"Love is a villain,
That attacks me in the night,
Your body is willing,
And you know, I won't put up a fight."
Danger Calling - Icon
/
Joss stood outside of Billy's Camaro, his window was rolled all the way open as she bent down to speak to him.
"You sure you want to go home?" she asked, hugging herself a little, still feeling the effects of their time in the sauna, as well as the cool breeze that had chilled her skin from the fast drive they'd taken afterwards.
His eyes lingered over her whole form, his tongue poking out between his lips with a humorous energy. "'Want' is a strong word," he caught her arm, pulling her down to his lips in a rough and lingering kiss, "but I'll already be in shit for going out for a long ride." He grinned, pulling away, chewing his gum and giving her a sly wink as they shared the innuendo laden joke. "Longer I leave it, worse it'll be."
"Okay, well, I guess, just be careful?"
He grinned again as if her words gave him pleasure and discomfort at the same time. "Sure," he said, turning over the engine, it revved a moment, and he flicked a hand to his brow in a lazy mock salute of goodbye, before he sped out of the driveway and away up the road.
/
Saturday evening came and Joss found herself at work again. The comforting familiar refrain of Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time' flowed out across the half empty arcade, but did nothing to help Joss' unease tonight.
Joss played with the ends of the bandanna tied around her neck, the material unsubtly hiding several large love bites. Looking in her bathroom mirror that afternoon had been a shock to her system, the blooms of bruises ugly and purple, but she hadn't had much time to think about it all. She'd rolled out of bed mid-afternoon and only just pushed her tired body to walk the long hot way to the arcade by convincing herself that her boss, Gus, would probably fire her if she slacked off from her shift.
Now, stood in the arcade, she found she was jumpy and nervous, looking at the door every time a new customer came in, hoping, but at the same time dreading, it was Billy. Even if she knew he normally came just before or just after closing, no logic would relieve the tension.
What state would he turn up in tonight? She could only guess his behaviour over the last few nights might have drawn his dad's disapproving eye. Staying out to all hours, not even coming home one night, and Joss couldn't help the unpleasant thought that maybe it was her fault too? If she hadn't encouraged him, or given in, or if she had just been more level headed instead of following her own selfish wants, maybe Billy would never have gotten into trouble at all?
With a weighty crawling feeling that made her nauseous and her ribcage too tight to take in a full lungful of air, Joss' mind flashed up the question of what she would do if he didn't come tonight? Her eyes drifted to the heavy, bright orange, rotary dial phone, the plastic circled numbers mocking her. She didn't even have his number. She didn't know where he lived, or have any way to check he was okay, and not lying bleeding on his bedroom floor, or worse... She chewed her bottom lip, feeling the queasy feeling grow, the sensation had started to mimic a true stomach-ache.
Joss felt helpless, she wanted to extend an understanding hand to him and have him take it, but in reality she knew that was highly unlikely. This wasn't a romantic movie and things wouldn't fall into place like a storybook, she wasn't the hero and she couldn't save him from an unfair life and run off into the sunset. Nothing she could say or do would help him, not until he wanted it, not until he was ready. Joss didn't know if he ever would be, she wasn't even sure if he could see himself as any kind of victim to what his father did. In fact, Joss thought he would despise that label with a heated fury.
But, it all felt so wrong, knowing what he went home to every day, how did he function living under such a heavy shadow of threat and violence for so long? Joss could only begin to imagine how warped that made the world around you, having a parent hurt you in an effort to control you.
In this situation Joss was only some random girl who he had known for a few months. She had no experience of what Billy was going through, and no clue what she should do to support him, if that was even possible.
Distant, emotionally cold parents, a strained home life, school bullying, Joss had that down pat, but physical and emotional abuse at home? In truth Joss knew nothing about it. She didn't even know if she was the right kind of person to offer to try and help, or if she could do anything to even extend that offer that wouldn't be angrily rebuffed. Joss felt handcuffed to a different reality, trying to reach him across a great divide, and in reality, she knew he would never reach back.
As the evening wore on, sunset turning to darkness, she buried herself in the work, talking to her co-worker Mark, or rather letting him talk at her, until there wasn't enough work for two people on such a slow Saturday night and she told him to go on home. After that she busied herself with chores that wouldn't need doing until next week. Starcourt really was taking all their customers and soon this place would be closed and gone, another small store gobbled up into the belly of corporate greed.
A group of young teenagers crowded the counter and she went to see to their needs, exchanging each note for coins as they hustled and shouted a conversation over each other. Joss noticed amongst them was the very same red haired girl she'd seen get out of Billy's car a few months ago, his step sister, Max. Joss had seen her with this group many times before, they were regulars, perhaps even one of the reasons why this place was still standing.
Normally, Joss minded her own business, not allowing her mind to wander to the very real fact that this was Billy's sibling, whether in name only or not. Joss had done a pretty good job of separating her private time with Billy and his real life, which, now faced with a growing ball of worry and Max right in front of her, suddenly felt like a gaping chasm to try and jump.
The teens scattered, leaving just one dark haired boy behind, he was digging into his pockets, over and over again, as if he'd lost something, his large eyes widening in horror as he fully realized he didn't have the money needed.
"Will! Come on!" A kid from the group called out to him with annoyed impatience, and Will's eyes rippled with dismay. "We'll miss our spot!"
Joss could see him beginning to panic, whether by forgetfulness or just not having it, he clearly didn't have any money left.
"You lose your money?" she said, making him jump and stare at her, his lips trembling for a second before he replied with a shy shake of his head, making him seem so much younger than his actual years.
"Okay," Joss said, reaching subtly into the cash drawer and pulling out a handful of coins. "Here's your change," she said, loudly enough for the other kids to hear.
He dithered for a moment before opening his palm and Joss poured the face saving objects into his grasp. "Go have fun," she said, finding some faux important chore behind her, not waiting for a thank you, or a chance for him to give himself away and suffer embarrassment.
When she turned back he had joined the rest of his friends with a big goofy grin on his face, already enjoying the rest of his evening, and Joss smiled, feeling just as happy about her good deed.
/
Kids had begun to filter out, and only a few, determined to beat the next level, still hung around. Some parents came in to tear them away, but the group with the kid she'd helped before still lingered. Joss thought the overly generous amount of coins she'd provided might have something to do with it.
Joss' music had taken over the speakers a while ago, 'Danger Calling' by Icon swirling into the arcade. She opened her own wallet, and placed the money she'd taken back into the cash drawer, knowing she had to make the books balance at the end of the night.
She watched Max for a moment as she played her umpteenth game of Dig Dug, eliciting groans from the boys around her as she once again got the high score. Joss worried at her bottom lip again, feeling the familiar unpleasant sting as she broke the skin and silently chastised herself for the bad habit.
Joss supposed she could just go and ask, she could reach out and ask Max how Billy was, if he'd made it to that party. But, in truth she feared the answer. It could, after all, be anything from Max 'didn't care' to Billy was 'at the party on a date'. It felt like a question loaded with ammo that could hurt in so many ways and leave her exposed to curious eyes. It would mean stepping out of her cloaked existence and being noticed, fully perceived by others. No longer just the random overlooked staff here at the arcade, but someone with a connection to someone they knew. That made people take note and remember you. Joss knew Billy would hate her asking and prying too. She wavered between the choices, her eyes nervously following the group, knowing time was slowly but surely running out.
Finally, after a moment more of watching, and chanting the word 'coward' around her head more times than she would have liked, Joss decided she would ask Max as casually as possible if Billy had gone to Trish's party. She'd catch them just before they left, hopefully she could be somewhat discreet, play it off as just a nonchalant inquiry.
Joss saw a guy who looked around her age enter the arcade and go over to the group, obviously an older sibling here to pick up a few of them, impatient to get on with whatever he deemed more important than his kid brother's enjoyment.
Maybe Joss had missed her chance after all?
The older guy spoke to them a moment, and the kid she'd helped, Will, stepped away with him, talking privately for a moment before he returned to his friends. A request for five more minutes, Joss guessed.
With a small ripple of surprise she saw the older guy turn upon his heel, his eyes searching for a brief moment until they found her, and then he started to approach the counter, his body language a little uncomfortable. His hands were stuck deep into his pockets until he seemed to realize this wasn't the friendliest way to approach a conversation, and instead ran his hands through his hair with a nervous energy, as if unused to such direct confrontation.
Was she in trouble?
"Hi," he said, upon reaching the counter, avoiding her eyes for a second before meeting them. Social interaction was as fun for him as it was for her, apparently.
"Hi," she said, smiling with all the customer service savvy she could muster.
"Hi," he said again, nervously touching his hair.
"Hi," Joss said, with a raise of her eyebrows, "can I... help you?"
"My little brother." He gestured behind him, and Joss' gaze went to the group of teenagers, the younger brother now watching them in between trying to be involved with whatever game his friends were playing. "He says you gave him some money?"
Joss shifted her weight from one foot to the other in sudden discomfort. "Yeah," she said slowly, "did I do something wrong?"
"Oh no, no," the guy said, waving his hands in an over dramatic reassurance of his words, "I just wanted to pay you back, for helping him. He spent all he had, but his friends, I guess they had more."
"Oh." Joss breathed out, relieved. "Well, good. I mean, not good that he spent all his money but..." She shifted again on the balls of her feet.
He was getting his wallet out and Joss suddenly didn't want her good deed undone, she reached over, stilling his hands with an impulsive firm grasp. "No need, really," she said, with meaning and a forced smile.
He didn't pull away from her touch but looked at her directly, mildly surprised and confused by her actions.
"It's my treat. Those kids are always in here, they keep the business going." She pulled her hand back with a jerk, realizing sheepishly, she was still clutching a stranger's hand. A burning flushed through her cheeks before she could stop it.
"Well, I mean, that's kind of you, but..."
"No, really!" Joss said, a little more harshly than she'd intended. "My life has been full of bad choices lately, so it felt good to do something good. You're doing my conscience a favour." Damn, did she really mean that? Was what she had with Billy all a bad idea? It seemed, subconsciously, her mind thought so.
He looked a little awkward, glancing away but smiling now. "Sounds serious," he said, and this made Joss laugh, any tension between them breaking as they both relaxed into the moment. "Well, thank you," he said, with true meaning, and Joss felt that warm flood of contentment her good deed had brought come back in satisfying gentle waves.
"You're welcome."
He put his wallet away. "I'm Jonathan." He offered his hand out in greeting and Joss shook it.
Joss hesitated only for a beat before she gave in, not seeing the harm in being honest in this situation. "Joss."
"That's my brother, Will."
Joss smiled over at the kid and gave a little wave, alerting him all was indeed well and he could go back to his game, which he did without a second thought.
"You go to Hawkins High?" Jonathan asked, making polite, if still strained, small talk.
Again Joss had to fight against her instinct to not answer with the full truth. "Only for a few more weeks. You?"
"One more year for me. But I can't wait to get out of there." His honesty made Joss laugh and he laughed too, as they both seemed to share a nervous energy of silently hating all the social bullshit that came with high school.
"I hear you," Joss said, still chuckling, and looked at him with a genuine smile of commiseration.
"Well, I gotta get them home. I said I'd only be thirty minutes, my mom will get all freaked out." He winced as if wanting to retract those words. "Maybe I'll see you around? Nice talking to you."
"Yeah, you too," Joss said, actually meaning it.
He turned and took a few steps towards the group of kids, before turning back and smiling a sincere smile at her. "Thanks again. For, you know... being so cool to him." She saw him wince again at his own words, which only made her smile more, wanting him to know she understood.
"No problem," Joss said, and he walked away to his unenviable task of wrangling up excited teenagers who had probably drank too many sugary slushies.
Joss went back to her chores, smiling and humming along to the music to herself for a few moments, putting away various things into a lower cabinet. Now her mind had completely swung to the opposite choice, she wouldn't bother Max, or make Billy annoyed that she'd asked his step sister questions about him. Joss had asked Billy to keep what they had private, and he'd respected that, the best thing she could do was the same for him, and not bring any unwanted drama to his doorstep.
If he didn't come by tonight, she'd look up his telephone number in the phone book, and if she still felt jittery she'd call him once she got home, but with a little time she'd probably have talked herself out of doing that too and would just wait to see him at school on Monday. By then all this imagined theatre would be over and done with. Joss would be glad she'd let it be.
She finished her tasks, closed the cabinet door and rose to her full height, still humming along to the music as she turned around to see Billy was leaning on the counter. Joss's eyes widened in surprise for a second before she pulled herself together.
"Having fun?" he said, chewing on his gum with angry determination, and Joss finally saw his look was thunderous and his eyes a steely blue, fixed right upon her with intense displeasure.
Joss shrugged, playing the jolt of relief at seeing him off as coolly as she could. "Not really." She took a second to study him, taking in his angry expression, and her mind started to race. Had something happened at home? Was he hurt? Her eyes darted across him in covert surveillance, she couldn't see any new cuts or bruises. "Just the usual."
He laughed, tilting his head at an angle to look at her in a certain way that Joss really did not like, that felt suddenly condescending, his mannerisms full of contempt. "That's the usual?" He jabbed an angry finger to indicate just what he meant, but Joss didn't follow his lead, feeling to take her eyes off him now would prove a mistake.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, getting irate herself at him waltzing in and spoiling her good mood.
"Chatting real friendly with every guy that comes on in?" he said, his eyes angry blue fames that were alert to every word she'd now speak in contradiction, every treacherous movement her body made to give her away, ready to jump on any failing.
Did he mean Jonathan? He had to, the only other 'guys' in here were all kids under fifteen.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Joss said, her defences rising. "Look, if you are in a bad mood, just leave, okay? I don't have time for this bullshit!" Joss' own anger grew to meet his, ready to do battle.
"Bullshit?" he repeated, with a spiteful laugh that held only mocking humour, and, keeping direct and wrathful eye contact, he deliberately spat his gum onto the carpet. "Whoops." He deadpanned out the word with a sharp edge of distinct cattiness.
"What are you, a god damn kid?! Why'd you do that?" Joss was so stunned by his actions, her voice was much louder than she'd intended.
His face had lost all hints of laughter now, stern and relentless eyes watched her, making it clear he wasn't playing. "Go clean it up," he said, staring right at her with a thousand-yard stare she felt intimidated by. The look seeming to say Joss had crossed a line she hadn't even been aware existed between them. "Isn't that your job?"
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Joss said, making to turn away from him and go and clean up after his childish behaviour, before someone stood on the damn stuff and pushed it into the carpet, making the job to remove it twice as hard.
Before she could take one step he'd caught her forearm in an iron grip and pulled her towards him, jerking her body slightly over the counter with an unnerving, barely contained rage, that Joss could feel vibrating through all his tense muscles.
"Don't ever disrespect me again! Do you understand?" he said through gritted teeth.
Joss stared at him, thoroughly stunned at his blatant misunderstanding of what he thought he'd seen between her and Jonathan, and his ridiculous accusations of her now doing something that was near blasphemous in his mind, by her merely defending herself.
"Let go of me," she hissed back, not even willing to dignify any of this or her actions with an explanation now, he'd lost that chance the moment he had grabbed her.
His grip tightened, pinching her skin, pulling her further towards him.
"You're hurting me," she said in a harsh whisper, her eyes meeting his in what felt like a silent battle of wills.
When he still didn't release his hold, she pulled herself roughly from his grip, shaking him off with a few backwards steps, her breaths a little labored from a rush of sudden adrenaline. She could see his jaw set in determination, his gaze sharp and zeroed in on hunting her down, and for one frightful moment Joss thought he'd launch himself over the counter.
"Hey, everything okay?" The sudden interruption sliced through the tension of the moment and Joss looked over to see Jonathan stood nearby, a concerned but determined look upon his face.
Joss looked back at Billy, who glanced down, laughing and shaking his head as if this was all some ridiculous storyline in a soap opera.
"Billy?!"
His name was a harsh demanded question, and the attention of all three went to Max, who had stepped forward from her group of friends with a tenacious and indignant energy spiking off her. Her light blue eyes connected and held Billy's a moment in a look that warned him his mere presence was unexpectable. Joss saw something unspoken pass between the step siblings, and from where Joss stood it looked like it was a sort of recognition on both sides, an agreement that had clearly just been broken.
Again Billy shook his head. "Jesus," he breathed, his teeth gritting together in tense resentment. "What, Max?" He spat her name out like it was something thoroughly distasteful.
"What are you doing here?" The accusation from her was just as spiteful.
Billy sniffed. "Susan wants you home," was all the explanation he offered.
"That's presumptuous of you, to think I would want you to take me home," Max shot back, clearly used to giving out just as much hostility as he threw at her.
"Not my choice, Maxine," he said, pointedly, and Max's face instantly tensed into a frown of grumpy resentment.
"Don't call me that," Max said, and it was undeniably a warning.
The tension between the step siblings hovered in the air, threatening to turn into something explosive, and Max's friends gathered behind her, seemingly ready to take up any fight she decided to take part in. But, surprisingly it was Max that decided to defuse the situation. She glanced back to her friends and her expression softened, she made a subtle movement with her hand, the silent gesture telling them she could handle this.
"Let's go then," Max said, with a roll of her eyes, and turned away from Billy, deeming him completely unimportant, giving all her attention to her friends as she said her goodbyes.
Billy pushed himself from the counter with an unconcerned air, giving one last casual look towards Joss that she took to be a warning that this wasn't finished between them. He began to walk away as if he didn't have a single care in the world and no confrontation had just happened at all. As he passed by Jonathan his head quirked in his direction.
"Eat shit, Byers!" He stilled for a second by the door. "Max, let's go! Now!" he said, clicking his fingers loudly, and Joss saw Max stomp over to him with a look of pure disgust on her face.
"What are you even doing here?" Joss heard Max begin to say, "we agreed no more..." But her voice was lost as the door swung closed.
Joss watched them both walk fully from sight into the dark parking lot, before she let out a breath of relief and Jonathan deemed the situation defused enough to speak, walking over to the counter, his brow wrinkled in uncertainty. "You okay?" he asked.
Joss found her voice was lost for a few seconds, shocked into silence, and felt the tremor of trepidation leaving her body in a rush of sudden exhaustion.
"What the hell is his problem?" Her voice was way too high to her own ears.
"Hargrove is bad news," he said, as if this explained everything, "he's a bad guy."
She stared at him a moment, quelling the ridiculous urge to defend the guy that had just grabbed her, unprovoked.
"Do you know him?" Jonathan asked, and to Joss' ears it felt like an accusation.
"A little, he comes in sometimes."
Joss didn't know what else to say, and she could slowly feel the unpleasant crawling feeling of eyes upon her, and knew, without looking up, that anyone left in the place was, and had been, watching this whole scene unfold.
"He beat Steve Harrington to near a pulp last year. I mean, he could have killed him. He's just a really bad guy," Johnathan repeated, with a caring that tugged at her to listen.
"King Harrington?" Joss said, speaking before her brain could engage, knowing she knew that name well. She heard it in relation to Lori's gossip all the time and a memory of last year forced its way in to her mind, of Lori pointing out the limping battered and bruised form of the once most popular guy of Hawkins High, Steve Harrington, who had looked like a shadow of himself.
Some said he'd suffered a concussion after that beating, and he'd become more reserved at school, losing all his 'cool points' as Lori had put it. In fact now Joss thought about it, she was in the same year as Steve and couldn't say with any certainty that she'd even noticed him over the last few months. Everyone at school knew he'd had a fight with Billy Hargrove, because Billy had waltzed into school with a few war wounds of his own and people were at least smart enough to put two and two together and make four. Neither side had ever admitted who their opponent was openly, obviously not wanting the root cause of the fight to be public knowledge.
Jonathan nodded. He looked back at the kids before turning back to Joss, his voice lowered. "It was over his sister, I think. He didn't want her hanging out with some other kid." Joss felt there was way more to this statement, but found she really didn't want to know the details right now. "Do you mind if I stay a while? I can give you a ride home if you want?" Jonathan said with a thin smile.
"But you have to get back, right? Your mom? The kids?" Joss gabbled.
"I can see you don't have anybody else here with you, and I don't want to leave you alone after that. My mom will understand and the kids can wait until you are finished up. You'd be closing up around now anyway, right?" He said pointing towards the clock.
Joss nodded, knowing he was right, and gestured to where the phone sat, feeling shell shocked from the whole event, but also suddenly grateful to not be alone. "You can call your mom if you need to."
/
Jonathan stuck by his word and stayed until Joss had fully closed up, a task she did in a rush, not wanting to keep him or the kids he was responsible for any later than needed, and also knowing she'd probably have a few complaints about her sloppiness from Gus next time she saw him.
Jonathan gave her a ride home, squashed between two kids in the back seat who seemed to have everything and nothing to say about a whole array of subjects. For the first time in a long time, Joss actually enjoyed all the chatter and clamour, feeling the warmth of being around others without any true anxiety of judgment. Although Joss still sometimes felt like an alien observing human social connection, it still felt good to be part of something, even if it was only for the duration of a car ride.
"Thanks," she said, getting out of the car and coming to Jonathan's open window.
"No need to thank me. We gotta look out for each other, right?"
"We?" Joss questioned, with a confused frown, and a small flare of concern at just what he meant by that 'we'.
He shrugged a little hopelessly. "People, I mean."
"Oh," Joss let out a relieved laugh at his awkwardness, "yeah. I guess so. Well," Joss had to stop herself saying another thank you and instead settled on something far more neutral, "see you around."
Jonathan gave her a wave and drove off to a chorus of goodbyes and chatter from the kids, leaving her to return to her longed for bed, to try and figure out what had just happened, and more importantly, what this now meant for her and Billy.
/
A/N
Hello, Friday and welcome anyone following the story. I hope you enjoyed all the drama.
I will not be turning Billy into a bad guy, so anyone concerned that is where this is going, it's not what I intend, but I'm not going to be shying away from his worst traits and him repeating some of the circles of abuse. I hope I'm doing an okay job so far.
Also, no, Jonathan will not be a love interest, just as in season 3, he is dating Nancy in this story. This is a fully focused Billy story (no love triangles), Joss is here to allow me to explore him as a character in a way I found believable and to (hopefully) see all the many sides he has as a complex human being. Any other characters are just there for fun.
I really wanted Joss to be completely lost at everything she learned in the last chapter, as finding out something like that can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. With them both still being very young, I thought it was reasonable for her to not have any answers or help to give. To feel helpless. This is the 1980s as well, so the sad truth is that I highly doubt Billy would have found any true help outside of a solid circle of friends he could trust, which he does not have, and even if he did, I don't think he would tell anyone at this point in his life anyway. I don't think he's ready for anyone to offer to help. That's why Joss is here, because she exists in this secreted weird not quite girlfriend, not quite friend realm that allows him to let his guard down a bit and say what perhaps he wouldn't normally say aloud.
Again, hope I'm doing an okay job in any of this as I have not personally lived Joss' or Billy's lives and I can only write what I know and try and let my thoughts figure out how that fits into what I'm writing. Ugh, I'm rambling, sorry.
Once again my intent is not your reading, my fan head canons don't have to be yours. However you wish to view Billy is valid.
If you have the inclination, let me know what you'd like to see happen or what subjects you hope the story touches on. It would be very fun to see if I caught any of them in what's to come.
If you are enjoying, any support is so welcome and appreciated if you have the time. It really is so wonderful to know anyone is out there reading this. Anyway, until next week.