Author's Note: For those of you who have already read this chapter, it has been brought to my attention that the link to the illustration of the newspaper was not working. To view the illustration, go to deviantart and search for: PheonixDino. It should be the only thing that pops up. Note that you must capitalize the 'P' and the 'D'.

Disclaimer: One Piece is owned by One Person. It's not mine, it's Oda's. It's just fun to write about.

Chapter 1

An old newspaper?

The Secret of the Fluttering Swordswoman!

One day, while Luffy is brushing his teeth, the water on the ship all of a sudden stops working.

"Hey, Usopp the waatterrr isn'ttt workinggg," Luffy slurs with toothpaste still in his mouth and shouts over to the deck, where Usopp and Chopper are doing a funny dance around the mast.

"Hop! Hop! Ha-op!" Usopp shouts as he jumps from one foot to the other, never touching both to the ground at once.

"Remember Usopp!" says Chopper. "The first to have more than one foot on the ground loses!"

"Hey, would you quiet down already?! I'm trying to take a nap damn it!" Zoro shouts from the lawn over to the mast.

"Hey, Zoro!" Luffy yells. "What happened to the waterrrrrrrrr?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Zoro grumbles, closes his eyes, and leans back on the tree he's napping against.

Luffy, mouth foaming with toothpaste, looks back at Usopp and Chopper and stares at them. "Hey! That looks like fun, can I join? Prettyyy pleasseee," Luffy exclaims and leans out of the bathroom door. "Gum Gum baaazzookkaa!" He stretches an arm out to grab hold of the mast and flies past Sanji, causing the toothpaste to slobber out of Luffy's mouth and onto Sanji's face. Luffy crashes into the mast, and toothpaste dribbles all over it and onto the deck. Usopp slips and falls on his rump with his feet still in the air. Chopper stops hopping and laughs, and puts both feet on the deck. Meanwhile, Sanji is holding a deliciously cooked shrimp platter and is enraged.

"Idiot captain," he mutters under his breath. "LUFFY, LEARN TO WASH OUT YOUR MOUTH AFTER BRUSHING!" Sanji calls out over the rail. He takes note of the music coming from the bunk room as he takes his handkerchief out of his pants pocket and wipes the toothpaste off of his face. "NAMI SWAAAANNN!" He drifts along the stairs and floats over to Nami, who is reading a magazine while relaxing on a lawn chair. "I brought you some shrimp and a refreshment my dear!"

"Oh, thank you Sanji, and did you use the last of our treasure to buy the ingredients for it?" she grills him with a feigned smile. Sanji ignores this, and attempts a make-up hug, in which Nami promptly slaps him. He then strolls over to greet Robin with the same enthusiasm and gives her the same refreshment.

"Robin my deareeeesst!" Sanji delivers his platter of shrimp in front of her. "I've made a scrumptiously delectable spread of shrimp for you-ooo!"

"Why, thank you, Sanji," Robin says calmly and puts down her novel. "But it appears to be a bit pasted." Sanji examines the shrimp. He finds the shrimp looks good, just as he had planned, but with a hint of…. toothpaste.

"LUUUUUFFFFFY!" Sanji yells. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper are in a pit of argument over who won the one-foot-hop contest with Luffy laughing in the midst.

"Whattdaya want Sanji? Stop interrupting on my fun time!" Luffy pouts and goes cross-legged in front of the now slightly bent mast.

Sanji runs up to him in a rage and gives him a kick to the head. "You spit toothpaste all over my wonderful platter of love for Nami SWAAAN!"

"But I…!" Luffy puts up a finger in protest, but Sanji kicks him in the face again. "…was just trying to brush my teeth."

"Luffy? Brushing his teeth? That's a new one," smirks Zoro.

"Shut up you stupid moss head!" Sanji turns his face over to the lawn and scowls. Zoro speeds over to the mast, directly in front of Sanji and goes face-to-face with him.

"Oh yeah, you wanna fight me, you dumb cook?!" he growls and flexes his muscles as he pulls out his swords. A tornado of swords and kicks erupts on the deck.

"Hey you guys, would you quit fighting already?! I'm trying to enjoy some sun! Is that too much for a girl to ask? I mean seriously." Nami puts down her magazine. She stomps over to break up the fight between the boys and puts her hands on her hips.

"Anything for you Nami SWAAAN!" Sanji exclaims as he breaks away from the fight, causing a sword slashing Zoro to crash through the door of Nami's map room, and he grunts from the impact.

"ZORO! If one of my maps is even slightly damaged because of you, I swear I'LL KILL YOU!"

Usopp, apparently losing the argument, distracts Chopper. "Oh, no, Zoro looks like he's hurt, Chopper! You better go help him!" Usopp chuckles.

Chopper immediately rushes over to Zoro. "Are you alright?" he asks as he checks his vitals and examines all his bones.

"I'm fine," Zoro says and spits out a piece of the deck. "You might want to take a look at Sanji though."

"I'm on it!" Chopper replies cheerfully and his stethoscope magically appears as he approaches Sanji.

"Heyy, Sanjii, I'm hungry when's dinner gonna be done?" Luffy whines.

"You just ate, moron!" Sanji snaps.

Choppers face drops and he scurries behind the mast, his hooves sticking out. Scary...

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Luffy chuckles, "I forgot."

Robin carefully places her book upside down on her lawn chair as to not lose the page, and saunters over to everyone. Sanji's eyes morph into hearts at her presence.

"It's almost as if your stomach is made of rubber or something," she laughs to herself and leans against the mast next to Luffy.

"Well, duh." Luffy cocks his head, causing toothpaste to drip lopsidedly down his chin. He rubs his belly. "….and it's running on empty. Aren't you, little tummy?"

"Well, here, eat this!" Sanji throws the ruined shrimp platter in his face. "Serves you right!"

"Ooooo, yummyy!" Luffy stuffs the toothpasty shrimp in his mouth at once and gobbles it all up. A large mail coo passes by the ship and drops something. Sanji pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his suit jacket and observes as the bird flies away while he debates on what to do for dinner that night. Pulling the cigarette from his mouth, he exhales a puff of smoke when Franky comes down the stairs and out onto the deck, with a newspaper in hand.

"Hey guys, check it out! We got a newspaper!" He holds the newspaper up and waves it proudly. He sits on the swing at the bottom of the stairs and the branches bend due to his massive weight. "Eh, it looks a little old though. The pages are SUPER worn."

Robin walks over and leans over his shoulder. "Let me take a look at it." She takes the paper in her hands.

Brook saunters from the bunk room, just getting back from practicing a new song on his guitar. "Afternoon, Robin-san."

"Same to you," she replies politely.

"So, Robin-san, may I take a look at that newspaper? And also, if you don't mind," he pauses. "May I also see your panties?"

"I don't think so," Robin replies and denies him access, not only to her panties, but also to the newspaper.

At the mention of panties, Sanji wavers over to the shade of the tree and the others, with the exception of a wood-buried Zoro, follow suit as well.

Robin takes a closer look at the paper and says, "It's no wonder that the pages are worn. This was from five years ago."

"Huh, five years ago." Usopp rubs his chin. "That's some mail service."

"STUPID BIRD! You couldn't get this to us any sooner?!" Luffy yells in the direction of the bird. "Hey! I have an idea! It'll be better as FOOD!"

"Captain Usopp has a mission! The dangers ahead will be challenging, even for my sniping expertise!" Usopp proclaims and nods his head in agreement with himself. "It's the catch-the-bad-mail-bird mission!"

"Alright! Come on, let's get some cool stuff to catch it with!" Luffy jollies over to join Usopp. "Chopper, you coming?"

"Awesome!" His eyes sparkle and water with glee.

"Well, I guess that takes care of dinner." Sanji inhales another smoke, and then exhales. "But back to that paper. Robin what does it say?"

"It says here that a pirate with a four hundred million berry bounty is dead, as well as her crew, the Flute Pirates. And I quote, 'The infamous pirate, the Fluttering Swordswoman, has been presumed dead along with her crew. At last, the terrifying slicing of sailor's hearts, and the slaughter of countless lives, will come to an end.'" Zoro looks up at the mention of his trade, and maneuvers out of the splintered blocks of wood surrounding him. After briefly stretching and sliding his swords back into place in their sheaths, he steps over to everyone. He lays his palm out, gesturing towards Robin, and she hands him the newspaper.

To view the illustration of the newspaper, go to deviantart and search for: PheonixDino. It should be the only thing that pops up. Note that you must capitalize the 'P' and the 'D'. Thanks!

"Yo, Zoro, what does it mean by 'slicing their hearts'?" Franky leans forward on the swing and tries to get a better look.

Zoro flips through the pages. "Huh, that's weird."

"What is?" Nami asks.

Zoro turns the paper so that everyone can see, and then points to the picture.

Robin leans in to get a better look at the photo. "So it says here, that this Fluttering Swordswoman sliced the hearts of sailors," Robin comments.

"Yeah, and it doesn't show any blood," Zoro adds.

"So, somehow she killed them without spilling any blood?" Sanji inquires.

"It would appear that that is the case," Robin explains. "One has to wonder what kind of power it was that killed these sailors."

"Quite a terrible sight to see," Brook adds. "Though I suppose I don't have any eyes to see it with anyway yohohoho."

"Well," Zoro reasons and rolls up the paper. He tucks it into his waistband. "She's dead, so I guess there's no need to worry about it." He walks aways down the deck and is met by a ruckus coming down from the front of the ship.

"Heyyy guyyysss! We got dinner!" Luffy chuckles and yells out over the deck with a huge bird draped over his shoulder.

"Oh, you're all so kind, but there's no need to thank me." Usopp bows down again and again. "Just the mighty sniper king doing his job!" Usopp takes a mask out of his knapsack, and positions it on his face. He poses with his right hand on his hip and the left outstretched and pointed. Usopp's dramatic performance is left in the dust. "On second thought, you can thank me all you like!" he proclaims louder, still with no response.

Chopper just hops alongside Luffy and giggles excitedly. "We're going to have a feast tonight!" he cheers.

"Alright, I guess that means I should get started." Sanji strides over to the group, takes the bird carefully, and travels up to the kitchen.

XXX

"Wow, I'm so full. I don't think I could eat another bite after tonight." Luffy, bloated stomach and all, sits down next to Zoro on the lawn.

Yeah, I'd like to see that happen. Zoro grins at his own thoughts and leans his head back against the side of the stairwell. His swords and the old newspaper rest in a pile next to him.

"Well," Luffy says and bounces to his feet. "I'm gonna go get some rest. Night Zoro!"

"Night." Zoro closes his eyes. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, he looks over his shoulder to the newspaper next to him. He curiously peeks at the pages until his eyelids become heavy and he falls asleep.