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"Joe, let go," Barry said softly, as they made their way up the porch steps.

Joe sighed, but he complied, reluctantly letting go of Barry's arm. Barry held onto the railing for support instead, sucking in a pained breath as he lifted his legs, one at a time, to make it up the porch steps. His hip was still incredibly sore. Caitlin had wanted him to stay at STAR Labs longer, but as soon as Barry had regained his ability to walk, he had wanted to leave. It was Saturday, after all. He and Joe had spent the majority of their day at STAR Labs, and Iris was probably wondering where they had been all day.

Iris had moved back home now. She had never really said it out loud, but it was most likely because she was lonely. She wasn't used to living by herself, and after Eddie's death, she had found herself alone in an empty apartment. No one was surprised when she moved back home.

It led to a bit of a predicament, though. There was no way they would be able to keep Barry's illness from her, not that Joe thought they should. She had a right to know.

"Barry, wait," Joe murmured, when Barry moved towards the front door.

Barry turned and gave him a questioning look.

"Bar, I know you're dreading it, but we really need to tell her," Joe said seriously, "Tonight. We need to tell Iris tonight."

"Joe," Barry said in a strained voice.

"She deserves to know," Joe said gently, "Keeping your identity as the Flash a secret from her was a mistake. My mistake. I urged you not to tell her the truth, and that's on me. This is different, though. Now I'm urging you to be honest with her. She forgave you for not telling her you're the Flash, but she'll never forgive you if you don't tell her about this. This is something family doesn't keep from each other."

"I do plan to tell her," Barry said earnestly, "I just don't want to tell her tonight, Joe. I can't. Not yet. She's happy not knowing. Can we please just wait at least a few days before telling her? Before crushing that happiness? She's not going to take this well, and for her sake and for mine, I can't tell her now. I can't handle her reaction right now."

"I understand," Joe said sadly, "But the longer you keep it from her, the more upset she'll be when she finds out. She'll be angry that you denied her the chance to be there for you."

Barry let out a heavy sigh.

"I know," he whispered.

"Barry, waiting to tell her might seem easier, but it's not," Joe said painfully, "Waiting will only make it harder for her and for you when you finally do. I know you really don't want to do this—any of this—but it would be better to just get it out of the way. Tell her tonight."

Barry nodded silently, a somber look on his face.

"Okay," he whispered, "I'll tell her."

Joe gave him a sad smile and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be easier once she knows," he said surely, "And we'll get through this as a family."

Barry nodded and took in a deep breath.

He knew Joe was right. He had to tell Iris. As much as he didn't want to, Barry resolved to himself that he was going to do what Joe said. He was going to tell her tonight. He wasn't going to beat around the bush like he did with Joe, either. He was going walk through that door and tell her right away. No stalling.

With a small nod to Joe, Barry reached for the handle on the front door and turned it, taking a deep breath to try to calm his nerves for what he was about to do. As soon as the front door was open, however, Barry heard a shrill voice call out.

"Guys!" Iris shrieked, grinning from ear to ear as she rushed over to them from the kitchen, "You won't believe it! I have the best news!"

Barry suddenly had a churning feeling in his stomach. Whatever she was about to tell them was going to be a lot better than his news. His news was going to kill her happy mood.

With a jolt, Barry noticed Wally appear in the kitchen doorway, an amused smile on his face as he watched his sister's display of excitement. Barry had completely forgotten Wally would even be here. He had forgotten Wally was usually here on the weekends. Hell, he had forgotten today was Saturday. His mind had been preoccupied with other things.

"What's going on?" Joe asked slowly.

Iris beamed at him.

"I just got assigned by the CCPN to cover a story in Kenya!" she told them happily.

Barry raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Kenya?" he breathed.

Iris nodded excitedly.

"Some archeologists uncovered some new artifacts or something," she explained quickly, "I haven't gotten all the details yet, but I will, when I go there to report on it!"

Barry felt a genuine smile spread across his lips, even if on the inside, his stomach was churning in dismay. He was happy for her, and so proud, but the timing…

Iris giggled and wrapped her arms around her father in a brief hug. She pulled back and then lunged for Barry, hugging him with more force than he had been anticipating. Barry sucked in a strained breath when his legs threatened to collapse from under him, his hip twinging horribly with the unexpected shift in weight.

Unfortunately, Iris noticed.

"Are you okay?" she asked, pulling out of the hug to frown at him in concern.

"Fine," Barry gasped, his eyes watering in pain, "I just…twisted my hip funny at a crime scene earlier. It shouldn't take long to heal."

He would have given a Flash excuse, saying it was from a metahuman fight or something, but Wally was here, so he had to go with the lamer excuse. Iris frowned at him. She wasn't the only one. Joe was staring at him, his eyebrows furrowed, a strained look on his face.

"Is that where you've been all day?" Iris asked the two of them, "Working?"

Joe opened and closed his mouth, giving Barry an unsure look. Barry subtly shook his head, his eyes pleading with Joe's. Joe seemed to understand. Now wasn't the time. He clearly didn't feel comfortable with flat-out lying about where they were today, though.

"It was an unexpected case," Barry answered, when Joe didn't say anything, "It couldn't wait until Monday and had to be dealt with today. Time-sensitive sort of thing."

Joe gave Barry a sad look, and Barry immediately knew why. He hadn't meant it to sound that way. He had just been coming up with an excuse. He didn't realize until after the words left his mouth that what he had said wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well, you're just in time for dinner," Iris said happily, "I made Grandma Esther's noodles to celebrate. I hope you're hungry."

Barry had to fight back a groan. He was a lot of things right now, but "hungry" wasn't one of them. Just the thought of food right now made his stomach churn.

"Actually, I already ate," Barry said awkwardly.

He just really didn't have it in him to sit through an entire meal right now. He was exhausted and just wanted to lay down and rest his sore hip and back. Sitting in an uncomfortable dining room chair, trying not to throw up while choking down the food he used to love sounded unbearable at the moment.

"Barry, I think you got a little too wrapped up in the case today," Joe said with a forced laugh, a meaningful look in his eye, "That was hours ago. You must be starving."

Barry gave Joe a pleading look, but Joe maintained a solid expression. He wasn't letting Barry off the hook. Caitlin had said it was essential Barry try to gain any weight he could before starting treatment, and Joe was clearly taking that advice seriously. Barry knew he should be taking it seriously, too, but tonight he just didn't have it in him to sit through a meal and pretend like everything wasn't falling apart.

"Is it that hard to spend more than two minutes with us?" Wally muttered then, so quietly Barry almost hadn't heard him.

That comment made his choice for him. To Iris's delight and Joe's approval, Barry shuffled over with the rest of them to the dining room table. When he managed to sit down in a chair at the table, he looked up to find Iris frowning at him.

"You must have really hurt your leg," she observed, "Are you sure it's healing alright? Maybe you should go see Caitlin."

Barry gave her a small smile.

"She looked at it already," he said honestly—she had more than looked at it—"She said it should be better by tomorrow."

He must have been limping worse than he originally thought. Iris looked like she was itching to ask him more about it, but she couldn't really do that with Wally sitting right there, considering she was probably assuming it was Flash-related. Thankfully, she was forced to let it slide, and Barry wasn't forced to lie to her even more.

"So, tell me about this new assignment in Kenya," Barry said then, changing the subject.

It worked. Iris was easily distracted as she launched into the details of the assignment, talking animatedly as she told him what she knew of the archeological dig she would be researching. Barry listened attentively, taking note of how excited Iris sounded as she spoke.

He couldn't ruin this for her. This was huge for her career, and she deserved better than to have it spoiled by his own bad news. Iris was scheduled to depart for Kenya in two weeks, and she would be gone for an entire month.

She was leaving.

Barry could clearly see the distress on Joe's face as he listened to his daughter talk animatedly about the trip. Every time he made eye contact with Barry, though, Barry offered him a sad smile, as if to say that it was okay. This was a good thing, and they should be happy for her. It was better not to tell her. This was good news being given on a day that had previously held only sad.

This was a good thing.

Barry knew the timing of it was awful, though. By the time Iris got back, he would be going through treatment already. She would be returning home to find out he was sick. It was better than her finding out before she left, though. If Barry told her now, she wouldn't go. She wouldn't leave if she knew he was sick, and Barry couldn't bear to have that on his conscience. He wasn't going to let his illness compromise her career or happiness. He wasn't going to let it affect her like it was going to affect him.

As Iris continued to speak, Barry looked over at Joe again, who was staring at him with a sad expression on his face. As soon as Barry looked at him, Joe looked pointedly at Barry's plate. Barry sighed and looked down at it, pushing the food around with his fork. He still had yet to take a single bite.

When he glanced over at Wally, who had already finished eating, he saw that Wally was staring at him, a confused look on his face as he looked back and forth between Barry and Joe, probably wondering what the hell was going on between the two of them.

And during all of this, Iris continued to talk, completely unaware of the silent conversations taking place around her. Barry turned his attention back to her again as he forced himself to take a bite of the meal she had made, the food protesting the entire way as he struggled to swallow it. Maybe Iris leaving wasn't such a bad thing.

He wouldn't have to fake a smile then.

"Barry," Joe growled as he entered the kitchen in the morning.

When Barry turned around, Joe simply gave a pointed look at the mug in Barry's hand. Barry sighed and set the empty mug back down, returning the coffee pot back to the counter instead of pouring himself a cup.

"It's just coffee," Barry muttered.

"It's caffeine," Joe said seriously, "Caitlin said—"

"I know what Caitlin said," Barry said irritably, "I was only going to have one cup. It's less than a hundred milligrams of caffeine."

"Which is a hundred milligrams too many," Joe said firmly, "It'll dehydrate you and narrow your blood vessels, two things Caitlin said you should avoid before going through a dialysis treatment."

"Did you know that just the steam from a cup of coffee has more antioxidants than an entire orange?" Barry countered, "It's not like I'm drinking poison."

"Caitlin said you should only be drinking water," Joe persisted, "Water and Juice."

Barry sighed and walked over to the refrigerator to pull out a carton of orange juice. He could feel Joe's eyes on him the entire time, giving Barry the same thoughtful look he had been giving him last night.

"Barry," Joe said softly.

"I know what you're going to say," Barry sighed as he poured himself a glass of juice, "I made the right decision last night, Joe. I was right not to tell her."

"When are you planning to?" Joe asked seriously, "She's leaving in two weeks, Bar."

Barry leaned up against the counter, nervously gripping the glass of juice in his hands.

"I'm going to tell her when she gets back," he said firmly, "I'm not going to tell her before she leaves."

Joe didn't look surprised by this decision, but he looked far from happy with it.

"Barry," he said sadly, "I hope you're not just…using this as an excuse to put off telling her."

Barry shook his head.

"That's not what this is," he assured, "This is about her, not me. I'm not going to let this hold her back. You and I both know she won't go if she finds out I'm sick. I can't do that to her."

Joe nodded sadly.

"I understand," he whispered, "I'm not surprised you would think that way. You wouldn't be you if you didn't, but Barry…she deserves the chance to…to spend…"

Joe opened and closed his mouth a couple times, not finishing his sentence.

"To spend whatever time with me she can?" Barry asked in a strained voice, "While I'm still here?"

Joe's eyes widened in horror.

"No, Bar," he said quickly, "No, that's not what I was going to say. I just meant…you're going to get worse before you get better. She deserves to spend time with you while you're still healthy. By the time she gets back, you're probably going to be in the middle of treatment already. That's what I meant. I didn't mean…"

Barry nodded, looking at the floor.

"I know what you mean," he said quietly, "It's going to be harder for her to process everything. I know I wanted to wait to tell her, but I wasn't planning to wait that long. I don't have much of a choice now, though. I just don't know what the best decision is. At least, this way, Iris gets to be happy for another month before we bring her into this whole mess."

Joe nodded sadly.

"What about Wally?" he asked then, "When are you planning to tell him?"

"I have no idea," Barry sighed.

He hadn't really given it much thought. He and Wally still barely knew each other, and this was deeply personal. It seemed wrong to tell Wally something so heavy without getting to know him better first. That was difficult, though. They had nothing in common and had very different personalities. Not to mention the fact that Wally felt threatened by Barry. It made getting to know him very difficult.

"And your dad?" Joe asked quietly, "When are you going to call and tell him? He needs to know, Bar."

Barry let out a heavy sigh. Unlike with Wally, Barry had given his dad a great deal of thought. He knew he'd have to call him. He was his father, after all. Barry was dreading it, though. His dad had spent fourteen years in prison. Fourteen miserable years. And now that he was finally out and happy, Barry was going to pull him back down again. Just like with everyone else, Barry was going to pull him in and force him to suffer with him. He was quickly learning that cancer affected far more than just the one who was sick. It hurt everyone they loved, too.

It was the worst part of it.

"I'll call him sometime this week," Barry said in a strained voice, "I want to make sure things are a little more…stable before we bring him into this. Caitlin hasn't even put together a full treatment plan, yet. My dad's a doctor. When I tell him, he's going to want all the details."

Joe nodded in understanding.

"And Singh?" he asked quietly, "When are we going to tell the captain, Barry? We need to tell him so we can arrange a sick leave for you."

"I might not need a sick leave," Barry said quickly, "We don't even know if I'm going to get that bad yet. Lots of people continue to work while going through cancer treatment."

Joe gave Barry a skeptical look.

"That's not very common, Bar," he said quietly, "Odds are…"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," Barry said firmly, "For now, I really have no reason to tell Singh. He doesn't need to know."

Joe sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"I suppose we should get going to STAR Labs soon," he said softly, "Caitlin said we could go in for your dialysis any time you want. It might be easier to just get it out of the way."

"Yeah," Barry said softly, "Yeah, I was thinking the same thing."

Barry set down his glass of juice and made to leave the kitchen, but Joe held up a hand to stop him.

"Bar, at least have a slice of toast or something," he said gently.

Barry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Joe."

"I know," Joe said sadly, "I know you're not hungry, but you need it, Bar."

Barry nodded and reluctantly moved to make himself something to eat. It was nice having Joe know everything because he was able to support him and make him feel less alone, but that support also included this—Joe watching Barry like a hawk and pestering him to take care of himself. Barry figured he may as well get used to it now.

It wasn't going to end any time soon.

Caitlin watched Barry closely, taking note of how pale he had become. His vitals were steady, but he was still pale and clammy throughout the procedure. It was a common side effect. It was partly physical and partly psychological.

Most people weren't used to having their blood taken out of them, run through a machine and put back into them. Barry had always been good with blood, but with the stress he was under right now, combined with the temporary low blood volume, Caitlin wasn't surprised that Barry was getting a bit woozy during the procedure.

He kept his eyes closed most of the time, tilting his head back as he tried to relax during the process. He had an ill look on his face and had broken out into a cold sweat. Caitlin couldn't help but feel guilty as she laid a cold washcloth across his forehead.

"Thanks," Barry muttered without opening his eyes.

Caitlin shared a brief look with Joe then. Joe hadn't said much to her all morning. She knew he was still processing the origin of Barry's illness. They all were. Caitlin didn't know how she was going to do this. She didn't know how she was going to administer all these painful treatments to Barry while always knowing in the back of her head that she had helped cause this. She had helped make him sick in the first place.

Barry said he forgave them, but Caitlin couldn't help but fear that he was going to resent them eventually, especially her. She was trying to help him, but she was also going to cause him a lot of pain with the treatments she had planned for him. She hoped Barry wouldn't, over time, start seeing her as the bad guy. She couldn't handle his anger on top of the guilt she was already feeling.

Barry wasn't angry, though. Like always, he was forgiving and understanding. He hadn't mentioned the particle accelerator since yesterday. None of them had. Barry had asked them to not dwell on it and to just move forward, but that was a lot easier said than done, especially with the silent looks Joe kept giving her. It was obvious he was still struggling with the fact that Barry's own friends had made him sick.

"I should call Iris," Joe said quietly, breaking the silence in the room, "She's going to be wondering where we are again."

"What are you going to tell her?" Barry asked, opening his eyes.

"Don't worry," Joe assured, "I'll come up with a good excuse."

He patted Barry's arm before leaving the room, leaving doctor and patient alone together. It was silent at first, after Joe's departure. Barry didn't close his eyes again, but he didn't look at Caitlin either. He stared down at the sheets covering his lap, a solemn look on his face.

"Are you still doing alright, Barry?" Caitlin asked softly, glancing at the readings on the dialysis machine.

Barry nodded.

"How much time is left?" he asked wearily.

Caitlin looked at the timer with a sigh. They were only half-way done.

"Two more hours," she said softly, patting him on the arm.

Barry sighed and laid his head back again, looking at the ceiling.

"Four-hour dialysis sessions," he muttered, "Three days a week."

"I know it's hard," Caitlin said sadly, "The sessions should get easier each time you do it."

Barry let out another heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes.

"Caitlin, when are you planning to tell everyone?" he asked quietly.

Caitlin furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked, "Tell them what?"

Barry pulled his hands away from his face and finally looked at her.

"I'm a scientist," he said seriously, "I may not be a doctor, but I do know medicine, Caitlin. I'm not a bio geneticist, but I know how cancer works. When are you going to tell everyone the statistics for late stage leukemia like mine?"

Caitlin's heart clenched as she understood what he meant.

"Barry…"

"Eight percent," Barry whispered, "Eight percent survival rate."

Caitlin's heartrate picked up. She should have known Barry would do his research. He was a scientist after all. She understood now why Barry had been so quiet since she had told him what stage he was in.

He knew how bad it really was.

"Barry, those statistics don't apply to you," she said quickly, her voice laced with desperation, "Your body is regenerative. Your metabolism is accelerated. Your organs are ten times more efficient than the normal person's, and—"

"My organs are failing," Barry said bluntly, "My organs are already failing, Caitlin, and you said yourself that my increased cellular mitosis is causing the cancer to multiply faster. My powers help me, but they're also working against me."

"Yes," Caitlin said honestly, "But my point is that you're still a special case, Barry. Those statistics don't apply to you."

Barry sighed and looked down at his lap.

"Caitlin, people with cancer as progressed as mine usually don't even get treatment," he said quietly.

Caitlin stared at him with wide eyes.

"What are you saying, Barry?" she asked seriously, "Are you saying you don't even want to try?"

"Of course I'm going to try," Barry sighed, his eyes filling with tears, "My family would never forgive me if I didn't try. I just…I know what my chances are."

"Barry," Caitlin choked, her own eyes filling with tears now, "You really shouldn't be thinking about this."

"I'm just trying to face reality," Barry said seriously, "I know you're an excellent doctor, but you're also my friend. You're blinding yourself to the reality of the situation because you don't want to face the fact that things might not go our way. You and I both know how bad this is, and I don't want you to sugarcoat things. I want you to be honest with me—about everything.

"I'm not just a patient, Caitlin. I'm a scientist, and I want to be informed about everything when I'm going through treatment. I want to see the scans myself. I want to analyze my own samples, run my own blood panels. I want to help you develop the chemotherapeutic agent we're going to use. I don't want to just sit here and be treated without having any say in anything."

Caitlin nodded and sniffed.

"I understand," she said quietly, "I understand why you would want to…oversee everything."

Barry's eyes widened then.

"It's not like that, Cait," he said quickly, "It's not that I don't trust you. I do. I trust you with my life. This is about me. I need to do something. I can't just helplessly sit here and leave it all up to others to cure me. I want to act."

Caitlin gave him a watery smile.

"Of course," she said understandingly, "Of course you'd want to be involved. That's a good thing…that you're determined to do everything you can."

"I said I knew my chances," Barry said firmly, "Not that I wasn't optimistic. I'm going to fight like hell to beat this thing."

Caitlin gave him a small smile. Of course Barry would be optimistic. He was always optimistic.

"Then why did you mention the statistics?" she asked quietly.

Barry wasn't one to be dramatic or wallow in self-pity. She didn't understand why he had even mentioned the statistics. She would have thought he of all people would avoid the subject.

"Because I don't know if we should tell them," Barry sighed, "The others. I don't know if we should tell them the odds or not."

"Oh," Caitlin said softly, understanding now.

"I just don't want them to get their hopes up," Barry continued, "I don't want them to be unprepared if…things don't work out."

Caitlin couldn't believe how calm he sounded. They were calmly discussing the possibility of his death. Most people would be a crying mess right now.

"At the same time," Barry continued, "I don't want to crush their hope by telling them. It would only make them worry more. Not telling them might be easier. They're happier not knowing the odds."

"I don't know, Barry," Caitlin said quietly, "It's a hard choice to make, deciding how much you should tell your family. As a doctor, the choice is usually made for me. Doctors are supposed to disclose all the information. As a friend, though, I was having a hard time trying to figure out what to tell everyone and what to keep to myself. You're the patient, though, and it's ultimately your decision how much you want to tell your family. I'll tell them only what you want me to."

Barry gave her a sad smile.

"I appreciate that," he said gratefully, "But that doesn't really help me, Caitlin. I'm asking you what you think I should do. Should I tell them the odds, or should I keep it to myself? I don't know what to do. Iris is leaving in two weeks. If things…take a turn for the worse, if I don't make it through this, she'll have missed out on all that time with me. She'll never forgive me for that."

Caitlin stared at him with watery eyes. Up until now, she thought Barry had been doing everything he could to ignore his situation, but now she saw it was quite the contrary.

Barry had clearly given this a lot of thought. His thoughts, however, were not for himself.

"I don't know, Barry," she said quietly, "I wish I could tell you what to do, but I just don't know. I wasn't going to tell you. I wasn't going to tell you the odds. Really, eight percent is just a number. It's a very broad statistic that doesn't truly even apply to you. We don't know what the odds really are in your case, which was why I wasn't going to tell you about this. Your prognosis will be easier to determine once we actually start treatment and see how your body and the cancer respond to it."

Barry nodded thoughtfully.

"Caitlin, I have to ask you something," he said seriously then, "And I need you to answer honestly."

Caitlin nodded, her throat dry. Barry opened and closed his mouth a few times, searching for the right words.

"If I wasn't me," he said slowly, "If you didn't know me, and I was just a nameless patient who came to you in this condition…would you recommend treatment?"

Caitlin stared at him, frozen in the face of the unexpected question.

"Would you?" Barry pressed, his eyes boring into hers, "Would you suggest treatment or would you…put me in terminal care?"

Caitlin looked down and wiped a tear from her face, one she hadn't felt escape her eye.

"Barry, you're the Flash," she choked, "If I didn't know who the Flash was, and he came to me for help…I would explore all options before recommending any terminal care."

Barry nodded and looked down, although he didn't seem completely satisfied with her answer.

"Barry?" she asked tearfully.

"And if I wasn't the Flash?" he whispered, "If I didn't have powers?"

"That doesn't matter," Caitlin said firmly, "You are the Flash and you do have powers, so that situation doesn't even apply."

Barry didn't say anything. He just stared at her and waited for her answer. Caitlin let out a heavy sigh.

"If you didn't have powers," she said in a strained voice, "I would be recommending end of life care."

Barry nodded thoughtfully.

"Barry…"

"Thank you for your honesty," he said quietly.

"Barry, that's only if you didn't have powers," Caitlin said quickly, "That scenario—"

"I know," Barry said, offering her a sad smile, "Thankfully, I do have powers, and we're going to try. We're going to cure me."

Caitlin gave him a watery smile.

"Yeah, we are," she agreed.

Although scientists often made the worst patients, at least Barry was an optimistic one.