devastation, and a way to prepare himself to comfort her.
The scenario played a million times over in his head. He told her about the driver surviving, he tried to guess her reaction. Would it be anger, would it be hate, would it be forgiveness? Every time he thought was the right time to tell her, he backed out, so he didn't say anything, yet. They only had two days left, and Fitz had to figure something out.
The heartbreak in the letters Maya wrote to her daughter as she lay fighting for her life. The admittance in the letters that the other driver survived, and the sad truth revealed that no jail time was served, it gave a solemn feeling to Fitz, and he wasn't quite sure how to show Liv the letters. She deserved them, though, she deserved to know Maya's feelings, her struggles along with her daughter's, and his only hope was that Liv would find it her heart to understand Maya's point of view.
Finally, the third album is what broke him. One of the doctors suggested Maya take pictures of Liv while in the hospital. In one of her letters, Maya revealed what the doctor told her.
"This can go several ways, Mrs. Pope. Number one, your daughter does not survive her injuries and you pursue criminal charges, the pictures are your evidence as to what she endured, and to what you endured emotionally."
"Number two, your daughter survives, but she will have disfiguration, scarring of significance on her upper body and hands. If, further down the line she needs more surgery, the pictures will also come in as evidence."
"Finally, she survives, you have the pictures to show her how she fought like hell to be alive. I don't know when in her life you would plan on showing her the recovery pictures, but just have them either way. That's just one doctor's opinion. We are about to take her in for her fourth surgery this week. Hopefully we will get any remainder of glass and finally clear her organs of having any significant damage."
Fitz remembered reading the words Maya wrote and he understood the reasons for taking the pictures, but dear God seeing Olivia so young, so helpless, and hooked up to machines, it shattered his heart into a million pieces.
There was one picture that resonated with him. There were six different IV machines to the right of Olivia. She was in the hospital bed, a tube coming out of her mouth, her breathing tube, because she couldn't do it on her own. Her tiny body just helpless in the big hospital bed, and there sat Maya, next to her, holding her hand.
If Fitz thought to ask Maya he would, was she saying good bye to Olivia when that picture was taken? The only solace Fitz got from that final album of pictures was the last picture, when Liv was being wheeled out of the hospital.
She gave a wave to whomever took the picture, while Maya had a faint smile on her face pushing her out into the fresh air. It would be the first time in two months Liv took in the sunshine, and it would be the first night of unimaginable nightmares.
"Hey Mister, what's on your mind? I'm hoping it's your beautiful wife." Fitz looked over to see Liv come out of the bathroom, just a towel wrapped around her, her upper chest scars revealing, and Fitz smiled warmly at her.
"Lake Monsters are on a 10 game win streak, one game behind the …"
"Shh, no need to speak." Liv didn't want to hear her Yankees lead in the AL East was dwindling, even if it was to her husband's team. She cupped his face, moving the papers he was reading off to the nightstand, and kissed him slowly as her towel came off.
His hands rubbed her smooth back as she straddled him and lost himself in the kiss. He pulled her body a bit closer, and moaned with the passion she was showing in that kiss. Her bare, slightly wet body close to him, needing his boxers to come off as soon as possible.
"Let's not talk baseball, ok, Fitz." She raised her body, so her breast was equal to his mouth, and feeling his breath on it made her core ache for him.
In a motion only Fitz could do, he used his mouth to caress her bare breast, and take his boxers off at once. His hand then stroked his erected cock, used it to touch her, and feeling her juices using it to spread them before actually entering her.
He looked up at her as her body came back down, her ankles crossed around his back, and she slid onto that erection, feeling him deep inside.
Fitz was at an angle where he saw only her upper body, as her hands were interlocked on his curls. He put his forehead on her chest, just above her breasts, and closed his eyes. He could feel how deep he was inside her, but all he could see were the tubes coming out of her body.
His mouth opened, as he gently kissed her upper chest, his hands interlocked behind her back as he thrusted her body to ride him, and he was growing weak. His weakness consisted of desire, sadness, and want. Without realizing, his mouth opened, and he was slightly biting down on her skin.
"Fuck, Fitz, what has gotten in to you, that feels so fucking good." Her forehead fell onto his head, as she felt his mouth close, and then his tongue take over on her skin. Finally giving into her weakness, Liv let him take control of her body.
He pushed her hips to ride him slowly as he pulled her body back, he looked at her chest, up and down, then just pulled her closer to him, hugging her, holding her, as he came into his beautiful wife all while she was already weak from her orgasm.
Fitz pulled her down with him, laying down on the bed, letting her go to her side, but still resting her head on his chest.
Her eyes closed as he caressed her hair, his head tilted on hers, and he used his other hand to rub her shoulder. "We should get ready."
They were going to watch a day play in Central Park and come home for an early dinner. Fitz was gaining the strength to talk to her after dinner as they sat watching the lights of the city from the balcony.
He just couldn't prepare for what would happen on the way home from the play. Something so unexpected, it would be the first test in Liv's healing and understanding the reality of what Maya truly went through with grief.
"I don't know if it's a good idea that we just show up, Maya, they are still on their honeymoon, at least call one of them." Jumbo was trying to talk sense into Maya who was packed and ready to go to New York.
"I should be the one to tell her, I have to face her, Jumbo, this isn't going away."
"What's not going away?" Maya turned towards the voice and Huck was getting out of his car. "Where are you heading?"
Maya took a deep breath and looked at Huck. She put her head down and just leaned up against the car. "Huck, I haven't been truthful to Liv, and she may come to you for some information, you have to promise me not to give it to her."
Huck looked curiously at Jumbo then back at Maya. "I usually don't say no to Liv, so how bad is it, Maya?"
Maya told Huck the whole story. Jumbo had finally convinced Maya to go inside and talk to Huck over coffee. Once she finished, Huck stayed silent, just heavy in thought. After about a minute, he looked at Maya.
"You know she's going to want me to find him."
"I know. But you can't, for her sake."
"Maybe I will find him." Maya cut him off.
"Haven't we all suffered enough, Huck? Do you think she would need the guilt of knowing you did something to him? You have to put a stop to it and make it clear to her, it's over. Nothing is bringing back her father and nothing is taking away what she went through."
Huck slammed the table. "So that's it, the guy kills her father, your husband, scars a twelve year old for life, both emotionally and physically and he just walks? What bullshit is that?"
"Hold on, Huck, think of what Maya went through for a bit. Granted Olivia lived with the physical hurt too, but what about Maya?"
Huck looked back at her, a bit more sympathetic. "You didn't see it Huck, you didn't hear it, the screams from the nightmares, the tears falling for hours. It was brutal." Maya looked away.
Suddenly Huck was in that dirt hut with Fitz. He did see it, in a different way. The screams, the aching, the emotional damage, and for that moment he was Maya. He rubbed his beard and nodded his head.
"Fine, I get it. I saw it with Fitz in captivity. It's something that never leaves you. It still doesn't make it right, thought. Did you even file criminal charges, sue for damages, anything at all?"
Maya shook her head, sadly. "No, I couldn't let Liv go through a trial, and he was the police Commissioner's son, how far do you think I could have taken this?" Maya looked down in defeat.
"Well, I do think you should be there. Liv's going to want it to come from you. Fitz will be her comfort."
"Do you think she'll hate me, Huck?"
"I don't think so. Once the initial shock and anger go away, I think she will embrace you. She's always been so understanding and comforting to Fitz, I think she will do fine." Huck looked at Jumbo. "You want me to drive you to New York?"
"It wouldn't be a bad idea to have Huck with us, more support for Liv." Jumbo agreed.
Maya gave Huck a pat on his hand. "Let me go get a few more things, I'll meet you outside in the car."
Jumbo looked at Huck when Maya left the room. 'You're going to find him aren't you?"
Huck nodded. "Yes, I am going to find him, but I won't do anything. I just want to know what kind of life he was privileged enough to lead. I'm not going to damage the situation anymore than it is." Huck promised.
Maya sat in the back of the car, letting Jumbo and Huck talk their man stuff. She needed the thinking time anyway. She looked at her phone display and it was lit up to Liv on the screen. Her thumb rested above the dial button, and she finally had the strength inside to push it. She didn't know if it was a good or bad thing that it went to voicemail, and she left her daughter a message that she was on her way.
"I think I would have done much better if the play wasn't "The Notebook." Liv gave a sad laugh, drying her tears. "That was very emotional."
"It was," Fitz's hand was interlocking with hers. They stopped walking for a moment as Fitz faced her. His hand dried a tear that was about to fall, and he kissed her cheek. "That's my love for you. It will be never ending, no matter what life has in store in for us."
"Even if I forget who you are, forget that you are a sex machine that drives me wild?" Liv smiled, kissing his cheek back and beginning to walk towards the car again.
"I'm a sex machine? Really? Who initiated it this morning because you can't handle the truth about your little Pinstripe Yankees team?" Fitz pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissing it while he motioned to Max to stay put and opened the car door for Liv.
When they were settled in the back, Liv cupped her belly. "You hear that little guy, your dad is jealous of the Yankees, but we know who's team you'll choose, right?"
Fitz's head went down towards her belly. "Don't listen to your mommy, you have a mind of your own. Can you say Lake Monsters for daddy?" Fitz kissed her belly, and looked up at her.
The only other time he remembers seeing such fear in her eyes was when he found her stranded in the car on the grass on the side of the road in Rutland. "Livvie, what is it?"
Ignoring him completely because the reality she was in put her in her own universe, she yelled at Max. "Stop the car!"
Max, thinking something may have been physically wrong brought he car to the curb, amongst the honks and yells from other drivers and stopped slowly, as not to jerk them forward. "Ma'am, Mrs. Grant, is everything ok?"
Liv stared out the car window, looking up and all around. "Why did you take this way?" She didn't even look at Max, and Fitz was trying to understand what was going on, she just wasn't there mentally now.
"There was a detour, a road closure and all traffic was diverted this way, what's going on?" Max looked over at Fitz who shrugged and looked back at Liv. The door had opened so quickly, and Liv was already walking on the busy sidewalk.
Fitz jumped out of the car after her. She was in her own world, not even fazing her that the sidewalks were crowded with people, her eyes focused straight ahead, and Fitz tried to see what she was seeing.
Her mouth opened now, tears filling her eyes, her hand went up so her fingertips covered her lips. She stopped at a traffic light pole, and she rubbed it down. She looked up and she saw it, it was glowing in the still present sunlight, and you could read the message on it clear as day.
She turned to her left. There was no traffic light there so many years ago. Had there been a traffic light, perhaps her father would be alive today, she wouldn't have the scars on her, two people wouldn't have died.
Then she stopped, her thoughts came back to her. "Wouldn't have mattered if there was a stop sign, he was drunk, and he got what he deserved, he took you with him though, didn't he?" She was looking up talking to the glowing object just above her.
Fitz finally caught up to her, and rubbed her back, looking up at her. "Livvie, what's.." He stopped as he saw what she was looking at.
"In loving memory of Elijah Pope, killed at this spot November 30th, 2002. Loving Father and Husband."
Liv read it aloud, despite the tears streaming down. She held the pole for a moment. Looking at Fitz, she whispered. "My mom must have done this, must have fought like hell to get a traffic light here, and had it dedicated to my father. But why wouldn't she tell me?"
Liv let the pole go and she looked around. She pointed so Fitz could see the intersection. "Right there, that's where he ran the stop sign, and right there, our car was hit. There was a pole here, I am sure of it, but it wasn't like this, maybe it was a meter, because that's what stopped our car from going into the storefront." Liv turned her head and looked at the dry cleaners still there after all these years.
As if Fitz wasn't even there, Liv pulled back and looked at the stores, "one, two, three stores up." Liv took a shrieking breath, "the florist, it's still there." Fitz looked where Liv was looking and saw the sign. "Joe's Florist." He took a deep breath, and before he could stop her, she was walking towards the shop.
The bell gave a small ding when she opened it, and an older man turned to see Liv walking in and Fitz following behind. "Uh oh, did he do something that caused him to buy you flowers?" He was pleasant, almost Harold type and Liv stopped right there.
"My father was Elijah Pope." She just looked at him as he thought for a second and then took a deep saddened breath.
"Olivia?", he looked shocked. "I always thought about you, I helped the paramedics free you from the car."
Liv was blinking back tears, and she was twelve again, standing in the last place she would go to with a father in her life. "My dad died." She said it as if he didn't know it. "I have, I have," She stopped and looked on the shelves with the glass vases. "I should've let you put the vase in the box like you wanted, I should've…." Both her hands covered her eyes, and she began a deep cry.
Fitz's arms wrapped around her, and she fell into him, letting his arms close around her body, that was so weak with sadness right now. Fitz looked at the owner, he gave a weak smile. "I am Fitzgerald Grant, Olivia's husband. We had to take a detour, and this was unexpected."
"It's fine, Olivia, it's fine. Your mother fought for two years to get a traffic light installed and when she did, she fought with city hall to get the plaque up and dedicated it to your father. She saved many lives by doing that."
Liv nodded to him still wrapped in Fitz's arms. Fitz shook his hand, never letting his arms leave Liv's body, and then Joe rubbed her shoulder. "I'm so sorry what happened, just know the memory of your father will never be forgotten." The bell chimed and another customer walked it.
Liv pulled away from Fitz and gave Joe a gentle hug, falling onto the man's shoulder. "Thank you for helping me that day and thank you for remembering my father." She quickly walked towards the door, with Fitz's arm going around her and guiding her back outside.
Stopping just outside the florist, Liv took another look at the pole with plaque on it. She walked towards it with her phone and tried to steady herself to take a picture. As she lifted the phone to get a better angle, she noticed it wasn't even on, and she almost threw it to the ground. Fitz grabbed her hand. "Hey, hey, it's ok, I got it, ok, I'll get it for you."
He pulled his phone from his pocket and was about to lift it towards the plaque, he was taller and had a clearer view, but he noticed a text from Maya. "We are on our way there, we are about 3 hours away, don't tell Liv anything, I need to own up to this."
Fitz cleared the display and took the pictures as Liv just looked at the plaque. "Why wouldn't she tell me?" Liv was shaking her head, looking down now in thought.
"Come on, Livvie, let's get home, let's get dinner, ok, we can talk about it." Fitz hit send on his phone and looked up. "I just sent the picture to you. We'll talk all about it, I promise."
Fitz opened the door and let her into the back seat of the car. Immediately after he sat down, she rested her head into his chest as Max slowly pulled away back to the condo.
Holding his phone in the hand that rested on her back, he texted Maya back. "Just a heads up, she just saw the plaque and went into the florist. She was back at the scene of the accident, it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't nice either. She 's going to need answers. Can I at least show her the pictures in the album? I won't say anything about the letters or news clippings."
Liv's forehead rubbed on his chest, and she looked up at him. "I'm sorry if I scared you. That wasn't my intention, I was just…."
His lips kissed her gently, "Please don't apologize, it's fine, we went through this with me in Santa Barbara, right, this was just unexpected." He felt her nod and wrap her arm tighter around him and put her head down.
"Fine, it's fine, show her the pictures, I think she will be comforted more by you while seeing them, she may want to punch me if I showed her. See you soon, handsome."
The lights from the buildings were lighting up the city. Liv and Fitz sat on the couch, facing the balcony door. Liv's view was as far they could see across Manhattan, the lights flickering orange and mesmerizing the view.
Fitz had the album next to him and put it on his lap. Liv looked at him, still a bit emotional from what she witnessed today. "What's this?" Her head tilted and she looked at it.
Resting his hand on the cover, he looked at her. "What's the first memory you have after your accident, the first clear memory you have?"
Liv thought for a moment. "I remember leaving the hospital, I have cloudy memories of waking up in the hospital, the first clear one though was a week before discharge. I was awake finally for one full day, and my mom and some doctors told me about my father."
'I think I went into shock and denial mode at that time. I vaguely remember leaving the hospital and still not believing it. I needed to come home and see it for myself, that he wasn't there I guess, why?"
Taking a hard swallow, Fitz looked back down at the album. "Your mom, Liv, for two months, went through the unthinkable alone. I need you to keep that in mind when things start to come out, when the reality of it all hits, ok. Promise me you'll think of that."
"I have, Fitz every day of my life since the accident."
"But you're not aware the extent of it all, and when you discover things like today, you can't be angry with her, you can't question her intentions as being deliberate or selfish."
"I get that. I tried calling her a few times, but it's going right to voicemail. I'm kind of concerned."
"She's on her way here. She has some things she wants to share with you, but she wanted me to share this with you." He pointed to the album. "It's pictures when you were coma induced, after surgery, before surgery, up until the day you left the hospital."
Liv took a big shaky breath. "She took pictures?"
"It was advised by a doctor, to one day share with you the strength it took both you and her to overcome it all. Do you want to see them?"
Liv licked her lips, she looked out towards the lights, and took a deep breath. Biting her bottom lip, she shook her head. "Ok, I'll look. You said mom is on her way though. Should we wait?"
"She's about an hour out, if you want to…"
"No, let's see this." Fitz opened the cover and Liv saw the first picture. Her hand rubbed over it, and she pulled it closer to her so she could see it more clearer. She didn't even recognize the person in the bed. Her face all swollen, tubes coming out of everywhere, and she imagined being her mother seeing her daughter like that.
"Oh my God." Liv whispered. "My mom took this picture."
"Yes, just after she found out your dad had died, just after you had come out of a four hour surgery, and just after doctors told her you wouldn't survive through the night."
Liv cried most of the way through all the other pictures. Each one was dated, from November 2002- January 2003, and all Liv could think of is what her mother truly went through.
"I can't believe I was smiling. I don't even remember smiling much after the accident into my adult life." Liv sniffed back some tears. They had reached the end, the last picture when Liv was smiling and waving while Maya pushed the wheelchair. Taking a deep breath, she took the book and placed it on the end table next to the couch.
She sat in Fitz's lap, her head rested on his shoulder, and he held her, close to his heart. She felt it beating for her and she just took in his smell. "Thank you for being here for me, for understanding all of this, and for looking at these pictures with me. I could imagine they weren't easy for you to look at." She looked up at him.
"Seeing them were the reality that you almost died, but it also made me see the fight you have in you. To survive this, you have some strength in you, and for that it makes me love you even more if that's possible. I won't lie, seeing them scared the life out of me. It's something I cannot erase, and just know I will always be your comfort." He pulled her up, his finger under her chin and kissed her softly, passionately, as he held her close.
Her fingers grazed his jawline as she kissed him back, so grateful she was married to a man who could let her cry, let her heal, and be there every step of the way for her. She stopped and looked at him. 'You said things are going to come out. Is there something you know that I don't? Is there something mom told you that you haven't told me?"
Fitz rubbed her stomach, under her shirt. He reached down and kissed her chest as he lifted her shirt up higher. As he was caressing her pregnant belly he said. "I'll just let Maya tell you that, ok?"
"How bad is it? I mean what could it possibly be?" Liv was trying to understand.
"Don't," he whispered. "Please don't dig, she'll be here in a bit, just let's stay like this, ok." He pulled her down, his lips devouring hers, anything to make her forget for a little while longer.
It seemed to work, because her body pulled closer to his, her hands tightened around him
And she began kissing his neck. His head arched up, as her tongue went from his jaw down to his collar and she stopped. She slid his shorts down, and kissed down his chest, stopping just before his erection staring up at her.
"Livvie, you don't…." His head went back when he felt her warm saliva on him, taking him all in her warm mouth, and he moaned, as his fingers rubbed the back of her neck. He watched his wife as her gorgeous mouth was around him, and he had to close his eyes.
She felt that erection, it kept getting a bit harder, and her hand rubbed it up and down when she let her mouth up for a moment. Her other hand, all on his bare chest, and she put one of her fingers in his mouth.
Each time her fingers went in, her mouth went down, she was in rhythm in taking him all in. His body froze, and he stopped her. Pulling her up in one motion while her shorts came down. Within seconds, he was inside her, and he had no strength left in him. He wasn't going to waste coming in her mouth when he could be deep within her.
He waited for her climax to end, and their foreheads touched. "Thank you Fitz, that was…just.." She felt his arms go around her and he rubbed her back.
"I'm always here for you Livvie, till death do us part."
As they both left the bathroom, there was a knock at the door. Liv looked at Fitz, "I'll get that." She said as Fitz walked towards the bedroom.
"I'll get the other two albums; this can't wait any longer."
Liv looked at him, confused. "There's two more…" Another knock. "Be there in a second." Liv swung the door open, and there stood Maya, Huck, and Jumbo. "I didn't think you were all coming, this must be serious."
Huck and Jumbo walked in, leaving Maya to face Olivia. "Did Fitz show you?"
"The pictures?" Liv closed the door. "Yes, he did, I can't believe you…I just don't know." She stopped and pulled Maya to her, holding her in a hug that would go on for some time.
"You never told me how you were hurting mom, why?"
"The nightmares alone were torturing you Liv; I couldn't bring myself to let you relive it all. That's why I never told you the whole truth."
Fitz stopped, holding the albums in his hands. Maya nodded over to Fitz. "All the answers are in there just in case you never want to talk to me again after I tell you this."
"Tell me what?" She looked over at Fitz, then Huck and Jumbo. All of them looked so solemn. "Geez, mom, did someone die? What's going on?"
'No, Liv, someone didn't die." Maya went quiet, "but you think someone did,"
It took Liv a good minute, then she looked back at Fitz. His lips tightened, and Liv felt her heart fall into her stomach. She looked back at Maya, and the realization hit her. "There was only one name on that plaque. Two people died in the accident."
Maya stayed quiet, her daughter was many things, stupid was not one of them. Maya's head went down then back up. "Baby Girl….." Maya put her hands out but Liv backed away.
"The other driver? He survived? Is that what this is? He survived?" She looked at Fitz. "You knew all the time we were here that he survived?" She looked at Huck. "You know who he is, I know you do. WHO IS HE? IS HE STILL ALIVE?"
"Baby Girl Please."
Liv closed her eyes and pushed Maya's hands off her. "No, no." Her initial feelings of anger, of betrayal, just consumed her. She wanted to run out the door, but her mother knew that would be her first instinct, so she stood in front of it.
Instead, Liv walked passed Fitz, shoving him slightly to his left, causing one of the albums to fall, as the door to the bedroom slammed shut, locked. The only other time Liv felt so humiliated was when she ran out of the school gym as the girls just stared and laughed at her. She put her head in the pillow and began to cry, she didn't know how long she would cry but for now it was the only comfort she had.